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When everything is on the line, ever wonder why some otherwise incredible athletes choke spectacularly?

Why did Michael Jordan consistently sink game-winning jump shots at the buzzer when everyone else was throwing up bricks?

Today we’re here with a veteran coach who’s cracked the code on peak performance.

Itamar Marani has lived through the kind of pressure most people only read about.

Forget the tired mantras about “grinding” harder, training to perform under pressure takes real strategy. If you’re ready to meet the version of yourself that thrives under pressure, get ready to feel uncomfortable for all the right reasons.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur, athlete, or just sick of living with one foot on the brake, expect raw stories, sharp insights, and tools you can put to work instantly. You'll discover: 

• How to identify and overcome the blind spots sabotaging your results
• The art of turning setbacks into secret weapons
• How to perform at max level when it matters most
• And much more...

Find Itamar Marani and pick up his new book: 

• Book: Elite Performance by Itamar Marani - order on Amazon
• Website: ItamarMarani.com
• Podcast: The Elite Performance Podcast - listen on Spotify, Apple and YouTube
• Coaching: The Arena
• Instagram: @itamarmarani
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ItamarMaraniPage/

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[00:00:00] Abel James:

Hey, folks. This is Abel James, and thanks for joining us on the show. When everything's on the line, ever wonder why some otherwise incredibly talented athletes choke spectacularly?   Why did Michael Jordan consistently   sink game winning jump shots at the buzzer when everyone else was throwing out bricks?   Today, we're here with a veteran coach who's cracked the code on peak performance under fire. Our guest is Itamar Morani, former Israeli special forces jujitsu black belt and elite mindset coach. Itamar's lived through the kind of pressure that most people, including me, just read about. Forget the tired mantras about grinding harder. Training to perform under pressure takes real strategy. If you're ready to meet the version of yourself that thrives under pressure, get ready to feel uncomfortable for all the right reasons. Quick plug before we get to the interview, make sure that you're subscribed to the Abel James Show wherever you get your podcasts.   Also, if you'd like a heads up about our next live event behind the scenes bonuses, as well as ad free versions of the show, be sure to check out my newsletter at abeljames.com   and my substack at Abel James dot substack dot com. Look forward to seeing you there. Alright. In this episode with Itamar, you're about to discover how to identify and overcome the blind spots sabotaging your results,   the art of turning setbacks into secret weapons, how to perform at max level when it matters most, and much more. Here's my talk with the unstoppable,   Itamar Morani. Hope you enjoy.  

Welcome back, folks. Itamar Morani is one of the top performance and mindset coaches in the world. He's a former Israeli special forces operative, the youngest federal agent in Israel's history, a Brazilian jujitsu black belt who's competed at a world class level. He helps entrepreneurs,   executives, traders, and pro athletes to break through performance plateaus,   eliminate mental drag, and operate at their highest level under pressure. His clients have exited companies for 9 figures, raised hundreds of millions of dollars, and entered top 10 rankings in the world. Inammar, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Appreciate it.   So that's quite a list of accomplishments and and incredible things you've done in the world. But what actually got you here from reading your book, as I understand, is a hefty dose of failures, especially when you were coming up and young and kind of about to be in the most elite circles you possibly could be in. So tell us where you came from and and how you got here.  



[00:09:16] Itamar Marani:

This is a great question. I would say   my journey has been someone who's been able to kind of wiggle their   selves into a room where they shouldn't be.   A lot of times stumbled and then had to learn how to level up in order to make themselves   be valuable in that room.   My initial failure story, the one that I think you're speaking about is from the military.   So I was, again, fortunate enough to be drafted into the most elite unit in the IDF. So, basically, our version of   Delta Force or Seal Team six, whatever that might mean to you,   it was basically out of the whole country. There were 12 of us that started that training period. And in that unit, it's a twenty month training period just to be qualified as an operative.  

And between month four to six is what they call advanced unit boot camp, which is kind of an eight week version of hell week where you're sleep deprived, you're underfed,   they try to mess with you in so many ways. Like, I lost almost 30 pounds   during those eight weeks despite trying to eat as much as I possibly could during our meal breaks.   And,   basically,   at the very end of advanced unit boot camp at the very last day, it started to rain. And when it rained, our officer came in with a big green. He's a guy to get your gear on. We're gonna have some fun.   And what that meant is we're gonna go on one of these long force marches,   which we never knew how long they were. They're basically jogs with all our gear on. Sometimes it'd be four hours, sometimes it'd be eight hours, sometimes it would be three hours. We'd come back to base. They'd tell us to get our gear off. We'd sit down, and they'd be like, alright, guys. Back up. Put your gear on, and let's go again.  

And it would be a way to kind of mess with you psychologically.   And while there were some things that I excelled at in the military at that point, leadership drills in Krav Maga,   the physical endurance stuff,   I was lagging. Both because, honestly, physically, I wasn't there and also mentally.   My resilience just wasn't up to that par yet.   At a certain point during this run, I started to fall a bit behind. We're going up a hill.   And the officer came next to me and he said, Itamar, you alright? I said, yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. He's like, Itamar, are you sure? And I was like, yeah. I'm good. He said, Itamar, why don't you grab a seat on the truck for a second, catch your breath, and then rejoin us? I said, no. No. I'm fine. Said, Itamar, go to the truck, Grab a seat. Cast your breath, and then rejoin us.   And in a bit of a, you know, tired, delirious kind of haze, I said, okay.  

And I sat on the truck.   And that was basically the moment that I got kicked out of the unit.   And there was no, you know, like, paper for me to sign or a big ceremonial bell for me to ring.   They came up to me the next morning under kind of a clear skies. The officer said, EMR, we're kicking you out for self secession.   When you were given an opportunity, you succeeded to a weakness in your mind, and you're not fit to be here.   I wish you the best of luck. You're gonna trickle down to a tier two special forces unit. There's like no animosity in his voice. It was just clear, like, you do not meet the standard here.   Best of luck to you.  

And that was my first, I think, big failure in life period   where I recognized,   I need to figure this out. This wasn't good enough, so to speak. And it was also a very heartbreaking one. Like, as an 18 year old, that was   I thought I was elite. That was my whole status.  

[00:12:28] Abel James:

Can I ask real quick just about the situation? Because I was curious about a few more details. Like, did you see anyone else do that before you did? Or, like, what percentage of you knew   that that could be a possibility?  

[00:12:40] Itamar Marani:

So we knew ahead of time that in these kind of units, only about half the people or let's say about 40% to 50% of the people that start actually finish.   So it's expected not everyone's gonna finish. There's a big, big filtration process before that. So before you join the unit,   they're basically   and the way it works in Israel, at least the way it worked back in my day, was that   everybody who's eligible to go to special forces,   they go through a bunch of psychological tests, very basic ones and physical ones. Then there's a giant one day trial for all the 18 year olds in the country to be able to say, if you pass this one day trial, you can go to the five day trial.   And out of that five day trial, then they take what ends up being about   a thousand people, and they whittle it down to 12.  

And then those 12 start, and you know you're probably gonna finish around five, six, maybe eight if it's a really exceptional class. Like, it's not about specific numbers, but the reality is that most people don't meet the standard.   So while we knew that was always a possibility,   at that point, honestly, I just didn't think about it. I think also the   initial success that I had that I was put into leadership positions during the combat drills, the firing drills, and all that,   it   foolishly   gave me a sense of permission that I could maybe coast a little bit.  

[00:13:59] Abel James:

Gotcha.   But because, like, self preservation   becomes a valuable skill down the road, but you're not, like, testing for that young   mostly. Right? This sounds like a test of   be the last man standing kinda no matter what.  

[00:14:15] Itamar Marani:

It's not be the last man standing. It's more so,   are you willing to go beyond what your mind is telling you no?   Like, truthfully,   if I had to gun to my head, I would have been able to keep on that march.   And   I did not do that. And I was given an opportunity to take it out, and I took it. That younger version of myself took that out.   And because of that, they're like, okay. Where you are right now,   you're not fit to be here, and that's why we're kicking you out of the unit. It's like you that's what they call it. Self secession. You seceded   to yourself when given an opportunity,   and that's really what it was about.  



[00:14:53] Abel James:

And at this point in your life, how do you differentiate   that   from self preservation in the sense that, like, for example, I had some advice come to me from a very elite level runner when I had a an injury as a runner in my knee.   And,   I asked him, what what should I do? I've been, you know, struggling with this for a few weeks, and he's just like, run through the pain. Every time, run through the pain. Tried it. That backfired   horrifically. And and this same person also needed a couple of new hips in his thirties. So how do you differentiate the self preservation aspect of having a long valuable   life of service on this earth compared to the kind of just, like, never giving up mentality? Because you have to have both. Right? And you have to balance it.  



[00:15:37] Itamar Marani:

So a great way to think about this is especially when your pulse is high, let's say, running or when things are very challenging, or even say in entrepreneurship, you know, and just you have a challenging time.   In forty eight hours, when everything is calm all of a sudden and you're relaxed,   would you have said that was the wise thing to stop   or not? Because the reality is even five minutes after sitting in that jeep in the truck,   I knew I'd made a mistake. Once it's all like, when I thought I'd be clear because my pulse was down, I knew I made a mistake.   And the same thing here. Like, if you know that, you know what, it is wise to actually take a break from running right now because I'm gonna have to get a hip replacement if I keep doing this, then stop. But if it's like, oh, this is just uncomfortable,   that is a different thing. And for me, I had learned to differentiate. There's discomfort, and then there's actual danger.  

It's kinda like, does this just hurt and is it uncomfortable, or are you actually injured? I was not injured. There was no reason for me to stop.   I just, again, to come to a weakness in my mind. That's what happened.  

[00:16:37] Abel James:

Okay. So let's talk about then from these experiences, you've had a few others where it's kind of like you learned these survival strategies or strategies that got you to the next level that might prevent you from leveling up later. So let's talk about those as it relates to jiu jitsu and and some of your other endeavors.  

[00:16:53] Itamar Marani:

Yeah. So, basically, after I left the military, I   at the very last moment, I was supposed to go to officer school in the second unit, but I decided not to. There are a bunch of changes in the unit that I didn't   wanna be a part of and so on and so on.   And I felt like I still wanted to kinda prove a point that I'm not a failure. And for me,   being an officer or, you know, being beyond just a rank of regular soldier was what would do that. And that's when I decided to apply and try to join the.   The basically, it's our version of the FBI slash CIA, Saddam Mossad, but it's kinda like a hybrid of the FBI and CIA.   And   that's where I had an opportunity to quit. And we talked about this off air where I got rear ended   on the very first weekend of the program, and the program was only open to ex special operations guys. So it was a very elite group. And similarly, literally, in the first part, the first minute basically of the program, once you got accepted,   the officer in charge took us and said, guys, not everyone's gonna pass here. It's just the numbers. I'm gonna do my best to help you all win, but the expectation is that not all of you will finish. Not all of you will graduate.  

So I understood what was on the line very clearly then.   And it was one of those things where after I got rear ended, and I woke up the next morning and I could barely turn my head, you know, like, 10 degrees to the left or to the right,   I had to make a choice.   Am I gonna let this be the reason why I give myself that part of me is gonna tell me, oh, it's okay. You can quit here,   or are you gonna push through this?   And, truthfully, what you were talking about self preservation, I had tennis elbow   after the I finished the program for about a year and a half. And this is a 22 year old. So it's like it's like when you're supposed to recover from everything. And it wasn't tennis elbow, it was a Glock elbow. So it's the same thing. I had so many repetitions of just extending my arms and shooting that my left elbow, which was on the steering wheel, was what got jacked. But, again,   looking back, I was okay with it. It was a sacrifice I was happy to make.  

And that whole chip on my shoulder just like going harder no matter what,   it was helpful   when I didn't need to think, when I just needed to do and go, so to speak.   However,   in jujitsu, like we talked about,   there was a ceiling with it   where it was putting positive pressure on me in a certain way, but it was also putting a lot of pressure on me. And when the pressure of the situation   also got really big,   those two together, that amount of pressure was too much.   And I had this situation where   in Jiu Jitsu, the way the world championships works   is that it's a tournament. It's a pyramid tournament. So you start out usually about 60 people in a division, and you have matches, you win, you advance to the next round, to the next round, to the next round, to the next round. Kinda like tennis for a lot of people. Imagine, like, a playoff, but a single elimination.  

And I would usually crush my matches. My first three, four matches leading up to the quarterfinals, I performed really well.   And then at the quarterfinals,   three times in a row,   I would choke.   I would underperform,   and it wasn't that the guy was just better at me. It's that I was clearly not bringing my best version to the table.   And I didn't recognize it at the time, but there was this weird story I had in my head   that despite my success in the air marshal program, in the shin bet, working undercover, all the accolades that you spoke about,   I still had a story in my head that I am soft and I am a quitter,   that I learned when I was 18,   that I had this hope in me or this kind of need to disprove.  

And I had the story in my head that if I'm the first Israeli to medal at a combat sport like jiu jitsu,   then there's no way I'm solved.   And that pressure of wanting to go harder and disprove that   when it was also combined with the actual big stage of the quarterfinals and knowing that if I win this match, I'm guaranteed to medal,   that's when it proved too much.   And   there's this common mantra. You know, pressure creates diamonds, and the more pressure, the better.   But it's just not true. And it's like there's a certain point where pressure and performance are actually a bell curve   where some pressure can be very positive. It can get you excited. Okay. This is a big deal. Let's focus.  

But when it gets beyond a certain point, that amount of pressure actually creates overwhelm or anxiety and stress and cause you underperform.  

[00:21:17] Abel James:

And that was Same as the caffeine bell curve. I think I think it's very similar. Right? There's a sweet spot.   Boos, like, it's lots of things in life has have this bell curve, and we tend to think like, oh, I'm feeling, like, not quite confident enough. I need more energy. But, actually, you might be too far on the overwhelm anxiety side of that, and you need to dial it back a little bit to get back to that peak state.  

[00:21:38] Itamar Marani:

Anyway, keep going. No. That's very well said. And I think that was   what you're saying here is really what I learned   is that I thought I actually always wanted to put more pressure on myself. That'll help me perform better. Like, okay. Like, let me take that all myself. I take this challenge, that challenge.   But the real breakthrough for me came when, you know, I met a mentor, and he was a very good mentor. Like you said, it was the Mossad's chief psychologist.   And he explained to me this concept of the bell curve, and he was like, you can still go for these really big goals. You just need to modulate your pressure internally and how you perceive the world. Because if you can still go for externally the big things, but by changing how you view them internally, all of a sudden you don't feel as much pressure. And because you don't feel all that pressure, but there's still a lot of pressure from the environment because it's a big moment, you can stay in that Goldilocks zone like you said. We're just at peak performance.   And, like, for me, that was   a big lesson and every kind of, like, culmination of a lot of these lessons, how they came through.  



[00:22:36] Abel James:

I never quite understood it like being a young kid coming up watching basketball. You know, I loved watching Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, and all this stuff, and how some players would just   be   magic on the court during the games. It's, like, didn't really matter. And then as soon as something big happened, they'd be just   air balling everything, like, falling over, completely out of sync. Whereas others, like Michael Jordan, may have started out their careers that way. But it was cool to be able to kinda, like, watch his career as I grew up   because he's remembered as this legend who who was such a clutch player, and these other clutch players. Even NBA Jam, the old games, used to have, like, a clutch attribute. Right? But it wasn't until I got older, like, that I understood, like, what might be going on with that. Right? Because if you're imagining being a player, like, or or you're at jujitsu   and you start off, there are just a few people, like, mom and dad are clapping, some aunts and uncles and some other kids, Then, you know, skip ahead to being a pro baller. You're in a stadium, you know, it's the finals or whatever. It's an arena.  

And the amount of overstimulation   that your physiology is gonna be pulled into because of the novelty and just the extreme   amount of stimulus,   the and the adrenaline, all this stuff. You get that the first few times in life, and I found this as a performer, as a musician, same thing on stage. But then after a while, it's like, it's not new anymore. The novelty has worn off, and your your nervous system you can train for this, or it just kinda happens anyway, and it can be good or it can be bad.   But you do have to adapt for it. So, anyway, looking at, like, Michael Jordan in the end of his career during those finals, just like clutch every time because he had the most   minutes played basically in those big games and kept training that way, but he wasn't built that way. These clutch players usually are not built that way. That comes through some level of experience in training. Right? Yeah. And, honestly, I think a lot of those players, the NBA is, like,  

[00:24:28] Itamar Marani:

imagine how fortunate you are if as Jordan, I think, got drafted when he was 21.   He got to be around probably a 50, 60 year old coach who was experienced with this and and had a whole career. And they had these people that could explain to him, this is still what's going on in your head. Like, you don't need to feel the pressure on these moments. All the theatrics, just do your thing.   And I think that's, like, why I'm kind of envious a lot of the pro athletes. Just the tutelage and the mentorship they get to have when they go into these sports.   It's a beautiful thing.  

And with a lot of these champions, also to kinda go a bit of a different angle.   A lot of times they say once they win their first championship,   then all of a sudden they get better.   Why? Because they don't have that pressure to prove anything anymore. Like, that extra story about the definition of what will this mean if I don't win,   that doesn't exist anymore because they've already won.   And it's like, also, I see this a lot in the That's just basketball like I'm a formula one fan a bit and you see this as soon as somebody starts winning all of a sudden They're just free to actually drive. They're not constantly also thinking what will this mean about me if I don't which is what I experienced   I wasn't focused anymore on the tournament, like, what should be my my next move, what should be my next grip. I was actually focused on what will this mean about me if I don't win. It's a terrible thing to focus on because then I got a big performance.  

And I think probably from your experience as well, like,   it just once you already start doing it, you start doing it well,   you recognize I don't have to fear losing. You can focus on winning.  

[00:25:57] Abel James:

Yes.   And it's kind of like living your life not lying, where you don't have to cover up for all of these stories that are made up playing catch up or whatever and keeping track because you're just showing up and what's true, what was true before was true then, what's true now is true. You're just kind of doing that. And so instead of thinking about the   implications to your identity   that happen in these performance,   type situations, win or lose,   you can just show up and be in flow. And that's the thing that that takes some trickery and takes some time.   But I think it's so cool how you have applied this in so many different areas   of life, military service,   sports, entrepreneurship,   you know, advising and and coaching   some some mutual friends in poker tournaments and that sort of thing. Like, these skills, once you start building them, can really be applied across the board. But oftentimes, you do you can't really do this on your own because it's very difficult to find your own blind spot. So maybe you can talk about that, how even if you intellectually understand some of these concepts and read your book, you still might need a little bit of help from the outside in to get this unbiased   perspective.  

But you also have an exercise for this if you are on your own too, the person x exercise. Right?  

[00:27:11] Itamar Marani:

So I think what you said is the that's the hard part about it. It's kinda like the face on your skin. It's too close. You can't see it, and you just always assume it's there. It's the hard part about our blind spots.   And, also, the hard part is that the hits that you don't see coming are usually the ones that hurt the most, and that's the problem with blindness. Rear ended, man. I'm with you.   Exactly that. It's exactly that. And we get rear ended a lot   with our own mind. And we don't understand what's going on and why we underperform.   Like, dude, honestly, I was such a disciplined individual when I was competing at the world.  

I didn't drink a drop of alcohol for five years. I would always be committed. Like, I didn't have a cheat meal, I think, for, like, two years. I I would be the ultra committed person. I made all the sacrifices necessary, so to speak.   But I just wasn't aware that I kept having these issues in my head. I wasn't aware of it at all. It's like my coach, who was a nine time world champion himself, would tell me at the end of the matches, he's like like, dude, there's something going on in your head. You're better than these guys.   And even though he would tell me that, I wasn't able to understand what that means. I just, like, I just completely went in one ear and not the other, and it just go I would lose at the world championships at five and the Pyramid At Long Beach in California. And I was just trying to find some place in LA to train at eight, thinking like, yay. I'm committed. Yay me. Badge of honor.  

But   the thing is, like, we if we don't understand what's going on in our mind, it's gonna catch us up. The quote that I love the most about this is from Carl Jung. He said that until you   make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fake.   Now going back to, like, what you were saying about that exercise,   just trying to randomly pick apart   what's going on in my head, like, why am I thinking in certain ways,   from what I found, it's not very helpful.   It's why a lot of people just feel like they're wasting time in therapy exploring their past, and it just it doesn't lead to many places.   So what I found, again, both for, like, force being forced to do so for myself and for clients is to actually look in the future.  

So by saying, what do you want to achieve?   And tying that to something very practical like business or it acts as a forcing function to get clarity on what you need to be doing, then you can recognize why am I not doing that. What's holding me back specifically here?   And it forces that truth. It kinda corners your mind. So the person x exercise you would mention is a very simple one.   I can share it straight up or I can kinda share the interesting story I learned to come about this. Which would you prefer? For types sake of the audience.   Yeah. Maybe a bit of both. We got time. A bit of both. Cool.  

So when I was working undercover,   one of the in one place I was working can describe the country. We're working undercover there, and there was an asset at an airport that we needed to protect that day.   At the beginning of the day, we would do these tabletop drills. And the point of them was twofold. One, to jolt us and wake us up a little bit like you're about to go into action, and two is to build the bank of mental answers in our head so that if a situation came about, we wouldn't have to think, but we already have an answer, and we could just action.   And that specific day, my boss who was,   honestly I think the best boss I ever had in the service he came up with a scenario. He said, Idemar, you're here. The asset is here to our right and someone who you're a 100% certain of, a terrorist   to your left is throwing something you're a 100% certain is a bomb, a backpack with it on the asset. What do you do?  

And without much hesitation, I said, I shoot to kill. Confirmed terrorist, confirmed attack, shoot to kill.   And he just looked at me and he's like,   why would you do that?   And I responded and said, I'm the most trained operative on the ground as far as combat.   It's a confirmed terrorist, confirmed kill. He's within my pursuit radius.   Shoot to kill.   He said, Eamon, what's your job here?   And by his tone, I recognized that I should probably stay quiet.   And he said, Yemar, why are we here?   Why would the agency invest many millions of dollars training us and putting us here?   Is it to kill terrorists or to protect Jews and Israelis and their assets abroad?  

And I was like, it's to protect people. And he was like, cool.   So if somebody else   wanted to do that, if that was their mission,   to save people, to protect people, what should they do in this scenario?   I said, if that's someone's goal, they should evacuate the asset first,   then try to throw away the bomb, and then and only then, if there's time,   pursue the terrorist   He was like great now you get it   But the interesting thing was that as soon as he didn't ask me, Idemar What do you do with me with all my defaults and all my training and all my biases and what I know I'm good at? But as if this was someone else's goal,   what should they do? The answer was so clear.  

And it was a really interesting tool of detachment. You know, it's so much easier to give our friends advice than it is to ourselves.   And by simply asking, like, what would I tell somebody else to do in this situation if this was their goal? All of a sudden, a lot of clarity comes about,   and we can figure out what are the correct actions.  

[00:32:19] Abel James:

Yeah. Because our minds are running these these patterns, and they're built in through experience, through trauma, and through all sorts of different things that just happened to us over the years.   Injuries also can kind of build in these maladaptive patterns. And after my car accident a few months ago, I've had to really work on my brain getting out of the kind of   traumatized   fight or flight sympathetic mode   to learn how to be in that parasympathetic   again, getting good sleep, relaxing, and just at default feeling okay or good, as opposed to, like, complete dog crap all of the time.   So I'm curious for you or other people who have   served and been in extraordinarily traumatic situations.  

What are some tools that you could offer to transition back to,   not only civilian life, but, like, a a happy, joyful life or experiencing those moments again,   some level of normalcy   after that trauma? Because everyone goes through it, and it's   we all experience it differently, but it's kind of relative. Right? So we all have to deal with it and clean it up no matter what we've been through, and we've all been through some horrible stuff. So what can you do to help make that transition and reprogram the good patterns   as opposed to the maladaptive ones that just keep on running when you're not aware of them and you keep doing the wrong stuff. Yeah.  



[00:33:40] Itamar Marani:

So I think language is a big part of this.   Instead of thinking, for example, what are good patterns,   to ask what are effective patterns.   Now what that immediately does is you're like, well, effective in what context? And this is what's   important, that you recognize that some behaviors that were really effective or some thought patterns or some habits that were really effective in a previous stage in life. For example, for me, it was hypervigilance   and mistrust. Very effective when you're working undercover. And, you know, like, we also talked a little about this. I had an issue where somebody tried to kidnap me when I was working undercover. Somebody who tried to pretend they were a friend turned out to be a kite operative, and it was a very, very close call.   And in that situation of working undercover, I recognized, okay,   really effective thing to not trust people and to shell the time myself. Really effective behavior.  

The problem was that I didn't  

[00:34:38] Abel James:

context. Right? Like, how could you not learn that deep down? It did.  

[00:34:42] Itamar Marani:

But it wasn't necessary once I got out of the agency and was living a normal civilian life. And beyond not being necessary was actually very harmful   because for seven years, I wasn't able to make any new friends, which is wild.   It was fine until I told an old friend from back home like, hey. I haven't made any friends in seven years. He was like, you probably have a problem, and you should see some help.   And I think that's a big part of the transition. It's just asking,   what is the effective behavior for someone who wants to live the life that I want to live?   And what it does, it also forces you to get clear on what is the life that you want to live.  

And I'm a very big fan of the words not instead of saying good,   bad, or negative, positive, but effective or ineffective   because it acts as a forcing function to really actually help you, and   you have to have clarity on that as well.  

[00:35:31] Abel James:

So what are some ineffective things that people are doing right now that drives you nuts because so many people are doing them but don't know how to correct it?  

[00:35:39] Itamar Marani:

Oh, it's a very broad question.   I wouldn't say things that drive me nuts. Things that   I think are a shame that cause people to waste a lot of energy   is being concerned with things they don't need to be concerned about.  

[00:35:53] Abel James:

What's that, threats?  

[00:35:55] Itamar Marani:

Everything.   Like, all these things where we talked about this, like, before we got on air. But, basically, any information that is not gonna lead to action is just a form of entertainment.   But people have these stories on their head about why they should follow this or that. They should read the news. They should follow the like, the stay in with this WhatsApp thread or whatever it may be. Like, I remember I was in a conference recently,   and we were taking vans to this part of the event.   And one of the guys, like, you know, I have this belief that I have to keep up with the news. And I was like, I would really strongly challenge that belief. If you're not actually dealing with it, I would strongly challenge that belief.   It's a lot of those things where he just had this belief probably ingrained in him. He's also you know, he's a bit older. I think he's in his late fifties, early sixties, that this is something that responsible adults do. That was probably what he learned from his father, that we keep up with world events. This is how you're, you know, worldly and you know really good things, and you're a good person. Right. Yeah. And it's just not effective for the life he wants to live. Like, he was obviously there in this conference because he wanted to expand himself. He wanted to meet great people. He wanted to do something positive.  

And it was just an old wiring   that wasn't actually effective,   and it wasn't something that if you were to, for example, just build a human being and program it with new stuff, he wouldn't intentionally put that in there. But it was already there and was causing damage. So does that kind of answer your question? It feels mission critical at the time. Right? Like, that's the problem. It feels like you have to.   Yeah. And I think that's a big part. It's challenging. Is this all true?   The big sticking point is that when I have conversations with either people I work with or you've   you'll probably see this next time we're in a conference together.  

But someone will say something, and I'll just interrupt them because?   And I'll be like,   Why do I actually need to do that?   And it's interesting because you can see people have to actually snap out of the default patterning   and actually assess, is this thought a worthwhile one that I want to keep?  

[00:37:50] Abel James:

It's very offensive sometimes when I say this, but, like, I often   learn a lot from animal training because we're more similar than we think we are. You know? And and we all know if if you have a dog or a cat, it's like they have a ritual. If you violate that ritual, they go nuts. They don't know what to do. I get caught up in this because I go like, right now, I'm writing my new book about longevity. So I kinda put my important   project in the morning, and I wake up and I do that. But for a lot of my life, it's been music. So I wake up and I play guitar and practice,   or record or whatever it is. Or I wake up and I play piano, and I practice, and I do that. And for a while, I was playing piano during the pandemic, trying to build that skill as an adult. So anytime I woke up and, like, tried to write, it felt so wrong. Like, I couldn't do it. I could barely manage and and couldn't get anything done. And it makes no sense intellectually. That's very silly, but it's because you're emotional   about it. And when you change those comfortable rituals,   your brain goes into a completely different mode, and it kind of starts seeing things again. Now the trick is you wanna activate this mode because you don't wanna get too comfortable. Right? Like, you wanna be ready and open to this new information. So what can people do   to, make sure that once they are able to get into that parasympathetic,   relaxed state again, to not live there all the time and be open to new   information,   levels of challenge, learning,   and growth, because   it can be difficult if you give up that chip on your shoulder   to find where your motivation should come from again.  



[00:39:18] Itamar Marani:

Can I challenge the premise of that question a little bit? Please.   So I think that's a big thing. A lot of times people have this belief that if I, like, go to the chip on my shoulder, I'm all of a sudden gonna be lazy and I'm gonna be a bum.   So   first   off, if changing habits, lifelong habits, decades long habits was that easy,   like James Clear's book, like, there wouldn't be necessary. You just gotta go, just let go of this or that. The reality is that if for a long time you've pushed in life because of that chip on your shoulder,   if you let go of that chip in your shoulder,   just that I would say, like, that momentum, that habit. I wake up early and I study something or I do something that's not gonna magically disappear.  

It's not gonna just go away entirely. That doesn't happen. Like, I I can say this from a lot of data. I've coached a lot of people. It doesn't happen.   The only thing that happens is now you can actually be strategic about it and   not just do something for the sake of proving a point or trying to disprove why you're not good enough or not worthy or why people think you're not smart enough, but you can actually focus your energy on what actually serves you.   So I think that's the biggest thing, recognizing that   the fear like, if you're already a driven individual   and you've been doing driven individual kind of behaviors   for the past decade plus,   letting go of that chip on your shoulder isn't gonna somehow immediately change your behaviors. This doesn't happen that quick.  

And I think that's the big thing. It just does not happen that quick. It's an unfounded fear.   And that's the premise of why is letting Chip and his shoulder go a bad idea. You're not gonna lose that edge.  

[00:40:49] Abel James:

Mhmm.   I agree. And then once you kind of redefine, you take a step back, that eagle eye perspective, you redefine what what you're moving toward,   then you do become comfortable with those new rituals. Like, I became now it feels uncomfortable to wake up and play piano, for example, because I've been waking up and writing the book for so many months now. And that can be good or bad. You just have to notice it in yourself. And also, if you do meditate or kind of   get to that place, however you do, a flow,   realize that those patterns aren't you. You can take that eagle eye view whenever you want to and take control again. But taking the reins comes with a lot of responsibility and most of the conditioning that we're subject to, especially on the modern internet, distracts us and wastes our time. So it can become increasingly difficult to stay effective. So what are some other tools that you've seen people   effectively use to transform their their results, especially in remarkably short time? Because I know you have a lot of those sorts of examples.  



[00:41:48] Itamar Marani:

So I think what you said there is actually that's the golden nugget. You're saying that these behaviors, these patterns, they're a part of you. The biggest challenge to growth is when someone has a fixed identity. This is who I am. This is what I do. Now the reality is that having an identity can give you a sense of stability in the world. But as it kinda works, when you have a lot of stability, you really lack mobility, so you can't   adjust.   And that's a really big issue.   Now the way to overcome that, instead of saying I am the kind of person who does I'm the kind of person who just plays piano or I'm the kind of person who just writes a book.   If you can say there is a part of me   that gravitates to doing these kind of things, then you can recognize I don't have to just listen to that part of me. There's a reason, like, the book is called elite performance,   the system to win the war within and achieve audacious goals.  

You have to win that war within.   Now recognizing that you have the power to win that war within. You're not just defined. This is not just who you are, but there are different parts in you.   That's all of a sudden when you get to put be put in a position of power   where, like, the I think the person you're talking to and, again, he's been public about it for Reid, where he jumped at a tenth in the world in the poker. Yeah. It it wasn't all of a sudden recognizing, okay. Like, how can we make you a really good player?   We just recognize, okay. What is the part of you that sometimes gets really tripped up and so I was trying to revenge play or just go hyperaggressive?  

And how can we recognize when that part of you, not you, but that part of you, is starting to pop up? And how can we control and mitigate that part of you? So that the wiser version of you, the one that's calm, strategic, and knows how to play really well, how can he show up when it counts?   And I think that's the biggest tool. If you can understand that it's not just who you are, but there are parts of you that act up, There is, for example, like, on a very basic level. There's your amygdala, which is probably that lower level you, like how Dalio called it in principles.   And that part is not effective. It is very emotional. It's very reactive,   and it's not gonna serve you. And there's also your more human part,   your prefrontal cortex, that evolved part that can actually think strategically.  

And if you can recognize how can I make sure that I'm not just acting from that lower level me, that's when you can really win that war? And just that awareness that you have a choice here, I think that's the biggest first step for people.  

[00:44:04] Abel James:

Yeah.   I love the Fareed story too. Maybe you could talk a little bit more about,   monkey mode versus lion mode, I think it was, where basically we we can all relate to this,   whether you play poker or not.   If you're playing any sort of game and and someone does something that gets the better of you or tries to trick you or whatever, you can't help but have that emotional   reaction. But if you wanna be an actual, like, very good poker player, you need to get away from that feeling and above it as quickly as possible and regain that composure you're talking about. So maybe we can dig into that story a little more. Yeah. So I'll say this. A big part of it is, though, it's not getting away from that emotion. And this is the big trick. Sometimes before, something I need how do I get over this emotion?  

[00:44:45] Itamar Marani:

What if you can have that emotion, feel that feeling, and then not listening to it?   Because a lot of times what happens, we feel a feeling. We think this is what's gonna dictate my behavior. I feel angry. I should do something.   The big thing is if if we can feel a feeling and recognize that's just that lesser part of me, and we'll get into that. But, like, Fareed's a monkey man. This is just monkey man trying to get riled up, but I don't have to listen to him.   That's when I was telling you, you're not being held prisoner by your emotions.   So   Fareed, we met through the community that you and I met in as well, and he basically reached out to me. And he said he wants to have, like, a really big jump in Vegas this year.  

And   we said, okay. And I didn't have   pretty much any experience with the world of poker at that time. Like, I knew what bluffing was, and that was basically it. I didn't know any technical understanding of what it was. And we understood   enough, actually, to to do the coaching that you kinda do. Like, that's enough. Yeah. But I I didn't know all the nuances of the game and, like, when our breaks, how to final tables look, and so on and so on. But we basically figured out that he had everything in place to   have some really big wins.  

It's just that sometimes in the final   tables, he would go on tilts. Like, and he would be emotional.   And so we created this peak performance protocol for him on the very first call. He said, like, how can you just know when you're in an emotional state or if you're in a logical state?   Now like you said, like, that's very hard to be like, am I being emotional right now? I'm being logical right now. Is it it's hard for us to grasp what that means.   So we just put a simple container in it. And we said, what are you gonna call that lower version of yourself? It's emotional that sometimes wants to, like, you know, rage play or revenge play, whatever it may be. He said, oh, I'm gonna call that monkey man. Like, cool. Is that clear? Is that a visual for you that you can latch on to? He said, yes. Okay. How can we call that wise version of you? And he said, I'm gonna call that lion mode.   And we came up with this whole process of how can you know   when your monkey man is about to pop up?  

And I'm happy to share with the listeners. Basically,   it's called the ABC triangle.   So a is affect. How do I feel when I know I'm starting to get a bit emotionally compromised? For some people, like, for me, it's aggressive. When I notice myself feeling a bit more aggressive than usual,   that's because, again, that that part in me, it's starting to get a bit riled up. For some people, it's anxious. For some people, it's nervous.   So what is that a, that affect? How do you feel?   Then b is body behavior. What is a warning sign that you're starting to get emotionally compromised?   Like, for me, I know that I'm starting to get emotional   when I can feel, like, my jaw clenching or my nostrils starting to That's mine. I'm getting a risk. Yeah. Yeah. For some people, you know, it's like they feel their foot kinda tapping or they feel this heaviness in their chest or, like, something in the back of their neck or, also, physically, they all of a sudden get these cravings.  

They just notice, I'm starting to want some food or wanting to, like, have some drugs or a drink or coffee even, whatever it'd be, like, my fifth coffee of the day.   It's these warning signs that these aren't things that help you, but they're just kind of, like, you need something to soothe yourself a little bit.   And finally, c is the cognition. What is your self talk?   So a lot of times, like, Fareed would say, like, he would notice that somebody would bluff him, and then his next stop would be like, f this guy.   Instead of, what will be the next smart move to do in this poker hand? Which again is kinda like it's not focused on the right thing. And so we're able to recognize once he notices any of his specific warning signs, that's monkey man starting to pop up. And we have a protocol on how we can stop monkey man from taking over, put him in the back seat of the car, so to speak, and go back into line mode, and have line mode make the decisions.  

Now the important thing is that we didn't find a way for him to not feel the feelings anymore and to get rid of them or to become fully confident. But he's like, how can you feel this but not let these feelings end up dictating your behavior?   And because he was disabled through that, that's why he had those giant winnings and he jumped in the rankings.  

[00:48:31] Abel James:

I love that. I'm nowhere near the poker player that someone like Fareed is. But when I was younger, coming up and just getting out of school in college and then working in consulting, I was playing a lot of poker with work friends and that sort of thing. So reading Fried's story and then talking to him was so funny because, like, that was my exact strategy.   I was the adversary. Right? I was the one who would try to put the other person into that place by just, like, messing with them a little bit. Like, I was decent enough to just kind of do that. And then once they're in their mode, that's when I would   completely take them   down. So it's   kind of outrageous to think that someone like Fareed can get that far and still   kind of, like, struggle with that. So I think the point of this story is that, like, even if you're at an extraordinary level of ability,   there's still weak spots   that will pay enormous dividends,   by working on them and focusing on them, especially when you look at training for peak state, because that applies to   every aspect of your life. You know, if you're talking about Eastern Daoism and Zen or whatever, this is Buddhism. Like, this is what you aspire to do and bring to day to day life. So I love how it can show up in Eastern, Western ways.  

You don't have to think about it as being spiritual, but it often becomes that way when you try to approach mastery. But anyway, what are some of the other ways that you train for   resilience in a world that's that's constantly kinda conditioning us to be comfortable and and soft?   What are some other things that you can do in day to day practice   to make sure that you're,   practicing the effective rituals that you need?  

[00:50:05] Itamar Marani:

I don't know if it's a specific action, but it's a specific reminder   that this is supposed to be hard.   It's like I had a friend who was a fitness,   trainer, and he said that one of the things he always tells his clients before they take a big lift, he's like, alright. So this is going to be hard. It's supposed to be hard, but that's why you're here.   And I think it's a big thing. A lot of times with resilience is   when we don't expect something to be hard, that's when we falter. So imagine, like, for example, you know, like, me and you were just walking down the street. All of a   sudden, you feel like your body gets really cold. Your skin is turning red, and you see these kinda, like, prickles and, like, these goosebumps in your skin. You'd be like, well, something's wrong. I think I need to go to the hospital, and you get terrified. Because there was something's wrong. Something feels a bit uncomfortable.  

But it would be like, Abel, we're gonna go to an ice bath time. Okay? There's gonna be a lot of benefits to the ice bath and and expect   that you're gonna get cold, your skin's gonna get red, and you're gonna feel all these prickly sensations.   When that happens, it's still going to be uncomfortable,   but it's not gonna confuse   you into thinking something's wrong.   And I think a big part with resilience is just not getting confused and thinking that something's wrong.   Like, what I wish I would have told I would have been able to tell my 18 year old self, be like, hey. Just the fact that you're huffing and puffing and your lungs are burning right now, it's fine. Nothing is wrong.   It's like you're okay. This is a part of the game. This is what you signed up for.  

And I think a big part of resilience   is this preemptively   accepting and expecting all the hard parts.   So when I start a project, for example, with a is myself or with a client,   beyond mapping out what are the potential downfalls,   we map out what are gonna be all the emotionally hard things that you're gonna have to accept about this.   And I think   by recognizing these things ahead of time so, like, that would be the practice. Whenever you're starting something new, if you can recognize ahead of time what is gonna be all the hard that you're gonna have to accept emotionally, physically, mentally, whatever it may be,   When those things inevitably happen, they don't catch you off guard. And because, like we said, you can brace for that hit, so to speak, it doesn't rattle you. Like, for me, the book and, like, you've written the book. Like, it's challenging. There's a lot of stuff that goes into it. And beyond this is challenges of the book, I knew that my ego would also take a hit. Because, you know what, this year while I focused on that, we purposely closed down some of our programs. And I knew the general revenue is gonna go down a little bit. And even though I knew that, it still was not comfortable to see.  

But I could see a reality where if I wasn't prepared for that,   when it happened, a part of me, that lesser part of me would have been trying to trick me into thinking maybe something's wrong. Maybe we shouldn't do this.   Maybe let's back off the book idea for whatever reason right now.   So I think a big key to resilience is accepting. And, first off, expecting and accepting   all the downsides to something before you start it. Just making peace with that as a part of the process. It's supposed to be hard.  

[00:53:01] Abel James:

Another big part of your book and and your work   is subtraction.   And it's a lot easier, I find, to be resilient   if you've already practiced that subtraction. So keeping a a lower cost of living, if, you know, you wanna write a book and your   revenue tanks as it does every time I write one, you know, before, you know, as I'm writing it. That's that's just what happens. You only have so many energy. Just me, honestly. No. No. No. This happens to everyone. I mean, it's an author thing for for sure.   When someone I I agree with this so much. When someone tells you, like,   here's how it's gonna go. That just makes   everything   so much better on the other side of it. So,   there's a lot to this where   we underestimate   our own capability to perform during the hard times   if we think something's wrong, if we can't see what's on the other end of it. So that's when it's just so useful to have someone who has that experience kind of like telling you what to expect,   reading these books, practicing   some level of of training and self development throughout the course of your life, getting to that that place of clarity.  



[00:54:06] Itamar Marani:

But let's talk about some of the guardrails that you install when you make Before we do that Yeah. Go ahead. Can I add one one thing that you said there? Yeah. One facet to it is, again, I'm saying there's going to be a part of us. And I purposely I would love if the listener only took one thing away from today's episode. So we're gonna need zero is a part of you that is gonna try to trick you into turning around, whether it's because of fear, whether it's because of resilience, there is a part of you. And the more you can stress to start using that language internally when you're thinking about   why am I trying to do something or why am I thinking about not doing it is just to say, wait. I know there's a part of me that's trying to not do it.  

Why is that part trying to trick me, and is it valid to listen to it?   You all of a sudden go to that position where you're not just pulled by your emotions, but you can actually kinda step above yourself and assess what is going on here, and you can be the puppet master.   And I'll hopefully not interrupt you too much, but I would love to help that sink into the listener that if at any point when myself talks, the more I try to stand and think what is going on, what should I do, is I try to externalize into third person.   What should Itamar do? Okay. Why would a part of Itamar resist doing this?  

And the more I've done that,   the easier and cleaner my decision making becomes. I think this is a big part of it. And, again, like, the whole process of, like, we'll talk about guardrails and all that, They're just ways to detach emotionally so you can actually do the thing that will serve you in the long run.  

[00:55:29] Abel James:

No. I love the interruptions, by the way, is one of the good thing that's happened in the past few years since I started the podcast cause connections generally are better. So now we can actually like talk back and forth. It used to be an absolute nightmare. You're always talking over each other. So, no, I appreciate it. I think the, conversations are much better when they can be dynamic like this. So feel free. But it is   a huge thing that I've actually, and my wife as well, Allison, have applied to our lives after reading your book and exploring your work is a non negotiable   date night, like pretty much every week, which we didn't really, you know, we would do sometimes, but then get in, you know, a good pattern of doing, and then it would completely fall off. You know, we'd travel or something would or the pandemic, whatever it was. So what are what are some ways that you can install these guardrails in your life that feel like they might be setbacks or a waste of time sometime? Not necessarily date night, but other things like that, where   they pay off by doing them consistently over time by replenishing   certain types of energy that you don't get from overwork. So, anyway, what are these guard wheels, and how can people apply them to their lives to make sure they're they're getting the best results?  



[00:56:34] Itamar Marani:

Cool. So like we talked about, again, the whole premise of what we're doing here is performance, helping you achieve a really big goal.   Now what's gonna happen, you have clarity, you find the most direct path, and usually, there's gonna be some resistance to, well, I wanna do this, but there's gonna be that part in you again. That part in you is gonna try to tell you why it's a bad idea. We can't go it on all in the business in this focus because what about my relationship? Because what about your health?   And it's these ways that lesser partners can end up winning that war by confusing us into thinking that our most direct path is a bad idea.  

So a lot of ways a lot of times, the simple way to nullify   that voice in your head is just putting a guardrail in place. And our guardrail is basically say, this is something I don't wanna have fall apart in my life. So what is the minimum effective dose that I could put on it? About an effort, amount of energy, and how can I automate that? So for example, if I want to go all into the business, but I don't want my wife and I to lose touch with ourselves, can we just put in the calendar a date night every week? And that if we simply do that, we're like, okay. This is at least at least on maintenance mode.   Or in business, if I wanna stop focusing on marketing so much so I can grow other parts of the business,   what is a certain guardrail I can put in place that would give me the mental permission to not think to myself, oh, this is constantly gonna burn, this is gonna be a big problem.  

What if I can just put in one weekly one on one with the head of marketing, and we create a hyper clear dashboard of all the kpis?   If we simply run through that once a week,   if this in maintenance mode is it good enough at least where I can actually give all my focus to the thing that I need to focus on to create the biggest impact and   that was the big thing like if you have these things not only will it give you more permission to just go all in on what you need to go in and focus,   but it also won't cause things to fall apart, so to speak. And, like, I learned this what we talked about, I think, last time we chatted in person when I was head of security for that billionaire.   And, you know, he had, like, a fabulous life on the outside. He had this half billion dollar mega yacht. That's what I was brought in for, billions of dollars,   But he had a terrible divorce and a nasty one that he went through, and his kids   clearly did not have any affection for him, did not love him   because he just went all in on business, and he didn't protect other parts of his life, the relationships.  

And he had this perhaps story to himself that I'll get to age 60, I'll make my billions, and then everything will work out.   And he didn't. So I think these guardrails are a way to both make sure you don't arrive at that unfruitful end and to also actually help your performance because it gives you the permission to go all in on what matters without worrying about the rest falling apart.  

[00:59:06] Abel James:

It's been crazy befuddling to me meeting a few billionaires who wanted to meet with me and be coached and that that whole thing because   they've got billions of dollars, but they want what I have. It's like,   woah. That's   I mean, I I kinda deep down knew that health is that important, and it is because I've lost it a few times. But it's very startling to see someone who has really   achieved the most success that you possibly could in a lifetime of work   in financial terms. And then,   as you said, you take a look at the rest of their life, and you're like, oh,   good god. I would not wanna be in this person's shoes.  



[00:59:45] Itamar Marani:

Interesting. You said because that's always what I would think when I was still working with him. I was like, if we could literally swap bodies, so to speak, and I would be in his shoes. I would own the mega yacht, all that, and I would not wanna change places because you could tell you it's such a miserable existence.   It's, like,   just not worth it.  

[01:00:03] Abel James:

Yeah. So I think that's a a good,   you know, theme that things aren't always what they appear to be from the outside in. And so that's also true with our internal lives. We play tricks on ourselves and and have to really intentionally make sense of our lives and the maladaptive patterns and and figuring out what our,   goals are. What are a few more stories, client stories that you could share in the few minutes that we've got left? Because there are so many good ones.  

[01:00:29] Itamar Marani:

So   I'll share it with a bit of a concept. So one of the things we talked a lot about was pressure. Now what I've noticed is that there's usually three main ways that people react to pressure, like, tone driven people, especially the entrepreneurs,   is just three distinct patterns that they fall into, and these are pressure responses, not logical behaviors.   So, again, to put an age of this so people can clearly identify it, we we called it one, the go harder guy, the mister nice guy, and the prove you wrong guy.   So for some people, the moment they feel a lot of pressure and they start getting a bit emotionally compromised, that lower level self of them, that part of them starts to ping up,   their response to everything is to go harder.  

So one entrepreneur that I work with, I don't remember the the fake name we gave him in the book,   but, basically,   he was someone who would always go hard. He was very driven entrepreneur, very successful,   but we basically met at a pool at a conference. And the way we connected   was that we were in a circle, and he was purple belt at the time. And he was saying how every time he trains, his back just gives out.   And he said, yeah. But I wanna I think I need to keep training to get my black belt, and I just asked him why.   And I think he didn't expect that. From a black belt, he thought I would tell him absolutely keep going, grind through, go.  

And it challenged his assumptions of what he should do. And in our first coaching session, I was like, okay. So, like, walk me through your day.   Said, okay. I wake up at 3AM,   and, basically, I get a lot of work in, then I go to the gym at five. And then it's the rest of, like, my deep work in and meetings with day. At 11AM, I'm pretty burnt out. That's it for the day.   Said, okay. And then days where you can't work because your back has given out is, like, I work from my couch until I can't really, like, move anymore,   and then I kind of take a Valium or whatever it may be and just need to relax.  

Now   the thing is he was already very successful. He had sold a very big brand   to to to another brand that anyone listening to this podcast would be familiar with. He made a lot of money from it. But because he was always going so hard on everything, he was always operating only 60% of his capacity.   And it was this default where you didn't recognize that him just constantly going hard. Yes. Like, it was great when he just started. He had no leverage. He had no team. But now he's actually limiting his ability   to actually see the lay of the land   So we put certain rules in place on how to mitigate that go harder response for example He was not allowed to leave bed before 05:30AM   I don't care if you're awake you need to stay in bed And shockingly, after a couple days, he just started sleeping until 05:30AM because his brain recognized there was no way out of here.  

And we also put in certain guardrails, certain rules in place so that he couldn't   just keep going hard and needlessly. And for him, the really great thing was that   this happened. I wanna say about two years ago, there was a major major   algorithm update   for the SEO stuff. And because he was actually at a 100% and went rested,   and he also wasn't stressing   his team out because he was constantly going hard,   everyone was in a good place. And they really capitalize on market opportunities, and he six x's business pretty much in a month because he was able to jump on that opportunity.   So that's the first person. They'll go harder guy when the reality is, again, like, being able to go hard, it's amazing thing It's a superpower like when you need   to But when you're not doing that strategically, and it's just an emotional response like somebody feels uncertain I want to do more and it's not what again going back to example You would recommend somebody else to do then it's not serving you. It's actually compromising you   So that's one story with the go harder guy   The mr. Nice guy is a story about Ben so he actually gave us permission to use his real name so when I met Ben   he was   a virtual CFO, and he was doing around 5 k a month in consulting services.  

And he basically was this classic person who just wanted to help a lot of people, and he would really sacrifice himself for the benefit of others.   And at a certain point, we recognized   your behaviors of trying to help others   without having it be a win win   is just not effective.   And we again asked, what would a consultant with your exact skill sets do if you wanted to make a lot more money?   And he said, he would stop helping these smaller businesses and actually focus on 7 figure businesses and up.   And be like, great, and how would he deal with them? What are the specific things that someone like this who wasn't worried about being nice and how people would think about him, but is just worried about making big win wins, what would they do?   And we nail those in. And within a very short amount of time, he was up to 40 k a month.  

And then within about, I wanna say three, four years since our initial coaching, he'd actually moved on to being a business owner. And he bought a portfolio of businesses and now he's like an 8 figure portfolio.   And again, his gift that he honed in was that he was able to create really good relationships and people really liked him.   But when he also added to that, the ability to say no and not again focus on making sure people liked him, but instead, actually focusing on only win wins. And that was his rule, kind of his his safeguard to make sure he's not just being too nice, but he's actually being effective.   That's when he was able to grow.  

So for a lot of people in there that, like, feel like they're the mister nice guy, it's not healthy. At the end of the day, it's like it's just an emotional excuse. You're   going for what feels comfortable that everyone will like me and everyone will think well of me instead of what will really serve you in life. And usually, what that also creates is pent up resentment.   Like, with the mister nice guys, what I usually see is that there's some kind of blow up in their relationships,   whether that's their business relationships with so much resentment, they feel unappreciated that they blow up a partnership   or in their romantic relationships where there's big breakups because they're tired of sacrificing themselves   because they over sacrifice themselves and they never actually asked for what they wanted.  

So that's the mr. Nice guy.   And the final archetype, the prove you wrong guy, this is also   a classic one,   is well, the story   about again, I don't remember the the fake name that we gave this individual, but it's called Theodore.   Theodore had a pretty challenging childhood,   and the only way   that he learned in a really big family   to get, let's call it, praise or attention from his   stepfather was by doing things that were tremendously hard and complicated on the farm.   And   what he'd learned from there, again, like how we talked about earlier about the stories in our head, is that the only way for me to get affection from people in life or to be seen is to do things that are very complex and intricate.   And   That created a lot of you know like fuel in him to prove his worth to prove how capable he is   The problem was that instead of focusing on what is the path of least resistance to a goal He would end up emotionally being focused on how can I prove how capable I am so people can see me and he wasn't aware of this   and he had this track record of being really really good at going from zero to one? So he'd build these businesses out of nowhere and they would do really really well   And then when we get to the stage where, okay, like, something is working, we just need to automate this and repeat it and just do more of it, he couldn't do that   because that wouldn't answer that emotional need of how do I prove that I'm so smart and capable.  

So for him the big shift was again, we just figured out you have to ask the default question.   What is the easiest shortcut to take in order to achieve this goal? Now what will make you feel like really smart and really capable, but what would be the easiest and most effective shortcut somebody else could take to achieve this? And   because of that, all of a sudden, again, his agency basically three x. He was able to take out more than 200 k of profits per month out of the business, something that he'd never reached anywhere close to that before.   But more importantly, like, he said he's finally happy now because he's not just focused on that emotional spiral of trying to prove people, but he can just do him.  

So as a couple stories and a couple patterns, I think that's the big thing. Like, I myself know that I still fall into the go harder pattern.   Like, what we talked about earlier. I used to be the prove you wrong guy. That was a big thing. I just wanted to prove that chip on my shoulder from that failure,   and I worked that out of my system. But, again, I still have the habit of, like, because of that, I went really, really hard. I just learned to go really, really hard.   So now I have certain forcing functions in life that   force me to not that don't enable me to just   go on emotional tilt and just go hard for the sake of going hard, but I only do it when it's strategic.  

And   when we're talking about the context of performance, having those things in place, it is very, very helpful.  

[01:09:01] Abel James:

Yeah.   Just if I may, there's another piece that I just I love this advice, and it's something that I learned   young. Do what your future self will thank you for and be proud of.   Kind of a silly aside, when I was young and and silly and playing a lot of music and often being   paid, at least partially, in booze, I'd come home and and be a little sloshed, and usually the house would be a mess or whatever. And so I'm, like, not quite ready to sleep and got a good buzz on or whatever.   And we just clean up everything. That way, you know, it's so, like,  

[01:09:36] Itamar Marani:

all of the surface this is not something I normally do. Young dudes, the opposite of my life.  

[01:09:41] Abel James:

It was very strange. I don't even know why. I think I just had to one time   because some are you know, I was just having people over the following day or something. Didn't wanna be embarrassed. Whatever it was, the first time in heaven, I I didn't remember when I woke up. I was expecting it just to be a giant mess. I woke up just like pristine countertops everywhere, and, like, all the laundry's done. And I'm like, thank you, drunk self. Like, I'm so glad   that you did this because   hungover self is not as likely to be cleaning up as that. But anyway,   the applying   that principle of you may not be in the best place, you may be a little bit bored or   not understanding what's what's going on in life. That doesn't mean that you can't do the things that are going to make you feel excellent later, that are going to serve your future self. And so often, we get caught up in TikTok trends and scrolling and kind of this fear based reactive state. We're too busy to,   take that step back and intentionally plan   our lives, our futures. What are we striving towards? What do we actually wanna build here?  

In in a time that's often much shorter than we'd expect or like to be on this Earth, like, let's up the stakes for, like, what we're doing here. Stop scrolling your life away. What do you wanna build?   That's such a huge   set of questions   and and things to contemplate that, to me, were prompted by your book and interacting with you. I,   would recommend that everyone out there take a good look and a good read as well. So, Itamar, what is the best place for people to find your work, your book, and what's coming next?  

[01:11:10] Itamar Marani:

First off, I appreciate it all.   The best place, if you go to the website, itamarmarani.com,   that's itamarmarani.com.   You'll probably have that in the show notes below as well somewhere, and you can find everything there, whether it's about the book. Also, we're doing a special giveaway, a raffle as part of the book promotion where if you just buy the book for 99¢ on Amazon, which we're purposely doing for the ebook, the lowest price possible, you can enter a raffle and to actually win one on one coaching with me. And this is not kind of like a a fake value, you know, marketing money, but people actually buy it. Like, we've talked about this before a year ago. Like, I work with people for 6 figures with the one on one, and there's also lower engagements as one on one. We're giving one of those packages away for free as just a way to help promote this book. So you can join that as well. Aside from that, as a podcast listener, we also have our own podcast called the Elite Performance podcast   where   we don't just talk about random theories, but we actually break down the steps you can take to overcome specific blocks and achieve more. And also, we're very fortunate to have a lot of the clients that I've worked with actually come down and share their own experience.  

So instead of me just saying this is a general thing that kinda works, works, they're like, this is where I was in my business. Now we got to here. This is the multiple we made. These are the specific blocks that I had, and this is exactly how we solved them. So if this is resonating with you, do this exact game plan, and it will work.   And that's basically it.  

[01:12:35] Abel James:

Amazing. Intermar, thanks so much for spending time with us here today. Thank you for having me. Appreciate it.   Hey. Abel here one more time. And if you believe in our mission to create a world where health is the norm, not sickness, here are a few things you can do to help keep this show coming your way. Click like, subscribe, and leave a quick review wherever you listen to or watch your podcasts.   You can also subscribe to my new substack channel for an ad free version of this show in video and audio. That's at ablejames.substack.com.   You can also find me on Twitter or x, YouTube, as well as fountain f m, where you can leave a little crypto in the tip jar. And if you can think of someone you care about who might learn from or enjoy this show, please take a quick moment to share it with them. Thanks so much for listening, and we'll see you in the next episode.