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In this episode, we delve into the mysterious and mythical kingdom of Limbovania, where our protagonist, Gerard, a talented yet impoverished jeweler, grapples with the concept of integrity. Gerard's life takes a dramatic turn when a seemingly priceless diamond, which he identifies as a mere piece of glass called a "framus," lands in his possession. As the story unfolds, Gerard's moral compass is tested as he navigates the temptations of wealth, power, and societal pressures, all while maintaining his philosophical ideals.
The narrative explores themes of honesty, temptation, and the societal value placed on material wealth. Gerard's journey is intertwined with colorful characters, including his wife Sophie, the ambitious Marissa, and the enigmatic Lieutenant Melvin. As the plot thickens, Gerard faces a moral dilemma that challenges his principles and ultimately leads to a confrontation with the king himself. This episode is a thought-provoking exploration of the human condition, the pursuit of immortality, and the true worth of integrity in a world dazzled by deception.
(00:21) Introduction to the Mystery Realm
(01:20) The Meek and the Mythical Kingdom
(02:04) Gerard's Philosophical Dilemma
(05:01) The Discovery of the Framus
(13:40) The Rise of Lieutenant Melvin
(24:31) Court Intrigues and the Ring
(29:09) The Transformation of Limbovania
(37:01) The Test of Integrity
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[00:00:17]
Unknown:
Come in. Welcome. I'm EG Marshall, plenty of potentially from that mysterious realm whose major exports are terror, terror, mystery, and the macabre. In silence, can man most readily preserve his integrity. Or to put it another way, no one ever got into trouble by keeping his mouth shut. Test the premise for yourself. What has brought you the most grief? Speech or silence? Our mystery grammar, the Flameth, was written especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dan and stars Howard Da Silva. It is sponsored in part by Listerine Lozenges and Buick Motor Division.
I'll be back shortly with act one. The meek, we are told, shall inherit the earth, but not, however, in the immediate future. And so at this point in time and until further notice, the meek shall have the usual tough sledding. Well, Well, that's how it goes. Today, we shall tell you a little sable about the meek. And because it's a sable, we'll have it take place in a mythical kingdom. Therefore, for your benefit, we have created one called the United Kingdom Limbovania. Our hero is named Gerard. He is a jeweler. He's very good, but he is very poor.
Do you know why? Because he is a philosopher. Did you ever hear of a rich philosopher? There is a law that says that not only must philosophers be poor, they must also have cross, querulous wives. Well, it's very late at night, and Gerard is alone at his workbench, holding aloft a magnificent silver cup which he has just crafted. And he is making a speech to an imaginary audience. Yes. He's that kind of person. Fellow citizens of Limbovania, I appear on this national television network to set your minds at rest and your hearts at ease. Though I have been besieged by envoys from the Louvre in France, the Prado in Spain, the Metropolitan in America, this magnificent silver cup that I have just created shall remain here at home.
This does not mean that I support our corrupt and and oppressive monarchy. This does not mean that I have now joined the lifeless, bloodless, decadent charlatans at the Royal Academy.
[00:03:13] Unknown:
Wow. You're giving everybody their lumps tonight, aren't you? Oh, I I thought you were asleep. What's that thing?
[00:03:22] Unknown:
This? It's a silver loving cup.
[00:03:26] Unknown:
So that's what you were working on. I might have known. All these nights, I listened to the hammer. I say to myself, maybe he's seen the light. Maybe he'll make something he can sell. Why do you make things like this this cup? Because I find
[00:03:47] Unknown:
it Who asked you to make it? No one. Who's gonna buy it? Nobody.
[00:03:48] Unknown:
Then what's the point? What are you after?
[00:03:51] Unknown:
Immortality. What? Immortality. Oh. In this cup, I make my statement. Forget it. In this cup, I say, look, world. Here, in precious metal Forget it. But I want you to understand. I don't want to understand. But when you don't understand a person, you may grow to hate him. Settle for that. Because when you do understand a person, you may wanna kill him.
[00:04:20] Unknown:
Well, what was that? What was what? That that's a terrible noise.
[00:04:25] Unknown:
My dear, what is it?
[00:04:28] Unknown:
July. Sit there. What?
[00:04:32] Unknown:
But what is it? So Sophie? Sophie, what what are you?
[00:04:38] Unknown:
Say another word. Look. Look at this. Where did you find that? I I happened to glance over to the window. That that crack of thunder smashed it a few moments ago, and it was lying there on the floor beside broken window. It it was lying there, just lying there on the floor.
[00:04:59] Unknown:
Let let me have it. Oh, isn't it
[00:05:03] Unknown:
absolutely the the biggest, the brightest, the shiniest, most brilliant diamond in the whole world?
[00:05:09] Unknown:
In the whole world. Yes.
[00:05:11] Unknown:
I I must look at it. Oh, look at it. Examine it. Yes. Yes. How how much is it worth? Oh, I Tell me. Tell me. Hold on. Alright. I'll be quiet. I won't say a word while you examine it. You're the craftsman, the master, the genius. What do you think? 500? A thousand? What am I talking about? 5,000? I bet I'm not even
[00:05:41] Unknown:
close.
[00:05:42] Unknown:
It's it's your reward. Your reward for being honest and sincere and idealistic. The good lord does something like this now and then. He has to A million dollars. It must be worth a million dollars. Amazing. Fantastic.
[00:05:59] Unknown:
What sparkle. What light. What fuss. What color. What a spectacular configuration. What's it worth? Oh. What's it worth? What's it worth? Nothing. It's a piece of glass. No. I admit it's a remarkable piece of glass, but But let's see how it shined. It's all fire and ice. How can you say it is a piece of glass? Well, let me give you the scientific explanation. No. Glass breaks all the time. I don't wanna hear it. And once, just once, every 54,000,000,000,000 times, does a piece of glass break exactly the way this one did? Wives kill their husbands for less. You see, it broke along the full duration of the guideline of serenity instead of splitting in the ordinary way down the altercation of the plumb line of stress. You follow this? Wives shoot, stab, strangle their husbands. And the result is called a phramis. With a good lawyer, she's home free. So ask me. What's the remarkable thing about a phramis, sir? I still have enough appeal for a jury. The remarkable thing is that only I can tell it's a frameth. Any other jeweler would pronounce this, a diamond.
What what do you mean only you can tell it's a frameth? Because only I have done the research. I am the trailblazer, the discoverer, the pioneer in a brand new, so far unknown science of phamisometry.
[00:07:22] Unknown:
Oh, well then, Angel. How were you to put that into a gold or a platinum setting? It it it would look exactly like a diamond ring. For sure. I don't believe it. Impossible.
[00:07:35] Unknown:
Impossible. Impossible? You're talking to the man with a finger's watch. See how I do it? Just a touch. Now tap. Now twist. Turn it. Tighten. Nice. And here it is. Fit for the finger of a king. Oh, magnificent.
[00:07:54] Unknown:
Our upwind assigned. Beautiful diamond ring for sale. Sweetheart,
[00:07:59] Unknown:
you cannot sell this as a diamond.
[00:08:02] Unknown:
Why not, beloved?
[00:08:03] Unknown:
Because, Precious,
[00:08:05] Unknown:
it's not a diamond. Who's gonna know the difference?
[00:08:08] Unknown:
I will. Oh, it would be so easy to call this a diamond, and I'm tempted. That's why you must help me. Help you do what? Help me withstand temptation. Help me keep my honor. I'll do nothing of a kind. Sophie, every man's integrity is tested once in his life. How do you know this is the test? This is a framus, and it's a fraud.
[00:08:33] Unknown:
Well, in that case, there's only one thing a man of honor can do, destroy it. To destroy it? As a man whose integrity is being tested, you have no other choice. All around you are the means of destruction. Ask it. Dissolve it. Fire. Burn it. Or pick up your hammer and smash it to powder.
[00:08:56] Unknown:
I can't. After all, it's a it's a lovely thing. Oh, it surely is. I don't have to sell it. Mm-mm. I can keep it and enjoy it myself. Of course.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
And so to bed. Good morning, Gerard baby. Let's make love.
[00:09:24] Unknown:
Please don't talk like that, Marissa. Oh, why not?
[00:09:27] Unknown:
I'm a married man. Well, that's why you need loving.
[00:09:31] Unknown:
I haven't looked at another woman since I've been married. You overdo. Marissa, why don't you find a nice young man? Why don't you come with me? Come with you? Where? Where all the
[00:09:42] Unknown:
reaction is. Let's go to the capital. Let's go to Otterclay City. Marie. A man of your genius. Well, you're wasted on these peasants. Oh, and so am I. Nobody really appreciates me here either. What a team we could make. You're the fingers. I'm the frame. You could become the king's jeweler. I could become the king's mistress. What? Well, do you doubt your ability? No. And no question mine. Somebody gets to be his mistress just like somebody gets to be his doctor, his no. I remember why I came in. A cute lieutenant will be in here any minute. Who? No. I don't know who. He's drilling his men in the square. Couldn't keep his eyes off me. I'll, sell him that
[00:10:28] Unknown:
bracelet. I've always liked it. How do you know he'll come in here to buy you something? In a lot of them. Marissa,
[00:10:36] Unknown:
how will you end up? The same way you will. Dead. Well Oh, okay, sir. I'll see you later, Gerard.
[00:10:48] Unknown:
What's her name? Marissa. Marissa. I tell you, citizen Gerard, I have fallen madly in love with Marissa. Please, lieutenant. Be kind to her. Have I ever been unkind to anyone? Have I ever used the privilege of my noble birth to abuse my inferior? Now what have the two of you arranged for me to buy her? Oh, now you have necklaces, bracelets, brooches, rings, so many old familiar things, and the ladies always sell them back to you, don't they? Well, my friend, this is my final go round. You see before you the last barren Melvin, the final withered branch of the dead family tree. Oh, come now, lieutenant. The house of Melvin shall be no more. I have squandered the last of the family fortune. Adhere these few coins.
All that remain for the final fling. It's, it'll have to be something modern. Yes. I know. I I know. I have here a a bracelet. Citizen Gerard. Small. Yes. But, quality. Citizen Gerard, that's that's, What are you looking at? That ring. I must have that ring. But, it's not a ring. It's not a ring? Well, yes. It's a it's a ring, but it's not a diamond ring. The stone you see is a pramist. A lot? A piece of blood. A piece of blood. A piece of that's a lie. It's true. But the the setting, it's genuine platinum. Oh, yes. And real gold. Purest gold. And you always surround a worthless piece of glass with precious platinum and purest gold. I was just No. You were just what? I was just about to destroy it. If it's displayed in your shop, you'll require the senate. That's the law. There's no such law. It's just been passed.
It's a piece of glass. Say that again, then I shall run my sword through you. Oh, please, lieutenant. Tell him to sell me the ring. I'll sell him the ring. I can't pay for it now, but I will run the aim. Please put away your sword. Well, I won't tell her it's worth a hundred, a thousand, a million. Sell him the ring. But I don't wanna cheat him. The ring. He thinks it's a diamond. No. Tell him. The ring. How can I convince him? Give him the ring.
[00:13:01] Unknown:
Fuck. Take it, lieutenant. Here. Take it. Put away your sword, please. Yeah.
[00:13:08] Unknown:
The ring is my ring. Send the bill to the house of Merwin. Fellow citizens, the house of Merwin has risen. The house of Melbourne has risen. The house of Melvin has risen again, indeed, and lieutenant Melvin accepts the plaudits of the multitude as all are blinded with adoration for the brilliant ring on his finger. And the adoring mob carries him on her shoulders into one shop after another. And soon, he is costumed in splendor from head to foot as befits the scion of the house of Melvin. But how high can the house of Melvin possibly rise?
You'll be here when I return in just a few moments with act two. Well, now as we proceed with our fable, the principal square in the provincial city has never seen such a celebration. They are lionizing Lieutenant Melvin, who only this morning was a ruined and penniless aristocrat. But now it's plain to see the house of Melvin has risen again. For on Melvin's finger, there gleams a ring of surpassing brilliance. And so the bells are chiming and the folk are shouting and the wine is pouring and the bands are playing and all is pandemonium except in the shop of our friend, Gerard.
No. For so Don't you just get put out of the shop? He must know the truth. What truth? That ring. It's only a piece of glass. Mine's your business. But he's under the impression that Forget it. It's only a promise. Now what's happening? Where? Look through the window. What do you see?
[00:15:23] Unknown:
What do you mean? What do I see? I I see the clouds.
[00:15:26] Unknown:
But it's quiet. Suddenly, it's quiet. No one is saying a word.
[00:15:33] Unknown:
Yes. It it is. It's it's it's quiet.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
And see there, a big important looking officer has just put his hand on lieutenant Melvin's shoulder. The officer's saying something. Open the door. What's he saying? Lieutenant Melvin. Yes. What can I do with you, my man? Under arrest. Under arrest? Me? I had seen him. You you can't do this to me. I've I've done nothing wrong. Get get your hands off me. I'm an officer, an old woman, and a gentleman. I I have rights. What's the charge? What's the charge? You you you can't just throw me into prison. No. No. Notify my colonel. I demand to see my colonel.
[00:16:17] Unknown:
Oh, stop the salting.
[00:16:19] Unknown:
Oh, colonel Ramheart. I'm saved. Lieutenant Melvin, I shall read to you the verdict of the court martial. Court martial? Well, what court martial? Who? Court martial? Your court martial. The accused, lieutenant Darren Melvin, having been found guilty as charged, shall be hanged by the neck until he is dead. Signed, Millard Ramrod, colonel, Royal of Cavalry Presiding. Well, I thought I I I don't remember any court martial. The court martial was duly convened, legally conducted, and arrived at its verdict in accordance with the law. Yes. But I wasn't there. That's not important. The verdict would still be the same. But that's not justice. If the court had acquitted you, would that have been justice? Well, certainly.
Well, and you're not complaining about justice, only about the murders. But you can't hang an innocent man. I don't want you to hang, lieutenant. Oh, thank you, sir. I would not like to see you disgraced on the scaffold. Oh, bless you, sir. Here's my pistol. Heaven will reward you, sir. Shut yourself. Shut myself. No. No. I I tell you, I I I'm innocent. I have here your concession. I never signed any kind of consent. It was signed for you.
[00:17:31] Unknown:
Oh, Melvin, stop fighting justice. Now just search yourself. Oh, please, colonel.
[00:17:36] Unknown:
Look at yourself in that stolen finery. Why, that ring alone, that ring must be worth a fortune, that ring. Oh, you you you you like the ring? Good. Take it. No. No. No. Oh, god. I was slain. Stop. Stop, Colonel, or I shall shoot you with your own pistol. I am not afraid to die. That's because you're afraid to live. You're afraid of life. That's why you vegetate here in this, provincial post. I'll shut up. Colonel Ramrod, military scientist and global thinker. And what are you to the brass in Autoclave City, a petty drill master? I order you to be quiet. The most brilliant officer in the army, and you'll die without a general star. Buy one.
Buy one. With this ring, you'll be able to. Buy one. Maybe I'll die without my general star, but I'll die with my honor. Order colonel. What is honor? Isn't the highest honor? Love for king and country, isn't it? Yeah. Doesn't the very life of the nation depend on the armed forces? I Would that sound? The safety of that country best preserved in your hands? Doesn't it make it absolutely necessary then for you to become a general? Was that me how? Don't fight fate, colonel. I was meant to obtain this ring so that you might use it to save our country. Yes.
Yes. They're all senile and sutting away. It's a such pool of intrigue. I must clean it out. That's why you were born, colonel. May I assist you in your holy mission? Let's ring.
[00:19:41] Unknown:
Yes? Who who wished to fill him? Colonel Rembrandt? Never heard of him. What does this bumpkin from the provinces want? Probably been saving his pennies for years and he had walking with them all tied up in his handkerchief. But, alright. I see him. It should be amusing.
[00:20:05] Unknown:
Colonel Ramrod. At your service, madame. I have come here to pay my respects to your husband,
[00:20:11] Unknown:
our great minister of war. You have come here to buy a general star. What do you offer me? What do I offer? I
[00:20:21] Unknown:
offer you myself. How dare you make such an offer. Oh, you've been waiting for such an offer. Your days are spent in yearning for it. Your nights in dreaming.
[00:20:31] Unknown:
For your information, I receive such offers every day. Now tell you.
[00:20:36] Unknown:
When was the last one? When was the last time a man offered you his heart, his soul, his life, his honor, his hope for happiness in this world and salvation in the next?
[00:20:47] Unknown:
Do you expect me to believe that when I know know I am no longer beautiful? I find you beautiful, Lurlene. Madame Lurlene. Of what interest could I have in love? I
[00:21:00] Unknown:
I'm an old woman. Not an old woman. An older woman, just as I am an older man.
[00:21:09] Unknown:
Love was was made for the young. No. No. No.
[00:21:13] Unknown:
For the young, love is strong liquor. But to people like us, love is fine wine, old wine. We do not drink to slake the first. We only sip to delight the soul. All you want is your general star. I have not come here for your tinsley star. I love you. Listen. Ten years ago, you and your husband inspected the Garrison Of Groundbad. I can't remember.
[00:21:39] Unknown:
Well, I can't forget. You wore a green suit, black shoes, a corsage of white roses. I always dress that way when I review the truth. The most unbecoming costume I ever saw.
[00:21:52] Unknown:
But I fell in love with you in spite of it. Oh, and you you waited ten years to tell me? I waited ten years to find my courage. I waited ten years until I could find a gift worthy of the woman I love. This ring.
[00:22:09] Unknown:
Oh, no. No. I I can't accept this. Take my ring. Oh, please. Please go. Why are you afraid to be a woman? Why are you afraid to love? I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. Then I will place this ring
[00:22:24] Unknown:
on your finger.
[00:22:26] Unknown:
Oh, my general. My very own general. General. Do do do you like my hair up this way? I wonder what my new assignment is to be. Awesome. The walk, I think. How shall I dress? Green. You you fell in love with me in green. And my new duty. Oh, love me. Love me. Oh, darling, I I want to be alone with you, but I want to show you off to everyone. I want you to be my secret, but I want everyone to know. What? Oh, darling. Our love is enough for me. Enough for me. You shall be presented at court to be a sensation in Autoclave City. Well, my darling, how do you like well, all that the king wants to do is listen to rock music.
[00:23:27] Unknown:
Ma'am, the queen.
[00:23:29] Unknown:
All she wants to do is find out who his latest mistress is.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
That's obvious. That slim blonde girl. What's her name?
[00:23:39] Unknown:
Marissa? Oh, she's just his friend. That doesn't count. Do you know who his mistress is? I don't think he knows what. Well, I suppose he has
[00:23:48] Unknown:
and the queen finds out. What will the queen do to her?
[00:23:53] Unknown:
She'll have her spoon. Steam? Yes. That's why this place is called Autoclave City. One little mistake and things get so hot for you. Now tell me, dearest
[00:24:07] Unknown:
Lurleen. Why is the queen looking at you like that?
[00:24:12] Unknown:
I don't know. But But what? That's that's how she looks at people just before they get steamed. Oh, now she's whispering to the king. Oh, if only I could hear what she's saying.
[00:24:31] Unknown:
Look, would you quit bugging me, baby? I don't have no mistress. You do. You do. And I know who. I think you flipped your wig. Don't talk to me that way. I'm the king. I can talk any way you like. Oh, some king. This two by four nickel and dime. Maybe if you spin, that's fine with your mistress. Then you get off my bag. I don't have no mistress.
[00:24:52] Unknown:
No figure. You go for an old bag like her. An old bag like who? Into my face. She's our best friend. What are you saying? The lady, Lornean.
[00:25:01] Unknown:
Oh, you are, Raudy. I am? Look.
[00:25:05] Unknown:
Look at what? The ring. The ring on her finger? Who give her such a ring? Her 98 year old husband?
[00:25:16] Unknown:
Hey. That
[00:25:18] Unknown:
That that ring. And who would dare wear at the ring of court? Who would dare outshine the queen? Only the mistress of the kingdom. You gave her that ring. Who dare wear that? Show me up. I'm gonna have her steamed. Leroy? Yes, your majesty. Steamed her. I I am going to be steamed. What does that mean? The whole court will turn on me, say things, accuse me, taunt me, bait me, harass me until I destroy me. But why? I don't know.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
I don't know.
[00:25:59] Unknown:
It's the ring. The ring? The queen. Say, look at the face.
[00:26:04] Unknown:
She thinks you're the king's mistress because you're wearing the ring. No. But I'm not. Look at the king's face. He can't take his eyes off the ring. Save yourself. Give him the ring. Oh, no. Can't you say the king wants that ring? Give him the ring before it's too late. Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Lady Leline has an announcement to make.
[00:26:31] Unknown:
I have known our wonderful king since he was a child. I have watched him become a great king and so as a grateful and loyal subject, I wish to present him with this token of my esteem, this ring.
[00:26:54] Unknown:
The ring. Oh, thank you. That's That's some ring of majesty. Yeah. This ring, Marissa. Betty, hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. What what do you think this ring is? What are you saying? Big, big money. There are diamonds and then there are diamonds. Wow. Some Some of them, no matter how big they are, they just leave it. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Oh, but this one, you can feel all that brilliance kind of explode like inside of you. You know what I wanted to be ever since I was a kid? A king? Not just a king. Not some little scared slob of a king that fell into it, but a ruler.
A mighty ruler of men. This, this ring, what do you think it's worth? Oh, a fortune. You can feel it. See? You you can feel the fire burn. The the ice freeze. Exact of the plane. Yeah. By who? The royal jeweler. Those clowns. You know what they'll say? It's a precious oh, I wonder what it's really worth. Oh, it must be worth millions. If only I could find a real, honest jeweler. One of us is scared to tell me the truth, ma'am. I,
[00:28:05] Unknown:
I know a guy who couldn't tell a lie that life depended on it. And what good is he to me if he's not a jeweler? He is a jeweler. The greatest jeweler in the world.
[00:28:14] Unknown:
Baby, what's his name? Gerard. You should have expected this development. Everything that goes up must come down. We go away only to come back. You knew eventually that we would have to return to our old friend, Gerard. You also know the question he's going to be asked. Do you know the answer he's going to give? Wanna bet? I shall return in just a few moments with act three. Now, while you were gone, here's what's been happening in that mythical kingdom, The United Kingdom Of Limbovania. I can only say that there has been a miraculous transformation. It is no longer a sleepy little country.
It has been transformed miraculously into a mighty nation, powerful in the into a mighty nation, powerful in the councils of the world community. There has been a surge of energy and patriotism. And right now, the proud and happy Limbo's are celebrating the first anniversary of the frantically
[00:29:54] Unknown:
in his shop. What are you doing there?
[00:29:58] Unknown:
What do you think I'm doing, my dear wife? I'm making anniversary souvenirs. See these medals? You knock them out for a penny and you sell them for a pound. But but they're junk. Oh, sure. You see how you do it? You line them up. You punch them out. But I And I got our kids out in the street with two big bagfuls. We'll sell thousands of you you see what they say? Big limbo on the March. Everybody buys one. Everybody wears one. Because how long can you prove you're a loyal patriotic citizen? Oh, stop it. Come on. Come on. Get your genuine authentic pledge of loyalty to the emperor, designed by the super sensational House of Jiraiya. I said stop it.
Why?
[00:30:41] Unknown:
You always wanted to be rich. I can't accept this. What's the matter? I I don't like you this way. Cynical, scornful, sneering. Not successful. No. Hard. Cruel. Contemptuous.
[00:30:53] Unknown:
Was it better the old way when I was stupid and we starved? Oh, please, Gerard. Be kind. Be sweet the way you always were. You see the world dazzled by dishonesty, enchanted by incompetence, transfigured by trivia. You say it cannot. It must not go on forever, but actually, it can.
[00:31:14] Unknown:
Obviously, it will. And perhaps it must. Why fight it? This junk, what you're doing now, it's not you. It's a lie. I never sold anything in this shop that wasn't genuine. That isn't true.
[00:31:26] Unknown:
When did I ever sell anything that was a fraud? Pick up a magazine. Any magazine. Why? Well, look at the magazines. What's being featured on every cover? Well, there's a king's ring. To find out. How can they find out? What can they find out? I'm the only one who can tell. They have ways.
[00:31:44] Unknown:
It's the people with power. They have ways. They'll find out and they'll hunt you down. Sophie, you must control yourself. A man, a hard looking, cruel looking, frightening man will suddenly walk in here and ask, are you mister Gerard? And when you say yes, he'll kill yourself. Sophie.
[00:32:01] Unknown:
Mister Gerard, how did you get in here? Hey, mister Gerard. He
[00:32:07] Unknown:
he he's not in. Why are you Gerard, baby?
[00:32:10] Unknown:
No. No. You're making a mistake. I'm not so glad to see me. It's Marissa. Marissa. Oh. Why did you betray me?
[00:32:17] Unknown:
Why do you wanna kill me? Kill you? Honey, I'm gonna make you. Make me what? Jeweler to the king. Jeweler to the king. Well, that's why we're here. Right, Le Roy? You will enter the king.
[00:32:30] Unknown:
Bless Gerard. Who's my man, Gerard? Your your majesty. Brother Gerard. Hey. Let me look in your eyes. Yeah. I see the truth. Eyes, brother Gerard, are the mirror of the soul. And you simply cannot hide your honesty, your independence, and your integrity. Honesty, independence, integrity. Three reasons, your majesty, why I am a ruined man today. But I'm ready to reform. I'm eager to improve myself. I'm willing to learn. Now then, Gerard. Oh, buddy. Could you do me a little favor? Try me. Test me. Well, I, I got this little item here. See? I wonder if you might just possibly tell me what it's worth.
Your majesty, this ring is, it's, absolutely unique. Come on, Gerard. We're not king and subject. We're Fran and Fran. The truth? Speak the truth. The truth? Yeah. Just a moment, please. What's it with? The truth? This is a Framus. Yeah. What's a Framus? A piece of glass. A pea I beg your pardon, Gerard. You said I said it was a piece of glass. You're positive? I'm positive. It all look like a piece of glass. I know. Well, I know it's quite that this looks like the world's most valuable diamond in any And yet it's the world's most ordinary glass. A piece of glass? A worthless piece of glass. Leroy, throw him in a cell. But, but I but I told you the truth. You asked me for the truth. Tomorrow morning, shoot him.
Jen. You beat me again, Leroy. Who invented the stupid game? Its origins are obscure. For we are probing the depths of remote antiquity. I have read monographs on a subject in ancient Sanskrit. Are you a historian? No. My doctorate is in nuclear physics. Well, what are you doing in that uniform? Practically all of us scientists work for the government. That's where it's at, as they say. Is that good? It's neither good nor bad. It's relative. Uh-huh. Now I'll knock. How many? Many? Two. One. Ah, this is a pointless game. In many ways, it's the story of your life.
[00:35:12] Unknown:
You're wrong, man. I fixed it for you. The door is open. Walk out. Marissa,
[00:35:16] Unknown:
the king is letting me out. He was only joking. All you have to do is say some words. What words? These words.
[00:35:24] Unknown:
Your majesty, your ring is worth untold millions. But it isn't true. Oh, no. He's asking you for the truth. All you're being asked for is some words. Just words. And the sun keeps shining, the grass keeps growing, the seas keep rolling. Words. Your majesty, your ring is a precious gem beyond price. It's worth its untold million. But that ring, it's a premise. Should I say no? Should you say no? Sure. Say no. But up your sleeve to yourself and never, never any louder than this. It's a frameth.
[00:36:04] Unknown:
But you still don't understand. It is a frameth.
[00:36:07] Unknown:
Alright. Let me show you how you can even do business on that basis. Instead of it is a premise, say it was a premise. Is, was, is the same word. All you did was change the the the the what, Leroy?
[00:36:24] Unknown:
The pence. Now, Marissa It was
[00:36:28] Unknown:
a framus when you had it. God, let a little tense intervene and things change. No? The caterpillar was butterfly is. And do you know what that humble little framus has become? No. It has become the state, the Royal Federated Union of the United Kingdom of Limbovania. Dig? Do you know what that silly furnace has become? It has become what word do I want, Leroy?
[00:37:01] Unknown:
Status quo. The status quo. But that's it. We must change. We must reject the status quo. We must reject the status quo. We must
[00:37:09] Unknown:
fight it. Change it. Reject it. Find it. Change it. Why? It's great. What have you got to gain by changing it? What have I got to gain?
[00:37:17] Unknown:
Everything.
[00:37:18] Unknown:
Everything. You mean you'll get something out of it? Yes. Wow. I've already got mine. When do you get yours? Later on.
[00:37:28] Unknown:
Later on? When? After I die.
[00:37:31] Unknown:
Oh, but then you kept nothing.
[00:37:33] Unknown:
You're wrong. I get immortality. But you'll be dead. Naturally. You have to die to become immortal. So how can you enjoy it? You don't enjoy it. But why do you want it? I need it. For what? To validate my principles. To prove I was right. Y'all a nut. Every man who's a hero in history was once a nut to his neighbors. A troublesome, quarrelsome, meddlesome nut. But I won't crack. I won't break. I'll denounce and defy them till the very end. They'll take my life, but they'll give me immortality. Immortality. Yes.
There will be a trial and the sentence of the execution. But even as the echoes of the shots fade away, there shall be another sound, another voice. And the people will know that they have been deluded and deceived by the frauds that rule them. And my name, my name, the story of my deeds and my defiance shall live forever. My grave shall become a shrine. You think so? And I shall be a legend. I don't think so.
[00:38:43] Unknown:
Let me tell you how it'll happen. Here in your cell, you'll be alone with Leroy, and you'll get a 38 caliber slug in the back of your neck. How can you save that? Leroy is a scientist. Scientists don't kill people. You'll never know what hit you. Neither will anyone else. A shrine. Whoever finds you, they'll flush you down a sewer and poison the water, or they'll broil you in a furnace and you'll pull out the air. No, Marissa. Help me. No. You'll die a hero, but a secret hero, an unknown hero, an unheard of hero.
[00:39:18] Unknown:
Hey, would you just hold on there, Prudgerud. And could you do an old buddy a little favor? Look at this again and see if you can tell me what it's worth. I I
[00:39:32] Unknown:
Tell his majesty what you see in there.
[00:39:36] Unknown:
But I don't see anything. Gerard, look again. Don't you see her? Who? Her. Please, Gerard. Be kind. Be sweet the way you always were.
[00:39:51] Unknown:
What do you see when you're looking at at him?
[00:39:54] Unknown:
My wife, my children.
[00:39:56] Unknown:
What else do you see? The sun, the sky,
[00:40:00] Unknown:
the sea. Come on, brother Gerard. What is this worth? Your majesty, this ring is precious beyond price. It's worth untold millions. Thank you, Gerard. Thank you. But it's our promise. It's a Framis. Well, didn't Galileo say the same thing under his breath to the judges of the inquisition? Nevertheless, it moves. Does this mean there is a time and place for everything in this world? There sure is. And if you don't believe me, check it out in the wonderful biblical book of Ecclesiastes. And wait for me. I'll be right back. A diamond is a piece of carbonized rock, and so is a piece of coal.
If you were offered your choice of a sack full of each, which would you choose? Would you really? Okay. Now suppose you were offered that same choice in an isolated cabin, snowbound in the dead of winter, with the temperature at 30 below zero? You bet you would. You see, value is relative. And one of the few absolutes in life is the fact that you can depend on us each time at the same hour. Our cast included Howard Da Silva, Brianna Rayburn, Joan Shea, Ian Martin, and Robert Dryden. The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Listerine Lozenges.
This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time, pleasant dream.
Come in. Welcome. I'm EG Marshall, plenty of potentially from that mysterious realm whose major exports are terror, terror, mystery, and the macabre. In silence, can man most readily preserve his integrity. Or to put it another way, no one ever got into trouble by keeping his mouth shut. Test the premise for yourself. What has brought you the most grief? Speech or silence? Our mystery grammar, the Flameth, was written especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dan and stars Howard Da Silva. It is sponsored in part by Listerine Lozenges and Buick Motor Division.
I'll be back shortly with act one. The meek, we are told, shall inherit the earth, but not, however, in the immediate future. And so at this point in time and until further notice, the meek shall have the usual tough sledding. Well, Well, that's how it goes. Today, we shall tell you a little sable about the meek. And because it's a sable, we'll have it take place in a mythical kingdom. Therefore, for your benefit, we have created one called the United Kingdom Limbovania. Our hero is named Gerard. He is a jeweler. He's very good, but he is very poor.
Do you know why? Because he is a philosopher. Did you ever hear of a rich philosopher? There is a law that says that not only must philosophers be poor, they must also have cross, querulous wives. Well, it's very late at night, and Gerard is alone at his workbench, holding aloft a magnificent silver cup which he has just crafted. And he is making a speech to an imaginary audience. Yes. He's that kind of person. Fellow citizens of Limbovania, I appear on this national television network to set your minds at rest and your hearts at ease. Though I have been besieged by envoys from the Louvre in France, the Prado in Spain, the Metropolitan in America, this magnificent silver cup that I have just created shall remain here at home.
This does not mean that I support our corrupt and and oppressive monarchy. This does not mean that I have now joined the lifeless, bloodless, decadent charlatans at the Royal Academy.
[00:03:13] Unknown:
Wow. You're giving everybody their lumps tonight, aren't you? Oh, I I thought you were asleep. What's that thing?
[00:03:22] Unknown:
This? It's a silver loving cup.
[00:03:26] Unknown:
So that's what you were working on. I might have known. All these nights, I listened to the hammer. I say to myself, maybe he's seen the light. Maybe he'll make something he can sell. Why do you make things like this this cup? Because I find
[00:03:47] Unknown:
it Who asked you to make it? No one. Who's gonna buy it? Nobody.
[00:03:48] Unknown:
Then what's the point? What are you after?
[00:03:51] Unknown:
Immortality. What? Immortality. Oh. In this cup, I make my statement. Forget it. In this cup, I say, look, world. Here, in precious metal Forget it. But I want you to understand. I don't want to understand. But when you don't understand a person, you may grow to hate him. Settle for that. Because when you do understand a person, you may wanna kill him.
[00:04:20] Unknown:
Well, what was that? What was what? That that's a terrible noise.
[00:04:25] Unknown:
My dear, what is it?
[00:04:28] Unknown:
July. Sit there. What?
[00:04:32] Unknown:
But what is it? So Sophie? Sophie, what what are you?
[00:04:38] Unknown:
Say another word. Look. Look at this. Where did you find that? I I happened to glance over to the window. That that crack of thunder smashed it a few moments ago, and it was lying there on the floor beside broken window. It it was lying there, just lying there on the floor.
[00:04:59] Unknown:
Let let me have it. Oh, isn't it
[00:05:03] Unknown:
absolutely the the biggest, the brightest, the shiniest, most brilliant diamond in the whole world?
[00:05:09] Unknown:
In the whole world. Yes.
[00:05:11] Unknown:
I I must look at it. Oh, look at it. Examine it. Yes. Yes. How how much is it worth? Oh, I Tell me. Tell me. Hold on. Alright. I'll be quiet. I won't say a word while you examine it. You're the craftsman, the master, the genius. What do you think? 500? A thousand? What am I talking about? 5,000? I bet I'm not even
[00:05:41] Unknown:
close.
[00:05:42] Unknown:
It's it's your reward. Your reward for being honest and sincere and idealistic. The good lord does something like this now and then. He has to A million dollars. It must be worth a million dollars. Amazing. Fantastic.
[00:05:59] Unknown:
What sparkle. What light. What fuss. What color. What a spectacular configuration. What's it worth? Oh. What's it worth? What's it worth? Nothing. It's a piece of glass. No. I admit it's a remarkable piece of glass, but But let's see how it shined. It's all fire and ice. How can you say it is a piece of glass? Well, let me give you the scientific explanation. No. Glass breaks all the time. I don't wanna hear it. And once, just once, every 54,000,000,000,000 times, does a piece of glass break exactly the way this one did? Wives kill their husbands for less. You see, it broke along the full duration of the guideline of serenity instead of splitting in the ordinary way down the altercation of the plumb line of stress. You follow this? Wives shoot, stab, strangle their husbands. And the result is called a phramis. With a good lawyer, she's home free. So ask me. What's the remarkable thing about a phramis, sir? I still have enough appeal for a jury. The remarkable thing is that only I can tell it's a frameth. Any other jeweler would pronounce this, a diamond.
What what do you mean only you can tell it's a frameth? Because only I have done the research. I am the trailblazer, the discoverer, the pioneer in a brand new, so far unknown science of phamisometry.
[00:07:22] Unknown:
Oh, well then, Angel. How were you to put that into a gold or a platinum setting? It it it would look exactly like a diamond ring. For sure. I don't believe it. Impossible.
[00:07:35] Unknown:
Impossible. Impossible? You're talking to the man with a finger's watch. See how I do it? Just a touch. Now tap. Now twist. Turn it. Tighten. Nice. And here it is. Fit for the finger of a king. Oh, magnificent.
[00:07:54] Unknown:
Our upwind assigned. Beautiful diamond ring for sale. Sweetheart,
[00:07:59] Unknown:
you cannot sell this as a diamond.
[00:08:02] Unknown:
Why not, beloved?
[00:08:03] Unknown:
Because, Precious,
[00:08:05] Unknown:
it's not a diamond. Who's gonna know the difference?
[00:08:08] Unknown:
I will. Oh, it would be so easy to call this a diamond, and I'm tempted. That's why you must help me. Help you do what? Help me withstand temptation. Help me keep my honor. I'll do nothing of a kind. Sophie, every man's integrity is tested once in his life. How do you know this is the test? This is a framus, and it's a fraud.
[00:08:33] Unknown:
Well, in that case, there's only one thing a man of honor can do, destroy it. To destroy it? As a man whose integrity is being tested, you have no other choice. All around you are the means of destruction. Ask it. Dissolve it. Fire. Burn it. Or pick up your hammer and smash it to powder.
[00:08:56] Unknown:
I can't. After all, it's a it's a lovely thing. Oh, it surely is. I don't have to sell it. Mm-mm. I can keep it and enjoy it myself. Of course.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
And so to bed. Good morning, Gerard baby. Let's make love.
[00:09:24] Unknown:
Please don't talk like that, Marissa. Oh, why not?
[00:09:27] Unknown:
I'm a married man. Well, that's why you need loving.
[00:09:31] Unknown:
I haven't looked at another woman since I've been married. You overdo. Marissa, why don't you find a nice young man? Why don't you come with me? Come with you? Where? Where all the
[00:09:42] Unknown:
reaction is. Let's go to the capital. Let's go to Otterclay City. Marie. A man of your genius. Well, you're wasted on these peasants. Oh, and so am I. Nobody really appreciates me here either. What a team we could make. You're the fingers. I'm the frame. You could become the king's jeweler. I could become the king's mistress. What? Well, do you doubt your ability? No. And no question mine. Somebody gets to be his mistress just like somebody gets to be his doctor, his no. I remember why I came in. A cute lieutenant will be in here any minute. Who? No. I don't know who. He's drilling his men in the square. Couldn't keep his eyes off me. I'll, sell him that
[00:10:28] Unknown:
bracelet. I've always liked it. How do you know he'll come in here to buy you something? In a lot of them. Marissa,
[00:10:36] Unknown:
how will you end up? The same way you will. Dead. Well Oh, okay, sir. I'll see you later, Gerard.
[00:10:48] Unknown:
What's her name? Marissa. Marissa. I tell you, citizen Gerard, I have fallen madly in love with Marissa. Please, lieutenant. Be kind to her. Have I ever been unkind to anyone? Have I ever used the privilege of my noble birth to abuse my inferior? Now what have the two of you arranged for me to buy her? Oh, now you have necklaces, bracelets, brooches, rings, so many old familiar things, and the ladies always sell them back to you, don't they? Well, my friend, this is my final go round. You see before you the last barren Melvin, the final withered branch of the dead family tree. Oh, come now, lieutenant. The house of Melvin shall be no more. I have squandered the last of the family fortune. Adhere these few coins.
All that remain for the final fling. It's, it'll have to be something modern. Yes. I know. I I know. I have here a a bracelet. Citizen Gerard. Small. Yes. But, quality. Citizen Gerard, that's that's, What are you looking at? That ring. I must have that ring. But, it's not a ring. It's not a ring? Well, yes. It's a it's a ring, but it's not a diamond ring. The stone you see is a pramist. A lot? A piece of blood. A piece of blood. A piece of that's a lie. It's true. But the the setting, it's genuine platinum. Oh, yes. And real gold. Purest gold. And you always surround a worthless piece of glass with precious platinum and purest gold. I was just No. You were just what? I was just about to destroy it. If it's displayed in your shop, you'll require the senate. That's the law. There's no such law. It's just been passed.
It's a piece of glass. Say that again, then I shall run my sword through you. Oh, please, lieutenant. Tell him to sell me the ring. I'll sell him the ring. I can't pay for it now, but I will run the aim. Please put away your sword. Well, I won't tell her it's worth a hundred, a thousand, a million. Sell him the ring. But I don't wanna cheat him. The ring. He thinks it's a diamond. No. Tell him. The ring. How can I convince him? Give him the ring.
[00:13:01] Unknown:
Fuck. Take it, lieutenant. Here. Take it. Put away your sword, please. Yeah.
[00:13:08] Unknown:
The ring is my ring. Send the bill to the house of Merwin. Fellow citizens, the house of Merwin has risen. The house of Melbourne has risen. The house of Melvin has risen again, indeed, and lieutenant Melvin accepts the plaudits of the multitude as all are blinded with adoration for the brilliant ring on his finger. And the adoring mob carries him on her shoulders into one shop after another. And soon, he is costumed in splendor from head to foot as befits the scion of the house of Melvin. But how high can the house of Melvin possibly rise?
You'll be here when I return in just a few moments with act two. Well, now as we proceed with our fable, the principal square in the provincial city has never seen such a celebration. They are lionizing Lieutenant Melvin, who only this morning was a ruined and penniless aristocrat. But now it's plain to see the house of Melvin has risen again. For on Melvin's finger, there gleams a ring of surpassing brilliance. And so the bells are chiming and the folk are shouting and the wine is pouring and the bands are playing and all is pandemonium except in the shop of our friend, Gerard.
No. For so Don't you just get put out of the shop? He must know the truth. What truth? That ring. It's only a piece of glass. Mine's your business. But he's under the impression that Forget it. It's only a promise. Now what's happening? Where? Look through the window. What do you see?
[00:15:23] Unknown:
What do you mean? What do I see? I I see the clouds.
[00:15:26] Unknown:
But it's quiet. Suddenly, it's quiet. No one is saying a word.
[00:15:33] Unknown:
Yes. It it is. It's it's it's quiet.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
And see there, a big important looking officer has just put his hand on lieutenant Melvin's shoulder. The officer's saying something. Open the door. What's he saying? Lieutenant Melvin. Yes. What can I do with you, my man? Under arrest. Under arrest? Me? I had seen him. You you can't do this to me. I've I've done nothing wrong. Get get your hands off me. I'm an officer, an old woman, and a gentleman. I I have rights. What's the charge? What's the charge? You you you can't just throw me into prison. No. No. Notify my colonel. I demand to see my colonel.
[00:16:17] Unknown:
Oh, stop the salting.
[00:16:19] Unknown:
Oh, colonel Ramheart. I'm saved. Lieutenant Melvin, I shall read to you the verdict of the court martial. Court martial? Well, what court martial? Who? Court martial? Your court martial. The accused, lieutenant Darren Melvin, having been found guilty as charged, shall be hanged by the neck until he is dead. Signed, Millard Ramrod, colonel, Royal of Cavalry Presiding. Well, I thought I I I don't remember any court martial. The court martial was duly convened, legally conducted, and arrived at its verdict in accordance with the law. Yes. But I wasn't there. That's not important. The verdict would still be the same. But that's not justice. If the court had acquitted you, would that have been justice? Well, certainly.
Well, and you're not complaining about justice, only about the murders. But you can't hang an innocent man. I don't want you to hang, lieutenant. Oh, thank you, sir. I would not like to see you disgraced on the scaffold. Oh, bless you, sir. Here's my pistol. Heaven will reward you, sir. Shut yourself. Shut myself. No. No. I I tell you, I I I'm innocent. I have here your concession. I never signed any kind of consent. It was signed for you.
[00:17:31] Unknown:
Oh, Melvin, stop fighting justice. Now just search yourself. Oh, please, colonel.
[00:17:36] Unknown:
Look at yourself in that stolen finery. Why, that ring alone, that ring must be worth a fortune, that ring. Oh, you you you you like the ring? Good. Take it. No. No. No. Oh, god. I was slain. Stop. Stop, Colonel, or I shall shoot you with your own pistol. I am not afraid to die. That's because you're afraid to live. You're afraid of life. That's why you vegetate here in this, provincial post. I'll shut up. Colonel Ramrod, military scientist and global thinker. And what are you to the brass in Autoclave City, a petty drill master? I order you to be quiet. The most brilliant officer in the army, and you'll die without a general star. Buy one.
Buy one. With this ring, you'll be able to. Buy one. Maybe I'll die without my general star, but I'll die with my honor. Order colonel. What is honor? Isn't the highest honor? Love for king and country, isn't it? Yeah. Doesn't the very life of the nation depend on the armed forces? I Would that sound? The safety of that country best preserved in your hands? Doesn't it make it absolutely necessary then for you to become a general? Was that me how? Don't fight fate, colonel. I was meant to obtain this ring so that you might use it to save our country. Yes.
Yes. They're all senile and sutting away. It's a such pool of intrigue. I must clean it out. That's why you were born, colonel. May I assist you in your holy mission? Let's ring.
[00:19:41] Unknown:
Yes? Who who wished to fill him? Colonel Rembrandt? Never heard of him. What does this bumpkin from the provinces want? Probably been saving his pennies for years and he had walking with them all tied up in his handkerchief. But, alright. I see him. It should be amusing.
[00:20:05] Unknown:
Colonel Ramrod. At your service, madame. I have come here to pay my respects to your husband,
[00:20:11] Unknown:
our great minister of war. You have come here to buy a general star. What do you offer me? What do I offer? I
[00:20:21] Unknown:
offer you myself. How dare you make such an offer. Oh, you've been waiting for such an offer. Your days are spent in yearning for it. Your nights in dreaming.
[00:20:31] Unknown:
For your information, I receive such offers every day. Now tell you.
[00:20:36] Unknown:
When was the last one? When was the last time a man offered you his heart, his soul, his life, his honor, his hope for happiness in this world and salvation in the next?
[00:20:47] Unknown:
Do you expect me to believe that when I know know I am no longer beautiful? I find you beautiful, Lurlene. Madame Lurlene. Of what interest could I have in love? I
[00:21:00] Unknown:
I'm an old woman. Not an old woman. An older woman, just as I am an older man.
[00:21:09] Unknown:
Love was was made for the young. No. No. No.
[00:21:13] Unknown:
For the young, love is strong liquor. But to people like us, love is fine wine, old wine. We do not drink to slake the first. We only sip to delight the soul. All you want is your general star. I have not come here for your tinsley star. I love you. Listen. Ten years ago, you and your husband inspected the Garrison Of Groundbad. I can't remember.
[00:21:39] Unknown:
Well, I can't forget. You wore a green suit, black shoes, a corsage of white roses. I always dress that way when I review the truth. The most unbecoming costume I ever saw.
[00:21:52] Unknown:
But I fell in love with you in spite of it. Oh, and you you waited ten years to tell me? I waited ten years to find my courage. I waited ten years until I could find a gift worthy of the woman I love. This ring.
[00:22:09] Unknown:
Oh, no. No. I I can't accept this. Take my ring. Oh, please. Please go. Why are you afraid to be a woman? Why are you afraid to love? I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. Then I will place this ring
[00:22:24] Unknown:
on your finger.
[00:22:26] Unknown:
Oh, my general. My very own general. General. Do do do you like my hair up this way? I wonder what my new assignment is to be. Awesome. The walk, I think. How shall I dress? Green. You you fell in love with me in green. And my new duty. Oh, love me. Love me. Oh, darling, I I want to be alone with you, but I want to show you off to everyone. I want you to be my secret, but I want everyone to know. What? Oh, darling. Our love is enough for me. Enough for me. You shall be presented at court to be a sensation in Autoclave City. Well, my darling, how do you like well, all that the king wants to do is listen to rock music.
[00:23:27] Unknown:
Ma'am, the queen.
[00:23:29] Unknown:
All she wants to do is find out who his latest mistress is.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
That's obvious. That slim blonde girl. What's her name?
[00:23:39] Unknown:
Marissa? Oh, she's just his friend. That doesn't count. Do you know who his mistress is? I don't think he knows what. Well, I suppose he has
[00:23:48] Unknown:
and the queen finds out. What will the queen do to her?
[00:23:53] Unknown:
She'll have her spoon. Steam? Yes. That's why this place is called Autoclave City. One little mistake and things get so hot for you. Now tell me, dearest
[00:24:07] Unknown:
Lurleen. Why is the queen looking at you like that?
[00:24:12] Unknown:
I don't know. But But what? That's that's how she looks at people just before they get steamed. Oh, now she's whispering to the king. Oh, if only I could hear what she's saying.
[00:24:31] Unknown:
Look, would you quit bugging me, baby? I don't have no mistress. You do. You do. And I know who. I think you flipped your wig. Don't talk to me that way. I'm the king. I can talk any way you like. Oh, some king. This two by four nickel and dime. Maybe if you spin, that's fine with your mistress. Then you get off my bag. I don't have no mistress.
[00:24:52] Unknown:
No figure. You go for an old bag like her. An old bag like who? Into my face. She's our best friend. What are you saying? The lady, Lornean.
[00:25:01] Unknown:
Oh, you are, Raudy. I am? Look.
[00:25:05] Unknown:
Look at what? The ring. The ring on her finger? Who give her such a ring? Her 98 year old husband?
[00:25:16] Unknown:
Hey. That
[00:25:18] Unknown:
That that ring. And who would dare wear at the ring of court? Who would dare outshine the queen? Only the mistress of the kingdom. You gave her that ring. Who dare wear that? Show me up. I'm gonna have her steamed. Leroy? Yes, your majesty. Steamed her. I I am going to be steamed. What does that mean? The whole court will turn on me, say things, accuse me, taunt me, bait me, harass me until I destroy me. But why? I don't know.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
I don't know.
[00:25:59] Unknown:
It's the ring. The ring? The queen. Say, look at the face.
[00:26:04] Unknown:
She thinks you're the king's mistress because you're wearing the ring. No. But I'm not. Look at the king's face. He can't take his eyes off the ring. Save yourself. Give him the ring. Oh, no. Can't you say the king wants that ring? Give him the ring before it's too late. Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. Lady Leline has an announcement to make.
[00:26:31] Unknown:
I have known our wonderful king since he was a child. I have watched him become a great king and so as a grateful and loyal subject, I wish to present him with this token of my esteem, this ring.
[00:26:54] Unknown:
The ring. Oh, thank you. That's That's some ring of majesty. Yeah. This ring, Marissa. Betty, hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. What what do you think this ring is? What are you saying? Big, big money. There are diamonds and then there are diamonds. Wow. Some Some of them, no matter how big they are, they just leave it. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Oh, but this one, you can feel all that brilliance kind of explode like inside of you. You know what I wanted to be ever since I was a kid? A king? Not just a king. Not some little scared slob of a king that fell into it, but a ruler.
A mighty ruler of men. This, this ring, what do you think it's worth? Oh, a fortune. You can feel it. See? You you can feel the fire burn. The the ice freeze. Exact of the plane. Yeah. By who? The royal jeweler. Those clowns. You know what they'll say? It's a precious oh, I wonder what it's really worth. Oh, it must be worth millions. If only I could find a real, honest jeweler. One of us is scared to tell me the truth, ma'am. I,
[00:28:05] Unknown:
I know a guy who couldn't tell a lie that life depended on it. And what good is he to me if he's not a jeweler? He is a jeweler. The greatest jeweler in the world.
[00:28:14] Unknown:
Baby, what's his name? Gerard. You should have expected this development. Everything that goes up must come down. We go away only to come back. You knew eventually that we would have to return to our old friend, Gerard. You also know the question he's going to be asked. Do you know the answer he's going to give? Wanna bet? I shall return in just a few moments with act three. Now, while you were gone, here's what's been happening in that mythical kingdom, The United Kingdom Of Limbovania. I can only say that there has been a miraculous transformation. It is no longer a sleepy little country.
It has been transformed miraculously into a mighty nation, powerful in the into a mighty nation, powerful in the councils of the world community. There has been a surge of energy and patriotism. And right now, the proud and happy Limbo's are celebrating the first anniversary of the frantically
[00:29:54] Unknown:
in his shop. What are you doing there?
[00:29:58] Unknown:
What do you think I'm doing, my dear wife? I'm making anniversary souvenirs. See these medals? You knock them out for a penny and you sell them for a pound. But but they're junk. Oh, sure. You see how you do it? You line them up. You punch them out. But I And I got our kids out in the street with two big bagfuls. We'll sell thousands of you you see what they say? Big limbo on the March. Everybody buys one. Everybody wears one. Because how long can you prove you're a loyal patriotic citizen? Oh, stop it. Come on. Come on. Get your genuine authentic pledge of loyalty to the emperor, designed by the super sensational House of Jiraiya. I said stop it.
Why?
[00:30:41] Unknown:
You always wanted to be rich. I can't accept this. What's the matter? I I don't like you this way. Cynical, scornful, sneering. Not successful. No. Hard. Cruel. Contemptuous.
[00:30:53] Unknown:
Was it better the old way when I was stupid and we starved? Oh, please, Gerard. Be kind. Be sweet the way you always were. You see the world dazzled by dishonesty, enchanted by incompetence, transfigured by trivia. You say it cannot. It must not go on forever, but actually, it can.
[00:31:14] Unknown:
Obviously, it will. And perhaps it must. Why fight it? This junk, what you're doing now, it's not you. It's a lie. I never sold anything in this shop that wasn't genuine. That isn't true.
[00:31:26] Unknown:
When did I ever sell anything that was a fraud? Pick up a magazine. Any magazine. Why? Well, look at the magazines. What's being featured on every cover? Well, there's a king's ring. To find out. How can they find out? What can they find out? I'm the only one who can tell. They have ways.
[00:31:44] Unknown:
It's the people with power. They have ways. They'll find out and they'll hunt you down. Sophie, you must control yourself. A man, a hard looking, cruel looking, frightening man will suddenly walk in here and ask, are you mister Gerard? And when you say yes, he'll kill yourself. Sophie.
[00:32:01] Unknown:
Mister Gerard, how did you get in here? Hey, mister Gerard. He
[00:32:07] Unknown:
he he's not in. Why are you Gerard, baby?
[00:32:10] Unknown:
No. No. You're making a mistake. I'm not so glad to see me. It's Marissa. Marissa. Oh. Why did you betray me?
[00:32:17] Unknown:
Why do you wanna kill me? Kill you? Honey, I'm gonna make you. Make me what? Jeweler to the king. Jeweler to the king. Well, that's why we're here. Right, Le Roy? You will enter the king.
[00:32:30] Unknown:
Bless Gerard. Who's my man, Gerard? Your your majesty. Brother Gerard. Hey. Let me look in your eyes. Yeah. I see the truth. Eyes, brother Gerard, are the mirror of the soul. And you simply cannot hide your honesty, your independence, and your integrity. Honesty, independence, integrity. Three reasons, your majesty, why I am a ruined man today. But I'm ready to reform. I'm eager to improve myself. I'm willing to learn. Now then, Gerard. Oh, buddy. Could you do me a little favor? Try me. Test me. Well, I, I got this little item here. See? I wonder if you might just possibly tell me what it's worth.
Your majesty, this ring is, it's, absolutely unique. Come on, Gerard. We're not king and subject. We're Fran and Fran. The truth? Speak the truth. The truth? Yeah. Just a moment, please. What's it with? The truth? This is a Framus. Yeah. What's a Framus? A piece of glass. A pea I beg your pardon, Gerard. You said I said it was a piece of glass. You're positive? I'm positive. It all look like a piece of glass. I know. Well, I know it's quite that this looks like the world's most valuable diamond in any And yet it's the world's most ordinary glass. A piece of glass? A worthless piece of glass. Leroy, throw him in a cell. But, but I but I told you the truth. You asked me for the truth. Tomorrow morning, shoot him.
Jen. You beat me again, Leroy. Who invented the stupid game? Its origins are obscure. For we are probing the depths of remote antiquity. I have read monographs on a subject in ancient Sanskrit. Are you a historian? No. My doctorate is in nuclear physics. Well, what are you doing in that uniform? Practically all of us scientists work for the government. That's where it's at, as they say. Is that good? It's neither good nor bad. It's relative. Uh-huh. Now I'll knock. How many? Many? Two. One. Ah, this is a pointless game. In many ways, it's the story of your life.
[00:35:12] Unknown:
You're wrong, man. I fixed it for you. The door is open. Walk out. Marissa,
[00:35:16] Unknown:
the king is letting me out. He was only joking. All you have to do is say some words. What words? These words.
[00:35:24] Unknown:
Your majesty, your ring is worth untold millions. But it isn't true. Oh, no. He's asking you for the truth. All you're being asked for is some words. Just words. And the sun keeps shining, the grass keeps growing, the seas keep rolling. Words. Your majesty, your ring is a precious gem beyond price. It's worth its untold million. But that ring, it's a premise. Should I say no? Should you say no? Sure. Say no. But up your sleeve to yourself and never, never any louder than this. It's a frameth.
[00:36:04] Unknown:
But you still don't understand. It is a frameth.
[00:36:07] Unknown:
Alright. Let me show you how you can even do business on that basis. Instead of it is a premise, say it was a premise. Is, was, is the same word. All you did was change the the the the what, Leroy?
[00:36:24] Unknown:
The pence. Now, Marissa It was
[00:36:28] Unknown:
a framus when you had it. God, let a little tense intervene and things change. No? The caterpillar was butterfly is. And do you know what that humble little framus has become? No. It has become the state, the Royal Federated Union of the United Kingdom of Limbovania. Dig? Do you know what that silly furnace has become? It has become what word do I want, Leroy?
[00:37:01] Unknown:
Status quo. The status quo. But that's it. We must change. We must reject the status quo. We must reject the status quo. We must
[00:37:09] Unknown:
fight it. Change it. Reject it. Find it. Change it. Why? It's great. What have you got to gain by changing it? What have I got to gain?
[00:37:17] Unknown:
Everything.
[00:37:18] Unknown:
Everything. You mean you'll get something out of it? Yes. Wow. I've already got mine. When do you get yours? Later on.
[00:37:28] Unknown:
Later on? When? After I die.
[00:37:31] Unknown:
Oh, but then you kept nothing.
[00:37:33] Unknown:
You're wrong. I get immortality. But you'll be dead. Naturally. You have to die to become immortal. So how can you enjoy it? You don't enjoy it. But why do you want it? I need it. For what? To validate my principles. To prove I was right. Y'all a nut. Every man who's a hero in history was once a nut to his neighbors. A troublesome, quarrelsome, meddlesome nut. But I won't crack. I won't break. I'll denounce and defy them till the very end. They'll take my life, but they'll give me immortality. Immortality. Yes.
There will be a trial and the sentence of the execution. But even as the echoes of the shots fade away, there shall be another sound, another voice. And the people will know that they have been deluded and deceived by the frauds that rule them. And my name, my name, the story of my deeds and my defiance shall live forever. My grave shall become a shrine. You think so? And I shall be a legend. I don't think so.
[00:38:43] Unknown:
Let me tell you how it'll happen. Here in your cell, you'll be alone with Leroy, and you'll get a 38 caliber slug in the back of your neck. How can you save that? Leroy is a scientist. Scientists don't kill people. You'll never know what hit you. Neither will anyone else. A shrine. Whoever finds you, they'll flush you down a sewer and poison the water, or they'll broil you in a furnace and you'll pull out the air. No, Marissa. Help me. No. You'll die a hero, but a secret hero, an unknown hero, an unheard of hero.
[00:39:18] Unknown:
Hey, would you just hold on there, Prudgerud. And could you do an old buddy a little favor? Look at this again and see if you can tell me what it's worth. I I
[00:39:32] Unknown:
Tell his majesty what you see in there.
[00:39:36] Unknown:
But I don't see anything. Gerard, look again. Don't you see her? Who? Her. Please, Gerard. Be kind. Be sweet the way you always were.
[00:39:51] Unknown:
What do you see when you're looking at at him?
[00:39:54] Unknown:
My wife, my children.
[00:39:56] Unknown:
What else do you see? The sun, the sky,
[00:40:00] Unknown:
the sea. Come on, brother Gerard. What is this worth? Your majesty, this ring is precious beyond price. It's worth untold millions. Thank you, Gerard. Thank you. But it's our promise. It's a Framis. Well, didn't Galileo say the same thing under his breath to the judges of the inquisition? Nevertheless, it moves. Does this mean there is a time and place for everything in this world? There sure is. And if you don't believe me, check it out in the wonderful biblical book of Ecclesiastes. And wait for me. I'll be right back. A diamond is a piece of carbonized rock, and so is a piece of coal.
If you were offered your choice of a sack full of each, which would you choose? Would you really? Okay. Now suppose you were offered that same choice in an isolated cabin, snowbound in the dead of winter, with the temperature at 30 below zero? You bet you would. You see, value is relative. And one of the few absolutes in life is the fact that you can depend on us each time at the same hour. Our cast included Howard Da Silva, Brianna Rayburn, Joan Shea, Ian Martin, and Robert Dryden. The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Listerine Lozenges.
This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time, pleasant dream.
Introduction to the Mystery Realm
The Meek and the Mythical Kingdom
Gerard's Philosophical Dilemma
The Discovery of the Framus
The Rise of Lieutenant Melvin
Court Intrigues and the Ring
The Transformation of Limbovania
The Test of Integrity
