Women's Hour

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Originally broadcast on: http://radiosoapbox.com Radio Soapbox

Women's Hour broadcasts live every Sunday at 7:00p.m. uk time. 

Good evening, listeners! This is Shelley Tasker, your host of Women's Hour on radiosoapbox.com. Today is Sunday, 7th July 2024. We have an enlightening episode for you with two incredible guests. Our first guest is Kate De Costa, a health coach from Rhode Island, New York. Kate shares her personal journey of overcoming severe digestive issues and undiagnosed food sensitivities that manifested as PTSD, anxiety, and bipolar 2. She discusses the profound impact of gut health on mental well-being and offers practical tips for improving gut health through diet and lifestyle changes. Kate also touches on the benefits of probiotics, fermented foods, and the importance of reducing inflammation in the body. Check out Kates website here   https://integratewithkate.net/
Our second guest is Deborah Kilby, an author, healer, and spirit baby medium. Deborah shares her deeply personal journey of experiencing multiple miscarriages and the loss of her daughter, Rosa, at 16 weeks. She explains how these experiences led her to discover the world of spirit baby communication and healing. Deborah now supports women on their challenging journeys to motherhood, including those who have experienced baby loss and birth trauma. She provides insights into the spiritual aspects of conception, the connection between mothers and their unborn babies, and the healing power of understanding the bigger picture behind loss. Check out Debras website here  https://debrakilby.com/

Don't miss out on this episode filled with heartfelt stories, valuable health advice, and spiritual insights. Tune in to learn more about the profound connections between our physical and spiritual well-being.


In addition to our inspiring guests, we also have a life hack segment from Jo Wood, who shares tips on making a ginger lemon tea and a matcha green tea drink, both beneficial for gut health and weight loss. Stay tuned for more fascinating stories and practical advice on Women's Hour.

[00:00:54] Unknown:

Good evening, ladies, and perhaps a few gentlemen out there listening.   This is Shelley Tasker. I'm your host of Women's Hour   coming from Radio Soapbox dotcom. It's good to have your company.   Today's date is Sunday, 7th July   2024.   Happy Sunday, people, wherever you are.   It's good to have your company. I've got 2 great guests lined up this evening.   1st guest is Kate De Costa,   and Kate is a health coach, and she's from Rhode Island in New York. And we're gonna be talking about gut health and the mental   side effects it has, and we're gonna get into a deep conversation. Good evening, Kate.   Good evening. How are you today, Shelley? I'm good. Thank you. How are you, my lovely?  



[00:01:37] Unknown:

I'm good. I'm good. Can't complain.  

[00:01:40] Unknown:

I love the American accent. I just love it.  

[00:01:43] Unknown:

And I was thinking the same thing about yours. Oh my god. I just just could listen to you all day.  

[00:01:48] Unknown:

Oh, bless you.   So tell me a bit about yourself, Kate. How did you get onto this journey of gut health   and stuff?  

[00:01:57] Unknown:

So when I was in my,   twenties, in my late twenties, I had some major digestive   issues   and,   went to the doctor, and the doctor couldn't figure out what was going on. And he referred me to a gastroenterologist   to see,   what the deal was, and I   he couldn't figure out what's wrong either. I thought maybe I had celiac, but that wasn't the case. And,   then I spoke with 1 of my sisters after,   you know, some time of, you know, having   really bad digestive issues, like running to the bathroom and being seriously bloated and looking like I was 6 months pregnant. My   sister,   explained that she had gone through something similar a few years before that, and that she had,   food   sensitivities.  

And they're a little bit different than food allergies and that, you know, you don't have that anaphylactic   reaction, but you still have an immune response. So,   I was like, Reading up on it on the Internet, it was like, oh, you can get, you know, sinus pressure,   sinus infections, bronchitis,   you know, hives. You can get skin rashes like psoriasis, and so I'm like, wow. This is my this is my life.   So,   I I didn't wanna pay, the money to have the food sensitivity test done because it wasn't covered by insurance.   So I did an elimination diet,   and that,   really eliminated,   a lot of my symptoms. And surprisingly, it also eliminated   my   symptoms that I had of   PTSD,   anxiety, and bipolar 2.  

Because when I was 21, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, and   come to find out it was just   undiagnosed food sensitivities that the symptoms were manifesting   as,   you know, neurological  

[00:03:57] Unknown:

issues. Wow.   Yeah. I would never have thought, actually. I know it can cause a lot of problems, but not to the extreme of, like,   well, what you just said that you had bipolar.  

[00:04:08] Unknown:

Yeah. Yeah. And, because,   you know, the inflammation in my body   affected the the my brain and stuff. And so, you know, when I would have wheat or corn or oats, I would   the inflammation. My joints would get really stiff. I would get have something called corn rage, which, like, I don't know if you   have any idea of what that is. If not, Google it. It's   an incredible what corn can do to somebody, and it's in everything. So,   you know, it's just something that I really   became passionate about because of my own experiences.   And   figured that if I had gone through this and not many people knew about it, not many doctors, you know, could help them or whatever, that maybe that I could help people.  

And,   you know, just help them   learn how to have a healthier gut and what the symptoms are of maybe an unhealthy gut and,   little tips and tricks that they can do to kind of   start living a healthier life overall.  

[00:05:14] Unknown:

Wow.   Corn disease, I've never heard of it. I'm presuming that's all to do with gluten and stuff.  

[00:05:20] Unknown:

Well, it's corn rage. It's just it's like a nickname of something, and it's called corn rage. And it's just how you,   it's just like, you know, your body gets so inflamed   that,   it it actually, you know, you get rageful. And that's   since knowing what that is and being like, oh, okay. Well, I just had something that has xanthan gum in it, which usually comes from corn or wheat. Okay. It's got you know, I know it's got corn in it, and, you know, later on that day, I'm maybe not in the best mood that I could be. There's   typically a correlation. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, that was not a good idea, and we shouldn't try that 1 again. No. No. Oh, bless you.  



[00:06:02] Unknown:

So you you're qualified now. So what does it entail? I presume you get people coming to you to like, well, discuss their gut and see what you can do to fix it, basically.  

[00:06:13] Unknown:

Yeah. So I got certified   in January of 22.   I figured with COVID going on the year before, it was a good time to go back to school,   and,   so I did to become a health coach and just,   you know, really kinda nailed home everything that I had been personally learning on my own journey of,   health and stuff the years before.   And so it was really validating for me, and so now I like to be able to empower other people to kinda take back their own health and   be like,   even if doctors can't figure out what's going on with you, or they say that your labs are normal, or they say that these are normal things, or that this is just age or something   to maybe kind of get more to the root cause of the issue.  

You know, we don't realize   a lot of the time, just how much   the gut affects your brain and the brain affects your gut, and that's why there's something called sour stomach. And, you know, that's why, you know, there's there's there's tons of euphemisms that we have, and we it's like, yes, there's a reason why it's called sour stomach. It's because when you're feeling so upset that your stomach gets sour because you're so, you know, emotionally upset, and then your stomach gets like, you know, a lot of people when they have anxiety,   they're running to the bathroom,   and having, you know, diarrhea and stuff, so it it's definitely,   interconnected,   and they talk to each other through,   the nervous system. And so it's really important to make sure that,   you're taking care of your gut so that you can have your optimal brain health as well.  



[00:07:46] Unknown:

Well, they call it the second brain, don't they? Yes. They do. Yeah. I can I can well, years ago when I was looking into things like depression and stuff, I know, like, briefly touched, but I didn't get heavily   involved,   you know, researching and stuff like that? But so what do you think to, like, all these, like, probiotics   and stuff? Is that the way forward for people, or are they just   rubbish?  

[00:08:08] Unknown:

I think some probiotics   can be helpful for people,   especially,   depending on what strain it is. There are certain strains that work better for certain issues, like, if you have   something called SIBO, which is small intestinal bacteria overgrowth,   more spore   based   probiotics are better for you. They don't feed,   the bacteria so that they don't ferment   the probiotics and stuff. So, you know, I think that there is a time and a place for them, and especially after you've had a round of antibiotics or something, or you're having something that could, you know, a medication that could disrupt your your gut health, I think it's really important to,   you know,   pop you be populated with something that's going to be healthy, because otherwise, you leave yourself open to   having,   you know, unhealthy   bad bacteria kind of proliferate instead of the healthy ones, which is something you don't want. It's called dysbiosis.  

And   a lot of people in the world have that now.   And so it's just kind of easing your way into having a healthier gut overall   and, doing it in a sustainable way.  

[00:09:22] Unknown:

What would you recommend to, like, improve your gut health? Could you do, like, a big detox and, like, can can you reset the gut at all?  

[00:09:30] Unknown:

Yep. You can. Absolutely. Yeah. They say that, you know, the way that you eat really affects,   your gut. So if you're eating foods that are good for the gut,   like fermented foods, sauerkraut,   kimchi,   yogurt,   Those are really good for the gut health. And so if you continue to add in things like that, while crowding out foods that are, really fried and sugary,   then that helps to feed the bacteria that you want to have mainly in your gut, and it helps to kinda diminish   the bacteria and starve them of the bacteria that you don't want growing as much in your gut. So there's definitely there's definitely a balance and you can you can do that. It's not, you know, it doesn't it doesn't take,   you know, years years years to do, which is great, and anybody can start doing this at any time. They can decide, hey, today I'm going to start eating healthier. I'm going to start having, you know, salads instead of pizza. I'm going to,   you know, have some yogurt in the morning instead of just coffee   and, you know, just adding little things in here and there,   and slowly kind of transitioning. And the next thing you know, you're living an overall healthier lifestyle and your life's improving.  



[00:10:47] Unknown:

Wow. Wow. So I know you're really passionate about mental health, and I presume that's, well, mental health, relating to the gut because, obviously, you were bipolar.   Right. So you had to go through that process yourself. So how did you, like, work that out that it was   all to do with your gut? Because, you know, you see people just on, like, movies and stuff bipolar totally   nuts basically when they get their highs and their lows and stuff.  

[00:11:14] Unknown:

Yeah. And I I did have that. Not I wasn't I'm not bipolar I wasn't diagnosed bipolar 1, which is the way more extreme where they have hallucinogens   and, you know, just   think that they're god and all kinds of things like that, and then get that low too, unfortunately.   Mine was a little bit more   not quite that extreme,   but it could be a rapid,   change. And   I started   following some doctors.   This was back when Facebook was relatively new,   at least for people not in college anymore.   And,   dating my myself there, but it was it was it was it was really interesting to learn,   from different holistic psychologists,   about   how food interacts   with,   your body, and how it can affect   the foods that you eat. And if even if it's, you know, something healthy, like, I thought I was I was having whole wheat bread. Why is this not healthy? How come I'm having problems? You know? I was eating all the foods that I was supposed to be eating. Why is this not working? And, you know, to realize that, oh, there could be other underlying issues. That was a whole   it was it was just kinda mind blowing for me. You know, I had been   tested several times   and heavily medicated and stuff for over a decade.  

But as I,   got older   and started   working on my gut health   is when I started seeing therapists, and they were like, I don't know if you really have like, you know, you seem pretty normal.   Like, oh, you you   you don't have to take this. If you're really bipolar too, you won't be able to not take any medication.   It'll be very prevalent that you are not taking any medication, and it's like, you know, bad news bears.   But for me, that wasn't   actually the case, and that's not what happened. And so I kinda started playing around in my mind with the idea that maybe   maybe I'm not bipolar 2. Maybe there's something else that's going on, and it's just mimicking that. And,   you know, what could this be? And then when I got, you know, when I did the elimination diet and realized that it was the foods   that was causing me so many issues,   that just   I mean, my my whole   brain pretty much exploded and was like, what? Is this Is that because the foods that we're all eating are processed foods,  

[00:13:44] Unknown:

or is is there an outside, like,   problem   as in the air, the spray in the food that we're eating,  

[00:13:54] Unknown:

chemicals with the food? That it can be coming from a multi front at this point.   For me, it's   really just about how inflamed your body is.   So,   you know, depending on how   well you're able your body is able to process certain things or handle x amount of toxins or, you know, how good your liver health is in,   then you may be able to handle more than someone else, and someone else may be more sensitive   than another person. So it's it's really bio individual.   So it's hard to say, like, a blanket statement like that where it's, you know,   oh, well, it's definitely the, you know, the in the sky and the air that we're breathing   and all of these toxins that are everywhere now and, you know, PFASs   and stuff. So it's it's it's hard to really pin prick 1 specific thing that could be triggering all of it. I think   it really is a multi approach where it could just be that there's so much now that it's catching up to a lot of people.  

And,   you know, now we have to maybe in the past, we didn't have to really think so much about our liver   and,   supporting it.   And maybe that's something now that people want to start thinking about so that they don't   have as much of a toxic overload,  

[00:15:17] Unknown:

to their liver and stuff? Well, I think, you know, just myself, and, I'm not asking,   just because I've got, like, a specialist here.   But half of the UK seem to be on things like Omeprazole   for stomach acid and stuff stuff like that, which ultimately,   you know, supposedly, if you take too much of it, gives you   a a stomach ulcer in the long run. Right. But is that the sort of thing that can be healed by healing your gut, acid reflux and things?  

[00:15:45] Unknown:

I I I think that a lot of the times that a lot of people may not be necessarily   producing too much acid,   but a lot of the times, in fact, are not producing enough acid to break down their foods.   And they have very similar   symptoms,   and,   so it's hard to say what is   causing it for everybody. But,   I know from personal experience   that if you're stressed out, your stomach acid's gonna go down. Most people are stressed out these days.   So it's pretty safe to say that,   overall,   more people most likely have   lower stomach acid than they do higher,   and if they take something called betaine HCl, which is basically stomach acid in a in a capsule form in a pill form, and you take it with your food,   it will help to break your food down for you if you don't have enough stomach acid. That's why a lot of people find relief when they start doing apple cider vinegar   because it brings up the amount of stomach acid that they actually have in their stomach, and so they're able to digest their food better.  



[00:17:02] Unknown:

It's pretty, pretty potent though, apple cider vinegar.  

[00:17:05] Unknown:

Absolutely. Yes. Yes.   I can't do it.  

[00:17:09] Unknown:

I know somebody recommended that. Just thinking about it. When I was trying to, like, do a bit of a cleanse and, yeah, not again.   Perhaps a drop.   But, no, it's amazing how it's all comes back to all of these natural   things, though, not the medication that will heal it, just natural remedies.   Yeah. And I do see now more and more, like, on the food aisles,   lots of shelves with, like, gut food, yogurt. They're all together. You know, the special drinks you can drink and stuff like that. I mean, I'm sure of them aren't really. They just give you a percentage   of what you actually need. Like the probiotics  

[00:17:44] Unknown:

in with your soda and   because although they say they   is good, but you just have to watch out for the sugar content of it.  

[00:17:53] Unknown:

Right. Okay.   Because I've I was kind of looking into I was talking to a lady about fermented foods and stuff. And, I mean, these were all the things in raw milk and stuff that we're always been advised   to stay away from.   Yep. And part of me thinks, is that part of the whole, well, conspiracy   out there? You know, the way the world is, and it's like, we seem to be diverting away for anything natural that's good because we've got to be so highly cleansed, and   everything's got to be washed so thoroughly.  

[00:18:23] Unknown:

Well, I, myself, drink raw whole milk.   It's illegal in Rhode Island, so I actually drive to Massachusetts   That's great. Which is only, like,   I'm I'm not far from the border. So I'm only, like, 10 minutes away from the border, and then the farm that I get it from is only, like, a half hour from me. So I take the kids, we go get ice cream, and get our milk, and have it be like a little kind of thing that we do. And that way, I know that,   you know, they test it extensively,   and I know that my kids are getting the nutrients that I want them to be getting, and are getting a plenty of healthy fats and vitamin a   and,   you know, it's a   because it's not been heated,   and and processed the same way that homogenized   processed pasteurized milk has,   it it doesn't   it's not missing a lot of the enzymes that help us break it down in our stomachs.  

So   I actually have major issues when I'm having, like, regular dairy.   I used to drink tons of dairy growing up, and, like, we would always giggle because I always was tooting up a storm, and it would just be like,   oh, yeah. You know? But looking back, it's like, oh, okay. Yep. That's 1 of my food sensitivities   is dairy, and I was eating it all the time and inflaming myself, but now I can have raw dairy, no issues.   None. So it's just yes. I find it interesting to,   you know, at at at the store, I try to stick to the peripheral peripheral of the store because that way, you know, things are more   they go bad.  

The stuff in the middle of the store can stay it's shelf stable. It's got tons of, you know, additives in it, preservatives and stuff, whereas   the stuff that's on the periphery is, you know, fresh foods. That's whole foods that, you know, my my ancestors, my body   intrinsically knows how to handle eating it. All of these low fat, no fat stuff. It's like, what is even going on? This isn't how   my body needs to eat. And so it's just kind of   being mindful about that and eating more whole foods.  

[00:20:39] Unknown:

And if you're gonna start on that journey of, like, going down the raw food thing, like, which I've been trying to do, and It's like over there. It's illegal. You can't get it.   Well, I did buy some a couple of weeks ago, and it was it wasn't quite raw, but he was telling me that it wasn't boiled to the right heat and everything like that. It it still had a lot more benefit than your usual pasteurized   stuff, and I was really nervous. Take like, I said, does it taste the same? Because I'm a bit fussy with food. He said, oh, no. It's a lot creamier. And I came home, and I was, like, almost daring myself thinking, oh my goodness. You know, is it and I was like, oh, it just tastes like full fat milk. Just call me. Yeah. And so, like, I managed to disguise. The next few days, my son went through bowls of cereal, and I was like, yes. I'm getting a little bit of   goodness in him. You know? Not so much the cocoa pops, but the milk is something. But,   if you were to say, like just say, for example, now I got full on raw milk, pure raw milk,   would it be advisable to start in small   portions, so to speak? Could it could it give a result, like, if you drank a whole bottle, you could be really sick. It could really irritate the gut.  



[00:21:45] Unknown:

Well, I mean, if you ate drank a whole bottle of water,   you could really irritate your gut too.   Anything you wanna have it moderation.   And definitely, if you're not sure if it could cause you issues, if you say you're lactose intolerant   to regular milk, I would definitely be cautious about, you know, having some and just having a little bit at a time and seeing how you react to it.   But, typically, it's  

[00:22:13] Unknown:

just as benign to people as, you know, store bought milk. Right. And it's interesting because people say that if they're, like you say, lactose,   dairy intolerant and stuff like that, they can then move over to the raw food side of it, and they've got no problem at all.  

[00:22:28] Unknown:

Yeah. A lot of people have that experience.   Kind of like a lot of people from America   can have trouble with, breads and pastas and stuff here. But then when they go on vacation   to, you know, say, Italy or something, they can have the pasta and the bread there. No problem.  

[00:22:47] Unknown:

Fascinating.   Yeah. Yeah. I love all of this stuff. I love it because I need to be healthy. I want to be healthy.   I'm also feeling like I'm, like, 6 months pregnant   and bloated away. But,   anyway   so, like, what kind of, you you've obviously got a busy schedule. You do Reiki as well? I do. Yep. Oh, wonderful.  

[00:23:09] Unknown:

For for me, I found that you can take as many supplements as you want. You can eat as healthy as you want, you can do all of the things.   If you are so stressed out   that you, you know, are aren't aren't,   feeling safe in your own body, then none of that matters.   So,   I found a lot of   peace and healing when I've had Reiki done, and so I wanted to be able to bring that to other people as well. And so, now I am an advanced Reiki practitioner   and,   do virtual Reiki sessions on people, which has been really cool.   Yeah. And,   people, you know, people are always like, you can do it virtually, and it's like, well, it's energy work. So I just ask permission from you to work on you energetically.  

And, you know, I   I ideally, I look at a picture of you, you know, beforehand so that I can visualize you in my mind and stuff, but it's I'm literally just working with energy. So,   you know, I've had a lot of people have good results   from me doing that and have   felt the same peace and calm that I felt, which is why I did it. I'm like, great. This is awesome.  

[00:24:18] Unknown:

Wonderful.  

[00:24:19] Unknown:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I I I really think it's a 2 pronged approach where,   you know, you're also calming your central nervous system, and you're also, you know, eating as healthfully as you can. The whole mind, body, and spirit.  

[00:24:33] Unknown:

Absolutely. Bringing it all in. So Yep. Back to the gut health quick question.   Do do you believe that it could help, like,   remove early signs of dimension, things like that?  

[00:24:44] Unknown:

Yes. Yes. In fact, tonight, I think it's on CNN,   there's a doctor   that's gonna be talking about   oh, sorry. Tonight as in, like, US time. New York time. 7 PM u New York time Eastern Standard Time. So,   the the on CNN, I think there is gonna be I sent it to my mom because my dad's got Alzheimer's, and   they found that   just changing   lifestyle and doing a whole lifestyle change for a lot of patients with,   Alzheimer's, it actually helped to reverse   some of it   for them. Wow. Yep. In 5 months.  

[00:25:22] Unknown:

That's amazing.  

[00:25:24] Unknown:

Yes. Yes. It is. And, the ketogenic diet because they're calling it a lot of the time diabetes 3,   Alzheimer's.   And so the ketogenic diet is phenomenal for people who have   diabetes too.   And,   so it's also phenomenal for people who have diabetes 3 as well.   So there's some speculation that people who have Alzheimer's aren't able to break down glucose in the brain the same way that,   you know, regular people without the disease are. And so,   going into keto, you don't use glucose, you use ketones for your energy. So it kind of switches   the metabolism to what you're using as energy.  



[00:26:08] Unknown:

And the keto diet, is that the 1 that's all fats?  

[00:26:12] Unknown:

It's high. Yes. It's moderate fat, moderate protein, low, lower carb.  

[00:26:17] Unknown:

Right. Okay. I do remember trying that years ago for fast weight loss.   Tried many things over the years.  

[00:26:25] Unknown:

Yep. It's hard. You get it's that's why I think working with a coach   is really important because,   you know, when you're when you're   if you don't know how to do something, if you're trying to lose weight at the gym or, you know, work out and get a get get a better physique, then you hire a personal trainer. If you're trying to, you know, get better at tennis or golf, then you hire trainers. So if you're trying to be better with your health,   it makes sense to hire a trainer,   and that's what coaching does. And it's really nice because,   you know, I have different   things that I can do with the person, but I like doing like, you know, for the long term, I do a 6 month   program for my long term clients,   because that makes it all the changes are sustainable.  

And it because it didn't take you, you know, 2 weeks to get to where you're at. It took you a long time to get to where you're at. And so, you know, doing the 6 months, it allows you to kind of   undo   the things that you've been doing. And so it it makes it so that the the   the tools and the tricks that we start implementing in your day to day life stick.  

[00:27:33] Unknown:

It's not just, you know, some kind of fad thing that you do for It's a process. Yeah. It's a process. Well, great stuff. Well, sadly, we are coming to the end. Thank you so much. It's been fascinating.   Where can people find you? Have you got a website or  

[00:27:48] Unknown:

contact info? My website is,   integrate with kate.net,   and they can also find me on Instagram   at integrate   period   with period   Kate,   as well as   on LinkedIn,   Kate Decosta,  

[00:28:09] Unknown:

d e c o s t a. Wonderful. I'll get that added in the show notes. Thank you so much, Lovely. It's been fascinating. Yep. Thank you, Shelley. It was wonderful speaking with you. Take care, my lovely, and catch up with you again. Take care.   Thank you. Bye. Bye   bye.   Wow. I love it. I love all this gut health stuff.   Raw milk illegal. Crazy, isn't it? I think I just need a small hold ins, just buy myself a cow   because I literally have to travel miles.   Right. Let's have this week's life hack. And anybody out there, if you know any inspirational women who've got stories to tell,   doesn't have to be work related or anything like that, just a story about their life, please do send them my way.  

My email is shelly tasker at btinternet.com.   Right? So going on to this week's life hack before we have our next guest on this life hack is from my dear friend, Joe Wood. Let's have a wee listen.   Oh, wrong 1.   It was all going so very well.   Right.   Let's hear what Joe's life hack is.  

[00:29:27] Unknown:

Couple of life hacks for you today,   buy a palm sized piece of organic ginger, chop that up, place in a blender with half a cup of water,   then get 2 organic non wax lemons,   juice those,   add the juice,   2 teaspoons of the lemon juice,   2 ice cube trays   along with 1 teaspoon   of the ginger juice,   then   add 1 teaspoon of chai seeds   along with a squirt of honey and top that up with some cool filtered water,   place that aside for 30 minutes allowing the cheese seeds to expand   and then pop it in a freezer,   once frozen you can pop out the individual   ice cubes into a cup and pour over some hot water for a nice   non gluten   ginger lemon tea.  

Second1 is   you can purchase   some ceremonial   grade matcha green   tea.   You can have that as normal tea or you can make it up as a tea,   allow it to chill,   place it into a bottle,   top it up with filtered cold water,   and a top tip would be to just put a little bit of smidgen   of rybeena juice into it, and it takes away any bitterness   taste you may have   or dislike.   Brilliant for bloating along with weight loss as well. Enjoy.  

[00:31:01] Unknown:

Thank you, Jo. That's all quite relative after our first guest tonight.   I shall hope that I can write that down in the show   notes because I need to try that. I'm not sure how ginger and lemon would taste, but, hey ho.   I'm ready to try anything. Right.   So, also, if you've got any life hacks, don't be scared to record a message and send it to me.   Or, alternatively,   send it to my email, and I will read it out for you.   Right. Let's move on to our next guest this evening.   Our next desk guest, desk guest is Deborah Kilby.   Deborah is an author. She's a healer and a channel.  

Very raw story.   Anyway, it's got, wow, it's quite in well, it's very inspiring as well. Very heart lifting. So let's give Deborah   a call. She is  

[00:31:56] Unknown:

on standby.   Right.  

[00:32:00] Unknown:

Doesn't wanna work.   Cool.   There we go.   Good evening.   Hi, Shelley. How are you? I'm good. Thanks, my lovely. How are you? Good. It's good. Have you had a good day? It's been nice. It's been nice, and I like this time of the day. It's like my social   life. I get to talk to 2 amazing women every Sunday for an hour and   share their stories. So welcome. I have just given a very brief introduction that you're a author, healer, and channel, and it goes a lot deeper than that, but   I'll hand it over   to you. If you can tell us your story, my lovely, how you got to where you're at. Take your time. No pressure. We've got half an hour, and,   I look forward to it.  



[00:32:54] Unknown:

Okay. Lovely. Shall I just go ahead? Go for it. Oh, amazing. Alright. Gosh.   Well well, I've written a whole book about it, so I'll try and keep it as condensed and as, interesting and,   useful, I guess, as possible.   So,   what I do now so I'll start from what I do now. So what I do now is I'm a spirit baby medium, a healer,   a channel,   an author, and a soul plan teacher. So I I teach, this modality called soul plan,   and I mostly support women who are in conception,   particularly those on a challenging journey to motherhood. Most of the women I work with are in their forties.   I've also got clients in their fifties and,   moms in there who are giving birth at 50 also.  

So mostly those on their kind of, more challenging Danish motherhood, but also those who experienced baby loss   and and also,   birth trauma as well. So trauma from giving birth to their,   own babies but also their own birth trauma,   because how we arrived in the womb, our experience in the womb, and also how we were born   massively impacts our journey to motherhood,   but also our kind of soul journey, how we see the world and how we see ourselves.   So that's what I do now. I see energy, read energy, feel energy,   so it's kind of looking at all the patterns and   images and past lives and all sorts. It's, a very magical world that I live in. So how did I get here? Well, I didn't even   know,   couldn't even imagine,   the many, many worlds that we are,   you know, that we are have access to.  

But it was my own journey to motherhood that sort of,   it's woke me up, quite brutally   into,   yeah, into what is going on behind the scenes, the things that we can't see, the unexplained   that the medical can't explain.   So I've got 2 beautiful boys very much here. 1 who's all 16 and 1 who has just turned 12.   So in between those in between my boys, I had 3 miscarriages,   and then I   was pregnant with,   a little girl who I called Rosa.   And   at   16 weeks   so in terms of spirit baby communication, it kinda started with my eldest son, Max,   didn't even have a clue that this was even possible in the womb, and he was saying, hi, mom. My name's Jack. Now, obviously, I didn't call him. We didn't call him Jack,   but it was very much now I realize a sign   of his kind of lineage and what you know, because we've got, that's kind of strong family name, really,   in the past.  

And then when I got pregnant with Rosa,   I kind of knew something wasn't quite right. I had huge hopes, especially after the 3 miscarriages   that, you know, the pregnancy had lasted longer than 8 weeks, longer than 9 weeks, got to 12 weeks, got to the scan.   I had just, like but I still had this   kind of knowing, I guess,   knowing that I didn't wanna know.   And then I heard   Rosa speak from the womb saying, mommy, I'm sick.   So I kinda knew something was going on, but I didn't know it was gonna have to be my choice   to release her.  

So,   it turns out that, you know, around 16 16 weeks,   she was diagnosed with, genetic complications,   and then it was down to me to,   make that choice   of a very very much wanted and loved baby and it's called determination for medical reasons or TFMR,   for many, many women who have been in this experience.   So it was   after the 3 miscarriages, I didn't realize that my heart was closing and closing.   I was, you know, not talking to anyone about it. I was telling myself, oh, it's 1 in 4   and,   you know, this happens all the time   and just basically shutting down. But when it was had to be my choice,   it it really kind of, you know, that was my on the knees moment. I'm not sure how I'm gonna recover from this. I don't know how,   I'm supposed to enjoy life or   how,   how I'm not gonna feel what I'm feeling,   which was just   in pain, a lot of emotional pain   a lot of the time.  

And I really didn't know how I was gonna gonna manage life.   And   it was 1 day at work and someone had and a colleague had announced her her pregnancy   and I had a split second of joy for her than her news because she was so happy obviously   and then I just went into oh my gosh what about me   And feeling   all kinds of bitterness   and sadness and   rage   and,   like crippling   failure,   and I thought I just need to get out of work. And I went home and I was sitting in my garden   and just saying to myself, like, oh my gosh, I am not the woman who   can't be happy for another woman. I'm not the woman who is bitter. I'm not a bitter person. Where is all this coming from?  

I can't live my life seeing pregnant women and always feeling   these huge emotions,   and not being able to kind of be free, like, feel free in what I'm doing and living and always being scared of of feeling these intense emotions.   And so I made that decision. I do not want this to define me.   This experience does not define me. And I also said,   who is I, you know, I I was talking about who, you know, I am not this woman who. And then I heard this little voice go, well, who is that woman? Who is that woman who isn't all of these   all of these, big emotions, all of these things, someone who's bitter, someone who's sad, someone who feels they can't live life or they're being punished for something.  

Who is this woman? So that was, like, my moment of, oh, my gosh,   You know, who there is another part of me that isn't all of these things,   and this experience is not going to define me. And then went on this,   you know, spiritual sleuth,   kind of awakening, really. And my question my question was,   is there another baby for me?   And I got to the kind of conclusion that I would I would regret not trying   and it not work. I would regret more   not trying and never knowing   more than trying   again for another baby and,   you know, having the same thing happen.  

So I was like, okay. But I need I need I had this thing that I wanted to make   make sure as much as you can, make sure is there another baby. So I kind of gone   on this search and I went to different mediums,   I started going to the spiritualist like, it was just a whole series of synchronicities.   I remember my counselor at the time who was helping me through the grief of Rosa   and, you know, the action I'd taken, and I say release rather than termination   because that's how she describes it. She said you released me. I was not meant to be in this   in this world, you know, that was not my purpose to stay in the world.  

And actually 1 of the most profound things she said when I opened up to spirit baby communication was I came in unwhole   to make you whole.   Oh, you've just made all of my hair stand up on my lap. Yeah. And still, even when I say that, I came in unwhole to make you whole.   She, you know, she went on to say, you know, you weren't listening throughout the miscarriages. You were just getting more and more close instead of more and more open.   You know, it was time for the big the big kick,   and it was a really big kick.   And,   you know, it yeah. So   that was after I that was when I started kind of connecting in with her more. But my journey to that was, you know, this counselor was saying, you're approaching this from a very spiritual perspective.  

And she gave me the book from Brian Weiss, many many lives, many masters. And I was always reading that book.   Everything just came flooding back. Like, oh my gosh, of course, there's   life after death. Of course, there's a bigger picture going on. Of course, we've it just felt like truth so that was another kind of synchronicity.   And I said I was going to mediums to try and connect with Rosa   and all of them said, look, she's too,   we can't connect in with her. Frequency is too high.   Oh, I can only kind of connect with her through their own guides.   And then I thought, well, I just I know I'm gonna have to   stretch my own, expand my own frequency, expand my own sense of self   so I can connect with her.  

And,   you know, this was quite you know, it was 2010 I said hello and goodbye to her,   And it was took it took another   3 or 4 years   before I you know, all this was a long journey, and I was, you know, started to go into my own healing.   As I said, I've got my little 1, Samuel, now here, who was always guiding me, like, yeah. Come on. Yeah. You just need to go. There's there's something else to look at. You're almost there. And it was like, I'm here. I'm here.   Reach out. Expand.   Like, feel me, and I did actually meet him before he arrived as well.  

[00:42:36] Unknown:

Wow. When you say you It's long. Long. I could go on, but sorry. No. No. No. It's what no. It's wonderful. It's fascinating.   So when you say you met him, is this like under trance meditation?  

[00:42:49] Unknown:

In med in meditation.   Right.   Yeah.   And I could kind of feel   feel him around. I knew that there was another baby even though I'd gone off asking this question and gone external and asked different people,   you know, different healers, you sent another baby around me. I knew there was another baby. It was just needing that extra confirmation or validation if you like, but also the healing to let go of those patterns that make us feel that we can't,   that keep our intuition closed off. So it was really about healing, which then opens your intuition   and your sense of knowing.  

But when I met him, it was like a it was more an energy.   So it was just this feeling of absolute love.   It's, you know, unless you've experienced that, it's hard to describe, but it was like, oh my gosh,  

[00:43:38] Unknown:

burst into tears, and there was such a beautiful, beautiful connection. And how far pregnant was you pregnant at this stage? No. I wasn't, but I was pregnant 2 months later. Right. Okay. And this time, because of that, did you have more reassurance throughout your pregnancy and trust that all was gonna be fine?  

[00:43:56] Unknown:

I really did. And, honestly, I was was saying to my husband, I I think I'm gonna need counseling throughout the pregnancy   because I didn't wanna spend 9 months in a, you know, in complete panic or worry and constantly thinking that they're gonna stay, are they gonna stay, are they gonna stay?   But actually what I was feeling was this very deep knowing because I'd felt him, met him.   I just knew he was meant to arrive.   And of course, our mind can go off into those little,   patterns. I mean, I've done an awful lot of healing by that stage as well, so there was less noise in my in my head.   But it was, you know, doing this you know, if I was going for a scan, for example,   you know, there would still be that old kind of panic that would come up, but I could always breathe back into my knowing. And even I had some bleeding   around 9 weeks,   and even then I didn't rush for a scan. I was like, no. I just know he's meant to come.  

Even when in the, you know, at the birth and they were saying this is happening and this is happening, I was like, no. He's fine.   We're fine.   It's all good. Just leave me be. Just leave me to it.   And, of course, everything was fine. It was such a deep sense of knowing,   that I didn't need the counselor.   I didn't you know, I just needed   to hold myself in that space of knowing,   and know when my mind was kind of kind of flipping out a little bit, as our minds tend to do and coming back into that feeling in my body and that knowing,   and also the connection with him in the womb,   you know, really connecting with him in the womb, how is he? How is he feeling?  

You know, all of those kinds of things that connection with yourself and your connection with your baby   So you can keep yourself in more state of calm and your body in a state of calm throughout it.  

[00:45:43] Unknown:

Wow.   So you went on, had the baby,   and he how old is he now?   He was 12 on Friday. Oh, bless him. Yeah. And is he how you imagined him to be, like, the personality that you kind of met in meditation?  

[00:46:00] Unknown:

Oh my gosh.   He's a lot chattier. So the babies,   you know, because my my first son, Max, was very chatty in the womb, and I thought it was totally normal to be able to connect with your babies. But my birth group were like, oh, no. That doesn't happen. You're quite weird, but I like the idea of it. But it just sounds weird But normal.   Because, of course, they wanna connect with you. Of course, they're, you know, they're conscious. We're conscious beings in the womb. So he was more chatty. Samuel was very image based,   a bit quiet as he was very much about if if I was with him, he would show me images rather than that I would hear words.  

So it's being open to how your babies want to communicate as well, and he was very much a a feeling. Like, when I first met him, as I described, it was more a feeling and energy. So he's very much, you know, a a clairsentient,   a cleansed clairsentient. So he's a lot chattier,   but sometimes he would show me images of,   you know, battles and war. And I was like, oh my gosh. What past lives is he?   Yeah. And he's totally he's totally into that when he's here   with wrestling and, you know, proper boy, but he has the biggest heart and the best sense of humor. So it's his heart energy   that is that's what I that's the that's the energy I felt before he arrived,   and he's absolutely   so present in his heart energy. Now he's here.  



[00:47:24] Unknown:

So do you believe he chose you then, Deborah?   Do do you think we choose our parents?  

[00:47:30] Unknown:

I would say   I mean, we are we can't say a 100% everybody for sure.   But every single,   baby I've met,   we absolutely choose our parents.   We absolutely choose. We choose everything.   In my book, there's a whole chapter where it's taken up to the spirit baby realm   and shown, like, how we prepare to come to Earth, how what   preparation our babies are in. So we're in our preparations here that may include some physical changes, you know, our diet, what we eat, that kind of thing,   our   emotional health and mental health.   Our babies are also in their preparation phase. Just as we were before we arrived, we all have a souls plan.  

We all have an idea of why   why we're coming to Earth.   You know, we all know we chose to come here. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here right now, but I was I was never satisfied with that. I was like, well, why? Why why have I chosen to come here? It's gotta you know, but what's the motivation behind it? So,   you know, the preparations are,   what do I want to experience in terms of challenge? What am I finding resolution to? What am I really curious about that I want to experience that my challenge can become my greatest gift?   What are my natural goals and talents,   my natural gifts and talents? What's my goal? What's my life purpose, soul destiny? What do I who who am I in my ultimate highest expression?  

And we're moving through this soul plan. So as part of your soul plan, the connections   are happening long before,   you know, our parents arrived.   You know, those those connections have been there a very, very long time.   But, yeah, the connection with our parents is is is absolutely,   you know, as I said, can't say a 100%, but certainly every spirit baby I've spoken to   or met or the parents have a sense of that connection,   that that they definitely, you know, we choose we choose everything, and we literally choose the coding   of our physical expression for the egg and the sperm. We choose everything. Nothing is left to chance.  

However, that, you know, might   feel,   when we get here,   our soul   knows what it wishes to experience.  

[00:49:53] Unknown:

When when do you think, like, the soul enters the body through pregnancy?   Is it already there waiting   or does it form?   I don't know. I'm just interested. Just curious what you think. No. That's an amazing question  

[00:50:09] Unknown:

because it really, really depends. Like, I've seen conception if I'm holding space for someone   who is,   is within IVF transfer, for example.   So I'm shown,   the like, it's just like   a huge burst of light   as the embryo   meets the, the the mother, like, implants into the mother. There's a huge burst of light that I've been shown.   I've also been shown life in the embryo   before that goes into before that,   embryo   is trans transferred into the woman And 1 of the most beautiful things they've ever said, someone asked me about, well, what happens if your the embryos have been frozen?   How do the babies feel about that? And their response was, we can all feel frozen sometimes, but we always can melt into love. And so they were asking their moms to see it as the the transfer from the,   you know, they're not being thawed out, they are melting into love.  

So that's also a sin, but I've also   been shown how they are in the womb, in the energy of the mother already waiting for the physical body   to,   to be formed that they can make that their home.   So I think it's 1 of those gorgeous mysteries that perhaps should remain a mystery,   and, you know, I've seen it in lots of different ways. So   it can happen   at the moment. Certainly, clients have felt that moment of connection conception. I knew I was pregnant,   as well. So I knew that at that moment of conception, I there was there was a soul that had come in.   But it can also come in and be waiting for the physical body.  

Maybe maybe my son was waiting in the in in my physical body waiting for that physical moment,   but it can you know, they are round.   Conception is much more than a physical meeting of egg and sperm, although that, of course, that physical fusion   is the is key.   The energy   side of things, is   can happen   at the, you know, whatever whenever it's supposed to happen, whatever that soul is choosing.  

[00:52:21] Unknown:

It's a pretty amazing  

[00:52:22] Unknown:

process, isn't it? It's quite wild. Yeah. It's absolutely much, much bigger than than we imagine. And actually what the spirit baby says about conception is,   you know, it's always about, oh, the egg and the sperm, the egg and the sperm, the physical.   And what they say is do do you not feel the ripples in the universe   that actually is the universe itself? You're conceiving the universe itself.   It's the the love of the love of energy and the love the love from energy and the love from form coming together to create a third,   energy or something. I can't remember I understand what you said. But it's like the ripples felt   that the child doesn't only affect your life, but, of course, it's everyone else that they meet in their life. So the ripple effect of new life, new consciousness   is massive. So if we expand our thoughts   and our views on conception   then,   yeah, we'd really be   more embracing   the mystery,   magic, and,   reverence of life.  



[00:53:24] Unknown:

Put very well. Oh, it's fascinating. We've only got 5 minutes left, Deborah. It's got some work. I know. We'll have to, we'll have to do another 1 because it's just a massive subject, isn't it? It really is. So you're working with ladies. They come to you if not only if they've lost a baby,   but if they're going through that process   of contraception   not contraception.   What's the word? Conception.   That's it.   And, presumably,   they come to you because they've already had a loss   and, well, the whole thought of going through the experience again.  

[00:53:59] Unknown:

Yeah. Often they've had a loss before and, of course, when you've had a loss then you've you've kind of, you know, you lose a little bit of faith and trust in your body, in yourself, in in your babies, in the universe.   But often a lot of women haven't   haven't been pregnant before either and, you know, they're wondering why is that this unexplained   infertility,   or the loss. So it's kind of, you know, it's it's different for for for different women. Obviously, if you've experienced a loss, it's about looking going back to that experience of loss. I don't mean going back and reliving it but feeling into the energy. How do you feel? What beliefs did you make? And finding some peace and resolution and connection with your baby, like, that bigger   picture to it. Like, what was baby's perspective? And I think that's the beauty of spirit baby mediumship,   and connecting with your baby, bearing in mind that we can all do this. This is something that might be my job if you like in this lifetime, but it's it's available to us all like this to empower yourself to have that connection.  

But they offer a very different perspective because we're seeing that loss through whatever patterns we're in, whether that's just because I did this bad thing or it's because I didn't stop working or it's because I had that drink or, you know, all these things and we try and we we really take on the blame and the faults, we have it all on ourself   but actually your baby is with you in that experience.   And that's what Rosa said to me when when she kind of came in like that,   and said it was my choice too, which is why I've called my book Rosa's Choice.   It was my choice too. Your babies have choice   in in whether they whether they stay,   whether they're coming in for a   specific purpose to help you,   and it doesn't feel like that's very helpful at the time. That's certainly not how I felt. It was not a gift. The experience of loss isn't a gift, but healing from that experience is the gift. And your babies are opening you up to a very different perspective,   not only of your of your loss experience,   but of other worlds, other realms, other possibilities, and how you see yourself. So it's always about growth and connection.  

And so looking at that, you know, the the the bigger picture behind the loss is is very much part of my work, and then kind of going back the other side, like, up the other side, opening to conception again and feeling very differently about yourself and welcoming in,   perhaps the same baby,   or another soul.   And women who haven't been pregnant before, you know, our bodies have can hold on to a lot of trauma. Certainly, the relationships with our own mother, our experiences of childhood,   you know, it's it's it's that big it's the stuff that we've been holding on to, and babies always look show me like a runway.   And we wouldn't land a plane on a runway with lots of debris on it. So it's about clearing our space as much as we possibly can.  

And, you know, we're all on this healing journey forever, so it's not like, you know, we have to be completely perfect because we already are. We just need to remember that we are more than our experiences that we've had so far, and we're opening up. Spirit baby is coming in to lift us into who we already are   so we can meet and match their frequency.   They're not serving us a lesson. They're not then there is no blame. There's no shame. There's no judgement. It's pure love. I see you   as love, and   their wish is for you to see yourself and feel yourself   as that love as they see you. So it's kind of just letting go of those   hurts patterns, beliefs,   and,   whether,   you know, waiting to come in   or they've   not been able to stay. It's those areas of growth. Who am I now   in this experience? What what isn't true for me anymore? What is my baby showing me in this experience and cocreating with me? They are in it with you absolutely.  

You're not alone.   You're in it together.  

[00:58:03] Unknown:

Oh, what a wonderful finale.   Oh, beautiful. Beautiful.   Oh, I I really have true admiration for what you're doing, Deborah. It's, it's lovely, and I've never heard of such a thing. I mean, I've heard of mediumship and stuff, but not somebody that specializes in   baby mediumship, which is,   wow. I should imagine   such, so many people need it to be fair.   So we we do have to end.   Where can people find you, Lovely, and where can they buy your book?  

[00:58:33] Unknown:

So my website is Deborah Kilby.com.   It's debra,   for Deborah. My dad can never add in the h. We always wanted to keep it simple. So debrakilby.com.   I'm also on Facebook and,   Instagram as deborah kilby healing.   So just drop drop me a message.   Ask away any questions. I do free clarity calls as well to just to chat through because it's nice to meet someone. It's so personal and intimate. We need to have that level of feeling held and trust because we're, you know, we're opening up to something that's super, super sensitive and personal   and just to check that if, you know, if it is for you,   if you're, you know Definitely.  



[00:59:13] Unknown:

Okay, Deborah. Thank you so much for your time, and, we will definitely have to do another 1 and go even more in-depth.   Yes. Lovely. Sorry. I'm chatting away too much. No. No. I loved it. My words there, but, yeah, it was so lovely. Thank you. Care. Thank you very much, sweetheart. Take care. Bye bye.   And that's that. Wow. What an incredible story.   How uplifting.   So I'll be back the same   day. Have an awesome week, guys.