In this episode I'm sharing my personal experience of and process for rebuilding after a breakup.
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[00:00:06]
Unknown:
Hey, I'm Tracy Pinnock and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast, where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups. I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
[00:00:26] Unknown:
So here we are. I want to talk about oh, goodness. I want to talk about rebuilding after a breakup. And, of course, there are so many things involved with that, but I'm thinking about kind of a lot of the practical aspects of it. So after you leave a relationship where you've established something with someone, meaning maybe you've lived together, maybe you've joined finances, maybe you have kids together, but just, you know, in significant ways you've joined your lives together and how you start to rebuild after that. For me, I moved to a new town after my most recent breakup, which now is about, let's see, less than a year and a half ago, but over a year ago.
And I moved to a new town, and I have been reestablishing myself. It's me and my two kids. Both of my kids' fathers, are actively involved in their lives, and so they spend time with them. My oldest son goes with his dad on weekends and school breaks. Not every weekend, but periodic weekends and school breaks because he goes to school from my house during the week. And my youngest son spends the week with his father where he goes to school from his father's house, and I have him on the weekends. So I kinda have a mixture of parenting things going on. But, I'm sitting here currently in my car as I watch my son and one of his friends from school playing in the park.
And, it's a really nice spring day, and I'm just having, like, a moment of gratitude. Gratitude for the town that I live in that I love. Gratitude for the home that I'm in. Gratitude for my son making friends and me being able to have the ability to pick them up from school and bring them to the playground, and they take turns having play dates with one another, and it's really cool. I guess you can think of these things as, like, the foundational stage of rebuilding after a breakup, meaning, like, getting an order where you live, where your kids go to school, certain money things, stuff like that. So as I was saying, I have a lot of gratitude for where I've settled myself and my kids. And, over this past year and a quarter, I guess, my son has been making friends. I've now started to engage with his friends' parents.
And, that's been really nice because one of the things I very much want for us us is a sense of community, like, right where we live. Because I definitely have friends who don't live in my town, who I have good relationships with and keep in touch with and hang out with. But I like the sense of having people who live right near you who you can just kind of call them up and do things around town or, you know, pick up and drop off one another's kids and, you know, have easy play dates and things like that. So it's feeling really good right now, and, you know, it hasn't felt good at every second.
There's been times of of loneliness and isolation, even when plenty of things were going well. Like, I'm very good about acknowledging the good. As I mentioned in the first episode, law of attraction is my jam, so I'm very big on gratitude and energy and being in alignment and all of that. So that's a constant practice for me, and it's very helpful for me. And yet it doesn't discount life's, you know, down moments. And so, not just, like, lonely or isolated moments, but my son has just come to the car, so I stopped recording. Just by the way, I think that's something to get used to in this podcast. Like, I record, you know, when I'm out and about sometimes, and I need to stop the recording and then pick it up. So it might mean that I'm not exactly sure at the exact point that I left off before I stop the recording. So expect moments like that. But I feel like it gives you a taste of what's going on with me. So I was saying, oh, that, it's not just the moments of, like, feeling lonely or a bit isolated, which definitely is improving for me, but also practical things. Like, for me, the financial hardships of it all, you know, going from two incomes to one, and, yeah, just trying to establish myself, in a town that well, first of all, in this housing market in The United States right now, it's it's cray. But, I'm renting, and, so even, like, rental prices are, like, out of control.
But I love the area that that I'm in, and so these are sacrifices that I am willing to make. And so I'm feeling even better right now financially with some things I've established. There's still a ways to go. I am not financially where I want to be, but I am getting there. So to that, I'm just, yeah, having this moment of, like, you know, saying, oh, wow. I mean, I'm doing it. It's happening. Pats on the back. I'm a big proponent of celebrating every tiny victory. So really being able to take a moment and say, wow. You're doing a good job. This is going well.
Look at that thing you've achieved. So, yeah, from October of twenty twenty one when I moved to now, My place is being decorated more and more. It's feeling more and more homey. We're it feels like home to all of us. My kids are in school, and they are flourishing and thriving. You know, my older son is making friends, and I'm getting to know their parents. So I'm making social connections in my town like I wanted to. I'm getting more financially established. I am having, a good influx of clients right now in my therapy practice. So all of this is happening, and it's feeling really good.
I've done some dating, especially earlier on in moving. I did some casual dating, and it was fun. Then I took a bit of a break. If you listen to episode one, I'm currently in the process of creating some distance between myself and a dating partner, and I'll continue to kind of update on that process. But, yeah, it's it's happening. And so I just wanted to take moments to talk about this idea of, like, reestablishing, rebuilding after a breakup. So it involved moving into a new town, into a new home, getting my my oldest son established in school, starting to make social connections. Speaking of social connections, one of the things I did very soon after moving here, so November of twenty twenty one, the day before Thanksgiving, I decided to just go out by myself in my new town.
I'm a part of a Facebook group that mentioned a, a, like, restaurant bar in the area that had live music. And I was like, I'm just gonna go out and try that. And I did that, and I met, like, this group of people, two women and a guy who are much older than me, but, like, it was the best. Like, I was sitting at the bar. One of them came and started talking to me, and then she invited me to her into her group. And turns out one of the women lives on my street, and so she's been a, cool friend to have. Like, we've hung out a couple of times. So things like this, I just love these type of moments. And a lot of them come from putting yourself out there, from deciding what you want and how you want your life to look and and looking at how you take even the smallest steps to get there. Go out and explore a new place. You never know who you meet. Talk to somebody. You never know who you meet. You know? So these are, yeah. So I just had a moment of just remembering that, actually. That's one of my, like, favorite moments when it comes to, like, making friends. I'm like, yeah. I did that.
And it felt good, and it only encourages me to do things like that more often because that's how, you know, you make great connections. Financially, I opened up a savings account, an online savings account where I could easily transfer money back and forth. I call it my freedom fund because emergency fund just doesn't bring the type of vibes that I wanted to bring. So it's called my freedom fund. And I am currently just having small amounts of money transferred to it each month, but it's a start. And it lays a foundation, and it helps me feel good. And so I recommend just finding the smallest ways to, reestablish yourself, financially.
I have a savings account for my oldest son, and I need to open one up for my youngest son. But they both have piggy banks that we are filling up with dollars and coins. And when those get full, I take the money out of those, and I deposit them into the savings account at the bank. So I'm trying to help my kids establish good money habits, but also have positive vibes around money. And, it's funny because my oldest son was, recently out with friends, and the mom of one of his friends texted me. She was like, your son is hilarious. She explained that some kids were talking about their piggy banks.
And my son said, he said, I have a bank account. It's time to grow up, bro. And she said it was hilarious. I didn't know whether to laugh or be embarrassed, but I guess a little bit of both. But, also, like, a bit proud because I'm like, oh, he takes pride in his savings account. This is good. I like this. And so yeah. I mean, moments like that, you know, are highlights for me, and I count them as tiny victories. Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod?
[00:11:06] Unknown:
If so, please know it's greatly appreciated and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can. Might I suggest a few options? First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or whatever platform you choose. Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything. If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracypenock on Instagram. And lastly, if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Traceypenock from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you? Please and thank you.
[00:11:53] Unknown:
Let's see. I'm I've also been trying to get to know our community and our town, so I like to explore different parks and things like that. That's one thing that I'm super excited for with the spring and summer here, is getting to know more of the green spaces in our area. We live by a beach, so that's been really nice. We definitely take advantage of that in the summer. And, I'm looking forward to exploring more, like, walking trails and things like that. So just getting to know your town and community is another part of rebuilding and reestablishing. I'm getting to know my favorite coffee shops. I can't recommend enough joining local Facebook groups to, you know, talk to locals who can give you the ins and outs of things. So I found a bunch of great coffee shops that way.
Looking at attractions and things for the kids, we live very close to, you could even say, walking distance from, an aquarium and really just taking advantage of things. Oh, the library, that's been big. I mentioned in a previous episode that I, have gotten gotten back into reading. And so I got myself and, my oldest son a library card. And so we've been utilizing the library, which has been so great. And, yeah, so going out and exploring your area, that is a big piece of helping it feel like home and just, again, reestablishing yourself and finding out, you know, areas or places that you like and enjoy.
Another thing that I had to get in place early on upon moving and starting this rebuilding process is childcare. So my mom helps out a lot with that. And, again, both boys go with their dads, at times. But I wanted to also have, like, paid childcare, either, like, a part time nanny, babysitters, things like that. So I did get a part time nanny for a period of time, particularly before my youngest started pre k because that's when I needed it more. But I also and I used, I think I found her through care.com. She's also become, a friend, so that's been pretty cool.
But then, also, I used the Bambino app, which I really like, which is kind of more as needed childcare, and it allowed me to establish myself with a babysitter who I'm able to call up periodically when I need, you know, childcare for a few hours. Maybe there's a school event for my my son that I need to attend that's just for parents, or maybe it's a date, or maybe it's just something I wanna go out and do with friends or with my mom or something like that. And that's been great. So that's been a a key part of me being able to rebuild is having, you know, trusted, secure childcare.
So that's one of the things that, as a parent, you may need to put some energy effort, some money potentially into. So a lot of this has to do with establishing your priorities, what your needs are so that you can direct your resources in that direction. Hey. So I've talked about moving towns, housing, a little bit about finances, child care, social connections. What else? Also, I've wanted to maintain good health. So in terms of fitness, walking is a thing that I do a lot around here because of the environment, being by the water, things like that. There are parks to walk in. So that's been a part of my fitness routine in addition to some things that I mentioned in a previous episode, like hula hooping, doing my supernatural workout, yoga, things like that.
These things were important or are important to my mental health. I don't necessarily do all of them all the time. Well, when the weather is cold and not nice, I do not walk. But now it's spring, so I'm getting back into it. Yoga is something I would like to be more consistent with. I go in and out with that. And hula hooping, is something I do just on a whim because I like it. And Supernatural is more of my, like, official workout that I try to do four days a week. I guess another thing actually then when it comes to rebuilding and establishing myself, it's been like schedule and organization.
So kind of between work and when I have the kids, and, you know, my oldest son's school schedule and things like that, I definitely plan things around that. So for instance, my workout schedule, typically, my primary workout days are Mondays through through Thursdays, because Friday, I pick up my youngest son, and I have him until Sunday. And trying to exercise with him in the house is just like a no. It pretty much would be after he goes to bed, and I am so tired after he goes to bed because I have to stay with him, lay with him till he goes to sleep, and that can be a challenging process some nights. So realistically, I don't get much working out done, on the days that I have him. So I schedule my workout days to be Monday through Thursdays.
So things like that are things that I had to figure out so that I could have some sort of routine so that I could, you know, handle all the things I need to handle in my life. I need to work. I need to keep the house. I need to get my children to and from places. I need to feed us all. I need to grocery shop. I mean, I'm not listing anything you don't already know. But in order to have these things in place, I really do have to have schedules and plans and routines. Some practical routines that help me actually get the things done and make the time for them, but also things routines that tend to my emotional and mental well-being as well. So, again, making the social connections and making time to work out and, things like that. So these are just some thoughts on rebuilding, reestablishing in practical ways. There's, of course, a whole lot of rebuilding and reestablishing emotionally after a breakup, and we will talk plenty about that throughout this podcast.
So I'm glad you were able to tune in today and see you next week.
[00:18:28] Unknown:
Hey, by the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast. Just search my name on YouTube and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracypenach. And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get break up and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services. My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered. As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.
Hey, I'm Tracy Pinnock and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast, where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups. I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.
[00:00:26] Unknown:
So here we are. I want to talk about oh, goodness. I want to talk about rebuilding after a breakup. And, of course, there are so many things involved with that, but I'm thinking about kind of a lot of the practical aspects of it. So after you leave a relationship where you've established something with someone, meaning maybe you've lived together, maybe you've joined finances, maybe you have kids together, but just, you know, in significant ways you've joined your lives together and how you start to rebuild after that. For me, I moved to a new town after my most recent breakup, which now is about, let's see, less than a year and a half ago, but over a year ago.
And I moved to a new town, and I have been reestablishing myself. It's me and my two kids. Both of my kids' fathers, are actively involved in their lives, and so they spend time with them. My oldest son goes with his dad on weekends and school breaks. Not every weekend, but periodic weekends and school breaks because he goes to school from my house during the week. And my youngest son spends the week with his father where he goes to school from his father's house, and I have him on the weekends. So I kinda have a mixture of parenting things going on. But, I'm sitting here currently in my car as I watch my son and one of his friends from school playing in the park.
And, it's a really nice spring day, and I'm just having, like, a moment of gratitude. Gratitude for the town that I live in that I love. Gratitude for the home that I'm in. Gratitude for my son making friends and me being able to have the ability to pick them up from school and bring them to the playground, and they take turns having play dates with one another, and it's really cool. I guess you can think of these things as, like, the foundational stage of rebuilding after a breakup, meaning, like, getting an order where you live, where your kids go to school, certain money things, stuff like that. So as I was saying, I have a lot of gratitude for where I've settled myself and my kids. And, over this past year and a quarter, I guess, my son has been making friends. I've now started to engage with his friends' parents.
And, that's been really nice because one of the things I very much want for us us is a sense of community, like, right where we live. Because I definitely have friends who don't live in my town, who I have good relationships with and keep in touch with and hang out with. But I like the sense of having people who live right near you who you can just kind of call them up and do things around town or, you know, pick up and drop off one another's kids and, you know, have easy play dates and things like that. So it's feeling really good right now, and, you know, it hasn't felt good at every second.
There's been times of of loneliness and isolation, even when plenty of things were going well. Like, I'm very good about acknowledging the good. As I mentioned in the first episode, law of attraction is my jam, so I'm very big on gratitude and energy and being in alignment and all of that. So that's a constant practice for me, and it's very helpful for me. And yet it doesn't discount life's, you know, down moments. And so, not just, like, lonely or isolated moments, but my son has just come to the car, so I stopped recording. Just by the way, I think that's something to get used to in this podcast. Like, I record, you know, when I'm out and about sometimes, and I need to stop the recording and then pick it up. So it might mean that I'm not exactly sure at the exact point that I left off before I stop the recording. So expect moments like that. But I feel like it gives you a taste of what's going on with me. So I was saying, oh, that, it's not just the moments of, like, feeling lonely or a bit isolated, which definitely is improving for me, but also practical things. Like, for me, the financial hardships of it all, you know, going from two incomes to one, and, yeah, just trying to establish myself, in a town that well, first of all, in this housing market in The United States right now, it's it's cray. But, I'm renting, and, so even, like, rental prices are, like, out of control.
But I love the area that that I'm in, and so these are sacrifices that I am willing to make. And so I'm feeling even better right now financially with some things I've established. There's still a ways to go. I am not financially where I want to be, but I am getting there. So to that, I'm just, yeah, having this moment of, like, you know, saying, oh, wow. I mean, I'm doing it. It's happening. Pats on the back. I'm a big proponent of celebrating every tiny victory. So really being able to take a moment and say, wow. You're doing a good job. This is going well.
Look at that thing you've achieved. So, yeah, from October of twenty twenty one when I moved to now, My place is being decorated more and more. It's feeling more and more homey. We're it feels like home to all of us. My kids are in school, and they are flourishing and thriving. You know, my older son is making friends, and I'm getting to know their parents. So I'm making social connections in my town like I wanted to. I'm getting more financially established. I am having, a good influx of clients right now in my therapy practice. So all of this is happening, and it's feeling really good.
I've done some dating, especially earlier on in moving. I did some casual dating, and it was fun. Then I took a bit of a break. If you listen to episode one, I'm currently in the process of creating some distance between myself and a dating partner, and I'll continue to kind of update on that process. But, yeah, it's it's happening. And so I just wanted to take moments to talk about this idea of, like, reestablishing, rebuilding after a breakup. So it involved moving into a new town, into a new home, getting my my oldest son established in school, starting to make social connections. Speaking of social connections, one of the things I did very soon after moving here, so November of twenty twenty one, the day before Thanksgiving, I decided to just go out by myself in my new town.
I'm a part of a Facebook group that mentioned a, a, like, restaurant bar in the area that had live music. And I was like, I'm just gonna go out and try that. And I did that, and I met, like, this group of people, two women and a guy who are much older than me, but, like, it was the best. Like, I was sitting at the bar. One of them came and started talking to me, and then she invited me to her into her group. And turns out one of the women lives on my street, and so she's been a, cool friend to have. Like, we've hung out a couple of times. So things like this, I just love these type of moments. And a lot of them come from putting yourself out there, from deciding what you want and how you want your life to look and and looking at how you take even the smallest steps to get there. Go out and explore a new place. You never know who you meet. Talk to somebody. You never know who you meet. You know? So these are, yeah. So I just had a moment of just remembering that, actually. That's one of my, like, favorite moments when it comes to, like, making friends. I'm like, yeah. I did that.
And it felt good, and it only encourages me to do things like that more often because that's how, you know, you make great connections. Financially, I opened up a savings account, an online savings account where I could easily transfer money back and forth. I call it my freedom fund because emergency fund just doesn't bring the type of vibes that I wanted to bring. So it's called my freedom fund. And I am currently just having small amounts of money transferred to it each month, but it's a start. And it lays a foundation, and it helps me feel good. And so I recommend just finding the smallest ways to, reestablish yourself, financially.
I have a savings account for my oldest son, and I need to open one up for my youngest son. But they both have piggy banks that we are filling up with dollars and coins. And when those get full, I take the money out of those, and I deposit them into the savings account at the bank. So I'm trying to help my kids establish good money habits, but also have positive vibes around money. And, it's funny because my oldest son was, recently out with friends, and the mom of one of his friends texted me. She was like, your son is hilarious. She explained that some kids were talking about their piggy banks.
And my son said, he said, I have a bank account. It's time to grow up, bro. And she said it was hilarious. I didn't know whether to laugh or be embarrassed, but I guess a little bit of both. But, also, like, a bit proud because I'm like, oh, he takes pride in his savings account. This is good. I like this. And so yeah. I mean, moments like that, you know, are highlights for me, and I count them as tiny victories. Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod?
[00:11:06] Unknown:
If so, please know it's greatly appreciated and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can. Might I suggest a few options? First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or whatever platform you choose. Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything. If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracypenock on Instagram. And lastly, if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Traceypenock from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you? Please and thank you.
[00:11:53] Unknown:
Let's see. I'm I've also been trying to get to know our community and our town, so I like to explore different parks and things like that. That's one thing that I'm super excited for with the spring and summer here, is getting to know more of the green spaces in our area. We live by a beach, so that's been really nice. We definitely take advantage of that in the summer. And, I'm looking forward to exploring more, like, walking trails and things like that. So just getting to know your town and community is another part of rebuilding and reestablishing. I'm getting to know my favorite coffee shops. I can't recommend enough joining local Facebook groups to, you know, talk to locals who can give you the ins and outs of things. So I found a bunch of great coffee shops that way.
Looking at attractions and things for the kids, we live very close to, you could even say, walking distance from, an aquarium and really just taking advantage of things. Oh, the library, that's been big. I mentioned in a previous episode that I, have gotten gotten back into reading. And so I got myself and, my oldest son a library card. And so we've been utilizing the library, which has been so great. And, yeah, so going out and exploring your area, that is a big piece of helping it feel like home and just, again, reestablishing yourself and finding out, you know, areas or places that you like and enjoy.
Another thing that I had to get in place early on upon moving and starting this rebuilding process is childcare. So my mom helps out a lot with that. And, again, both boys go with their dads, at times. But I wanted to also have, like, paid childcare, either, like, a part time nanny, babysitters, things like that. So I did get a part time nanny for a period of time, particularly before my youngest started pre k because that's when I needed it more. But I also and I used, I think I found her through care.com. She's also become, a friend, so that's been pretty cool.
But then, also, I used the Bambino app, which I really like, which is kind of more as needed childcare, and it allowed me to establish myself with a babysitter who I'm able to call up periodically when I need, you know, childcare for a few hours. Maybe there's a school event for my my son that I need to attend that's just for parents, or maybe it's a date, or maybe it's just something I wanna go out and do with friends or with my mom or something like that. And that's been great. So that's been a a key part of me being able to rebuild is having, you know, trusted, secure childcare.
So that's one of the things that, as a parent, you may need to put some energy effort, some money potentially into. So a lot of this has to do with establishing your priorities, what your needs are so that you can direct your resources in that direction. Hey. So I've talked about moving towns, housing, a little bit about finances, child care, social connections. What else? Also, I've wanted to maintain good health. So in terms of fitness, walking is a thing that I do a lot around here because of the environment, being by the water, things like that. There are parks to walk in. So that's been a part of my fitness routine in addition to some things that I mentioned in a previous episode, like hula hooping, doing my supernatural workout, yoga, things like that.
These things were important or are important to my mental health. I don't necessarily do all of them all the time. Well, when the weather is cold and not nice, I do not walk. But now it's spring, so I'm getting back into it. Yoga is something I would like to be more consistent with. I go in and out with that. And hula hooping, is something I do just on a whim because I like it. And Supernatural is more of my, like, official workout that I try to do four days a week. I guess another thing actually then when it comes to rebuilding and establishing myself, it's been like schedule and organization.
So kind of between work and when I have the kids, and, you know, my oldest son's school schedule and things like that, I definitely plan things around that. So for instance, my workout schedule, typically, my primary workout days are Mondays through through Thursdays, because Friday, I pick up my youngest son, and I have him until Sunday. And trying to exercise with him in the house is just like a no. It pretty much would be after he goes to bed, and I am so tired after he goes to bed because I have to stay with him, lay with him till he goes to sleep, and that can be a challenging process some nights. So realistically, I don't get much working out done, on the days that I have him. So I schedule my workout days to be Monday through Thursdays.
So things like that are things that I had to figure out so that I could have some sort of routine so that I could, you know, handle all the things I need to handle in my life. I need to work. I need to keep the house. I need to get my children to and from places. I need to feed us all. I need to grocery shop. I mean, I'm not listing anything you don't already know. But in order to have these things in place, I really do have to have schedules and plans and routines. Some practical routines that help me actually get the things done and make the time for them, but also things routines that tend to my emotional and mental well-being as well. So, again, making the social connections and making time to work out and, things like that. So these are just some thoughts on rebuilding, reestablishing in practical ways. There's, of course, a whole lot of rebuilding and reestablishing emotionally after a breakup, and we will talk plenty about that throughout this podcast.
So I'm glad you were able to tune in today and see you next week.
[00:18:28] Unknown:
Hey, by the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast. Just search my name on YouTube and you'll find my channel. Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies. I can also be found on Instagram at tracypenach. And lastly, I most encourage you to join my email list where you get break up and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services. My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered. As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.
