The Bitter to Better Podcast

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Ep. 13: Solo Getaways... https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/zKf11ojVqCb

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[00:00:00] Unknown:

Hey. Just a little message before we get started. I offer one on one coaching to women for breakup recovery and dating. So if you're interested, just send me an email at [email protected].   That's [email protected].   And let me know if you're interested, and I can give you information. We can hop on a very brief call   to see what your needs are either around dating   and or breakup recovery, and I'm really excited to help you on your journey.   Hey. I'm Tracy Pinnock, and welcome to the Bitter to Better podcast   where I talk all things love and life that help women live better after breakups.  

I'm glad you're here, and let's get into it.  

[00:00:58] Unknown:

Hello. Hello.   Excuse my morning voice. I'm recording this, the morning after returning from Portsmouth, Rhode Island and Newport, Rhode Island   with my mom and my boys because we took a trip together.   And that is   the subject matter of this episode today,   which is   we call it a trip. When when   the kids   go, we call it a trip, not a vacation.   And I will explain why and talk about, you know, how important   it is and how wonderful   it is to create these memories with your children, but also to recognize,   the difference between a trip and a vacation   and why also having your adults only   trip is key so that you can actually have a vacation and get that rest and relaxation   that we are oftentimes   aiming for when we say we're going on vacation.  

But yeah. So   me, my two boys, and my mom   stayed three nights in Portsmouth, Rhode Island, and we spent a day in Newport.   We   have tried to make this kind of an annual thing to   have me, my mom, and my boys   go somewhere,   fairly local, meaning we can drive to it,   just for a little summer vacay. In the past, Cape Cod has been a location.   It's one of my favorite places to visit.   And so we had a great time,   and we also had,   you know,   the times that one has when they have children with them.   So for me,   some of the,   key aspects of this were,   the fact that let's see. When we got there, when we arrived on Friday,   we needed to go grocery shopping. I packed a bunch of food, what I could, but there were also some things that we needed to pick up once we got there. So we were I was   hangry grocery shopping, which is the worst type of grocery shopping you can do. It's already bad enough   to be hungry   or a little peckish when grocery shopping because you come out of the store with all sorts of wild things,   but I was also hangry. Like, I was so hungry   and had, you know, my children with me   and was doing this. And funny enough,   I usually, when I go to the grocery store with my toddler, my four year old, I put him in the cart so that he's more contained. I didn't even think to do that in this case, and I think it was because of my mind, we were running in really quickly to get a few things running out. So I had him actually walking with me the whole time, which overall, he did great.  

Did he crawl and roll on the floor a couple of times? Yes.   And, you know, that that oftentimes comes with the territory.   But for the most part, he really kept his kept it together throughout the   grocery store journey.   It wasn't bad   until   we got to the ice cream aisle at the end of our trip. And, honestly, this was a lapse in my mom judgment because we had initially gone through the aisle, and he hadn't really noticed what was there,   and that was great. But then we needed to circle back around. My mom was insistent on getting ice cream, which was a big hit with all of us. But that last time we walked through the aisle, I totally should have just taken them to a different aisle, let my mom and my oldest son pick out the ice cream, and then meet them at the register, but I did not. So   my youngest son   saw the ice cream and started losing his shit,   because he wanted   he's used to having the ice cream that comes in the tubs.  

We were looking at ice cream sandwiches, and I was explaining to him, this is ice cream. We'll have this, and he was losing it. You know, the whole tantrum falling to the floor,   making a ruckus, all that good stuff. Stuff.   And so   I got the car key from my mom and left my mom and my oldest son at the register and took my youngest son to the car   to do that whole situation. So that was a good time. Later on, my mom told me that the the cashier was saying how, oh, she's such a good mom.   She she took him, you know, to the car. A lot of parents were just staying here, and it's just it's hard for everyone involved, the kid, them, everyone else. And I don't know. I'm, like, fifty fifty on that one because I'm like, yep. It's inconvenient. Nobody likes it. Nobody likes the yelling, screaming child, but also, like,   it I mean,   to to have to to feel like I have to take my child out of the situation,   because they're being a child. Welcome, humans. We've all been here. You used to do you used to do it too.  

To feel to feel pressure to do that, I also don't don't think is fair. We're not in an adults only space. We're not at the spa.   So we're just gonna all have to deal with it. Children are in grocery stores, and they don't,   necessarily run on our schedule and our agenda. So there's also that I'm not shaming   parents for having kids being kids.   I appreciate the people who can,   just, like, most of the people just ignored it because, you know, they've some, you know, had some experience with with children in some way, it seems. And it's kinda like, yeah, people were just gonna all, like, the faster we get these groceries rang up, the faster I'm gonna get myself out of here because I guarantee you, this day is not a good time for me either. But, nonetheless,   it all worked out. And so we got back to the Airbnb   that we were staying at,   in Portsmouth.  

And   at some point during that evening, I found myself hiding   from my children to eat an Oreo ice cream,   an Oreo ice cream sandwich.   I literally like, there was this little, like, enclosed back porch   area   of the house, and I was just kinda   out there peeking around the door. At one point, my mom saw me, and I was like, yeah. Shh.   Don't let them know.   So things like that, shenanigans like that were happening because, you know, I was on a trip with my children. So, you know, I can't, like, actually fully eat in peace. Or   if I'm having a snack or dessert that I do not want them to have at that moment, I might have to hide it. Good times. Good times. Then, we made some dinner.  

I was scarfing down my dinner as my toddler was hanging hanging off me hanging off of me at different points.   You know, just generally parenting. Stop that. Don't do that here. Do this instead. Sit down here. All that good   stuff. My youngest in particular really likes to keep his shoes on. He he likes that feeling or whatever it is, so he was flipping out when I tried to take his shoes off. So then I put them back on because   choose your battles, my friends. Choose your battles.   So,   oh, and then also when I changed him into his pajamas,   he was very upset about part   of part of his pajama pants missing because I I   I make the,   winter pajamas into summer pajamas by cutting off the arms and legs, pro tip.  

And so I had done that with this pair of pajamas, and I guess he was shocked and appalled when he realized that   part of his pajamas was gone, and he had not approved to that decision. So he had a little moment over that, but then we got over it.   And then that night, lo and behold,   was there a whole other bed and a sofa bed in the house? Yes. But did both of my children sleep in the bed with me? Absolutely. Because why would they not? So,   my mom slept   in one bed,   and me my children slept in the other because   when you bring the kids, it's a trip. Okay?  



[00:08:52] Unknown:

Do you like what you're hearing? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Want to help the pod?   If so, please know it's greatly appreciated, and I welcome you to support the Bitter to Better podcast however you can.   Might I suggest a few options?   First, please rate and review the show on Spotify, Apple podcast, or whatever platform you choose.   Next, how about sending this podcast to one friend who you know could use it? This way, she can't say you've never given her anything.   If you're really riding with me, talk about the show on social media and tag me. I'm at tracy panach on Instagram.   And lastly,   if you ever use any products or services I mentioned in the pod, can you tell them Tracy Pinnock from the Bitter to Better podcast sent you?  

Please and thank you.  

[00:09:44] Unknown:

All of these sort of things   get in the way.   But nonetheless, we had a great time at the beach.   There was a good old usual,   you know, so Dorian got a little upset towards the after we got out of the water and stuff because, you know, the sand is on you. It feels icky. I don't think anyone really likes that, but he has put some particular sensory sensitivities. And so I think it really   distracts him and gets to him when there's, like, sand on his feet and things like that. So I had to do my best to try to get off you know, get as much sand off as possible. But, of course, there's salt and sand, and we're getting specks of sand in our food. And it's a beach adventure. You know? Just just go with it. Know what you're getting into. So we did that. Had a good time. Got home. The next day, Sunday, we went to Newport,   Rhode Island, and it was beautiful as to be expected. That was my first time,   in Newport.  

And we went to a restaurant,   and we were late for our reservation. The only table they had was a high top table, so, like, you know, pretty much barstools   type chairs.   So putting a four year old in a high top chair is a good time. So there was a lot there was lots of sit down, sit down. Be careful. You're gonna fall. No. Get back up. At one point, they had a a live, like, band   playing, and so my youngest was very intent on getting to that area. So we walked over there for a bit. He stood there and listened. And then once he did that, he was over that, so that was nice.   He got to get his fill. And then it just continued to be, you know, don't eat that. Don't get down from there. Get back up. All of that. So, again because when we bring the kids,   it's a trip.  

And we ate. It was,   a good meal,   and then we returned   home.   And there had been a point so the Airbnb, they gave us a $25 gift card to a restaurant nearby, kind of upscale restaurant,   and this was another adjustment, you know, with having kids with us.   I had initially booked a reservation for the restaurant,   sitting my children down here and having this meal   as stress free as possible, not disturbing not disturbing other diners, etcetera, etcetera, because, again, it wasn't a casual place. I was like, no. How about we just,   here's another pro tip. Just order and pick up. So that's what we did. It was cool to be able to use the gift card to get some food. So we put in an order, and we we went and picked it up and returned to the   the house,   where my mom and I had a, seafood pasta, and the kids had,   pasta with butter,   and we were all able to enjoy our meals.  

So these are just the type of things that come up when you bring the kids on a trip where you can have a great time and create wonderful memories, but, also,   it's not the most relaxing experience. And it's, you know, and that's okay. But I think it's important to know what you're going into and to frame it appropriately   so that you can also   be intent on making time and space to have an actual vacation and,   be able to relax and indulge in the things you want to indulge in.   And so that, of course, takes planning and effort and time.   As a mom, I I a lot of things can tend to get in our way of just doing a trip for ourselves, whether it's just by ourselves or it's with friends. But my point being, without our children, of course, there you can be concerns around,   you know, being able to get proper   appropriate childcare. You can have your fears about leaving your children   with someone else. You can have mom guilt about going somewhere without them. There can be financial constraints, scheduling, all sorts of things that can get in our way. So So I'm not saying it's always easy, but I am saying that it,   really serves us to be intentional about looking at it as,   okay. This is my trip with my kids, which is an important experience, but not counting that as, oh, the vacation bucket. And I guess let me back up here and say, obviously, having a toddler,   that that makes a big difference. So, like, if you feel like, you know, your kids, you know, are older and going on the trip with them is truly a vacation because it really is truly relaxing, that's one thing.  

But there's something to be said for the fact that if you're doing any parenting   at all, then it's not the most relaxing because parenting naturally comes with stressors. Like, truly,   at the very heart of of parenting is your concern about keeping these children alive and well. Like, that might not be what you're what's actively at the front of your mind at every single moment, but, ultimately, that is your job. And so, I mean, it's it's a big job. It's a big job.   And so,   you know, arguments can be made for how   completely stress free one can be when they are on the clock for that happening.  

So   with that,   I just really like to, for myself, make it a point to have trips with my kids to create memories   and to bond   and to give them and myself experiences, but also to have vacations for myself. It is very important to have both for me.   So this was just my little recap of our trip   and, you know, the   things that come along with it, the whole process.   We didn't even talk about car ride stuff, which went well overall for us,   Especially my youngest son, he tends to really enjoy a good car ride. I think the motion, again, with with sensory things, like, that's very calming for him. So he generally is just very quiet and very awesome in the car.   My oldest son has his switch to keep him nice and entertained,   for a couple of hours.  

And,   I am in the process of potty training my four year old. So, you know, we put a pull up on during the car ride. That's for sure. Although, we were doing underwear while we were actually there in the house, and that that was also another part of it. And he was doing very well for the most part with going to the potty. He didn't poop on himself not once. He peed on himself multiple times depending on what he felt like doing. So, you know, there was that whole process.   But, yeah,   when we take the kids, it's a trip. And   I really encourage you to have those experiences with your children, but to also make time for a vacation   for yourself,   because being a human is stressful. Being a human who's recovering or rebuilding from any sort of breakup is, okay, even more stressful Then being a human who's recovering or rebuilding from a breakup and trying to date, okay, even more stressful. Oh, wait. And then being a human who's recovering or rebuilding from breakups and trying to date and parenting children   is the ultimate.  

So   this is   my,   suggestion to you   to have your trips with your kids, but to also   have some vacations.  

[00:16:51] Unknown:

Hey. By the way, I can be found in other places besides this podcast.   Just search my name on YouTube, and you'll find my channel.   Subscribe for periodic how to videos for dealing with breakups and mastering dating. That's right. I said mastering dating. It's a skill, ladies.   I can also be found on Instagram at tracy panach.   And lastly,   I most encourage you to join my email list where you get breakup and dating support delivered to your inbox in addition to getting the most exclusive access to my programs and coaching services.   My email list subscribers are the first to know when my coaching programs launch and the only people to get discounts when they're offered.  

As always, I'm glad we got into it and looking forward to next time.