This is intended to be the final installment of the Soul Sageing miniseries/sage/chronicle/docudrama lol (unless something of significance occurs). Listen to the following episodes for the full story...
Ep. 1: Sageing Your Soul
https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/quVJVkFeEzb
MINISODE: Soul Sageing Update #1
https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/9PYiYPXkjzb
MINISODE: Soul Sageing Update #2
https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/XZAnUKPkgzb
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[00:00:01]
Unknown:
I'm back with a soul saging update. This is update number three. And since the last update, I have seen this person again and, actually had a significant conversation with him regarding what had me start the distancing process in the first place. So, where I left it off last time, I had mentioned that I, at that time, didn't want to share the details of what had me start distancing because I wanted to first wait to talk to him so that I could have a full understanding of everything and not just be going off of assumptions, which I highly recommend. We have these honest, open, explicit conversations with people so that we are not functioning from assumptions.
So the circumstances are that I had come across on social media photos of him and a woman, and they looked very together, like, coupled up. And so for me, it wasn't actually the existence of the photos that was the issue. It was the fact that, she had posted them, which for me indicated that she saw their relationship as being something more serious. And so that had me start questioning what was going on because both he and I are casually dating one another. We're dating other people. We're open to dating other people. So all of that is fine. But when I saw that a woman had posted photos of them together, it made me wonder if he was in a serious relationship with someone or someone who feels that he was in a serious relationship with them. So many weeks ago, I brought this up, though I did not bring up the actual pictures that I saw. I brought up the fact that, he had posted this person at one point, and so I just simply questioned the nature of their relationship. And he informed me that it was not anything serious.
They've had a hookup relationship. Sorry. They've had hookup relationship in the past, and they are really good friends. So fine. Cool. That answer satisfied me at the time. And then the days after us seeing each other that many weeks ago, I still had this sense of kind of ick. Like, you know, what I don't want to feel like I'm in the middle of something between two people. I will kindly remove myself if that's the case because that's just not the type of drama I want in my life. So, that is what led me to episode one of this podcast in terms of talking about, okay. I need to take a little distance from this relationship from the perspective of, and by relationship, I mean, little r, this dating relationship, so that I can make sure that it's continuing to feel good to me and serve me in the ways that make sense for me.
And so you can listen to these past episodes to get a recap on this process, but where that led me to was he and I did see each other this past, maybe a few days ago at this point, and maybe a week ago. And, had a good time as usual, but I circled back around to this conversation because I said to him, you know, the response you gave me when I asked you about this satisfied me at the time, but I did come to realize in the days and weeks to after that, I wasn't feeling so great about it. So I have gone back and forth about whether we should see each other again.
And so this is when I then informed him that I had seen those photos of them. And I told him, you know, I didn't bring up the photos at the time because the response you gave me satisfied me at the time. But since then, this is how I felt. So, I said to him, you know, I was like, you would tell me if you ever entered a serious relationship. Right? And he was like, yes. And he's like, honestly, I don't see that happening. But, actually, before I get to that part, I need to back up. So I I mentioned the photos and all of that and how I was feeling, and he, went into more detail about the nature of their relationship and that, they had gotten really close a few years ago. Like, during the pandemic, they worked really closely together. They don't work together anymore. But long story short, that he's he said, you know, I feel like she feels like the more time we spend together, maybe I'll change my mind about wanting something serious.
But that's not the case. And, you know, she wants things like kids and things like that, and that's not something that that he wants. He wants to live more of a traveling lifestyle, things like this. So he talked about, you know, the differences there and that when she posted those photos, he came to realize, that they were not on the same page about this, that she maybe viewed their the nature of their relationship differently than he did. But that he doesn't want to, as he said, say anything that's gonna make her say, oh, well, then we can't be friends. That sort of thing. And, so I, explained I I just checked with him. I'm like, you do understand how from my perspective like, so the the issue for me is that she posted them, which seemed to indicate that she thought there was something, you know, more serious there or wanted something more serious. And he's like, yeah. I do get that. He's like, but we do not have a relationship.
And so then, I guess to go back to my point I was just making, which I just kinda forgot, that made him say that he doesn't think that that would happen, that, oh, that he would find someone serious. Because I said, you would tell me though if you entered a serious relationship. He's like, yes. I would tell you. He's like, but I don't see that happening. So that opened up another conversation, a conversation that has been touched on before in the past, but that was very much solidified, on this day, which is that he does not, see himself settling down with anyone.
I don't know if never, but definitely not in the near future because of the lifestyle he wants to live. He wants to be able to travel for long periods at a time, like a month at a time, things like that. And I said to him, I was like, well, you know, there are people who travel a lot these days. Like, all these solo travelers and all these people. I'm like, so those people exist? And he was like, yeah. But he's like, it's just not a priority for me. So in essence, he just made the point that he's like, I'm not looking for that. I'm not seeking that out. He's like, if it happened, sure, but, really, it's not what I'm I'm looking for or aiming for. And he started talking about how he feels like people in general have a sense of like, oh, don't worry. You'll find someone. And he's kinda making the point that I don't feel the need to find someone.
It's not it's just not up there on my priority list. Or I mentioned that to him. I was like, it's just not on your priority list. And he was like, yeah. So what that did for me was really help to solidify and confirm something that I've already known, which is that this, relationship with him, this dating relationship with him is not to be seen as a potential serious one. For me, it really needs to stay in the casual only category so that it can continue to be a fun, enjoyable dating relationship that we both, have fun with and and enjoy and enjoy one another's time and all that sort of stuff, which this was very helpful and freeing for me because going back many, many weeks ago, I had realized that, like I said before, that I was starting to kind of invest more emotional energy and thought into this dating relationship more so than I felt like I should. And coming from across those photos gave me that, like, that that pause, that stop of, like, whoop, we need to change course here. And so I've worked on doing that these past weeks. And having this last conversation with him really helped to solidify that this is the right choice. So I'm saying all of this to say that my ability to look at things for what they are and to decide what I want from this relationship, have helped me to to make certain choices and have certain behaviors that have helped to put the proper boundaries in place for this so that the nature of this relationship can stay what it needs to be in my life, which is a casual dating relationship, so that I can still enjoy the fun of it, the perks of it.
If at any point I start wanting something different than the dating partner that I'm with, it is to my benefit to remove myself from that situation if that person's preferences, you know, are have not changed. Like, if they still want what they want and I want what I want, I need to do myself a favor of removing myself. But I have been able to put this relationship in the proper context and and to still be able to get the enjoyment from it that I get. And if that were to change at any point, I would make the shift as needed. And so, that means that he and I are still dating.
We still have, you know, plans you know, future plans. We would actually like to go on a trip together, sometime next year. And, yeah, I mean, it's allowing it to be a fun, enjoyable dating experience, and I will continue to date other people. And, if I get to a point where I want to seriously consider someone or exclusively date someone, I will have a conversation with him letting him know that, and he will do the same with me. And we will be, you know, fair with one another and honest with one another. And, actually, having this most recent conversation about him really not seeking out any serious commitment helped to relieve any bit of kind of guilt that I was starting to have when I thought about the fact of me meeting someone who I might want to date exclusively, which means I would cut off any other dating partners.
And there had been, like, a point where I was like, oh, how would I do that? How would I do this with him? Like, how would it feel? This honestly has taken away, like, all that guilt because he's made it clear where he stands, which means that if I come to him at any given point and say, hey. I'm wanting to, like, exclusively date someone, so I'm, you know, choosing to stop dating other people, then I won't feel bad about that because he's made it clear where he stands. And so here we are. So this, is likely the final update on this. I mean, unless anything significant comes up, but I just kind of wanted to wrap this up a bit. The fact that, I guess, in conclusion, when I look back, I guess I have, managed to do, an appropriate amount of distancing and some good boundary setting to allow this relationship to stay where it should stay in my life as a casual dating relationship, not an exclusive dating relationship, not a committed relationship, anything like that. And I'm enjoying it for what it is. I'm enjoying it how it is. And if that ever changes, I know that I will need to remove myself.
But so far, so good.
[00:11:37] Unknown:
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast. Just search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracypenock. And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox. In addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services, my email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered. As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.
I'm back with a soul saging update. This is update number three. And since the last update, I have seen this person again and, actually had a significant conversation with him regarding what had me start the distancing process in the first place. So, where I left it off last time, I had mentioned that I, at that time, didn't want to share the details of what had me start distancing because I wanted to first wait to talk to him so that I could have a full understanding of everything and not just be going off of assumptions, which I highly recommend. We have these honest, open, explicit conversations with people so that we are not functioning from assumptions.
So the circumstances are that I had come across on social media photos of him and a woman, and they looked very together, like, coupled up. And so for me, it wasn't actually the existence of the photos that was the issue. It was the fact that, she had posted them, which for me indicated that she saw their relationship as being something more serious. And so that had me start questioning what was going on because both he and I are casually dating one another. We're dating other people. We're open to dating other people. So all of that is fine. But when I saw that a woman had posted photos of them together, it made me wonder if he was in a serious relationship with someone or someone who feels that he was in a serious relationship with them. So many weeks ago, I brought this up, though I did not bring up the actual pictures that I saw. I brought up the fact that, he had posted this person at one point, and so I just simply questioned the nature of their relationship. And he informed me that it was not anything serious.
They've had a hookup relationship. Sorry. They've had hookup relationship in the past, and they are really good friends. So fine. Cool. That answer satisfied me at the time. And then the days after us seeing each other that many weeks ago, I still had this sense of kind of ick. Like, you know, what I don't want to feel like I'm in the middle of something between two people. I will kindly remove myself if that's the case because that's just not the type of drama I want in my life. So, that is what led me to episode one of this podcast in terms of talking about, okay. I need to take a little distance from this relationship from the perspective of, and by relationship, I mean, little r, this dating relationship, so that I can make sure that it's continuing to feel good to me and serve me in the ways that make sense for me.
And so you can listen to these past episodes to get a recap on this process, but where that led me to was he and I did see each other this past, maybe a few days ago at this point, and maybe a week ago. And, had a good time as usual, but I circled back around to this conversation because I said to him, you know, the response you gave me when I asked you about this satisfied me at the time, but I did come to realize in the days and weeks to after that, I wasn't feeling so great about it. So I have gone back and forth about whether we should see each other again.
And so this is when I then informed him that I had seen those photos of them. And I told him, you know, I didn't bring up the photos at the time because the response you gave me satisfied me at the time. But since then, this is how I felt. So, I said to him, you know, I was like, you would tell me if you ever entered a serious relationship. Right? And he was like, yes. And he's like, honestly, I don't see that happening. But, actually, before I get to that part, I need to back up. So I I mentioned the photos and all of that and how I was feeling, and he, went into more detail about the nature of their relationship and that, they had gotten really close a few years ago. Like, during the pandemic, they worked really closely together. They don't work together anymore. But long story short, that he's he said, you know, I feel like she feels like the more time we spend together, maybe I'll change my mind about wanting something serious.
But that's not the case. And, you know, she wants things like kids and things like that, and that's not something that that he wants. He wants to live more of a traveling lifestyle, things like this. So he talked about, you know, the differences there and that when she posted those photos, he came to realize, that they were not on the same page about this, that she maybe viewed their the nature of their relationship differently than he did. But that he doesn't want to, as he said, say anything that's gonna make her say, oh, well, then we can't be friends. That sort of thing. And, so I, explained I I just checked with him. I'm like, you do understand how from my perspective like, so the the issue for me is that she posted them, which seemed to indicate that she thought there was something, you know, more serious there or wanted something more serious. And he's like, yeah. I do get that. He's like, but we do not have a relationship.
And so then, I guess to go back to my point I was just making, which I just kinda forgot, that made him say that he doesn't think that that would happen, that, oh, that he would find someone serious. Because I said, you would tell me though if you entered a serious relationship. He's like, yes. I would tell you. He's like, but I don't see that happening. So that opened up another conversation, a conversation that has been touched on before in the past, but that was very much solidified, on this day, which is that he does not, see himself settling down with anyone.
I don't know if never, but definitely not in the near future because of the lifestyle he wants to live. He wants to be able to travel for long periods at a time, like a month at a time, things like that. And I said to him, I was like, well, you know, there are people who travel a lot these days. Like, all these solo travelers and all these people. I'm like, so those people exist? And he was like, yeah. But he's like, it's just not a priority for me. So in essence, he just made the point that he's like, I'm not looking for that. I'm not seeking that out. He's like, if it happened, sure, but, really, it's not what I'm I'm looking for or aiming for. And he started talking about how he feels like people in general have a sense of like, oh, don't worry. You'll find someone. And he's kinda making the point that I don't feel the need to find someone.
It's not it's just not up there on my priority list. Or I mentioned that to him. I was like, it's just not on your priority list. And he was like, yeah. So what that did for me was really help to solidify and confirm something that I've already known, which is that this, relationship with him, this dating relationship with him is not to be seen as a potential serious one. For me, it really needs to stay in the casual only category so that it can continue to be a fun, enjoyable dating relationship that we both, have fun with and and enjoy and enjoy one another's time and all that sort of stuff, which this was very helpful and freeing for me because going back many, many weeks ago, I had realized that, like I said before, that I was starting to kind of invest more emotional energy and thought into this dating relationship more so than I felt like I should. And coming from across those photos gave me that, like, that that pause, that stop of, like, whoop, we need to change course here. And so I've worked on doing that these past weeks. And having this last conversation with him really helped to solidify that this is the right choice. So I'm saying all of this to say that my ability to look at things for what they are and to decide what I want from this relationship, have helped me to to make certain choices and have certain behaviors that have helped to put the proper boundaries in place for this so that the nature of this relationship can stay what it needs to be in my life, which is a casual dating relationship, so that I can still enjoy the fun of it, the perks of it.
If at any point I start wanting something different than the dating partner that I'm with, it is to my benefit to remove myself from that situation if that person's preferences, you know, are have not changed. Like, if they still want what they want and I want what I want, I need to do myself a favor of removing myself. But I have been able to put this relationship in the proper context and and to still be able to get the enjoyment from it that I get. And if that were to change at any point, I would make the shift as needed. And so, that means that he and I are still dating.
We still have, you know, plans you know, future plans. We would actually like to go on a trip together, sometime next year. And, yeah, I mean, it's allowing it to be a fun, enjoyable dating experience, and I will continue to date other people. And, if I get to a point where I want to seriously consider someone or exclusively date someone, I will have a conversation with him letting him know that, and he will do the same with me. And we will be, you know, fair with one another and honest with one another. And, actually, having this most recent conversation about him really not seeking out any serious commitment helped to relieve any bit of kind of guilt that I was starting to have when I thought about the fact of me meeting someone who I might want to date exclusively, which means I would cut off any other dating partners.
And there had been, like, a point where I was like, oh, how would I do that? How would I do this with him? Like, how would it feel? This honestly has taken away, like, all that guilt because he's made it clear where he stands, which means that if I come to him at any given point and say, hey. I'm wanting to, like, exclusively date someone, so I'm, you know, choosing to stop dating other people, then I won't feel bad about that because he's made it clear where he stands. And so here we are. So this, is likely the final update on this. I mean, unless anything significant comes up, but I just kind of wanted to wrap this up a bit. The fact that, I guess, in conclusion, when I look back, I guess I have, managed to do, an appropriate amount of distancing and some good boundary setting to allow this relationship to stay where it should stay in my life as a casual dating relationship, not an exclusive dating relationship, not a committed relationship, anything like that. And I'm enjoying it for what it is. I'm enjoying it how it is. And if that ever changes, I know that I will need to remove myself.
But so far, so good.
[00:11:37] Unknown:
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast. Just search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracypenock. And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox. In addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services, my email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered. As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.
