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Join us in this thrilling episode as we delve into the world of mystery and intrigue with the classic tale, "The Stolen White Elephant," adapted from the work of Mark Twain. Our story begins with Major Smathers, who is entrusted with the sacred task of delivering a white elephant to Queen Victoria. However, during a stopover in New York City, the elephant mysteriously disappears. Enter Inspector Blunt, a detective of unparalleled skill and cunning, who takes on the Herculean task of recovering the stolen elephant. As the investigation unfolds, we are taken on a journey filled with unexpected twists, humorous encounters, and the relentless pursuit of justice.
In this captivating narrative, we witness the challenges faced by Inspector Blunt as he navigates through a web of clues and deception. With the fate of an empire hanging in the balance, the stakes are high, and the pressure is on. Will Inspector Blunt succeed in his mission, or will the elusive white elephant remain hidden forever? Tune in to discover the outcome of this riveting mystery, where the lines between reality and imagination blur, and the true nature of genius is revealed.
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Come in. Welcome. I'm e g Marshall, moderator of these mystic meanderings. As you must surely know by this time, certainly we remind you of that fact often enough, the detective story was invented by our own Edgar Allan Poe. For all the good it did him, Poe died virtually of starvation. Arthur Conan Doyle, an Englishman, took all of the principles laid down by Poe and proceeded to make a fortune with sherlock holmes whoever said life was fair this earth mark playing no end and so determined to strike a blow for America he wrote a satire to put Conan Doyle in his place.
And in this battle between the titans, all of us are the winners as you are about to hear. Inspector, I've been robbed of what? An elephant. An elephant. A white elephant. Well, what do you want us to do? I want you to find him for me. Find an elephant on the streets in New York City and a white elephant at that? Well, I realized the difficulty. If you lost a dog or a cat or even a pet mouse, why don't I offer a reward. This will tax our resources to the utmost. With so many places of concealment, how does one find a stolen white elephant? Is this task beyond the powers of the New York City detective force? Sir, nothing is impossible for a New York detective.
Our mystery drama, the stolen white elephant, was adapted from the Mark Twain classic, especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dann and stars Robert Dryden and Ian Martin. It is sponsored in part by Time Magazine and Buick Motor Division. I'll be back shortly with that
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one.
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Mark Twain, being duly sworn, deposes as follows. This curious history was related to me by a chance railroad acquaintance. He was a gentleman of more than 70 years of age, and his thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his lips. He said It was in the year '25 or '8, or was it, 07/07? No. No. No matter. I was a major in her imperial majesties bingo dancers in India. You know? And one morning, I suppose, it was a lunch or it might have been in the evening.
But anyway, I was summoned by my commanding officer, Colonel Chumley Hogan Yale or had he been recalled, then
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there's no better. As I say, I was summoned
[00:03:53] Unknown:
sit down, Smethurst. Sit. As you know, what I am, miss? Why, suppose I might find it on the map, Colonel. Well, it seems that the king, kicked up no end of a row of the border of some such wrath. Yes, sir. A cheesy beggar? Well, he was treated to a whiffle grape shot, I can tell you. That brought him to his senses. He what? Quick enough. Yes, sir. Well, as a sign of his gratitude, he intends to send her majesty a token of his esteem. Yes, sir. An elephant. An elephant. A white elephant. Why a white elephant? The the river seems it's a sacred animal and all that sort of thing? But whatever will the queen do with the white elephant? Is not the reason why, Smithers.
You are placed in command of the white elephant party. Yes, sir. I must remind you that the fate of her majesty's Indian empire is in your hands. Mhmm. Therefore, you are to guard the beast with your life. It shall be done, sir. It's up to you, Smethurst, to deliver this white elephant into the hands of the queen. Into her hands? Smathers. England expects every man to do his duty. Well, sir, a ship was fitted out for me, and my servants and all officers were in attendance of the elephants. And together with the elephants, we sailed across the Pacific and landed at San Francisco.
There, a special train awaited us, and we crossed your great country arriving a week later in the city of New York. I had come to know my child rather well. We spent many happy hours together. He was a rather an intelligent elephant taken by a nod, but he he did have a somewhat limited vocabulary. When we arrived in New York and I placed my charge in admirable quarters while we awaited the boat that was to take us home again to England. I, meanwhile, was enjoying the sights of your fine metropolis, little realizing the catastrophe that lay in store.
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And then
[00:06:09] Unknown:
late one night, my slumber was disturbed by my agitated servant. Farib. Farib. And leave the land of dreams. Arise from a week. Farib, there is news. News. Ganga Das? What is it? What? Ominous news, Sahib. Frightening news. Ganga Das, will you just tell me The elephant. Oh, yes. Yes. The elephant. The secret white elephant. Our elephant. Well, what about the elephant? The elephant is gone gone, stolen. But I don't see that. I would say something else if that would make the Sahib happy. I rushed to the building where we had caught the elephant, and there was a gaping hole in the back wall as if somebody had broken through the bricks and masonry and thus been able to make away with the elephant. Oh, yes. The place was in ruins and so was my career.
I had failed. The fate of the empire had been placed in my hands and I had thought of. I could look forward only to ruin and disgrace. And then I remembered that I was in New York where the head of the detective force was the celebrated inspector Blunt. Ho ho ho. If anyone could save me, if anyone could restore that elephant. You realize, major Smarter's Herculean nature of this assignment? Oh, indeed, inspector. I do. An elephant, especially a white elephant, one does not easily lay one's hands on a creature of this sort in New York. Oh, I realize this, inspector. There are hundreds, virtually thousands of places where one could hide a white elephant. That is true. Why? If you weren't looking for him, you could pass him on a street and hardly notice him. As of course, I appreciate the difficulty, but tell me tell me that you will take the case. Inspector Blunt, you are my only hope. A stolen white elephant.
Think of it. Trying to find a stolen white elephant. It's got looking for a needle in a haystack beat all over. Major Smethys, I'm your man. Inspector Blunt. Oh, I tell you he was a man to inspire confidence. He was a tall, thin man with a strong, compact frame, a person of no common order, calm and in command. This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken. Oh, yes, sir. And secrecy must be obtained. Of course. Not just plain secrecy, but profound secrecy. I understand. Speak to no one, not even to the reporters. I will handle the press personally.
I will tell the fourth estate only what it will suit my ends to let them know. Now the business systematically, for nothing can be accomplished in the detective business without strict and minute method. Oh, I'm sure I agree, inspector. Nice. The name of the elephant? His name. Yes. Hafsan Benare bin Zidim Abdallah Muhammad al Hamel Sultan Abi Butor. Do you have a nickname? Jumble. Place of birth? I am. Parents living at death? Dead, I believe. Impressive. Well, is it important that one must be thorough in these affairs? Now can you describe this elephant? Oh, yes. Of course. It was a fight. Edithon, sir. I'm afraid we must do better than that.
Height, ninety feet. Length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26 feet. Length of trunk, 16 feet. Length of tusk, nine and a half feet. Feet. Any distinguishing marks. Distinguishing mark. Well, now, it would seem to me that My dear Major, this minute detail may be boring to you, but the fact is the more closely we can describe the elephant, the easier he'll be to identify. Well, I don't know about marks, inspector, but you might also add that he likes to squirt water on people, a little through his trunk, of course. How?
Well, we'll be able to identify him now beyond the shadow of a doubt. How about it? I have 50,000 copies of this description printed at once and mailed to every defective office in pawnshop on a continent. Pawnshop, Victor? A favorite destination for thieves with stolen merchandise. I hadn't thought of that. No. It'll be necessary to offer a reward. And what sum would you suggest, inspector? To begin, $25,000. $25,000? Well, it's an intricate difficult case. There are thousand avenues of escape and unlimited opportunities of concealment, and these thieves have friends everywhere.
These thieves? Then you you do know who they are. Never mind about that. I may, I may not. It'll be necessary to describe this elephant further. Scribe him further? I I thought we'd given a fairly detailed We haven't scratched the surface. If he has any peculiar eating habits, say, that'll make him easier to notice. Why does he eat? What does he eat? Oh, well, he he eats anything. He must be more precise. Well, then, Inspector, he will eat a man. Yes. He will also eat a Bible. Or you can say he will eat anything between a man and the Bible.
I'm afraid that's too general. Details are what are needed in our business. Now as the men, how many men will he eat at one meal or one day if they're fresh? Well, he wouldn't care if they're fresh or not. At a single meal, he would eat five ordinary men. Five men. Here, let me write that down. What nationalities would he prefer? Rest of that is completely indifferent. So much for men. What else will he eat? Well, he would eat, bricks, bottles, clothing, cats, oysters, ham, sugar, pie, potatoes, hay, oats, everything really except boarding house rice pudding.
Why does he drink? Anything that flows, milk, water, whiskey, molasses. It's no use to go into particulars. Whatever fluid occurs to you just to set it down. Oh, of course, he he will drink anything except European coffee. Thank you, major. You have provided us with excellent clothes. Tower of it. Detailed detectives Charles Davis, Halsey, Bates, and Hockett to shadow the elephant. And detailed detectives Moses Bacon might be Rogers, tougher Higginbotham and Bartholomew to shadow the thieves. The thieves are then you do know. This is uncanny. Alaric, place detectives at all terminals and docks and all rogue ways leading out of the city to watch for the stolen white elephant.
Dispatch detectives as far North as Canada, as far West as California, as far South as Florida. And remember, it must all be done with utmost secrecy. That'll be all. Oh, Inspector Blunt, I marvel at how much ground you've covered in so short a time. Well, one does these things by instinct, Major Smellers. Yeah. Is there anything I can do to help? Yes. You must maintain secrecy. Oh, of course. So far, no one knows of the theft except the thieves, your servants, yourself, and I, and my men. I shall see to it that my servant say nothing at all. Good. Inspector Bunt, you realize the international crisis that can be created if that elephant isn't found soon?
Yes. Then can you give me some hope? Major Smaddlers. I am not given to boasting. It is not my style, but we shall find you irrelevant. Very well. You heard all the details, Inspector Blunt Dimanche. And what is genius with the capacity for taking infinite pains? And it's just as well because if you're looking for a stolen elephant in the city of New York, you certainly need a genius to find him for you. I expect to find you waiting here for me when I return in just a few moments with act two. Poor Major Smilers of the British army in India. He has been entrusted with a sacred white elephant to bring home as a gift to Queen Victoria.
While stopping over in New York, the elephant has been stolen. But Smathers has every reason to be hopeful.
[00:16:11] Unknown:
After all, the search is in the reliable hands of detective inspector Blunt, Van Hulme, well,
[00:16:23] Unknown:
sir. For for for for for for At least only I, Blunt has sent them Inspector Blunt? Who who who who who is inspector, Blunt? Police, sir. He oh. Very snow dream. It it happened. The elephant has been stolen. Oh, yes. Yes. I remember now. And I did talk to the world's greatest detective, inspector Blunt. If the center of the universe will deign to look, it is in all the newspapers. The news but how could it be in the newspapers? Inspector Blunt said that it must be kept secret. It was the mighty police sergeant himself. You see what it says in the papers? Let me let me see.
Inspector Blunt confident stolen white elephant will be recovered. Inspector Bunt expects immediate arrest. Blunt says international intrigue behind great white elephant theft. Blunt says elephant was stolen to effect succession of British throne. Oh, wait till I see that man. Mocked inspector. You said the papers must not be told. They must not be told unless they ask. And when they ask, they must be told. You understand? I Detectives must keep on the good side of the newspapers. But why? My good fellow. Fame, fortune, reputation, constant public mention, these are a detective's bread and butter.
He must publish his facts and his theories. Well, you know what will happen? No. It will be assumed that he has none. Therefore, we must publish our plans. We must show the public what we're doing or they will assume we're doing nothing. Isn't it better to have a newspaper say, Inspector Blunt's extraordinary theory is as follows than to have them print something harsh or sarcastic? Yes. I see your point. Of course. But for instance, in the Gazette, you say that although the rear wall of the building was torn out and the only door was locked, you didn't believe that the thieves had removed the elephant through the open space, but they took him out through some, as yet undiscovered outlet.
Exactly. Well, then why did the thieves trouble to make the hole in the wall? To mislead me, but I'm too clever for them. Oh, but it also says in the papers that the $25,000 reward is only being offered to detectives. Is is that quite correct? Oh, yes. Indeed. But it would seem to me that the reward should be offered to anyone who would find the elephants. Yes. But it's the detectives who will find the elephant. Now, if some other people were to find him, it would only be because they were watching the detectives and taking advantage of the clues that they stole from the detectives.
So you see, regardless of who finds the elephant, it's the detectives who desire the credit and the reward. Yes. Of course. That does sound reasonable. Hi. Nice report coming in. Let's see. How are we here? I've got a clue. Farm succession of deep tracks across a farm shall follow them. Detective Dolly, Flala Station, New York. I see. That's absolutely marvelous. Well, Dolly's our best man. Your beast is as good as far. Uh-huh. Just arrived at Parker, New Jersey. Glass factory broken into during night. Have eyewitness reports of elephants? I'm staying with it. Detective Baker. One of my top people, that baker. Mister Jeremy, how could the elephant be in both New York and New Jersey?
Be assured, major. There is a rational explanation. Well, then what is it? Wait a minute. Not a television. Shadowed elephant tracks three miles. Large, deep, ragged they were. Met a farmer who says they're not elephant tracks at all, but holes where he dug up trees last year. Dolly, detective flower station, New York. How do you account for that? Well, this farmer is a red farmer. Is obviously a confederate of the thieves. His purpose is to deceive Dolly. However, send the following quoted message to Dolly. Arrest the farmer and continue to follow her tracks. To the Pacific if necessary.
That's the same. The wires are humming. Coney Point, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Oh, yeah. Yes. This operation is national in scope. That gas company office broken into during night and huge three month stack of unpaid gas bills taken. Looks good for our side. Murphy, detective. Good heavens, Major? Would he eat gas bills? Oh, yes. Gas bills, water bills, coal bills, grocery bills. The beast is omnivorous. Inspector Blunt. Oh, ho. Send a ring. Wow. Now progress indeed. I am about to interview with special informant. Informant inspector?
Yes. We have strings into the underworld. A job like this cannot be kept secret within the criminal fraternity. Major, you're about to witness the solution of a case. Oh, Louie, sit down. What do you want? You know what I want? Information. I don't know nothing. Lily. This is no way to talk to an old friend. I don't know nothing. Tell me about the elephant, Lily.
[00:22:41] Unknown:
The elephant? What elephant? You wanna know about elephants? Cousin Stankus?
[00:22:46] Unknown:
Lily, you have already made your ritual objections. Whatever that is, I didn't do it. I even got an alibi.
[00:22:53] Unknown:
So let us get down to business. I'm out of the business now, Inspector. So so help me. I'm going straight. Who would steal an elephant?
[00:23:02] Unknown:
Are you kidding? Who would steal a white elephant?
[00:23:07] Unknown:
Oh, a white elephant. You should've said that in the first place. A white elephant. I see, names on a tickle and tongue. Would it be, by any chance, Barge Criswell? Barge Criswell. Yeah. Sure. It's gotta be Barge. How do you know? How do I know? Oh, he's been all over town bragging about how he's done it. Is that a fact? Yeah. Everybody knows it's Barge. You sure? I'll swing without a stack of bubbles.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
Sounds too hot, Lily. You sure you're not making us up? Why would I make it up?
[00:23:40] Unknown:
Oh, come on. Have I ever given you a bump steer, Inspector? Why would Barge, Criswell, or anyone else steal a white elephant? That's what I asked him. Just the other night, I said to him, Barge, tell me. And why would you steal a white elephant? You know what he does? He just looked at me and he said, Why would I steal a white elephant? Because he's there.
[00:24:07] Unknown:
Ah, that crazy barge, Crisp. Thank you, Lillie. That will be all.
[00:24:13] Unknown:
You don't want me to tell you nothing else, Inspector? You may go now. Anytime, Inspector. Goodbye. Don't take any one nickels, Inspector.
[00:24:27] Unknown:
Well, if I tell you, Inspector, I mean it's nothing short of miraculous. If I hadn't witnessed it with my own eyes, I I how you drew the information from her. Such subtlety, such skill, routine in this profession, my dear major. And what is your next move? Our next move is to apprehend the thieves and collect your elephant. Yes. But, where is he? Shouldn't it be obvious? Well, to a genius, yes. To me, no. He is here. Here. Right here in New York City. New York. York. But the telegram Traveling arranged for by Criswell's crewmen to throw us off the scent. The elephant's been here all the time. I but where?
In Criswell's apartment. In Criswell's apartment? Of course. And now we shall recover your beast, Major. You may wire your government. Tell them the matter is settled. The case is closed. And now we move in for a kill. I want 100 men armed to the feet. We will surround the home of Barge Criswell. We will take him. Get him alive. I want the may I come along, inspector? Are you armed, major? I have a revolver. Good. What was that? What was what? Oh, that that sound. What sound? I could have sworn that I heard the elephant. The elephant? Yes. The elephant. As if as if he were As if what? But as if he was somewhere in this very building.
How could he be in this building? Somewhere deep in this building. You realize, of course, that that's impossible. Oh, but that that I'm so sure that I heard him. I Oh, yes. Yes. You probably did. After all, if I didn't know better, it would be possible to think that he could be here. The place from which he was stolen was just down the street. Major, it's entirely possible that you did hear him. Is it? You heard him because you wanted to hear him. I don't understand. We're about to capture him. You are so filled with anticipation that in your mind, you can actually hear him.
Yes. That accounts, Bobby. Well, shall we proceed? The sight of a task force of New York City detectives about to spring a trap on a band of desperate criminals is awesome indeed. As a military man, I had nothing but praise. In just a few hours, every detective was in his place. The house was surrounded. The neighborhood sealed off, and we were ready to move in for the kill. Be careful, major. Keep undercover. Our intensity connected part in this operation very well. Bart, Cresswell. Bart, we know you're in there. The house is surrounded.
There's no hope of escape. Barge, come out. He ain't here. A lovely story. Barge, send out the elephant. What elephant? You know what elephant. Farge, send out the elephant, and then come out with all your men. Farge ain't here. The elephant ain't here. Ain't nobody Barge ain't here. The elephant ain't here. Ain't nobody here but me. Barge, I'll count to three. And if you're not out here by end, we'll come in and catch you.
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One. But I tell you, Barge ain't here.
[00:28:22] Unknown:
Barge, I said two. Barge ain't here. The elephant ain't here.
[00:28:28] Unknown:
Ain't nobody here but me. Very well, Barge.
[00:28:32] Unknown:
If you wanna hide behind a woman's kite, it won't help you. I'll count to three again. One, two, three. Alright, man. Let's rush the house. And so the assault is on, and a full fledged battle it is too, for the sound of it. A dangerous business this being a detective, especially when the quest is for a sacred white elephant? Inspector Blunt has moved on a tight tapestry of clues and deduction. Surely, success should crown his efforts at last. Well, wait for the third act, which I shall bring here in just a few moments. How does one find a white elephant in New York, especially when it's been stolen by a band of experienced, resourceful, and desperate seas?
Well, one turns the famous police inspector Blunt loose. One watches Blunt use all of his almost miraculous powers of deduction, and one sees him march inexorably to where his quarry is hidden. Have we any casual peace? Five men dead, inspector. Inspector, how was that possible? We were the only ones who fired. No shots came from the house. Being a detective is the most hazardous of all professions, Major. But, what do we do now? Man, cover me. I'm going to air myself, and I shall go with you. Open up. Open the door or we shall break it down.
Is your revolver loaded, Major? Yes, sir. Be ready for anything. What's all the noise about? Hi. Where is he? Where is who? Ma'am, advise you do not play the fool. Where is the elephant? How could I have an elephant in here? I ask the questions, madam. You finish the answers. That is the nature of our relationship. Is that understood? Yeah. Now then, where is Barge Criswell? Barge Criswell? Where is he? You ought to know where he is. Madam, I warn you. He's dead. Your lies cannot save him. You're crazy. Barge Criswell's been dead these fifteen years. Madam, I shall arrest you as a material witness. Barge was hanged? Yeah. Hanged. You arrested him yourself.
Here. I still keep the newspaper story. You see, Barge Criswell, Ang hand me the, brilliant detective, like my inspector blunt led to the conviction and hanging of the notorious Barge. Then it's true. He is dead. Even a detective would know that. But all the clues all the clues led to it had to be Criswell. Please, Inspector, don't be distressed. Major, you must admit the only reason Cresswell is innocent as a crime is because he happens to be dead. Quite right, Inspector. Do you still have faith in me, major? My faith is not some fair weather trust to be dispelled by the first cloud. You don't know how much that means to me.
I shall make the recovery of your white elephant my life's work. I will find him if it kills me. Perhaps we better double the reward. Consider it, Dante. I what was that? Yes. Yes. I think I heard it. It sounded like the evidence. As as as as if he's right here. Right here. Our ears deceive us, Major. Well, but I could I could have sworn I just heard. No. No. No. We wanna hear him. Rest assured, we soon shall. I am now constructing an entirely new theory concerning the motives and modus operandi of the international band of elephant thieves. In U of National?
That was my fatal mistake. I was too, parochial, too limited in my quest. Yes, indeed. The insidious hand of a foreign power is very much in evidence. I have every faith, but you're correct, inspector. Ah, but if I had faith, the same could not be said for the local and international press. Every day, new reports were received of elephant sightings and further stories of his wild depredations. The headlines would read, harvest demolished, factories destroyed, death and devastation. Inspector Blunt has a new theory. Inspector Blunt has a newer theory.
Inspector Blunt fooled again. I was so disturbed by all this, but not the inspector. My dear Smathers, this is all deliberate on my part. I am spreading these stories to lull the thieves into thinking they're safe. Don't make them think they're dealing with an incompetent fool. Their voyage will become careless and make the fatal error that will seal their doom. Do you understand? Of course, I understand. The the sheer brilliance of that strategy takes my breath away. It is merely standard detective procedure. But to allow yourself to be unfairly pictured and caricatured as a buffoon, one must play a hand, one is dealt, and hope for a vindication of history.
In heaven's name. Did you hear imagination? Sheer imagination. But I could have sworn it was the editor. Pay no attention. Uh-huh. A message from Dolly, Hogansport, Ohio. Elephant passed through half hour ago creating panic, raids through streets, killing two plumbers, a traveling salesman, and a sheriff. Wow. And this is from Gloversville, New York. Elephant broke up any temperance meeting here this evening, placing his trunk through a window, and he wasps it out. All reason in terror and pursuing him, sign mighty. But but but but how could the elephant be in both Ohio and New York?
Major. This is no ordinary elephant. And here, we have no ordinary case. Oh, yes. That is true, I suppose. But why do I keep hearing the elephant so clearly? You mean Why do you think you hear him so clearly? I wish that he What do you wish? Nothing, inspector. No. I have faith in you. I shall have faith in you to the death. The protector of the poor as a visitor. Oh, dear. Who who is it, Gangadhar? A highly placed person, the British ambassador. And, oh, wait. What of what? For the waiting force you're in. If the center of the universe will permit, I have never seen a more angry sahib in my entire unimportant existence.
Oh, dear. But I can't help but go under there, so show him in. Rotten show, miss Mathers. It is indeed that Shirley should No end of a flap, you know. I understand. But but where can a beggar be hiding? Well, that that that's the problem. Wing wants her elephant, dear boy, don't you know? Oh, I'm sure she does. Every day, she asks the PM, mister Gladstone, where is my elephant? I am sorry about that, sir. And, of course, all we can give her are excuses. As she looks at him, she says, well, I'm sure dear mister Disraeli will have no trouble finding my elephant if he were prime minister. It's reached that point, sir. Oh, yes. Government's about to fall any day. Where is that blooming elephant? Well, we we we are making progress. We? It is inspector Blunt and the New York police. Of course, man. As well, it's your show, but I've taken the liberty to sound out Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes. He would be willing to take ship for New York and find the elephant within forty eight hours. I see, sir. Am I being ordered to dismiss inspector Blunt and hire mister Sherlock Holmes? No. No, my boy. You are being advised. Ad weft. Then I shall think it over. Oh, yes. I would do that. Because if the elephant is not found immediately, you shall be court martialed, dismissed from the service, tried for treason, and either imprisoned or hanged. Is that clear? I believe the reward should be higher. Would it it's 150,000 now. Yes. Well, the case is extremely complex.
Well, hear me whatever you think best, if I No, Inspector Blunt. I could swear. This may be the very news I've waited for. I'm on his track. He cannot be more than fifteen minutes ahead of me. Detective Dolly, Rosebush, Michigan. Inspector, don't you think that we should this is it. Blue Cheese, Wisconsin. Elephant sighted in field two miles north. Signed, detective Stump. Major, we've got him now. We've got him. Are you sure positive? He is now in the midst of my men, he and the miss Krience who have abducted him. Go home, major. Get some rest. You shall be notified as soon as he's been returned here.
Awake. Protect all the poor. What what's the matter? A message from the Sahib of the police. News. What kind of news? Great news. Oh, yes? He has been found. Alright. Quiet, boys. Quiet. It is now my pleasure to divide the $150,000 reward money among all fine men who cracked this cake. Hey. Hey.
[00:40:38] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey
[00:40:46] Unknown:
who never lost faith. Hey. You, you found him. Where is he? In a cellar. The cellar. The cellar of this building. But hurry. Oh, nice. Carl, it is it is a thumb. It's it's a thumb. It's a you wanna know how we found them? Yes, please. I revisited the scene in a crime hoping, of course, that the burglars would do the same thing. They do that. You know? Sometimes they revisit the scene in the eye. Tom, they they say something. I noticed hairs on some of the broken bricks. And then in a sudden flash of intuition, I saw the whole thing as Sam had broken a wall himself. You suppose he's asleep? No. He's not asleep. And then I noticed footprints in the ground, and I followed those footprints.
Be lying there so quietly. Is that Oh. The footprints led through the alleyway. Oh. And there was a hole in the wall in the back of our building. They must have fallen through it down here to the basement, and he couldn't get out. Mom dead? He, died here of starvation. That poor being said. Hey. It's quick to blunt. I hear a telegram from detective Darlings from Monroe, Utah. Have pulled a dolphin's track. Darlie. One of the finest minds of our forts. Have him return and get his share of reward. Well, major, we found them for you. Oh, yes, inspector.
You found him. Wesson, I don't care what anyone says. Oh, I may be a ruined man today of the homeless wanderer on the face of the earth, but my admiration for that detective whom I believe to be the greatest genius the world has ever produced remains undiminished. And both he and I shall be vindicated by history. And thus ends Mark Twain's story. And while the cynical may sneer and the scoffers may doubt who is to say? What verdict shall be returned by history? Perhaps a greater plan, a mysterious design, did not wish for the elephant to reach the queen. Do we know?
Of course not. But if this were the plan, could two better men than Major Smathers and Inspector Blunt than selected? I'll be back in just a moment. And what is the moral of our story? Mark Twain was not fond of pointing out morals. As a matter of fact, he said, persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted. Persons attempting to find a plot in it will be banished, and persons attempting to find a moral will be shot. Well, nothing of this sort will ever happen to you if you join us here seven days each week. Our cast included Ian Martin, Robert Dryden, Reiner Rayburn, and Peter Donald.
The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now a preview of our next tale. You're killing them. They'll all be dead. Look. The cone is opening under their feet. They're going to they're gone. You're swallow them up. Oh, those poor people. Oh, don't weep for them. They're of no value. That's the history of the world, isn't it? Well, good morning, Theodore. Oh, you startled me, Uncle Peter. How could I startled anyone? I didn't see you coming. Were you busy with great thoughts? Oh, no. No. No. I I was merely talking to this Oh. Well, there was someone here just a moment ago. Oh, yes. Yes, my boy. I know it affects me too. I keep seeing people who aren't there myself.
Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Time Magazine. This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time. Pleasant dreams.
With the Blue Cash Everyday card, it's easy to earn 3% cashback on groceries at US supermarkets, US online retail purchases, and US gas stations. That's how we grow our family's little nest egg. Learn more at americanexpress.com/explore-bce. Terms and cashback cap apply.
[00:00:27] Unknown:
Come in. Welcome. I'm e g Marshall, moderator of these mystic meanderings. As you must surely know by this time, certainly we remind you of that fact often enough, the detective story was invented by our own Edgar Allan Poe. For all the good it did him, Poe died virtually of starvation. Arthur Conan Doyle, an Englishman, took all of the principles laid down by Poe and proceeded to make a fortune with sherlock holmes whoever said life was fair this earth mark playing no end and so determined to strike a blow for America he wrote a satire to put Conan Doyle in his place.
And in this battle between the titans, all of us are the winners as you are about to hear. Inspector, I've been robbed of what? An elephant. An elephant. A white elephant. Well, what do you want us to do? I want you to find him for me. Find an elephant on the streets in New York City and a white elephant at that? Well, I realized the difficulty. If you lost a dog or a cat or even a pet mouse, why don't I offer a reward. This will tax our resources to the utmost. With so many places of concealment, how does one find a stolen white elephant? Is this task beyond the powers of the New York City detective force? Sir, nothing is impossible for a New York detective.
Our mystery drama, the stolen white elephant, was adapted from the Mark Twain classic, especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dann and stars Robert Dryden and Ian Martin. It is sponsored in part by Time Magazine and Buick Motor Division. I'll be back shortly with that
[00:02:41] Unknown:
one.
[00:02:46] Unknown:
Mark Twain, being duly sworn, deposes as follows. This curious history was related to me by a chance railroad acquaintance. He was a gentleman of more than 70 years of age, and his thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his lips. He said It was in the year '25 or '8, or was it, 07/07? No. No. No matter. I was a major in her imperial majesties bingo dancers in India. You know? And one morning, I suppose, it was a lunch or it might have been in the evening.
But anyway, I was summoned by my commanding officer, Colonel Chumley Hogan Yale or had he been recalled, then
[00:03:49] Unknown:
there's no better. As I say, I was summoned
[00:03:53] Unknown:
sit down, Smethurst. Sit. As you know, what I am, miss? Why, suppose I might find it on the map, Colonel. Well, it seems that the king, kicked up no end of a row of the border of some such wrath. Yes, sir. A cheesy beggar? Well, he was treated to a whiffle grape shot, I can tell you. That brought him to his senses. He what? Quick enough. Yes, sir. Well, as a sign of his gratitude, he intends to send her majesty a token of his esteem. Yes, sir. An elephant. An elephant. A white elephant. Why a white elephant? The the river seems it's a sacred animal and all that sort of thing? But whatever will the queen do with the white elephant? Is not the reason why, Smithers.
You are placed in command of the white elephant party. Yes, sir. I must remind you that the fate of her majesty's Indian empire is in your hands. Mhmm. Therefore, you are to guard the beast with your life. It shall be done, sir. It's up to you, Smethurst, to deliver this white elephant into the hands of the queen. Into her hands? Smathers. England expects every man to do his duty. Well, sir, a ship was fitted out for me, and my servants and all officers were in attendance of the elephants. And together with the elephants, we sailed across the Pacific and landed at San Francisco.
There, a special train awaited us, and we crossed your great country arriving a week later in the city of New York. I had come to know my child rather well. We spent many happy hours together. He was a rather an intelligent elephant taken by a nod, but he he did have a somewhat limited vocabulary. When we arrived in New York and I placed my charge in admirable quarters while we awaited the boat that was to take us home again to England. I, meanwhile, was enjoying the sights of your fine metropolis, little realizing the catastrophe that lay in store.
[00:06:08] Unknown:
And then
[00:06:09] Unknown:
late one night, my slumber was disturbed by my agitated servant. Farib. Farib. And leave the land of dreams. Arise from a week. Farib, there is news. News. Ganga Das? What is it? What? Ominous news, Sahib. Frightening news. Ganga Das, will you just tell me The elephant. Oh, yes. Yes. The elephant. The secret white elephant. Our elephant. Well, what about the elephant? The elephant is gone gone, stolen. But I don't see that. I would say something else if that would make the Sahib happy. I rushed to the building where we had caught the elephant, and there was a gaping hole in the back wall as if somebody had broken through the bricks and masonry and thus been able to make away with the elephant. Oh, yes. The place was in ruins and so was my career.
I had failed. The fate of the empire had been placed in my hands and I had thought of. I could look forward only to ruin and disgrace. And then I remembered that I was in New York where the head of the detective force was the celebrated inspector Blunt. Ho ho ho. If anyone could save me, if anyone could restore that elephant. You realize, major Smarter's Herculean nature of this assignment? Oh, indeed, inspector. I do. An elephant, especially a white elephant, one does not easily lay one's hands on a creature of this sort in New York. Oh, I realize this, inspector. There are hundreds, virtually thousands of places where one could hide a white elephant. That is true. Why? If you weren't looking for him, you could pass him on a street and hardly notice him. As of course, I appreciate the difficulty, but tell me tell me that you will take the case. Inspector Blunt, you are my only hope. A stolen white elephant.
Think of it. Trying to find a stolen white elephant. It's got looking for a needle in a haystack beat all over. Major Smethys, I'm your man. Inspector Blunt. Oh, I tell you he was a man to inspire confidence. He was a tall, thin man with a strong, compact frame, a person of no common order, calm and in command. This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken. Oh, yes, sir. And secrecy must be obtained. Of course. Not just plain secrecy, but profound secrecy. I understand. Speak to no one, not even to the reporters. I will handle the press personally.
I will tell the fourth estate only what it will suit my ends to let them know. Now the business systematically, for nothing can be accomplished in the detective business without strict and minute method. Oh, I'm sure I agree, inspector. Nice. The name of the elephant? His name. Yes. Hafsan Benare bin Zidim Abdallah Muhammad al Hamel Sultan Abi Butor. Do you have a nickname? Jumble. Place of birth? I am. Parents living at death? Dead, I believe. Impressive. Well, is it important that one must be thorough in these affairs? Now can you describe this elephant? Oh, yes. Of course. It was a fight. Edithon, sir. I'm afraid we must do better than that.
Height, ninety feet. Length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26 feet. Length of trunk, 16 feet. Length of tusk, nine and a half feet. Feet. Any distinguishing marks. Distinguishing mark. Well, now, it would seem to me that My dear Major, this minute detail may be boring to you, but the fact is the more closely we can describe the elephant, the easier he'll be to identify. Well, I don't know about marks, inspector, but you might also add that he likes to squirt water on people, a little through his trunk, of course. How?
Well, we'll be able to identify him now beyond the shadow of a doubt. How about it? I have 50,000 copies of this description printed at once and mailed to every defective office in pawnshop on a continent. Pawnshop, Victor? A favorite destination for thieves with stolen merchandise. I hadn't thought of that. No. It'll be necessary to offer a reward. And what sum would you suggest, inspector? To begin, $25,000. $25,000? Well, it's an intricate difficult case. There are thousand avenues of escape and unlimited opportunities of concealment, and these thieves have friends everywhere.
These thieves? Then you you do know who they are. Never mind about that. I may, I may not. It'll be necessary to describe this elephant further. Scribe him further? I I thought we'd given a fairly detailed We haven't scratched the surface. If he has any peculiar eating habits, say, that'll make him easier to notice. Why does he eat? What does he eat? Oh, well, he he eats anything. He must be more precise. Well, then, Inspector, he will eat a man. Yes. He will also eat a Bible. Or you can say he will eat anything between a man and the Bible.
I'm afraid that's too general. Details are what are needed in our business. Now as the men, how many men will he eat at one meal or one day if they're fresh? Well, he wouldn't care if they're fresh or not. At a single meal, he would eat five ordinary men. Five men. Here, let me write that down. What nationalities would he prefer? Rest of that is completely indifferent. So much for men. What else will he eat? Well, he would eat, bricks, bottles, clothing, cats, oysters, ham, sugar, pie, potatoes, hay, oats, everything really except boarding house rice pudding.
Why does he drink? Anything that flows, milk, water, whiskey, molasses. It's no use to go into particulars. Whatever fluid occurs to you just to set it down. Oh, of course, he he will drink anything except European coffee. Thank you, major. You have provided us with excellent clothes. Tower of it. Detailed detectives Charles Davis, Halsey, Bates, and Hockett to shadow the elephant. And detailed detectives Moses Bacon might be Rogers, tougher Higginbotham and Bartholomew to shadow the thieves. The thieves are then you do know. This is uncanny. Alaric, place detectives at all terminals and docks and all rogue ways leading out of the city to watch for the stolen white elephant.
Dispatch detectives as far North as Canada, as far West as California, as far South as Florida. And remember, it must all be done with utmost secrecy. That'll be all. Oh, Inspector Blunt, I marvel at how much ground you've covered in so short a time. Well, one does these things by instinct, Major Smellers. Yeah. Is there anything I can do to help? Yes. You must maintain secrecy. Oh, of course. So far, no one knows of the theft except the thieves, your servants, yourself, and I, and my men. I shall see to it that my servant say nothing at all. Good. Inspector Bunt, you realize the international crisis that can be created if that elephant isn't found soon?
Yes. Then can you give me some hope? Major Smaddlers. I am not given to boasting. It is not my style, but we shall find you irrelevant. Very well. You heard all the details, Inspector Blunt Dimanche. And what is genius with the capacity for taking infinite pains? And it's just as well because if you're looking for a stolen elephant in the city of New York, you certainly need a genius to find him for you. I expect to find you waiting here for me when I return in just a few moments with act two. Poor Major Smilers of the British army in India. He has been entrusted with a sacred white elephant to bring home as a gift to Queen Victoria.
While stopping over in New York, the elephant has been stolen. But Smathers has every reason to be hopeful.
[00:16:11] Unknown:
After all, the search is in the reliable hands of detective inspector Blunt, Van Hulme, well,
[00:16:23] Unknown:
sir. For for for for for for At least only I, Blunt has sent them Inspector Blunt? Who who who who who is inspector, Blunt? Police, sir. He oh. Very snow dream. It it happened. The elephant has been stolen. Oh, yes. Yes. I remember now. And I did talk to the world's greatest detective, inspector Blunt. If the center of the universe will deign to look, it is in all the newspapers. The news but how could it be in the newspapers? Inspector Blunt said that it must be kept secret. It was the mighty police sergeant himself. You see what it says in the papers? Let me let me see.
Inspector Blunt confident stolen white elephant will be recovered. Inspector Bunt expects immediate arrest. Blunt says international intrigue behind great white elephant theft. Blunt says elephant was stolen to effect succession of British throne. Oh, wait till I see that man. Mocked inspector. You said the papers must not be told. They must not be told unless they ask. And when they ask, they must be told. You understand? I Detectives must keep on the good side of the newspapers. But why? My good fellow. Fame, fortune, reputation, constant public mention, these are a detective's bread and butter.
He must publish his facts and his theories. Well, you know what will happen? No. It will be assumed that he has none. Therefore, we must publish our plans. We must show the public what we're doing or they will assume we're doing nothing. Isn't it better to have a newspaper say, Inspector Blunt's extraordinary theory is as follows than to have them print something harsh or sarcastic? Yes. I see your point. Of course. But for instance, in the Gazette, you say that although the rear wall of the building was torn out and the only door was locked, you didn't believe that the thieves had removed the elephant through the open space, but they took him out through some, as yet undiscovered outlet.
Exactly. Well, then why did the thieves trouble to make the hole in the wall? To mislead me, but I'm too clever for them. Oh, but it also says in the papers that the $25,000 reward is only being offered to detectives. Is is that quite correct? Oh, yes. Indeed. But it would seem to me that the reward should be offered to anyone who would find the elephants. Yes. But it's the detectives who will find the elephant. Now, if some other people were to find him, it would only be because they were watching the detectives and taking advantage of the clues that they stole from the detectives.
So you see, regardless of who finds the elephant, it's the detectives who desire the credit and the reward. Yes. Of course. That does sound reasonable. Hi. Nice report coming in. Let's see. How are we here? I've got a clue. Farm succession of deep tracks across a farm shall follow them. Detective Dolly, Flala Station, New York. I see. That's absolutely marvelous. Well, Dolly's our best man. Your beast is as good as far. Uh-huh. Just arrived at Parker, New Jersey. Glass factory broken into during night. Have eyewitness reports of elephants? I'm staying with it. Detective Baker. One of my top people, that baker. Mister Jeremy, how could the elephant be in both New York and New Jersey?
Be assured, major. There is a rational explanation. Well, then what is it? Wait a minute. Not a television. Shadowed elephant tracks three miles. Large, deep, ragged they were. Met a farmer who says they're not elephant tracks at all, but holes where he dug up trees last year. Dolly, detective flower station, New York. How do you account for that? Well, this farmer is a red farmer. Is obviously a confederate of the thieves. His purpose is to deceive Dolly. However, send the following quoted message to Dolly. Arrest the farmer and continue to follow her tracks. To the Pacific if necessary.
That's the same. The wires are humming. Coney Point, Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. Oh, yeah. Yes. This operation is national in scope. That gas company office broken into during night and huge three month stack of unpaid gas bills taken. Looks good for our side. Murphy, detective. Good heavens, Major? Would he eat gas bills? Oh, yes. Gas bills, water bills, coal bills, grocery bills. The beast is omnivorous. Inspector Blunt. Oh, ho. Send a ring. Wow. Now progress indeed. I am about to interview with special informant. Informant inspector?
Yes. We have strings into the underworld. A job like this cannot be kept secret within the criminal fraternity. Major, you're about to witness the solution of a case. Oh, Louie, sit down. What do you want? You know what I want? Information. I don't know nothing. Lily. This is no way to talk to an old friend. I don't know nothing. Tell me about the elephant, Lily.
[00:22:41] Unknown:
The elephant? What elephant? You wanna know about elephants? Cousin Stankus?
[00:22:46] Unknown:
Lily, you have already made your ritual objections. Whatever that is, I didn't do it. I even got an alibi.
[00:22:53] Unknown:
So let us get down to business. I'm out of the business now, Inspector. So so help me. I'm going straight. Who would steal an elephant?
[00:23:02] Unknown:
Are you kidding? Who would steal a white elephant?
[00:23:07] Unknown:
Oh, a white elephant. You should've said that in the first place. A white elephant. I see, names on a tickle and tongue. Would it be, by any chance, Barge Criswell? Barge Criswell. Yeah. Sure. It's gotta be Barge. How do you know? How do I know? Oh, he's been all over town bragging about how he's done it. Is that a fact? Yeah. Everybody knows it's Barge. You sure? I'll swing without a stack of bubbles.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
Sounds too hot, Lily. You sure you're not making us up? Why would I make it up?
[00:23:40] Unknown:
Oh, come on. Have I ever given you a bump steer, Inspector? Why would Barge, Criswell, or anyone else steal a white elephant? That's what I asked him. Just the other night, I said to him, Barge, tell me. And why would you steal a white elephant? You know what he does? He just looked at me and he said, Why would I steal a white elephant? Because he's there.
[00:24:07] Unknown:
Ah, that crazy barge, Crisp. Thank you, Lillie. That will be all.
[00:24:13] Unknown:
You don't want me to tell you nothing else, Inspector? You may go now. Anytime, Inspector. Goodbye. Don't take any one nickels, Inspector.
[00:24:27] Unknown:
Well, if I tell you, Inspector, I mean it's nothing short of miraculous. If I hadn't witnessed it with my own eyes, I I how you drew the information from her. Such subtlety, such skill, routine in this profession, my dear major. And what is your next move? Our next move is to apprehend the thieves and collect your elephant. Yes. But, where is he? Shouldn't it be obvious? Well, to a genius, yes. To me, no. He is here. Here. Right here in New York City. New York. York. But the telegram Traveling arranged for by Criswell's crewmen to throw us off the scent. The elephant's been here all the time. I but where?
In Criswell's apartment. In Criswell's apartment? Of course. And now we shall recover your beast, Major. You may wire your government. Tell them the matter is settled. The case is closed. And now we move in for a kill. I want 100 men armed to the feet. We will surround the home of Barge Criswell. We will take him. Get him alive. I want the may I come along, inspector? Are you armed, major? I have a revolver. Good. What was that? What was what? Oh, that that sound. What sound? I could have sworn that I heard the elephant. The elephant? Yes. The elephant. As if as if he were As if what? But as if he was somewhere in this very building.
How could he be in this building? Somewhere deep in this building. You realize, of course, that that's impossible. Oh, but that that I'm so sure that I heard him. I Oh, yes. Yes. You probably did. After all, if I didn't know better, it would be possible to think that he could be here. The place from which he was stolen was just down the street. Major, it's entirely possible that you did hear him. Is it? You heard him because you wanted to hear him. I don't understand. We're about to capture him. You are so filled with anticipation that in your mind, you can actually hear him.
Yes. That accounts, Bobby. Well, shall we proceed? The sight of a task force of New York City detectives about to spring a trap on a band of desperate criminals is awesome indeed. As a military man, I had nothing but praise. In just a few hours, every detective was in his place. The house was surrounded. The neighborhood sealed off, and we were ready to move in for the kill. Be careful, major. Keep undercover. Our intensity connected part in this operation very well. Bart, Cresswell. Bart, we know you're in there. The house is surrounded.
There's no hope of escape. Barge, come out. He ain't here. A lovely story. Barge, send out the elephant. What elephant? You know what elephant. Farge, send out the elephant, and then come out with all your men. Farge ain't here. The elephant ain't here. Ain't nobody Barge ain't here. The elephant ain't here. Ain't nobody here but me. Barge, I'll count to three. And if you're not out here by end, we'll come in and catch you.
[00:28:18] Unknown:
One. But I tell you, Barge ain't here.
[00:28:22] Unknown:
Barge, I said two. Barge ain't here. The elephant ain't here.
[00:28:28] Unknown:
Ain't nobody here but me. Very well, Barge.
[00:28:32] Unknown:
If you wanna hide behind a woman's kite, it won't help you. I'll count to three again. One, two, three. Alright, man. Let's rush the house. And so the assault is on, and a full fledged battle it is too, for the sound of it. A dangerous business this being a detective, especially when the quest is for a sacred white elephant? Inspector Blunt has moved on a tight tapestry of clues and deduction. Surely, success should crown his efforts at last. Well, wait for the third act, which I shall bring here in just a few moments. How does one find a white elephant in New York, especially when it's been stolen by a band of experienced, resourceful, and desperate seas?
Well, one turns the famous police inspector Blunt loose. One watches Blunt use all of his almost miraculous powers of deduction, and one sees him march inexorably to where his quarry is hidden. Have we any casual peace? Five men dead, inspector. Inspector, how was that possible? We were the only ones who fired. No shots came from the house. Being a detective is the most hazardous of all professions, Major. But, what do we do now? Man, cover me. I'm going to air myself, and I shall go with you. Open up. Open the door or we shall break it down.
Is your revolver loaded, Major? Yes, sir. Be ready for anything. What's all the noise about? Hi. Where is he? Where is who? Ma'am, advise you do not play the fool. Where is the elephant? How could I have an elephant in here? I ask the questions, madam. You finish the answers. That is the nature of our relationship. Is that understood? Yeah. Now then, where is Barge Criswell? Barge Criswell? Where is he? You ought to know where he is. Madam, I warn you. He's dead. Your lies cannot save him. You're crazy. Barge Criswell's been dead these fifteen years. Madam, I shall arrest you as a material witness. Barge was hanged? Yeah. Hanged. You arrested him yourself.
Here. I still keep the newspaper story. You see, Barge Criswell, Ang hand me the, brilliant detective, like my inspector blunt led to the conviction and hanging of the notorious Barge. Then it's true. He is dead. Even a detective would know that. But all the clues all the clues led to it had to be Criswell. Please, Inspector, don't be distressed. Major, you must admit the only reason Cresswell is innocent as a crime is because he happens to be dead. Quite right, Inspector. Do you still have faith in me, major? My faith is not some fair weather trust to be dispelled by the first cloud. You don't know how much that means to me.
I shall make the recovery of your white elephant my life's work. I will find him if it kills me. Perhaps we better double the reward. Consider it, Dante. I what was that? Yes. Yes. I think I heard it. It sounded like the evidence. As as as as if he's right here. Right here. Our ears deceive us, Major. Well, but I could I could have sworn I just heard. No. No. No. We wanna hear him. Rest assured, we soon shall. I am now constructing an entirely new theory concerning the motives and modus operandi of the international band of elephant thieves. In U of National?
That was my fatal mistake. I was too, parochial, too limited in my quest. Yes, indeed. The insidious hand of a foreign power is very much in evidence. I have every faith, but you're correct, inspector. Ah, but if I had faith, the same could not be said for the local and international press. Every day, new reports were received of elephant sightings and further stories of his wild depredations. The headlines would read, harvest demolished, factories destroyed, death and devastation. Inspector Blunt has a new theory. Inspector Blunt has a newer theory.
Inspector Blunt fooled again. I was so disturbed by all this, but not the inspector. My dear Smathers, this is all deliberate on my part. I am spreading these stories to lull the thieves into thinking they're safe. Don't make them think they're dealing with an incompetent fool. Their voyage will become careless and make the fatal error that will seal their doom. Do you understand? Of course, I understand. The the sheer brilliance of that strategy takes my breath away. It is merely standard detective procedure. But to allow yourself to be unfairly pictured and caricatured as a buffoon, one must play a hand, one is dealt, and hope for a vindication of history.
In heaven's name. Did you hear imagination? Sheer imagination. But I could have sworn it was the editor. Pay no attention. Uh-huh. A message from Dolly, Hogansport, Ohio. Elephant passed through half hour ago creating panic, raids through streets, killing two plumbers, a traveling salesman, and a sheriff. Wow. And this is from Gloversville, New York. Elephant broke up any temperance meeting here this evening, placing his trunk through a window, and he wasps it out. All reason in terror and pursuing him, sign mighty. But but but but how could the elephant be in both Ohio and New York?
Major. This is no ordinary elephant. And here, we have no ordinary case. Oh, yes. That is true, I suppose. But why do I keep hearing the elephant so clearly? You mean Why do you think you hear him so clearly? I wish that he What do you wish? Nothing, inspector. No. I have faith in you. I shall have faith in you to the death. The protector of the poor as a visitor. Oh, dear. Who who is it, Gangadhar? A highly placed person, the British ambassador. And, oh, wait. What of what? For the waiting force you're in. If the center of the universe will permit, I have never seen a more angry sahib in my entire unimportant existence.
Oh, dear. But I can't help but go under there, so show him in. Rotten show, miss Mathers. It is indeed that Shirley should No end of a flap, you know. I understand. But but where can a beggar be hiding? Well, that that that's the problem. Wing wants her elephant, dear boy, don't you know? Oh, I'm sure she does. Every day, she asks the PM, mister Gladstone, where is my elephant? I am sorry about that, sir. And, of course, all we can give her are excuses. As she looks at him, she says, well, I'm sure dear mister Disraeli will have no trouble finding my elephant if he were prime minister. It's reached that point, sir. Oh, yes. Government's about to fall any day. Where is that blooming elephant? Well, we we we are making progress. We? It is inspector Blunt and the New York police. Of course, man. As well, it's your show, but I've taken the liberty to sound out Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes. He would be willing to take ship for New York and find the elephant within forty eight hours. I see, sir. Am I being ordered to dismiss inspector Blunt and hire mister Sherlock Holmes? No. No, my boy. You are being advised. Ad weft. Then I shall think it over. Oh, yes. I would do that. Because if the elephant is not found immediately, you shall be court martialed, dismissed from the service, tried for treason, and either imprisoned or hanged. Is that clear? I believe the reward should be higher. Would it it's 150,000 now. Yes. Well, the case is extremely complex.
Well, hear me whatever you think best, if I No, Inspector Blunt. I could swear. This may be the very news I've waited for. I'm on his track. He cannot be more than fifteen minutes ahead of me. Detective Dolly, Rosebush, Michigan. Inspector, don't you think that we should this is it. Blue Cheese, Wisconsin. Elephant sighted in field two miles north. Signed, detective Stump. Major, we've got him now. We've got him. Are you sure positive? He is now in the midst of my men, he and the miss Krience who have abducted him. Go home, major. Get some rest. You shall be notified as soon as he's been returned here.
Awake. Protect all the poor. What what's the matter? A message from the Sahib of the police. News. What kind of news? Great news. Oh, yes? He has been found. Alright. Quiet, boys. Quiet. It is now my pleasure to divide the $150,000 reward money among all fine men who cracked this cake. Hey. Hey.
[00:40:38] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey
[00:40:46] Unknown:
who never lost faith. Hey. You, you found him. Where is he? In a cellar. The cellar. The cellar of this building. But hurry. Oh, nice. Carl, it is it is a thumb. It's it's a thumb. It's a you wanna know how we found them? Yes, please. I revisited the scene in a crime hoping, of course, that the burglars would do the same thing. They do that. You know? Sometimes they revisit the scene in the eye. Tom, they they say something. I noticed hairs on some of the broken bricks. And then in a sudden flash of intuition, I saw the whole thing as Sam had broken a wall himself. You suppose he's asleep? No. He's not asleep. And then I noticed footprints in the ground, and I followed those footprints.
Be lying there so quietly. Is that Oh. The footprints led through the alleyway. Oh. And there was a hole in the wall in the back of our building. They must have fallen through it down here to the basement, and he couldn't get out. Mom dead? He, died here of starvation. That poor being said. Hey. It's quick to blunt. I hear a telegram from detective Darlings from Monroe, Utah. Have pulled a dolphin's track. Darlie. One of the finest minds of our forts. Have him return and get his share of reward. Well, major, we found them for you. Oh, yes, inspector.
You found him. Wesson, I don't care what anyone says. Oh, I may be a ruined man today of the homeless wanderer on the face of the earth, but my admiration for that detective whom I believe to be the greatest genius the world has ever produced remains undiminished. And both he and I shall be vindicated by history. And thus ends Mark Twain's story. And while the cynical may sneer and the scoffers may doubt who is to say? What verdict shall be returned by history? Perhaps a greater plan, a mysterious design, did not wish for the elephant to reach the queen. Do we know?
Of course not. But if this were the plan, could two better men than Major Smathers and Inspector Blunt than selected? I'll be back in just a moment. And what is the moral of our story? Mark Twain was not fond of pointing out morals. As a matter of fact, he said, persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted. Persons attempting to find a plot in it will be banished, and persons attempting to find a moral will be shot. Well, nothing of this sort will ever happen to you if you join us here seven days each week. Our cast included Ian Martin, Robert Dryden, Reiner Rayburn, and Peter Donald.
The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now a preview of our next tale. You're killing them. They'll all be dead. Look. The cone is opening under their feet. They're going to they're gone. You're swallow them up. Oh, those poor people. Oh, don't weep for them. They're of no value. That's the history of the world, isn't it? Well, good morning, Theodore. Oh, you startled me, Uncle Peter. How could I startled anyone? I didn't see you coming. Were you busy with great thoughts? Oh, no. No. No. I I was merely talking to this Oh. Well, there was someone here just a moment ago. Oh, yes. Yes, my boy. I know it affects me too. I keep seeing people who aren't there myself.
Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Time Magazine. This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time. Pleasant dreams.
Introduction to the Mystery
The Stolen White Elephant
A Major's Dilemma
Inspector Blunt's Investigation
The Hunt Begins
The Trap is Set
The Elephant's Whereabouts
Diplomatic Pressure
The Elephant's Fate Revealed
Conclusion and Moral
