Bitter to Better

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In this episode of the Better to Better podcast, we delve into the art of swiping left or right on dating apps, focusing on the preliminary vetting process. I emphasizes the importance of using dating apps as a directory to meet potential partners rather than attempting to date within the app itself. By doing so, users can avoid missing out on opportunities due to over-vetting. The discussion highlights the significance of physical attraction as the first impression on dating apps and advises listeners to consider whether they are attracted enough to a profile before swiping right. The host also shares personal experiences and insights on how men and women present themselves differently on these platforms, often catering to what their own gender finds appealing rather than what the opposite gender might be looking for.

The episode further explores the concept of baseline preferences and deal breakers, encouraging listeners to have a clear idea of their ideal partner list before engaging in the dating scene. The host provides practical advice on identifying key preferences such as lifestyle choices, location, and family plans, which can be crucial in deciding whether to swipe left or right. By focusing on these preliminary deal breakers, listeners can make informed decisions and avoid wasting time on incompatible matches. The episode concludes with a reminder to lower first date standards and prioritize in-person interactions to truly get to know potential partners beyond their online profiles.
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Ep. 15: How to EFFECTIVELY Use Dating Apps
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tracie-pinnock3/episodes/Ep--15-How-to-EFFECTIVELY-Use-Dating-Apps-e23suk1

Ep. 26: Lower Your First Date Standards
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/tracie-pinnock3/episodes/Ep--26-Lower-Your-First-Date-Standards-e2a3j5o

[00:00:02] Unknown:

Welcome to the Better to Better podcast.   First of all, there is lawn work going on outside, so I apologize for anything you may hear.   Again, hopefully, my good old   tech situation   handles it, and the background noise is taken out. But   I just listened to   I reviewed an episode. I actually, the episode that just released this week, and I feel like you could still hear the crickets in the background. So I really don't know, and I apologize in advance. That being said, today, we are talking about when to know to swipe left or right on the dating apps.   This really, gets at vetting. So this is another topic or another,   piece of vetting   the guys.  

This would be kind of preliminary   vetting, meaning, like,   this is, like,   before you pass go sort of thing. You're on the app. You're seeing profiles come up, and you're deciding, do I do I swipe left and say no thank you, or do I swipe right and say, okay. We're good to go.   And with that, I just wanted to just kind of mention some things that would be helpful in helping you decide and helping you determine.   The first thing is I talk about this again in a past episode,   about, how to use dating apps effectively, and I talk about a very, very, very important thing   that too many people get wrong, which is you should be using dating apps as a as a directory to meet people   and not as not   dating them on the app, which I know sounds   wild because it's a dating app. But the reality is you use the app to meet people to see who your options are, who you may want to go on a date with, and who you may want to date. We do too much attempting to date in the app, and that does shut us down   from dating opportunities.  

It will have you decide not to go on dates or not to,   you know, accept a date from someone   based on doing a little too much vetting in the app. So I'm starting all of this with saying, you know, this kind of warning not to do too much, but I'll talk about how to do it. Because, of course, there are some preliminary   vetting things that you want to do. Like, if someone is glaringly not right for you, then don't waste your time or their time. So that's what I wanna talk about today of kind of having an idea or giving some guidance as to when to swipe left or right. So   let's get right into that, which is to say,   first of all, is physical   attraction. Right? Like, that is the very first thing that you see and notice about a person on a dating app because you are not meeting them in person. You have yet to have a conversation with them. Right? So you wanna say, am I attracted enough? This goes into my lowering your first date standards. One of the four questions that I have you ask yourself is, am I attracted enough? Because, honestly, for one, some people,   don't photograph well or they they just are more attractive in person based on the energy they're bringing. But, also, men in general   suck at taking pictures on these apps. They take all sorts of pictures with poor lighting and weird angles, and they just slap it up there in a way that a woman would never. So I have had the experience multiple times of showing up to a date and the guy being more attractive in person than he was on the app many times.  

All the time. Almost all the time.   Sometimes, actually, for me, it's a   it's a negative if the guy looks too good on the app because   that, for me, might place him in the category of here for a good time, not a long time because he's out here.   I'm trying to say this in a way that isn't like I like I love a guy who takes care of his appearance, but I do have a couple of rules in my relationship. And one of them is you can't be prettier than me. Not in my relationship.   So with that,   sometimes I'm a little thrown off. I'm like, okay. So model photos, I don't know. I'm not so sure. And I talk about this in some past episode about kind of, what women are looking for and what men are looking for on dating apps and how   each gender   tends to put out what that gender wants to see. So women are thinking, oh, I need to put the the,   what I wanna put on there on on the   dating apps for my photo is me doing,   a bunch of fun, cool things,   when really guys first thing is looking at, like, attraction.  

Am I am I super attracted to her? Because even if you're doing wonderful, great activities in your photo, if they are not very attracted to you, they're probably gonna keep swiping. Whereas women,   oftentimes, the guys will post, like, I wanna post the the nicest photo of me, like, looking really, really good   and and all of that. Where women, it's not that we're not interested in attraction and looks, but it can be a signal to us that, oh, no. He's looking too pretty. He's looking like he's he's out here really trying to just catch anybody.   And yet he's, like, I don't know, has pictures of himself alone all the time. Doesn't maybe seem like he socializes   or does anything, you know, interesting.  

So I talk about that in a a past episode about how we actually end up putting up photos   that   our our gender is interested in, but it's actually the the kind of the opposite for the other gender. So I say that to say, for me, a guy having this perfectly curated, beautiful,   like, airbrushed type photos   is not really my vibe.   And,   I have, you know, had good luck with guys whose photos didn't look the greatest. Now that being said, if you're completely   unattracted   at first glance when you look through the photos, then swipe left. Like, you don't you don't gotta try to force anything. But if you're looking like, oh,   this photo, he does look pretty attractive. This one, I'm not so sure because the angle, the lighting, whatever. Right? Then it might be worth still giving a chance. So swipe right if that's the case.  

Then you're looking at what I would say are baseline preferences.   There's the lawnmower.   Okay. Anyway, so then you're looking at,   what are baseline preferences? So, again, the ideal partner list that I always talk about is the first thing you should do when you're gonna be dating. Don't date without it. Okay? Check the show notes. I'm trying to be good about linking videos.   But   what you,   what you wanna do is look at the person's profile and see what they're putting on there and how that matches up with baseline preferences for you. So,   honestly, these are a lot of times even deal breaker things, the basic stuff you need. So if you are a mom, which means you have kids,   and this person is like, I don't want kids. I don't wanna deal with kids. Well, swipe left. And now if they don't want biological kids of their own, but they are happy to be,   with someone who has kids and possibly be in a step parenting role, then, okay, maybe it's go ahead and swipe.  

Wait. I don't know if I just said to swipe right or swipe left. But   whatever I said before, I was talking about vetting them out. If you have kids and they don't wanna have anything to do with kids, whatever. Swipe left. No. Thank you.   But,   other things. So things around kids,   it could be things around, I don't know, location. Like, if they're in a   location where that is really far away from you and you're not interested in a a long distance relationship, don't do it,   unless, I guess, you wanna try and see see and have conversations, see if they're moving or something. But that that would be something that you would expect them to   prominently display on their profile and say that they're in the process of moving. Right?  

What else? I mean, there's so many things.   Let's say that a deal breaker for you is a person's,   education level or their career for whatever your reasons are for that, right, and they don't have that   and that's a deal breaker for you,   don't try to make it make sense. Now if it's just a preference for you that they have a certain education level or certain type of career or in a certain bracket,   financially,   then go for it because if other things are lining up. Right? So what I'm getting at here is there's a lot that you can gain from a profile determine   if   someone meets your preliminary   preferences, particularly those deal breaker pieces. Right? If they're like, I live outdoors. I love the outdoors, and you're like, that's not my vibe.  

Unless you're saying, hey. I am intentionally dating wanting to, like, have new experiences,   then great. Go for it. But if you know yourself and that's not gonna be your vibe, don't swipe on this person, get to know them, maybe hit it off, and then expect them to be making changes around something they have made it clear is important to them.   Right? They are a huge animal lover. I don't know. They have three dogs, and the dogs sleep in the bed with them, and you're just not about that.   Don't try to make that person change their preferences on on their pets and their dogs. Right? So I'm just talking about these preliminary things that help you decide, okay, which direction to swipe.   If you   end up swiping,   you know, like, showing that you're interested in them, right, swipe right,   then   you can   then start   using what I say about, you know, your first date have lower lower your first date standards. So then you're asking yourself four questions. Are they attractive enough?  

Do I feel safe in conversation with them? They're not being creepy and weird.   You know, are they, you know, are they not offending you? They're not saying anything that's offensive to me, and they're not saying things that are turning me off in any significant way. Those are your four things to decide if you go on a first date with them because you start figuring out all the rest on the dates. And this is what I mean by not dating on the app,   or not dating in the DMs. You're just there to meet these people so that you can arrange in person dates and start to get to know them with the in person interactions,   the phone calls, and stuff like that over time. So it's very important that   upon you determining that they meet some basic preliminary deal breakers for you, then from there, you don't want to be sitting in the app trying to make all these determinations about them as a person or any of that. You wanna get in person with them, experience the chemistry between you guys, see how they interact with other people,   you know, see how they date,   all of that stuff. You do that off the app. You meet on the app, you date off the app. You meet on the app, it's a directory,   you date off the app. Very, very, very important.  

Alright. I hope that's helpful in terms of thing to consider when swiping left or right. Keeping in mind, is a person meeting my preliminary   deal breakers, my baseline preferences   based on my ideal partner list? And if so, then I swipe right and show interest. But if not, swipe left.