In this episode of the Bitter to Better podcast, we dive into the idea of chasing that great date feeling. Inspired by conversations with clients, we explore how experiencing a truly enjoyable date can elevate your expectations and standards in the dating world. We discuss the importance of reflecting on what made a date great and how to replicate those experiences by honing your vetting skills. This episode emphasizes the value of being intentional about your dating choices and managing your time and energy wisely, especially as a dating mom.
We also touch on the significance of first dates as opportunities to gather information and assess chemistry, while encouraging listeners to be open to unexpected positive experiences. By sharing personal anecdotes and client stories, we highlight the transformative power of great dates in shaping your dating preferences and expectations. Whether you're seeking a committed partner or enjoying the dating scene, this episode offers motivational insights on how to pursue the dating experiences that truly resonate with you.
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Unknown:
Hey, ladies. Welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast. Today, we are talking about chasing that great date feeling. So this is more of a motivational inspirational type of episode, and it's inspired by conversations that I've had with clients over time about, one of my favorite things that happens in on people's dating journeys, which is them getting a taste of how they really want to be dated. So them having an experience with a guy or going on a date that they really enjoyed, and then it can, like, immediately uplevel their expectations of dating partners and dates.
And I love when this happens because I talk about it and talk about it and talk about it, and then someone experiences it, and they're like, oh, yeah. I don't wanna go backwards. I don't want to be settling for or putting myself in positions to, have less than this standard of a date. And I wanna be clear. I'm the same woman who says lower your first date standards and go back to past episode to hear more about that because I'm very clear and specific about four things that you want to be, checking on in terms of deciding to go on a first date with someone. And I'm very clear about saying that this is not about lowering your relationship or or dating partner or committed partner standards.
No. No. But the first date, because the first date is an entry into a potentially great thing. But what I am saying here though is once you do experience a great date, then you want more of that. So then you want to do the work, you know, the reflection on why was that such a great experience for me and what can I do to make it more likely to have those experiences? What is within my control? Again, I talk about this all the time. We cannot control other people and how they behave. We can control how we behave. We can control what we show up for and what we do not show up for, who and what we give our time and energy to. Right? Okay. So this is just to kind of talk about how I really, really encourage women to really build off of the momentum and the excitement and the experience of a great date.
So, for example, I'll, talk with women about, the fact that they go on a date and they're like, oh, wow. I really like I really had a good time with this guy. Alright. Let's talk about why. Let's talk about what's great about it. You know? Maybe you were really attracted to him. Maybe you had a good conversation. Maybe it was a nice restaurant. Maybe it was, an experience that you hadn't had before. Maybe you really appreciated the way he treated you on the date. Maybe he was opening doors or it really is about what you like and what you want. But once you've experienced that, then we talk about how when you are choosing dating partners, and in particular, when you're choosing to continue giving your time to a dating partner who you've already met, right, you are ideally really honing your vetting skills so that you are vetting out quickly the guys who are not meeting this type of standard.
So before having a great date, you might have been a little more open to and willing to, like, invest your time and energy maybe more than you should on someone or some guys who were not really bringing a standard that you would have preferred. But then once you have that, it's like your time and energy, first of all, are always too valuable, especially as a dating mom. But your time and energy is always already too valuable. I just believe that from the beginning. But it becomes particularly, valuable when you're like, oh, I've had an experience that I've really enjoyed, and I want more of this. And if I'm going to be going out with someone, I want that time and energy to be spent in this way. So what I'm saying here is maybe you go on that first date. Again, you lower lower those first date standards so that you get on the date, but you're supposed to be gathering information from every date and every interaction with this person. So you go on the first date, and it's like, I'm not suggesting you go on a second date. Like, obviously, you want to be looking at the specifics of what you need and want in dating someone to do to make that determination.
But what I'm getting at here is go on the first date because you don't know. It it can be better than you expected. But then upon going on that first date, you are making judgments from there. So let's say you go on the first date and you're like, oh, I actually had a pretty good time. Let me go ahead and go on a second date with this person. Maybe the second date is better than the first date. Right? And so now you're getting more and more of a of a standard of I like that. This happens or he does this or he doesn't do this. And I'm just saying that as you were then going on, let's say, as you were then going on dates with other guys and you have the opportunity of choosing whether you go on a second or third date, you choose wisely. And you start to hone in more and more on, this is the level that I need. This is what I want.
And maybe you start fine tuning, you know, some of the some of the things you, look at when deciding to continue dating a guy. So, I've had situations where, the the woman started, realizing, like, she was like, oh, I don't usually, date guys that are, you know, this much older than me, but I went on this date with this guy that that was older than me this much you know, these many years older than me. And, and I really saw that he really knew how to lead the date, and he, you know, asked asked me what I was interested in, but then picked a place, knew of good places to go. So it was very nice to be wined and dined and to not have to put in all the effort to make it happen and not have to pick everything, because this is just how this person, this one woman liked to be dated. And also the type of guy that she was interested in was a leader type, kinda CEO energy, stuff like that.
And so that worked for her. And then when she had that experience, we look back at some past, dates and realize how much they did not match what she was going for. And anytime I'm talking about a lot of these things, it's not with any judgment. I think a lot of people, a lot of guys can get defensive about, oh, well, you know, what's wrong with if, you know, I like to there was this one guy who just always wanted to go on walks, like, always. I don't know. Maybe maybe you maybe someone's really outdoorsy and they love that and they're like, that's their idea of a good time and they wanna keep doing that, then no judgment. But if this woman, that's not her vibe to to aspire to have a bunch of walks for dates, that is fine. No judgment on anyone, but the reality is then she shouldn't be continuing to spend her time with someone who that's really what they wanna do.
So all I'm saying is, again, back to vetting. You vet people in, you vet people out, and that is, like, one of the biggest things that is going to be a factor in the success of your dating journey because you're not gonna be able to control if this guy really likes to take walks all the time. But you can control whether you keep going on those walks with him. See what I'm saying? Alright. So, again, the first date on before the first date, you you might get that understanding. Like, if he tells you, I just only wanna take I only wanna go on dates where it's a bunch of walking, well, then you could vet him out immediately if you're not up for that. But the reality is you would have to maybe go on the first date, and the first date might be like a walk in the park. I'm down for that. Again, first dates are easy as far as I'm concerned. First dates are easy, coffee, a drink, a walk, whatever. I wanna see if there's chemistry between us. I wanna see if we're both physically attracted to each other in person. I wanna see how you interact outside in the world. There's a bunch of things, right, that that you get to see by being in person with someone. And so that first date is a lot of of the basics when it comes to that. Can we generally hold a conversation? I can even give somebody some leeway on maybe being a little nervous on the first date so that if I'm like, oh, well, maybe it was a little more quiet than I would like, but this, this, and this were good. So, yeah, let's do a second date.
So first date's easy. You're gonna have a whole lot of those. Like I say, a lot of a lot of them don't go to second dates, and even less go to third dates. Right? This is what we're getting at. Right? But when you have experienced a date that you that feels really good to you, you're like, oh, okay. I can remember back during when I was dating, there are a few dates that just immediately pop up as I remember those experiences being like, oh, I want more of that. There was a guy who was, like, creative, and we did a a, like, kind of like a picnic, but, like, with board games and stuff because we both liked that. There was the time that I went speed dating. So talked to a bunch of different guys, but one guy was like, hey. Can I take you out, you know, further? This is in the city in New York City. So we're like, yeah. Let's figure out something to do in New York City. And we went to, I think it was the Edge Observatory. I was like, I like going to the top of tall buildings, and we looked it up really quick and immediately got tickets and did that. Never saw this person again.
Never saw this person again. Wasn't interested beyond really, the first date or that experience, but it was a lot of fun. Do it for the plot. It was a it's a great story to tell and a great memory to have, but also it definitely up leveled my my date preferences. Not that every date I needed to be at the top of a tall building, but between that and the guy who was thoughtful enough to do the board games, or, someone, arranging a date at a really nice restaurant or knowing what places to pick, stuff like that. I was like, yes. I I would like, yeah, a guy who knows some places to go, a guy who's, up for being a little spontaneous and doing something fun, a guy who's up for, doing something that's a a little more, luxurious, but also a guy who's interested in being creative.
Just by having these experiences, even on a subconscious level, it kind of fed into what I became more energetically and mentally available for in my dates. So that if after the first date, which could have been coffee, a walk in the park, I did the, like, brunch or breakfast at a diner, a a quick drink, if after that first date, right, this person isn't you know, I'm I'm noticing that they're not, particularly polite or they, you know, he doesn't have the idea of, like, just holding the door open for me when we walk into the restaurant. Again, things that I like, things that I enjoy. You don't necessarily have to come open my car door, but if we're walking to the restaurant together, I would appreciate you opening the door for me. Stuff like that. Right? If these things aren't happening, I am quickly vetting him out because I've had experiences that I want with guys. And so with that, then I'm leaning more into those and and saying and and knowing how to more efficiently say no or yes to two different experiences.
So I love when this moment happens for my clients because then I just I I make I make a big deal a big deal out of it. I'm like, oh, so how was that? Oh, that was really nice. And it's a breath of fresh air, right, to have a great date because so many of them might be in. Right? And I think many of them are okay. I would say most of them are okay. But having a great one is like, oh, yeah. I like that feeling. Okay. What does that mean for me? Am I being more intentional about where I look for the guys? Am I going on this dating app instead of this one? Am I in in intentionally showing up in person at certain places, as opposed to, you know, this place?
These things really matter, and this is what I say about intentional dating. Right? When you are serious about dating, which I would say most women who are moms and want a committed partner, then the stakes are high. You don't have the luxury of being willy nilly about dating or you're gonna get willy nilly results. Then you are when you're being intentional about dating, it's kinda like a part time job, and you're being really thoughtful and deliberate about what you want, what you need. Because what you want and what you need, right, doesn't just mean you. If we're talking about a long term partner, it's meaning your kids and things like that. Right? And you are then tailoring your your behavior to interact with the types of people who you want to and need to interact with to be more likely to bring that in. And I say types of people because I'm not just talking about, men. I'm talking about the maybe the social circles you run-in, friendships, professional things, things like that that are helping to tailor a life for you that you envision for yourself. Alright?
So I say chase that great date feeling with gusto. When you have a good experience on a date, identify why it was so good for you and aim to have more of it. And be more mindful about managing your time and energy for the things that aren't aren't that. Now I wanna be clear here because as you know, again, past episodes and something I talk about all the time, there are different relationship categories. One of those categories is friends with benefits. That's who I would say is the guy who's here for a good time, not a long time. Also have a podcast episode about that. I gotta get better at these show notes and start linking these for you guys to go back. But what I'm saying here is now if you're just looking for a friends with benefits, so a guy to spend your time with, maybe be physical with and all of that, and the dates aren't dating, but you're having a good time, have a good time. I'm talking here that when we are talking about looking for that committed partner, and so you are looking for indications that this person or you're looking for this person to check off certain things on your ideal partner list and how you want to be treated and cared for intended to, right, in a relationship.
And definitely looking at how you're being cared for and treated, in the early days is important because in the later days, people will be getting on each other's nerves. And so, like, you need to know that the bar is at least at a certain point for the times when that person don't wanna deal with you like that and you don't wanna deal with them like that. Let's be real. And, also, you want to have, you know, be able to have some, what kind of, I don't know if I would say ver verifiable proof, but, like, some of these social agreements, which I talk about sometimes, right, that we make with people that oftentimes are not even explicit. But some of them, like, you wanna be able to actually talk about them, which is to say, hey. The the energy you're giving me now, this vibe that you're giving me with the with the dating process that I'm enjoying, I wanna let you know that, like, this is what I this is what I'm looking, you know, to continue. So if you have an issue with that, let's talk about it. But what I'm saying is if they're giving that, you have something to hold on to and talk about and be like, I like this. I like this this, where we're at rather than someone not giving you what you're looking for in the dating process and you having to, like, convince them or talk them into it and do all of that. Again, you got kids. You don't have time for all that.
Personal opinion. You don't have time for all of that. They'll be training them up on how to treat you. Right? And so when you find the guys and go on the dates that you enjoyed for whatever reasons you enjoyed them for, there's not one specific standard here, to be clear. It's your standard. Right? But when you have enjoyed it, you need to chase that feeling with gusto. You need to be like, where do I find guys like that? Make sure I say yes to the guys who are offering that. I'm saying no to the guys who are not offering that. I can get feedback if somebody asks. If a guy asks, oh, what wasn't great? Like, oh, well, I prefer this sort of thing or this is more my vibe, etcetera, etcetera. Go ahead. Help them out. And maybe some of them rise to the occasion just because they just needed some information. Fine. Great. Love love someone who could take construction, right, and and then take action on it. So wonderful if if that's what's happening. But I'm talking about when you feel like you have to, pull it out of someone or initiate it or convince them why they should date a certain way. No. No. Then they're just not for you. No judgment. Just not for you. I remember having to text a guy who I met him. He was working at, I think, a coffee shop. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. Great. Wonderful. He's like, oh, how about we go on a date? I think it might have been that night, maybe. And I was like, okay. Cool. But then and we said around a general time. He said that, you know, he, I think, had his, like, son, and he needs to wait for his son's mom to pick him up or something like that. I was like, okay. Cool. Fine.
I was waiting and waiting and waiting, and he, like, pushed back and all that. And finally, I was like, I'm sorry. I this is just not the way I date. I do need a little more structure. Again, my mom, time, all of that. And I didn't say all of that to him, but this is what's going in my in my mind. My time and energy is very valuable. It's limited. I don't have time for this. I could've been out on a date with somebody else, or I could've been reading a book. I could've been washing my hair. I could've been sleeping. I could've been watching paint dry, whatever I felt like doing with my time. I happened to have, no kids that day.
Or maybe I had childcare. Maybe my mom was gonna watch them. Whichever was gonna happen. My kids were cared for and handled, and here you are over here. It just wasn't working for me. And I simply said, you know, thank you, you know, for the offer, but, you know, this doesn't work for me. He said, okay. That's it. Know how to vet out. Know how to vet out. Know how to vet in. So this was just my little tidbit to you, hopefully motivational, to chase that great date feeling. When you have it, when you have an experience of it, hone in on how you get more of that. And if you haven't had that great date experience yet, then hone in on what would be a great date experience for you. So just like I have you make your ideal partner list, make your ideal date list. Like, These are the sort of things that would be happening. This is how I would be treated. This is what behavior I'd be getting from that person. Here's how I'd be engaging and behaving. Paint that picture. Write it down. Right? And hone in on who is giving the energy that they want to do those things.
Alright? This has been my little bit on chasing that great date feeling. Make sure you go out there and you chase it with gusto.
Hey, ladies. Welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast. Today, we are talking about chasing that great date feeling. So this is more of a motivational inspirational type of episode, and it's inspired by conversations that I've had with clients over time about, one of my favorite things that happens in on people's dating journeys, which is them getting a taste of how they really want to be dated. So them having an experience with a guy or going on a date that they really enjoyed, and then it can, like, immediately uplevel their expectations of dating partners and dates.
And I love when this happens because I talk about it and talk about it and talk about it, and then someone experiences it, and they're like, oh, yeah. I don't wanna go backwards. I don't want to be settling for or putting myself in positions to, have less than this standard of a date. And I wanna be clear. I'm the same woman who says lower your first date standards and go back to past episode to hear more about that because I'm very clear and specific about four things that you want to be, checking on in terms of deciding to go on a first date with someone. And I'm very clear about saying that this is not about lowering your relationship or or dating partner or committed partner standards.
No. No. But the first date, because the first date is an entry into a potentially great thing. But what I am saying here though is once you do experience a great date, then you want more of that. So then you want to do the work, you know, the reflection on why was that such a great experience for me and what can I do to make it more likely to have those experiences? What is within my control? Again, I talk about this all the time. We cannot control other people and how they behave. We can control how we behave. We can control what we show up for and what we do not show up for, who and what we give our time and energy to. Right? Okay. So this is just to kind of talk about how I really, really encourage women to really build off of the momentum and the excitement and the experience of a great date.
So, for example, I'll, talk with women about, the fact that they go on a date and they're like, oh, wow. I really like I really had a good time with this guy. Alright. Let's talk about why. Let's talk about what's great about it. You know? Maybe you were really attracted to him. Maybe you had a good conversation. Maybe it was a nice restaurant. Maybe it was, an experience that you hadn't had before. Maybe you really appreciated the way he treated you on the date. Maybe he was opening doors or it really is about what you like and what you want. But once you've experienced that, then we talk about how when you are choosing dating partners, and in particular, when you're choosing to continue giving your time to a dating partner who you've already met, right, you are ideally really honing your vetting skills so that you are vetting out quickly the guys who are not meeting this type of standard.
So before having a great date, you might have been a little more open to and willing to, like, invest your time and energy maybe more than you should on someone or some guys who were not really bringing a standard that you would have preferred. But then once you have that, it's like your time and energy, first of all, are always too valuable, especially as a dating mom. But your time and energy is always already too valuable. I just believe that from the beginning. But it becomes particularly, valuable when you're like, oh, I've had an experience that I've really enjoyed, and I want more of this. And if I'm going to be going out with someone, I want that time and energy to be spent in this way. So what I'm saying here is maybe you go on that first date. Again, you lower lower those first date standards so that you get on the date, but you're supposed to be gathering information from every date and every interaction with this person. So you go on the first date, and it's like, I'm not suggesting you go on a second date. Like, obviously, you want to be looking at the specifics of what you need and want in dating someone to do to make that determination.
But what I'm getting at here is go on the first date because you don't know. It it can be better than you expected. But then upon going on that first date, you are making judgments from there. So let's say you go on the first date and you're like, oh, I actually had a pretty good time. Let me go ahead and go on a second date with this person. Maybe the second date is better than the first date. Right? And so now you're getting more and more of a of a standard of I like that. This happens or he does this or he doesn't do this. And I'm just saying that as you were then going on, let's say, as you were then going on dates with other guys and you have the opportunity of choosing whether you go on a second or third date, you choose wisely. And you start to hone in more and more on, this is the level that I need. This is what I want.
And maybe you start fine tuning, you know, some of the some of the things you, look at when deciding to continue dating a guy. So, I've had situations where, the the woman started, realizing, like, she was like, oh, I don't usually, date guys that are, you know, this much older than me, but I went on this date with this guy that that was older than me this much you know, these many years older than me. And, and I really saw that he really knew how to lead the date, and he, you know, asked asked me what I was interested in, but then picked a place, knew of good places to go. So it was very nice to be wined and dined and to not have to put in all the effort to make it happen and not have to pick everything, because this is just how this person, this one woman liked to be dated. And also the type of guy that she was interested in was a leader type, kinda CEO energy, stuff like that.
And so that worked for her. And then when she had that experience, we look back at some past, dates and realize how much they did not match what she was going for. And anytime I'm talking about a lot of these things, it's not with any judgment. I think a lot of people, a lot of guys can get defensive about, oh, well, you know, what's wrong with if, you know, I like to there was this one guy who just always wanted to go on walks, like, always. I don't know. Maybe maybe you maybe someone's really outdoorsy and they love that and they're like, that's their idea of a good time and they wanna keep doing that, then no judgment. But if this woman, that's not her vibe to to aspire to have a bunch of walks for dates, that is fine. No judgment on anyone, but the reality is then she shouldn't be continuing to spend her time with someone who that's really what they wanna do.
So all I'm saying is, again, back to vetting. You vet people in, you vet people out, and that is, like, one of the biggest things that is going to be a factor in the success of your dating journey because you're not gonna be able to control if this guy really likes to take walks all the time. But you can control whether you keep going on those walks with him. See what I'm saying? Alright. So, again, the first date on before the first date, you you might get that understanding. Like, if he tells you, I just only wanna take I only wanna go on dates where it's a bunch of walking, well, then you could vet him out immediately if you're not up for that. But the reality is you would have to maybe go on the first date, and the first date might be like a walk in the park. I'm down for that. Again, first dates are easy as far as I'm concerned. First dates are easy, coffee, a drink, a walk, whatever. I wanna see if there's chemistry between us. I wanna see if we're both physically attracted to each other in person. I wanna see how you interact outside in the world. There's a bunch of things, right, that that you get to see by being in person with someone. And so that first date is a lot of of the basics when it comes to that. Can we generally hold a conversation? I can even give somebody some leeway on maybe being a little nervous on the first date so that if I'm like, oh, well, maybe it was a little more quiet than I would like, but this, this, and this were good. So, yeah, let's do a second date.
So first date's easy. You're gonna have a whole lot of those. Like I say, a lot of a lot of them don't go to second dates, and even less go to third dates. Right? This is what we're getting at. Right? But when you have experienced a date that you that feels really good to you, you're like, oh, okay. I can remember back during when I was dating, there are a few dates that just immediately pop up as I remember those experiences being like, oh, I want more of that. There was a guy who was, like, creative, and we did a a, like, kind of like a picnic, but, like, with board games and stuff because we both liked that. There was the time that I went speed dating. So talked to a bunch of different guys, but one guy was like, hey. Can I take you out, you know, further? This is in the city in New York City. So we're like, yeah. Let's figure out something to do in New York City. And we went to, I think it was the Edge Observatory. I was like, I like going to the top of tall buildings, and we looked it up really quick and immediately got tickets and did that. Never saw this person again.
Never saw this person again. Wasn't interested beyond really, the first date or that experience, but it was a lot of fun. Do it for the plot. It was a it's a great story to tell and a great memory to have, but also it definitely up leveled my my date preferences. Not that every date I needed to be at the top of a tall building, but between that and the guy who was thoughtful enough to do the board games, or, someone, arranging a date at a really nice restaurant or knowing what places to pick, stuff like that. I was like, yes. I I would like, yeah, a guy who knows some places to go, a guy who's, up for being a little spontaneous and doing something fun, a guy who's up for, doing something that's a a little more, luxurious, but also a guy who's interested in being creative.
Just by having these experiences, even on a subconscious level, it kind of fed into what I became more energetically and mentally available for in my dates. So that if after the first date, which could have been coffee, a walk in the park, I did the, like, brunch or breakfast at a diner, a a quick drink, if after that first date, right, this person isn't you know, I'm I'm noticing that they're not, particularly polite or they, you know, he doesn't have the idea of, like, just holding the door open for me when we walk into the restaurant. Again, things that I like, things that I enjoy. You don't necessarily have to come open my car door, but if we're walking to the restaurant together, I would appreciate you opening the door for me. Stuff like that. Right? If these things aren't happening, I am quickly vetting him out because I've had experiences that I want with guys. And so with that, then I'm leaning more into those and and saying and and knowing how to more efficiently say no or yes to two different experiences.
So I love when this moment happens for my clients because then I just I I make I make a big deal a big deal out of it. I'm like, oh, so how was that? Oh, that was really nice. And it's a breath of fresh air, right, to have a great date because so many of them might be in. Right? And I think many of them are okay. I would say most of them are okay. But having a great one is like, oh, yeah. I like that feeling. Okay. What does that mean for me? Am I being more intentional about where I look for the guys? Am I going on this dating app instead of this one? Am I in in intentionally showing up in person at certain places, as opposed to, you know, this place?
These things really matter, and this is what I say about intentional dating. Right? When you are serious about dating, which I would say most women who are moms and want a committed partner, then the stakes are high. You don't have the luxury of being willy nilly about dating or you're gonna get willy nilly results. Then you are when you're being intentional about dating, it's kinda like a part time job, and you're being really thoughtful and deliberate about what you want, what you need. Because what you want and what you need, right, doesn't just mean you. If we're talking about a long term partner, it's meaning your kids and things like that. Right? And you are then tailoring your your behavior to interact with the types of people who you want to and need to interact with to be more likely to bring that in. And I say types of people because I'm not just talking about, men. I'm talking about the maybe the social circles you run-in, friendships, professional things, things like that that are helping to tailor a life for you that you envision for yourself. Alright?
So I say chase that great date feeling with gusto. When you have a good experience on a date, identify why it was so good for you and aim to have more of it. And be more mindful about managing your time and energy for the things that aren't aren't that. Now I wanna be clear here because as you know, again, past episodes and something I talk about all the time, there are different relationship categories. One of those categories is friends with benefits. That's who I would say is the guy who's here for a good time, not a long time. Also have a podcast episode about that. I gotta get better at these show notes and start linking these for you guys to go back. But what I'm saying here is now if you're just looking for a friends with benefits, so a guy to spend your time with, maybe be physical with and all of that, and the dates aren't dating, but you're having a good time, have a good time. I'm talking here that when we are talking about looking for that committed partner, and so you are looking for indications that this person or you're looking for this person to check off certain things on your ideal partner list and how you want to be treated and cared for intended to, right, in a relationship.
And definitely looking at how you're being cared for and treated, in the early days is important because in the later days, people will be getting on each other's nerves. And so, like, you need to know that the bar is at least at a certain point for the times when that person don't wanna deal with you like that and you don't wanna deal with them like that. Let's be real. And, also, you want to have, you know, be able to have some, what kind of, I don't know if I would say ver verifiable proof, but, like, some of these social agreements, which I talk about sometimes, right, that we make with people that oftentimes are not even explicit. But some of them, like, you wanna be able to actually talk about them, which is to say, hey. The the energy you're giving me now, this vibe that you're giving me with the with the dating process that I'm enjoying, I wanna let you know that, like, this is what I this is what I'm looking, you know, to continue. So if you have an issue with that, let's talk about it. But what I'm saying is if they're giving that, you have something to hold on to and talk about and be like, I like this. I like this this, where we're at rather than someone not giving you what you're looking for in the dating process and you having to, like, convince them or talk them into it and do all of that. Again, you got kids. You don't have time for all that.
Personal opinion. You don't have time for all of that. They'll be training them up on how to treat you. Right? And so when you find the guys and go on the dates that you enjoyed for whatever reasons you enjoyed them for, there's not one specific standard here, to be clear. It's your standard. Right? But when you have enjoyed it, you need to chase that feeling with gusto. You need to be like, where do I find guys like that? Make sure I say yes to the guys who are offering that. I'm saying no to the guys who are not offering that. I can get feedback if somebody asks. If a guy asks, oh, what wasn't great? Like, oh, well, I prefer this sort of thing or this is more my vibe, etcetera, etcetera. Go ahead. Help them out. And maybe some of them rise to the occasion just because they just needed some information. Fine. Great. Love love someone who could take construction, right, and and then take action on it. So wonderful if if that's what's happening. But I'm talking about when you feel like you have to, pull it out of someone or initiate it or convince them why they should date a certain way. No. No. Then they're just not for you. No judgment. Just not for you. I remember having to text a guy who I met him. He was working at, I think, a coffee shop. He asked for my number. I gave it to him. Great. Wonderful. He's like, oh, how about we go on a date? I think it might have been that night, maybe. And I was like, okay. Cool. But then and we said around a general time. He said that, you know, he, I think, had his, like, son, and he needs to wait for his son's mom to pick him up or something like that. I was like, okay. Cool. Fine.
I was waiting and waiting and waiting, and he, like, pushed back and all that. And finally, I was like, I'm sorry. I this is just not the way I date. I do need a little more structure. Again, my mom, time, all of that. And I didn't say all of that to him, but this is what's going in my in my mind. My time and energy is very valuable. It's limited. I don't have time for this. I could've been out on a date with somebody else, or I could've been reading a book. I could've been washing my hair. I could've been sleeping. I could've been watching paint dry, whatever I felt like doing with my time. I happened to have, no kids that day.
Or maybe I had childcare. Maybe my mom was gonna watch them. Whichever was gonna happen. My kids were cared for and handled, and here you are over here. It just wasn't working for me. And I simply said, you know, thank you, you know, for the offer, but, you know, this doesn't work for me. He said, okay. That's it. Know how to vet out. Know how to vet out. Know how to vet in. So this was just my little tidbit to you, hopefully motivational, to chase that great date feeling. When you have it, when you have an experience of it, hone in on how you get more of that. And if you haven't had that great date experience yet, then hone in on what would be a great date experience for you. So just like I have you make your ideal partner list, make your ideal date list. Like, These are the sort of things that would be happening. This is how I would be treated. This is what behavior I'd be getting from that person. Here's how I'd be engaging and behaving. Paint that picture. Write it down. Right? And hone in on who is giving the energy that they want to do those things.
Alright? This has been my little bit on chasing that great date feeling. Make sure you go out there and you chase it with gusto.
Introduction to Chasing the Great Date Feeling
Setting Standards for First Dates
Reflecting on Great Date Experiences
Vetting Potential Partners
Memorable Date Stories
Intentional Dating for Moms
Chasing the Great Date Feeling with Gusto
