In this episode I list and describe the 7 relationship categories I use to classify romantic relationships and I explain why you should always label your relationships.
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Always Label Your Relationships: https://youtu.be/RmP7eoMwfxk
Vetting Dating Partners Series:
Pt. 1 https://youtu.be/krS_smjuxi8
Pt. 2 https://youtu.be/nzX6pjXTRco
Pt. 3 https://youtu.be/1js6z5wGq4s
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[00:00:06]
Unknown:
Hey, I'm Tracy Pinnock and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast, where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups. I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
[00:00:26] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. I'm out on the playground with the boys. Birds are chirping. They're playing, falling, getting a little hurt here and there, but nothing major. So excuse any random noises. Cars are driving by, all that good stuff. But I wanted to talk today about the seven relationship categories that I identify, and, yeah, to talk about them particularly in relation to your dating experience. First, let me explain why I think it's important to identify these categories and ultimately label your relationships. Yes. That's what I said. None of this, oh, we don't wanna put a label on it. That is ridiculous. You have a label for every other relationship in your life. You know who your parents are, your teachers are, your coworkers.
You know who the that the cashier at the grocery store, you have a relationship with them that is stranger. So if you have labels for all of these relationships in your life, why would you not have labels for very important relationships in your life like your romantic partner or partners? Because whether you're in a committed relationship with someone or an ongoing dating relationship with someone, these can have hugely impactful, these can be hugely impactful to your life. So the other thing is that labeling relationships helps us understand the expectations.
If you know someone is a stranger to you, you have different expectations of them than you do of someone who is a friend. So it's very helpful for us to label the relationships in our lives. So let me get into these seven categories. Category number one is stranger. This is the relationship that you have with most humans on this earth. So the seven or so billion humans that exist on this earth, you are a stranger to them. They are a stranger to you. I mean, that's pretty straightforward and clear cut. We don't tend to have significant expectations of strangers.
Most of us expect and hope for basic human decency, general, you know, being cordial, respectful, things like that. But you don't really have big asks of strangers. The next category is acquaintances. These are friends of friends or coworkers you're not particularly close to. These are people who you generally have a respectful cordial relationship with, although you could have a contentious relationship with an acquaintance. But they are someone who you know of or have been introduced to, but you are not particularly close to. But you may be in situations in which you in which you are in which you would interact. So working together or hanging out with mutual friends, things like that.
Our expectations of acquaintances may be, you know, asking a favor here or there, but, generally, we don't have particularly great expectations of them. More so, like, for instance, if they exist in a working relationship, you have the expectations of them doing their job. Again, basic human decency, respect, things like that. But acquaintances can become close relationships. Friendships begin as acquaintances at least for some period of time that could be a very short period of time or a longer period of time. But this is how friendships and really any further relationship begins. So a dating relationship, a committed relationship, you start out really as strangers then become acquaintances and then could potentially move, move from there.
Next, we have platonic friendships. So these are friendships with people that have no sexual intimacy. They would obviously have some emotional intimacy at least to some extent because they are friendships. Although, of course, there are different dynamics in friendships. So there are some friendships where we're sharing intimate, private sensitive information, and there are other friendships where things are maybe kept more surface. Maybe you hang out with those people, but you don't share a lot about what's going on with you. But there's still some form of of, basic intimacy, but not in a romantic or sexual nature.
And our expectations in platonic relationships, platonic friendships, are of a like, you know, having camaraderie and companionship and hanging out and doing things together, but not, they're not sexual in nature, the expectations. And so, obviously, it is important to understand that a friendship is platonic versus the next category, which would be, like, friends with benefits. Because knowing the label for that relationship comes with having vastly different expectations of one another. The next category, friends with benefits, is a friendship where there is also physical intimacy.
There's also, like, the emotional intimacy there as well in order for it to be a friendship. But the understanding is that there is a sexual relationship, and there is no intention to move into a committed relationship. Now I'm not saying that things don't start out as friends with benefits and move into other things, but the expectations of a friends with benefits relationship is one in which the the two people involved are not in a committed relationship. They very likely are not in a they are not in an exclusively dating relationship.
They see other people, may sleep with other people if they so choose, but they do have a friendship and camaraderie and positive interactions and things like that, and they also sleep with one another. So a friends with benefits relationship, as I explained before, is different than a platonic one because a platonic one, there's no sexual involvement. But it's also different than the next category, which is casually dating, and I'll explain in more detail what that is about. But understanding that something is friends with benefits versus an actual dating relationship is important because, again, it can help to, it can help everyone have clear expectations of what to expect from one another.
[00:07:30] Unknown:
Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod? If so, please know it's greatly appreciated and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can. Might I suggest a few options? First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple podcast, or whatever platform you choose. Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything. If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracy panach on Instagram. And lastly, if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracey Panach from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you?
Please and thank you.
[00:08:22] Unknown:
The next category is casual dating partners or dating casually. So this is dating more than one person, but it is casual. So this is not having relationships committed relationships with multiple people. This is you go to the movies with one person, dinner with another person. You're getting to know these people so you can determine who you might want to exclusively date. So this is where you're doing the significant amount of vetting your significant amount of vetting in your dating process. So asking questions, getting to know one another, hanging out with one another, spending time with one another so that you can get a feel for who you are with one another. So you could get a feel of this person and seeing if they match up with your ideal partner standards.
So casually dating, the idea is that you are vetting out partners in order to find who you might want to exclusively date. Whereas, like, friends with benefits relationship, there's not an intention of a future together, not of building a future together. You may continue to be friends with benefits forever, but there's not this intentional looking towards the future to build something together, to build a life together. So, anyway, to stick with casual dating, the idea is that you are dating different people and getting to know them enough to decide who you would want to date exclusively and to know who you no longer want to date and who you no longer want to see. So a prime example of this is, like, being being on a dating app, meeting a few people on there, going out with them, and kind of rotating people in and out. So maybe you meet, you know, two, three people on the dating app. You're going on a date with them. You realize, oh, this one, it you know, there's not a lot of chemistry, or this one, I really don't like them or our values don't align or whatever it is. I stopped seeing them. I start dating someone else, and it allows you to really get a sense of what you want and don't want, what you can tolerate and what you can't tolerate. You're able to, compare people in terms of noticing, oh, I actually like it when this person does this as opposed to this other person who never does that. These are very this is very valuable information.
Being able to rotationally date, casually date is very, very important and helpful and useful in your dating process. It helps you make informed decisions. Next, we have exclusively dating. So this is deciding of those three, four, or five people you're dating, the people who you are rotating in and out. You've decided there is one that you would like to focus on exclusively, which is still a step before a committed relationship, which I'll get to. So with exclusively dating, there needs to be a direct conversation between you and your dating partner that you want to move from casually dating in in which you two could be dating multiple people and into exclusively dating in which you are wanting to be monogamous, and you are wanting to only go out on dates with one another. And you're wanting to really focus on on getting to see how you and that other person fit together.
And this is different than a committed relationship because you are not yet saying that you're actually trying to join your lives together to build a future. You are simply saying, I'm going to focus on you instead of two or three other people. So you are more quickly able to really get a sense of how you guys work together and stuff like that. And, you know, different people might have different things going on in terms of how they do this. What I mean is, like, you know, maybe maybe you had stayed at the person's place before exclusively exclusively dating. So maybe when you were casually dating them, you stayed over their place or they stayed over yours. Or maybe you're somebody who, like, that doesn't start happening until you're exclusively dating the person. There's no specific answer on that or specific way to do that.
But it's more about you recognize at the exclusive dating point, you have vetted this person to an extent that you feel you want to continue to explore things with them on a one on one basis. The final relationship category is committed relationship. So this is going from exclusively dating and deciding that, hey. We want to try to do this thing called life together. We're deciding that we when we make decisions like, when I make a decision for myself, I'm also making a decision with you in mind. So where I would want to live. Maybe you're moving in together.
Maybe you're having kids. Maybe you're getting engaged, getting married. The answers vary for everyone. Some people may not have any intention of being married, but they still want a committed partnership. The key factor here with the committed relationship is that you are making plans for your life with that other person in mind. Because, also, people can be in a committed, non monogamous relationship if they want. They the healthy way to do that is to have conversations and understandings and agreements on what the guidelines of your, polyamory and non nonmonogamous relationship is.
But the idea is the commitment part. Like, hey. You know, if I wanted to move to another state, I would be considering the fact that I'm in in a committed relationship with you. So that's something we would both need to talk about and agree on As opposed to if you're exclusively dating someone and you're not you you're, you know, really trying to make this decision about whether you wanna move or not, you might have a conversation with the person that, like, hey. This is where I am. This is what I wanna do with my life and kinda be more free to do it because you haven't made that commitment yet. But upon deciding you wanna be in a committed relationship, these are things that you are absolutely going to need to and want to factor in when it comes to another person. So the committed relationship stage, which is like the the, I guess, you could say final relationship stage, it involves building a life together.
Okay. To recap the relationship categories, we have strangers, acquaintances, platonic friends, friends with benefits, casually dating, exclusively dating, and committed relationship. And if you want more information on the relationship categories and on how to vet dating partners, check out the show notes because I have links to my YouTube channels about these specific things. There's actually four videos that you should take a look at. One is label your relationships that talks about the relationship categories and the other three are part of a series. So there's part one, two, and three around vetting dating partners.
[00:15:27] Unknown:
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast. Just search my name on YouTube and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach. And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services. My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered. As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next
[00:16:15] Unknown:
time.
Hey, I'm Tracy Pinnock and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast, where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups. I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
[00:00:26] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. I'm out on the playground with the boys. Birds are chirping. They're playing, falling, getting a little hurt here and there, but nothing major. So excuse any random noises. Cars are driving by, all that good stuff. But I wanted to talk today about the seven relationship categories that I identify, and, yeah, to talk about them particularly in relation to your dating experience. First, let me explain why I think it's important to identify these categories and ultimately label your relationships. Yes. That's what I said. None of this, oh, we don't wanna put a label on it. That is ridiculous. You have a label for every other relationship in your life. You know who your parents are, your teachers are, your coworkers.
You know who the that the cashier at the grocery store, you have a relationship with them that is stranger. So if you have labels for all of these relationships in your life, why would you not have labels for very important relationships in your life like your romantic partner or partners? Because whether you're in a committed relationship with someone or an ongoing dating relationship with someone, these can have hugely impactful, these can be hugely impactful to your life. So the other thing is that labeling relationships helps us understand the expectations.
If you know someone is a stranger to you, you have different expectations of them than you do of someone who is a friend. So it's very helpful for us to label the relationships in our lives. So let me get into these seven categories. Category number one is stranger. This is the relationship that you have with most humans on this earth. So the seven or so billion humans that exist on this earth, you are a stranger to them. They are a stranger to you. I mean, that's pretty straightforward and clear cut. We don't tend to have significant expectations of strangers.
Most of us expect and hope for basic human decency, general, you know, being cordial, respectful, things like that. But you don't really have big asks of strangers. The next category is acquaintances. These are friends of friends or coworkers you're not particularly close to. These are people who you generally have a respectful cordial relationship with, although you could have a contentious relationship with an acquaintance. But they are someone who you know of or have been introduced to, but you are not particularly close to. But you may be in situations in which you in which you are in which you would interact. So working together or hanging out with mutual friends, things like that.
Our expectations of acquaintances may be, you know, asking a favor here or there, but, generally, we don't have particularly great expectations of them. More so, like, for instance, if they exist in a working relationship, you have the expectations of them doing their job. Again, basic human decency, respect, things like that. But acquaintances can become close relationships. Friendships begin as acquaintances at least for some period of time that could be a very short period of time or a longer period of time. But this is how friendships and really any further relationship begins. So a dating relationship, a committed relationship, you start out really as strangers then become acquaintances and then could potentially move, move from there.
Next, we have platonic friendships. So these are friendships with people that have no sexual intimacy. They would obviously have some emotional intimacy at least to some extent because they are friendships. Although, of course, there are different dynamics in friendships. So there are some friendships where we're sharing intimate, private sensitive information, and there are other friendships where things are maybe kept more surface. Maybe you hang out with those people, but you don't share a lot about what's going on with you. But there's still some form of of, basic intimacy, but not in a romantic or sexual nature.
And our expectations in platonic relationships, platonic friendships, are of a like, you know, having camaraderie and companionship and hanging out and doing things together, but not, they're not sexual in nature, the expectations. And so, obviously, it is important to understand that a friendship is platonic versus the next category, which would be, like, friends with benefits. Because knowing the label for that relationship comes with having vastly different expectations of one another. The next category, friends with benefits, is a friendship where there is also physical intimacy.
There's also, like, the emotional intimacy there as well in order for it to be a friendship. But the understanding is that there is a sexual relationship, and there is no intention to move into a committed relationship. Now I'm not saying that things don't start out as friends with benefits and move into other things, but the expectations of a friends with benefits relationship is one in which the the two people involved are not in a committed relationship. They very likely are not in a they are not in an exclusively dating relationship.
They see other people, may sleep with other people if they so choose, but they do have a friendship and camaraderie and positive interactions and things like that, and they also sleep with one another. So a friends with benefits relationship, as I explained before, is different than a platonic one because a platonic one, there's no sexual involvement. But it's also different than the next category, which is casually dating, and I'll explain in more detail what that is about. But understanding that something is friends with benefits versus an actual dating relationship is important because, again, it can help to, it can help everyone have clear expectations of what to expect from one another.
[00:07:30] Unknown:
Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod? If so, please know it's greatly appreciated and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can. Might I suggest a few options? First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple podcast, or whatever platform you choose. Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything. If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracy panach on Instagram. And lastly, if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracey Panach from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you?
Please and thank you.
[00:08:22] Unknown:
The next category is casual dating partners or dating casually. So this is dating more than one person, but it is casual. So this is not having relationships committed relationships with multiple people. This is you go to the movies with one person, dinner with another person. You're getting to know these people so you can determine who you might want to exclusively date. So this is where you're doing the significant amount of vetting your significant amount of vetting in your dating process. So asking questions, getting to know one another, hanging out with one another, spending time with one another so that you can get a feel for who you are with one another. So you could get a feel of this person and seeing if they match up with your ideal partner standards.
So casually dating, the idea is that you are vetting out partners in order to find who you might want to exclusively date. Whereas, like, friends with benefits relationship, there's not an intention of a future together, not of building a future together. You may continue to be friends with benefits forever, but there's not this intentional looking towards the future to build something together, to build a life together. So, anyway, to stick with casual dating, the idea is that you are dating different people and getting to know them enough to decide who you would want to date exclusively and to know who you no longer want to date and who you no longer want to see. So a prime example of this is, like, being being on a dating app, meeting a few people on there, going out with them, and kind of rotating people in and out. So maybe you meet, you know, two, three people on the dating app. You're going on a date with them. You realize, oh, this one, it you know, there's not a lot of chemistry, or this one, I really don't like them or our values don't align or whatever it is. I stopped seeing them. I start dating someone else, and it allows you to really get a sense of what you want and don't want, what you can tolerate and what you can't tolerate. You're able to, compare people in terms of noticing, oh, I actually like it when this person does this as opposed to this other person who never does that. These are very this is very valuable information.
Being able to rotationally date, casually date is very, very important and helpful and useful in your dating process. It helps you make informed decisions. Next, we have exclusively dating. So this is deciding of those three, four, or five people you're dating, the people who you are rotating in and out. You've decided there is one that you would like to focus on exclusively, which is still a step before a committed relationship, which I'll get to. So with exclusively dating, there needs to be a direct conversation between you and your dating partner that you want to move from casually dating in in which you two could be dating multiple people and into exclusively dating in which you are wanting to be monogamous, and you are wanting to only go out on dates with one another. And you're wanting to really focus on on getting to see how you and that other person fit together.
And this is different than a committed relationship because you are not yet saying that you're actually trying to join your lives together to build a future. You are simply saying, I'm going to focus on you instead of two or three other people. So you are more quickly able to really get a sense of how you guys work together and stuff like that. And, you know, different people might have different things going on in terms of how they do this. What I mean is, like, you know, maybe maybe you had stayed at the person's place before exclusively exclusively dating. So maybe when you were casually dating them, you stayed over their place or they stayed over yours. Or maybe you're somebody who, like, that doesn't start happening until you're exclusively dating the person. There's no specific answer on that or specific way to do that.
But it's more about you recognize at the exclusive dating point, you have vetted this person to an extent that you feel you want to continue to explore things with them on a one on one basis. The final relationship category is committed relationship. So this is going from exclusively dating and deciding that, hey. We want to try to do this thing called life together. We're deciding that we when we make decisions like, when I make a decision for myself, I'm also making a decision with you in mind. So where I would want to live. Maybe you're moving in together.
Maybe you're having kids. Maybe you're getting engaged, getting married. The answers vary for everyone. Some people may not have any intention of being married, but they still want a committed partnership. The key factor here with the committed relationship is that you are making plans for your life with that other person in mind. Because, also, people can be in a committed, non monogamous relationship if they want. They the healthy way to do that is to have conversations and understandings and agreements on what the guidelines of your, polyamory and non nonmonogamous relationship is.
But the idea is the commitment part. Like, hey. You know, if I wanted to move to another state, I would be considering the fact that I'm in in a committed relationship with you. So that's something we would both need to talk about and agree on As opposed to if you're exclusively dating someone and you're not you you're, you know, really trying to make this decision about whether you wanna move or not, you might have a conversation with the person that, like, hey. This is where I am. This is what I wanna do with my life and kinda be more free to do it because you haven't made that commitment yet. But upon deciding you wanna be in a committed relationship, these are things that you are absolutely going to need to and want to factor in when it comes to another person. So the committed relationship stage, which is like the the, I guess, you could say final relationship stage, it involves building a life together.
Okay. To recap the relationship categories, we have strangers, acquaintances, platonic friends, friends with benefits, casually dating, exclusively dating, and committed relationship. And if you want more information on the relationship categories and on how to vet dating partners, check out the show notes because I have links to my YouTube channels about these specific things. There's actually four videos that you should take a look at. One is label your relationships that talks about the relationship categories and the other three are part of a series. So there's part one, two, and three around vetting dating partners.
[00:15:27] Unknown:
Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast. Just search my name on YouTube and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach. And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services. My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered. As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next
[00:16:15] Unknown:
time.
