In this thrilling episode of the CBS Radio Mystery Theater, we follow the story of Marge and Harold Connor, a couple from Barrows Point, Maine, who embark on their honeymoon in the bustling Big City. Their adventure takes a dramatic turn when they are robbed in their hotel room, losing all their money and belongings. However, their misfortune captures the heart of the city, leading to an outpouring of generosity from the locals. As the story unfolds, the couple becomes the center of attention, receiving gifts and support from strangers, and even appearing on television. But as the plot thickens, questions arise about the authenticity of their story, leading to a surprising twist involving Harold's brother, the chief of police back home.
The episode delves into themes of trust, deception, and the kindness of strangers, as the Connors navigate the complexities of their unexpected fame. With a mix of humor and suspense, the narrative explores the impact of media and public perception, ultimately revealing the truth behind the mysterious events. Listeners are left pondering the nature of luck and the importance of community support in times of crisis.
(01:07) Introduction to the Mystery
(02:14) The Honeymooners' Misfortune
(07:27) The Robbery Unfolds
(13:46) Media Frenzy and Public Sympathy
(21:10) Unexpected Consequences
(28:12) The Truth Unveiled
(39:12) Resolution and Reflection
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Unknown:
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You coming to bed, hon? Yep. Honey, I'll be I'll be right there. Just gotta turn out the light.
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Some things never change. Like your kids always leaving tiny toys on the floor for you to step on, and GEICO saving folks lots of money on their car insurance.
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Sweetie, I think I left the downstairs light on. Please don't make me go. Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more.
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CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents Come in. Welcome. I'm EG Marshall. Do you remember the old nursery rhyme? Punch and Judy went to town
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to see what they could see.
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A highwayman took all their clothes and hung them on a tree. They asked a farmer what to do. He said, do not complain. Punch and Judy turned around and went back home again. That was written three hundred years ago. The story we're about to tell you happened yesterday.
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Our honeymoon ruined. My husband was gonna take me to the most expensive dinner in the city tonight.
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Now I can't go. Of course, you can, missus Connor. You just leave it to what folks in television is. By the time we tell your story to the TV audience, you and your husband will be the most celebrated couple to hit the big city. But we have no money. Mister Connor getting robbed and your honeymoon is going to be the luckiest thing that ever happened to you. Our mystery drama, Big City Blues, was written especially for the mystery Theater by g Frederick Lewis and stars Russell Horton and Marian Haley. It is sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Signoff, the sign of medicines.
I'll be back shortly with act one. It made all the headlines. It could have been written by O'Henry, said the newsmen. Interestingly enough, neither Harold nor his wife, Marge Connor, minded at all if we used their real name. It was the Big City where it happened. They objected, probably because it was sort of embarrassing the way it turned out. So when the mayor asked us not to say where this happened, we agreed and said, okay. We'll call it Big City. It began the day Marge and Harold checked into the Big Glass Hotel in Big City. You had a reservation.
What did you say your name was? Mister. Harold Connor. Mister and missus for how long was that? Oh, I don't know.
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A week, we hope. Please have a money rent to house. Until the month
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Connor. No. I don't seem to find a name. Is that Connor with a k or a c? With an h. H, Connor, has a last name. The last name. That's a mess. Connor with a c. You don't have it? I I made the reservation a month ago. You did, Harold. You didn't tell me. Didn't I? Oh, sure I did. But how could you be so sure I'd say yes? Oh, I knew. Well, I'm sorry. I thought you knew. We'd waited for three years, baby face. Neither of us were getting any younger. Oh. I knew you'd have to give in and marry me sometime.
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Oh. You man. You're so
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sure of yourself. Well, I am sorry, sir, but we just don't seem to have any record. Jump in glory. Oscar, you've got to. I'll come all this way. I telephone directly from Barrows Point. You call from Barrows Point? Barrows Point, Maine. What did you send a deposit? What's that? I see. Well, I'm sorry, but we have got no room. We are full of Oh my.
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Oh, what a way to begin a honeymoon.
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Did did you say honeymoon? Uh-huh. Well, that puts an entirely different complexion on the matter. There's a honeymoon file. Oh, yes. Here we are. Here we are at the honeymoon suite, mister and missus Harold Connor. Well, happy honeymoon, folks. You'll find a bottle of champagne and a basket of fruit in your suite. Compliments of the management. Now just sign the register here mister Connor.
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Run. Oh, hell. Just look at the view of the city from this window. Why? It's spectacular.
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You shouldn't have said that about we are staying here until our money runs out, love you. What are they gonna think?
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Well, how much money do we have for a honeymoon? Have enough. I don't want my little bride to worry yourself about that. Oh, hello. You've got to stop talking to me as if I were teenage bride. Lovely baby face. I'm 28. So what? I'm 34. We're mature people. We don't talk like that. Even on a honeymoon.
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I don't see what age has to do with it. My parents married at 40. Honeyburn.
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Oh, hell. I don't see your dad calling this 40 year old bride your mother, Honeyburn. Now let me think. What did I wear tonight? Oh, our first big night on the town. Where are we going, hell? To the most
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expensive restaurant the taxi driver will take us to. My taxi? A taxi driver? Oh, sure. Oh. That's what everybody does in big city.
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Yes. Who is it? Telegram. Telegram for that? Who knows where he is? Uh-uh. Just a minute.
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Well I, did tell a couple of the fellas at the lumber yard. You were told a couple of Oh and my brother too of course. Boy was he envious.
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Where'd you go on your honeymoon Harold? It's supposed to be a secret. Telegram. I got a telegram, please. I don't think we ought to open the door. Know what they say? It could be anybody.
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Slip it under the door, will you? You have to sign for it. Mister and missus Harold Connor. It's alright. You know their name. Mr. Cutter? That's me. Can you sign here, please? Thanks. Oh, you don't happen to have a pencil on you, do you? No. I don't, Mr. Cutter. But I have this. Can we go quietly back into your room, mister and missus Connor, and shut the door? Yeah. Watch where you're pointing, Matt. What what is this? And she gets you're being robbed.
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We just got this love. Nothing. This is everything. Operator.
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Operator.
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I'm not getting anything out of this phone. Oh, you didn't leave us a single thing around my wedding ring. My engagement ring. My earrings.
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You with this phone. I said got it all marked off with names. I dialed room service. I dialed bell captain. Nothing.
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Hello? Hello? Cool. You were you dug everything in sadness and worked out of here like you were the two. Oh, fans.
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There's only two more things left to dial. Barba Sharp and Beauty Parlour. May I help you? We've just been robbed. What did you say? I I I said we've just been robbed. That's what I said. Oh, my oh, my oh, my oh. My oh. This this man walked in, said there was a telegram, and he had a gun. Telegram? Oh, not again. So, what are you going to do about it? I've been cleaned out. My wallet, all my money, my wife's clothes, and and and my best suit. 000000. So, what will we do?
[00:08:43] Unknown:
Well, I say I I let me see. Wait. I I sit tight. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You I can come down to the desk. Don't panic. Don't who are you? What did he tell you? He he said don't panic. Who am I? Tell him. I can't know. What room is this?
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This is,
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Marge. What room is this? How do I know? Just tell her who we are.
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You better come right down to the desk, sir. Did you say that the thief took your wife's clothes? Was it no lady's face? Marge. He he wants to know if it was a lady's seat. Give me that phone. Uh-huh. Hello? Who is this? Oh, hello. We seem to have crossed wires. That was madam. Will you kindly get off the telephone? You're interrupting an emergency call. I was talking to a gentleman. I know you were my husband. Now who is this? Oh. The gentleman is your husband. Yes. Oh.
[00:09:31] Unknown:
Yes. Oh, you're married. Yes. Now you listen to me. I don't know how you run your own tail, but I am coming down this instant to the lobby. And we want action. We have been robbed.
[00:09:42] Unknown:
No, madam. No. Please, please don't don't don't do anything. I'll I'll come right up to your room and straighten out everything. Just tell me which room it is. The Honeymoon Suite. The Honeymoon Suite. Oh my goodness gracious. Hurry up the police flight assistant and be up there in no time. Don't go away
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now. Lady, come in. Who is it? It's the room clerk. Are you sure?
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I'm gonna be mighty careful about who I let in, Marge.
[00:10:14] Unknown:
Of course, I'm sure. Now put the door on the chain and open it and take a peek. Should I do that, Marge? Well, I don't see what's the difference, Harold. If Bonnie and Clyde and Butch Cassidy should walk in here now, there's nothing left to steal. Mhmm. Put the door on the chain. Hi. Quinta Hills. It looks like the man from the desk downstairs. What man? The one who couldn't find our reservation. Hello, missus Carter. My name is Ronald.
[00:10:42] Unknown:
I'm the desk clerk. Who's that with you? I'm Don Purvis. Celebrity Corner? Channel nine? We don't get Channel nine in Barrows Point. We, don't get any channel. Oh, open the door, Harold. We're wasting time. Oh, excuse me. I have to close the door to open it. Here. Well, come in. Come in. Oh, this is simply awful, mister Connor. I do apologize. Did you call the police? Well, I certainly did. This man just walked in here and robbed us blind. Our our good clothes, our whole watch, my watch, all our money. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Whatever must you think of our security. I don't know what to do. I I can't pay for this room. This suite. Can't pay for that. Hang on.
Well, don't you worry, mister Connor. I'll see to it that the hotel gives you this room for as long as you wanna stay. Now, Don. Let's not exaggerate. Ron, these folks have suffered mightily on their first visit to the big city. And I doubt very much if the folks watching Celebrity Corner online would be very happy about you kicking the towners out. King of the Marrows? Who ever says such a thing? I'll show you how we do things around here. Hello, Oscar. Oscar, you send up another bottle of champagne and a basket of fruit.
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Make that two baskets of fruit. Honeymoon sweet. Oh, and Oscar, put in some extra seedless grapes. Seedless? Great. Oh, Harold was gonna take me to the most expensive dinner in the city.
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Now we can't go off. Of course you can, honey. You just leave it to your Uncle Don. We have channel nine. We do the news right, believe you me. By the time we've covered this story, and we'll cover it in-depth. Harold and Marge, you will be the most celebrated couple ever to get the big city. Dinner anywhere you want. But who's gonna pick up the town? Oh, you just don't know, mister Connor, how generous this big town can be. Getting robbed is going to be the luckiest thing that ever happened to you. Well, how anybody got ahold of your names and came up here is a complete mystery to me. I really must talk to mister Sheraton about that. Now, Marge, Harold, before the police show up with all their questions and so forth, I want you both to tell me a little about yourselves. Now I can see by looking at you that you're celebrating your anniversary.
Am I right? Now which is it? The fifth or the tenth? I wonder if what's happening to Marge and Harold Connor happened to other honeymooners. It may have, but I hope not often. In this case, the plight of these unfortunate honeymooners so captured the imagination and compassion of the people of the big city that everyone wants to help. Their bad news produced lots of good Samaritans. I'll be back shortly with act two. The action is just beginning for the honeymooners from the state of Maine. The police came and wanted to know what did the robber look like. Marge said he was tall. Harold said he was short.
Marge said he was young. Harold said he was old. The police shook their heads and sadly went their misinformed way. That evening, those who tuned in to Celebrity Corner heard this. Good evening. Good evening. Good evening. This is Don Purvis, your purveyor of the perceptive, perfidious, perfumed, and performed. It's your old headline hunter Don Purvis, host of Celebrity Corner hangout of the famous and infamous. Tonight, our special guests are Marge and Harold Connor. Now, Marge, tell me, what are you doing in the big city?
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We're here on our honeymoon, Don. No kidding. And, Harold, where are you from?
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Barrows Point, Maine. Barrows Point, Maine. Think of that. All the way from Maine. And tell me, what made you pick big city for your honeymoon, Marge? We've always wanted to come here, Dawn. Yep. Folks up our way told us it's a great place to have fun. And it sure is. Marge, tell me, how have you been enjoying it so far?
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Well, I don't know, Don. This is our first night.
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We haven't seen much of big city yet. Well, how what plans do you have for you two honeymooners? We don't have anymore because, well, we don't have any money. You don't have any money? We don't have any clothes either. Just, what we've got on our back. No clothes?
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I can't talk about this anymore. I will echo home.
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Oh. Jumpin' glory, Oskie. Now you've made her close. Why? Just wait. Now Marge, tell me what's the matter. What's this? This man?
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He he he came into our hotel room this afternoon and stole everything. He was of my wedding ring. Oh, honey.
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It it made me take it off. I don't really want it to happen. Ladies and gentlemen, those of you watching Celebrity Corner, what you are seeing is the complete, unvarnished, total, true truth. These youngsters, these folks came here to the big city with love and big dreams, and they were robbed. Now are we who make this thriving our home going to let them return to Barrows Point, remembering that our town was the end of the line for them instead of the beginning of a wonderful life? Now our telephone number is 555-1242. Call that number with charity in your hearts and unselfishness in your soul. Let us show these two lovely people from our sister state that we're all brothers, that indeed this can be Samaritan City and not the sin City that it seems to them. This is Don Purvis, your host on Celebrity Corner, and bless you one and all and a good good night.
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Who is it? Don Purvis, kids. Open up. Don Purvis. Oh, let him in. Let him in, Hal.
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Hi, everybody. I thought I'd find out how the world was treating it today.
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Well, what is this? What did you do? Rob a department store?
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Don't see that even in funny. This place looks like a warehouse. Well, our folks have been sending us stuff since early this morning. Isn't it wonderful? We don't even know. Ah, but they do know you, Harold. And in another twenty four hours, everybody in town will know you. You know, I picked up five more stations on account of last night's broadcast. Before the end of the week, you'll be getting stuff from all over The United States. It's on every wire service, the story, your pictures. Maybe even at home? It'll be in a point time. No. It wouldn't be surprised. What's that, Helen? Oh, Fenwick spin fly fishing tackle. Fraud? Yeah.
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Wait till I get the trout with this one. And I got a whole box of tunic shirt things done look. One in black, one in white, is it green, one orange, pink, pink, blue. I'm this color. Well, I don't even know what it is. Oh, it's a lilac, I'd say. Oh. White lavender. Oh. And they're all my size.
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Read the card, Marge.
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Marge, Conner. A fastened shirt for every day in the week. Happy honeymoon.
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How do you like this, aunt? A sheepskin pistol case with a pistol in it. What? The card says the next guy who tries to get funny with you give him a shot of this. Hey. And what's this? A goldfish boat? It's five goldfish.
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Kinda funny looking. They all turn around and look at me when I get close. I don't know. I wouldn't put my finger in there if I were you. They look like piranhas to me. And someone sent us two tickets to a jail game tonight. What? Yes. Look at these, Dawn. What's a jail game?
[00:18:37] Unknown:
That's High Line. It's like handball played with baskets. It's real fast. You'll love it. Well and a concert tomorrow at the, Abraham Lincoln Center? And a free pass to the top of the big city sky rule and and and a free lunch?
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Where else? Oh, two tickets to a helicopter ride.
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And just wait till you see this, Don. I'll be right back. I I put it on the bed. Over there. Three matching suitcases. Real leather. I I, sell them. And, in the bedroom a whole slew of jackets and pants and then and shirts and ties. And you know what? Even pajamas. Well, what do you think? Turn around, honey. Hey. That is some fur code. Well, now kids, it's time for business. I've set it up with the channel nine camera crew and they're on their way. First, I think we'll reenact this whole scene. I come in, you show me the presents, and so on and so on. Then you're going to put us on television again, Don? Tonight, I wanna show the folks out in TV land the results of their generosity. I'll be better than I. I won't cry. That's probably them now.
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Hey, my name is Hey. There's not bread rods in the front desk with a whopping big dog at a leash.
[00:19:51] Unknown:
I bought up two more presents for you. What? Oh. You can him. You can stick this box when you're done before I drop it. I'm gonna drop it. I'm a zombie. Yeah. It's a dolphin pendant. It's a present from the National Funnel Club.
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Their card says that yeah. I hear you. For your protection, a man's best friend. I'll close the door so you can let him run around.
[00:20:12] Unknown:
Yes, Robbie. And that
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big box star I just put on the coffee table, that's for you folks too. A full set of china. Service for eight, I think. But let me see. Oh, goodness.
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We don't have to buy any. Oh. Don I tell you it's been some morning. It's just incredible. Is that sweet?
[00:20:33] Unknown:
The card says service for eight for a lifetime of good eating for the honeymoon couple and a big family. They expect us to have six kids? Well, there's a crowd of supporters down there and you wouldn't believe the lobby is a madhouse. Who's complaining? I'll tell you what, Ron. First, I want my crew here to get this for tonight's show. Then we'll let those newspaper scavengers come up with their scrunch. What is it, is it alright if I stay up here while while you're sleeping? Why not? But why? Well, I I'd like to make just a wee statement as to how this generous hotel management is permitting the Connors to remain in the honeymoon suite without charge for the rest of the week.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
Don't open. Slowly ask me the dog's busted over the hill. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Oh. Oh. The dog is eating up on the food. Good lord. He's into the seedless grape. It's alright, Marge. I've got him by the leash. To the pit. So Oh, I hang all this. You're lucky the dog didn't get into the piranhas. Oh, but this is broken.
[00:21:41] Unknown:
All that waste is food. Now now now, missus Connor. I'll take care of this right away. I I wonder what's keeping my crew. Oh, oh, hello, Oscar. This is Ron. Send another fruit basket to the honeymoon suite. Mostly seedless grapes. You heard me. I said grapes. Say, Bob. What's all this? Sir? All those flags everywhere. Oh. Do you notice it all the same? Yeah. Well, we do that when a dignitary visits the hotel. Yeah. That's our flag. State of Maine. Oh, you recognize it. Three dozen of them. 36. Yeah. All in honor of our guests. Yes. Your guests, Demarge and Harold Connor. Yeah.
Oh, lovely people. You know them? I'd like to see them. Well, I've I'm afraid that's not possible, sir. The Connors aren't in right now. Oh, no. Where are they? Well, let me see what time it is. It's 11:00. Well, in just half an hour, there is a little ceremony at the Mayor's Mansion. That key is the city, you know. Ceremony at the mayor's. Well well well. Oh, they are lovely, deserving people. After what they've been through. Well, I think I'll get myself over there. Mhmm. Well, just for the record, could I have your name, sir? Augustus. Chief Augustus of the Barris Point Police Force. Barris Point?
Well, that's where the Connors come from. They sure do. Well, then you must know them, chief. I sure do. Do you mind my seeing your badge? I mean you being in plain clothes. You know how people try to fool you. How's this?
[00:23:23] Unknown:
And when these guys emphasize that we in the big city pride ourselves on treating every visitor, every stranger as if he were a neighbor. That is what has made our big city big. CAPE stands for big heart and brotherhood and we are all brothers. The I for impetuousness and that we are. And the g for goodwill. So without further ado,
[00:23:52] Unknown:
on behalf of This is Dan Turbot again. You're watching the ceremony at the Mayor's Mansion on the occasion of making our honeymoon as welcome. A Margaret. Yes. Margaret. Missus Connor is wearing a lilac tunic and matching slacks. Hello, Connor. Mister Connor is wearing a brand new sheepskin jacket. To present you both with a And the key is now being handed over to her. Oh, mister Connor dropped the key, but he quickly picks it up. And there goes the sanitation department band playing hail to the mayor. Excuse me, Bob. Can I get by?
I don't know where you can get to. The police, according to off the whole area, nobody can get through until the guests of honor are back in the city limousine. Where are they going? Back to the hotel. They're going to plant a Maine pine tree in the park, but that's the two this afternoon. There goes the limousine now. There they go. What's that? What what's that badge you're flashing? I'm the chief of police at Batter's Point, and I have a warrant here for the rest of Huddl Cutter. You have what? Wait. Wait. Hold it a minute. They're they're cutting me in for closing announcement. And that's the way it is today, folks. This is Don Purvis at the Mayor's Mansion. I return you now to channel nine. Oh, back at the old hotel.
Good to put my tail down and my feet up. Imagine.
[00:25:18] Unknown:
The mayor himself. Oh, it's a pretty big thingy.
[00:25:23] Unknown:
Heavy.
[00:25:24] Unknown:
It's the most exciting thing, hell, that's ever happened to me. I bet the Brooks and Bells wouldn't just won't believe it. They'll be so envious, especially your brother.
[00:25:34] Unknown:
Maybe. Don't know why though. He's got a good job at home. Everyone respects him. Oh, he was always jealous of you even in school remember? I try not to. I hope they're not bringing us another dog. I'll go.
[00:25:51] Unknown:
Hello Don. Wasn't that exciting at the mayor's? Come on in. I'm Augustus.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
Augustus Connor. We were just talking about you. Howdy, Harold. This is a nice surprise, Augustus. Did you come all the way down here to see us? Harold, I just found out myself that the chief of police is is your own brother. Of all the coincidences, it's amazing.
[00:26:13] Unknown:
I've got that we would just as minute talking about you and no walk in. Yeah. Not isn't on a pleasant trip.
[00:26:19] Unknown:
Mister Purvis has just taken me to the local precinct so we can have you placed under arrest, Harold. Brought back to Barris Point.
[00:26:27] Unknown:
Arrest? I mean, what what for? Augustus.
[00:26:31] Unknown:
But this is some kind of a joke. I don't like it. It's no joke. It's for passing a bum check. That's the judge. Augustus, you must be crazy. Yeah. Your check, your signature, no money in the bank. When I left Barris Point, the bank said more were coming in.
[00:26:47] Unknown:
Don, can you do something?
[00:26:50] Unknown:
Missus Connor, don't ask me. I I feel like a fool. I should have guessed. Guess what? You don't believe me? How do I even know you were robbed? You could have come up here with empty suitcases and who would know? I should have listened to my sixth sense. Con. I thought you were a friend. Mister and missus Connor. Connor the con artist. Man oh, man, you sure conned the big city. Yes. Perhaps it would have been better if, like, Punch and Judy who went to town in that old nursery rhyme, Marge and Harold Connor had turned around and gone straight back to Maine. Can it be that Harold is wanted back home on bad trek charges?
Or is it all a mistake? True or false? One way or the other? We'll find out when I return shortly with act three. Since we started with an old nursery rhyme, appropriate we thought for this once upon a time mystery, let us remind you of another. Once there were two brothers. The story's true. The story's sad. The trouble was you couldn't tell which was good and which was bad. Let's find out. Well, our hotel has sure quieted down. And so is the whole town. Right? Don, you're the only one I can talk to about this. So I'm I'm glad you could join me after hours. Oh, that's your time. What a joke. But how would you know? How could you help it? You were as calm as the rest of us. Have another one on me. No. Thanks. You know I almost lost my job on account of those two.
So did I. Mister Sheridan finally calmed down and said he'd forget the whole thing if I pay for the flags and the seedless break. Well, I had to get on the air last night and apologize. What? You heard me. Oh, oh, oh, well, I'm sorry I didn't catch the showdown. What? But I had to personally go up and help the maids clean up the honeymoon suite. And personally, I had to take everything back to the people who gave it. But it's so embarrassing. I know. It just felt like such a fool. You can imagine what the mayor feels like. Newspapers came out and said he ought to be locked up with his own key to the city. Yeah. Tell me, do you really think the Connors weren't even robbed? Well, it wouldn't surprise me.
They couldn't even get together on a description of the thief. Was he fat, thin, tall, short, young, old? I mean, that alone should have wised me up. Well, it must have been hard for that cheap police not to come down here and arrest his old brother. You know what my assignment is now, They're taking me off Celebrity Corner until Harold Connor is convicted and the air is cleared. I I don't understand. I have to go up there to this Barrows Point all the way up to Maine and cover the trial of that one horse cook and that one horse tom myself. It's like adding insult to injury. Me, Don Purvis, like like some stringer for the network.
Boy, some come down. But when are you going up, Don? Well, the trial's Tuesday. I thought I'd get up there on Monday. That's when I have to go too. You? Mhmm. I'm supposed to contact a local lawyer and sue the Connors for the rent that they didn't pay here. I said to mister Sheraton, do we really have to? Nobody was booked into the honeymoon suite that week anyway. No, he said to me. It's a matter of principle wealth. So why don't we go up to Barrow's Point together? Why not? Don, are you sure this is where the car has lived? Until they told me, Ronald, where I rented the car. Yeah. I've been thinking. It isn't really right our, busting in to see them the day before the trial. Look. If Channel nine sees fit to bust me out of the catbird seat and put me in the hot seat, I'm going to do the job like any other television investigative reporter. Well, you know, that day they snapped on handcuffs who said some pretty harsh things to Harold.
You know, calling the conners con artist. Not harsh? Fourth rank. Well, anyway, Harold said somebody else must have taken his checkbook, that he never passed a bum check-in his life. Probably seen such such nice people. You'll pardon me, Ron, if I'm somewhat skeptical. Come on. We're wasting time. I can't. Why not? I haven't the face. I'm up here in Barrows Point to get a lawyer to sue them for the hotel room. I I I can't just drop in on them as if as if we were old friends. Alright? Then stay in the car. Alright.
If you put it that way. It's done. Pervy. Three d pie. It's done. That celebrity corner television man from big city. Oh, and, the room class from the hotel. I didn't see you standing behind Don. Come on in folks. Come right in.
[00:32:12] Unknown:
Little wife and I, we're really glad to see you.
[00:32:19] Unknown:
Now sit right there. That's our best sofa. Comfortable, isn't it? Oh, oh, yes. It's very well, actually, we're sorry to barge in on you like this. Well, actually, it's my fault. Ron came along with me and, well
[00:32:35] Unknown:
What is it, Don?
[00:32:38] Unknown:
Well, to tell you the truth, in spite of the millions of words that I've blabbed into a microphone, now that I sit here with you in your little house, I'm I just don't know exactly where to begin.
[00:32:51] Unknown:
Can we tell the males?
[00:32:52] Unknown:
Let me, sweet. Mister Purvis, I I suppose you were quite within your right to say to us things you did. Maybe I would have too if I didn't know me very well. No. You really can't blame John.
[00:33:05] Unknown:
Everything seemed a point to us. Well,
[00:33:08] Unknown:
speaking personally, I was always sure there was some explanation. I never really doubted your integrity. Is there some explanation, Harold? Well, I can only guess at the, explanation, what the lawyer calls the motivation. Well, what's the truth? Can you tell me that? And the truth is just when I said it was when we were hustled out a big city. I'm innocent. Now, Harold, you know what writing a bum check is, don't you? Of course we do. Everybody does.
[00:33:38] Unknown:
It's writing a check against funds you don't have. Honey,
[00:33:41] Unknown:
let me, what is true, Don, is I didn't have but a couple of dollars left in my account. I drew almost everything else for our honeymoon. And you didn't write checks against no funds? Nope. Not me. Well, who did? Well, I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you. Well, someone else took checks of yours and then Not checks, Don.
[00:34:04] Unknown:
Just one.
[00:34:05] Unknown:
You mean forged your signature and got the money? Not exactly like that, but pretty much. Will you approve of this? My lawyer does. And he says you're in the clear? Absolutely. This proof is good enough to stand up in court tomorrow? There isn't going to be any trial tomorrow. Oh, do you hear that, darling? I am so glad to hear that. You have no idea. No trial? Well, is that all you can say? Yep. You mean that's all you will say? Yep. Alright then. We'll just have to find out for ourselves. Yep. Guess you'll have to. Would anyone like a cup of coffee? Well, now I don't think I'd mind.
I'd like one. No. Thanks. We're leaving. Thank you both. And, all I can say is this is all very mysterious and peculiar. Don Pervis, I don't understand you at all. Why were you so short with the corners? Why get so hot under the collar and duck out all of a sudden? They're in the clear. They're innocent. Yeah. So they say. You don't believe them? Well, I need corroboration. But you act like you wish they were guilty. Look. If they're innocent and the whole thing is some mistake by the chief of police of this dear place, then we've had egg pushed into our faces two times in a row. Besides that, if I don't come up with one heck of a story, it may be my last story.
And I kid you not, Ron. Remember, I was the one who put the counters on page one in the first place. Yes. But but what would be the point in just saying what they said? If I knew that, I wouldn't be rushing back to the courthouse before it closes for the day. Oh, is that where we're going? That's where we were going. Oh, sounds like we've had a blow up.
[00:35:48] Unknown:
If you get over the curb.
[00:35:53] Unknown:
Alright. I'm gonna go take a look. Rotting luck. Front left tire, flat as a pancake. Look, I'll stay with this lame buggy since I took it out in a company named Ron. Mhmm. You get yourself over to car hire where I pick this up and tell him to come get me him. Well, why don't you just jack it up and change the tire? As there is no spare. This was the only car I could rent, so I took it. Now beat it. And look, don't come back here, Ron. The courthouse closes at three. Go see the judge and see what you can find out. And if there is no trial tomorrow, find out the reason why.
Why would he tell me? Because you asked him to. Now beat it.
[00:36:47] Unknown:
That will be $1.15, please. Did you say a dollar 15? That's what I said. A dollar 15¢,
[00:36:54] Unknown:
please. Suck. Operator, I only have quarters on me. I'm sorry. I'm unable to give you any change. But if I put 5 quarters in, the telephone company will owe me a dime. What can I do about it? Well, how about you're turning me the dime I put in to get you in the first place and then I'll owe you a dollar and a quarter? The charge is $1.15.
[00:37:13] Unknown:
They're not a dollar and a quarter. We could mail you the difference. But think of the postage you'll save if you do it my way. Do you wish to complete this long distance call or don't you, sir?
[00:37:23] Unknown:
Oh, don't you understand
[00:37:24] Unknown:
what I'm saying? Yes or no, sir?
[00:37:28] Unknown:
Oh, forget it. If you wish to cancel the call, you'll have to hang up, sir. No. No. No. No. No. I don't mean that. Don't here's your money.
[00:37:44] Unknown:
Do you wish me to connect you with a refund operator, sir?
[00:37:47] Unknown:
Oh, no. I don't. Just leave me alone.
[00:37:53] Unknown:
Hello. Hello, mister Sheraton. Ronald Davis here calling from Barrows Point, Maine. I am sorry to call you on your private line, sir, but this is an emergency. No. No. I didn't get that local lawyer to sue the Conners because they are innocent. Yes. I just had a heart to heart with the judge. It seems somebody passed one of Conner's checks with a, scribbled signature on it, and it it went through because of the magnetic numbers on the bottom of the check. You know, there wasn't enough money in the account to cover because they've drawn it all out for their honeymoon. Well, maybe it was a prankster joke and maybe not. Nobody here seems to know.
Well, then yeah. Well, then the chief of police jumped the gun and swore out an arrest warrant. Well, anyway, the bank is not prosecuting. It was their mistake. Now I'm coming to, our mistake, mister Sheraton, and I think we'll be making one a big one if you don't get into the action before this news gets out. I mean, people think we thought they were conning us for the hotel room. Well, what I'm seeing right now is we ought to invite them back to the hotel and throw them a big party or we're going to look mighty silly. This is Don Purvis speaking to you from the courthouse steps in Barrels Point, Maine. Now let me begin by admitting to you that my face is plenty red, and there are many of us who should be just as embarrassed when they learn the truth.
Today, Tuesday the third, should have been the trial of Harold Connor on charges of passing a bad check. Now all along, mister Connor has protested his innocence, And I'm sure all those down in big city who opened their hearts and their pocketbooks to the Conners will be glad to hear they are completely exonerated. Harold and his sweet trusting wife, Marge, are here with me and have consented to answer a few questions. Now, Marge, I'm gonna start with you first, if I may. Tell me. How does it feel to have your husband vindicated? Fine. It feels just fine. Now, Harold, let me ask you. Has the person or persons who presented a check of yours been caught? No.
Where is it? Nobody knows. But the the the teller at the bank knows that it wasn't you? Yep. Do they know who it was? Yep. The, bank teller remembered. Well, then why hasn't that person been arrested? Because, there's no one in Barrows Point who can make an arrest. But where's your brother Augustus? He's the one who left town. I see. But why would he do that? I mean, why would anyone wanna get you into trouble? Oh, because maybe they were jealous,
[00:40:32] Unknown:
you know, reading about us in the newspapers, being on TV,
[00:40:35] Unknown:
getting all those free presents and the free good time. Well, I'm not going to embarrass you two by asking you to identify who was suspected because I think it's pretty much common knowledge around these parts. And it's possible this beautiful Maine town will be getting themselves another chief of police. Oh, they are killed already, but he turned it down. Yep. Lumber is my line. Mister and missus Connor, on behalf of all those watching this interview, may I ask you to please come back to Big City so that we can show you how much we really love you and admire you? Well
[00:41:10] Unknown:
well well, I I must say
[00:41:13] Unknown:
Mister Burris, it's, it's been a real pleasure meeting up with all those fine folk in your hometown, but I think one visit was enough. Right, Popsie?
[00:41:27] Unknown:
Right, Popsie.
[00:41:44] Unknown:
To end where we began, let me quote for you the last verse of our ancient nursery rhyme. Punch and Judy settled down for that it it way. They had their fill of highwaymen and never strayed away. Now that may be alright for an old fashioned nursery rhyme, but for today, is it a good idea never to leave home because you might run into some bad luck? Perhaps I can come up with an answer when I get back to you, which I intend to do shortly. There is an old saw that tells us the grass is always greener elsewhere and to beware. True, the lights of any big city are fascinating to most folks, but we're not saying don't visit new places.
We're saying that real warm and friendly folk are everywhere. So no matter what happens or could, isn't it worth it to see what's going on on the other side of the mountain? Well, who knows what treasure you might find there? What new experience just waiting to be discovered? Our cast included Russell Horton, Marian Haley, Earl Hammond, and Mandel Kramer. The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now a preview of our next tale. Those people will kill me, Rudy. But they shall do no such thing. How can you say that? Because I shall go to the district attorney.
They'll kill you too? Well, I shan't permit any hoodlums to push my brother around. But But the money means nothing to you. In the immortal words of Charles Goodlow Harbor, millions for defense, but not 1¢ for tribute. And then I saw it. My brother had just suggested how I could pay off the boss and have a fortune for myself besides. Of course, someone would have to die. But as long as that someone wouldn't be me, what difference would it make in the cosmic scheme of things? Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by True Value Hardware stores. This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre.
Until next time. Pleasant dream.
Bettering your business takes working with the best. With the James Hardie Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking, and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardie Alliance today.
[00:00:15] Unknown:
You coming to bed, hon? Yep. Honey, I'll be I'll be right there. Just gotta turn out the light.
[00:00:27] Unknown:
Some things never change. Like your kids always leaving tiny toys on the floor for you to step on, and GEICO saving folks lots of money on their car insurance.
[00:00:38] Unknown:
Sweetie, I think I left the downstairs light on. Please don't make me go. Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more.
[00:00:46] Unknown:
CBS Radio Mystery Theater presents Come in. Welcome. I'm EG Marshall. Do you remember the old nursery rhyme? Punch and Judy went to town
[00:01:16] Unknown:
to see what they could see.
[00:01:18] Unknown:
A highwayman took all their clothes and hung them on a tree. They asked a farmer what to do. He said, do not complain. Punch and Judy turned around and went back home again. That was written three hundred years ago. The story we're about to tell you happened yesterday.
[00:01:41] Unknown:
Our honeymoon ruined. My husband was gonna take me to the most expensive dinner in the city tonight.
[00:01:48] Unknown:
Now I can't go. Of course, you can, missus Connor. You just leave it to what folks in television is. By the time we tell your story to the TV audience, you and your husband will be the most celebrated couple to hit the big city. But we have no money. Mister Connor getting robbed and your honeymoon is going to be the luckiest thing that ever happened to you. Our mystery drama, Big City Blues, was written especially for the mystery Theater by g Frederick Lewis and stars Russell Horton and Marian Haley. It is sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Signoff, the sign of medicines.
I'll be back shortly with act one. It made all the headlines. It could have been written by O'Henry, said the newsmen. Interestingly enough, neither Harold nor his wife, Marge Connor, minded at all if we used their real name. It was the Big City where it happened. They objected, probably because it was sort of embarrassing the way it turned out. So when the mayor asked us not to say where this happened, we agreed and said, okay. We'll call it Big City. It began the day Marge and Harold checked into the Big Glass Hotel in Big City. You had a reservation.
What did you say your name was? Mister. Harold Connor. Mister and missus for how long was that? Oh, I don't know.
[00:03:35] Unknown:
A week, we hope. Please have a money rent to house. Until the month
[00:03:40] Unknown:
Connor. No. I don't seem to find a name. Is that Connor with a k or a c? With an h. H, Connor, has a last name. The last name. That's a mess. Connor with a c. You don't have it? I I made the reservation a month ago. You did, Harold. You didn't tell me. Didn't I? Oh, sure I did. But how could you be so sure I'd say yes? Oh, I knew. Well, I'm sorry. I thought you knew. We'd waited for three years, baby face. Neither of us were getting any younger. Oh. I knew you'd have to give in and marry me sometime.
[00:04:15] Unknown:
Oh. You man. You're so
[00:04:18] Unknown:
sure of yourself. Well, I am sorry, sir, but we just don't seem to have any record. Jump in glory. Oscar, you've got to. I'll come all this way. I telephone directly from Barrows Point. You call from Barrows Point? Barrows Point, Maine. What did you send a deposit? What's that? I see. Well, I'm sorry, but we have got no room. We are full of Oh my.
[00:04:43] Unknown:
Oh, what a way to begin a honeymoon.
[00:04:46] Unknown:
Did did you say honeymoon? Uh-huh. Well, that puts an entirely different complexion on the matter. There's a honeymoon file. Oh, yes. Here we are. Here we are at the honeymoon suite, mister and missus Harold Connor. Well, happy honeymoon, folks. You'll find a bottle of champagne and a basket of fruit in your suite. Compliments of the management. Now just sign the register here mister Connor.
[00:05:12] Unknown:
Run. Oh, hell. Just look at the view of the city from this window. Why? It's spectacular.
[00:05:25] Unknown:
You shouldn't have said that about we are staying here until our money runs out, love you. What are they gonna think?
[00:05:31] Unknown:
Well, how much money do we have for a honeymoon? Have enough. I don't want my little bride to worry yourself about that. Oh, hello. You've got to stop talking to me as if I were teenage bride. Lovely baby face. I'm 28. So what? I'm 34. We're mature people. We don't talk like that. Even on a honeymoon.
[00:05:54] Unknown:
I don't see what age has to do with it. My parents married at 40. Honeyburn.
[00:05:59] Unknown:
Oh, hell. I don't see your dad calling this 40 year old bride your mother, Honeyburn. Now let me think. What did I wear tonight? Oh, our first big night on the town. Where are we going, hell? To the most
[00:06:15] Unknown:
expensive restaurant the taxi driver will take us to. My taxi? A taxi driver? Oh, sure. Oh. That's what everybody does in big city.
[00:06:26] Unknown:
Yes. Who is it? Telegram. Telegram for that? Who knows where he is? Uh-uh. Just a minute.
[00:06:33] Unknown:
Well I, did tell a couple of the fellas at the lumber yard. You were told a couple of Oh and my brother too of course. Boy was he envious.
[00:06:43] Unknown:
Where'd you go on your honeymoon Harold? It's supposed to be a secret. Telegram. I got a telegram, please. I don't think we ought to open the door. Know what they say? It could be anybody.
[00:06:57] Unknown:
Slip it under the door, will you? You have to sign for it. Mister and missus Harold Connor. It's alright. You know their name. Mr. Cutter? That's me. Can you sign here, please? Thanks. Oh, you don't happen to have a pencil on you, do you? No. I don't, Mr. Cutter. But I have this. Can we go quietly back into your room, mister and missus Connor, and shut the door? Yeah. Watch where you're pointing, Matt. What what is this? And she gets you're being robbed.
[00:07:35] Unknown:
We just got this love. Nothing. This is everything. Operator.
[00:07:42] Unknown:
Operator.
[00:07:44] Unknown:
I'm not getting anything out of this phone. Oh, you didn't leave us a single thing around my wedding ring. My engagement ring. My earrings.
[00:07:52] Unknown:
You with this phone. I said got it all marked off with names. I dialed room service. I dialed bell captain. Nothing.
[00:08:00] Unknown:
Hello? Hello? Cool. You were you dug everything in sadness and worked out of here like you were the two. Oh, fans.
[00:08:08] Unknown:
There's only two more things left to dial. Barba Sharp and Beauty Parlour. May I help you? We've just been robbed. What did you say? I I I said we've just been robbed. That's what I said. Oh, my oh, my oh, my oh. My oh. This this man walked in, said there was a telegram, and he had a gun. Telegram? Oh, not again. So, what are you going to do about it? I've been cleaned out. My wallet, all my money, my wife's clothes, and and and my best suit. 000000. So, what will we do?
[00:08:43] Unknown:
Well, I say I I let me see. Wait. I I sit tight. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You I can come down to the desk. Don't panic. Don't who are you? What did he tell you? He he said don't panic. Who am I? Tell him. I can't know. What room is this?
[00:08:58] Unknown:
This is,
[00:09:00] Unknown:
Marge. What room is this? How do I know? Just tell her who we are.
[00:09:04] Unknown:
You better come right down to the desk, sir. Did you say that the thief took your wife's clothes? Was it no lady's face? Marge. He he wants to know if it was a lady's seat. Give me that phone. Uh-huh. Hello? Who is this? Oh, hello. We seem to have crossed wires. That was madam. Will you kindly get off the telephone? You're interrupting an emergency call. I was talking to a gentleman. I know you were my husband. Now who is this? Oh. The gentleman is your husband. Yes. Oh.
[00:09:31] Unknown:
Yes. Oh, you're married. Yes. Now you listen to me. I don't know how you run your own tail, but I am coming down this instant to the lobby. And we want action. We have been robbed.
[00:09:42] Unknown:
No, madam. No. Please, please don't don't don't do anything. I'll I'll come right up to your room and straighten out everything. Just tell me which room it is. The Honeymoon Suite. The Honeymoon Suite. Oh my goodness gracious. Hurry up the police flight assistant and be up there in no time. Don't go away
[00:10:04] Unknown:
now. Lady, come in. Who is it? It's the room clerk. Are you sure?
[00:10:10] Unknown:
I'm gonna be mighty careful about who I let in, Marge.
[00:10:14] Unknown:
Of course, I'm sure. Now put the door on the chain and open it and take a peek. Should I do that, Marge? Well, I don't see what's the difference, Harold. If Bonnie and Clyde and Butch Cassidy should walk in here now, there's nothing left to steal. Mhmm. Put the door on the chain. Hi. Quinta Hills. It looks like the man from the desk downstairs. What man? The one who couldn't find our reservation. Hello, missus Carter. My name is Ronald.
[00:10:42] Unknown:
I'm the desk clerk. Who's that with you? I'm Don Purvis. Celebrity Corner? Channel nine? We don't get Channel nine in Barrows Point. We, don't get any channel. Oh, open the door, Harold. We're wasting time. Oh, excuse me. I have to close the door to open it. Here. Well, come in. Come in. Oh, this is simply awful, mister Connor. I do apologize. Did you call the police? Well, I certainly did. This man just walked in here and robbed us blind. Our our good clothes, our whole watch, my watch, all our money. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Whatever must you think of our security. I don't know what to do. I I can't pay for this room. This suite. Can't pay for that. Hang on.
Well, don't you worry, mister Connor. I'll see to it that the hotel gives you this room for as long as you wanna stay. Now, Don. Let's not exaggerate. Ron, these folks have suffered mightily on their first visit to the big city. And I doubt very much if the folks watching Celebrity Corner online would be very happy about you kicking the towners out. King of the Marrows? Who ever says such a thing? I'll show you how we do things around here. Hello, Oscar. Oscar, you send up another bottle of champagne and a basket of fruit.
[00:11:59] Unknown:
Make that two baskets of fruit. Honeymoon sweet. Oh, and Oscar, put in some extra seedless grapes. Seedless? Great. Oh, Harold was gonna take me to the most expensive dinner in the city.
[00:12:14] Unknown:
Now we can't go off. Of course you can, honey. You just leave it to your Uncle Don. We have channel nine. We do the news right, believe you me. By the time we've covered this story, and we'll cover it in-depth. Harold and Marge, you will be the most celebrated couple ever to get the big city. Dinner anywhere you want. But who's gonna pick up the town? Oh, you just don't know, mister Connor, how generous this big town can be. Getting robbed is going to be the luckiest thing that ever happened to you. Well, how anybody got ahold of your names and came up here is a complete mystery to me. I really must talk to mister Sheraton about that. Now, Marge, Harold, before the police show up with all their questions and so forth, I want you both to tell me a little about yourselves. Now I can see by looking at you that you're celebrating your anniversary.
Am I right? Now which is it? The fifth or the tenth? I wonder if what's happening to Marge and Harold Connor happened to other honeymooners. It may have, but I hope not often. In this case, the plight of these unfortunate honeymooners so captured the imagination and compassion of the people of the big city that everyone wants to help. Their bad news produced lots of good Samaritans. I'll be back shortly with act two. The action is just beginning for the honeymooners from the state of Maine. The police came and wanted to know what did the robber look like. Marge said he was tall. Harold said he was short.
Marge said he was young. Harold said he was old. The police shook their heads and sadly went their misinformed way. That evening, those who tuned in to Celebrity Corner heard this. Good evening. Good evening. Good evening. This is Don Purvis, your purveyor of the perceptive, perfidious, perfumed, and performed. It's your old headline hunter Don Purvis, host of Celebrity Corner hangout of the famous and infamous. Tonight, our special guests are Marge and Harold Connor. Now, Marge, tell me, what are you doing in the big city?
[00:14:33] Unknown:
We're here on our honeymoon, Don. No kidding. And, Harold, where are you from?
[00:14:38] Unknown:
Barrows Point, Maine. Barrows Point, Maine. Think of that. All the way from Maine. And tell me, what made you pick big city for your honeymoon, Marge? We've always wanted to come here, Dawn. Yep. Folks up our way told us it's a great place to have fun. And it sure is. Marge, tell me, how have you been enjoying it so far?
[00:15:01] Unknown:
Well, I don't know, Don. This is our first night.
[00:15:04] Unknown:
We haven't seen much of big city yet. Well, how what plans do you have for you two honeymooners? We don't have anymore because, well, we don't have any money. You don't have any money? We don't have any clothes either. Just, what we've got on our back. No clothes?
[00:15:22] Unknown:
I can't talk about this anymore. I will echo home.
[00:15:29] Unknown:
Oh. Jumpin' glory, Oskie. Now you've made her close. Why? Just wait. Now Marge, tell me what's the matter. What's this? This man?
[00:15:38] Unknown:
He he he came into our hotel room this afternoon and stole everything. He was of my wedding ring. Oh, honey.
[00:15:46] Unknown:
It it made me take it off. I don't really want it to happen. Ladies and gentlemen, those of you watching Celebrity Corner, what you are seeing is the complete, unvarnished, total, true truth. These youngsters, these folks came here to the big city with love and big dreams, and they were robbed. Now are we who make this thriving our home going to let them return to Barrows Point, remembering that our town was the end of the line for them instead of the beginning of a wonderful life? Now our telephone number is 555-1242. Call that number with charity in your hearts and unselfishness in your soul. Let us show these two lovely people from our sister state that we're all brothers, that indeed this can be Samaritan City and not the sin City that it seems to them. This is Don Purvis, your host on Celebrity Corner, and bless you one and all and a good good night.
[00:16:43] Unknown:
Who is it? Don Purvis, kids. Open up. Don Purvis. Oh, let him in. Let him in, Hal.
[00:16:50] Unknown:
Hi, everybody. I thought I'd find out how the world was treating it today.
[00:16:53] Unknown:
Well, what is this? What did you do? Rob a department store?
[00:16:58] Unknown:
Don't see that even in funny. This place looks like a warehouse. Well, our folks have been sending us stuff since early this morning. Isn't it wonderful? We don't even know. Ah, but they do know you, Harold. And in another twenty four hours, everybody in town will know you. You know, I picked up five more stations on account of last night's broadcast. Before the end of the week, you'll be getting stuff from all over The United States. It's on every wire service, the story, your pictures. Maybe even at home? It'll be in a point time. No. It wouldn't be surprised. What's that, Helen? Oh, Fenwick spin fly fishing tackle. Fraud? Yeah.
[00:17:36] Unknown:
Wait till I get the trout with this one. And I got a whole box of tunic shirt things done look. One in black, one in white, is it green, one orange, pink, pink, blue. I'm this color. Well, I don't even know what it is. Oh, it's a lilac, I'd say. Oh. White lavender. Oh. And they're all my size.
[00:17:54] Unknown:
Read the card, Marge.
[00:17:56] Unknown:
Marge, Conner. A fastened shirt for every day in the week. Happy honeymoon.
[00:18:03] Unknown:
How do you like this, aunt? A sheepskin pistol case with a pistol in it. What? The card says the next guy who tries to get funny with you give him a shot of this. Hey. And what's this? A goldfish boat? It's five goldfish.
[00:18:21] Unknown:
Kinda funny looking. They all turn around and look at me when I get close. I don't know. I wouldn't put my finger in there if I were you. They look like piranhas to me. And someone sent us two tickets to a jail game tonight. What? Yes. Look at these, Dawn. What's a jail game?
[00:18:37] Unknown:
That's High Line. It's like handball played with baskets. It's real fast. You'll love it. Well and a concert tomorrow at the, Abraham Lincoln Center? And a free pass to the top of the big city sky rule and and and a free lunch?
[00:18:52] Unknown:
Where else? Oh, two tickets to a helicopter ride.
[00:18:56] Unknown:
And just wait till you see this, Don. I'll be right back. I I put it on the bed. Over there. Three matching suitcases. Real leather. I I, sell them. And, in the bedroom a whole slew of jackets and pants and then and shirts and ties. And you know what? Even pajamas. Well, what do you think? Turn around, honey. Hey. That is some fur code. Well, now kids, it's time for business. I've set it up with the channel nine camera crew and they're on their way. First, I think we'll reenact this whole scene. I come in, you show me the presents, and so on and so on. Then you're going to put us on television again, Don? Tonight, I wanna show the folks out in TV land the results of their generosity. I'll be better than I. I won't cry. That's probably them now.
[00:19:45] Unknown:
Hey, my name is Hey. There's not bread rods in the front desk with a whopping big dog at a leash.
[00:19:51] Unknown:
I bought up two more presents for you. What? Oh. You can him. You can stick this box when you're done before I drop it. I'm gonna drop it. I'm a zombie. Yeah. It's a dolphin pendant. It's a present from the National Funnel Club.
[00:20:04] Unknown:
Their card says that yeah. I hear you. For your protection, a man's best friend. I'll close the door so you can let him run around.
[00:20:12] Unknown:
Yes, Robbie. And that
[00:20:16] Unknown:
big box star I just put on the coffee table, that's for you folks too. A full set of china. Service for eight, I think. But let me see. Oh, goodness.
[00:20:26] Unknown:
We don't have to buy any. Oh. Don I tell you it's been some morning. It's just incredible. Is that sweet?
[00:20:33] Unknown:
The card says service for eight for a lifetime of good eating for the honeymoon couple and a big family. They expect us to have six kids? Well, there's a crowd of supporters down there and you wouldn't believe the lobby is a madhouse. Who's complaining? I'll tell you what, Ron. First, I want my crew here to get this for tonight's show. Then we'll let those newspaper scavengers come up with their scrunch. What is it, is it alright if I stay up here while while you're sleeping? Why not? But why? Well, I I'd like to make just a wee statement as to how this generous hotel management is permitting the Connors to remain in the honeymoon suite without charge for the rest of the week.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
Don't open. Slowly ask me the dog's busted over the hill. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Stop that. Oh. Oh. The dog is eating up on the food. Good lord. He's into the seedless grape. It's alright, Marge. I've got him by the leash. To the pit. So Oh, I hang all this. You're lucky the dog didn't get into the piranhas. Oh, but this is broken.
[00:21:41] Unknown:
All that waste is food. Now now now, missus Connor. I'll take care of this right away. I I wonder what's keeping my crew. Oh, oh, hello, Oscar. This is Ron. Send another fruit basket to the honeymoon suite. Mostly seedless grapes. You heard me. I said grapes. Say, Bob. What's all this? Sir? All those flags everywhere. Oh. Do you notice it all the same? Yeah. Well, we do that when a dignitary visits the hotel. Yeah. That's our flag. State of Maine. Oh, you recognize it. Three dozen of them. 36. Yeah. All in honor of our guests. Yes. Your guests, Demarge and Harold Connor. Yeah.
Oh, lovely people. You know them? I'd like to see them. Well, I've I'm afraid that's not possible, sir. The Connors aren't in right now. Oh, no. Where are they? Well, let me see what time it is. It's 11:00. Well, in just half an hour, there is a little ceremony at the Mayor's Mansion. That key is the city, you know. Ceremony at the mayor's. Well well well. Oh, they are lovely, deserving people. After what they've been through. Well, I think I'll get myself over there. Mhmm. Well, just for the record, could I have your name, sir? Augustus. Chief Augustus of the Barris Point Police Force. Barris Point?
Well, that's where the Connors come from. They sure do. Well, then you must know them, chief. I sure do. Do you mind my seeing your badge? I mean you being in plain clothes. You know how people try to fool you. How's this?
[00:23:23] Unknown:
And when these guys emphasize that we in the big city pride ourselves on treating every visitor, every stranger as if he were a neighbor. That is what has made our big city big. CAPE stands for big heart and brotherhood and we are all brothers. The I for impetuousness and that we are. And the g for goodwill. So without further ado,
[00:23:52] Unknown:
on behalf of This is Dan Turbot again. You're watching the ceremony at the Mayor's Mansion on the occasion of making our honeymoon as welcome. A Margaret. Yes. Margaret. Missus Connor is wearing a lilac tunic and matching slacks. Hello, Connor. Mister Connor is wearing a brand new sheepskin jacket. To present you both with a And the key is now being handed over to her. Oh, mister Connor dropped the key, but he quickly picks it up. And there goes the sanitation department band playing hail to the mayor. Excuse me, Bob. Can I get by?
I don't know where you can get to. The police, according to off the whole area, nobody can get through until the guests of honor are back in the city limousine. Where are they going? Back to the hotel. They're going to plant a Maine pine tree in the park, but that's the two this afternoon. There goes the limousine now. There they go. What's that? What what's that badge you're flashing? I'm the chief of police at Batter's Point, and I have a warrant here for the rest of Huddl Cutter. You have what? Wait. Wait. Hold it a minute. They're they're cutting me in for closing announcement. And that's the way it is today, folks. This is Don Purvis at the Mayor's Mansion. I return you now to channel nine. Oh, back at the old hotel.
Good to put my tail down and my feet up. Imagine.
[00:25:18] Unknown:
The mayor himself. Oh, it's a pretty big thingy.
[00:25:23] Unknown:
Heavy.
[00:25:24] Unknown:
It's the most exciting thing, hell, that's ever happened to me. I bet the Brooks and Bells wouldn't just won't believe it. They'll be so envious, especially your brother.
[00:25:34] Unknown:
Maybe. Don't know why though. He's got a good job at home. Everyone respects him. Oh, he was always jealous of you even in school remember? I try not to. I hope they're not bringing us another dog. I'll go.
[00:25:51] Unknown:
Hello Don. Wasn't that exciting at the mayor's? Come on in. I'm Augustus.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
Augustus Connor. We were just talking about you. Howdy, Harold. This is a nice surprise, Augustus. Did you come all the way down here to see us? Harold, I just found out myself that the chief of police is is your own brother. Of all the coincidences, it's amazing.
[00:26:13] Unknown:
I've got that we would just as minute talking about you and no walk in. Yeah. Not isn't on a pleasant trip.
[00:26:19] Unknown:
Mister Purvis has just taken me to the local precinct so we can have you placed under arrest, Harold. Brought back to Barris Point.
[00:26:27] Unknown:
Arrest? I mean, what what for? Augustus.
[00:26:31] Unknown:
But this is some kind of a joke. I don't like it. It's no joke. It's for passing a bum check. That's the judge. Augustus, you must be crazy. Yeah. Your check, your signature, no money in the bank. When I left Barris Point, the bank said more were coming in.
[00:26:47] Unknown:
Don, can you do something?
[00:26:50] Unknown:
Missus Connor, don't ask me. I I feel like a fool. I should have guessed. Guess what? You don't believe me? How do I even know you were robbed? You could have come up here with empty suitcases and who would know? I should have listened to my sixth sense. Con. I thought you were a friend. Mister and missus Connor. Connor the con artist. Man oh, man, you sure conned the big city. Yes. Perhaps it would have been better if, like, Punch and Judy who went to town in that old nursery rhyme, Marge and Harold Connor had turned around and gone straight back to Maine. Can it be that Harold is wanted back home on bad trek charges?
Or is it all a mistake? True or false? One way or the other? We'll find out when I return shortly with act three. Since we started with an old nursery rhyme, appropriate we thought for this once upon a time mystery, let us remind you of another. Once there were two brothers. The story's true. The story's sad. The trouble was you couldn't tell which was good and which was bad. Let's find out. Well, our hotel has sure quieted down. And so is the whole town. Right? Don, you're the only one I can talk to about this. So I'm I'm glad you could join me after hours. Oh, that's your time. What a joke. But how would you know? How could you help it? You were as calm as the rest of us. Have another one on me. No. Thanks. You know I almost lost my job on account of those two.
So did I. Mister Sheridan finally calmed down and said he'd forget the whole thing if I pay for the flags and the seedless break. Well, I had to get on the air last night and apologize. What? You heard me. Oh, oh, oh, well, I'm sorry I didn't catch the showdown. What? But I had to personally go up and help the maids clean up the honeymoon suite. And personally, I had to take everything back to the people who gave it. But it's so embarrassing. I know. It just felt like such a fool. You can imagine what the mayor feels like. Newspapers came out and said he ought to be locked up with his own key to the city. Yeah. Tell me, do you really think the Connors weren't even robbed? Well, it wouldn't surprise me.
They couldn't even get together on a description of the thief. Was he fat, thin, tall, short, young, old? I mean, that alone should have wised me up. Well, it must have been hard for that cheap police not to come down here and arrest his old brother. You know what my assignment is now, They're taking me off Celebrity Corner until Harold Connor is convicted and the air is cleared. I I don't understand. I have to go up there to this Barrows Point all the way up to Maine and cover the trial of that one horse cook and that one horse tom myself. It's like adding insult to injury. Me, Don Purvis, like like some stringer for the network.
Boy, some come down. But when are you going up, Don? Well, the trial's Tuesday. I thought I'd get up there on Monday. That's when I have to go too. You? Mhmm. I'm supposed to contact a local lawyer and sue the Connors for the rent that they didn't pay here. I said to mister Sheraton, do we really have to? Nobody was booked into the honeymoon suite that week anyway. No, he said to me. It's a matter of principle wealth. So why don't we go up to Barrow's Point together? Why not? Don, are you sure this is where the car has lived? Until they told me, Ronald, where I rented the car. Yeah. I've been thinking. It isn't really right our, busting in to see them the day before the trial. Look. If Channel nine sees fit to bust me out of the catbird seat and put me in the hot seat, I'm going to do the job like any other television investigative reporter. Well, you know, that day they snapped on handcuffs who said some pretty harsh things to Harold.
You know, calling the conners con artist. Not harsh? Fourth rank. Well, anyway, Harold said somebody else must have taken his checkbook, that he never passed a bum check-in his life. Probably seen such such nice people. You'll pardon me, Ron, if I'm somewhat skeptical. Come on. We're wasting time. I can't. Why not? I haven't the face. I'm up here in Barrows Point to get a lawyer to sue them for the hotel room. I I I can't just drop in on them as if as if we were old friends. Alright? Then stay in the car. Alright.
If you put it that way. It's done. Pervy. Three d pie. It's done. That celebrity corner television man from big city. Oh, and, the room class from the hotel. I didn't see you standing behind Don. Come on in folks. Come right in.
[00:32:12] Unknown:
Little wife and I, we're really glad to see you.
[00:32:19] Unknown:
Now sit right there. That's our best sofa. Comfortable, isn't it? Oh, oh, yes. It's very well, actually, we're sorry to barge in on you like this. Well, actually, it's my fault. Ron came along with me and, well
[00:32:35] Unknown:
What is it, Don?
[00:32:38] Unknown:
Well, to tell you the truth, in spite of the millions of words that I've blabbed into a microphone, now that I sit here with you in your little house, I'm I just don't know exactly where to begin.
[00:32:51] Unknown:
Can we tell the males?
[00:32:52] Unknown:
Let me, sweet. Mister Purvis, I I suppose you were quite within your right to say to us things you did. Maybe I would have too if I didn't know me very well. No. You really can't blame John.
[00:33:05] Unknown:
Everything seemed a point to us. Well,
[00:33:08] Unknown:
speaking personally, I was always sure there was some explanation. I never really doubted your integrity. Is there some explanation, Harold? Well, I can only guess at the, explanation, what the lawyer calls the motivation. Well, what's the truth? Can you tell me that? And the truth is just when I said it was when we were hustled out a big city. I'm innocent. Now, Harold, you know what writing a bum check is, don't you? Of course we do. Everybody does.
[00:33:38] Unknown:
It's writing a check against funds you don't have. Honey,
[00:33:41] Unknown:
let me, what is true, Don, is I didn't have but a couple of dollars left in my account. I drew almost everything else for our honeymoon. And you didn't write checks against no funds? Nope. Not me. Well, who did? Well, I don't know if I'm allowed to tell you. Well, someone else took checks of yours and then Not checks, Don.
[00:34:04] Unknown:
Just one.
[00:34:05] Unknown:
You mean forged your signature and got the money? Not exactly like that, but pretty much. Will you approve of this? My lawyer does. And he says you're in the clear? Absolutely. This proof is good enough to stand up in court tomorrow? There isn't going to be any trial tomorrow. Oh, do you hear that, darling? I am so glad to hear that. You have no idea. No trial? Well, is that all you can say? Yep. You mean that's all you will say? Yep. Alright then. We'll just have to find out for ourselves. Yep. Guess you'll have to. Would anyone like a cup of coffee? Well, now I don't think I'd mind.
I'd like one. No. Thanks. We're leaving. Thank you both. And, all I can say is this is all very mysterious and peculiar. Don Pervis, I don't understand you at all. Why were you so short with the corners? Why get so hot under the collar and duck out all of a sudden? They're in the clear. They're innocent. Yeah. So they say. You don't believe them? Well, I need corroboration. But you act like you wish they were guilty. Look. If they're innocent and the whole thing is some mistake by the chief of police of this dear place, then we've had egg pushed into our faces two times in a row. Besides that, if I don't come up with one heck of a story, it may be my last story.
And I kid you not, Ron. Remember, I was the one who put the counters on page one in the first place. Yes. But but what would be the point in just saying what they said? If I knew that, I wouldn't be rushing back to the courthouse before it closes for the day. Oh, is that where we're going? That's where we were going. Oh, sounds like we've had a blow up.
[00:35:48] Unknown:
If you get over the curb.
[00:35:53] Unknown:
Alright. I'm gonna go take a look. Rotting luck. Front left tire, flat as a pancake. Look, I'll stay with this lame buggy since I took it out in a company named Ron. Mhmm. You get yourself over to car hire where I pick this up and tell him to come get me him. Well, why don't you just jack it up and change the tire? As there is no spare. This was the only car I could rent, so I took it. Now beat it. And look, don't come back here, Ron. The courthouse closes at three. Go see the judge and see what you can find out. And if there is no trial tomorrow, find out the reason why.
Why would he tell me? Because you asked him to. Now beat it.
[00:36:47] Unknown:
That will be $1.15, please. Did you say a dollar 15? That's what I said. A dollar 15¢,
[00:36:54] Unknown:
please. Suck. Operator, I only have quarters on me. I'm sorry. I'm unable to give you any change. But if I put 5 quarters in, the telephone company will owe me a dime. What can I do about it? Well, how about you're turning me the dime I put in to get you in the first place and then I'll owe you a dollar and a quarter? The charge is $1.15.
[00:37:13] Unknown:
They're not a dollar and a quarter. We could mail you the difference. But think of the postage you'll save if you do it my way. Do you wish to complete this long distance call or don't you, sir?
[00:37:23] Unknown:
Oh, don't you understand
[00:37:24] Unknown:
what I'm saying? Yes or no, sir?
[00:37:28] Unknown:
Oh, forget it. If you wish to cancel the call, you'll have to hang up, sir. No. No. No. No. No. I don't mean that. Don't here's your money.
[00:37:44] Unknown:
Do you wish me to connect you with a refund operator, sir?
[00:37:47] Unknown:
Oh, no. I don't. Just leave me alone.
[00:37:53] Unknown:
Hello. Hello, mister Sheraton. Ronald Davis here calling from Barrows Point, Maine. I am sorry to call you on your private line, sir, but this is an emergency. No. No. I didn't get that local lawyer to sue the Conners because they are innocent. Yes. I just had a heart to heart with the judge. It seems somebody passed one of Conner's checks with a, scribbled signature on it, and it it went through because of the magnetic numbers on the bottom of the check. You know, there wasn't enough money in the account to cover because they've drawn it all out for their honeymoon. Well, maybe it was a prankster joke and maybe not. Nobody here seems to know.
Well, then yeah. Well, then the chief of police jumped the gun and swore out an arrest warrant. Well, anyway, the bank is not prosecuting. It was their mistake. Now I'm coming to, our mistake, mister Sheraton, and I think we'll be making one a big one if you don't get into the action before this news gets out. I mean, people think we thought they were conning us for the hotel room. Well, what I'm seeing right now is we ought to invite them back to the hotel and throw them a big party or we're going to look mighty silly. This is Don Purvis speaking to you from the courthouse steps in Barrels Point, Maine. Now let me begin by admitting to you that my face is plenty red, and there are many of us who should be just as embarrassed when they learn the truth.
Today, Tuesday the third, should have been the trial of Harold Connor on charges of passing a bad check. Now all along, mister Connor has protested his innocence, And I'm sure all those down in big city who opened their hearts and their pocketbooks to the Conners will be glad to hear they are completely exonerated. Harold and his sweet trusting wife, Marge, are here with me and have consented to answer a few questions. Now, Marge, I'm gonna start with you first, if I may. Tell me. How does it feel to have your husband vindicated? Fine. It feels just fine. Now, Harold, let me ask you. Has the person or persons who presented a check of yours been caught? No.
Where is it? Nobody knows. But the the the teller at the bank knows that it wasn't you? Yep. Do they know who it was? Yep. The, bank teller remembered. Well, then why hasn't that person been arrested? Because, there's no one in Barrows Point who can make an arrest. But where's your brother Augustus? He's the one who left town. I see. But why would he do that? I mean, why would anyone wanna get you into trouble? Oh, because maybe they were jealous,
[00:40:32] Unknown:
you know, reading about us in the newspapers, being on TV,
[00:40:35] Unknown:
getting all those free presents and the free good time. Well, I'm not going to embarrass you two by asking you to identify who was suspected because I think it's pretty much common knowledge around these parts. And it's possible this beautiful Maine town will be getting themselves another chief of police. Oh, they are killed already, but he turned it down. Yep. Lumber is my line. Mister and missus Connor, on behalf of all those watching this interview, may I ask you to please come back to Big City so that we can show you how much we really love you and admire you? Well
[00:41:10] Unknown:
well well, I I must say
[00:41:13] Unknown:
Mister Burris, it's, it's been a real pleasure meeting up with all those fine folk in your hometown, but I think one visit was enough. Right, Popsie?
[00:41:27] Unknown:
Right, Popsie.
[00:41:44] Unknown:
To end where we began, let me quote for you the last verse of our ancient nursery rhyme. Punch and Judy settled down for that it it way. They had their fill of highwaymen and never strayed away. Now that may be alright for an old fashioned nursery rhyme, but for today, is it a good idea never to leave home because you might run into some bad luck? Perhaps I can come up with an answer when I get back to you, which I intend to do shortly. There is an old saw that tells us the grass is always greener elsewhere and to beware. True, the lights of any big city are fascinating to most folks, but we're not saying don't visit new places.
We're saying that real warm and friendly folk are everywhere. So no matter what happens or could, isn't it worth it to see what's going on on the other side of the mountain? Well, who knows what treasure you might find there? What new experience just waiting to be discovered? Our cast included Russell Horton, Marian Haley, Earl Hammond, and Mandel Kramer. The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now a preview of our next tale. Those people will kill me, Rudy. But they shall do no such thing. How can you say that? Because I shall go to the district attorney.
They'll kill you too? Well, I shan't permit any hoodlums to push my brother around. But But the money means nothing to you. In the immortal words of Charles Goodlow Harbor, millions for defense, but not 1¢ for tribute. And then I saw it. My brother had just suggested how I could pay off the boss and have a fortune for myself besides. Of course, someone would have to die. But as long as that someone wouldn't be me, what difference would it make in the cosmic scheme of things? Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by True Value Hardware stores. This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre.
Until next time. Pleasant dream.
