In this episode, we take a nostalgic journey back to the golden age of radio with a classic broadcast from "Avalon Time." Hosted by Del King, the show features a lively mix of comedy, music, and advertisements, capturing the spirit of the era. Red Skelton, known for his comedic genius, takes center stage with his humorous anecdotes about horse racing and his quirky family members. The episode also includes musical performances by Bob Strong and his orchestra, as well as a delightful rendition of "If I Didn't Care" by Jeanette and the Avalon Chorus.
Listeners are treated to a comedic skit involving Red Skelton inheriting a summer hotel from his uncle, only to find himself in a series of humorous mishaps and misunderstandings. The show is peppered with witty banter and clever wordplay, showcasing the timeless humor that made Red Skelton a beloved figure in entertainment. With its blend of comedy, music, and vintage advertisements, this episode offers a charming glimpse into the entertainment landscape of the past.
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Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:00:42] Unknown:
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir.
[00:00:46] Unknown:
Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost you less.
[00:01:08] Unknown:
Good evening, friends. Good evening. This is Del King saying welcome to Avalon time with Kirk Massey, Edna Stilwell, Jeanette the Avalon Chorus, Bob Strong at his orchestra, and Fred Sheldon. The orchestra opens the program with you as well. Alright.
[00:01:44] Unknown:
Ladies and gentlemen,
[00:01:45] Unknown:
facts prove that every day more and more people are switching to Avalon cigarettes. And it's little wonder. Avalon's are entirely new and different. A cigarette value you could never get before. They're quality cigarettes that cost less, 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. Now don't think lightly of those pennies. The consistent and repeated saving of 3 to 5¢ on every pack you smoke will net you many, many extra dollars every year. And remember this, Avalon's are packed tight. They burn slow and even. You have but to try them to convince yourself that they are a superior quality cigarette. When you can get this unsurpassed quality in union made Avallons for 3 to 5¢ less, why pay more?
The next time, ask for Avallons and save the difference. And now we bring you the only man in radio who uses blanks when he shoots off his mouth, Red Skelton.
[00:03:35] Unknown:
Thank you very much, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I don't care what you say about me, Dale. I feel great tonight. I was out at Arlington Park Racetrack today, and I cleaned dust. What I mean, I cleaned dust. Yeah. I saw you doing your laundry between races. But, Reg, you know, you look awfully tired tonight. Yeah. That race back really tired me out. I was standing over a hot tip all day.
[00:03:58] Unknown:
What tip did you have? Johnstown. Good horse.
[00:04:02] Unknown:
But Sheldon won. Yeah. I know, but he tricked Johnstown. They were coming down the stretch next and next thing. So, Shill Shillerton? He said he Chelidon, he said to Johnstown, he says, would you mind dropping back and see if my journal's straight? Oh, I love those horses. So I pick I do. I pick them. The first horse I picked was a horse named Indigestion. Way ahead of me back then. The first horse I've been on was a horse named Indigestion. He's a cute thing. Now the only way they could get him to run was to have him to take the big box of bipharking of soda. It was a radio fan the horse was. After the race had started, the horse turned to the jockey and then looked up in the grandstand. He says, don't forget folks. We'll be back with you next week at the same time.
I don't know. See, the horse was upset though. It was way back. He was so sway back in the middle of the race, the jockey stumbled. I won't stumble on that one myself. The horse had nice legs, though. Even if they were a little knock knee, little knock knee. That horse was so knock knee. Before you take a step, the right knee called out signal. What a dog. On the way back to the stables, he got picked up by the orphans of the storm storms and stuff. Well, I messed that one up. Well, I had a little trouble after the third race though. I had a hole in my pocket, and when I wasn't looking, some guy came up, stuck his hand in my pocket, and stole my shorts. My uncle was there, you know, the one that drinks all the time. I won't say he was drinking today, but the last I saw him, he he was running around the track with a saddle on his back yelling for the lone ranger.
Said he embarrassed me. Duncan, after the fourth race, they have presented a big cup to the winner, and my uncle was in it. Boy, the way he was hanging over the sides, he looked like he was poor and forgot to say when. I really had a swell time at the race track though. I was sorry I didn't get a chance to bet on a certain horse. A horse named Dizzy Dean. I didn't get a bet on Dizzy. He was scratched. Well, I think I've been galloping around here long enough, so I'll turn the track over to Bob Strong and his musical Blue Blood who will play To You. Go ahead, Bob. Get it, pal. That was the theme song to you from the opera Nurse.
Played by Bob Strong, his flop house fifteen. We call him the flop house fifteen because he favors a quarter rest. No. That was really swell, Bob. But I still don't believe your trumpet player, gets fan mail from Gabriel. Oh, no? Why do you think they wrote that song, And the Angels Swing? And the angels swing. Oh, the devil's with you tonight, Grant. Big thing you know you'd be telling me that you wrote a song called Swing Low Sweet Jitterbuggy. Hey, Red. Red.
[00:10:14] Unknown:
Red. Why don't you leave the music to Barbara to Bob? Because I know more about music than he does. Why? Because you've got a sharp nose and flat speech? Yeah.
[00:10:24] Unknown:
That's Roger, the fiddle player. Good evening, my so so virtuoso. Say, you know, I don't know why you always get so smart around here on Saturday night. I used to play fiddle too. I played by ears.
[00:10:35] Unknown:
I'd have been a success but for one thing. What's that? His ears got caught in the string. Yeah.
[00:10:41] Unknown:
How are you tonight, Edna? Say, I like your hat. Thanks. Looks like two chickens fighting in a plane of spaghetti. Oh, don't worry, Edna. I like it. Thanks, Bob. By the way, what are you doing tonight? Nothing exciting. Oh, a date with Red? Yeah. Now that's enough. I'm gonna settle this once and for all. So look, and I've been wanting to ask you something for a long time. That is,
[00:11:06] Unknown:
would you, well, could you well, oh, gee.
[00:11:11] Unknown:
If a certain girl if I were to ask a certain girl to marry me, do you think she would? Well, don't ask me. Well, I don't know why you're so crazy about Bob Strong. He's too pretty. This guy's got so many weight in jail. Every time he combs it, he gets seasick.
[00:11:33] Unknown:
Oh, don't take it so hard, Red. Say, you know, I just happened to think about something. You had a birthday this week, didn't you? Yeah. That's right. I guess, though. Well, I just wanted to be sure. I didn't know whether it was this week or next week that I planned not to buy you a present. Present.
[00:11:49] Unknown:
Oh, well, Edna didn't forget it was my birthday. She baked me a cake. She did? Why? I didn't know she could cook. Oh, there she a cook. My uncle took a piece of it home to sleep on us, you know, make a wish Yeah. While he put the cake under his pillow, dived in bed, and got a Frankenstein.
[00:12:07] Unknown:
Hey, Skelton. What sign of the zodiac were you born under it? Capricorn?
[00:12:14] Unknown:
No, Roger. I was born under the sign of Panther the Crab and over the sign of Louis the Butcher. Hey. How could I know what sign you were born under, Rogers? Yeah. What? Mickius the Finn. Oh, say I forgot to tell you fellas some terrific news. I got a telegram on my birthday from a lawyer telling me that my long lost uncle had willed me a hotel up in the mountain. Oh, that's swell. Yeah. Your uncle? Mhmm. Oh, really? No. O'Reilly. Anyhow, the anyhow, the wire says I gotta come up right away and take the place over. Say, Red, that reminds me. Weren't you the social director at a summer hotel in a picture called, having a wonderful time? Yeah. That's right, Joe. It was about to see one, you know, two. When was that picture released? Released. I heard it escaped.
[00:13:03] Unknown:
Now that's not so now. I worked off to Ginger Rogers. Yeah. She worked on one side of Zoom and you worked on the other.
[00:13:11] Unknown:
Yeah. Now that's not so either. What was the, picture about, Rhett? Well, it was one of those love triangles. Douglas Fairbanks junior was nuts about Ginger, I was nuts about Ginger, and Ginger was nuts about Sunday.
[00:13:25] Unknown:
As a fiddler, I give that to you one bell.
[00:13:38] Unknown:
Well, too bad you gave me that. It could have been a Nobel Prize. Well, good morning. Then we built my car and go up from my mountain hotel. Say that lawyer's gonna turn the place over to me when I get there. See, I can't help but think of it. This thing will have a place where people can come and get a little sun in there. A little sun in there? Yeah. What is it? A hotel or a hospital? It's time for a Jeanette to sing.
[00:14:20] Unknown:
If I didn't care, it's more than words can say. If I didn't care, would I feel this way If this isn't love, then maybe I'm wrong. But why do I lie awake all night and dream all day long. If I didn't care, would it be the same? Would my every prayer begin an end with just your name. And would I be sure that this is love beyond comfort? Would all this be true if I didn't care for
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you?
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And would I be sure that this is love the uncountable?
[00:16:11] Unknown:
And now let's follow Red Skelton and Edna up into the mountains where Red has gone to claim the summer hotel left to him by his late uncle. There they are now just pulling up in front of the hotel.
[00:16:23] Unknown:
Can't you keep this thing in the middle of the road? No. I washed it today and can't do a thing with it. Well, here she is. They look at it. It looks like a real Swiss chalet. They think we were up in the Alps. Boy, ain't this lovely? Notice the Swiss air about it. Well, if you ask me, it's more like Limburger. Oh, look over there. Two deers. Those are cows, you dopes. Well, that's what I was gonna say. Look at those two dear little cows. Look, a white cow for milk and a brown cow for coffee.
[00:16:58] Unknown:
Here comes somebody that looks like a bellboy. Yeah. Hey. Say hello. Will you take are you the bellboy? Well, I ain't a gong buster.
[00:17:11] Unknown:
Thank you, Lisa. Felt boy. Say, what job will you have next? Oh, good heavens. I don't know. I guess I'm just a jerk of all trades. Well, come on Edna, mister Skelton. Okay. Come on Edna. Say is this hotel run on the American plan or the European plan, Herky? Oh it must be the European plan because there's always somebody fighting in the corridor. How do you like being a bellhop, Herky? Well to tell the truth miss Stillwell, it'd be just ripping if they'd ever get around to tipping. What, no tips? Oh my gracious no. The only time I get any tips is when I go in the dining room and order asparagus. Well, I've come to take over this place, Ricky. Say, have you seen anything of a lawyer around here? A lawyer? Oh, good heavens. That must be that strange creature in the high tailed cat. He talks so much, I'm afraid he's gonna bust the habeas carp, puzzle. Oh, for heaven's sake. There's somebody on the top door ringing for an elevator.
I have to go up and bring him down. Are you the elevator boy too? Stay. There's no elevator in this hotel. Well, I can play piggyback, can I? Good old Hercules. Well, I'll take over behind desk. And let's see. Edna, I tell you, you be the chambermaid. Good afternoon. This is Chalet Dupe on the Bald Eagle now. Bald, Bald Eagle. On the let it go. What's that? You'd like a reservation of what? Oh, positively. We have a bathroom right on the premises. This is the kind of a hotel I've always wanted. Ivy creeping up the walls and rumors creeping down the fire
[00:19:02] Unknown:
chain. Oh, here comes the guest. Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to, the late du pays.
[00:19:06] Unknown:
Oh, good. I'd like a nice room. You'd like a room by the lake? That's all by the week. You see, I would just pay the president of my bank concern, and I I thought I wanted a champagne, and I wanna celebrate.
[00:19:31] Unknown:
Here's the key to 505. I'll have a boy to take your bag out. Your bag out. Say, would you like to have it back? What do you do? Stay home all week and figure those things out? Say, would you like to have the bellboy to call you in the morning? Just, though, I always get up early. Well, then would you mind hauling the bellboy? I mean, Hey, Herky. Show this band up to five zero five. Hey. Come here, Herky. Maybe you'll get a better tip than usual from this guy. Oh, it couldn't be any worse. There ain't nothing less than nothing. Hello. This is the desk.
Hello, fellow. Will you give me groom service? Groom service? You mean room service? No. I want groom service. I got a horse in my room. Maybe I should have used broom. See, Say,
[00:20:36] Unknown:
I guess I'm just no good as a chambermaid. No? No. I tried to make up a couple of beds in 04/2004, but I can't smooth out the lumps. No. Why not? Well, I don't know. You think I should have waited till a guest got up?
[00:20:52] Unknown:
Boy, what a chambermaid.
[00:20:55] Unknown:
Oh, and in one of the rooms, I saw the cutest little things crawling all over the bed.
[00:21:02] Unknown:
Cute little things. Hey, a hanky. Get the exterminator.
[00:21:06] Unknown:
Exterminator? Nothing. It's a summer host company of midgets.
[00:21:12] Unknown:
Oh, midgets. I think I was walking and get a load of them. Just a minute. Just a minute. Well, call me back.
[00:21:18] Unknown:
Tell me my ex wife, please. Esquire. Where did you get the esquire? I still don't know what the news stands. Say, what are you doing up here? What am I doing? Why, I'm your counsel at war.
[00:21:31] Unknown:
You a lawyer? Go on. You were never admitted to the bar. Oh, no. Check out with the bartenders.
[00:21:38] Unknown:
Now Now let's sit down and where's text. This will is now in effect and affects the effects of your mother's defect. It says being sound to mind, sound to body, sound to limb, sound to whim. Okay. Wait a minute. What is this? The case of sound effects? Yes. And I wish you wouldn't please get me all mixed up because I don't know what I'm talking about. You did. Wish you,
[00:21:57] Unknown:
wish you wouldn't please get me old. What do you do? Pick your English up off a Ouija board?
[00:22:02] Unknown:
I'll be serious. Will you read it? It says, I o o o wiley who give will bequeath bestow to wit, whereas and ad lib all my worthy goods, property, estates, belongings, chattels, and struggles in which itself might be a nephew. Look how I spelled nephew. P h o o e y.
[00:22:27] Unknown:
He didn't say that.
[00:22:29] Unknown:
What are you doing? Accusing me of poison? You're talking to others like a shite to lawyer. It's in plain English right here. Here's what it said. It's so fact so noncompass message. I texted I tagged the green and yellow bed. But it's gonna stand out of the Don't get excited. Now let me see. You got your Oh, where was that? Oh, yes. To my nephew, riches, skeletons, you beg, borrow, steal, destroy, for better or worse, rich or poorer, sicker or better, corpus or direct guide, peddler or freimer, vice or braces, six separate, tire range, and impuriate.
[00:23:04] Unknown:
Oh, boy. I said I'm out. Well, give me a glass of water.
[00:23:09] Unknown:
Not that perfectly clear? No. Good. Then I'll be a successful lawyer. Yes.
[00:23:14] Unknown:
Well, I got a lot of right to do. You know, you must have left about a thousand clocks and I gotta go
[00:23:20] Unknown:
and
[00:23:21] Unknown:
wind up the estate. What a lawyer that guy is? Pardon me.
[00:23:30] Unknown:
Well, I have the key to five zero five. Yeah. I can't get any key to that room. There's a big executive up there celebrating. I know. That's me. You don't. I just fell out of the window.
[00:23:45] Unknown:
Hey, Zed. Is there a doctor in the house? No. What's the matter? Well, a fellow dining room has granulated eyelids. Granulated eyelids? Is that serious? Not very. A guy tried to flirt with me and I found him with a sugar bowl.
[00:23:59] Unknown:
What were you doing in the dining room anyhow? I'm waiting on Sable.
[00:24:04] Unknown:
You mean waiting on Sable? I said Sable. They eat like horses.
[00:24:10] Unknown:
I'll go back in there and taste. Now now let's see. What was that?
[00:24:16] Unknown:
Hello. Hello, mister Scouten? Hey. Is that you on the phone, Hucky? Well, I ain't Alexander Graham Amici.
[00:24:24] Unknown:
Hey. What are you doing up in Room 328? Well, the man in this room just got it gone. What do I do? All up at Chicago Cubs and see if there's a picture missing. Hey. Looks like Dizzy's pitching a double header in this script. Hey. You and what are you doing, sir? Me? I'm Red Shelton. It's the hotel. That's me for my uncle, O. O. O'Reilly. Who are you? I am O. O. O'Reilly. I'm pleased to meet
[00:25:08] Unknown:
Uh-oh,
[00:25:09] Unknown:
mister O'Reilly. You see, mister O'Reilly, see how quick I executed the will? You're putting up this. Now look, Tommy. What's the idea of bringing me up here and telling me I got a hotel and the guy's still alive? Well, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't get excited about it in court. I know I got you in this mess and I'm gonna hit you in it. Yes. Look. My uncle's still alive. What are we gonna do? Go stay in there like a dog. Suggest something. It's a marvelous night for a murder. Yes. You never You're gonna cut me out of the will without a sit. You wouldn't dare.
Now listen. I got this hotel. I'm gonna keep it. Right. You and and see, I I'll I'll see you in court. That's what I'll do. I'll be there. If if I lose there, I'll sue you in supreme court. Yeah. Well, I'll be there. And if I lose this hotel, I'll see you in Hades. Yeah. I'll be my lawyer will be there.
[00:26:14] Unknown:
And now a song symbolic of the Western Plains, sung for you by a boy raised on the Western Plains. Kirk Massey in the Avalon Chorus singing my little buckaroos.
[00:26:31] Unknown:
Close your sleepy eyes, my little buck of grueling. While the light of western skies is hanging down on you.
[00:28:01] Unknown:
Close your sleepy eyes,
[00:28:04] Unknown:
my little
[00:29:04] Unknown:
Old Scotty McCabbage is a mighty shrewd buyer. And the first time he tried Avalon cigarettes, he said, Hootsman, what a bargain. And he meant never in all his experience that he found such a big cigarette. And you'll say the very same thing the first time you try Avalon. Avalon's are quality cigarettes. Yes. Highest quality, and still they cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. 3 to 5¢ less for cigarettes that are unsurpassed. Unsurpassed in fine quality Turkish and domestic tobaccos, and unsurpassed in real smoking enjoyment.
Friends, don't miss out on union made Avalon's, the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Why not try a pack tonight? Well, there goes another clambake, Dells. Yes, Fred. That finishes it. But listen. What's gonna happen if you lose your summer hotel? Where will you live? That's easy. You just go back to where Spadden sells.
[00:30:19] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, it was good enough for father. It's good enough for me. Good night, folks. I'll see you next
[00:30:29] Unknown:
week. Remember, friends, during the week when you ask for Avalon
[00:30:34] Unknown:
Don't you get your change?
[00:30:47] Unknown:
Yes. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost only 10¢ plus city or state tax. Be with us next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon
[00:31:13] Unknown:
Pine.
[00:31:29] Unknown:
WEAF, New York, 9 PM, B U L 0 V A, Boulevard watch time. W e a f, New York. Nine PM, b u l o v a, Boulevard watch time.
[00:31:45] Unknown:
Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to Chumbacasino.com. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games, like spin slots, bingo, and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com
[00:32:06] Unknown:
now and live the chumba life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply.
Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo, and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com
[00:00:20] Unknown:
now and live the chumba life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply.
[00:00:42] Unknown:
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir.
[00:00:46] Unknown:
Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost you less.
[00:01:08] Unknown:
Good evening, friends. Good evening. This is Del King saying welcome to Avalon time with Kirk Massey, Edna Stilwell, Jeanette the Avalon Chorus, Bob Strong at his orchestra, and Fred Sheldon. The orchestra opens the program with you as well. Alright.
[00:01:44] Unknown:
Ladies and gentlemen,
[00:01:45] Unknown:
facts prove that every day more and more people are switching to Avalon cigarettes. And it's little wonder. Avalon's are entirely new and different. A cigarette value you could never get before. They're quality cigarettes that cost less, 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. Now don't think lightly of those pennies. The consistent and repeated saving of 3 to 5¢ on every pack you smoke will net you many, many extra dollars every year. And remember this, Avalon's are packed tight. They burn slow and even. You have but to try them to convince yourself that they are a superior quality cigarette. When you can get this unsurpassed quality in union made Avallons for 3 to 5¢ less, why pay more?
The next time, ask for Avallons and save the difference. And now we bring you the only man in radio who uses blanks when he shoots off his mouth, Red Skelton.
[00:03:35] Unknown:
Thank you very much, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I don't care what you say about me, Dale. I feel great tonight. I was out at Arlington Park Racetrack today, and I cleaned dust. What I mean, I cleaned dust. Yeah. I saw you doing your laundry between races. But, Reg, you know, you look awfully tired tonight. Yeah. That race back really tired me out. I was standing over a hot tip all day.
[00:03:58] Unknown:
What tip did you have? Johnstown. Good horse.
[00:04:02] Unknown:
But Sheldon won. Yeah. I know, but he tricked Johnstown. They were coming down the stretch next and next thing. So, Shill Shillerton? He said he Chelidon, he said to Johnstown, he says, would you mind dropping back and see if my journal's straight? Oh, I love those horses. So I pick I do. I pick them. The first horse I picked was a horse named Indigestion. Way ahead of me back then. The first horse I've been on was a horse named Indigestion. He's a cute thing. Now the only way they could get him to run was to have him to take the big box of bipharking of soda. It was a radio fan the horse was. After the race had started, the horse turned to the jockey and then looked up in the grandstand. He says, don't forget folks. We'll be back with you next week at the same time.
I don't know. See, the horse was upset though. It was way back. He was so sway back in the middle of the race, the jockey stumbled. I won't stumble on that one myself. The horse had nice legs, though. Even if they were a little knock knee, little knock knee. That horse was so knock knee. Before you take a step, the right knee called out signal. What a dog. On the way back to the stables, he got picked up by the orphans of the storm storms and stuff. Well, I messed that one up. Well, I had a little trouble after the third race though. I had a hole in my pocket, and when I wasn't looking, some guy came up, stuck his hand in my pocket, and stole my shorts. My uncle was there, you know, the one that drinks all the time. I won't say he was drinking today, but the last I saw him, he he was running around the track with a saddle on his back yelling for the lone ranger.
Said he embarrassed me. Duncan, after the fourth race, they have presented a big cup to the winner, and my uncle was in it. Boy, the way he was hanging over the sides, he looked like he was poor and forgot to say when. I really had a swell time at the race track though. I was sorry I didn't get a chance to bet on a certain horse. A horse named Dizzy Dean. I didn't get a bet on Dizzy. He was scratched. Well, I think I've been galloping around here long enough, so I'll turn the track over to Bob Strong and his musical Blue Blood who will play To You. Go ahead, Bob. Get it, pal. That was the theme song to you from the opera Nurse.
Played by Bob Strong, his flop house fifteen. We call him the flop house fifteen because he favors a quarter rest. No. That was really swell, Bob. But I still don't believe your trumpet player, gets fan mail from Gabriel. Oh, no? Why do you think they wrote that song, And the Angels Swing? And the angels swing. Oh, the devil's with you tonight, Grant. Big thing you know you'd be telling me that you wrote a song called Swing Low Sweet Jitterbuggy. Hey, Red. Red.
[00:10:14] Unknown:
Red. Why don't you leave the music to Barbara to Bob? Because I know more about music than he does. Why? Because you've got a sharp nose and flat speech? Yeah.
[00:10:24] Unknown:
That's Roger, the fiddle player. Good evening, my so so virtuoso. Say, you know, I don't know why you always get so smart around here on Saturday night. I used to play fiddle too. I played by ears.
[00:10:35] Unknown:
I'd have been a success but for one thing. What's that? His ears got caught in the string. Yeah.
[00:10:41] Unknown:
How are you tonight, Edna? Say, I like your hat. Thanks. Looks like two chickens fighting in a plane of spaghetti. Oh, don't worry, Edna. I like it. Thanks, Bob. By the way, what are you doing tonight? Nothing exciting. Oh, a date with Red? Yeah. Now that's enough. I'm gonna settle this once and for all. So look, and I've been wanting to ask you something for a long time. That is,
[00:11:06] Unknown:
would you, well, could you well, oh, gee.
[00:11:11] Unknown:
If a certain girl if I were to ask a certain girl to marry me, do you think she would? Well, don't ask me. Well, I don't know why you're so crazy about Bob Strong. He's too pretty. This guy's got so many weight in jail. Every time he combs it, he gets seasick.
[00:11:33] Unknown:
Oh, don't take it so hard, Red. Say, you know, I just happened to think about something. You had a birthday this week, didn't you? Yeah. That's right. I guess, though. Well, I just wanted to be sure. I didn't know whether it was this week or next week that I planned not to buy you a present. Present.
[00:11:49] Unknown:
Oh, well, Edna didn't forget it was my birthday. She baked me a cake. She did? Why? I didn't know she could cook. Oh, there she a cook. My uncle took a piece of it home to sleep on us, you know, make a wish Yeah. While he put the cake under his pillow, dived in bed, and got a Frankenstein.
[00:12:07] Unknown:
Hey, Skelton. What sign of the zodiac were you born under it? Capricorn?
[00:12:14] Unknown:
No, Roger. I was born under the sign of Panther the Crab and over the sign of Louis the Butcher. Hey. How could I know what sign you were born under, Rogers? Yeah. What? Mickius the Finn. Oh, say I forgot to tell you fellas some terrific news. I got a telegram on my birthday from a lawyer telling me that my long lost uncle had willed me a hotel up in the mountain. Oh, that's swell. Yeah. Your uncle? Mhmm. Oh, really? No. O'Reilly. Anyhow, the anyhow, the wire says I gotta come up right away and take the place over. Say, Red, that reminds me. Weren't you the social director at a summer hotel in a picture called, having a wonderful time? Yeah. That's right, Joe. It was about to see one, you know, two. When was that picture released? Released. I heard it escaped.
[00:13:03] Unknown:
Now that's not so now. I worked off to Ginger Rogers. Yeah. She worked on one side of Zoom and you worked on the other.
[00:13:11] Unknown:
Yeah. Now that's not so either. What was the, picture about, Rhett? Well, it was one of those love triangles. Douglas Fairbanks junior was nuts about Ginger, I was nuts about Ginger, and Ginger was nuts about Sunday.
[00:13:25] Unknown:
As a fiddler, I give that to you one bell.
[00:13:38] Unknown:
Well, too bad you gave me that. It could have been a Nobel Prize. Well, good morning. Then we built my car and go up from my mountain hotel. Say that lawyer's gonna turn the place over to me when I get there. See, I can't help but think of it. This thing will have a place where people can come and get a little sun in there. A little sun in there? Yeah. What is it? A hotel or a hospital? It's time for a Jeanette to sing.
[00:14:20] Unknown:
If I didn't care, it's more than words can say. If I didn't care, would I feel this way If this isn't love, then maybe I'm wrong. But why do I lie awake all night and dream all day long. If I didn't care, would it be the same? Would my every prayer begin an end with just your name. And would I be sure that this is love beyond comfort? Would all this be true if I didn't care for
[00:15:26] Unknown:
you?
[00:15:41] Unknown:
And would I be sure that this is love the uncountable?
[00:16:11] Unknown:
And now let's follow Red Skelton and Edna up into the mountains where Red has gone to claim the summer hotel left to him by his late uncle. There they are now just pulling up in front of the hotel.
[00:16:23] Unknown:
Can't you keep this thing in the middle of the road? No. I washed it today and can't do a thing with it. Well, here she is. They look at it. It looks like a real Swiss chalet. They think we were up in the Alps. Boy, ain't this lovely? Notice the Swiss air about it. Well, if you ask me, it's more like Limburger. Oh, look over there. Two deers. Those are cows, you dopes. Well, that's what I was gonna say. Look at those two dear little cows. Look, a white cow for milk and a brown cow for coffee.
[00:16:58] Unknown:
Here comes somebody that looks like a bellboy. Yeah. Hey. Say hello. Will you take are you the bellboy? Well, I ain't a gong buster.
[00:17:11] Unknown:
Thank you, Lisa. Felt boy. Say, what job will you have next? Oh, good heavens. I don't know. I guess I'm just a jerk of all trades. Well, come on Edna, mister Skelton. Okay. Come on Edna. Say is this hotel run on the American plan or the European plan, Herky? Oh it must be the European plan because there's always somebody fighting in the corridor. How do you like being a bellhop, Herky? Well to tell the truth miss Stillwell, it'd be just ripping if they'd ever get around to tipping. What, no tips? Oh my gracious no. The only time I get any tips is when I go in the dining room and order asparagus. Well, I've come to take over this place, Ricky. Say, have you seen anything of a lawyer around here? A lawyer? Oh, good heavens. That must be that strange creature in the high tailed cat. He talks so much, I'm afraid he's gonna bust the habeas carp, puzzle. Oh, for heaven's sake. There's somebody on the top door ringing for an elevator.
I have to go up and bring him down. Are you the elevator boy too? Stay. There's no elevator in this hotel. Well, I can play piggyback, can I? Good old Hercules. Well, I'll take over behind desk. And let's see. Edna, I tell you, you be the chambermaid. Good afternoon. This is Chalet Dupe on the Bald Eagle now. Bald, Bald Eagle. On the let it go. What's that? You'd like a reservation of what? Oh, positively. We have a bathroom right on the premises. This is the kind of a hotel I've always wanted. Ivy creeping up the walls and rumors creeping down the fire
[00:19:02] Unknown:
chain. Oh, here comes the guest. Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to, the late du pays.
[00:19:06] Unknown:
Oh, good. I'd like a nice room. You'd like a room by the lake? That's all by the week. You see, I would just pay the president of my bank concern, and I I thought I wanted a champagne, and I wanna celebrate.
[00:19:31] Unknown:
Here's the key to 505. I'll have a boy to take your bag out. Your bag out. Say, would you like to have it back? What do you do? Stay home all week and figure those things out? Say, would you like to have the bellboy to call you in the morning? Just, though, I always get up early. Well, then would you mind hauling the bellboy? I mean, Hey, Herky. Show this band up to five zero five. Hey. Come here, Herky. Maybe you'll get a better tip than usual from this guy. Oh, it couldn't be any worse. There ain't nothing less than nothing. Hello. This is the desk.
Hello, fellow. Will you give me groom service? Groom service? You mean room service? No. I want groom service. I got a horse in my room. Maybe I should have used broom. See, Say,
[00:20:36] Unknown:
I guess I'm just no good as a chambermaid. No? No. I tried to make up a couple of beds in 04/2004, but I can't smooth out the lumps. No. Why not? Well, I don't know. You think I should have waited till a guest got up?
[00:20:52] Unknown:
Boy, what a chambermaid.
[00:20:55] Unknown:
Oh, and in one of the rooms, I saw the cutest little things crawling all over the bed.
[00:21:02] Unknown:
Cute little things. Hey, a hanky. Get the exterminator.
[00:21:06] Unknown:
Exterminator? Nothing. It's a summer host company of midgets.
[00:21:12] Unknown:
Oh, midgets. I think I was walking and get a load of them. Just a minute. Just a minute. Well, call me back.
[00:21:18] Unknown:
Tell me my ex wife, please. Esquire. Where did you get the esquire? I still don't know what the news stands. Say, what are you doing up here? What am I doing? Why, I'm your counsel at war.
[00:21:31] Unknown:
You a lawyer? Go on. You were never admitted to the bar. Oh, no. Check out with the bartenders.
[00:21:38] Unknown:
Now Now let's sit down and where's text. This will is now in effect and affects the effects of your mother's defect. It says being sound to mind, sound to body, sound to limb, sound to whim. Okay. Wait a minute. What is this? The case of sound effects? Yes. And I wish you wouldn't please get me all mixed up because I don't know what I'm talking about. You did. Wish you,
[00:21:57] Unknown:
wish you wouldn't please get me old. What do you do? Pick your English up off a Ouija board?
[00:22:02] Unknown:
I'll be serious. Will you read it? It says, I o o o wiley who give will bequeath bestow to wit, whereas and ad lib all my worthy goods, property, estates, belongings, chattels, and struggles in which itself might be a nephew. Look how I spelled nephew. P h o o e y.
[00:22:27] Unknown:
He didn't say that.
[00:22:29] Unknown:
What are you doing? Accusing me of poison? You're talking to others like a shite to lawyer. It's in plain English right here. Here's what it said. It's so fact so noncompass message. I texted I tagged the green and yellow bed. But it's gonna stand out of the Don't get excited. Now let me see. You got your Oh, where was that? Oh, yes. To my nephew, riches, skeletons, you beg, borrow, steal, destroy, for better or worse, rich or poorer, sicker or better, corpus or direct guide, peddler or freimer, vice or braces, six separate, tire range, and impuriate.
[00:23:04] Unknown:
Oh, boy. I said I'm out. Well, give me a glass of water.
[00:23:09] Unknown:
Not that perfectly clear? No. Good. Then I'll be a successful lawyer. Yes.
[00:23:14] Unknown:
Well, I got a lot of right to do. You know, you must have left about a thousand clocks and I gotta go
[00:23:20] Unknown:
and
[00:23:21] Unknown:
wind up the estate. What a lawyer that guy is? Pardon me.
[00:23:30] Unknown:
Well, I have the key to five zero five. Yeah. I can't get any key to that room. There's a big executive up there celebrating. I know. That's me. You don't. I just fell out of the window.
[00:23:45] Unknown:
Hey, Zed. Is there a doctor in the house? No. What's the matter? Well, a fellow dining room has granulated eyelids. Granulated eyelids? Is that serious? Not very. A guy tried to flirt with me and I found him with a sugar bowl.
[00:23:59] Unknown:
What were you doing in the dining room anyhow? I'm waiting on Sable.
[00:24:04] Unknown:
You mean waiting on Sable? I said Sable. They eat like horses.
[00:24:10] Unknown:
I'll go back in there and taste. Now now let's see. What was that?
[00:24:16] Unknown:
Hello. Hello, mister Scouten? Hey. Is that you on the phone, Hucky? Well, I ain't Alexander Graham Amici.
[00:24:24] Unknown:
Hey. What are you doing up in Room 328? Well, the man in this room just got it gone. What do I do? All up at Chicago Cubs and see if there's a picture missing. Hey. Looks like Dizzy's pitching a double header in this script. Hey. You and what are you doing, sir? Me? I'm Red Shelton. It's the hotel. That's me for my uncle, O. O. O'Reilly. Who are you? I am O. O. O'Reilly. I'm pleased to meet
[00:25:08] Unknown:
Uh-oh,
[00:25:09] Unknown:
mister O'Reilly. You see, mister O'Reilly, see how quick I executed the will? You're putting up this. Now look, Tommy. What's the idea of bringing me up here and telling me I got a hotel and the guy's still alive? Well, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't get excited about it in court. I know I got you in this mess and I'm gonna hit you in it. Yes. Look. My uncle's still alive. What are we gonna do? Go stay in there like a dog. Suggest something. It's a marvelous night for a murder. Yes. You never You're gonna cut me out of the will without a sit. You wouldn't dare.
Now listen. I got this hotel. I'm gonna keep it. Right. You and and see, I I'll I'll see you in court. That's what I'll do. I'll be there. If if I lose there, I'll sue you in supreme court. Yeah. Well, I'll be there. And if I lose this hotel, I'll see you in Hades. Yeah. I'll be my lawyer will be there.
[00:26:14] Unknown:
And now a song symbolic of the Western Plains, sung for you by a boy raised on the Western Plains. Kirk Massey in the Avalon Chorus singing my little buckaroos.
[00:26:31] Unknown:
Close your sleepy eyes, my little buck of grueling. While the light of western skies is hanging down on you.
[00:28:01] Unknown:
Close your sleepy eyes,
[00:28:04] Unknown:
my little
[00:29:04] Unknown:
Old Scotty McCabbage is a mighty shrewd buyer. And the first time he tried Avalon cigarettes, he said, Hootsman, what a bargain. And he meant never in all his experience that he found such a big cigarette. And you'll say the very same thing the first time you try Avalon. Avalon's are quality cigarettes. Yes. Highest quality, and still they cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. 3 to 5¢ less for cigarettes that are unsurpassed. Unsurpassed in fine quality Turkish and domestic tobaccos, and unsurpassed in real smoking enjoyment.
Friends, don't miss out on union made Avalon's, the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Why not try a pack tonight? Well, there goes another clambake, Dells. Yes, Fred. That finishes it. But listen. What's gonna happen if you lose your summer hotel? Where will you live? That's easy. You just go back to where Spadden sells.
[00:30:19] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, it was good enough for father. It's good enough for me. Good night, folks. I'll see you next
[00:30:29] Unknown:
week. Remember, friends, during the week when you ask for Avalon
[00:30:34] Unknown:
Don't you get your change?
[00:30:47] Unknown:
Yes. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost only 10¢ plus city or state tax. Be with us next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon
[00:31:13] Unknown:
Pine.
[00:31:29] Unknown:
WEAF, New York, 9 PM, B U L 0 V A, Boulevard watch time. W e a f, New York. Nine PM, b u l o v a, Boulevard watch time.
[00:31:45] Unknown:
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Introduction to Avalon Time
Avalon Cigarettes Promotion
Red Skelton's Comedy Routine
Musical Interlude by Bob Strong
Red Skelton's Birthday and Hotel Inheritance
The Hotel Adventure Begins
Legal Confusion and Comedy
Musical Performance by Kirk Massey
Final Cigarette Promotion and Closing Remarks
