The Bitter to Better Podcast

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So this was QUITE an unexpected episode. I was stood up on a date for the first time...and then I made some new friends and had a blast. ***Please rate and review the podcast and respond to the poll and episode question (Spotify only) if you'd like to share your thoughts*** BOOK A FREE CALL https://calendly.com/traciepinnock Join my email list https://tphtherapy.us14.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=be02a721b82e4378558515ed3&id=888df392e4 Subscribe to my YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHVUSpAJ869rH817vCwLY3Q Follow me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/traciepinnock/ Send me an email: [email protected]

[00:00:01] Unknown:

Okay. So this is, like, the most I don't know. Is it erratic   episode   that I've recorded? And that is because I'm, like, piecing   pieces of audio together.   There's audio that I recorded last night as   things were occurring,   and then there's the audio that I'm recording right now   to provide clarification or to give some sense of order or and give some background to this whole situation. The whole situation being   me getting stood up on a date last night.   So this is a minisode, which generally means it's not very planned. It's off the cuff.   They're usually much shorter episodes, but it's very possible that this might be a somewhat longer episode because there's all these parts to it, but we'll see. So what I'm going to do right now is describe or is explain the background, meaning, like, the history of me and this guy who I'm referring to as AP. See my YouTube channel video that I'm posting about this because there's actual visuals,   for the first time for the podcast, meaning it's just me recording myself talking about this, but I give background on why I'm calling him AP.  

And the YouTube video is more of a succinct, like, recap of the night.   Whereas the podcast, as I've explained before, I really want it to feel like just sitting down with your girlfriend and and chatting. So it's a little less formal, and I'm just gonna, you know, say how I feel, what I feel, what I think, all of that good stuff. So,   what I'm saying is there is more content about this on my YouTube channel if you are so very interested.   Okay. So,   I'm gonna give background on   my my   dates dates with this guy.   And then   the audio that I'm going to piece together after this is are are   one is when I got to the restaurant that I ended up taking myself to. So I was sitting at the bar, and I started recording.  

And then the next piece is after I got home at the end of the night. So just to explain   kind of what you're hearing, that's kind of the order of things. So let me go ahead and start with just explaining the background. I met this guy who we're calling AP   on Bumble,   and it said on Bumble that he was 31, which is much younger than I usual that I prefer to date. But   we had a mutual match and, you know, conversation was good enough in DMs.   And so,   I don't remember the exact details. I would have to go back and look, but   I think oh, he invited me out   and, at one and eventually,   I messaged him my number. I was like, you know, it's probably easier to communicate   via phone. And so we got each other's numbers,   and we went on a date. I would say it was a week and a half, maybe two weeks ago. We went on a date, and it was great. It was fun.  

We chatted. We hit it off.   He, seemed really cool. He seemed particularly, like,   nice.   He made a point of saying, like, he wasn't interested in, like, hookups, random hookups or any of that. I was like, okay. Great.   And he also said, by the way, I'm not 31. I'm actually 33. But when I created my Bumble account, it was connected to my Facebook where, I guess, I apparently, at one point, tried to   pretend that I was younger. Cool. Fine. Whatever.   Not the first time I heard it, but now in hindsight, I'm like, I think you're a bit of a liar.   And so   we   we ended that first date both saying that we'd like to see each other again. And so between that first date and, like, yesterday,   there was some sporadic texting between us.  

He might reach out and I might reach out.   I had gone to Rhode Island over this past weekend. He checked in on my trip, all of that, so it seemed cool. And then yesterday, I was minding my business, and I get a message from him, which ultimately resulted in him inviting me out to go dancing   in his town. And on our first date, we had talked about this place, and I had said that I, you know, I had I hadn't been, and I was looking for places   to, like, be able to go and dance.   So,   I agreed   to the date, and then he,   eventually, he said he reached out to me again, and he said, I didn't realize the place doesn't open until 9PM, so let's meet at Barcelona   restaurant in his town. I was like, okay. Great. So   he said, you know, text me when you're on your way because I live only about five minutes from the restaurant.  

So as I was pulling out of my driveway, I texted him and,   which for me, it was going to be about a twenty minute drive and,   told him that I would actually get there a little early because I wanted to be able to find parking.   So my whole drive there, I didn't hear from him. So I was like, oh, okay. But I know that he'd said he was going out to happy hour before that even though happy hour would have been a few hours before that. But,   when I got to the parking garage, I texted him, didn't hear anything. And I was I was early, so it was before nine. So but then I did call him. It rang normally. It went to voice mail. The voice mail was just his phone number. I didn't leave a message. I hung up, texted him, and said I called. Didn't hear anything. Then it was a few minutes past nine.   So I called one more time. Same thing happened. And I was like, okay. Yeah.  

And so   I messaged my bestie, and I was like, I think I'm being stood up, and I'm gonna leave. And so I did.   And on my way home, I thought I was like, I am I'm all dressed up, and I'm really upset,   that,   that I have, like, wasted my time and wasted an outfit and wasted makeup and literally could be at home watching Sex and the City, which sounded like a fabulous Friday night to me.   I was like, but so I was like, you know,   what can I do?   And I realized that I was near   the town where there's this hotel and bar that I wanted to try. And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go there,   and I'm gonna have myself a drink and a meal at the bar. I was very hungry because, you know, my date stood me up, so I didn't get to eat.  

And   so I went and I I did that. And as I'm explaining this right now, I just realized that   a lot of this part is in the audio that I'm gonna connect to this. I mainly wanted to just give background on my, like,   history with this guy.   The main thing being that I hadn't been, like, texting him and reaching out to him and being like, oh, can we hang out? Can we hang out? Nope. Been minding my own business. He initiates us hanging out, and then he does this. Now maybe the man fell asleep,   but even so, I'm not I'm not interested because that's just   that's very unreliable.  

But   on the flip side, maybe he purposely   ditched me, and that is freaking weird.   So weird,   especially especially at our our big age of in our thirties. But who knows? He could be completely lying about that. I don't know.   The the name AP is even more fitting now,   which, again, is explained on the YouTube video.   But I just   anyway,   I'm a big proponent of turning a frown upside down. A loss may sometimes be a gain, making negative into a positive. Don't let a negative experience be in vain.   So I went to the place, and I had a fabulous time.   I met who I will call   Mandy and   Charles.  

I will call them Mandy and Charles. These two people who walked in and sat near me at the bar,   and I,   well, I guess, you know what? I'm gonna stop the recording here and do a new recording of this because this needs to get pieced in between the other art audio. See, I told you this is gonna be one erratic episode.  

[00:07:57] Unknown:

Dear friends, let me tell you.   This is the first time that I've been stood up on a date.   I was supposed to meet a guy at a restaurant   at 9PM   tonight. We've been on one previous date. He reached out to me today   and initiated us   going out. And   I   texted him,   when I left home, which was a good, like,   half hour before we were going to meet, and I let him know I'd get there a little early so that I could could find parking,   and I didn't hear from him.   When I parked,   I texted, didn't hear anything. I called   and then texted and told him I called and didn't hear anything.   So I don't know if he passed out asleep  

[00:08:47] Unknown:

and hasn't heard his phone or if he's intentionally ditching the date,   but I decided to,  

[00:08:53] Unknown:

turn that frown upside down and take myself to a place that I've been wanting to come for a while,   because I was in the area.   And so now I'm treating myself to a cocktail   and a pasta dish,   and it is a nice spot. I definitely can't wait to come back,   for dinner or a date or something like that.  

[00:09:18] Unknown:

But   this is,   yeah, a new experience, but out here in the dating trenches,  

[00:09:25] Unknown:

but also, you know, making the best of the situation, which is so important when dating. I hope you guys can hear me clearly. The music might be a bit loud.  

[00:09:34] Unknown:

But   yeah.   So a big part of the dating process is making the best of it because it doesn't always go as we want it to,  

[00:09:43] Unknown:

and that is what I am doing.  

[00:09:47] Unknown:

Okay. This is the part where I explain   what happened for most of the night at this restaurant,   or at the bar because I'm sitting at the bar when this all happens. So I'm sitting there, and, actually,   the the bartender was really friendly, and he started chatting. And I informed him that I'd been stood up, and he was like, oh, you need a shot.   So,   so,   I was like, yeah. And and, like, pretty much, he's like, on, you know, on the house. And so   then,   these two people walk in,   who I assume are a couple.   And as I said, we'll call them Mandy and Charles.   And,   they sit near me at the bar, and at some point, they engage me in conversation.  

I think the woman might have mentioned something about my food or my drink or something like that, and so I informed them that I've been stood up. I because I think they might have asked the bartender had asked, you know, why, you know, why are you here, you know, all alone or that sort of thing. And I think they might have asked or hinted at that or whatever. So,   I shared that,   and   I shared it partially because people asked, but, honestly,   more so because   I'm leaning into this whole, like,   socializing and going out. So going out by myself and meeting new people. And telling people that you even stood up on a date is a great conversation starter,   and I recognize this. So   that's what happened. Like, for the whole night, me,   Mandy, Charles, and the bartender   were, you know, in conversation and having a good time. So as I so pretty much I, like, quickly befriend   Mandy and Charles,   and,   we're talking about stuff and everything. I come to find that,   Mandy   lives in DC but has been traveling,   back to Connecticut,   recently   and that Charles,   lives in the town that we're in   that that the restaurant is in. And his home is being renovated, so he can't stay there. So he's staying in hotels.  

And   the two of them apparently met,   at this hotel   at this hotel bar because they both happen to be staying there because Mandy has been traveling, and Charles is staying there because of his home reno's.   And so they weren't a couple like I initially thought they were. And so   we're and they also,   are Gen Xers because we were talking about different generations,   and how I'm a millennial. They're Gen Xers.   And so that's really cool because I have this this,   what I'm now going to call this tendency   when I go out on my own to meet people   who are,   a good fifteen plus years older than me and have great conversation and a good time. So it was great.  

So I can see that there's   some seeming flirtiness between Mandy and Charles, and there's, like, a little flirtiness with,   Charles and, like, towards me. Like, they were saying they're like, oh my gosh. You're so cute. You you know, then it it turned into the whole, like, starting to guess my age. I don't know how we got there, but,   I know someone made some reference,   like, you know, oh, you're probably too young to x, y, and z. And I'm like, oh, you know, no. I'm probably not as young as you think. And so then everyone starts the guessing game for age.   And,   they I informed them that I'm 37 and have two children, and they're like, oh my gosh. Like, oh my gosh. Oh, this is what it was. So the to kinda go what I'm getting at is, like, the the flirtiness. So,   when I said I was stood up, they were like, oh my goodness. You know? How you know? Why did somebody stand you up? Like, oh my gosh. You look so cute. Like, you're good. And then, like, Charles is like, yeah. You're hot. I'm like, oh, okay.  

Thanks.   And then, like, the night, you know, there's drinking and   laughter and strangers. So the night was like a mix of   laughing, some serious conversations,   about race and things like that. So it was me. I'm black.   Mandy and Charles are white, and the bartender is Egyptian.   And he the bartender had brought up this idea of, like, in America, like, we're so obsessed with labeling things and labeling people, and it's not a thing where he's from and sort of having that conversation about how that is a somewhat uniquely American thing. I mean, certain other   Western countries and things like that of, like, being very   labeling race so much and the reason for that and all of that. So there was some of that conversation. There was just there was a lot. There was there was a lot a lot of stuff. It was it was a good time. I at some point,   I had mentioned that I'm a therapist,   and,   Mandy and Charles are both they have law degrees, so they don't practice law. They do different things.  

And it was just yeah. I mean, we're we're talking about, you know, divorces, like, the people's divorces and relationships, all all the good bar talk that you get when you just   lean into it. So it was a night. It was a night for sure. By the end of the night, I'd become Instagram friends with the bartender,   connected with   Mandy on LinkedIn,   and,   exchanged numbers with Charles. So   what are you gonna do?   So I imagine because I definitely plan to go back there. The food was good. The drinks were good. The   the,   the staff was great. It was a good time. The I love the atmosphere.  

And   I   I I feel like I'm gonna have a couple of people who I can reach out to and say, hey. I'm I'm gonna be there. Like, how about you? And this is how it works. This is how it goes. Like,   the night   went in a completely different direction than I expected, and   it was it   it it was better than I think it would have been. So I'm just here to say,   definitely,   especially   dating process, like, remove   the pressure of, like,   it has to be, like, he has to be the one or this has to be it or any of that and go for the intention of having a good time. So because I went for the I went on the date with AP or or I went with the intention of just having a good time dancing. And, hey. I met this person once before, and it was they were cool. So, like, it'll be fun to do this with this person. But, like, also, I was detached enough,   from   from, you know, him at this point, obviously, because we had only just met, but also because I very intentionally   am someone who goes into these situations as as no pressure. So what I'm saying is that even though it was disappointing and quite annoying   that's the thing. It was more annoying than disappointing that he stood me up because I'm like, I had to drive here. I almost had to pay for parking. What? And I wasted an outfit and makeup and anyway, again, I could have been drinking wine watching Sex and the City. So my point is that   because I   don't put all this pressure on these dates,   I was able to recover much easier   at being stood up than I would have if I was like, oh my gosh. I hope he's the one, and I hope that, you know, this is everything I want it to be and that, like, if this one doesn't work out, no. No. No. No. No. No. That is dangerous. That is dangerous.  

And it's one of the reasons why, again, I'd say, you know, casually date multiple people, all that good stuff, all the stuff you hear me say all the time.   Things like this, this is a prime example of that because,   yes, people are weird. Like, people are weird, and they do weird things, and we don't know everyone's motivations and all that. And I wanna be clear. This is not to scare people because people get all scared, especially about online dating, but I'm here to tell you that the same humans that are online are the same humans that exist in real life. I just, like, I I   it's something like people like, I sometimes have to, like, point that out to people.  

And just because you meet someone at Starbucks doesn't mean they're gonna be a better person than someone you meet online. You have to date and vet. And so that's what I did. I dated this person and vetted them.   They're out. They're out of my dating pool. I'm not interested. If they were to reach out for whatever reason, no thank you. No thank you at all. And Mandy and Charles   were coaching me all evening about not giving him another chance. No more chances, AP. Okay? I want you to know Mandy and Charles said no.   You know, and if they check-in and they check up on me, I need to be able to say I stuck to that because I'm not out here trying to have my time wasted. But, nonetheless, it was a great night. I'm so happy that I made the choices that I made around going ahead going to that restaurant instead of going straight home, and I really, really,   encourage you to   step out of, the box a little bit and try something on your own   and see who you meet.  

Okay. So I'm home. So pardon my   tired voice. My voice really changes when I'm tired.   But I had the best time.   I had the best time at this restaurant bar. I met two people, a man and a woman,   who,   we exchanged information, and the bartender was super cool.   We're now Insta Friends,   connected with the woman on LinkedIn   and traded numbers with the guy. Like, they're just, like   they're older than me. We were talking about generations,   how I'm I'm an elder   millennial. They are Gen x.   I mean, the conversation was wild and fun and, honestly,   definitely   Better than the date I would have had.  

So I am so happy   that things worked out the way they did, and I just cannot tell you enough,   you know, like, about making the best of a situation.   I'm a big, big,   fan of   so what happened was when I left when I left,   the town that the date was supposed to be in,   I was driving home,   and I was like, wait. I'm closer   to this,   restaurant,   and I've been wanting to go for a while. So let me just turn around.   And,   yeah, I went, and I'm so happy I did. I'm so happy I did. This is how it happens.   I met a couple of other friends when I first moved to my town,   who also are, like, Gen X because I decided to go out by myself to this this one, like,   bar that I wanted to to try out,   and there I have it. Like, this is how you make connections in life, like, being willing to step out of the box a little bit, especially if,   you know, when there's very little to lose. And what I mean here is   when I was new to this town,   I was like, I mean, nobody knows me, whatever.  

And then this this restaurant that I went to, tonight   was in a town that I don't live in or anything. And even for even for a town I lived in well, to be clear, obviously, if it's a really small town, there may be more to lose in terms of people actually knowing you and reputation and things like that. But if it's a   somewhat moderate sized city,   then,   yeah, just go out and   have a drink at the bar. You can have a book. You can have your phone. Really, you just need a meal. I sat towards the end of the bar. It was a nice ambiance.   I went in with the intention of have a good cocktail and a good meal because I was very hungry because, you know, I was planning to eat a little something on my date, but he stood me up.  

So   I   I,   would just plan to   eat some good food and have a good drink and then, you know, say hi to some people if they seemed friendly and then leave. And these two people came in who were super friendly,   and we started chatting, and, like, we hit it off, and we were friends for the night, and then we exchanged contact information. I was actually invited. We were all invited.   The bartender and the staff were, like, closing up for the night, and we were all invited to, like, join them at a bar to play darts.   And I didn't only didn't go because I'm tired, and I'm going into the city tomorrow   morning.  

So I am trying not to overdo it, but   I   totally plan to reach out,   on Instagram to the bartender and be like, hey. Didn't make it to darts, but, like, had a great time.   Definitely will be seeing you again because I plan to return.   I got great food recommendations,   for when I return,   and it was such an awesome night. It's one of those, like, life experiences that, like,   don't   necessarily come around all the time, but it happened because I chose to   to step out of the box a little bit and make a negative you know, turn a negative into a positive.   And, honestly, it ended up being more positive than the original thing because   this person who stood me up, we had one date before, and it went well. It was a good time. And I expected this one to be as well. But, honestly,   I just don't think it would have been as exciting as the the night that I had tonight.  

So to that,   yeah. I mean,   look at that.   Getting stood up, you know, can turn into something good. I always say a loss may sometimes   be a gain.   And   tonight, it was.  

[00:23:22] Unknown:

Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast.   Just search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel.   Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies.   I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach.   And lastly,   I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.   My email list subscribers   are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.  

As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.