Bitter to Better

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In this episode , I share why the holiday and cold-weather season can be the perfect time to take an intentional break from dating. While I always encourage consistency and showing up for your goals, I’m just as committed to honoring self-care—and sometimes that looks like pausing to recalibrate. I walk you through how to check in with your needs, set boundaries, and use this time to soothe your nervous system while also reflecting on what’s worked (and what hasn’t) in your dating life this year.

 I offer a practical two-part framework for your intentional pause: relaxation and work. On the relaxation side, focus on what brings you peace, joy, and excitement—whether that’s stepping back from dating and dating apps, enjoying solitude, or setting holiday boundaries with loved ones. On the work side, take inventory of your goals across life domains—health, parenting, home, career, finances, dating—and get specific about what you want to upgrade in the new year. I also encourage a mindful review of how you’ve used dating apps, the quality of your dates, and what you want to carry forward. This is not “giving up”; it’s a strategic reset to step into the next season clear, calm, and intentional.
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Ep. 35: Chase That Great Date Feeling
https://serve.podhome.fm/episodepage/the-bitter-to-better/35

MINISODE: Thankful For Solitude
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tracie-pinnock3/episodes/MINISODE-Thankful-For-Solitude-e2cakrg

Ep. 15: How to EFFECTIVELY Use Dating Apps
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tracie-pinnock3/episodes/Ep--15-How-to-EFFECTIVELY-Use-Dating-Apps-e23suk1

[00:00:00] Unknown:

Welcome to the Better to Better podcast. Before we get into today's into today's episode, I want to remind you guys of a couple of things. Today is the first day that you can register for the free date better webinar that I'll be hosting   on December 15. I I believe it'll be 06:30PM   eastern time.   And what I highly recommend is that you go ahead and click the link that's in the show notes in order to register. You'll also be able to go to my website if you'd like, which is coachtracy.life,coachtracie,.life,   if you want to register for this webinar. So, one, it'll be a very,   good way to get just information about dating as a mom   and how to help this process along.  

But, also, it will be the first time that people can join the Datebetter program   and take advantage of the bonuses that I'm offering for people who are who attend the webinar and actually join at the time of the webinar. So the date better program launches in January, meaning our first group meeting and all of that will start in January.   But you want to,   hop in and get access to the bonuses and everything by being at the webinar.   So I highly recommend   that you take a moment to click the link in the show notes or go to my website so that you can register for the date better webinar.   Also, always know that you can join my email list, which there's also a link in the show notes for that. And in joining the joining the email list, you'll be able to stay up to date in all the things that are happening and going on. Through my email list, I send out,   updates and information about,   things like registering for webinars, joining programs,   things like that. And, also, it's helpful for you to watch this and listen to this podcast on YouTube and to just to subscribe to my YouTube channel, which is coach Tracy,   and also to follow the podcast on whatever podcast platform you prefer. Alright. That's all for today and announcements. Now let's get into the episode, which is the benefits of taking a break from dating.  

I am doing this episode now because,   as I said in a previous episode,   the winter prep   episode,   the when the cold weather comes, it tends there tends to be a natural,   dating or I should say more so maybe the cold weather and the holidays. The holidays tend to cause an interruption to for dating for some people, just kind of like when it causes an interruption for hiring at a job. And, you know, I always talk about the fact that you are the   HR manager, the human resources manager for your dating life for your life, really,   but for your dating life. And   this   the dating process kind of mimics that flow where, you know, if you're applying for a job, you tend to it takes longer to hear back around this time of year because people are taking time off and   you're taking breaks and things like that. Right? So with that, this can be a good time to take a break from dating if you are feeling called to do that. If you are not feeling called to do that, don't don't take a break from dating now. Keep moving forward and doing the due diligence.  

But I do want to make the point that as much as I talk about consistently dating, not giving up, being out there,   I first always value checking in with yourself on your needs. I'm at the heart of hearts of self care girly   because I see dating as self care. If if your goal is to bring a partner into your life or to just go out and have fun with people, then dating is self care.   But self care is also knowing when you need breaks and knowing when you need time. So today's episode is about the benefits of taking a break from dating if you are being called to do so.   So   I think of it as, you know, this time of year can be a good time to take a break. You might find less people on the apps, again, because they're leaning into holiday stuff or travel or things like that. And so it can be used as a time to recalibrate for yourself. You can identify goals that you   and goals and desires that you have for your life,   goals and desires that you have for the next few months,   and really sit and take time to think and write down   these goals and desires. And, of course, this, like, you know, very much flows into the idea of people, you know, setting New Year's resolutions for the New Year or things like that. I don't personally set resolutions. I simply   continue my process of identifying my desires in life   and kind of leaning into that. Again, I've mentioned I'm really into law of attraction and all of that, so that's kind of part of my process.  

But,   this is a time to recalibrate.   So what I encourage you to do, what I challenge you to do is to get a journal, get some pen and paper, and literally ask yourself what are things that I want for myself in my life. And I want one of those areas that you focus on to be your romantic life. Do I want companionship, partnership? Do I want a good time? Do I want friends with benefits? But identify what it is you're really looking for right now so you you can, really lean into,   aiming for that when you get back to dating if you're choosing to take a break. And so   if you are taking a break right now, I think of a cup like, a couple of things that you wanna be doing. You want to be relaxing on one end, and you want to be working on the other. So relaxing,   I'm thinking of you wanting to find ways to bring calm and peace to yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.  

Maybe you've had a rough go of dating lately, and so you want to just simply, like, give your nervous system a break. So you're gonna be thinking about the things that help you do that. What helps to calm and soothe you? So I I say self care is anything that brings you a sense of peace, joy, or excitement. So So we're looking at the peace bucket. What are the things that bring you peace?   It may be going no contact with certain people who you've been dating. It may be,   reducing   the amount to which you are, you know, in your DMs on the dating apps or, you know, responding to people.   It may be choosing not to go on any dates right now,   but being intentional about this. Because what I want you to be wary of is this idea of just, like, giving up on dating. I talk about the fact that you can experience dating burnout just like you can experience burnout from anything.  

And so   I always want you to be careful of getting to the point of being burnt out because then that makes you just give up. And I'm not here I'm not advocating just giving up and saying, whatever. I'm not gonna date anymore. No. No. What you need to do is check-in with yourself and recognize when you need a break and when you need to rejuvenate and refill, and this could be a good time to do that. Right? So what are the things that are bringing you peace, joy, and excitement? Is it decorating for the holidays? Is it cooking?   Is it hosting friend hosting friends and family? Is it not very intentionally not hosting friends and family, maybe going some to someone else's house or having a really chill,   holiday?  

Back maybe two Thanksgivings ago,   I have an episode on this podcast about being thankful for solitude, and I had a very, like,   I I was in,   kind of on my own in a lot of solitude that Thanksgiving, and that was just what I needed, and it was wonderful. So I highly recommend you maybe going back and listening to that episode.   I will try to link it in the show notes. But,   check-in with what you need to bring peace and calm. You know? What are the conversations maybe you need to have with your kids around certain, boundaries that you want to put in place around   your your needs as a person and your their needs as your children? Right? But this also applies to friends and family.  

This is a great time a great time to lean into boundary setting and identifying, oh, here's what I need right now. Here's the here's the the space that I need in order to kind of rejuvenate and be ready for, you know, the next month, stuff like that. So on one hand, you're looking at what relaxes you, calms you, soothes you. On the other hand, there is work to be done. And the work that may need to be done are things on self evolution,   things on meeting certain goals that you have for yourself. That could be health, fitness, parenting,   household, career, employment, finances,   dating,   any of the things. But identifying what those things are that you want to change or improve because that's where the work will be. This is also a time to catch up on   work around the house, errands, just life stuff that maybe has fallen by the wayside. So you're, like, taking a break from dating   and leaning into maybe having some time off, during the holidays and saying, hey. I wanna attend to my home. I wanna attend to my my body and myself. I wanna attend to my kids. Maybe it's a time for you to catch up on work, like, at your job. Maybe it's a time for you to,   catch up on stuff that you've been behind on if that feels good to you. Meaning, because you may not have to be showing up to work right now at certain times or maybe because you are, spending less time out dating. Right? Like, you have more time at home to catch up on things if that's gonna make you feel better   to catch up on work.  

What you want to be doing is being intentional about asking yourself what are things that I want to change, upgrade,   fix, work on, catch up on right now? And utilize this time to do that.   So this is a good time when we talk about goal setting. Right? Things you want to change or see be different.   This is a good time for you to reflect   on the past year,   what's been good, what's not been good, and help yourself identify what you want to keep and bring into the new year versus what you want to stay   in this year. Right? And this applies to any part of your life, but particularly in dating.   Let's talk about the fact that you want to ask yourself, what have I liked and enjoyed and appreciated about my dating experience this year? What haven't I? Maybe you've done no dating, and that's not something you appreciate and you want it to be different next year. So that's something that you want to the no dating is what you wanna leave in 2025   and you want to bring into 2026, the idea of dating and going on more dates. Maybe you've been going on dates, they but they haven't been particularly good quality dates. You want to identify what has made them not feel so great, and you want to say, okay. I wanna leave those type of dates here, and I want more of these type of dates. There's an episode about leaning into,   that great date feeling. So asking yourself, have there been any great date or parts of dates that have been good that I want more of that? You wanna you wanna think about that. And I'll also try to link that episode in the in the show notes as well. But you wanna be thinking about what type of dates or what parts or pieces of dates do I wanna take into the new year. Maybe I found some good restaurants,   and I want to take those into the new year and have those be places that I that I go and I frequent.  

You want to be asking yourself,   how have   I used dating apps? Have I not used them at all? Have I used them in a way where, like, I always say, people are, like, actually dating through the app. They're, like, talking forever for weeks and weeks or days and days. Rather than using the dating apps as a do as a directory. There's also episodes about that.   You wanna be using the dating apps to meet people, but then you want to quickly get in real life with them so that you can determine if it's worth spending your time and energy with with them.   So maybe you've been using the dating apps and not in a in effective way, and you wanna leave that in 2025 and you want to carry into 2026 this idea of being more efficient at using dating apps.  

What I feel is one of the best episodes I've done is how to effectively use dating apps, so I will link that one as well.   This is a time to be very intentional and very thoughtful.   The, next week's episode of the podcast is going to be more specific,   specifically about goal setting,   going into the new year and just things that I've done or do or things that can be helpful, things for you to think about, kind of things to reflect on to help you in your goal setting.   But   I just want you to be intentional   about any breaks that you take in dating rather than doing what so many women do. They get frustrated. Some guy does something stupid or says something dumb, and they're like, I'm over it. I'm just getting off the app, and they've been on the app for, like, a week.  

Great. But you're not gonna get great results. Or they're like, I'm over. I don't wanna deal with men. I don't wanna talk to men. So they just kinda shut themselves off, like, you know, when they go out or,   they don't go out at all. None of that is going to work to your benefit. I always say that if a man walked up to your front door right now, rang the doorbell, and said, I'm the perfect guy for you, that would probably be really creepy and scary in real life, and you would call the police. Right? Like, what I mean is that person is not just gonna come walking up to your front door, the magical perfect person for you, and you be   aware of that in the moment. Because if some guy does that, I'm closing the door and calling the police. Like, I don't know you, sir. Like, what's going on? Right? This is not   some I was gonna say some Lifetime movie. I mean, that'd be unfortunate because those always go bad. Some,   Hallmark movie,   where these sort of things are happening and that feels good because then we'd be starting to talk about, oh, no. Like, is he the next Tinder Swindler or is he gonna love bomb you x, y, and z? Right? So you gotta be realistic.  

And anything that's important to you or of importance or of value   usually requires some amount of work. So I'm always out here pushing for the fact that you do the intentional work in dating, but I'm also recognizing   and needing you to recognize,   like, finding, like, those boundaries and knowing when you need to step back, take a break. But that that it's an intentional break. It's not a I'm just throwing it all up and I'm over it sort of thing. It's a, you know what? I'm gonna take this time to recalibrate,   to relax and calm myself and soothe myself, but also to identify where I wanna do the work. K? So the benefits of taking a break from dating is it allows you to recalibrate. You need to find ways to relax and chill out, but you also can take time to be intentional about intentional about what you want to work on and where you want to do the work. Alright?  

That's all.