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If you wish you could have let yourself been happier, then why didn't you?

In Episode #498 of 'Musings', Juan & discuss: advice we’d give to our 20-something selves after a decade of lessons, cringeworthy moments that come closest to genuine regret, why regret often intensifies closer to life’s end, the feedback loop of could-have-beens, when remorse is useful versus when it’s self-punishment, being more selfish about building skills and character, obsessively detailed on what you truly care about, applying first-principles/engineering thinking beyond work, investigating emotions two or three layers deeper, being strict on yourself and kinder to others, how to nurture confidence without creating monsters and why striving to be “uncommon” is easier to dial back than trying to switch it on later. 

Huge shoutout to Magnolia Mayhem for the support, thank you so much!

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Timeline:
(00:00:00) Intro
(00:01:26) Context setting & Petar's note
(00:05:36) Defining regret by cringe
(00:09:41) Deathbed regrets and when advice isnt enough
(00:12:57) Framing the advice: not just information
(00:21:07) Advice 1 (Juan): Be more selfish about skills and character
(00:27:02) Counterpoint (Kyrin): More selflessness and meaningful connection
(00:33:58) Boostagram Lounge: value-for-value support and listener message
(00:38:56) Advice 2 (Kyrin): Effort solves problems with thoughtfulness
(00:42:09) Advice 3 (Juan): Get obsessive about what you truly care about
(00:45:34) Emotional investigations: tracing feelings to root causes
(00:50:12) Think like an engineer: first principles beyond the lab and gym
(00:55:18) Working on virtues: honesty, courage, discipline
(00:57:03) Be strict with yourself, kinder to others
(01:00:54) Confidence and the hype man effect
(01:03:06) Become uncommon & cultivating the monster wisely
(01:11:04) Wrap-up & V4V

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[00:00:07] Juan Granados:

We are very much indeed the Mere Mortals. Welcome back, Mere Mortalites. It's the October 26,   9AM   on a Sunday. That's when we go live. So if you wanna join us live, make sure you tune tune in at 9AM Australian Eastern Standard Time. You got Juan here. Kyrin here. And we're gonna be talking about life with ragrets. Ragrets. Kind of. Kind of. Kind of. So I think it's   it's a good wording. And   I put this thought, Kyrin asked, what are we gonna talk about? And I wanted to independently do a conversation myself on just   things now in my thirties   that kind of like things things in my thirties that I wish I knew in my twenties, but not not exactly that in that it's particularly like wisdom items, although maybe some of them will pop up. It was more the idea of   not   regret in itself.  

Although we can't talk about that for sure. Yeah. But if I was to give advice to my younger self,   now that I've gone through my twenties, what sort of advice would I give? And honestly,   that sounds like we're old people. It's still similar advice I think I provide to myself   now. So it's almost a reviewing back on the decade that was and if I had to like go through it again, what it might have been slightly different what might have been the things I would have doubled down triple down on and I think ultimately probably will eke out anyways into what we're doing in our current decade of the thirties. So it's kind of in relation to that, but   there's a context setting I'm going to begin with. Full context set In that,   I think often when people do these sort of reflections and I listen to a couple of people doing that, I think Nick Bay was recently doing something very similar about like what I've learned in my thirties and a few others popped up with something similar as well. It's interesting whenever you talk about a topic or you wanna do something, you always will just find it. Obviously, it's like that concept of, you know, you think of the red car and you see red cars all over the place. It's the same. You know, it started to think of, what am I going to be talking about in this podcast? And all of a sudden, I see three other podcasters or other people talking about it. So It's a good topic. I've I've brought it up with two or three other people this week and we had really fun conversations about it. So Yeah. We had some people on Discord as well. Peter and Cole as well talking about it. So it encourages the conversation that comes out of it. But the context setting that I was gonna say was, and this I've had this conversation in different,   levels before with different people is   as much as what we're gonna say, and it's a feedback that you give to your younger self or feedback to yourself or feedback to others or whatever advice.  

Again,   a lot of what you did, whether good, bad, didn't do, lack of, did do really well, whatever,   suit with you in today's position. So you got to have the context of as much as we're going to say and advise things,   it can only come from hindsight and   it's very often really difficult to then kind of forward predict what will happen if you were to change some of those things. Although you can have a good enough reasonable view, I think, to certain degrees. Again, I all of a sudden just eat McDonald's every single day. I can probably tell you what's going to happen in the future.   But   when you're looking at things hindsight, you kind of have to remember, you know, you can't just be stupid and go, Oh, yeah, but if I, if I, you know, not talk to any human and train for nine hours a day, I could have become really jacked.  

Yes. But that has other downsides that you probably would have regretted even more. It'd be if you had the time machine, you go give the advice,  

[00:03:24] Kyrin Down:

then the new version of you goes through and then   they reach 33. And they're like, alright, podcast time, what are we gonna talk about? Oh, what I would have done in my 20s. And then the advice they'd give to themselves is the complete opposite   of what of what they ended up actually doing. And so then you're just stuck in this like feedback loop. So yeah, you could, you could I could certainly see  

[00:03:45] Juan Granados:

that something like that happening now. Oh, so what I wanna do, you might have some items listed. I'm not no. None listed down, but mine are quite easy because I've I've been thinking about this for a little while. But I actually wanted to begin and again, people who go on a discord or, like, in in the circle of the mere mortals, you're gonna get,   first dibs if you wanna actually put something as part of the topics. But I wanna talk about,   Peter's comment,   which I know you were talking to him already about. So I wanted to kind of explore in this particular podcast,   which was I'll I'll read it out. Right?  

His note that he sent through yesterday was, I don't live with big regrets in my life. I've come to the realization that every decision I made in the past was done with the best evidence and ideas ahead of time. You can be mad at yourself for not having better information, but that's not really your regret. That's just being mad at the cards you were dealt. That's being mad at your circumstances, kinda like being mad at the weather.   And   I like this note from him of, from Gandalf. A wizard is never late, noisy early. He arrives precisely what he means to.   I I know you're saying, you know, in in relation to that, the the feeling of it or the the regrets of it as well.  

So I think part of the context setting in from what Peter was saying, like, yep. It's actually like, everything I'm gonna say   in relation to like my younger self or feedback to my younger person, I'm going to be like, absolutely. I'm not, I'm not   like negating it nor am I looking back at it with any regrets. In fact, if I had to   like point blank be asked like, how well, what are the regrets in the 20s?   None really feel like regrets, regrets because   in some way, shape, order, it was all like sort of brought up now to where I am today. So take that and if there's a particular regret as I'm talking about it, I'll be like, oh, okay. Maybe I do regret that. But is there any   based on like what Peter was saying, was there any regret or any particular idea that came up to you? You were like,   Yeah. Like I was too harsh on myself   in my twenties or in something else. Like that's like very obvious for people. Yeah. Well, first of all, fuck the sun too hot today.  



[00:05:40] Kyrin Down:

Not not a happy not happy chaffy over here. It is it is warm. It is warm. I'm joking.   The   when I think of   the regret as in   it's something now which makes me feel something because so that's kind of how I'm kind of categorizing   a regret something where I kind of cringe at it a little bit.   Probably that's the most accurate feeling for me. So   not getting   a perfect score on a test or something. I don't look at that now and cringe. It's just like, okay, yeah, whatever. Even if it would have been nice to   win a soccer game. I remember like scoring an own goal. I remember, you know, losing the final and it's like, oh, I had this one chance when the ball came in from a corner. And if I just hit it perfectly,   I don't regret not scoring that or doing better. It's just okay, that was   a memorable moment, but I don't cringe.  

The only things I really cringe of.   Yeah, it was in my 20s.   Almost dying because I overtook a car overtook a not a car a B double on   the stretch going from   Brisbane to Emerald.   And I very much could have died had another car been coming in the opposite direction because I was in their lane. That one I still wake up and I cringe And that so yes, that one I regret. Even though everything ended up fine.   Another one   was actually for even just like this last year where it was.   Yeah, just   a girl was making it very obvious that she wanted me to ask her out and like, she could not have done more. This is where I'm like,   Oh, okay, I understand why those girls on forums who are like, I fucking did everything and this guy just   like ignored me blah blah blah and I   I completely understand that now that when I cringe because I just go   I I could have I had known better like Peter says like you know I couldn't have with all the information available   I had all you had all the information. There was no more information that could have could have made this more obvious.  

And and same with the same with the other one. Like, all the information was there. I knew driving to Emerald was the most dangerous thing I'd be doing, like, all year and I still did something really fucking stupid and dangerous. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. And so that's, that's a, that's a good point because you know, it's like,  

[00:08:07] Juan Granados:

so with the driving, I assume like I remember overtaking a truck going down a hill or something and similar thing where it's like, oh my God,   immediately afterwards, you're like, man,   probably should have known. I was like, you could have just waited the thirty seconds just waiting behind the truck. Absolutely. And again, it's one of those where information, like everyone has that information   and   how front of mind you have and I guess is probably the other problem in that look a lot of like probability statistically you probably   more likely to die driving than you are walking or even being on a plane. But we   crashing from an on a plane and dying is just seen as so much more maybe horrific or likely for whatever reason or getting bitten by sharks and then people get are afraid of, you know, the ocean versus   afraid of the road. Yeah. That information is widely available. But I don't know if just as humans, we just decide to rationalize it or not even rationalize it. We just are emotional beings like, yeah, that's okay. That's fine. That's not gonna happen to me. That's just what happens in all these other cases that are not out. So   yes, we might have all the information. But even with the information, it's like just general the humans are not going to, you know, take the right action with that anyways. Yeah. When when people talk about regrets more, I feel it's and I  

[00:09:19] Kyrin Down:

I think I sent a link on the in the discord, but it's the top five most   people on their deathbed   interviewed. It was from a book on   kind of like palliative care type   thing from quite a while ago.   And the typical stuff in it was, I wish I hadn't worked as much because,   and this was from men mostly   because I've missed out so many moments,   especially   of my children's   lives.   I wish I had let myself be happier. I wish I hadn't,   like, earned as much money or something like that.   And there was a couple of other ones. And for those ones, those are the ones where I like   regret isn't the right word for what I feel. So if I think of   being with a partner who I was scared of,   breaking up with   because   I didn't want to be alone.  

But I knew, like, staying with her long term wasn't the right thing. And yet we were   continuing to go further and further into a relationship.   That's one where it's like,   yes, I, like, I kind of had all the information. I knew   what should be done, what the right thing to be done is.   But that's that's one where I   I I, yeah, regret's just not the right word for it. And I was thinking of some things like fear, overcoming a fear. Mhmm. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to really make a change.   When I was in,   Emerald the same time, so I would have been 21   or 20. And this was before having that first girlfriend.  

Still a virgin still had like the only girl I'd ever really kissed had been a drunken one at after party formal who was just trying to beat her friend and kissing the most guys like yeah, super romantic.   So obviously had not had like a   actual   female connection.   Especially sexually. And   that's one where I'm like, I hit fucking rock bottom. And that's what actually prompted me to change.   Because I I was an emerald. I had a shit sleep.   I didn't know anyone there   other than the kind of like,   one of the graduates or not graduates, guys who I was in my mining course, but we had different schedules, so I'd never see him working shift work. I was eating like shit. I wasn't training.   All of that culminated to one night where I was like, I need to fucking change my life. Like, this is   I can't keep going like this.  

Do I regret not being able to do more   and learning   from that earlier in my life? In my teens, for example?   No, that's one where it's like, okay, I didn't have I had all the information in a way, but it wasn't,   it wasn't the information wasn't enough. I needed something extra.   And that extra was   maybe you could call it time itself. Maybe you could call it like,   I guess the negative motivation of getting too far away of like, of just more pain.   Maybe I guess you could say pain   is information in a sense, but yeah, something like that. So   those ones which are the typical ones that people would say they regret,   like. Sure. I've, I've spent I guess you could say I've wasted a lot of time, but,   that one was   I don't feel like   there could have really been anything that could have been done to, to have made it better.  

And this will get on to like the advice section where it's like, I'm not sure   advice was   more information wasn't the answer  

[00:12:55] Juan Granados:

to solving this problem. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's, let's get into that. I think it's the   wrestlers podcast almost. So I kind of wanna imagine, like, again,   sitting down with   20 year old or 25 year old self.   And   again, it's like, the way I was thinking is,   what sort of advice   would I   pass   on to that individual   that isn't   just information in that sense because you're right, like just going in directly statement of   you've got to like you've got to change your life and you got to go do these things. Yeah. If you do this, this is what will happen, you know.   Not necessarily and exactly. Not necessarily will that happen. And we've talked about on this podcast before around   the importance of the actions for sure. And if the outcome might or might not happen, but it's the   generators, the actions that might give you the trophies or things that you're after, but it might not. And it's the actions itself, which are the important things. But that's sort of the going in position of this conversation being like, okay, what would you tell yourself?  

Again, equally this might then apply to someone else listening to this and be like, okay, I might listen to Karen's advice here and be like, I guess he's experienced something and comes out from from it. So, what what were your regrets? Do you have any that you would say?   But again, similar with like driving ones.  

[00:14:14] Kyrin Down:

Like anything that you cringe about, you think about because those two that I mentioned, those are the ones where I'll wake up and   I'll if I think of it in the night,   most of the time they'll just be like, oh,  

[00:14:29] Juan Granados:

oh, oh. A real fringe of it. Yeah. None. None. Like, definitely none that   now that I can think like in the same in a similar vein of I wake up or I still think about him once a year, once a week or once a day. No, no, not nothing that I could like off the top of my mind right now. If I think back, I go, there was definitely some   nights where,   you know, maybe we just move out for too long and then you super tired and you have a shitty weekend, but there's not real regrets. It's like, ah, it's   life that those experiences that you go through. And again, you could probably equally find like that. Yeah. But then I got to experience this and this, this story. So   there's a balance a little bit   apart from some driving experiences where like equally driving behind a truck and going around. But again,  

[00:15:11] Kyrin Down:

it's not like I ever think about it until it randomly gets brought up by somebody else. I'm like, Oh, yeah, that happened. I was chatting with a friend yesterday and he was talking about how he had this real party phase, just three years of just debauchery almost, you know, and it was like a house. So he was surrounded by people like it'd be so he'd be at work and his friends would be drinking   very heavily at   eleven a. M. On a Thursday.   And he knows as soon as he gets home, like, he's going to have, like, a beer for us. Yeah, that's what's next. Yeah. And,   you know, he was explaining this and I was I was really interested because I'm like, well, this does not match up with your personality right now.  

And then he was explaining like, oh, yeah, you know, my childhood was was I didn't really have one because I had to help my mum. She had, you know, been divorced or   her partner had left left her with, like, twins. So they were like his siblings.   And he essentially had to be a dad   up until the age of like 19.   And I go, Okay, well, that makes sense. Like you didn't get to have a childhood and fun. So   of course, like, now it's your overreaction to that will be three years of crazy fun. Yep. Which he then goes to say, like, yeah, you know, do I wish I hadn't done it? Yes, in a way, but   I needed to do it in a way. So,   you know, what can you say to that? I can't feel like that same about my,   my ex like,   yes, I wish I hadn't wasted a lot of her time and I guess even my time in a in a sense.  

But it was almost like I needed to do it   to kind of, I don't know, reassure myself, feel good about myself. I almost I'm almost wondering if if  

[00:17:03] Juan Granados:

the concept of regret in itself cannot can only be either truly appreciated or really only makes sense   when you're   like over the barrier closer to demise, like closer to death as opposed to just slightly removed from it. So we're talking about it as we're in a thirties talking about our twenties and yes, we can come up with some regrets, but   let's just say, you remember this life ended at 40   or 35. Let's just say, I think we would be looking back at something that's going like off fuck. Like I really regret   like forgetting all of these negativity of people and just focusing on friends and family or   actually I spent way too much time caring about running and getting this time. Who cares? I've only got two years.  

If it were more along those lines, if there was a definitive end and we were closer towards that, I think   the concept of regret would be stronger. But right now it doesn't feel that way. So like when, when you're talking about the regrets of like the, you know, palliative care or people who are close to the end of the life, it is   hanging out with friends or the social connections or, hey, I shouldn't be knowing too much money and care about your kids.   Yes. And that's probably why it's so hard to conceptualize to a 35 year old   CEO or COO or top level executive or whatever, put yourself in the position of a strong performer in work and you're making lots of money and you're being able to travel.  

That I don't think you would say that it's a regret that you're doing that versus, Hey, I'm seeing my kids two hours less per day.   Even if   sixty years in the future, that will be a regret. It's, it's almost not internalized in any way as a younger individual who's not close to mortality in that way. That makes sense to me because Peter also mentioned that  

[00:18:45] Kyrin Down:

one of his strategies   was   essentially like beating himself up for something that had been done. So, you know,   and   I won't spill the backstory, but it's, you know, one of those things where it's like, he had an impact on someone else's life that ended very negatively for that person.   But the direct linkage, like how much of what his actions did actually correlated to that person.   I don't even think is up for debate in terms of he put way too much on himself. It's almost like a selfish thing in a way. And I'm guilty of this of myself. Like,   you know, oh, did that girl not text me back? Because I did something and it's like, it's probably nothing to do with you, man, like fucking great.  

And his strategy was   to beat himself up essentially to feel guilty for it to,   you know,   almost   through his pain,   absolve himself.   Whereas,   you know, that's one strategy, obviously, an unhelpful strategy. And, you know, eventually,   he had to   move on from that and forgive himself. And,   you know, the other strategy   for that would be like, okay,   it let's say, let's say, even if this was my fault,   what can I do to   absolve myself from this in a more positive way? And this could be, you know, let's say you've   accidentally   hit someone with a car, like it's, you know, it's your fault, they, it's your fault, in a sense, they died, but you know, perhaps they were walking out onto the street, and it's like, 5,050.  

You know, you can   destroy your life, drink yourself into oblivion and feel like that's a way of solving it. Or perhaps you could, you know, try and do things for road safety or volunteers   like a lollipop man or whatever,   and   have a positive impact to solve that. But both of   those require time. So if you're at the end of your life, you could you don't have either of those to   really do. So that's where it's just like pure, pure regret. Now, like, there's no further thing you can do. There's literally nothing I can do good or bad, that will make this Effected in any other other idea just as things have happened. Yeah. Yeah. So I think  

[00:20:58] Juan Granados:

yeah. Look at look at I think the concept of regret,   has to has to be seen with the   time availability that you have to take, like, further effects, I guess. So I'm going to go into my first our first advice piece. Okay.   It's a little I'll take it off a slightly different tangent here. Maybe some people won't won't agree with it, but I'll try to   generalize a little bit if it's not too extreme. But I think,   again, sitting down, giving some advice to my 20 year old self, I would say,   be   more selfish,   more selfish   on the skills   and on building your character. And so   that   concept,   and again, I say these out loud almost in the sense of   I imagine some of the things will definitely apply into my thirties and beyond, some might not. But what I look back on and the things I probably like saw and experienced in my 20s   was   one,   you have more capacity in your 20s to just   apply yourself to the world, right? Energy,   time, usually you have less commitment as you get older commitment seems to just increase in general, this of course doesn't have to be applied to everyone. But specifically, to me, I could see that your responsibilities   in one you're accountable for just growth as you get older. And I and I look back going,   one of those advice piece would have been get more selfish, get more selfish on the things that you care about, on skill set building, on character building. And so   what that looks in distinctly, like putting it into action, would have been, no,   read that extra book rather than thinking that making time for,   you know, going and catching up with a random person is,   if you think that you can put in   the extra half hour per day to increase your skill set ad and   saying no running or training generalizing it there, do that over and above other things that you think are more selfless.  

Now, some people might be like, they're like, Oh, what the hell? You know, what do you mean? Are you saying like, don't go to charity? You know, don't be selfless and go like, go help out a mate and whatnot.   And again, there's fuzzy boundaries in on in terms of like who you support.   But,   I'm very   looking back at on a stringent on,   I think being more selfish and becoming a better human in general   by your skills, by a character   will end up multiplying in terms of value to the world, to your network, to the closer ones around you in time,   as opposed to being really selfless   at the beginning   and not having that buildup of skill and character   that can then benefit   way more people. So the first one was, yeah, I think I could have been more selfish. Okay. Could be more selfish on on my skills and character. And again, I won't be I won't be uber extreme with this. I'm not saying be selfish on everything.  

Right? So again,   that would exclude, like,   with your closest connections, your family, your relationships.   No. Not selfish in those arenas. But   I remember when I was in my twenties going to   a networking event for   business professionals, and it was business professionals in the IT sector to talk about whatever. And I remember having   some pizza and some beers.   And like you said, it's not a regret because, sure, I I learned something and I had some conversations and whatnot.   However, if I had to pitch that again,   being selfish and increasing my skill set   on something else or training or a whole host of other things.  

If I had to give advice, I'd be like, that   net's gonna give me more benefits   than what this would have gotten me. And it's not a regret. It's just plain and simple. That would have gotten me closer to the skills and characteristics I wanted versus this thing that's completely forgotten and I would never know what it is. And again, that can also apply to selfishness and being like, Hey, if you want to travel fucking Vietnam   and you're gonna do it like, you don't have to wait for your friends, you know, what I've got, go build that experience that connectivity. And that might be over and above. And it sounds crazy to say. So again, you know, listening to this if you're younger,   some people might go,   no, but I want to save up my money to buy a house.  

I'd kind of go, if the selfish piece is you want to experience and increase your skill set and characteristic,   this time, there's time for that, you know, a little bit later on, do it when you can. That's kind of like the my pitch for my younger self. Sure. Which I think I would have   pushed back on when I was younger. So I'd have that's why I would have to be just be like, be more selfish at the things that build your skill and character. Okay. Yeah. This isn't  

[00:25:33] Kyrin Down:

advice. This is more for myself looking back   as   just analyzing myself.   The complete opposite for me.   More selflessness   is would have been   a boon.   You mentioned as you get older, you   get these responsibilities.   I do want to add, you don't have to this is true. This is one thing that I feel people,   they fall into without thinking like   you can certainly construct your life where you don't need to have all these responsibilities. Now, there's   some really good things that that come from them, for sure. And like, if I take myself, for example, I'm probably like,   there I say, like, the least responsible person ever.  

And when I say that, I mean, there's just not a whole lot riding   on people don't really need to rely on me for things. You know, there's not a work colleague who's like, fuck, I hope Karen pulls through this weekend does this and whatever. Yeah. And does this deliverable?   There's   friends.   Yeah, sure. I guess with friendships, like there's, there's   responsibility. I just don't think it's the right word for that. Like, I want to do nice things for you. And for Joey Mitchell, all of our other friends, you know, Mitchell's   getting getting married this next year, there's somewhat of an obligation responsibility for me to show up to that. But   in general, I don't have a lot of those things. Now, I actually want some of them, I want to have the family and the partner and the kids and stuff. So, you know, there's there's certain times of life, but   if I had spent an extra half an hour every day on   learning another language on, you know, doing more handstands   on improving   XYZ   thing, reading another book,   For   me, that wouldn't   have added,   I'd certainly be   a little bit better and all of those things.  

Would that be   a particular   boon to my life right now? I'd say probably not.   Because I it's more in the like the,   like you said, it's in the process of, of doing these things, which is   a one arm handstand would be great. I'd love to have it right now. But because I'm working towards it, not because I can just have it. Sure. Yep. And   so when I think back, it's like, alright, if, if I had just told myself to do more of that to be more selfish.   That that wouldn't I wouldn't have had like more time of being in the zone of feeling like, Oh, I'm progressing and you know, I'm working on myself and things like this.   It probably should have been like, Hey,   you are too selfish, especially when it comes to like mentally thinking of   every impact that I have is impacting other people.  

And which is a very   selfish thing, whereas everyone else is like doing their own things. They probably don't even realize   you're an entity in the world.   So,   you know,   even in a way saying like, you know what, you're probably   doing some things for the sake of just,   how would I say   it? Like   a meditation   type aspect of   not focusing on yourself so much and putting that focus on other people. And then, you know,   ideally, hopefully, I'd be doing good things for them. So not necessarily like charity work. I probably wouldn't have really been interested in that. But   having more   fruitful conversations   or   connecting with my mum, for example,   if I could have done that, whilst   she still had the mental capabilities,   that would have been   a real real boon.  

That that and I would have had more memories, I would have had a deeper connection with her and known her better. So   things like that. I Yeah, giving advice to that version of myself, I don't think would have worked. So that's why I wouldn't say advice but like,   analyzing  

[00:29:48] Juan Granados:

myself. Does the context? Yeah, I think it Yeah, I think there's   a slight   move away from the extreme that I was trying to make sense of. So like,   selfish in the   things that matter for you skills and characteristics,   but   in hard and again, hard   for a younger individual. And again, I still think hard even for myself today and probably hard for a 40 year old, but   to know what the circle of not influence but of care and relationship that you really care about because   I would have given myself the feedback or to again analyzing it back and go   I probably was carrying about   300 or 400 people, friends, people are like, oh, they've invited me in, like, oh, yeah. Let's go catch up and have a drink or something like that. Where what I'm meaning by selfish there is like,   I wish I would have taken the point of being like,   don't worry about that. Go hang out with the family. Don't worry about that. Get trained. Don't worry about that. So that's   the selfish aspect of it. But I would do   I do push it slightly more than the just the neutral here and being like, yeah, even like some things where you're sitting on the Fed, I'd be like, nah.  

Maxi stats. Maxi Max, I'm not I'm not so like, you know, when people say, like, you know, Max, you'll, Max looks and and stats all that.   Kinda like that, like an example, but, you know, Max's stats in terms of your fitness and your capability and the things that you know and the things that you can learn and not just, you know,   the knowledge for knowledge sake, but learning the the meta skill of learning and going through all those phases.   That in your especially attuned to the fact that in your when you're younger, you just got more energy to be able to do it and   probabilistically less responsibilities. Yes, you can have less still have low responsibilities as you go. However,   though, there's high percentages that you'll have to look after somebody, right? Whether it's parents, whether it's kids, whether it's yourself more whether it's just have low energy, you've got more responsibilities either to yourself or others as you grow older. So  

[00:31:42] Kyrin Down:

make the most of it when you're younger. I've written this book on extroversion introversion in particular introversion at the moment. And I think that's pretty much like the dominant reason that you would say that and I would say mine, which is just, I didn't have   400   friends who   or acquaintances   who needed   catching up with or and if I did, I didn't   view them as such, or I didn't have the social skills that would be that these invitations would be coming my way, for example, whereas whereas for you the opposite is the case. So I'll probably be talking about that in a I had I had moments I had like  

[00:32:17] Juan Granados:

years ago now, five, six years ago, We had, like, groups of people, people that I knew where we had what was called TFS at the time. And again, we called it that because that was the software that we used to use as well. But what we termed it as Thursday, Friday, Saturday,   it's every Thursday, every Friday, and every Saturday, we'd go out, we'd go do something. Okay. Drinks, events, activities, right.   And it was like big activities and we'd go lay into the night and then you'd be tired the next day and you still have work on the Friday and then you back it up on the Saturday.   And it was time like that when again, this was like   almost random people now if I really reflect on it, people that I don't really interact with to this day.  

Was I was that really favorable for me, again, not regrets, not regrets, but an advice of go.   You could probably be leveraging that those time domains better in a more selfish way. Again, it could have just been with family, it could have just been training, it could have just been   learning something new, it could have been whatever you want to put down. But if I   had been a little bit more selfish, I wouldn't have gone and done those things or some of it. Sure. Do some, but not all of the things I would have presented at the time purely to be like, oh, yeah. But so and so invited me and, yeah, we should we should go do that. Like, it's like, no. What does one at the time want to do? What does your actual self want to do that's going to better yourself?  

[00:33:32] Kyrin Down:

I've probably had five, ten, 15 times in my life where I've had a conflicting schedule and I had two two invitations for the same the same thing. Yeah. That's probably like the max I've ever had in my life. Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, that's that's happened. That's a couple  

[00:33:48] Juan Granados:

a couple of times. It still happens today. It still happens today, but definitely happened a lot more when I was in my, you know, in my twenties. So that's that was   happened a lot more when I was in my, you know, in my twenties. So that's that was my one. What's the only one you what one you got? Should we do the boost to gram lounge? And then We've got boost to gram lounge? Yeah. Okay. Then get onto to  

[00:34:03] Kyrin Down:

some of the actual advice that I have for myself.   So Boostedagram Lounge and once again, the Boostedagram Lounge is what we just. Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll explain it this time. So for those who don't know, this is a value for value podcast. We ask that you support the show and you can do this many different ways. Time, talent and treasure will focus on the treasure aspect at the moment, which is   sending in a payment to the show of,   you know, support because it does cost a lot to   host all of these things, the audio,   keeping the cameras up,   going all the very different various different fees that we have producing this.  

And   there's a couple of ways you can do this. One is via the PayPal link, but we also love it if you can do it via a modern podcasting app, That's where you can send some support directly within   the app.   Places like True Fans, Fountain, Podverse,   Cast O Matic,   Curocaster,   Podcast Guru, for example.   And,   we read out those messages that come on the show. And did we have anything this week? That was we did. Yeah. Bean is coming on. So that's it. We've got No, Mr. Graham Beanie. Magnolia  

[00:35:14] Juan Granados:

Mayhem.  

[00:35:15] Kyrin Down:

Oh, yeah. Grand Magnolia Mayhem? I I'm no. No. I don't.  

[00:35:18] Juan Granados:

I don't either. So that's that's why I've interested I was like, oh, it's a new one. It's a new one. Row of ducks, 2222   sat to you. Send me a new accent. So thank you very much, Magnolia. I'm happily married, and this last episode still really helped me work through some   things that I believe was the conversation that we had last week in relation to   Attracting women. Attracting women.   So that was very interesting Yes. For a married individual. Thank you.  

[00:35:43] Kyrin Down:

Yeah. Yeah.   You'd probably have more insights into this and maybe it's an episode in itself, but I guess like   dating   when you're in a long term relationship   and when you're married and how that changes   and keeping attraction alive.   I've probably   never really gotten to   that far into a stage where I'd   really need to consider it whether routine has become so mundane.  

[00:36:12] Juan Granados:

Yeah. I think I'd probably the   absolutely off the cuff advice I'd give on that one is   the first change I think happens at a year.   The second more really drastic change happened in about three years. And then definitely if you have kids, change is dramatically different as well.   That's probably as close as I know for the moment. But   the the three year change, I'd say, is a is a very definitive different change. I think by that point,   it's like the one year is you've gone past the kind of the honeymoon stage and you're now into like the real life and you're talking about   futures and what are you doing with life and accommodation   and finances.  

The three years is where like rubber meets the road in both. You've been together long enough to experience most things. Now you're going through a cycle of, like, okay, is it just the same thing again?   That's real decision points of living together, not living together, finances, not finances. That's when you're talking nitty gritty details of life. Like, it's like it's three three and nothing or three and forever type of, like, feeling.   But, yeah, there is   a cycle at that point where it's like, okay. We're doing the same year again or, you know, are both people up for, like, differentiation or is one that need a difference and the other one doesn't? I think it's three. Three is the the big number that I would say from a from a, that perspective. And, again, I'm sure   people who are together or married or whatever for much longer periods of time as well, they might be like, well, twenty five years, you know, something like this roughly happens.  

So I'm sure it'll be something where   maybe when your kids grow up as well, if you have kids, that that would be another transition. But I think yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very yeah. When when they leave Lots of lots of different, changes, I'm sure. Sure. That could be it would have its own whole podcast.  

[00:37:52] Kyrin Down:

Yeah. All right. Thank you for the for the boost. Yes. Thank you very much. Really, really appreciate that.   Okay. Piece of advice that I would give to myself   probably.   So my context for this is like   any advice that I gave to myself would need to be,   reasonable or, like, reasoning as in the   I would,   I'm just imagining, like, let's say,   various different times in my life in the twenties, but   at certain stages, like, some things would hit more because, you know, the difference between 20 and 29 is pretty drastic.   But it would need to kind of be   within the realm of like, possibility   of like, you can do this.  

This is something that is possible. So   in   when I was 20, and still a virgin, talking about something where it's like, you know, you could, you know, meet a girl and then   have sex with her within like, forty five minutes, that would just be like, we don't that's impossible. That's that that can't happen.   And but, you know, telling that to me later would would certainly be like, okay, yeah, I've had more experience, I could see how that could maybe happen.   So it would need to be kind of reasonable,   and not too far out of where my fixed mind was already. So there's certain things belief that I had in my 20s, which were like,   very fixed.  

And the only thing I think I could do would be to   give some advice that would set me on the path which would take me away from that. So it was all of these things that   Pickup artists would mention it in the last weeks where it was these were beliefs that I had.   You know, you have to wait three days before messaging, messaging and go back. If she's wearing red, that means she's like, it's like a signal that she's looking for sex.   You know, doing negging and backhanded compliments, this is the way to blah, blah, blah.   All of those sorts of things. A lot of them were fixed in my mind as these are that's the way. Yep. This is this is how how it works.  

So   going too far beyond that.   I know if I'd say said to myself, like, oh, yeah, you know, attract women through honesty,   beta,   beta,   that that wouldn't have been helpful. So   number one here was   a reiteration   that any problem could be solved via effort. So anything that I really was struggling with.   There were some problems that felt insurmountable   and   took me a long time to   overcome.   One of these would be getting a muscle up, for example. I just I never had a belief that I could actually really do it.   And   starting from not being able to do a single pull up when I went to the gym for the first time. That was eye opening. I remember just going up to it and try to pull in and my oh my god, I can't even do one like I thought I'd be able to get at least like four or five. There was just nothing, nothing happening, just hanging in. It's like, oh, shit. Go into a muscle up from that is such a long convoluted process that it felt impossible. So I guess just a reiteration that effort effort can solve it. And the   the effort needs to probably be combined with   thought, thoughtful effort in a way. So   not just blindly   fucking going to the gym and just trying to pull up every single time. So I know they use a weighted machine so it takes some of the weight off so then you can   actually do the movement itself.  

And,   and things like that use bands when you're using when you progress far enough. So   that one, it kind of links to another one I've got coming up. But just that reiteration   effort, you can solve this by effort. Don't don't forget that. Don't well know this   know this that this is   something that can be  

[00:41:49] Juan Granados:

solved. Yep. Alright, well, mine's   the one I'll call out mine very similar to that. Well,   linked.   I was gonna give advice. I think that's a good call out. That's gonna be like, positional to the person as well. Because if it's too far out of the way you just it's like, what are you talking about? Yeah.  

[00:42:04] Kyrin Down:

I would have heard that advice anyway and brushed it off. Sure. Yep.  

[00:42:09] Juan Granados:

I would have said,   get   obsessed   with the things that you care about and become not even just obsessed, be obsessive about them.   I would have just kept it like that general. I wouldn't have been like specific.   What I what I really mean, like the prime example is in training or in fitness,   but I wouldn't have said it in that way to my younger self to think   there might have been some aversion. Like if I said, get obsessed by about becoming a good runner,   my younger self would have been like, what are you talking about? Like, no, I don't want to run. I don't care for that. I would have just said, get obsessive with the things that you care about.   And   again, looking back at my younger self, I go   training and gym training and and   normal fitness, all the things I did, I probably   put a good amount of effort towards it. Right? And put lots of great effort towards it. But effort aside,   it's I could see now in the way that I do some things in the way that I've seen other people do, I could have been I could be so way more obsessive in the yes. But be finicky about the way that you do the pull up and the muscle up and the skill set and repeat it and do it better and documented   and track it and all of those ways that you could potentially get better at it   are the things that I care about.  

I could have, I've could have cared more. I could have been more obsessed about the little details   and over time, again, it's not just the one time that you do the pull up correctly. It's do that multiplied by   the 10,000 times that you do it. And all of a sudden   twofold one, you don't just bet out the particular skill set in the movement, but   moving forward into the future, it's   because of the way you were doing it, you're now got better longevity on your joints and your bones. You were able to load up your bone better and your musculature   better so that longevity wise, it actually ends up working out even more so in in my benefit.  

Right? At the moment, I'm I'm tracking at the I wanna get three reps,   600 body weight for the particular lifts.   Right. But if I was really obsessed about training and it doesn't have to be   a dose time thing, I wouldn't have cared too much longevity focus, but I've gone   keep it simple. I'm gonna be as strong and as fast as I can and become really obsessed with that. It would have been that it will be beneficial   all the way to the future and longevity because you're just gonna have sarcopenia and you're gonna lose your VO two,   levels and all that as you get older. Just life nature that happens. So if I'd one, if I become really obsessed and even better at that, would have set me in a better position as long as I don't get injured. Right. And I think that's the other part is just being obsessed about all of it to make sure that you're injury free. Doing deloads, I was talking about this earlier, like, oh my god. I've done my first deload week.  

Being obsessive about, like, no. I've been doing a, you know, a six week, like, mesocycle, and after that, I'm gonna do one week deload, and I'm gonna be, like, really stringent on this and be able to do that in I stretching and my training and then whatever, all those various things. Again, there's fitness specific, but there was a few other things that I also cared about. If I become really obsessive over it, which maybe coincides with becoming selfish,   I can only see that being a benefit. But   obsessive at the things I care about, that that would be the the advice to to my youngest self. And again,   all I'm saying saying all these things   applies to today's world as well. It looks different, obviously, in the things that I care about. But again, there's sort of advice pieces that works real well for when I was younger, and I think applies now in slightly different ways moving forward as well. Yeah, that's yeah, that's a good one. It's a good one. One that just came to mind then for me was,  

[00:45:42] Kyrin Down:

I guess, the emotional   investigations.   So   the   amount of time I've spent on   doing things which made me feel bad,   and I didn't   really investigate   why I was feeling bad.   I that that was probably a bunch of wasted time, which was unproductive. So an example of this would be actually even recently,   where I did improve was,   so, you know, don't really enjoy the dating apps at the moment. So I'm going out and just trying to meet women in real life. And I need to do some shopping. Alright, I'll go to like a big shopping center and I'll wander around here for a little bit and you know, I'll do my shopping but there's there's   opportunities   to   to meet people there as well.  

And   I went there and so it was like a Saturday,   I think,   Sunday maybe. And   I was fucking stressed out. I was feeling bad in there. And I kind   of came out and like, I didn't do any approaches or anything. And I was like, kind of beating myself up about it. And this is the first time I actually kind of set myself aside was like, okay, what what exactly about that made you feel bad? Because you did something very similar   like two days before and you went out and so Newstead   had really lovely conversation or maybe it was the week before and   I   met a girl there. And even if there was other days where you didn't even meet me, Danny, but maybe you said hi to some people.  

And it was almost like the exact same outcome in which like nothing happened.   But one time I felt really good and one time I felt really bad.   And so investigating it more, I was like, Oh, well, you know, it's probably part of it's the environment. It's really loud.   Everyone's like stressing about running about   in a shopping center.   There's   the demographics there is a difference. So it's a lot more like young teens. And so   seeing,   you know, girls passing by,   they're not really the age range you're looking for, but you could still do an approach on them, I guess, technically.   But but that's not the demographic. So everything about it was just like, oh, okay, it's I'm feeling bad and this is the reason why for it. And I wish I'd done a lot more   kind of investigations into that when I was when I was younger. Like, okay,   you you're feeling bad in this moment when you're playing soccer. Like, what is the reason? It's like, oh, you know what? That that guy had said like a mean comment about you. And it's like, okay, well, what does that mean? Common   reflect?  

I think I got called like whispering Jack, for example, by some of my teammates.   And,   you know, that   hurt because   it was something that was true about myself. Like, I was very quiet. I was very shy.   I wouldn't participate in conversations. And why wouldn't I do that? Oh, it's because I feel   like I'm a loser and have nothing to contribute. Work   out   like, oh, okay. And if I'd done that, maybe it would have been like, oh, okay, well, this is a problem I can solve. And I'm like, oh, okay, And if I'd done that, maybe it would have been like, oh, okay, well, this is a problem I can solve or, you   know,   I'm feeling bad   because,   my hair I remember I used to always, like, look in mirrors and be like,   trying to, like, fix my hair because I was already starting to thin. It would go up and then I'd look like I would see myself in a mirror and be like, oh, like, I fucking look stupid. Like, you can see I'm balding   ever since I shaved my hair off. Like that's never been a problem. Yeah. Never.  

Because now it's just like it's all shaved off. It's fine. So   spending more time   looking into emotions   and figuring out the root cause   like two or three levels down rather than just a surface emotion   That that would have been productive time well spent for myself. Yeah, that's interesting.   Would would   and would 20   year olds Kyren   think this was useful? I think if I framed it right, if I as long as I didn't frame it like it was a   therapy   type deal, if it was more just like,   maybe in an engineering step, like, okay, what's the next step?   Yeah, what's beneath that? Like, what's underneath that?  

It   because because I probably would have been dismissive in general in my emotions. I don't really feel them like something like that. That would have been my response. So actually this so the the other one, which is an interesting feedbacking and this  

[00:50:17] Juan Granados:

might only really apply to a select few people or like groupings in the world, but   advice piece,   I would have said apply more of your engineering knowledge or engineering   mind to more things.   And kind of goes through that in the first principle thinking,   underlying breaking it down.   We did that well in engineering, that's commonplace. It's what you do. I kind of did that in training in some ways, and that probably helped out.   But in a whole load of other places in my life, I didn't apply it in that particular way. And I think   even just purely first principle thinking in a lot of things would have been really beneficial and again, applies as much today. But my 20 year old self,   first principle thinking on, you know, decision making or return on investment or investing   all of those things. I think first principle thinking and breaking down would have been really beneficial. I just didn't I didn't I didn't do that. I went of gut feels a lot of the time.  



[00:51:15] Kyrin Down:

So the advice I would have given myself is you hear something. I was in the gym the other day with my friend Brendan, who's PT and I was mentioning like, oh, yeah, I do chest flies because it like works the inner chest. He's like, you know, that doesn't   actually do that. Like, you start explaining that how the chest muscle works. I was like,   well, yeah, that is just some bro science thing I'd heard ten, fifteen years ago and   assumed was true. Whereas, yeah, if I had spent a little bit of time like investigating  

[00:51:43] Juan Granados:

how the chest muscle. Yeah, then it would have actually become like quite obvious. Yeah. Yeah. So I think all of those,   so give you a clear example. I, I was using the concept of type two, type one muscle fiber and the way that fibers fire and the type of rep range that you do for bodybuilding hypertrophy maximization.   Okay. A long time ago, like, that was   two years after I started training. I've been third year, I was like, oh, first principles like, okay,   there's different muscle fibers in the body. Yep. What is the gastrocnemius   versus your,   biceps? You know, they fire in different ways, but different type of muscle fibers, then you'd want to do this type of red range and all of that. I remember doing that, and it came,   like, naturally in a easy way. I wish I could apply that same concept onto   very intelligent investing.  

I was investing and doing things just gut feel on. I think this looks pretty cool, and I I think this is going to be a good word. This might not work out if I was kind of first principle thinking on,   let's just take real estate, for instance, right? And you could have been like, okay, well,   with the large inflow of people coming out, like what   normally   dictates pricing of of housing, housing. Okay, well, it's home values and then,   you need essentially to house people. And so it's probably the concept of how many people are in a particular area that influences the price. Then it goes into, well, what's a constriction on space? You know, can you just build out a house basically next to it and next to it and next to it and next to it and that doesn't increase the price. But if there's a natural constriction to the area, then you're gonna have price valuation go up because you can't extend the particular living area and then all those sort of things. Mhmm. I didn't think about it that way when I was younger. Absolutely not. I can say those things down because I've started to do them in other ways.   That would be the advice. More more first,   first principle thinking. And and and kind of what I wouldn't have said this is advice to my younger self because I wouldn't have really, like, understood essentially what the concept was or, like, what that would mean in the next iteration. But it's, like,   think for yourself almost. Think that that almost applies to think for yourself. Whereas I would hear someone someone say, I remember listening to   property podcasts. I think that's what the name of the podcast is. And they would talk about,   we think   that Adelaide is gonna do better because these these things and look, they might have been correct, and they might have gotten all the information and the reasonings for it. But I would, at face value, just be like, yes.  

This is this because of whatever. But I wouldn't actually   put it together in my own thoughts and principles and say, yep,   this equates to what I believe, basically. So more of that would have been a better than nothing. Sure. Sure.  

[00:54:19] Kyrin Down:

I had just one thing here. And then I realized, oh, this probably   can expand more   self improvement,   but of   virtues   of   the things where it's a lot harder to measure. So   when I think of something like honesty, for example, so I'd written down you're a bad eye, a liar and have an expressive face, so I'm told.   So therefore,   leaning into default honesty   in everything   as much as you can would be   not only a practical strategy, but one which is like morally   better   in a sense.   And   probably then applying that to   things like courage,   things like discipline,   perseverance,   you know, some things which I would hold as like   higher values,   those   trying to work on them and self improve on them, even though   they're they're going to be hard to measure and the practicality   of them is going to be   in question, for example. So like, you know, let's say you improve   your your honesty scores or your courage,   your courage stats, you're leveling up. I'm reading,   self leveling,   something like that.  

The anime mango at the moment and solo level is what it's called. And   the doing that in   and not being able to necessarily see   the results of having it's like, yeah, you've now you're current you're now more courageous. How is this going to apply to other areas of life?   It would be a hard sell to my younger self for sure, because the practicality   would be   much more up there for myself in terms of like, okay, well, I'm doing things. I want to see that I'm actually improving in them.   But I think spending the time on them   would have been useful time well spent as well, which would have improved other areas of my life, which would have been harder to see   but   could have saved me a lot of like heartache or   grief or   things like that.  

Yeah. Would be hard. That one would be hard to explain to, to my younger self. Yeah. Because I remember a phase where   I explicitly was like, fuck these things, like   being courageous or, you know, brave or something like hearing advice about that and   trying to apply that to   getting over my anxiety   of talking to women, for example,   or loneliness. Like   it had   zero impact in if anything, I thought it was like detrimental.  

[00:57:02] Juan Granados:

Yes, correct. Yeah. So the other the other hard pill I was thinking was,   and the only way that I could slide it by the my younger self is to say, be strict on yourself, be stricter on yourself, but kind of to others.   And then the kind of others I think would be the this is the bid that I want to that's the advice, that's the influence bid. The the easy endpoint would have been like, yeah, be stricter on yourself because I would have ate that up and been like, absolutely be even stricter,   but   kinder on kinder on others. And I think that's a bit that if I were to reflect back and analyze,   I definitely wasn't in the sense of, again, if I was   doing things, being strict on myself,   I would then expect that from a lot of other people. Should be stricter on others. Yeah, it's like kind of like the the expectation that I had on others was at a particular level. And so I remember when I was working in consulting,   I we had a group of   maybe 10 people, 12 people that were, like, hard workers, right? Working plenty of hours. We got meetings. Mhmm. 9PM at night. Weekend, what up? We're doing the work. Right? Kind of equivalent, like, I would imagine, of people who work in   Tesla or XAI or all those places where they're just working around the clock type of deals to make something amazing happen and working with people who would do that. Awesome. And then I remember the others who wouldn't. Right. And who maybe been in a company for ten years and they wouldn't be working. I'm like, I would have I would have not been one would have hated me. I would not have been I would have been that person be like, you're useless. I gave him away. And enough, like, you know, I got promoted for that. There was good things that came out of it with the work. But if I had to be again, let's reflect back on I remember some of the moments where there was a particular individual member. I used to manage him, and he'd be in the company for ten, twelve years, something like that. And I remember just running rings around this person, and I'd be like, what what are you doing, man? Like, come on. Let's let's set it up. Up. And he invited me to dinner one time to his place,   with his family and the family. And then I was like, nice. We had some food and whatnot.  

At the time, it didn't like it didn't   cross my mental barrier.   But looking at it now, guys, I should have been kind enough in the sense of like, yep, I can be strict to myself and dictate that I need this and this.   But again, there's people who are optimizing prioritizing other things. Wait. So did you go to the to the dinner? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went I went to dinner, Like, met his family. I told him in front of his wife that, like, he's a good dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kids. But, you know, I I if I if I'd booked it and been a bit kinder on others, I might have gone again. You can't dictate what other people will do. And again, go it all the way back to you need to be selfishly and be obsessed about the things you care about and   don't worry about what others are doing.  

There are some small batteries, obviously, if it applies very directly, like if it's your partner   and   let's say, for instance, they're yeah. If it's your partner and you wanna try and but they're like, then I would go go to get drunk and party every night.   Okay. There's something to be said there about some slight differentiations. Maybe you would be kind to that particular person or, you you know, to be kinder in that mindset. There's some, like, leveling to be done. But then for the most part, kind to others kind of applies   beyond the realm of the really close circle where you'd be like, okay.  

Just because I'm trying you're trying with someone who you haven't trained with for two months and you go,   they wanna do a lot less weight or be less strict about particular things or maybe they're not doing this technique right. It's kinda like, it's fine. Like, I don't have to be   annoyed about it and have to try to, like, reinforce something. I just go and be do my things and then be strict on yourself. Kind of know this. But that's how I try to slide that in my younger self. Yeah. Yeah. That that kind of lines up with my current philosophy of,  

[01:00:34] Kyrin Down:

when I do something bad, I could have done better. When someone else does something bad,   they had no choice. It was their destiny to do that. And then vice versa. If I do something good, I had no choice that was going to happen. If they do something good, it's like, yeah, they they made that happen. And that's that's kind of like my my version of that. Yeah. My last one here was   advice.   This isn't really advice. It's pure unadulterated   support and kind of like confidence boosting.   So this probably would have needed   multiple,   you know, like once every six months in my twenties   of meeting a   whether it be   a time traveler car in from the future. And I know it's me or probably even would have even been better if it was someone who I didn't know. And   what was was me.  

The there's a guy in the gym, Leo. I've nicknamed him not my hype man because he he hypes me up. He's every time I go in there, we chat. He somehow drags the conversation back to like, what you're doing is like special. You're like, I really admire like, I watch you at times when you're doing the one arm handstands and stuff.   The meticulous nature of like writing it in the book and things like this.   And when I first when he first was saying this, it was like a little bit embarrassment. Like, shucks, shucks, man. Thank you.   But after like just seeing him repeatedly over   a year now and it's not every single time, but a lot of times he'll he'll say   very similar things to this.  

And   it really is. I have noticed like a tremendous   just like confidence boost from that. Yeah. It makes me feel good and gives me the energy, the willpower to be like, you know what? I can do other things. And   the the hard work I'm being put in for this stuff, even though I'm not doing it for him is is being recognized.   So something like that,   having   kind of   a constant, like, just   a reiteration of that would have been nice.   You know, I,   I don't   know. I think of like you as a parent, for example, is there a way that you can do this because you want your child to have self esteem,   but then you give them too much and they can become a monster. Like you,   you, you praise them too much. They think they're   the praise becomes distorted   and  

[01:03:00] Juan Granados:

ideally you're doing it on on It's a very interesting word you use because that was literally gonna be my my next one. Okay. Yes. I like my answer to that. Yeah. And the advice and almost to the to, like, a kid. And again, this won't be everyone's cup of tea,   but mine won't be like, no. Absolutely.   Become an absolute monster,   uncommon motherfucker   as as much as possible.   And I would say that it's to the point   of, like, yes, there will be some detriments about it. Don't get me wrong. There will be. Man, if I'd given that advice to my younger self and being, like, full permission,   become really uncommon, become like a monster to a lot of people's eyes in the way that you're doing thing obviously a monster in like a bad keep all your values and ethics in a good line. So see what Juan Juan's imagining a monster now he's imagined like this fucking yoked  

[01:03:50] Kyrin Down:

ogre   just just fucking jacked   walking around like  

[01:03:55] Juan Granados:

destroying things. But you can be a monster where you're like a slimy fucking slug. True. It's rolling up the steps and like as weak and shit. Yeah. I'm thinking like monster in the sense of, so for like the advice of my younger self of not be uncommon in the, you know, when people are like, oh, do you, like, do you do you train a bit? And it's like, yeah, I train fucking every day. And I also run and I also play sports and I also like everything just fucking do it again. But be obsessed about the things that you care about to a smart degree.   Again, keeping all the valleys and ethics. So then to the the parent, this is the   my lens and the advance outside is   be as monstrous and as uncommon and possible because it is way easier   to pull back   the monster   and that concept than to push yourself to be a monster. If you have to be lined up against for someone for a competition   or if it is just that you have to go and do something for your family or you have to do whatever whatever the the case may be, It is so much easier to be the monster and have to pull back and restrain   than having to be the one having to get pushed and be like, no. No. No. You have to go and do this. That's a way harder,   aspect to it. Maybe someone's got an experience of the other way around. It's kind of different. I haven't I've always seen it in the   I could be even more uncommon and it would have worked out even better and under the circumstances where okay, you got to turn it down, you got to pull it back.  

Easier to build that skill set than it is to build a skill set of fucking going like, at it really hard in whatever it is that you're doing. So, yeah, for my kids, I'd almost be like, no. Build them up to be   uber confident,   ultra, like,   loud.   My wife does agree to this. Like, ultra boisterous.   Be loud.   Like, be your own self because at least you can pull that back. You can pull that back and become a little bit online with more conversations.   But get it, but if you don't have that to get to be like that is a fucking journey. That is a hard hard journey to get there. Yeah. Because you will be because you will be   pushed from the world to not be like that because the world does not want you to be uncommon. They just want you to fit in line.  

The line I heard the other day was kind of like,   it's not so we haven't experienced   this. Friends, we have have experiences. And it was it was something that   someone in the park was saying it's like, not until your dad dies. Do you realise that's like the only man   that actually wanted you to be better than them. And if you kinda, like, sit with that and that could apply for, like, females and stuff, I don't know if it applies for females. It's very rare that you're gonna come across   other humans who are, like, oh, yeah. I really want better for you. Most generally, if you really look underneath for people, I I don't think people wanna if   if maybe in the inner circle, you would want that.  

But in general, just humans, you probably don't want random Joe Blow down fucking on the other side of the street if you if you kind of cared about it, you know, to be doing better than you. Right? Just straight up status games, humans go back to evolution. You don't want that. Right? And so that concept of if you're the   real, like, lowest level and you have to get up to the, like, up the ranks,   general   human way of being is you gotta be like, there's a push to keep you down. But if you just   naturally have just this aspect of yourself, they're like, no. Fuck it. I wanna, like, push that absolutely highest levels, whatever that means and whatever concept.   It's a little bit easier to then bring you down because naturally you can very easily do that. So I guess that's, that's that concept. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That really ties in against  

[01:07:22] Kyrin Down:

with the kind of extroversion  

[01:07:24] Juan Granados:

introversion book I'm reading with. Here's a concept. So like I'll give you again, people people are gonna think this is like maybe maybe well, but if my daughter, apparently my my oldest daughter, she was like, I like running and she goes like, I really want to run, right? Oh, I want to be a runner. But I'm six years old. I just say, and I would be like, there would be a part of me and going like, cool, let's just have a look at what the training might look like. Okay, it's like three days a week and whatnot.   I would   look to and again, this is a very hard thing, but look just how do you support them to be like, okay, not just be doing the thing that like a six year old might do. But what is like that next level, and then the level beyond that, and then the really uncommon level and going like, Okay, can you get obsessive enough to get to those levels and   forming a path of being like, Yeah, I want to push those levels, not because   that will win me the 100 meter race, that will win me the marathon, or that will make me better from my bone density perspective, which all those things are true, but just purely in the how much better can I get? And you have to become a bit of a monster to do that. You have to become really selfish to do that. And you have more opportunity to do that when you're younger than you are older. I don't think it really applies to a 78 year old who's got grandkids. And if at that point, they're like, Oh, no, you got to be more of a monster and like, just become really good at these other things and then   get rid of all these other   people who say responsibilities and whatnot. It's like, I just think you care about you don't care about that anymore. There's other things that you care and rightly so about your grandkids and maybe   the future with your wife, whatever, whatever. But when you're younger, you don't have those things. So you can care about just becoming really uncommon. Sure. Yeah.  



[01:08:58] Kyrin Down:

The if you have   we'll see with the,   how extroverted she is already, I wouldn't say she probably is, but you can do   like tests   to find out how like they call it high reactivity   of   when they   are in a new situation, how do they respond? And if she's just kind of like, oh, there's like a fucking scary monster over here, It's Halloween coming up. And she's just like, oh, like looking at it and not freaked out by it.   That's low reactivity, which generally   is like an extroverted type trait, for example. So,   you know,   another daughter, let's say, and she's introverted,   how   you could still try and   get this like monster mentality into them. But   the loud and boisterous nature of it, you know, that could be very detrimental in a sense, because that's like, pushing someone to be something they're not, you know, pushing  

[01:09:56] Juan Granados:

your kid to be up on. Yeah. So that's a bit that that's a bit that I guess from that's why I wanted the advice to be like, be a monster and be uncommon,   but not dictating. And like the other advice I'd give, just become really monstrous and like become uncommon, but not dictating as to like what that looks like. So I think by nature, it's starting to look like my daughter at the moment, Vee, is more on the extroverted and boisterous. Cool. Go for your life.   Second one comes along and she's more introverted, like you say, then I would still be like, be uncommon. Like, you know, if you enjoy   reading and having a Zen Tan, I can triple down, see if you can, like, smash through all of this and, you know, get to a deeper level of understanding all those sort of things you can again, that's why it's like it's not directed at a particular thing. It's whatever as you listen to this, whatever it is that you obsess about and you seem to be naturally good at becoming really in common into that path. Very tricky parenting because, you know, you you try and instill this, but then perhaps the kid takes it as our father's love is dependent on me being monstrous. And it's like, well, what if they what if the nine to five life suits them perfectly, which it does for many people, you know?  

Yes. Tricky. Very tricky. Yeah. I think I think I think in that aspect, you've got to be clear again with with little ones and I guess it would be advised to be like, it's independent. Like love is independent of all these things. Like all of these things are absolutely good. But no matter what, there's like independently   love that comes   from that as well. But, of course, if she doesn't  

[01:11:23] Kyrin Down:

become uncommon, we have to kick her out of the house. So, you know, better better get good quick. Otherwise, I'm gonna have no home. She'll have she'll have to come join me in the losers in the in in the in the uncommon, but not not in one. She'll have to honestly uncommon way. To unfortunately be a a nomad traveling the world trying to become a a different human. I don't know. But, again, if you're listening to this, have you got any other tips, tricks, things that you would wish upon yourself, Your 20 year old? Yeah. I want to hear that as well as anything that people feel guilty about those. Yeah. So sending a message via any of the social media   platforms. Got links down in the show notes as well as sending in a boostgram would be very much appreciated. Correct. Correct. Correct.  



[01:12:02] Juan Granados:

We'll leave that. I don't think there's any comments that came through from the tube No. Today. So we'll leave it there. Me and mortal lights, I hope you're well wherever you are in the world. One out. Goon out. Good most.