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Welcome to another intriguing episode of Mystery Theater, hosted by Hyman Brown. In this episode, we delve into the philosophical and moral quandaries surrounding the concept of eternal life. Our story, "All the Time in the World," written by Sam Dhan, follows the journey of Harry and Rosie as they encounter Lucas, a man who claims to have lived for over a century. As they navigate the complexities of Lucas's past and the potential for a million-dollar scheme, they are forced to confront the true cost of immortality and the inevitability of fate.
Join us as we explore themes of destiny, deception, and the human desire for longevity. With a blend of suspense and humor, this episode challenges the listener to consider what it truly means to live forever and whether such a gift is a blessing or a curse. Featuring performances by Ralph Bell and a talented cast, "All the Time in the World" promises to captivate and entertain as it unfolds its mysterious tale.
(00:28) Introduction to Mystery Theater
(01:32) The Quest for Eternal Life
(03:00) The Million Dollar Plan
(07:01) Lucas's Mysterious Past
(14:20) The Elixir of Eternal Life
(28:02) The Failed Scheme
(36:00) The Truth About Lucas
(39:05) Harry's New Reality
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:00:25] Unknown:
Come in. Welcome. Welcome to Mystery Theater. I am Hyman Brown. The poet tells us, at the door of life, at the gate of birth, there are worse things waiting for man than death. And well may we ask the poet, what are those worse things? After all, what could be more tragic than to die? And the answer perhaps, it is more tragic not to die when your time has come and your life is over.
[00:01:02] Unknown:
And what are you trying to sell the suckers now? Rosie, this one can't miss.
[00:01:07] Unknown:
You know what I got here? What? Eternal life. So? What do you mean so? I feed you the Blockbuster and all you can give me is so? Oh, I'm not sure how many people would wanna live forever. What are you saying? Wouldn't you? Well,
[00:01:24] Unknown:
I'd have to think about it.
[00:01:32] Unknown:
Our mystery drama, All the Time in the World, was written especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dhan and stars Ralph Bell. I'll be back shortly with act one. In everything we are told, there is a season. There's a time to be born and a time to die. And most of us follow that timetable. We arrive, and we depart pretty much on schedule. Now and again, accidents or ailments or upheavals beyond our control may curtail our visit, but most of us have a pretty good shot at the allotted three score in 10, and many of us do even better. However, sooner or later, the hour must strike for everyone.
Well, doesn't it? They are moving at a brisk pace through the lovely countryside, and it's a beautiful morning.
[00:02:45] Unknown:
Alright, Harry.
[00:02:46] Unknown:
Where are we headed for? Rosie, baby. We are headed for $1,000,000. Sure. Now, but this time, this time it's money in the bank. When can I write a check against it? Hey, Rosie,
[00:02:58] Unknown:
this can't miss. Hold it. That sign, it says Morristown.
[00:03:02] Unknown:
Right? That's exactly what it says. Morristown. Is that where we're going? We'll be there in exactly fifteen minutes. What for? Because that's where the money is. And that's where the state penitentiary
[00:03:14] Unknown:
is.
[00:03:15] Unknown:
Who would know that better than me? We're going to the state pen. Yes, baby. Why? Because he's being sprung today. Who is? A million dollars.
[00:03:25] Unknown:
We're gonna pick him up. If you think you're gonna bring home some bum for me to take care of He's not a bum, Rosie. He's a pal of mine. He's guilty until he can prove himself innocent, which if he's a pal of yours, he will not be able to do. No, Harry. I'm putting my foot down. You turn this car right around now. But, baby, he's got no place else to go. If he's got a million dollars, he can find a place without any trouble. Rosie, I didn't say he's got a million dollars. What I said was
[00:03:53] Unknown:
he is a million dollars. I don't understand you, Harry. Of course not. And I don't understand you either, Rosie. That's what makes our relationship so, what word am I looking for? Doomed. There it is, just up ahead. Yeah. I see it. And there he is standing by the gate. Who? My old buddy,
[00:04:20] Unknown:
Lucas. That's his name? Lucas?
[00:04:22] Unknown:
Lucas what? Well, I don't know if it's his first name or it's his last name. Yeah?
[00:04:27] Unknown:
Well, it would seem to me you don't know him very well. I know him well enough to make a million bucks.
[00:04:33] Unknown:
Hey, Lucas. Hey, up in the back. Attaboy. And we're off. Been waiting long, Lucas? No. Lucas, say hello to Rosie.
[00:04:48] Unknown:
Hello, Rosie.
[00:04:50] Unknown:
My pleasure, I'm sure. So here you are, Lucas,
[00:04:53] Unknown:
with the new suit. Some suit. And a cardboard police and a $20 bill. Right? Yeah. So how does it feel to be out, Lucas? Alright. Hey, Lucas. I'm bet this is the first time you ever rode in an automobile.
[00:05:11] Unknown:
Yeah. I guess so.
[00:05:12] Unknown:
How do you like it?
[00:05:14] Unknown:
It's fun. What have you two guys got going here? A vaudeville routine?
[00:05:19] Unknown:
Hey. Come to think of it, when did Lucas ever have a chance to ride in an automobile,
[00:05:24] Unknown:
Oh, how long has Lucas been in the slammer?
[00:05:27] Unknown:
A long, long time, baby. Yeah? What'd he do?
[00:05:31] Unknown:
Why were you jugged, Lucas?
[00:05:33] Unknown:
This time? I,
[00:05:36] Unknown:
I don't remember. What do you mean you don't remember? Rosie, baby. Not everybody has such a good memory. What does he mean this time? I happen to know his record. This time, he was up for murder. Murder? Yeah. Was during an armed robbery.
[00:05:52] Unknown:
It's coming back to me. I Yeah. I remember now.
[00:05:55] Unknown:
Stop the car this minute. What for? You are not going to bring home any strong arms. Rosie.
[00:06:01] Unknown:
We have to give Lucas a break. No. Now, just look at him. Isn't he the nicest, mildest guy you ever wanna see? He's out. The man paid his debt. He said his time. You spell that, o u t. He did his ninety nine years. And furthermore, if you ever think he he what? He was inside for ninety nine years.
[00:06:23] Unknown:
Harry,
[00:06:25] Unknown:
what kind of double talk are you giving me? This is a man who was sentenced to do ninety nine years. So he did his ninety nine, and here he is. Nobody does ninety nine.
[00:06:37] Unknown:
Here's a man. He looks, what, thirty five, forty, maybe tops.
[00:06:43] Unknown:
How can he have served ninety nine? He's got the documents to prove it. What documents? For the next five years, Lucas has got the report once a month to his parole officer. He's got this card.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
Show him the card, Lucas. Harry. Just look at the card.
[00:06:58] Unknown:
What does it say?
[00:07:00] Unknown:
The state of new
[00:07:01] Unknown:
You see? It's an official document.
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Lucas, sentenced in the year '18 oh, no. They have to be kidding. You're looking at the thing there in black and white, and you still won't believe it. To serve a term of ninety nine years in the state penit no. I still say it can't be. Lucas, how old are you? Oh,
[00:07:25] Unknown:
I don't remember.
[00:07:26] Unknown:
I couldn't believe it myself at first.
[00:07:29] Unknown:
At least a 140 years old. Oh, no.
[00:07:34] Unknown:
What do you mean oh, no? People live that long, don't they? I never heard of it. Besides, he looks younger than you do. Well, so much the better. For what? For our chances of making a million bucks. Oh, yeah.
[00:07:49] Unknown:
How many times have we had this talk before?
[00:07:53] Unknown:
But this time this time, there's a difference. Yeah? What is it? Lucas.
[00:08:02] Unknown:
Alright, mister Lucas. You may put your shirt on.
[00:08:05] Unknown:
Well, doc, what's the verdict? Verdict?
[00:08:09] Unknown:
How old would you say Lucas is? How old?
[00:08:13] Unknown:
Say he has the heart, the lungs, the arteries, all the vital signs of a man in his thirties.
[00:08:19] Unknown:
His thirties. Yeah. Say his late thirties. Uh-huh.
[00:08:24] Unknown:
Thank you, doc. Would, would you make a statement to that effect? I have subjected mister Lucas to a complete physical examination and find him to be in excellent condition. I would state that his health is above average for a man 40 years of age.
[00:08:46] Unknown:
This is the old ballgame, Rosie. Yeah. Well, all I know is this has cost us $75 And there has also been a substantial increase in the grocery bill since Lucas showed up Rosie, you gotta spend money to make money Okay, we're spending it When do we start making it? Tonight. What happens tonight? We go on TV. Who goes on TV?
[00:09:08] Unknown:
Me and Lucas. What for? Honey,
[00:09:11] Unknown:
how do you make money? It beats me. And if you want the truth, it also beats you. You advertise.
[00:09:18] Unknown:
That's right, Rosie. You gotta advertise.
[00:09:21] Unknown:
You know why? Oh, what am I getting into here? This little poem I picked up.
[00:09:27] Unknown:
The codfish lays a thousand eggs. The homely hen lays one. But the codfish never cankels to tell you what she's done. And so we scorn the codfish while the homely hen we prize, which only goes to show you that it pays to advertise.
[00:09:46] Unknown:
Oh, and what are you going to advertise? And where are you gonna get the money to do it? I'll answer the second question first.
[00:09:54] Unknown:
It's free. What's free? Tonight. You're gonna see Lucas on the tube doing a guest shot. Who'd want Lucas for a guest shot? Bonnie Quackenbush.
[00:10:02] Unknown:
That's who. Oh, it figures with all the other fruits and nuts.
[00:10:07] Unknown:
And what is Lucas going to advertise? Lucas is gonna advertise that one commodity for which every single person in the world would give everything he owns. And what is that?
[00:10:16] Unknown:
Eternal life. Eternal life.
[00:10:20] Unknown:
What's with the o? Here, I feed you the blockbusters and all you didn't give me is oh? Eternal life. I'm not sure how many people would really wanna live forever. What are you saying? There's enough suckers out there to add up to a million bucks.
[00:10:43] Unknown:
Hi out there in Doville. It's me again, Bonnie Quackenbush. And look at whom we have for you in the quack pack tonight. Oh, wow. Ain't he a handsome thing? But remember, girls, Bonnie saw him first, and his name is Lucas. Oh, say hello to the pack, Lucas.
[00:11:02] Unknown:
Hello?
[00:11:04] Unknown:
Sexy. Right? Well, here's what's been happening. When the studio pack came in, we asked each and every one to write down how old they thought Lucas is, and I got all the answers right here. And they say, 35, 36, 37. Oh, that's how they've been running, 35 ish. Now all of you, take a good look at Luke and give us your guess. A little speculation music, please. Now are you ready? Have you guessed? What did you come up with? Well, you're wrong. Tell the pack how old you are, Lucas. Go on. Tell them. I, don't remember. Of course not. If I were as old as you, baby, I wouldn't wanna remember either. But here is Lucas's best friend, Harry Barrows. Harry, yak at the pack. Thank you, Bonnie.
[00:12:07] Unknown:
I have here a statement. A signed statement. From a fully ordained doctor of medicine. Which says? Lucas has the body The physical equipment. Of a man in his late late thirties. Go on, Harry. Give us the zinger. If you consult the records of the state penitentiary up at Morristown, you will learn that Lucas has just been discharged from prison. Oh, we certainly hope that Lucas has learned his lesson, don't we? Yes, Bonnie. He certainly did because he had a long time to think about it. So long that he'd even forgotten what he'd actually done. And how long a time was it, Harry? Ninety nine years.
[00:12:47] Unknown:
You are saying then that exactly ninety nine years ago,
[00:12:52] Unknown:
Lucas here was flung into the Bastille. You could look it up. So how old does that make Lucas? Your guess is as good as mine. Hey, Rosie. Hey. Where have you two clowns been? Did you see the show? You know it's 03:00 in the morning. We were hiding out. What for? For? You saw the show. You saw how everybody went crazy. Harry, what is it? I told you. Suddenly, the place was invaded by reporters in the paper, the radio, TV, the whole media. Alright. It's not the pack. What's wrong? We have to leave. Why? Sooner or later, they have to find out where I live. Well, isn't that what you wanted? Nah. Nah. We have to get away. Harry, did you do something wrong? All we did tonight was hook the fish.
Now we have to be very careful how we reel them in. Oh, no. I've heard this one before. Rosie, honey, you have to have faith in me. I know what I'm doing. What are you doing? What are all these moves, this strategy? Honey, we have to go away so that you can mix up a batch of the elixir. The elixir? What elixir? The elixir
[00:14:04] Unknown:
of eternal life. What do I know about mixing up an elixir of eternal life? Rosie, for a girl as smart as you are,
[00:14:12] Unknown:
there's nothing to it. It. Nothing to it at all.
[00:14:20] Unknown:
The elixir of eternal life. Slowly but surely, the outlines of Harry's master plan seems to emerge from the mist, the elixir of eternal life. How would you like to be able to walk into the corner drugstore, point to the shelf, and say, I'll have a bottle of that? The time may be nearer than you think, and then again, it may not. It depends on what happens shortly in act two. What can I tell you? Only what the record states. And what does the record have to say for itself? This, that a man named Lucas was sentenced to serve a term of ninety nine years for armed robbery and murder. Well, the ninety nine years have elapsed, and here is Lucas still alive, looking no older than the day he went in.
They had to set him free, and they did. And here we are.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
What is this elixir of life, Harry? It happens to be a million dollars. Uh-huh. Look, Harry. I'm going on record right now. Please, Rosie. We got no time. We have things to do. I have been through one scheme after another. I lose track of all the hustles, the flim flams, the capers. That doesn't matter. You know why? Rosie, I All your hustles and capers. You know what they all got in common? They don't work. Wrong. They do not work. Never in your life have you ever succeeded in making a dishonest dollar.
[00:16:09] Unknown:
Okay. So if you got no confidence in me, why don't you stick around? Because
[00:16:15] Unknown:
maybe it's your fate. After all, everybody does what he's meant to do. And what was I meant to do? Fail.
[00:16:23] Unknown:
Hey. Look. We have to get out of here. May law. See?
[00:16:26] Unknown:
You go on TV to advertise, to attract attention.
[00:16:30] Unknown:
And then when you get it, you wanna disappear. Now why? Will you start to figure out how the elixir of life eternal should taste while Lucas and I load up the car?
[00:16:48] Unknown:
So what do you think?
[00:16:54] Unknown:
Maybe it's too sweet.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
I'll put in half as much sugar. You know what it needs?
[00:16:59] Unknown:
Maybe it should taste the more mysterious. Mystery. So I'll put in some pepper. Alright. But, come on. We gotta hurry. Why? Because you have to strike while the iron is hot. That's also a very good time to get burned. The elixir of eternal life or of life eternal?
[00:17:17] Unknown:
Which sounds better? Taste it now. Mhmm.
[00:17:25] Unknown:
It's almost there. I tell you, Lucas, she's one in a million. You see, to how many dames could you say mix up a batch of eternal life elixir and an old time at all ever this? Hi. Where do you think you're going? You keep working on the elixir, Rosie. I got a little missionary work to do. Lucas can keep you company.
[00:17:51] Unknown:
So taste this one, Lucas. Oh, no, No big hit either, Well, let me see. Oh, I think I'll put in some honey, some garlic. What else have I got in here? That's How about some vinegar? Yeah. I'll just put in a little bit of everything. Why don't we just run this through the blender? Fros it up a little bit. Yeah. Oh, well, now let me see how our little witch's brew is doing here. What do you say, Lucas? How about a little taste? What do you think?
[00:18:40] Unknown:
Posca.
[00:18:42] Unknown:
I beg your pardon? I You don't have to make such a horrible face.
[00:18:47] Unknown:
Pasca. Pasca,
[00:18:49] Unknown:
What's that supposed to mean? Hey. Wait a second. If it tastes so awful, how come you're drinking the rest of it?
[00:18:56] Unknown:
Some more. More?
[00:18:58] Unknown:
Did you see your face while you were pouring it down? Oh, it's good good
[00:19:02] Unknown:
for you. Good for you? Yeah. I remember that the master would make us drink it whenever we were sick. Uh-oh.
[00:19:11] Unknown:
What is commencing to start here, Lucas? What's with the master bit? Taste.
[00:19:17] Unknown:
I remember the taste. Yeah. It brings everything back. Yesterday, everything was so so dark. I couldn't see back into it. It was so long ago. But now the taste, it's like a knife. It cuts through. You know what I'm saying? No, Lucas. I don't.
[00:19:39] Unknown:
Pasca.
[00:19:41] Unknown:
It was brought into the house of a master by a Greek slave. He called it
[00:19:48] Unknown:
a a posite. Sure. Yeah. Hey, Lucas. Why don't you lie down and take a little nap?
[00:19:54] Unknown:
Lucas. My name was Lucius. I never had another name. I was the illegitimate son of the master and a Lydian slave woman. I remember now. Lucius. And then many years later, it was Klotwig and then Lewis and
[00:20:20] Unknown:
Lucas. Are you trying to tell me what I think you're trying to tell me?
[00:20:26] Unknown:
Oh, I've lived so long, so long. At times when I'm so tired, and I can't remember. But the taste, it brought me back. I'm Lucius. Yeah. Sure. I was born in Rome. Italy. No. No. Rome. It was all Rome. Uh-huh.
[00:20:45] Unknown:
Lucius. When when was this?
[00:20:48] Unknown:
I don't know. What year? Year. I don't remember. Maybe I never knew. How could you not know? People like me, we we didn't know anything. We're just lucky to be alive. Oh, although I'm not so sure that was lucky either. But what did you do? Most of the time, we were hungry. When we got sick, very sick, they'd take us to the master, and he'd give us a posca to drink so we could go back to work. What kind of work? On the farm. It was
[00:21:24] Unknown:
very hard work. And you don't know when it was? What was going on? No.
[00:21:29] Unknown:
No. Every day was the same.
[00:21:32] Unknown:
Lucas, going along with this, how come you're still alive?
[00:21:38] Unknown:
Oh. Oh, well, you see, I was a thief. Yeah? You had to steal to keep alive back then. Well well, most people stole little food from the kitchen, maybe fruit from the trees and so on, but the master knew about it. He he wouldn't let on because he knew you had to. Me, I was different. Different? Yeah. I I I didn't steal just because I was hungry. No? I stole because because I'm a thief.
[00:22:16] Unknown:
Like I can't help myself. Come on, Lucas. You don't expect me to believe that. No. It's true.
[00:22:22] Unknown:
It's in the blood. Like, one man can play music, one man can paint pictures, and I I have to steal. Alright.
[00:22:33] Unknown:
But that still doesn't answer the question. How come you're alive after all this time?
[00:22:40] Unknown:
Because
[00:22:43] Unknown:
Apollo said so.
[00:22:44] Unknown:
Apollo?
[00:22:46] Unknown:
He was one of the gods. Oh, I'm afraid you're only getting yourself in deeper. No. There there was a temple of Apollo in the master's estate. And there was this gold mask of Apollo on the altar, and so I thought I'd steal it. I'd be able to raise enough money to to go somewhere else, start a new life. You sound like a dear friend of mine. But I got caught.
[00:23:08] Unknown:
How did I know?
[00:23:09] Unknown:
I'd always get caught. It figures. The penalty for stealing from the temple of a god was usually death by torture. Please, Lucas. No horrible details. The master said he has offended the god. Let the god decide his punishment. So they loaded me down with chains. I could hardly move. They set me in front of the altar of Apollo. Yeah. It was midnight. Oh, and there was a a terrible storm. I can hear the thunder. Listen. The what? The thunder. Terrible thunder and the lightning.
[00:23:53] Unknown:
Was flashing all around me. Lucas, are you okay? The voice.
[00:23:57] Unknown:
The voice of the god. Listen. You hear it? You hear it? The voice of Apollo.
[00:24:03] Unknown:
Lucius.
[00:24:06] Unknown:
Speed ax mail. Don't you hear it? No. No. I don't hear nothing.
[00:24:11] Unknown:
It's a voice that seems to enter inside your head close through your whole entire body. You just
[00:24:20] Unknown:
feed that slave. You have defiled my temple. Voice
[00:24:29] Unknown:
kept speaking
[00:24:30] Unknown:
inside me. Now just take it easy, Luca.
[00:24:34] Unknown:
Lucius, villain, and slave, scoundrel, and thieves.
[00:24:42] Unknown:
It's alright,
[00:24:44] Unknown:
Luca. You expect the God to follow to sentence you to a horrible death, but any death would be a release and a reward. I sentence you instead to a horrible life, the life of a thief, the life you have always lived, the only life you know. You shall live such a life whatever. You shall be a thief under the rule of all the nations to come. You will live many lives in countries yet to be discovered, but all you shall know of them is the insides of the prisons.
[00:25:40] Unknown:
Lucas? Lucas, you okay? Here. Here. Drink some of this.
[00:25:50] Unknown:
I remember, and the taste made me remember.
[00:25:55] Unknown:
So you have to be a couple of thousand years old. Right? I'm old.
[00:26:02] Unknown:
I'm very old.
[00:26:04] Unknown:
What happened, Lucas? Didn't you ever catch on? Couldn't you see there's no percentage to it? In all these years, couldn't you decide to make something out of yourself? How? How long does a guy have to be a sucker?
[00:26:21] Unknown:
I was born poor, ignorant, slave. I never had a chance to learn anything. All I knew how to do was
[00:26:33] Unknown:
was steal. And you didn't know how to do that too good either. But it's my trade.
[00:26:39] Unknown:
I don't wanna do anything else. Like, the last time I was in prison, it it was for for ninety nine years. Now I'm free. I know I'll have to steal again. Now, Lucas. Now when Harry brought us here to this place, I noticed a store down the road. I know soon, very soon,
[00:27:01] Unknown:
I'm gonna break in there. Lucas, you mustn't. I can't help it. With your luck, you have to get caught.
[00:27:08] Unknown:
It isn't luck. It's fate.
[00:27:19] Unknown:
Now
[00:27:21] Unknown:
this is exactly the way it should taste. This is the elixir of life, a title. And what are you going to do with it? My rosy, honey, we're gonna sell it. Oh, we're gonna sell it, Everybody's seen Lucas on the TV. Everybody knows how old he is. I don't think so. But go ahead. So this is what Lucas drinks. You see? This is the elixir of life eternal.
[00:27:44] Unknown:
Okay? Harry, how do you expect me to make enough of that stuff in a kitchen? Let's see. You got a whole blender full of it?
[00:27:52] Unknown:
That should be more than enough. More than enough for what? More than enough to make a million dollars.
[00:28:02] Unknown:
Our friend Harry certainly has that million dollars on his mind, that million dollars that always seems to elude him. The gold that shines so brightly up ahead but remains ever out of reach. Alright. Is this to be the time? You can see he has quite a bit going for him. Within a few moments, we shall be involved in the third act and the revelation. Gentlemen rankers out on a spree, damned from here to eternity. So wrote mister Kipling, From here to eternity is a long, long, a limitless time, but it seems to be stretching out ahead for our friend Lucas. Our other friend Harry has the idea that he can make a good thing out of it. You mean
[00:29:08] Unknown:
just this picture full of this elixir of life eternal will be enough to make a million bucks? You heard me. How?
[00:29:15] Unknown:
Tell me, Rosie. How would you promote this?
[00:29:19] Unknown:
I would do it the common sense way. Which is? Harry, you went on the TV. You exposed Lucas to millions. Here's a man who is over a 100 and he looks less than 40. Right? Go ahead. Okay. So the roofs are looking at him, Popeye. Now you should say, listen, suckers. Here's the secret. This is Lucas's own secret formula. This is what Lucas drinks every day, this dandy little elixir of life eternal. Here it is. $1, and a million faffs I'll dig down.
[00:29:52] Unknown:
Which means I'd have to go into business. I'd have to buy a million bottles,
[00:29:57] Unknown:
higher labor, get involved with payroll taxes. Okay. You just talked me out of it. Let's forget the whole thing. Lucas is starting to get a funny look in his eyes. I haven't stolen anything
[00:30:08] Unknown:
in ninety nine years. You just control yourself, I'll try. Yeah. But I don't know if I can. Here.
[00:30:15] Unknown:
Drink some of this good old Alextra,
[00:30:18] Unknown:
Why should I try to sell 1,000,000 bottles of $1 apiece when I can sell one bottle for a million dollars? And who's gonna give you $1,000,000? I'll be back within the hour with a certified check. Uh-uh.
[00:30:32] Unknown:
I'm scared. Of what? I don't know. But it's not gonna work. What do you mean it's not gonna work? Rosie, why can't you have faith in me? I have faith in you, Harry. I have faith that you'll go to jail as usual. You see the possibility.
[00:30:46] Unknown:
You see the potential,
[00:30:48] Unknown:
eternal life. How can I miss? You'll find a way, way, Harry. You always do.
[00:30:57] Unknown:
Well, mister Bowers, what is this offer of a lifetime? Mister Maven,
[00:31:02] Unknown:
you've heard of Lucas? He was featured on a Bonnie Quackenbush program. The convict. Yes. Well, mister Mammon, he is more than just a convict. Come to the point. I met mister Lucas five years ago in the state penitentiary.
[00:31:15] Unknown:
Yes. You were serving a term for some hapless confidence scheme that went awry.
[00:31:21] Unknown:
May I ask,
[00:31:23] Unknown:
how you know about that? I know everything about you, mister Powells. When a man expresses a desire to see me on business, I have him investigated minutely. I have a computer operation that can turn your whole life inside out. For instance, I am aware of the fact that when you were in the third grade, you were caught cheating on a spelling test. Wrong. It was arithmetic. No. You were saying, mister Bowles?
[00:31:49] Unknown:
My, my cellmate
[00:31:52] Unknown:
was Lucas. Cell 87 Block C Northwing.
[00:31:56] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, that's when I got to know him and about his incredible age. We became very friendly. And after a while, he revealed a secret to me. His, secret? Yes. It consists of a beverage. Continue. He drinks it every
[00:32:14] Unknown:
day. And you wish to sell me this beverage?
[00:32:19] Unknown:
Yes.
[00:32:19] Unknown:
For $1,000,000? How did you know? Because that is exactly what I should do if I were in your place.
[00:32:27] Unknown:
Well, do you wanna live forever or let us say, indefinitely?
[00:32:34] Unknown:
I would have to take that question under advisement.
[00:32:37] Unknown:
I, have here a sample, mister Mammon. Which could prove what?
[00:32:43] Unknown:
I'll let you have a freed
[00:32:45] Unknown:
taste. Now, sir, drink that down and tell me, doesn't that convince you? The distinctive flavor of it that is truly the elixir of life. You're very clever, mister Burrows. I am offering you more than you could buy anywhere else for your money. Eternal life.
[00:33:08] Unknown:
It's the best confidence operation I've ever encountered. I assure you it's not It's foolproof. Who could ever prove it's a swindle? This is not a swindle. Oh, it is. But how could the victim ever prove it? The victim? As long as he's alive, you're in the clear. He would have to die. Sir, I'm afraid you don't understand. The only thing wrong with it is nobody would want to buy the product.
[00:33:39] Unknown:
Oh, yeah? What's wrong with the product? Eternal life.
[00:33:43] Unknown:
Who really wants it? Why, everybody. Do you? Absolutely. I don't. And I don't know anybody else who does. Oh, a lot of people would like to live forever. Oh, they think they do. Until ten minutes ago, I thought I did too.
[00:34:00] Unknown:
But then when I was confronted with it,
[00:34:03] Unknown:
I really began to think about it. No. Thank you.
[00:34:08] Unknown:
Well, sir, I'm sure I can do business elsewhere.
[00:34:12] Unknown:
Are you? Nickels and dimes maybe? Like a million dollars? Oh, by the way, that little elixir of yours tastes pretty good. Mind if I have another sip?
[00:34:34] Unknown:
Where's the million bucks? Well, Rosie, you Do you have it in one big bill or a lot of little ones? We're having temporary difficulties. Yeah. And it looks like they might become permanent. Oh, come on. What are you saying? It's been on the news about Lucas. What about Lucas? They're saying he's a phony. Who is? Everybody. Your friend Bonnie Quackenbush should be on right now.
[00:34:57] Unknown:
Turn it on. Listen. How could it be a phony? I saw Lucas's records. Yeah. Wow.
[00:35:02] Unknown:
Go figure. Turn on the set.
[00:35:06] Unknown:
Has the pack ever been taking flack? About what? About Lucas? Seems it's a hoax, folks. Yes. Indeed. The show caused so much chatter that we decided to investigate the records at State Pen. Well, it seems that they goofed somehow. A man named Lucas was sent up ninety nine years ago, but he died. I don't know if they buried somebody else or what, but his records got confused. And the man you saw on this show last week wound up with them. Maybe it'll never get straightened out, but one thing for sure, nobody could be a 140 years old and not look it.
[00:35:51] Unknown:
I guess you've heard enough.
[00:35:53] Unknown:
I don't understand it. Eternal life, I thought people would beat down the door to get it. It sounded foolproof to me. It was.
[00:36:00] Unknown:
Only thing wrong with it was you. Me? Yes, Harry. You. It had to fail because you're fated not to be successful as a con artist. It doesn't matter what the hustle is. What kind of talk is that? Fated. It's your destiny. Destiny?
[00:36:17] Unknown:
So the story about Lucas just killed it. That's all. But I should have been home free before it broke. What do you mean before it broke? Were you expecting it to break? Well, sure. Won't you? What do you mean wasn't on? You knew it had to be some kind of swindle. You didn't actually believe Lucas could be a hundred forty years or so old? How could a man that age look an act so young? He's not a 140
[00:36:38] Unknown:
years old. That is definite. Well, that's what I just told you. His real age would be closer to, oh, about 2,200. Twi hey, Rosie. Is this you talking? Those are the facts, Harry. He told me. He told you what? He was born a slave in ancient Rome.
[00:36:57] Unknown:
That's what Lucas told you? Yeah. He remembered,
[00:37:00] Unknown:
and he was a thief. And because he tried to steal something from an ancient god named Apollo, he was condemned to live forever. So why was that a bad deal? As a thief. As a two bit coffee and cake thief. Always in and out of jail. This is what he told you, Yeah. And you believe him? Yes, Harry. I believe him. Where is he? Where's Lucas? Last I saw him, he was in the other room having a nap. Let's get to the bottom of this.
[00:37:27] Unknown:
Lucas? Hey, Lucas. Hey. Wake up, Lucas. He's not here.
[00:37:33] Unknown:
Where would he go? It's nighttime. Harry. I'm scared. Why? He said he hadn't pulled a robbery in ninety nine years, and he just felt well, he felt he couldn't sit still anymore. But where would he go? He said something about the star down the road and how some night he just have to break in there.
[00:37:51] Unknown:
I gotta stop. Harriet, maybe too late? He doesn't have a chance. Old Dobkins, the storekeepers, the deputy sheriff. He sits up all night with a shotgun. Maybe Lucas didn't get there yet, I'll take the car. I'm going with you. Oh, no. Harry. One of us has to stay out of jail. Lucas? Hey, Lucas? It's open. And the door's open. Lucas?
[00:38:31] Unknown:
Is that you, Harry? Hey, Lucas. What what are you doing in here?
[00:38:35] Unknown:
What do you think I'm doing? Are you crazy? Let's get out of here. Let me see if I can find the cash. Hey, Lucas. You're crazy. This is breaking entry. And what's the steal here? You can do 5 to 10 for it. What's ten years? Let's get out of here, would you? Hang on just a second. Stay where you are are in the name of the law. Let's speed it. Paul. Get in the car, Luke. Get out of the car. Hurry up. Paul, in the name of the law.
[00:39:06] Unknown:
Thank you, nurse. Hello, Harry. How do you feel? Different. Yeah. Well, that's to be expected. You've been unconscious for three days? Oh, yeah?
[00:39:23] Unknown:
Well, I I feel different, in a funny kind of way.
[00:39:29] Unknown:
Like what?
[00:39:31] Unknown:
I don't know. It's as if I'm a different kind of person.
[00:39:37] Unknown:
I thought I was dead. Yeah. Well, they all say it's a remarkable recovery. Some even believe it's a miracle. It happened right after the transfusion.
[00:39:48] Unknown:
What transfusion?
[00:39:49] Unknown:
Well, you needed blood. So it happened that Lucas was your exact type. I tried to stop the transfusion.
[00:39:56] Unknown:
You did?
[00:39:57] Unknown:
Why? I don't know why, Harry. You're gonna be just like Lucas now. But, of course, I I couldn't explain that, so so they went ahead.
[00:40:06] Unknown:
What do you mean? I'm gonna be just like Lucas. You're gonna live forever
[00:40:11] Unknown:
just like him.
[00:40:15] Unknown:
Rosie,
[00:40:17] Unknown:
you you can't believe that. I can and I do.
[00:40:21] Unknown:
I don't wanna live forever. I'm sorry, Harry. Wait. Wait. Wait. Spend the re forever
[00:40:29] Unknown:
going to jail for confidence schemes that don't come off. You could try to become another person, Harry. Yeah. But I can't.
[00:40:37] Unknown:
I can't anymore than Lucas can.
[00:40:40] Unknown:
Well, at least you'll be company for each other. You won't be alone.
[00:40:44] Unknown:
Hey, Rosie.
[00:40:46] Unknown:
This thing, if it's true You know it's true. It has to be true.
[00:40:51] Unknown:
Rosie, come with me. Where? Into well, I guess into forever? Into life eternal?
[00:41:05] Unknown:
No, Harry. No. It's not for me.
[00:41:09] Unknown:
Oh, Rosie. Don't you love me? Oh, I do, Harry.
[00:41:12] Unknown:
But just for one lifetime. And you're gonna spend a lot of this one in jail for that attempted robbery.
[00:41:19] Unknown:
Rosie?
[00:41:20] Unknown:
Besides, a gentleman called on me the other night. Mister Ambrose j Mammon. I believe you know him. Mammon? He's just crazy about this drink I put together.
[00:41:32] Unknown:
Well, that was my elixir of life, the title. Except we're going to call it Pasca.
[00:41:38] Unknown:
It makes a wonderful tonic, Harry. If you don't believe me, ask Lucas.
[00:41:43] Unknown:
Rosie, you can't leave me. Harry,
[00:41:47] Unknown:
you're the one who's going to leave me.
[00:41:49] Unknown:
I could never find anybody like you. Never. Oh, I don't know.
[00:41:54] Unknown:
You're gonna have plenty of time, Harry, to look. You'll have all the time in the world.
[00:42:06] Unknown:
I'll be back shortly with a final thought. If only I had it to do over again. So many of us say that with such heartfelt sincerity, and the implication is that we would do it better and that we would be wiser. But the truth is we would make the same mistakes. Doesn't history keep repeating itself? Our cast included Ralph Bell, Joan Shea, and Ray Owens. Associate director, Marlon Swing. This is Hyman Brown, producer director, inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time then. Pleasant dream.
Bettering your business takes working with the best. With the James Hardie Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking, and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardie Alliance today.
[00:00:25] Unknown:
Come in. Welcome. Welcome to Mystery Theater. I am Hyman Brown. The poet tells us, at the door of life, at the gate of birth, there are worse things waiting for man than death. And well may we ask the poet, what are those worse things? After all, what could be more tragic than to die? And the answer perhaps, it is more tragic not to die when your time has come and your life is over.
[00:01:02] Unknown:
And what are you trying to sell the suckers now? Rosie, this one can't miss.
[00:01:07] Unknown:
You know what I got here? What? Eternal life. So? What do you mean so? I feed you the Blockbuster and all you can give me is so? Oh, I'm not sure how many people would wanna live forever. What are you saying? Wouldn't you? Well,
[00:01:24] Unknown:
I'd have to think about it.
[00:01:32] Unknown:
Our mystery drama, All the Time in the World, was written especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dhan and stars Ralph Bell. I'll be back shortly with act one. In everything we are told, there is a season. There's a time to be born and a time to die. And most of us follow that timetable. We arrive, and we depart pretty much on schedule. Now and again, accidents or ailments or upheavals beyond our control may curtail our visit, but most of us have a pretty good shot at the allotted three score in 10, and many of us do even better. However, sooner or later, the hour must strike for everyone.
Well, doesn't it? They are moving at a brisk pace through the lovely countryside, and it's a beautiful morning.
[00:02:45] Unknown:
Alright, Harry.
[00:02:46] Unknown:
Where are we headed for? Rosie, baby. We are headed for $1,000,000. Sure. Now, but this time, this time it's money in the bank. When can I write a check against it? Hey, Rosie,
[00:02:58] Unknown:
this can't miss. Hold it. That sign, it says Morristown.
[00:03:02] Unknown:
Right? That's exactly what it says. Morristown. Is that where we're going? We'll be there in exactly fifteen minutes. What for? Because that's where the money is. And that's where the state penitentiary
[00:03:14] Unknown:
is.
[00:03:15] Unknown:
Who would know that better than me? We're going to the state pen. Yes, baby. Why? Because he's being sprung today. Who is? A million dollars.
[00:03:25] Unknown:
We're gonna pick him up. If you think you're gonna bring home some bum for me to take care of He's not a bum, Rosie. He's a pal of mine. He's guilty until he can prove himself innocent, which if he's a pal of yours, he will not be able to do. No, Harry. I'm putting my foot down. You turn this car right around now. But, baby, he's got no place else to go. If he's got a million dollars, he can find a place without any trouble. Rosie, I didn't say he's got a million dollars. What I said was
[00:03:53] Unknown:
he is a million dollars. I don't understand you, Harry. Of course not. And I don't understand you either, Rosie. That's what makes our relationship so, what word am I looking for? Doomed. There it is, just up ahead. Yeah. I see it. And there he is standing by the gate. Who? My old buddy,
[00:04:20] Unknown:
Lucas. That's his name? Lucas?
[00:04:22] Unknown:
Lucas what? Well, I don't know if it's his first name or it's his last name. Yeah?
[00:04:27] Unknown:
Well, it would seem to me you don't know him very well. I know him well enough to make a million bucks.
[00:04:33] Unknown:
Hey, Lucas. Hey, up in the back. Attaboy. And we're off. Been waiting long, Lucas? No. Lucas, say hello to Rosie.
[00:04:48] Unknown:
Hello, Rosie.
[00:04:50] Unknown:
My pleasure, I'm sure. So here you are, Lucas,
[00:04:53] Unknown:
with the new suit. Some suit. And a cardboard police and a $20 bill. Right? Yeah. So how does it feel to be out, Lucas? Alright. Hey, Lucas. I'm bet this is the first time you ever rode in an automobile.
[00:05:11] Unknown:
Yeah. I guess so.
[00:05:12] Unknown:
How do you like it?
[00:05:14] Unknown:
It's fun. What have you two guys got going here? A vaudeville routine?
[00:05:19] Unknown:
Hey. Come to think of it, when did Lucas ever have a chance to ride in an automobile,
[00:05:24] Unknown:
Oh, how long has Lucas been in the slammer?
[00:05:27] Unknown:
A long, long time, baby. Yeah? What'd he do?
[00:05:31] Unknown:
Why were you jugged, Lucas?
[00:05:33] Unknown:
This time? I,
[00:05:36] Unknown:
I don't remember. What do you mean you don't remember? Rosie, baby. Not everybody has such a good memory. What does he mean this time? I happen to know his record. This time, he was up for murder. Murder? Yeah. Was during an armed robbery.
[00:05:52] Unknown:
It's coming back to me. I Yeah. I remember now.
[00:05:55] Unknown:
Stop the car this minute. What for? You are not going to bring home any strong arms. Rosie.
[00:06:01] Unknown:
We have to give Lucas a break. No. Now, just look at him. Isn't he the nicest, mildest guy you ever wanna see? He's out. The man paid his debt. He said his time. You spell that, o u t. He did his ninety nine years. And furthermore, if you ever think he he what? He was inside for ninety nine years.
[00:06:23] Unknown:
Harry,
[00:06:25] Unknown:
what kind of double talk are you giving me? This is a man who was sentenced to do ninety nine years. So he did his ninety nine, and here he is. Nobody does ninety nine.
[00:06:37] Unknown:
Here's a man. He looks, what, thirty five, forty, maybe tops.
[00:06:43] Unknown:
How can he have served ninety nine? He's got the documents to prove it. What documents? For the next five years, Lucas has got the report once a month to his parole officer. He's got this card.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
Show him the card, Lucas. Harry. Just look at the card.
[00:06:58] Unknown:
What does it say?
[00:07:00] Unknown:
The state of new
[00:07:01] Unknown:
You see? It's an official document.
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Lucas, sentenced in the year '18 oh, no. They have to be kidding. You're looking at the thing there in black and white, and you still won't believe it. To serve a term of ninety nine years in the state penit no. I still say it can't be. Lucas, how old are you? Oh,
[00:07:25] Unknown:
I don't remember.
[00:07:26] Unknown:
I couldn't believe it myself at first.
[00:07:29] Unknown:
At least a 140 years old. Oh, no.
[00:07:34] Unknown:
What do you mean oh, no? People live that long, don't they? I never heard of it. Besides, he looks younger than you do. Well, so much the better. For what? For our chances of making a million bucks. Oh, yeah.
[00:07:49] Unknown:
How many times have we had this talk before?
[00:07:53] Unknown:
But this time this time, there's a difference. Yeah? What is it? Lucas.
[00:08:02] Unknown:
Alright, mister Lucas. You may put your shirt on.
[00:08:05] Unknown:
Well, doc, what's the verdict? Verdict?
[00:08:09] Unknown:
How old would you say Lucas is? How old?
[00:08:13] Unknown:
Say he has the heart, the lungs, the arteries, all the vital signs of a man in his thirties.
[00:08:19] Unknown:
His thirties. Yeah. Say his late thirties. Uh-huh.
[00:08:24] Unknown:
Thank you, doc. Would, would you make a statement to that effect? I have subjected mister Lucas to a complete physical examination and find him to be in excellent condition. I would state that his health is above average for a man 40 years of age.
[00:08:46] Unknown:
This is the old ballgame, Rosie. Yeah. Well, all I know is this has cost us $75 And there has also been a substantial increase in the grocery bill since Lucas showed up Rosie, you gotta spend money to make money Okay, we're spending it When do we start making it? Tonight. What happens tonight? We go on TV. Who goes on TV?
[00:09:08] Unknown:
Me and Lucas. What for? Honey,
[00:09:11] Unknown:
how do you make money? It beats me. And if you want the truth, it also beats you. You advertise.
[00:09:18] Unknown:
That's right, Rosie. You gotta advertise.
[00:09:21] Unknown:
You know why? Oh, what am I getting into here? This little poem I picked up.
[00:09:27] Unknown:
The codfish lays a thousand eggs. The homely hen lays one. But the codfish never cankels to tell you what she's done. And so we scorn the codfish while the homely hen we prize, which only goes to show you that it pays to advertise.
[00:09:46] Unknown:
Oh, and what are you going to advertise? And where are you gonna get the money to do it? I'll answer the second question first.
[00:09:54] Unknown:
It's free. What's free? Tonight. You're gonna see Lucas on the tube doing a guest shot. Who'd want Lucas for a guest shot? Bonnie Quackenbush.
[00:10:02] Unknown:
That's who. Oh, it figures with all the other fruits and nuts.
[00:10:07] Unknown:
And what is Lucas going to advertise? Lucas is gonna advertise that one commodity for which every single person in the world would give everything he owns. And what is that?
[00:10:16] Unknown:
Eternal life. Eternal life.
[00:10:20] Unknown:
What's with the o? Here, I feed you the blockbusters and all you didn't give me is oh? Eternal life. I'm not sure how many people would really wanna live forever. What are you saying? There's enough suckers out there to add up to a million bucks.
[00:10:43] Unknown:
Hi out there in Doville. It's me again, Bonnie Quackenbush. And look at whom we have for you in the quack pack tonight. Oh, wow. Ain't he a handsome thing? But remember, girls, Bonnie saw him first, and his name is Lucas. Oh, say hello to the pack, Lucas.
[00:11:02] Unknown:
Hello?
[00:11:04] Unknown:
Sexy. Right? Well, here's what's been happening. When the studio pack came in, we asked each and every one to write down how old they thought Lucas is, and I got all the answers right here. And they say, 35, 36, 37. Oh, that's how they've been running, 35 ish. Now all of you, take a good look at Luke and give us your guess. A little speculation music, please. Now are you ready? Have you guessed? What did you come up with? Well, you're wrong. Tell the pack how old you are, Lucas. Go on. Tell them. I, don't remember. Of course not. If I were as old as you, baby, I wouldn't wanna remember either. But here is Lucas's best friend, Harry Barrows. Harry, yak at the pack. Thank you, Bonnie.
[00:12:07] Unknown:
I have here a statement. A signed statement. From a fully ordained doctor of medicine. Which says? Lucas has the body The physical equipment. Of a man in his late late thirties. Go on, Harry. Give us the zinger. If you consult the records of the state penitentiary up at Morristown, you will learn that Lucas has just been discharged from prison. Oh, we certainly hope that Lucas has learned his lesson, don't we? Yes, Bonnie. He certainly did because he had a long time to think about it. So long that he'd even forgotten what he'd actually done. And how long a time was it, Harry? Ninety nine years.
[00:12:47] Unknown:
You are saying then that exactly ninety nine years ago,
[00:12:52] Unknown:
Lucas here was flung into the Bastille. You could look it up. So how old does that make Lucas? Your guess is as good as mine. Hey, Rosie. Hey. Where have you two clowns been? Did you see the show? You know it's 03:00 in the morning. We were hiding out. What for? For? You saw the show. You saw how everybody went crazy. Harry, what is it? I told you. Suddenly, the place was invaded by reporters in the paper, the radio, TV, the whole media. Alright. It's not the pack. What's wrong? We have to leave. Why? Sooner or later, they have to find out where I live. Well, isn't that what you wanted? Nah. Nah. We have to get away. Harry, did you do something wrong? All we did tonight was hook the fish.
Now we have to be very careful how we reel them in. Oh, no. I've heard this one before. Rosie, honey, you have to have faith in me. I know what I'm doing. What are you doing? What are all these moves, this strategy? Honey, we have to go away so that you can mix up a batch of the elixir. The elixir? What elixir? The elixir
[00:14:04] Unknown:
of eternal life. What do I know about mixing up an elixir of eternal life? Rosie, for a girl as smart as you are,
[00:14:12] Unknown:
there's nothing to it. It. Nothing to it at all.
[00:14:20] Unknown:
The elixir of eternal life. Slowly but surely, the outlines of Harry's master plan seems to emerge from the mist, the elixir of eternal life. How would you like to be able to walk into the corner drugstore, point to the shelf, and say, I'll have a bottle of that? The time may be nearer than you think, and then again, it may not. It depends on what happens shortly in act two. What can I tell you? Only what the record states. And what does the record have to say for itself? This, that a man named Lucas was sentenced to serve a term of ninety nine years for armed robbery and murder. Well, the ninety nine years have elapsed, and here is Lucas still alive, looking no older than the day he went in.
They had to set him free, and they did. And here we are.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
What is this elixir of life, Harry? It happens to be a million dollars. Uh-huh. Look, Harry. I'm going on record right now. Please, Rosie. We got no time. We have things to do. I have been through one scheme after another. I lose track of all the hustles, the flim flams, the capers. That doesn't matter. You know why? Rosie, I All your hustles and capers. You know what they all got in common? They don't work. Wrong. They do not work. Never in your life have you ever succeeded in making a dishonest dollar.
[00:16:09] Unknown:
Okay. So if you got no confidence in me, why don't you stick around? Because
[00:16:15] Unknown:
maybe it's your fate. After all, everybody does what he's meant to do. And what was I meant to do? Fail.
[00:16:23] Unknown:
Hey. Look. We have to get out of here. May law. See?
[00:16:26] Unknown:
You go on TV to advertise, to attract attention.
[00:16:30] Unknown:
And then when you get it, you wanna disappear. Now why? Will you start to figure out how the elixir of life eternal should taste while Lucas and I load up the car?
[00:16:48] Unknown:
So what do you think?
[00:16:54] Unknown:
Maybe it's too sweet.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
I'll put in half as much sugar. You know what it needs?
[00:16:59] Unknown:
Maybe it should taste the more mysterious. Mystery. So I'll put in some pepper. Alright. But, come on. We gotta hurry. Why? Because you have to strike while the iron is hot. That's also a very good time to get burned. The elixir of eternal life or of life eternal?
[00:17:17] Unknown:
Which sounds better? Taste it now. Mhmm.
[00:17:25] Unknown:
It's almost there. I tell you, Lucas, she's one in a million. You see, to how many dames could you say mix up a batch of eternal life elixir and an old time at all ever this? Hi. Where do you think you're going? You keep working on the elixir, Rosie. I got a little missionary work to do. Lucas can keep you company.
[00:17:51] Unknown:
So taste this one, Lucas. Oh, no, No big hit either, Well, let me see. Oh, I think I'll put in some honey, some garlic. What else have I got in here? That's How about some vinegar? Yeah. I'll just put in a little bit of everything. Why don't we just run this through the blender? Fros it up a little bit. Yeah. Oh, well, now let me see how our little witch's brew is doing here. What do you say, Lucas? How about a little taste? What do you think?
[00:18:40] Unknown:
Posca.
[00:18:42] Unknown:
I beg your pardon? I You don't have to make such a horrible face.
[00:18:47] Unknown:
Pasca. Pasca,
[00:18:49] Unknown:
What's that supposed to mean? Hey. Wait a second. If it tastes so awful, how come you're drinking the rest of it?
[00:18:56] Unknown:
Some more. More?
[00:18:58] Unknown:
Did you see your face while you were pouring it down? Oh, it's good good
[00:19:02] Unknown:
for you. Good for you? Yeah. I remember that the master would make us drink it whenever we were sick. Uh-oh.
[00:19:11] Unknown:
What is commencing to start here, Lucas? What's with the master bit? Taste.
[00:19:17] Unknown:
I remember the taste. Yeah. It brings everything back. Yesterday, everything was so so dark. I couldn't see back into it. It was so long ago. But now the taste, it's like a knife. It cuts through. You know what I'm saying? No, Lucas. I don't.
[00:19:39] Unknown:
Pasca.
[00:19:41] Unknown:
It was brought into the house of a master by a Greek slave. He called it
[00:19:48] Unknown:
a a posite. Sure. Yeah. Hey, Lucas. Why don't you lie down and take a little nap?
[00:19:54] Unknown:
Lucas. My name was Lucius. I never had another name. I was the illegitimate son of the master and a Lydian slave woman. I remember now. Lucius. And then many years later, it was Klotwig and then Lewis and
[00:20:20] Unknown:
Lucas. Are you trying to tell me what I think you're trying to tell me?
[00:20:26] Unknown:
Oh, I've lived so long, so long. At times when I'm so tired, and I can't remember. But the taste, it brought me back. I'm Lucius. Yeah. Sure. I was born in Rome. Italy. No. No. Rome. It was all Rome. Uh-huh.
[00:20:45] Unknown:
Lucius. When when was this?
[00:20:48] Unknown:
I don't know. What year? Year. I don't remember. Maybe I never knew. How could you not know? People like me, we we didn't know anything. We're just lucky to be alive. Oh, although I'm not so sure that was lucky either. But what did you do? Most of the time, we were hungry. When we got sick, very sick, they'd take us to the master, and he'd give us a posca to drink so we could go back to work. What kind of work? On the farm. It was
[00:21:24] Unknown:
very hard work. And you don't know when it was? What was going on? No.
[00:21:29] Unknown:
No. Every day was the same.
[00:21:32] Unknown:
Lucas, going along with this, how come you're still alive?
[00:21:38] Unknown:
Oh. Oh, well, you see, I was a thief. Yeah? You had to steal to keep alive back then. Well well, most people stole little food from the kitchen, maybe fruit from the trees and so on, but the master knew about it. He he wouldn't let on because he knew you had to. Me, I was different. Different? Yeah. I I I didn't steal just because I was hungry. No? I stole because because I'm a thief.
[00:22:16] Unknown:
Like I can't help myself. Come on, Lucas. You don't expect me to believe that. No. It's true.
[00:22:22] Unknown:
It's in the blood. Like, one man can play music, one man can paint pictures, and I I have to steal. Alright.
[00:22:33] Unknown:
But that still doesn't answer the question. How come you're alive after all this time?
[00:22:40] Unknown:
Because
[00:22:43] Unknown:
Apollo said so.
[00:22:44] Unknown:
Apollo?
[00:22:46] Unknown:
He was one of the gods. Oh, I'm afraid you're only getting yourself in deeper. No. There there was a temple of Apollo in the master's estate. And there was this gold mask of Apollo on the altar, and so I thought I'd steal it. I'd be able to raise enough money to to go somewhere else, start a new life. You sound like a dear friend of mine. But I got caught.
[00:23:08] Unknown:
How did I know?
[00:23:09] Unknown:
I'd always get caught. It figures. The penalty for stealing from the temple of a god was usually death by torture. Please, Lucas. No horrible details. The master said he has offended the god. Let the god decide his punishment. So they loaded me down with chains. I could hardly move. They set me in front of the altar of Apollo. Yeah. It was midnight. Oh, and there was a a terrible storm. I can hear the thunder. Listen. The what? The thunder. Terrible thunder and the lightning.
[00:23:53] Unknown:
Was flashing all around me. Lucas, are you okay? The voice.
[00:23:57] Unknown:
The voice of the god. Listen. You hear it? You hear it? The voice of Apollo.
[00:24:03] Unknown:
Lucius.
[00:24:06] Unknown:
Speed ax mail. Don't you hear it? No. No. I don't hear nothing.
[00:24:11] Unknown:
It's a voice that seems to enter inside your head close through your whole entire body. You just
[00:24:20] Unknown:
feed that slave. You have defiled my temple. Voice
[00:24:29] Unknown:
kept speaking
[00:24:30] Unknown:
inside me. Now just take it easy, Luca.
[00:24:34] Unknown:
Lucius, villain, and slave, scoundrel, and thieves.
[00:24:42] Unknown:
It's alright,
[00:24:44] Unknown:
Luca. You expect the God to follow to sentence you to a horrible death, but any death would be a release and a reward. I sentence you instead to a horrible life, the life of a thief, the life you have always lived, the only life you know. You shall live such a life whatever. You shall be a thief under the rule of all the nations to come. You will live many lives in countries yet to be discovered, but all you shall know of them is the insides of the prisons.
[00:25:40] Unknown:
Lucas? Lucas, you okay? Here. Here. Drink some of this.
[00:25:50] Unknown:
I remember, and the taste made me remember.
[00:25:55] Unknown:
So you have to be a couple of thousand years old. Right? I'm old.
[00:26:02] Unknown:
I'm very old.
[00:26:04] Unknown:
What happened, Lucas? Didn't you ever catch on? Couldn't you see there's no percentage to it? In all these years, couldn't you decide to make something out of yourself? How? How long does a guy have to be a sucker?
[00:26:21] Unknown:
I was born poor, ignorant, slave. I never had a chance to learn anything. All I knew how to do was
[00:26:33] Unknown:
was steal. And you didn't know how to do that too good either. But it's my trade.
[00:26:39] Unknown:
I don't wanna do anything else. Like, the last time I was in prison, it it was for for ninety nine years. Now I'm free. I know I'll have to steal again. Now, Lucas. Now when Harry brought us here to this place, I noticed a store down the road. I know soon, very soon,
[00:27:01] Unknown:
I'm gonna break in there. Lucas, you mustn't. I can't help it. With your luck, you have to get caught.
[00:27:08] Unknown:
It isn't luck. It's fate.
[00:27:19] Unknown:
Now
[00:27:21] Unknown:
this is exactly the way it should taste. This is the elixir of life, a title. And what are you going to do with it? My rosy, honey, we're gonna sell it. Oh, we're gonna sell it, Everybody's seen Lucas on the TV. Everybody knows how old he is. I don't think so. But go ahead. So this is what Lucas drinks. You see? This is the elixir of life eternal.
[00:27:44] Unknown:
Okay? Harry, how do you expect me to make enough of that stuff in a kitchen? Let's see. You got a whole blender full of it?
[00:27:52] Unknown:
That should be more than enough. More than enough for what? More than enough to make a million dollars.
[00:28:02] Unknown:
Our friend Harry certainly has that million dollars on his mind, that million dollars that always seems to elude him. The gold that shines so brightly up ahead but remains ever out of reach. Alright. Is this to be the time? You can see he has quite a bit going for him. Within a few moments, we shall be involved in the third act and the revelation. Gentlemen rankers out on a spree, damned from here to eternity. So wrote mister Kipling, From here to eternity is a long, long, a limitless time, but it seems to be stretching out ahead for our friend Lucas. Our other friend Harry has the idea that he can make a good thing out of it. You mean
[00:29:08] Unknown:
just this picture full of this elixir of life eternal will be enough to make a million bucks? You heard me. How?
[00:29:15] Unknown:
Tell me, Rosie. How would you promote this?
[00:29:19] Unknown:
I would do it the common sense way. Which is? Harry, you went on the TV. You exposed Lucas to millions. Here's a man who is over a 100 and he looks less than 40. Right? Go ahead. Okay. So the roofs are looking at him, Popeye. Now you should say, listen, suckers. Here's the secret. This is Lucas's own secret formula. This is what Lucas drinks every day, this dandy little elixir of life eternal. Here it is. $1, and a million faffs I'll dig down.
[00:29:52] Unknown:
Which means I'd have to go into business. I'd have to buy a million bottles,
[00:29:57] Unknown:
higher labor, get involved with payroll taxes. Okay. You just talked me out of it. Let's forget the whole thing. Lucas is starting to get a funny look in his eyes. I haven't stolen anything
[00:30:08] Unknown:
in ninety nine years. You just control yourself, I'll try. Yeah. But I don't know if I can. Here.
[00:30:15] Unknown:
Drink some of this good old Alextra,
[00:30:18] Unknown:
Why should I try to sell 1,000,000 bottles of $1 apiece when I can sell one bottle for a million dollars? And who's gonna give you $1,000,000? I'll be back within the hour with a certified check. Uh-uh.
[00:30:32] Unknown:
I'm scared. Of what? I don't know. But it's not gonna work. What do you mean it's not gonna work? Rosie, why can't you have faith in me? I have faith in you, Harry. I have faith that you'll go to jail as usual. You see the possibility.
[00:30:46] Unknown:
You see the potential,
[00:30:48] Unknown:
eternal life. How can I miss? You'll find a way, way, Harry. You always do.
[00:30:57] Unknown:
Well, mister Bowers, what is this offer of a lifetime? Mister Maven,
[00:31:02] Unknown:
you've heard of Lucas? He was featured on a Bonnie Quackenbush program. The convict. Yes. Well, mister Mammon, he is more than just a convict. Come to the point. I met mister Lucas five years ago in the state penitentiary.
[00:31:15] Unknown:
Yes. You were serving a term for some hapless confidence scheme that went awry.
[00:31:21] Unknown:
May I ask,
[00:31:23] Unknown:
how you know about that? I know everything about you, mister Powells. When a man expresses a desire to see me on business, I have him investigated minutely. I have a computer operation that can turn your whole life inside out. For instance, I am aware of the fact that when you were in the third grade, you were caught cheating on a spelling test. Wrong. It was arithmetic. No. You were saying, mister Bowles?
[00:31:49] Unknown:
My, my cellmate
[00:31:52] Unknown:
was Lucas. Cell 87 Block C Northwing.
[00:31:56] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, that's when I got to know him and about his incredible age. We became very friendly. And after a while, he revealed a secret to me. His, secret? Yes. It consists of a beverage. Continue. He drinks it every
[00:32:14] Unknown:
day. And you wish to sell me this beverage?
[00:32:19] Unknown:
Yes.
[00:32:19] Unknown:
For $1,000,000? How did you know? Because that is exactly what I should do if I were in your place.
[00:32:27] Unknown:
Well, do you wanna live forever or let us say, indefinitely?
[00:32:34] Unknown:
I would have to take that question under advisement.
[00:32:37] Unknown:
I, have here a sample, mister Mammon. Which could prove what?
[00:32:43] Unknown:
I'll let you have a freed
[00:32:45] Unknown:
taste. Now, sir, drink that down and tell me, doesn't that convince you? The distinctive flavor of it that is truly the elixir of life. You're very clever, mister Burrows. I am offering you more than you could buy anywhere else for your money. Eternal life.
[00:33:08] Unknown:
It's the best confidence operation I've ever encountered. I assure you it's not It's foolproof. Who could ever prove it's a swindle? This is not a swindle. Oh, it is. But how could the victim ever prove it? The victim? As long as he's alive, you're in the clear. He would have to die. Sir, I'm afraid you don't understand. The only thing wrong with it is nobody would want to buy the product.
[00:33:39] Unknown:
Oh, yeah? What's wrong with the product? Eternal life.
[00:33:43] Unknown:
Who really wants it? Why, everybody. Do you? Absolutely. I don't. And I don't know anybody else who does. Oh, a lot of people would like to live forever. Oh, they think they do. Until ten minutes ago, I thought I did too.
[00:34:00] Unknown:
But then when I was confronted with it,
[00:34:03] Unknown:
I really began to think about it. No. Thank you.
[00:34:08] Unknown:
Well, sir, I'm sure I can do business elsewhere.
[00:34:12] Unknown:
Are you? Nickels and dimes maybe? Like a million dollars? Oh, by the way, that little elixir of yours tastes pretty good. Mind if I have another sip?
[00:34:34] Unknown:
Where's the million bucks? Well, Rosie, you Do you have it in one big bill or a lot of little ones? We're having temporary difficulties. Yeah. And it looks like they might become permanent. Oh, come on. What are you saying? It's been on the news about Lucas. What about Lucas? They're saying he's a phony. Who is? Everybody. Your friend Bonnie Quackenbush should be on right now.
[00:34:57] Unknown:
Turn it on. Listen. How could it be a phony? I saw Lucas's records. Yeah. Wow.
[00:35:02] Unknown:
Go figure. Turn on the set.
[00:35:06] Unknown:
Has the pack ever been taking flack? About what? About Lucas? Seems it's a hoax, folks. Yes. Indeed. The show caused so much chatter that we decided to investigate the records at State Pen. Well, it seems that they goofed somehow. A man named Lucas was sent up ninety nine years ago, but he died. I don't know if they buried somebody else or what, but his records got confused. And the man you saw on this show last week wound up with them. Maybe it'll never get straightened out, but one thing for sure, nobody could be a 140 years old and not look it.
[00:35:51] Unknown:
I guess you've heard enough.
[00:35:53] Unknown:
I don't understand it. Eternal life, I thought people would beat down the door to get it. It sounded foolproof to me. It was.
[00:36:00] Unknown:
Only thing wrong with it was you. Me? Yes, Harry. You. It had to fail because you're fated not to be successful as a con artist. It doesn't matter what the hustle is. What kind of talk is that? Fated. It's your destiny. Destiny?
[00:36:17] Unknown:
So the story about Lucas just killed it. That's all. But I should have been home free before it broke. What do you mean before it broke? Were you expecting it to break? Well, sure. Won't you? What do you mean wasn't on? You knew it had to be some kind of swindle. You didn't actually believe Lucas could be a hundred forty years or so old? How could a man that age look an act so young? He's not a 140
[00:36:38] Unknown:
years old. That is definite. Well, that's what I just told you. His real age would be closer to, oh, about 2,200. Twi hey, Rosie. Is this you talking? Those are the facts, Harry. He told me. He told you what? He was born a slave in ancient Rome.
[00:36:57] Unknown:
That's what Lucas told you? Yeah. He remembered,
[00:37:00] Unknown:
and he was a thief. And because he tried to steal something from an ancient god named Apollo, he was condemned to live forever. So why was that a bad deal? As a thief. As a two bit coffee and cake thief. Always in and out of jail. This is what he told you, Yeah. And you believe him? Yes, Harry. I believe him. Where is he? Where's Lucas? Last I saw him, he was in the other room having a nap. Let's get to the bottom of this.
[00:37:27] Unknown:
Lucas? Hey, Lucas. Hey. Wake up, Lucas. He's not here.
[00:37:33] Unknown:
Where would he go? It's nighttime. Harry. I'm scared. Why? He said he hadn't pulled a robbery in ninety nine years, and he just felt well, he felt he couldn't sit still anymore. But where would he go? He said something about the star down the road and how some night he just have to break in there.
[00:37:51] Unknown:
I gotta stop. Harriet, maybe too late? He doesn't have a chance. Old Dobkins, the storekeepers, the deputy sheriff. He sits up all night with a shotgun. Maybe Lucas didn't get there yet, I'll take the car. I'm going with you. Oh, no. Harry. One of us has to stay out of jail. Lucas? Hey, Lucas? It's open. And the door's open. Lucas?
[00:38:31] Unknown:
Is that you, Harry? Hey, Lucas. What what are you doing in here?
[00:38:35] Unknown:
What do you think I'm doing? Are you crazy? Let's get out of here. Let me see if I can find the cash. Hey, Lucas. You're crazy. This is breaking entry. And what's the steal here? You can do 5 to 10 for it. What's ten years? Let's get out of here, would you? Hang on just a second. Stay where you are are in the name of the law. Let's speed it. Paul. Get in the car, Luke. Get out of the car. Hurry up. Paul, in the name of the law.
[00:39:06] Unknown:
Thank you, nurse. Hello, Harry. How do you feel? Different. Yeah. Well, that's to be expected. You've been unconscious for three days? Oh, yeah?
[00:39:23] Unknown:
Well, I I feel different, in a funny kind of way.
[00:39:29] Unknown:
Like what?
[00:39:31] Unknown:
I don't know. It's as if I'm a different kind of person.
[00:39:37] Unknown:
I thought I was dead. Yeah. Well, they all say it's a remarkable recovery. Some even believe it's a miracle. It happened right after the transfusion.
[00:39:48] Unknown:
What transfusion?
[00:39:49] Unknown:
Well, you needed blood. So it happened that Lucas was your exact type. I tried to stop the transfusion.
[00:39:56] Unknown:
You did?
[00:39:57] Unknown:
Why? I don't know why, Harry. You're gonna be just like Lucas now. But, of course, I I couldn't explain that, so so they went ahead.
[00:40:06] Unknown:
What do you mean? I'm gonna be just like Lucas. You're gonna live forever
[00:40:11] Unknown:
just like him.
[00:40:15] Unknown:
Rosie,
[00:40:17] Unknown:
you you can't believe that. I can and I do.
[00:40:21] Unknown:
I don't wanna live forever. I'm sorry, Harry. Wait. Wait. Wait. Spend the re forever
[00:40:29] Unknown:
going to jail for confidence schemes that don't come off. You could try to become another person, Harry. Yeah. But I can't.
[00:40:37] Unknown:
I can't anymore than Lucas can.
[00:40:40] Unknown:
Well, at least you'll be company for each other. You won't be alone.
[00:40:44] Unknown:
Hey, Rosie.
[00:40:46] Unknown:
This thing, if it's true You know it's true. It has to be true.
[00:40:51] Unknown:
Rosie, come with me. Where? Into well, I guess into forever? Into life eternal?
[00:41:05] Unknown:
No, Harry. No. It's not for me.
[00:41:09] Unknown:
Oh, Rosie. Don't you love me? Oh, I do, Harry.
[00:41:12] Unknown:
But just for one lifetime. And you're gonna spend a lot of this one in jail for that attempted robbery.
[00:41:19] Unknown:
Rosie?
[00:41:20] Unknown:
Besides, a gentleman called on me the other night. Mister Ambrose j Mammon. I believe you know him. Mammon? He's just crazy about this drink I put together.
[00:41:32] Unknown:
Well, that was my elixir of life, the title. Except we're going to call it Pasca.
[00:41:38] Unknown:
It makes a wonderful tonic, Harry. If you don't believe me, ask Lucas.
[00:41:43] Unknown:
Rosie, you can't leave me. Harry,
[00:41:47] Unknown:
you're the one who's going to leave me.
[00:41:49] Unknown:
I could never find anybody like you. Never. Oh, I don't know.
[00:41:54] Unknown:
You're gonna have plenty of time, Harry, to look. You'll have all the time in the world.
[00:42:06] Unknown:
I'll be back shortly with a final thought. If only I had it to do over again. So many of us say that with such heartfelt sincerity, and the implication is that we would do it better and that we would be wiser. But the truth is we would make the same mistakes. Doesn't history keep repeating itself? Our cast included Ralph Bell, Joan Shea, and Ray Owens. Associate director, Marlon Swing. This is Hyman Brown, producer director, inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time then. Pleasant dream.
