In this lively episode of Avalon Time, join the charismatic Red Skelton and his ensemble cast, including Dick Todd, Edna Stilwell, and Bob Strong's orchestra, as they bring humor and music to the airwaves. Red Skelton opens the show with his signature comedic style, sharing anecdotes about his haircut and adventures at the automobile show. The episode is peppered with witty exchanges and humorous sketches, including a slice of life scene set in a bustling department store, showcasing the comedic talents of the cast.
Musical interludes are provided by Dick Todd, who serenades the audience with "Good Night, My Beautiful," and the Avalon Chorus, who perform "We'll Rest at the End of the Trail." The episode also features a humorous segment with Hercules, a self-proclaimed Hollywood personality, adding to the variety and entertainment. Throughout the show, the cast engages in playful banter, ensuring a delightful listening experience for all.
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[00:00:01]
Unknown:
GEICO makes it easy to get affordable renter's insurance in as little as ninety seconds. And then you'll start to wonder why everything else isn't so fast. Like, why does it take so long to do the dishes? A meal that's gone in three requires forty five minutes worth of dishes. Doesn't make sense. But it does make sense to get renter's insurance through GEICO. That way, that pile of dirty dishes and the other things you love are covered. Get more with GEICO.
[00:00:26] Unknown:
W e a f, New York. Eight thirty PM, b u l o z a, Boulevard watch time. Boulevard masterpiece of fine watchmaking.
[00:00:45] Unknown:
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir.
[00:00:49] Unknown:
Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You've never guessed, but Avalons cost you less.
[00:01:10] Unknown:
Saying, welcome to Avalon time featuring radio's red headed ragamuffin, Richard Red Skelton with Dick Todd, Edna Stilwell, Bud Hercules Vandover, the Avalon chorus and Bob Strong's orchestra opening the program with good morning. When we say you'd never guess Avalon's cost you less, we mean just exactly that. Judging by the quality, you'd never guess Avalon's cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. They're union made from a blend of the choice Turkish and domestic tobaccos. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarettes regardless of price, regardless of brand.
Never before has a price so low bought this unexcelled Avalon quality. The next time try Avalon cigarettes. And now we'd like you to meet a man with a million dollar smile, a million dollar personality and a two bit haircut. Red Sheldon.
[00:04:12] Unknown:
Thank you very much. Thank you.
[00:04:15] Unknown:
Thank you. And good evening, ladies and gentlemen. So you noticed my haircut. Hey, Del? Mhmm. How you like it? I think it's fine. But where are your ears? I got them in my pocket. Say, can I help it if my mother's just learning?
[00:04:28] Unknown:
Well, you look better that way. Well, thanks. Listen, Red, seriously, have you been to the automobile show yet? Yeah. I've been to the automobile show.
[00:04:37] Unknown:
Yeah. I just got back from there. You see, I do a lot of walking, and I wanted to see what car I'd look good under. They have one big foreign car over there. You can tell it's a foreign car. They can't keep it in neutral. I think I'll have to get a new car soon. My car is getting a little loose in places. In fact, every time I go over a bumpy road, the knee action keeps hitting me under the chin. But it runs nice, though. In fact, it's the only car in Chicago that runs by remote control from the finance company. You get more than five blocks away, they press a button and the wheels fall off.
It's not much of a car, but it's good enough to walk around town in. I really went over to the automobile show, though, to see well, look who just came in. Dick Todd. Yeah. How are you tonight, Dick? Say, you look a little tired tonight. What's the matter? Well, I've been up all night worrying about Sally Rand. Yeah?
[00:05:38] Unknown:
You know, she just declared bankruptcy.
[00:05:40] Unknown:
Yeah. Poor Sally. Fanned out. Well, what's your first song tonight, Dick? Tonight, my beautiful from George White Scandal. Okay, Dick. Watch him, girl. He's got a gleam in his voice. Sing it, boy.
[00:06:06] Unknown:
Good night, my beautiful. Just being with you is so beautiful and tearing away from your arms is not easy to do. Good night, my wonderful. There's nobody who's so wonderful. Each moment with you is like living a dream come true. So hold me close to you, fighting is such sweet sorrow. Your love is all I have to wait and for tomorrow. Good night, my beautiful. The night will be lonely but beautiful when I am alone with my wonderful dreams of Good night, my beautiful love. The night will be lonely but beautiful when I am alone with my wonderful dreams of you.
[00:08:11] Unknown:
That was good night, my beautiful, sung by Dick Todd, the ladies choice for mayor. Mayor. He's young too. Oh, say, Dick, with you, Bob Strong, and me on this program, that makes us young, strong, and handsome. Who's handsome? Yeah. I was talking to Dick Todd. How are you, Edna? It's a nice dress you have on, and wait for Cuse.
[00:08:31] Unknown:
Well, when do I come in? Top of page
[00:08:35] Unknown:
six. That was Edna Stilwell, folks. We call her fast, witty, and punchy. Everybody on this program has nicknames. It's a funny thing. Bob Strong, they call dark, tall, and handsome. And Dick Todd is, broad, blonde and dashing. And me, the say, I must be something. What am I? Thick, red and rancid. Yes. Oh, wait a minute, Del. What is this? Why does everybody get the idea it's mutiny. It's propaganda. I'd even say it was sabotage. I knew what the word meant.
[00:09:12] Unknown:
It's the top of page six. Can I come in now? Yes.
[00:09:17] Unknown:
Yes, Sydney. You're just in time. We're going to do a slice of life. And tonight Who's that guy? I asked this.
[00:09:23] Unknown:
Oh, come in. Mister Scouten, I want you to meet my brother. Your brother? Yes. He's an ex athlete. An ex athlete? Yeah. In 1930, I was a rum runner. Yes.
[00:09:36] Unknown:
Very funny. Stick around to laugh at the program, dear brother. I'd like to run through your curly hair and my football shoes. Why,
[00:09:45] Unknown:
Now brother, don't antagonize mister Skelton. Remember, the world's made up of all kinds of people. Yes. Mister Scout, my brother wants a job as your press agent and your personal manager. What? Yeah. He wants to take care of everything for you. Yeah. I take care of everything.
[00:10:03] Unknown:
Oh, by the way, here's your laundry. It just came back. My laundry? It can't be. I just sent it out an hour ago. I know. They refused it. Yeah. Where do you get those jokes out of a silo? I don't need a publicity man. My picture was in every paper this morning. Yeah. I saw it. What a picture. And underneath it says, don't let this happen to you. Now I'll get you good publicity. I'll put your name in lights. Hey. Maybe you got something there. Stelt with a publicity man. Gee. Already, I can see my name in lights. Are they over a theater? No. They're over a well, it's good enough to start with, though. And now, Skelton, we're going to work. Yeah? First, we'll take the initials off the side of your car and put on two foot neon letters. Red Shelton, comedian, question mark. Yeah.
Why a question mark? That's so your fans won't think you're conceited. Oh. And next, we'll put your name on every Avalon cigarette. Alright. I'll buy wine. So your name will be in everybody's mouth. And next, we'll go to work on this program. Mhmm. It's supposed to be a variety show, ain't it? Yeah. Well, where are the guest stars? Guest stars? Now on the way over here, I took it upon myself to hire a real Hollywood personality. A real Hollywood personality? Sure. Geez. Somebody from Hollywood on our program. Where did you get him? MGM. Mhmm. Metropolitan mayor? No. My grandmother's. Yeah.
I never met so many comedians in all my life. Everybody on this program's funny but me. Even Bob Strong thinks he's an old cut up because he's doing the woodchoppers bowl. Play it Bob before the termites beat you to it.
[00:14:14] Unknown:
Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard a lot lately about the little man who wasn't there. Well I saw him the other day and asked him where he's been and he said,
[00:14:23] Unknown:
I'll tell you, I'll tell you where I've been. I've been out after Avalon cigarettes. Can't stay any longer, going out after another pack right now.
[00:14:35] Unknown:
And friends that's mighty good advice for all of you too. Right after this program tonight get a pack of Avalon's, cigarettes that are second to none in quality but cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular priced brands. Remember, Avalon's, the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Be sure to give them a trial tonight. You'd never guess they cost you less. Now, that was very well spoken there Dale. I see you got your bridge fixed. No, no Red, I just had my girder adjusted.
[00:15:07] Unknown:
Therese, you look rather worried. You really do. My goodness. What's the matter? Well, I am a little worried. My new publicity man hired a guest star and he hasn't arrived yet. Where's the guest star from? Hollywood. Hollywood? Yeah. Hollywood. That's a suburb of Hetty Lamar.
[00:15:22] Unknown:
Gee. I've always wanted to meet a big shot from Hollywood. Yeah. Well, I like that. I made a picture out there. Yeah. I've always wanted to meet a big shot from Hollywood. Yeah.
[00:15:33] Unknown:
See, that must be our Hollywood guest now. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Shut up. What is this? Well, welcome to Avalon Time. We're glad that you are you the Hollywood personality? Well, I ate a bottle of wet wash from the rain shade. Hercules, one of the four feather brains.
[00:16:00] Unknown:
Please, mister Skelton. Well, that's no way to talk to a man that just got back from Hollywood on the cheap. You came from Hollywood on the cheap? Yeah. Can you imagine riding piggyback on an Indian all that distance? No. I can't. Oh, it was terrible. Yeah. I think he must have been drinking. What? By the last thousand miles, he was just staggering all over the highway.
[00:16:21] Unknown:
I bet you've never even been to Hollywood. Oh, haven't I? Did you see that funny looking outfit I had on this afternoon? You mean that sports suit with a purple and yellow housecoat? That's it. The green and gold pants with a red stripe? Yeah. And those open toe shoes with furline berets.
[00:16:39] Unknown:
Yeah. You sure look funny. Yeah. I know. But in Hollywood, it didn't even get a snicker.
[00:16:44] Unknown:
Well, I believe you now, Herky. So tell us something about your life out there, will you? Well, for three years, I was a big director,
[00:16:51] Unknown:
but I was replaced by Santa Claus. Then I was a big producer. Why, mister Skelton, one day I called 3,000 girls. For a picture? No. For a date.
[00:17:02] Unknown:
Yeah. Hey. I bet you were a screamer. I bet they called you Daryl F. Panic. Say, what was the last thing you did?
[00:17:10] Unknown:
What was the last thing you did in Hollywood, Herky? Well, let's see. I ran a drive in restaurant. Yeah? And you know I had the cutest little gadget that wiped off your windshield and your chin at the same time. Oh, that sounds very handy. It certainly was. Oh, but you should have tried my Hercules special hamburger. Good, Oh, it was so tender you could gum it, gobble it, gobble it, or gulp it. Well, I'll be seeing you, mister Skelton. I have an appointment with that little man who wasn't there. Yeah? Oh, but I'm gonna surprise him. I ain't gonna show up either. Bye now.
[00:17:44] Unknown:
Oh, good old. Thank you. And now folks, it's time for Dick Todd and the Avalon course to sing, we'll rest at the end of the prayer. And right after that, we'll hold on just a second folks, I'll take it please. Hello? This is a Chris Cross radio survey. What program were you listening to? The Red Skelton Show. Yeah. We turned it off too. Yeah. Same day.
[00:18:16] Unknown:
We're weary and tired. Our world is all through, The road is mighty dusty, oh, hell. The sun is sinking down beyond Pride And time, our world is often. Right? We'll rest at the end When we rest at the end of the train. If we feel like Robin, we'll hitch to a start. So just keep on loving. It's not so very fun. We're weary and tired.
[00:20:56] Unknown:
Thank you, doctor Scott. And now we come to our slice of life, a short sketch about things that really happened. And tonight's playlist is about the trouble people go through when they work in a department store. You set the scene, bell. Okay. The time, 07:30 in the morning. The place, a bus stop somewhere in your hometown.
[00:21:16] Unknown:
Now as the scene opens we find a young floor walker approaching a pretty girl standing on the corner. The pretty girl is Edna Stilwell and the guy with the wrong approach is Red Scouser. They're both on their way to work in the same department store. Listen.
[00:21:33] Unknown:
Hi, Edna. What's the matter? Is that bus late again? Yeah. Gee, I wish I had a car. I'd give you a lift downtown every morning. Not only that, I wouldn't charge you a cent more than a bus fare. Gee, you look nice today. Is that a new hat? Sorta? Yes. It is. How do you like it? Oh, it's a nice hat. But how do you keep it on? From memory?
[00:21:52] Unknown:
What's it supposed to represent? I don't know. But this morning, it laid an egg.
[00:21:59] Unknown:
Say, I wonder what's keeping that butt. I don't know. Gee, I hope it gets here soon. My feet are killing me. Yeah. Mine too.
[00:22:06] Unknown:
Oh, I'm glad today's the last day of this week's fire sale. Yes.
[00:22:10] Unknown:
I never saw such crowds in my life. Yeah. It was so crowded in the bargain basement yesterday. I saw two women trying on the same griddle. And I don't mean griddle.
[00:22:22] Unknown:
Oh, here comes the bus. My goodness. Look how crowded it is. Yeah. It looks like a sardine cans on wheels.
[00:22:29] Unknown:
Gee. I wish I were a man. I don't think I'd help. Look. They're standing too. Hey. Wait a minute. Is got room in there for two more? Here we are. You in Edna? Almost.
[00:22:46] Unknown:
Let's squeeze in back of someone with a newspaper. You know if you miss one day of little orphan Annie you're lost. Yeah.
[00:23:01] Unknown:
Hello. Husband and Beckett's department store. Information speaking. Yes, madam. Everything in a child children's department is on sale at half price. Void pants? Yes, madam. They're half off too. Pardon me, buddy. Where can I find a manager of this joint? I want my money back. Oh, wait a minute. What's trouble? What kind of cheap stuff is this joint selling? I buy a complete fall outfit. See? Suit, overcoat, hat, socks, shorts, and hackathon. What happened? The range came and the outfit went. Oh, well, you'll have to see mister seller. Where is this seller? You find him in the basement.
Next, ma'am. Young man, do you have anything in the cotton stockings? Yes. My Anne Hans and Vince ad. I mean,
[00:23:47] Unknown:
Third Floor, please. You fresh thing. I've never been so insulted in all my life. She's never been so insulted.
[00:23:54] Unknown:
I guess she was never in a cocktail lounge on Saturday night. I beg your pardon but I'd like to see something in an old fashioned nightgown. You wouldn't dare.
[00:24:11] Unknown:
Well, maybe, wouldn't they?
[00:24:17] Unknown:
I'm sorry I bothered you. Oh, it's alright, Pop. Make nothing of it. Mister Scalton. Yes? Mister Scalton. Boy, they wear me out. I get called more times than doctor Kildare. Oh, mister Scalton? Oh, I said I'm in trouble. Yes, darling. I mean, estimate still well. She almost forgot the rules for a minute.
[00:24:35] Unknown:
What's up? Will you wait on this lady? I can't stand her another minute. No? Get a load of that face. Is that a face? No. It's not a face. It's sabotage.
[00:24:46] Unknown:
And I still don't know what the word means. What's the matter with her? Attitude?
[00:24:57] Unknown:
So she doesn't know what she wants. No. She keeps looking around the store. And after I go to the trouble of showing her every bowl of goods at my counter I'll handle this for you.
[00:25:09] Unknown:
Now what can I do for you madam? Oh, you again,
[00:25:13] Unknown:
I want to see some velvet, but that stupid person doesn't seem to understand what I want. Oh, stupid. Now before we go any further, I want something to fit my personality. Yeah.
[00:25:23] Unknown:
You want one with silver handles?
[00:25:29] Unknown:
Listen you, if you get dressed again, I'll report you to the manager. You wouldn't. You already said that. That's right. Now, what was it you wanted? Oh, well now let me see. Oh, what's that up there on the second show? Show. Over here? No. No, Dagwood. Well, not that.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
See, the one over there. Boy, the guy that said the customer is always right must have been the customer.
[00:26:03] Unknown:
Here, how do you like that? Now that's a very fine I don't like it.
[00:26:06] Unknown:
Well, listen, lady. We've shown you every bowl of goods on this shelf. Why don't you just leave your name and address? We'll mail you to the store.
[00:26:13] Unknown:
Well, you have not shown me every bolt of goods. Now there's one on the bar shelf. Now see you upstairs?
[00:26:18] Unknown:
Oh, yes. My goodness. How did I ever miss it?
[00:26:21] Unknown:
Oh, Belle. Don't bother getting it down. I really didn't want to look at anything to begin with. Oh, that's all. Hi. Well, you see, I was just waiting around for my husband to show up. Oh, yes. Well, if you think he's in that other boat lady, I'll take it down.
[00:26:45] Unknown:
Friends, if you're looking for high quality in your cigarettes, you'll find it in Avalon's. Avalon's are guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. If you're looking for a real money saving economy, you'll find that in Avalon too. Avalons cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. A saving that will net you many extra dollars every year. Truly it's needless to pay more for your Avalon.
[00:29:27] Unknown:
Well, Bill,
[00:29:31] Unknown:
time sure went fast tonight, didn't it? Yes, sir. Now, we'll all be back next week the same time though. I guess you're going out then and join the Halloween pranksters. Yeah. Halloween sure brings back a lot of memories. I remember when I was a little kid, my dad used to hold me up to the window. To see the masqueraders? No. He was too stingy to buy a pumpkin.
[00:29:49] Unknown:
Good night, folks. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye now. Well, friends, we hope you've enjoyed our show and be with us next Wednesday night at the same hour when the Brown and Williamson tobacco corporation again presents Red Skelton, Dick Todd, Edna Silwell and the entire gang in Avalon time. This is Del King speaking and reminding you that during the week when you ask for Avalon cigarettes.
[00:30:10] Unknown:
Don't forget your change.
[00:30:24] Unknown:
Yes. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost only 10¢ plus Syria's state tax. You men who smoke pipes. Could I have your attention for just a moment to tell you about sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco of America? Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest selling pipe tobacco in the army, in the navy, on American college campuses. In fact everywhere you find men who know and appreciate quality smoking. And the reason for this tremendous preference, well you'll know the reason the first time you try Sir Walter water rally in your pipe. Why not get a tin tonight. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
[00:31:35] Unknown:
WEAF, New York. WEAF New York.
GEICO makes it easy to get affordable renter's insurance in as little as ninety seconds. And then you'll start to wonder why everything else isn't so fast. Like, why does it take so long to do the dishes? A meal that's gone in three requires forty five minutes worth of dishes. Doesn't make sense. But it does make sense to get renter's insurance through GEICO. That way, that pile of dirty dishes and the other things you love are covered. Get more with GEICO.
[00:00:26] Unknown:
W e a f, New York. Eight thirty PM, b u l o z a, Boulevard watch time. Boulevard masterpiece of fine watchmaking.
[00:00:45] Unknown:
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir.
[00:00:49] Unknown:
Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You've never guessed, but Avalons cost you less.
[00:01:10] Unknown:
Saying, welcome to Avalon time featuring radio's red headed ragamuffin, Richard Red Skelton with Dick Todd, Edna Stilwell, Bud Hercules Vandover, the Avalon chorus and Bob Strong's orchestra opening the program with good morning. When we say you'd never guess Avalon's cost you less, we mean just exactly that. Judging by the quality, you'd never guess Avalon's cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. They're union made from a blend of the choice Turkish and domestic tobaccos. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarettes regardless of price, regardless of brand.
Never before has a price so low bought this unexcelled Avalon quality. The next time try Avalon cigarettes. And now we'd like you to meet a man with a million dollar smile, a million dollar personality and a two bit haircut. Red Sheldon.
[00:04:12] Unknown:
Thank you very much. Thank you.
[00:04:15] Unknown:
Thank you. And good evening, ladies and gentlemen. So you noticed my haircut. Hey, Del? Mhmm. How you like it? I think it's fine. But where are your ears? I got them in my pocket. Say, can I help it if my mother's just learning?
[00:04:28] Unknown:
Well, you look better that way. Well, thanks. Listen, Red, seriously, have you been to the automobile show yet? Yeah. I've been to the automobile show.
[00:04:37] Unknown:
Yeah. I just got back from there. You see, I do a lot of walking, and I wanted to see what car I'd look good under. They have one big foreign car over there. You can tell it's a foreign car. They can't keep it in neutral. I think I'll have to get a new car soon. My car is getting a little loose in places. In fact, every time I go over a bumpy road, the knee action keeps hitting me under the chin. But it runs nice, though. In fact, it's the only car in Chicago that runs by remote control from the finance company. You get more than five blocks away, they press a button and the wheels fall off.
It's not much of a car, but it's good enough to walk around town in. I really went over to the automobile show, though, to see well, look who just came in. Dick Todd. Yeah. How are you tonight, Dick? Say, you look a little tired tonight. What's the matter? Well, I've been up all night worrying about Sally Rand. Yeah?
[00:05:38] Unknown:
You know, she just declared bankruptcy.
[00:05:40] Unknown:
Yeah. Poor Sally. Fanned out. Well, what's your first song tonight, Dick? Tonight, my beautiful from George White Scandal. Okay, Dick. Watch him, girl. He's got a gleam in his voice. Sing it, boy.
[00:06:06] Unknown:
Good night, my beautiful. Just being with you is so beautiful and tearing away from your arms is not easy to do. Good night, my wonderful. There's nobody who's so wonderful. Each moment with you is like living a dream come true. So hold me close to you, fighting is such sweet sorrow. Your love is all I have to wait and for tomorrow. Good night, my beautiful. The night will be lonely but beautiful when I am alone with my wonderful dreams of Good night, my beautiful love. The night will be lonely but beautiful when I am alone with my wonderful dreams of you.
[00:08:11] Unknown:
That was good night, my beautiful, sung by Dick Todd, the ladies choice for mayor. Mayor. He's young too. Oh, say, Dick, with you, Bob Strong, and me on this program, that makes us young, strong, and handsome. Who's handsome? Yeah. I was talking to Dick Todd. How are you, Edna? It's a nice dress you have on, and wait for Cuse.
[00:08:31] Unknown:
Well, when do I come in? Top of page
[00:08:35] Unknown:
six. That was Edna Stilwell, folks. We call her fast, witty, and punchy. Everybody on this program has nicknames. It's a funny thing. Bob Strong, they call dark, tall, and handsome. And Dick Todd is, broad, blonde and dashing. And me, the say, I must be something. What am I? Thick, red and rancid. Yes. Oh, wait a minute, Del. What is this? Why does everybody get the idea it's mutiny. It's propaganda. I'd even say it was sabotage. I knew what the word meant.
[00:09:12] Unknown:
It's the top of page six. Can I come in now? Yes.
[00:09:17] Unknown:
Yes, Sydney. You're just in time. We're going to do a slice of life. And tonight Who's that guy? I asked this.
[00:09:23] Unknown:
Oh, come in. Mister Scouten, I want you to meet my brother. Your brother? Yes. He's an ex athlete. An ex athlete? Yeah. In 1930, I was a rum runner. Yes.
[00:09:36] Unknown:
Very funny. Stick around to laugh at the program, dear brother. I'd like to run through your curly hair and my football shoes. Why,
[00:09:45] Unknown:
Now brother, don't antagonize mister Skelton. Remember, the world's made up of all kinds of people. Yes. Mister Scout, my brother wants a job as your press agent and your personal manager. What? Yeah. He wants to take care of everything for you. Yeah. I take care of everything.
[00:10:03] Unknown:
Oh, by the way, here's your laundry. It just came back. My laundry? It can't be. I just sent it out an hour ago. I know. They refused it. Yeah. Where do you get those jokes out of a silo? I don't need a publicity man. My picture was in every paper this morning. Yeah. I saw it. What a picture. And underneath it says, don't let this happen to you. Now I'll get you good publicity. I'll put your name in lights. Hey. Maybe you got something there. Stelt with a publicity man. Gee. Already, I can see my name in lights. Are they over a theater? No. They're over a well, it's good enough to start with, though. And now, Skelton, we're going to work. Yeah? First, we'll take the initials off the side of your car and put on two foot neon letters. Red Shelton, comedian, question mark. Yeah.
Why a question mark? That's so your fans won't think you're conceited. Oh. And next, we'll put your name on every Avalon cigarette. Alright. I'll buy wine. So your name will be in everybody's mouth. And next, we'll go to work on this program. Mhmm. It's supposed to be a variety show, ain't it? Yeah. Well, where are the guest stars? Guest stars? Now on the way over here, I took it upon myself to hire a real Hollywood personality. A real Hollywood personality? Sure. Geez. Somebody from Hollywood on our program. Where did you get him? MGM. Mhmm. Metropolitan mayor? No. My grandmother's. Yeah.
I never met so many comedians in all my life. Everybody on this program's funny but me. Even Bob Strong thinks he's an old cut up because he's doing the woodchoppers bowl. Play it Bob before the termites beat you to it.
[00:14:14] Unknown:
Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard a lot lately about the little man who wasn't there. Well I saw him the other day and asked him where he's been and he said,
[00:14:23] Unknown:
I'll tell you, I'll tell you where I've been. I've been out after Avalon cigarettes. Can't stay any longer, going out after another pack right now.
[00:14:35] Unknown:
And friends that's mighty good advice for all of you too. Right after this program tonight get a pack of Avalon's, cigarettes that are second to none in quality but cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular priced brands. Remember, Avalon's, the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Be sure to give them a trial tonight. You'd never guess they cost you less. Now, that was very well spoken there Dale. I see you got your bridge fixed. No, no Red, I just had my girder adjusted.
[00:15:07] Unknown:
Therese, you look rather worried. You really do. My goodness. What's the matter? Well, I am a little worried. My new publicity man hired a guest star and he hasn't arrived yet. Where's the guest star from? Hollywood. Hollywood? Yeah. Hollywood. That's a suburb of Hetty Lamar.
[00:15:22] Unknown:
Gee. I've always wanted to meet a big shot from Hollywood. Yeah. Well, I like that. I made a picture out there. Yeah. I've always wanted to meet a big shot from Hollywood. Yeah.
[00:15:33] Unknown:
See, that must be our Hollywood guest now. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Quietest. Shut up. What is this? Well, welcome to Avalon Time. We're glad that you are you the Hollywood personality? Well, I ate a bottle of wet wash from the rain shade. Hercules, one of the four feather brains.
[00:16:00] Unknown:
Please, mister Skelton. Well, that's no way to talk to a man that just got back from Hollywood on the cheap. You came from Hollywood on the cheap? Yeah. Can you imagine riding piggyback on an Indian all that distance? No. I can't. Oh, it was terrible. Yeah. I think he must have been drinking. What? By the last thousand miles, he was just staggering all over the highway.
[00:16:21] Unknown:
I bet you've never even been to Hollywood. Oh, haven't I? Did you see that funny looking outfit I had on this afternoon? You mean that sports suit with a purple and yellow housecoat? That's it. The green and gold pants with a red stripe? Yeah. And those open toe shoes with furline berets.
[00:16:39] Unknown:
Yeah. You sure look funny. Yeah. I know. But in Hollywood, it didn't even get a snicker.
[00:16:44] Unknown:
Well, I believe you now, Herky. So tell us something about your life out there, will you? Well, for three years, I was a big director,
[00:16:51] Unknown:
but I was replaced by Santa Claus. Then I was a big producer. Why, mister Skelton, one day I called 3,000 girls. For a picture? No. For a date.
[00:17:02] Unknown:
Yeah. Hey. I bet you were a screamer. I bet they called you Daryl F. Panic. Say, what was the last thing you did?
[00:17:10] Unknown:
What was the last thing you did in Hollywood, Herky? Well, let's see. I ran a drive in restaurant. Yeah? And you know I had the cutest little gadget that wiped off your windshield and your chin at the same time. Oh, that sounds very handy. It certainly was. Oh, but you should have tried my Hercules special hamburger. Good, Oh, it was so tender you could gum it, gobble it, gobble it, or gulp it. Well, I'll be seeing you, mister Skelton. I have an appointment with that little man who wasn't there. Yeah? Oh, but I'm gonna surprise him. I ain't gonna show up either. Bye now.
[00:17:44] Unknown:
Oh, good old. Thank you. And now folks, it's time for Dick Todd and the Avalon course to sing, we'll rest at the end of the prayer. And right after that, we'll hold on just a second folks, I'll take it please. Hello? This is a Chris Cross radio survey. What program were you listening to? The Red Skelton Show. Yeah. We turned it off too. Yeah. Same day.
[00:18:16] Unknown:
We're weary and tired. Our world is all through, The road is mighty dusty, oh, hell. The sun is sinking down beyond Pride And time, our world is often. Right? We'll rest at the end When we rest at the end of the train. If we feel like Robin, we'll hitch to a start. So just keep on loving. It's not so very fun. We're weary and tired.
[00:20:56] Unknown:
Thank you, doctor Scott. And now we come to our slice of life, a short sketch about things that really happened. And tonight's playlist is about the trouble people go through when they work in a department store. You set the scene, bell. Okay. The time, 07:30 in the morning. The place, a bus stop somewhere in your hometown.
[00:21:16] Unknown:
Now as the scene opens we find a young floor walker approaching a pretty girl standing on the corner. The pretty girl is Edna Stilwell and the guy with the wrong approach is Red Scouser. They're both on their way to work in the same department store. Listen.
[00:21:33] Unknown:
Hi, Edna. What's the matter? Is that bus late again? Yeah. Gee, I wish I had a car. I'd give you a lift downtown every morning. Not only that, I wouldn't charge you a cent more than a bus fare. Gee, you look nice today. Is that a new hat? Sorta? Yes. It is. How do you like it? Oh, it's a nice hat. But how do you keep it on? From memory?
[00:21:52] Unknown:
What's it supposed to represent? I don't know. But this morning, it laid an egg.
[00:21:59] Unknown:
Say, I wonder what's keeping that butt. I don't know. Gee, I hope it gets here soon. My feet are killing me. Yeah. Mine too.
[00:22:06] Unknown:
Oh, I'm glad today's the last day of this week's fire sale. Yes.
[00:22:10] Unknown:
I never saw such crowds in my life. Yeah. It was so crowded in the bargain basement yesterday. I saw two women trying on the same griddle. And I don't mean griddle.
[00:22:22] Unknown:
Oh, here comes the bus. My goodness. Look how crowded it is. Yeah. It looks like a sardine cans on wheels.
[00:22:29] Unknown:
Gee. I wish I were a man. I don't think I'd help. Look. They're standing too. Hey. Wait a minute. Is got room in there for two more? Here we are. You in Edna? Almost.
[00:22:46] Unknown:
Let's squeeze in back of someone with a newspaper. You know if you miss one day of little orphan Annie you're lost. Yeah.
[00:23:01] Unknown:
Hello. Husband and Beckett's department store. Information speaking. Yes, madam. Everything in a child children's department is on sale at half price. Void pants? Yes, madam. They're half off too. Pardon me, buddy. Where can I find a manager of this joint? I want my money back. Oh, wait a minute. What's trouble? What kind of cheap stuff is this joint selling? I buy a complete fall outfit. See? Suit, overcoat, hat, socks, shorts, and hackathon. What happened? The range came and the outfit went. Oh, well, you'll have to see mister seller. Where is this seller? You find him in the basement.
Next, ma'am. Young man, do you have anything in the cotton stockings? Yes. My Anne Hans and Vince ad. I mean,
[00:23:47] Unknown:
Third Floor, please. You fresh thing. I've never been so insulted in all my life. She's never been so insulted.
[00:23:54] Unknown:
I guess she was never in a cocktail lounge on Saturday night. I beg your pardon but I'd like to see something in an old fashioned nightgown. You wouldn't dare.
[00:24:11] Unknown:
Well, maybe, wouldn't they?
[00:24:17] Unknown:
I'm sorry I bothered you. Oh, it's alright, Pop. Make nothing of it. Mister Scalton. Yes? Mister Scalton. Boy, they wear me out. I get called more times than doctor Kildare. Oh, mister Scalton? Oh, I said I'm in trouble. Yes, darling. I mean, estimate still well. She almost forgot the rules for a minute.
[00:24:35] Unknown:
What's up? Will you wait on this lady? I can't stand her another minute. No? Get a load of that face. Is that a face? No. It's not a face. It's sabotage.
[00:24:46] Unknown:
And I still don't know what the word means. What's the matter with her? Attitude?
[00:24:57] Unknown:
So she doesn't know what she wants. No. She keeps looking around the store. And after I go to the trouble of showing her every bowl of goods at my counter I'll handle this for you.
[00:25:09] Unknown:
Now what can I do for you madam? Oh, you again,
[00:25:13] Unknown:
I want to see some velvet, but that stupid person doesn't seem to understand what I want. Oh, stupid. Now before we go any further, I want something to fit my personality. Yeah.
[00:25:23] Unknown:
You want one with silver handles?
[00:25:29] Unknown:
Listen you, if you get dressed again, I'll report you to the manager. You wouldn't. You already said that. That's right. Now, what was it you wanted? Oh, well now let me see. Oh, what's that up there on the second show? Show. Over here? No. No, Dagwood. Well, not that.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
See, the one over there. Boy, the guy that said the customer is always right must have been the customer.
[00:26:03] Unknown:
Here, how do you like that? Now that's a very fine I don't like it.
[00:26:06] Unknown:
Well, listen, lady. We've shown you every bowl of goods on this shelf. Why don't you just leave your name and address? We'll mail you to the store.
[00:26:13] Unknown:
Well, you have not shown me every bolt of goods. Now there's one on the bar shelf. Now see you upstairs?
[00:26:18] Unknown:
Oh, yes. My goodness. How did I ever miss it?
[00:26:21] Unknown:
Oh, Belle. Don't bother getting it down. I really didn't want to look at anything to begin with. Oh, that's all. Hi. Well, you see, I was just waiting around for my husband to show up. Oh, yes. Well, if you think he's in that other boat lady, I'll take it down.
[00:26:45] Unknown:
Friends, if you're looking for high quality in your cigarettes, you'll find it in Avalon's. Avalon's are guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. If you're looking for a real money saving economy, you'll find that in Avalon too. Avalons cost 3 to 5¢ less per pack than other popular price brands. A saving that will net you many extra dollars every year. Truly it's needless to pay more for your Avalon.
[00:29:27] Unknown:
Well, Bill,
[00:29:31] Unknown:
time sure went fast tonight, didn't it? Yes, sir. Now, we'll all be back next week the same time though. I guess you're going out then and join the Halloween pranksters. Yeah. Halloween sure brings back a lot of memories. I remember when I was a little kid, my dad used to hold me up to the window. To see the masqueraders? No. He was too stingy to buy a pumpkin.
[00:29:49] Unknown:
Good night, folks. We'll see you all next week. Goodbye now. Well, friends, we hope you've enjoyed our show and be with us next Wednesday night at the same hour when the Brown and Williamson tobacco corporation again presents Red Skelton, Dick Todd, Edna Silwell and the entire gang in Avalon time. This is Del King speaking and reminding you that during the week when you ask for Avalon cigarettes.
[00:30:10] Unknown:
Don't forget your change.
[00:30:24] Unknown:
Yes. You'd never guess, but Avalon's cost only 10¢ plus Syria's state tax. You men who smoke pipes. Could I have your attention for just a moment to tell you about sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco of America? Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest selling pipe tobacco in the army, in the navy, on American college campuses. In fact everywhere you find men who know and appreciate quality smoking. And the reason for this tremendous preference, well you'll know the reason the first time you try Sir Walter water rally in your pipe. Why not get a tin tonight. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
[00:31:35] Unknown:
WEAF, New York. WEAF New York.
