Women's Hour

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Originally broadcast on: http://radiosoapbox.com Radio Soapbox

Women's Hour broadcasts live every Sunday at 7:00p.m. uk time. 

In this episode of Women's Hour, we delve into a heartfelt and enlightening conversation with Captain Joe and Andrea Foulkes. The first half of the show features myself, and my personal struggles with depression and the emotional challenges of parenting as my son grows more independent. I discuss the therapeutic experience of attending a sound healing bath and the emotional release it provided. The conversation touches on the impact of seasonal changes on mental health and the importance of finding new passions as life evolves.

In the second half, Andrea Foulkes, a past life regression teacher and healer, joins the show. Andrea shares her personal journey of dealing with the loss of her parents, particularly the recent passing of her father. She offers practical advice on handling the legal and emotional aspects of losing a parent, including the importance of preparing for end-of-life arrangements. Andrea also discusses her work in healing therapies and the profound experiences she has encountered in her career.

Throughout the episode, both guests provide insights into coping with life's transitions, the importance of self-care, and the power of healing practices.

• Andrea Foulkes on Facebook
• Which Legal Advice
• The Good Funeral Guide

[00:00:01] Unknown:

Good evening to all of the beautiful women out there. You are listening to Women's Hour live on radiosoapbox.com.   It's good to have your company.   Today's date is Sunday, 03/16/2025.   I hope you've all had an amazing week.   So this week, we have the awesome captain Joe for the first half, and then   the second half, the wonderful Andrea Foulkes. So, let's see if captain Joe's with us. Good evening, captain Joe. Are you there?  

[00:00:30] Unknown:

I am. I am. Hopefully, you can hear me better this week.  

[00:00:34] Unknown:

I can. You are obviously not on an aeroplane at this moment in time.  

[00:00:39] Unknown:

No. I'm stationary.   Sat on the wrong way waiting for takeoff.  

[00:00:44] Unknown:

Yeah. You sound much clearer, much clearer.   So how have you been, gorgeous lady?  

[00:00:50] Unknown:

I've been okay. I've been busy   busy working,   busy with the farmer stuff,   trying to get my house in order because, obviously, I have guests arriving in April.   And as you know as you know, sort of because you helped me move. I had quite a lot of stuff and belongings,   didn't I?  

[00:01:14] Unknown:

Just a few. Just a few. And I noticed when we, regularly FaceTime,   I still see boxes   in the background. Yeah.  

[00:01:24] Unknown:

I mean, to be honest, the boxes in the living room and sort of dining room   are minimalistic.   It's the third bedroom that I am   worried about, which is really just acting as a loft.   Everything that's in that room was out of my loft, so I don't have a loft where I So you probably don't really need it, to be fair.   Well, I do. I do.   I do.   I do.  

[00:01:52] Unknown:

Yeah. Third bedroom is one of those things, isn't it? Because all of ours makes its way downstairs, then it makes its way into the garage. That's the final destination.   Yeah.  

[00:02:02] Unknown:

Yeah. So I kinda don't have those things anymore, and it's it's becoming problematic.   But that's what I've been doing. I've been mentally   preparing myself   to attack the house and get it sorted as well as working.  

[00:02:17] Unknown:

What about you? You? What have I what have I been doing? I can't lie. It's been a bit of a miserable week.   And I will talk about it because somebody sent me a lovely email the other day,   a listener   who wanted to just say that I touched her,   with the whole depression side of things. And it always seems I think it's a radio show, isn't it? And you don't wanna be, like, all doom and gloom. But actually, talking about it, there's so many people that do suffer,   and it's nice to hear about other people's stories.  

[00:02:48] Unknown:

No. We're not. So  

[00:02:50] Unknown:

so, basically,   you know, I've been up and down like a bloody yo yo for a couple of months to be there. I do. I've been it's been awful. And then you get a good day and you think, woo, it's over.   Well, this week, it's just literally been the pits. I mean, the pits crying   crying,   just,   oh, miserable.   To the point as well, it's like, I just don't know what to do. Don't know what to do because   nothing theoretically is wrong. There's I've got no worries as such. You know? And it's just riding it out. But,   I decided   on when no. It was Thursday.  

I've had the lovely lady on the show before. She's called Aga.   She runs   a sound healing bath   at the Yurt in Saint Earth. Do you remember? I've told you I've been there before. Yeah. You went a couple of times. Yeah. I've been a couple of times. And when I just feel that need for healing, I just always seek that, like, spiritual pathway, so to speak. So it was like either go to church to bible story at Jackie's church   church or go to the healing thing. Anyway, I decided to go for that. I'll take some time out for myself.   So I bop along, and you all lie down in this yurt, and there's a lot of fire going.  

And there's, like, fairy lights twinkling all the way around. And in the middle of the yurt, it's full of all these beautiful instruments that make all sort of wonderful sounds,   like tuning forks, those sorts of things, and drums.   So you all, like, lie in the circle with your head towards the middle of the circle because you're closest   to all of the instruments, which the frequency is supposed to be, you know, big healing power. And I don't know how you've been this week, but, I think it's been horrendously intense with this full moon.   I've never seeked anger.  

I went nuts.  

[00:04:37] Unknown:

Say that because I was gonna say, how have I been this week? I've been very angry.   You know, I haven't been angry at people. I've   successfully   managed to keep that in, but I've just been like, you look at me again, and I'm gonna rip your head off.  

[00:04:52] Unknown:

Yeah. Yeah. I've been like that driving as well. And I picked Piran up from school on Monday,   and he took 10 pounds in. And I said, you bring home the chain. He wanted to buy something from the science fair. And Piran doesn't really understand the concept of money yet.   But he came home, and he says, yeah. I've got this. And then he said, I gave the rest of my money to my friends to spend.   And I went numb. I went nuts because one of these boys is somebody that makes Piran cry every day. I said, you gave that little bleep   £2 of your money,   and I he was there in tears in the end. I was perhaps a little bit over the top, but   there's a fine line between stupid and being kind, isn't there? And I know Piran's very kind and generous, but he hasn't got the concept you can't buy friends. And it's   like, that's your £10 from your granny each month. She doesn't give that to you to give to your friends.  

Yeah.   Anyway and I but I was so mad. I couldn't calm down. I was like, this is just ridiculous.   And then the next day as well, like, he'd come home and, you know, with a we have a whole eating problem with Pyrrha, and he doesn't eat anything, like, healthy. And he came home today, and he said, I haven't eaten my sandwiches today, blah blah.   Riled me again because I thought, basically,   another day of just eating sugar and crap, and this has got to change. Blah blah blah.   Yeah. Anyway, so it's just been a build up all week. So I go to the healing thing, and I'm thinking   I am feeling really low, but I'm gonna make myself go and do this.  

And you go in, and she's in bright pink clothes. She's got, like, pink eyebrows.   She's nuts. She's just bursting with energy. Anyway, I came in, set up my little station, so to speak. She gives a quick introduction,   and she says how intense it is at the moment with the moon. And she said, if any of you feel that you're struggling with this, because sometimes it will trigger things, she said, just go with your breath.   And I my inner voice was saying,   as if you're gonna make me cry.   Oh, really? That's it was, honestly. I was thinking, god. You're gonna get it. Do it. Play a few little notes and bang a drum and stuff. You're not gonna make me cry.   Anyway, carried on. And I couldn't get comfortable because of my frozen shoulder.  

I was literally   on my back then on my other side, but re it was really painful because you're, like, on the floor lying on a sleeping bag.   And I didn't meditate as such. You just lie there in that peace with the warmth of the fire,   the the room, and it was just very relaxing.   And I had just various thoughts flowing in my mind,   and then Piran came into my mind.   And, oh my god, Jo. Jo.   I sobbed.   You know when you're like,  

[00:07:28] Unknown:

oh. Oh.  

[00:07:29] Unknown:

Oh my god.   And, I was trying to be so quiet, and I was like, shall I look get just get up and leave. I need to get up and leave.   And,   god, it actually makes me feel like I could cry now, actually, because it's such a weird experience.   Anyway, I kept my breath. I kept calm.   Went back into it, just relaxed and stuff, and I thought, crikey, this has been a bit of a massive realization, actually. Actually. And, anyway,   we've you know, but probably twenty minutes later, there was more crying, very quietly. Of course, your nose is all blocked up. You can't blow your nose because everyone's meditating, and you're just stuck with tears and snot all over you.   And, anyway, we finished.  

And she gave me a big hug, and she said, I'll message you tomorrow, Shelley. And she sent me a really lovely message yesterday, and she said, I'm just checking in on you. She said, I didn't think you were right when you walked in last night.   But the realization   that I made   is that I I believe   lots of this depression at the moment   is because I'm kind of moving on to that next step of parenthood.   I'm missing my child,   and some people will know what that feels like. It's like I've gone from 10 to zero.   He doesn't need me.   And it's really weird because it's like I've got this time to start again, do things for me. Of course, he needs me to feed him and do his washing and travel give him lifts,   but no longer is there that mum and Perrin time.  

And it's really hard because Perrin being the way he is, I've always struggled over the years. Like, he never wants to do anything.   And if we go anywhere, it's always like, oh, Theo can come with us. He's very rigid with his schedule and stuff, won't watch movies, blah blah blah blah.   So I feel like I've spent the last, like, seven years trying to do everything I can to get some quality time and stuff with him. And now he's reached that age. His bedroom has been done. He's up in his room. He's gaming with his friends.   And it's actually left me a massive void.  

Yeah. But I I couldn't put my finger on it. But the point being when she was doing the healing and he entered my head,   that is why I cried about Perrin. And I just felt like I'd lost him. Yeah.   So that alongside I think I realized last week as well that, actually,   I do miss my old job. And, you know, we've spoken before. We always say, like, it is what it is because we try to think, well, that'll make everything right. And I think I probably had about six or seven months of every time something bad happens, it is what it is, but it actually picks a bit away something underneath you. You know? And when we were told that we were losing our jobs because the home was closing, I was very like, alright. Okay. Well, that means bigger, brighter things, blah blah. And, of course, none of that's really worked out for me.   And I'm fit I've been feeling for the first time. Do you know what? I love that job. I love the people. I love the structure. I love the routine.  

So I feel like I've had a bit of grief from my job   and my child,   and I think it's just all pent up.   And, you know, I'll just ride this out now. Today, I feel much better,   but I just feel a bit numb and dull. But compared to, like, the last couple of days, loads better, but really weird. So, anyway, that's my,   that's my update for my week, and it can only get better.  

[00:10:48] Unknown:

Wow. But then if you look at it this way, maybe it is a natural I mean,   Maybe this is like a natural   cycle because we're sort of coming out of the darkness. We're coming out of that gloom of winter,   and we're entering into sort of a time where it's more light, it's more warm. Everything's sort of, you know, growing   back. It's almost like you're shedding a skin, and you're stepping into   sort of,   you know, a newer version of you, and you're leaving that old bit behind.   And I think probably we all in some shape or form   move through that as as sort of the change in seasons.  

I mean, don't forget, you know,   inherently, we are just   human beings, and we are we are part of mother nature. So   it's got to, in some shape or form,   affect us, you know, because we're just energy. We're we're very much still connected to the Earth. And I think the changing of the seasons,   obviously, you know, there are different ways it affects different people. But on a much deeper level,   I think   yours has been   amplified,   because of what you've just explained.   You know, like, as soon as you said all, you know, you went to the healing thing and the woman said, how's everybody feeling because, you know, the moon, it's full, it's heavy.   And my instinct or my reaction, sorry, was, well, I've been bloody angry. I just wanna laugh.  

Yeah. Because   I mean and and I suppose if I look at that anger, that comes from a place of being fed up because I feel like   for the whole of the winter,   I've just been   not treading water, but almost stuck in a rut. It's like, oh,   are we doing this again? Did you not get the message? Did you not get the memo? Yes.   And the day before and the day after. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.   Like, hallelujah.   We've finally got some light.   You know,   metaphorically   and physically, we finally got some light. We're actually moving forward. You know? People of the penny's dropped.   You know, that that heaviness for people is starting to lift, but I totally get what you're saying.  

You know, sort of about the childhood   thing.  

[00:13:35] Unknown:

Well, when Wesley got to this agency, I went out and bought a horse and broke it in and stuff. But I haven't got the inclination, all the money, all the time. Well, I might have the time, actually, but I I wouldn't want to commit to a horse.   But it is finding something new. And ironically well, not ironically,   Jess,   who was on last week, Penny Redd,   who does all the horse stuff,   She's been sending me voice notes and stuff.   And, crikey, she's crazy. She is.   But she's really lifted me with her messages, and she said the other day, would you like to come and see the horses and stuff? So I think this afternoon, I might go and see her horses for an hour. And you know how much I love horses. It's just like, I'm not worried about riding them because of this frozen shoulder. She did say we could go for a ride, and I was like, crikey. It'd have to be an old one and slow as anything.   But   it's it's time to start doing some things for me, but it is it is strange. You know? And then then, of course, last time this happened when Perrin got to that age, I got pregnant. Well, I'm not gonna get pregnant now. No way. No. No. But, again, let's take a step back. You just said when Wesley got to Perrin's age, you went out and bought a horse. So it's almost like you didn't deal with that grease  

[00:14:50] Unknown:

of grief of losing a child that's then turning into,   you know, some young   teenager   stroke adult. You didn't deal with it. You just,   preoccupied   your mind with buying a horse.   So you've probably carried that through with parent as well to where you are now.  

[00:15:11] Unknown:

Yeah. Quite possibly. It's a it's a weird thing, isn't it? You do hear people say when their children flee the nest. One of my friends who lives down the road, I saw her out walking the dog the other day, and she said her 18 year old daughter has gone to Australia traveling for a year by herself.   And I'm like, whoo. And she said, Shelly, it's been horrendous. She said, I just don't know what to do with myself. The house is empty.   Yeah.   You know, it must be. And I'm sure so many women,   more so than men because I tried saying to Perrin's dad when he came to pick him up last night. I said, I'm struggling, to be honest with you. I said,   because, you know, more so than you would be, because the way he is, he would always say, well, I'm struggling too. But no.  

You know, I take him to school every day. I pick him up every day. And now I'm just well, I still do those things, but he will scooter and stuff on days. But now it's,   you know, he eats breakfast in his bedroom, comes home from school, he's straight upstairs, and,   it's weird.   You and I would have done that as well. Yeah. I know. I think I just because he was the last one, I tried to enjoy him so much. And I was like, no. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing that. I wanna be as good as I can, the best mom I can be around him. And, weirdly, the like I say, the way he is, he's never wanted to do those things with me. He doesn't sit down and watch movies and silly things like that.   So I've never reached that stage, and now here we are. He's gone anyway.  

But I think as well, perhaps it's time to start getting excited about   the future, you know, what he's gonna turn into. And, actually,   they get older. They slowly turn into your friends, don't they? But, you know, we are only now hitting the teen years. So Yeah. Yeah. Exciting times. You know, you've been through that twice before, so you don't.  

[00:16:54] Unknown:

You know what lies ahead.   Mhmm. You know, I I   I believe that it will all be okay.   It will all be okay in the end. He Yeah. I do as well. You know, you're saying he he sort of is quite rigid in his structure and all the rest of it. But look at it this way. You've been there with him in that structure.   So although   to you   on the face of things, it may not have seemed quality time.   To him,   just having you in the next room   or sit in the other end of the city or whatever it is   would   have would you know, he wouldn't have even thought this, but it would have provided him with something.   Yeah. And if they just confirm the safety net. Yeah. I think he is a well adjusted   kid.  

You know, you and his father aren't together anymore. So   he goes off, you know, whatever day in the week and every other weekend with his father.   I mean, that that's quite a lot for a child to It is. It is. And it is  

[00:18:13] Unknown:

it is gonna get less because he's getting older. And I mean, Wednesday,   his dad picked him up on Wednesday, and he was in one of his moves. He's like, I'm not going. I don't wanna go. I'm gonna chat into my friends. And And I've had to say to, like, his dad, you know, you I think perhaps you should start picking up from picking him up from school   so he doesn't get time to come home and because this is his home. You know? I know he's got a place at dad's, but this is his home. He's got his new bedroom, and he he wants to chat to his friends and game and stuff.   But, you know, it's it's probably hard for Brendan as well, and it can't be very nice turning up to pick up your child and they don't wanna go with you.  

And Laura's like, Piren, you really need to go tonight because I need a lie in in the morning and stuff. I need a day off. And he's like, it's alright. I'll wake myself up and everything.  

[00:18:58] Unknown:

But he  

[00:18:59] Unknown:

I know. He went. And quite a lot when he does get days like that now on a on a Wednesday, I will phone his dad, and I'll say he's not coming tonight. He doesn't want to. And, you   know, I can't help it, but he is getting to that age now as well. He's not gonna want to   he's he wants his friends and stuff. Yeah. So And I think that,  

[00:19:19] Unknown:

you know, not just his his father, but I think every parent needs to accept that. You know? Yeah. Yeah. That that that is part of the journey.   That is part of the journey. All we can do is   support them on that and always, like you said, always let them know they have a safety net. We are that that.  

[00:19:41] Unknown:

But, yeah, I do get it. I do get it. Bless you. So thank you, Jo, for listening, and dear   listeners. I've all alluded. I'll pay my bill later. I do apologize if you can hear the dog in the background. I think someone's turned up and, god, they choose their moments, don't they? Oh. So, anyway,   enough of me. We've got five minutes left.   Tell me some news. What's going on with the farmers?  

[00:20:06] Unknown:

Well, the farmers aren't happy   as everybody knows, but   less so now because it appears   every week, the government is throwing something   new at them.   And, you know, I'm certainly not giving the government any any credit or kudos.   But   in the recent past when they would   throw things at the farmers,   you know, in terms   of,   oh, you're not gonna do this or you're gonna have to do that, there would be a degree of notification.   So   two weeks ago,   it has now come about that   the government   have ordered a compulsory   purchase order   of farmland,   I e, greensites.  

So when Labour came into government, the ginger growler that she's nicknamed   Angela Rayner,   who is head of I don't know what her correct title is, but she's head of housing.   Okay? Housing and development   for the nation.   She had pledged   that   by the year   2030,   I think, funny that in it, you know, World Economic Forum twenty twenty thirty agenda.   But, anyway, she had pledged by the year 2030   that in England alone, there will be   x amount   of houses   being built   And some bright spark, god bless them, thank goodness,   had did the statistics on that. And there isn't enough   brownfield   sites   in The UK   to   build those houses upon.  

So, you know, that person was almost like the canary in the mines, and they were, like, going, oh my god. You know, Angela Rayner, she's gonna start coming after farmland and.   So people were aware of that. And like I said, two weeks ago, the government came out and said, oh, actually, yeah, we're making it a compulsory purchase order to buy farmland   to build houses upon.   Okay. So that's one issue.   Tied in with that is they also said   that we will only give you   market value price   for it,   but they won't give the farmers the   development price for it.  



[00:22:43] Unknown:

Right.  

[00:22:44] Unknown:

And,   you know, if if you were being paid development price for it because you knew that   your land was gonna have houses built on it, the land would be a lot more.   So they're losing out financially   as well, and they're being pushed into a corner where they have no option, but they have to sell their land to the government.   So they had fair warning of that. And   when she came out and said it, obviously, there was lots of grumbling, and then there's lots of work in the background to sort of try and counteract that.   But this week, with no warning   whatsoever,   the government have taken away what they call SFI,   Sierra Foxtrot   Indigo,   and they are   sustainable farming   incentives.  

So the government   or you would apply to the government by an application   form for a certain amount of money to be able to   sustain you throughout your farming   year.   Well, the government have just gone, nah. Pull in the plug on that and didn't notify   any of the farmers.   So   a lot of them, I think you had to get this form in before April.   So   hundreds upon thousands of farmers   have now missed out on being able to apply for that. So they don't have   that   that sum of money, whatever it is,   to sustain them   for the next following twelve months, April to April.   So,   you know, that's another nail in the coffin for the farming industry, which naturally the government want.  

So not only have they come in and they're landing with inheritance   tax that they can't pay, which will force them to sell their land.   Angela Rayner is now making a compulsive purchase order on their land,   and now they're pulling their   financial   subs to the farmers.   Whatever way you look at it, they're basically shafting the farmers to get those farmers   off the land   to stop farming.   So then the question is, well, why would they wanna do that? And, of course, that's a whole another very long winded conversation,   but that's what's happening.  

So the farmers   are, you know,   to a degree, they're still really angry. But when   you constantly   have   people   putting the knife in and the boots in,   you know, you you reach a degree of apathy where you then go, you know, is there any   point? Is there any point to,   you know, this fight? Because they're gonna continue getting us.   So that's been a bit of a battle with the farmers to say, well, yes. Actually, there is. Because although this is about you and your livelihood right now, this is about your family   and passing down your business to your family members. This is about your heritage   that, you know, your parents, your grandparents, your great grandparents   have all gone before   work in this land.  

And now   without a fight, you you wanna let it go.   So that's been a bit of hard work to kind of keep the morale up.   So that's what's happening in the farming world. Wow. Wow.  

[00:26:17] Unknown:

God. Lots going on then. Lots going on.   Yeah. I wish we could elaborate more on that, but we've gotta close because I've got Andrea coming up in literally a minute. But, yeah, we'll talk we'll talk more more. It's,   it's gotta be talked about. Gotta be talked about. It has. It has. Definitely.  

[00:26:35] Unknown:

The public on board.   Yeah. And and and when I say the public, I mean worldwide   public. And I know that they are, but they really need to sort of start coming forward and and   and and go into rallies and go into protests and   lobby in their their MPs and their counselors   And whatever those positions are worldwide,   the public worldwide needs to start doing that.  

[00:27:02] Unknown:

Definitely. Well, thank you, young captain Jo Wood. It was lovely to talk to you.  

[00:27:06] Unknown:

And as always.  

[00:27:08] Unknown:

I will catch you in the week.   Okeydoke.   Take care, my lovely. Alright. Bye. Bye bye.   Well, that was   Now part two of women's hour, we have the awesome Andrea Thalkes.   Andrea   is a past life regression   teacher,   healer.   She's a woman of many talents,   and I wanted to get her on the show because she's she's had a tough time lately losing her father   and all the problems that she's had to endure,   well, being an only child and stuff. So, good evening, Andrea, and welcome to the show.  

[00:27:42] Unknown:

Thank you, Shelley. Yes. I mean, I suppose I should start off by saying that, you know, for the last   twenty four this is my twenty fifth year of being   therapist. And you mentioned the past lives, but it's in in what I do, I actually do womb healing, inner child healing, ancestral timeline healing,   past life regression. And as as you know and many maybe people listening know, I started off doing this on on television in The UK on ITV.   And all those years experience,   you know,   did prepare me in some level to deal with a mum with dementia,   you know, for quite a few considerable   years.  

And, my mum passed away three years ago, and then my dad passed away   on the 11/29/2024.   And I say that to set the scene   for being an only child who doesn't have a partner and doesn't have any children.   And   even with all that plethora of experience,   the gravitas   of losing   a parent   does not prepare you for the last parent going, I think, is what I want to say.  

[00:29:00] Unknown:

Well, I mean, it's still pretty raw, isn't it? I mean, you're talking, what, the November.   It's only now the March.   And I've, you know, I know you're a dear friend and I follow you on Facebook.   And some of the posts and the troubles,   but the things that you found clearing out the house as well that I feel like I've shared your journey   to what it must be like   losing   a parent and, you know, the stuff that you have to deal with after.  

[00:29:28] Unknown:

I mean, I don't know about your listeners,   and it may be different, but they may well resonate with what I'm saying. Because in the journey that I've been on, you know, since my mum passed away three years ago and the preparation of that, and I always call my parents my elderly toddlers,   you know, because I think in earnest, my mom's dementia really took a hold, and I found it changed my life probably from about 02/1718.   But with dementia, your parent is slowly leaving.   Whereas with the last parent going   or maybe it's the one who is mentally still capable.  

My father was 98,   but he was very much of sane mind.   And it's also the journey of taking over responsibility   for your parents',   you know, bills, finances,   things like that because although they can be of same mind, they're not always capable.   And the thing is they say, oh, they want to declutter their houses, but the truth of it is they often are not in a space to be able to do that. And with my dad, he would argue to keep a piece of string.   So in the end, you go, it's not worth doing this. I'm just gonna, you know, let them live in their house. And I, you know, was very blessed that I was in a position to let my parents   live in their own home. They didn't have to go in a care home. But now I'm left like a lot of people will find themselves in a sliding scale of what I'm going through, which is a house they've lived in for sixty five years.  

And, you know, what I want to say, I suppose, is, you know, we talk about this a lot, things you should learn in school. And if there was something you should have learned in school and something that should have prepared you   for the gravitas of what you're going to have to deal with, either decluttering   your parents' house,   you know,   the paperwork that you're gonna have to trawl through, and the fact that some point in your parents' life, they're going to have to fill in a lasting power of attorney for health and finances.   And in my experience, I would say to people, you know,   get your parent to agree to sign the lasting power of attorney   for health or finances   earlier in their life when they're not incapacitated.  

Because once your parent is diagnosed with dementia, you can't really fill in a lasting power of attorney.   And, also, I would say you do not need to pay a solicitor thousands of pounds to fill in a lasting power of attorney.   You file one now for health and you file one for finances and you file them separately for each parent.   And I think I may be wrong, but at the time we're speaking now, which is like March   2025,   I think they're in the realm of about a hundred pounds each whereas if you went to a solicitor, they'd probably try and charge you a thousand pounds or so. And I think a lot of this, it's like the probate that you'll have to potentially   file when your parent dies. You can fill in these forms yourselves.  

They're not particularly   that easy, some of them,   but I actually pay and this is some good advice to tell people. I pay for which legal advice,   and it works out approximately about £10 a month. And you can ring up which legal advice and ask for legal advice on all kinds of things   pertaining to boundary issues, house issues,   consumer rights issues, but also   will writing a will, probate, dealing with the passing of your parents and the legalities of that. So it doesn't have to cost you a fortune.  

[00:33:12] Unknown:

Oh, that's a good idea. I've never heard of anything like that before.  

[00:33:16] Unknown:

Yeah. So I I mean, I suppose that's my passion to share with people. Don't feel overwhelmed even if you do end up having to pay a solicitor   in the end. Try and get some free advice in the beginning, and try and Google and look up what you can find,   you know, first of all.   Because there is so much to do with, and it seems like losing the last parent   is huge.   You know? It's it's you're an orphan. I know it sounds ridiculous to say you're an orphan, but you are. You know? And if you don't have a sibling, it's even more profound   perhaps.  

But then I speak to people who have got siblings, and it just brings up all the unresolved conflict with the sibling as well.  

[00:34:02] Unknown:

Well, talk about,   oh, gosh. What was that word? You just overwhelmed.   Talking about being overwhelmed,   how overwhelmed was you when you went to your parents' house and actually begun   the process?  

[00:34:17] Unknown:

Overwhelmed doesn't understand. I mean, I think the thing is, you know,   our parents have a level of privacy.   And in general, we don't, you know, I I I can't speak for other people, but we don't go around poking in every cupboard,   because we were and especially if it was your childhood home, which it was my childhood home. They've lived in the same house for sixty five years. And as a child, you were not encouraged to poke in every cupboard and drawer.   And all of a sudden, the adults have left, and you have the right to poke in every cupboard and drawer. You can move every ornament, every piece of furniture, every item of   clothing that they   owned.  

And and you don't want to. That's the weird thing. You don't want to move those things because they're where they put them. And yet you have to move those things now. And they, you know, my parents had an awful lot of things maybe because they were so old and they had never moved house since they got married.   So they've lived in the same house, and they were extremely   neat hoarders. But on top of that,   they'd had other family friends who'd also not got any children,   and,   they'd helped in the clearing of their things, and they'd taken some of their furniture.   So we've got all of dead people's possessions as well as my own parents' possessions.  

My parents had a walk in loft where I've uncovered,   you know, my mom's   brother who sadly died in the the Korean War when he was 20, letters from the front line that I'd never seen in my life.  

[00:35:56] Unknown:

And how do you make a decision about that? Because, I mean, presumably   I say presumably because I would want to read them,   and I suppose that's someone's history, isn't it? That's history there.   What what do you intend to do with them?  

[00:36:10] Unknown:

Well, I mean, with with those particular letters, I had to be quite firm with myself and say, you know, Andre, you've got so much to do. Don't start drifting down reading these letters because there are a lot of them. And also my dad was in the merchant navy, so there's a lot of letters that he wrote to my mum and I   that I found. And, of course, in due course, I do want I would like to read these letters, but you've got to prioritize.   And I think you've got to put what's a priority, and there may be some other family members that would like to read those letters.   But also, I found,   books because my dad had had the ability to work with telecommunications   and do Morse code and, you know, he's had quite an interesting   beginning of his life.  

I had books   that he'd learned how to wire telecommunications   and things like that. But I also found out that there was a secret bunker in Cheshire where they're from near Nantwich,   And I only found this out after he passed, and I think this is the same for a lot of us. We're going to find out who and who our parents were and things they did because they signed the Official Secrets Act. They actually acted as if they were still under the Official Secrets Act. So I found out my dad had been one of the people who wired a secret bunker in the nineteen fifties in Nantwich   after he passed away.  



[00:37:31] Unknown:

Wow. That is amazing.  

[00:37:34] Unknown:

And so I found the books that he's got his name in, and I've offered them to the museum,   and they're very grateful to take those items. So it's kind of   I think with a lot of the items,   you know, people are very quick to say get a house clearance company,   but you really can't do that, you know. And depending on what kind of people your parents were,   you know, even when the beds went, cash fell out from under the mattress and bank books that were last seen in 02/2011.   So, you know, you do have to be thorough. You do have to go through the clothes and the coat pockets   because, you know, that generation   did put money in in pockets and hide things away.  



[00:38:20] Unknown:

It's quite fascinating.   Like you say, I know at some point, though, you're gonna have to come back and look at all of these things and find out more. I mean, I know you've spoke before about your dad working for the secret services. I mean,  

[00:38:34] Unknown:

crikey. Imagine how much information is in all of those books and those letters. Well, I'm not sure he worked for the secrets. I think he signed the official secrets act for the thing that he was doing because he was in the merchant navy,   and he was in the Korean War.   And he obviously survived the Korean War, but my uncle, my mom's brother died on the front line of the Korean War. And my dad was also in the Lovett Scouts in in the second World War in Greece and Italy in total for about three and a half years.   So, I mean, to this day, I don't really know exactly what he got up to, but I know in the Korean War, he was,   fueling the warships.  

So so they were out at sea fueling warships,   and he said they were bombing around them. So, you know, at one point in his life, he did say you don't know what fear is. You know? You've you've not been surrounded by   people trying to bomb you, you know, in in a ship. So   in today's era, you know, most of us won't have lived under that kind of fear and also under that level of secrecy.  

[00:39:39] Unknown:

No. No. I've been reading quite a bit about World War two lately, actually,   and it's a real eye opener because, you know, you go through school and you just see the children have their, like, evacuee packs and stuff like that.   And it's those sort of things, they keep it quite soft and gentle in school, don't they? But   the horrors.   Absolutely.  

[00:39:59] Unknown:

Yeah. And my mom was in the WAFS, which is the women's auxiliary air force, and so was her sister.   And, you know, I've got pictures of my mom in RAF Brampton in 1948.   And when I've Googled it, it says RAF Brampton didn't officially exist until 1953.   And my dad said, oh, good luck in asking her what she did in the in the WAF because, you know, even when I met her, she wouldn't tell me because, you know, they'd signed and made these declarations   of secrecy.  

[00:40:32] Unknown:

I couldn't imagine living with someone and not sharing a secret like that.   Oh, wow. Because, you know, your work is what you talk about, isn't it, when you're in a relationship and things like that?   So you've talked about your mum. How did you get on with your mum, Andrea?   Because I I get from previous conversations that we've had,   you had a odd sort of relationship with her. Am I allowed to say that, or was that rude?  

[00:40:59] Unknown:

I don't I don't know whether it's odd. I mean, I just   had to my mum had dementia for quite a long time. So you have a different kind of relationship   with them. And   I suppose it's it's hard to analyze,   you know, what it is once they've got dementia because they've had dementia for such a long time   and they become like a child. And I think   everybody's   mother will be different with dementia but you know I made a lot of videos about my mum and my journey with my mum with dementia which went on to Facebook mainly   and she sung she sung a lot and thankfully she had a nice   voice with her singing.  

But she was more like a child, you know, she wasn't,   she wasn't an adult anymore but she was cute with it which in a way was a blessing that she was cute with her dementia.   And there is a, you know, a lot of dark side to dementia with the personal care because,   you know, people would think, oh, she looks nicely turned out. She looks nicely dressed.   But, you know, as the dementia progresses, they don't necessarily   have the capacity to dress themselves.   You know, I was very lucky my mum was still mobile and could walk,   and could still still speak to more or less the very end. And my mum didn't pass away with dementia. She passed away with a tumour in her mouth which was you know very upsetting and very unpleasant and came on very very quickly.  

And so it I think losing I think the difference between losing my mum and losing my dad was my mum was checking out very slowly   and I had this, you know, long time to prepare for it. And although I will say I had a long time to prepare for my dad's passing because he was 98 like I said and a lot of people who are listening are gonna be losing their parents, You   know, probably most people will lose their parents at a much younger age than I lost my parents.   But I'm an only child of much older parents, so I was older.   So my parents were older when they had me. And so the relationships   that I had with my parents,   you know, would be from a different era, you know, because my parents   were born in 1926   and 1930   which would probably be the time your   grandparents   were born.  



[00:43:29] Unknown:

Yes. Yes. Because my nan was well, she would have been a hundred   last year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. They've seen a lot.  

[00:43:38] Unknown:

So the relationship I had with my mum was different because of her do I and and also nursing my mum. You know, the thing I'd say about if you've nursed,   you know, a person who's very poorly   at home on your own, I would not recommend that because   it's a lot of work. And if you haven't got the right care in place to support you,   and my mum passed coming out at the end of COVID,   would I walk that journey again?   Mentally, it would be a lot easier if you're prepared, but you're dealing with the shock of your parent being diagnosed that they're dying very quickly,   and you don't have time to prepare for it. And it's mentally and physically   exhausting   nursing somebody at home.  

Whereas my my dad, you know, although he had end stage heart failure for many, many years and he had severe heart attacks when I was 10,   and he still, you know, lived to me being 54,   he died suddenly.   So there's a huge difference between,   often people don't want to do the funeral state away. Some people want to, you know,   just put the body somewhere in storage while they regroup and think about the funeral. And I think if you've nursed   a a a family member or someone you love   and   you're exhausted   yourself, you're really on your knees, and you do need a break before you can face the funeral.   Whereas what I found with my dad was because you didn't know when he was going to pass, he just passed suddenly. And,   probably the the nicest way anyone would want to pass fully dressed with having drank half a cup of tea in the kitchen,   then you're dealing with the shock. But shock sends you into, like, fight or flight and and so you have the energy   to to do a funeral and then you crash and burn later. So they're the things that I found were different with organizing   a funeral.  

And the other thing I'd say to people is there's a great book called The Good Funeral Guide and   people will go oh my goodness that's so morbid but no it's not.   If any of you have got loved loved ones that you know at some point in your life, you you are more than likely going to be the one organizing a funeral,   I would read that book in advance and I would do the research. And I did it years ago because,   I I rang the funeral directors and I said nobody I love has died. I'm just doing some research because when one of my parents finally die,   I'm going to be in shock and upset and I want to have already done the research to know all the things that I will need to do   so that I'm prepared. And I would tell anybody to do that, that it's a really good thing to do that.  



[00:46:27] Unknown:

Oh, crikey. That just feels really morbid.  

[00:46:31] Unknown:

Yeah. But it but, honestly,   it will be the gift and it sounds awful thing to say. The gift that keeps giving. Because if you've researched it   ahead of time   and there are lots of little things that you might want to consider and, you know, I had to make all the choices myself. I don't have to speak with a sibling   or, you know, it was whatever I wanted I had to do. When my mum died, yes, I spoke with my dad and we decided what we wanted to do,   but there was something that I thought was very special for me personally. And because I work in healing therapies and sound healing as well, I do a lot of sound healing with light language.   There's something called charging of the body if you're having a cremation.  

And, you know, often people go, oh, well, the curtain closes and we all walk out of the crematorium, but the but the coffin is still on the other side of the curtain.   It's not the end, you know. The end is the body actually going into the burner.   And for me, I wanted to see that happen. Now some religions,   you know, that's part of their journey that they will be there when they see the body go into the burner. It's called the charging of the body, and you have to ask for that to happen.   And in general, they'll only let three people be there.  

[00:47:53] Unknown:

Right. I've never heard of this before. You never cease to  

[00:47:56] Unknown:

be able to say So it's called charging of the body. So   I sang as you know, for you listeners, like a sound healing, a sound bath,   as my mum and my dad went into the burner. And I you know, for my mum, I was the only one there. And for my dad, the celebrant who ended up being a friend of mine,   she was there and and the funeral directors. And and my friend said for my dad that the sounds that came out of me for this sound healing as my dad went into to the burner were so phenomenal. She said she saw one of the funeral directors with a tear running down his eye. It was so profound. Right. Okay. So we were just talking about charging of the body.  

[00:48:38] Unknown:

So explain this process, Andrea, because I've never heard of anything like this before.  

[00:48:43] Unknown:

Well, it's I mean, after you leave the crematorium,   you know, the body's got to go in the burner.   So behind   all crematoriums   have their own own burner and they have to be at a certain temperature, and I think some crematoriums   probably do a guided tour at some point where you can go and go and see it. I mean English people just have this sort   of, you know,   I don't need to know that much detail personality   in general. You're either on the I don't need to know that much detail   or you'll be like me. I need to know everything.   And for me personally   on my spiritual journey, I need to see my loved one if they are choosing to be cremated as is their wish.  

I need to see them go into the burner and it has to be a certain temperature and people always ask questions,   you know, is it more than one coffin that goes in there? No. It's just one coffin   and, you know, if you have a pacemaker   or things like that, they have to be removed before the cremation   because you can't put those in the burner and, you know, any metal bits of your body will be left at the end. And I could go into more detail because,   you know, if you were in   probably,   China   or,   I'm trying to think. There's somewhere around, you know, that kind of area of the world   and and they might read the bones of the body and they might mean something after the cremation but in The UK   we don't give people the bones back you know they are they are crushed and ground down to ash and we give people the ash back and that might be too much information   for some people. They don't want to know that. But I think we should educate ourselves.  

You know, this is the thing we have   we have the biggest fear about wanting to know what happens to the body when we die, and it's good to know, you know, whether you choose to be buried or you choose to be cremated. It's good to know, I think.  

[00:50:52] Unknown:

Yeah. I mean, I would say I am relatively morbid, to be honest with you. I mean, I went to see I went to see my nan   when she'd passed in the coffin.   And but I want I had questions that were never answered. Just silly things like, were her eyes open when she passed?   Was her mouth open when she passed?   Just really silly questions, but, like, I just wanted to know. But I went to see her at the morgue, and, she looked beautiful.   She looked almost like she had a little smile, actually.   But as I was leaving, I still had this ghostly  

[00:51:29] Unknown:

sore.   Well, I mean, you know, when when you die I mean, here's here's a bit more information that I know. You know, when you die, you know, if your eyes aren't closed, you have to put some that's why they always put pennies on your eyes, you know, to hold your eyelids down as soon as you pass. And in general, most people's jaws will fall open after they've died.   That's why in the olden days, they would have a silk scarf and, you know, tie it around your head to keep your jaw closed.   But most people's mouths will naturally   draw drop open and then the funeral directors will probably,   close them much later. And   the body also, apparently, according to the funeral director, you get rigor mortis to begin with and then it relaxes   much later.  

So you can move the body later.  

[00:52:23] Unknown:

Oh. I've actually  

[00:52:26] Unknown:

But I say all this, but I I, you know, I   give so much respect to people who work   at a funeral directors.   I could not do that job messing with dead bodies in a million years. And I once met the most beautiful   pretty girl, she looked like she made fairy cakes but actually she was an embalmer   and, you know, she embalmed bodies and she loved it. And I think   I think in general, we're moving away from embalming bodies so much because it is a toxic fluid that you have to put in.   And, you know, since the COVID times, I'm not sure it's that easy to embalm bodies anymore.  

[00:53:08] Unknown:

No. Well, regarding ashes, I've got some of my nan's ashes in my bedside drawer.   Oh.   Yeah. I know. But I, like, kinda think, what bit of this is her?   Yeah. She was she would laugh.  

[00:53:21] Unknown:

Yes. And you don't have to get rid of the ashes straight away, and there are a huge amount of ashes, you know, so if there were a lot of children and grandchildren,   you know, there is a lot of ashes to go around.   So everybody can have a little bit and do maybe what what they wanted to do or what their loved one wanted them to do. And for me personally, it's about honoring,   you know, I think ask that person way before they ever die, you know, what are your wishes, you know, what would you like to happen to you when you die? Do you want to be buried? Do you want to be cremated?   You know, what kind of music would you like? Do you want a religious ceremony? Do you want a non religious   ceremony?  

Because, you know, I think a lot of families end up arguing   over what they think their loved one wanted. Whereas if you've had this conversation and you've made notes and you've written it down,   then it makes the process of grieving so much easier because you've got a complete guide for what to do. You know what this person wanted. You know where they where they wanted to be buried or cremated. You know what what kind of clothing they wanted  

[00:54:35] Unknown:

Yeah. It is it is a good idea to be,   be prepared. And I did you know, I remember having that conversation about music with my nan, but she never really believed until the end. She was so scared. Bless her.   Anyway,   there was one more question I wanted to ask you because I don't know if I dreamt this, but I know you mentioned just now, the good book about funerals or something.   Did you not purchase a book called the good book about death or something? A good death? It was The Good Funeral Guide. So it was that one?  

[00:55:06] Unknown:

Yeah. It's called The Good Funeral Guide, and it's got a blue cover. Or they might have changed the cover, but when I read it years ago, it was The Good Funeral Guide. And I also remember at the time when I was doing my research that I saw on YouTube,   again, we presume   so much about funerals.   You don't need to spend a   funeral director. And there was a video I watched on YouTube of a lady who went to collect her mother who passed away from the hospital morgue,   and her and her husband literally turned up with a motorhome.   And, you know, there was no coffin. They just put their mother in the back of the motorhome and drove off to some, you know, green burial site,   got their spades out. It was all approved. You know? And and they literally dug a hole for their mother, had a cup of tea, popped her in there,   covered her over, had some sandwiches, and then drove off.  

You know?  

[00:56:05] Unknown:

I love it. I love it. Oh, I'm I'm sure you had a book. Because, I mean, you were helping your mom on her final days, weren't you?  

[00:56:12] Unknown:

Yes. Yes. And and for me, you know, it was very important to you know, and they always say, you know, your loved one often leaves when you leave the room, and that that happened for me.   But I think you really need to give them permission to go. You really you know, and I've been there when other, you know, before other people go and, you know, I've intuitively   got the feeling that they're waiting for their grandchildren   to come and, you know, when I've known that the grandchildren are not going to come, I've, you know, I've said things like, you know, your grandchildren love you, but they're not gonna be able to come and, you know, you need to and then mention the names of the people in spirit who do love them, that, you know, they're gonna be there for them. Because the last thing to go when you're dying is your hearing.  

[00:57:01] Unknown:

Yes. Yes.  

[00:57:02] Unknown:

You know, so you really want to, you know and I think a lot of the time,  

[00:57:15] Unknown:

nan, she was so scared of death. She really was because she never had any beliefs or anything like that. And the last couple of times I saw her in the last couple of days of her life, she kept saying that people kept coming and sitting on her bed.   And I knew then that it was close, you know, because you couldn't get on the bed if you wanted to. It was obviously some form of spirit. And you quite often hear that, don't you? That people think that they can see people they know, and, oh, I believe they do. Yeah. And they and they often wave my mum waved her hands in the air. I think I think they wave their hands in the air because they're seeing,  

[00:57:50] Unknown:

you know, beings in other dimensions that are, you know, coming to get them. And you hear from near death experiences   that if it's not your time to go, you really can't go. You know, the etheric silver cord that's attached to you will pull you back into your body.   So I do think you can, you know, only go when it's your time to go.  

[00:58:13] Unknown:

Wow.   Well, I didn't think we'd end up on this part of the conversation, actually, Andrea.  

[00:58:18] Unknown:

We're coming to an end. I don't know where I thought we were gonna go. So, I don't know what you thought we where we were going to go. I just knew I just knew we'd have an amazing conversation because it's always an amazing conversation. I mean, I hope for the listeners that we've covered quite a few tangents,   and I I don't want you know, my intention isn't to leave people with a morbid thought. I think it's to empower people, isn't it? To to know,   you know, let's take the taboo subjects out of the cupboard. Let's talk about these things. And, you know, grieving is a terrible thing and it's a journey and I don't think it ever really has a true destination.   I just think you learn to live   with the changes in your life   and you have to pace yourself. And I think, you know, grief   I've, you know, I've seen I've seen grief grief in, you know, losing someone I dated. I've seen grief in losing my parents,   and that shock and grief is different for every single person   that you grieve and lose. You know, I've lost friends, and   the grieving process is very different. And it's very different when you have practical things that you have to do and you're you're responsible   for those things as well.  



[00:59:34] Unknown:

Definitely.   Definitely. A good sum up. Right, Andrea.  

[00:59:38] Unknown:

Tell people where they can find you. Well, if they love what I'm saying, you know, my main thing that I do, like I said before, is inner child healing, ancestral timeline healing.   I do do spirit placement, past life regression,   and the light language sound healing, and they can find me. I love all social media, but mainly I love Facebook.