In this lively episode, we delve into a humorous and nostalgic journey with Red Skelton and his comedic antics. The show opens with a playful discussion about a recent social media trend and quickly transitions into a delightful skit featuring Red Skelton's return from New York City. Skelton shares his amusing experiences in the Big Apple, from subway rides to encounters at Radio City, all delivered with his signature wit and charm. The episode is peppered with comedic exchanges, showcasing Skelton's talent for turning everyday situations into laugh-out-loud moments.
Listeners are treated to a variety of sketches, including a whimsical male escort service run by Skelton, and a humorous take on Marco Polo's adventures. The show also features musical interludes, with performances by Curt Massey and the Avalon Chorus, adding a melodic touch to the comedic proceedings. Throughout the episode, the charm and humor of Red Skelton shine brightly, making it a delightful listen for fans of classic comedy and vintage radio shows.
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:00:23] Unknown:
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[00:00:35] Unknown:
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir.
[00:00:39] Unknown:
Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You never guessed, but Avalon cost you less.
[00:00:59] Unknown:
Good evening friends, good evening. This is Del King saying, welcome to Avalon time with greetings from Red Foley and the entire company. But first tonight we want you to meet a man who's fit as a fiddle, bold legs and everything, red Sheldon.
[00:01:16] Unknown:
Thank you very much, that's great.
[00:01:18] Unknown:
Thank you and good evening ladies and gentlemen. I feel great tonight. I just got back from New York City where I finished my third picture for Warner Brothers. Funny thing, every picture I make, they make me play the part of a simp. That's the trouble with being a type. Yeah. Hello there, microphone. Well, Skeleton, it's about time you spoke to me. Well, I'm sorry. My gee, we just don't know what to say. Say something funny for a change. It's night on saying I have to say funny things to make people laugh. No. Not what I say is like yours. Listen. I am the best looking one in my family. You can imagine what the rest of them look like.
I got one brother that's totally ugly. He's got a job standing in front of a drugstore to make people sing. I don't know why I'm telling you about my family microphone. I came out to tell the folks about my trip to New York. I really had a lot of fun too. I took a ride on the subway. You know what a subway is? It's a sardine can on wheels. But the one I was on wasn't so crowded. I had a strap all to myself. It was a lady got on, and I got up to give her my seat. And just as I got up, I said, would you have my seat? She's painted. When When she came to do, she thanked me, and I fainted.
Then went over to Radio City, over to the RCA Building, over Radio City to see that big building there. And what elevators? They've got elevators that take you 60 stories in three seconds. Sure does Rockefeller Center. Went over to Fifth Avenue and saw the latest spring styles. Oh, boy, are the dresses short this year. Dresses this year are like a barbed wire fence. They protect the property, but they don't obstruct the view. I went down to the railroad station. I walked up to the information desk, and I said, have you got a fast train out here for Cincinnati? He says, no. But we got a fast train out here for Washington, DC. I said, who wants to go to Washington? He says, Thomas Dewey.
Could be. Plainfield. Could be.
[00:05:14] Unknown:
Oh, the flowers that blow them in the spring. Oh, hello, skeleton. Hiya, Peter Grant. What this fall off isn't it? It's spring red. Beautiful.
[00:05:27] Unknown:
I get it. Go ahead and spring it. Yes red.
[00:05:30] Unknown:
In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of Avalon cigarette. Very good, Red. Mhmm. I see you too feel the call of spring. Feel that tremendous urge to
[00:05:42] Unknown:
travel on. With their whole lungs. Uh-huh. Let them laugh, let them laugh, let them laugh. You took the words right out of my mouth. Well, I know you Peter. You'll put some more right back in again.
[00:05:54] Unknown:
Right you are red. Avalons are extra smooth, delightfully mild,
[00:05:59] Unknown:
thoroughly enjoyable. Okay. You'll pay little girl. I'll buy your flowers. I mean, give me a pack of Avalons, please. Yes, sir.
[00:06:06] Unknown:
At the moment, mister Skelton, don't forget your change. You never guess, but Avalon's cost you less. Yes. 3 to 5¢ less than other popular priced brands. Keep punching there, Peter. That's why millions are changing to Avalon's, the outstanding cigarette value on the market today. Well, be seeing your ass.
[00:06:25] Unknown:
I know. A little later on in the program. Oh, the power of the former spring. Oh, Peter Grant. An old phone guy was springing his heart.
[00:06:53] Unknown:
Yes, friends. That's the yodel scene that usually introduces the singing star of Avalon time, Red Foley. But we're sorry to say that Red's not with us tonight. He's on the sick list but we expect him back with us next week. And tonight Curt Massey not only takes Red's place but sings the very songs originally scheduled. Kurt, a mighty fine audience would like to hear you sing old folk.
[00:07:28] Unknown:
Everyone knows him as old boy. Like the seasons he'll come and he'll go. Just as free as a bird and as good as his word. That's why everybody loves him both, always leaving his spoon in his hoagie, puts his napkin up under his chin. And that yellow carb pie, it's so mellow it's light. You needn't be ashamed of him. For Lincoln that day. I know that once so well. Don't quite understand about old foe. Did he fight for the blue or the red? For he's for diplomatic and for democratic.
[00:09:06] Unknown:
Hello? This is the Skelton Mail escort service. If a man answers, we hang up. You wanna force for bridge? I know just the dummy. I'll send mister Skelton right over.
[00:09:18] Unknown:
Listen. I may be dumb, but I don't chase water wagons three blocks to tell a man if his wagon was leaking.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Miss Stillwell, how did the male escort, market open today? Cold, dark, and handsome preferred. What's common? Short, slow, and sloppy. Yeah.
[00:09:37] Unknown:
How about that? Me running a one man male escort service all by myself, and the thing my friends used to call me stinky.
[00:09:45] Unknown:
Oh, what's on the books for tonight? Let's see.
[00:09:48] Unknown:
I have calls from five different ladies. Five? I don't think we can handle it. Well, hire more escort. You can't run a mail escort service and take all the dates yourself.
[00:09:58] Unknown:
Oh, no. Well, you don't hear any of the women complaining, do you? Or do you?
[00:10:04] Unknown:
I'll take this. Hello. This is the wrong number.
[00:10:07] Unknown:
Hiya, folks.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
Hey, there you go. Oh, the mustache is here again. Say, what's this male escort service business? Sounds kind of tricky. No, it's not. Women call up and usually want a date in a hurry and we usually send me.
[00:10:23] Unknown:
Well, Red, you might put me down on the list. I don't know. I'm kind of afraid of that mustache though. Oh, now wait a minute. I don't see why there's something romantic about a mustache. Yes. Just think of the good old days when America was fuller brush men.
[00:10:44] Unknown:
Hello, Corn. What are you here for now?
[00:10:48] Unknown:
Nothing. Nothing. But I'm all here.
[00:10:57] Unknown:
Oh, shucks. That ain't in here either. Well, you better not let that mustache grow too long. My grandfather had a mustache. It was so long, one day he was twirling it, and someone yelled contract, and he took off.
[00:11:19] Unknown:
Okay. But listen, it's indecent Okay. But listen, it's indecent for men to go around with their upper lips in the nude. Yeah. Well, I'll see you later, Rhett. Okay, Delt
[00:11:28] Unknown:
King's good looking. Maybe we should give his mustache a try. I don't know. Mustache is pretty ticklish business. Oh, hello, mister Skelton. Oh, hello.
[00:11:41] Unknown:
How are you, Hercules?
[00:11:45] Unknown:
There's nothing to say, Hercules. Call around later. Well, my goodness. Did I do something wrong the last time out? If anybody's got any complaining to do, it's me. That girl just danced me to smither beans. Why, when I got home, I was so tired, I had to wash the dishes and vest. Oh, aren't you the one? Well, if there's no dates, I'll be seeing you. I feel just like my hat was Candace. Just another day wasted away.
[00:12:25] Unknown:
Oh, great fellow, that Hercules. Hiya, Skelton. Well, Phil Davis. Hiya, Mint.
[00:12:32] Unknown:
Hey. Hiya, Phil. Hello, miss Stilwell.
[00:12:36] Unknown:
Phil, have a boy meets girl. Hey, Skelton. I'd prefer it if you would refer to me as a stylish stout. Anyway, I'm starting to reduce. You are Phil? Yeah. And believe me it's time to reduce when a fellas girl says the three's a crowd. Safe sale. Would you like me to put your name down on the date list? Well, I sure would. Hey, maybe we got something here, a one man double date.
[00:13:08] Unknown:
Speaking you dead? Why, yeah. I can rumble. I mean, rumble.
[00:13:17] Unknown:
I bet you're a wizard at Tango too. Well, I'll keep you in mind, Phil. Okay, skinny pants. Nice, isn't he? Yeah. He's a swell fellow. Good musician too. Did you hear his new song, I Surround You Dear?
[00:13:45] Unknown:
Hello? This is a skeleton male escort service. What? You want something well groomed and tailed? Do you want bed skeleton or a horse?
[00:13:57] Unknown:
Oh, that's a good one. What did you say? A horse. A horse. I don't get it. Maybe you're right, miss Stilwell. Maybe we should get some other men. What kind do you prefer? The conceited or the other kind? What other kind?
[00:14:17] Unknown:
Mister Skelton, I believe.
[00:14:34] Unknown:
Yes. What they do? Package. Yeah.
[00:14:38] Unknown:
Are you really an admiral? Yes. Indeed. Here's a picture of me in action. But you're standing in back of everybody. Yeah. You're probably a rear admiral.
[00:14:46] Unknown:
Boy, that's funny. Look at the hat they're wearing. Alright. Right. Yeah. But look at those medals on my chest. Yeah. What'd you get those medals for? For wearing that hat. I got most of those medals for helping Dewey take Manila. Yeah. What'd you do when Dewey took Manila? I did Strawberry. Is
[00:15:07] Unknown:
here. Now,
[00:15:08] Unknown:
I'd like for you to supply me with an escort. Yeah. Some, a killer a dealer who can put me here. Quick to flick. We got a jitterbug in here.
[00:15:19] Unknown:
Now, your secretary.
[00:15:21] Unknown:
You the cute little number. You, you think you could like a guy like me? Yes. He wasn't too much like you.
[00:15:29] Unknown:
Very good.
[00:15:30] Unknown:
But, now I'd like for you to take me where the youngest crowd hangs out. I'm looking for my son. Oh, you are? Yes. Twenty five years ago when I joined up, my wife ran away with my little son. Since that time I saved a half million dollars for the little fellow and I must find you. A half million dollars. Say, did this happen in Brooklyn? Yes. Was the kid light complected? Yes. Crown eyes? Yes. Pearly white teeth? Yes. That hair? Yes.
[00:16:16] Unknown:
Jeanette is here to echo Rob's plate of decoration. When it springs, heaven can wait.
[00:16:25] Unknown:
Heaven can wait. This is paradise. Just being here with you and breathing the air you do. Oh, heaven can wear. Darling, it's cool. This is paradise, gazing at all your charms. It's heavenly in your arm. Heaven can wait. You must be an angel on a visit from the paradise loving the way until I go there with you. Heaven can wait.
[00:18:55] Unknown:
For the Yakisaki, want some seafood, mama. Yes, boys and girls. It's whole time. By the way friends, hold tight was introduced on Avalon time by the Andrews sisters. All right, Peter Grant. Ladies and gentlemen, I've been telling you for many weeks now that Avalon cigarettes are the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Yes, I've been saying it, Avalon's in preference to all other brands because you have found Avolons give them more for their money. Why don't you switch to Avolons and get more for your money. Get finest quality cigarettes for 3 to 5¢ less than other popular priced brands.
You positively have everything to gain. Make no mistake about that because Avalon's are highest quality. In fact, you could want no finer quality cigarettes regardless of price, regardless of brand. They're 100% union made from the very finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos obtainable and give you a thoroughly enjoyable, smooth, mild smoke. That's why you'd never guess they cost you less. What more could you possibly demand in a cigarette. Superior quality tobaccos, a superfine blend, a real saving. The next time ask for 'abalon' and save the difference.
[00:22:20] Unknown:
Say, mister Scalton. Well, it's warm in here tonight. A lot of humility, isn't it?
[00:22:26] Unknown:
Mister Scalton? Yes? Would you take me to the family theater tonight to see that picture of Marco Polo? No. I don't wanna see that picture.
[00:22:46] Unknown:
Gives me $5 to agree with him. So again I'll set the scene so Red can tell the story. Okay don't. Okay Red. The year December, during the dynasty of the great Kupel the Khan, the place outside the walls of the city of Shantu, China. As the scene opens, we find Marco Polo Skelton, the adventurer and his secretary, approaching the Palace Of Kubelikas.
[00:23:21] Unknown:
Marco Polo, I'm so tired.
[00:23:24] Unknown:
Can't I rest for a few minutes? No. Only three more miles, then it's my turn to carry you.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
Well, I'm not gonna carry you any farther. Hey. What's the idea of dropping me? I didn't drop you. I threw you. Yeah. It was strictly Occidental. Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, you're fired. You go back to Venice. Oh, no. You can't fire me. Your father sent me along to see that you don't fall in love with one of those pretty little Chinese girls. Oh, yeah? Well, can I help it if the girls vamp me? Yeah. Well, I've heard you give them the old oil too.
[00:23:58] Unknown:
So what? A little oil for the vamps of China. How about the one you were so crazy about last week? You mean little yum yum? Oh, I gave her, Are you sure? Yep. I left her sitting on her, pagoda. Well, here's Kuplakan's Palace. Beep. Ring that doorbell. Beep. See, I hope they're home. Beep. What's this peep business? Oh, it's not something I had for lunch.
[00:24:26] Unknown:
Well, what was it? I had some bird nest soup. I I forgot to take the birds out. Beep.
[00:24:35] Unknown:
Ah, greetings to the great Kublai Khan. Marco Polo Skelton, I believe.
[00:24:44] Unknown:
And miss Stillwell, well, well, well, my dear, you look like an old flower.
[00:24:50] Unknown:
Yeah? You look a little wilder yourself.
[00:24:53] Unknown:
So how was that last shipment of goods I sent, Hans? Everything satisfactory? Yes. Yes. Yes. The shipment was all right except for those 12 color blind Venetians. Oh, well that was a flight air in the stockroom. That was supposed to be 12 colored Venetian blinds.
[00:25:09] Unknown:
No wonder they objected
[00:25:14] Unknown:
when I hung them at the windows. Hey. Who threw that hatchet?
[00:25:18] Unknown:
Jane Green setting it. I did.
[00:25:20] Unknown:
Did you like my little joke? Yes. It was very funny.
[00:25:24] Unknown:
You threw that hatchet? I thought I'd split.
[00:25:27] Unknown:
Well, I'll leave you folks with my honorable executioner, Oxnard. I must tell my favorite sons that you're here. Which are your favorite sons, Khan? Abu, Abu, Aslu, Agu, and then an.
[00:25:41] Unknown:
Well, hurry up back, god. Yes, Kirill.
[00:25:44] Unknown:
I'd like to marry you and make you the favorite wife in my harem. Do you have a fan a harem like Kubla Khan? Oh, dear. No. Khan has 200 wives. I only have 75.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
Oh, you're practically a bachelor.
[00:26:00] Unknown:
Say, Polo Skelton,
[00:26:02] Unknown:
you make me sick. You don't give me an appetite. Look at me straight in the eye and say that. I can't let you straight in the eye. Why not? You got slants in your gland.
[00:26:17] Unknown:
I'd like to take you over to my torture chamber and spring one of those tap doors for the lion's den. Oh, you would, I'd do it too if you aren't such a friend of the great Khan. Yes? But remember what Confucius said. What?
[00:26:31] Unknown:
Someday the worm will turn. So what? He looks to both same on both ends.
[00:26:40] Unknown:
Who's this Confucius?
[00:26:42] Unknown:
He's the honorable one who gave us proverbs. Yes. One of his books. Wait. I'd like to read that sometime. Yours? Yeah. Well, step over into my torture chamber. The light's much better there. Yes. It is.
[00:26:59] Unknown:
But, no, I don't think I ought to read it today. Oh, come on. Come
[00:27:05] Unknown:
on. Why not? Come on. I'll keep my trap shut.
[00:27:13] Unknown:
Alright. But I don't know. I don't think I should be going in here to read this book. Oh, the trap door.
[00:27:21] Unknown:
There he goes. And good riddance to him. Why, that's the strangest sight I've ever seen.
[00:27:27] Unknown:
The lions are standing on both sides of him while he reads the book. Are you alright, Marco Polo Skelton? Yeah. I'm okay. As long as I got these books, these animals won't bother me.
[00:27:38] Unknown:
I'm reading between the lines.
[00:27:49] Unknown:
And the composer is Billy Hill. When the singers are Kurt Massey in the Avalon Chorus. The result is a musical treat. It's the chapel in the moonlight.
[00:28:06] Unknown:
There's a little ocher that's covered with moss where I held your hand tenderly. I How I'd love to hear the awe in the chapel, in the moonlight,
[00:29:20] Unknown:
eye.
[00:29:42] Unknown:
Oh, I love to hear the choir in the chapel in the moon
[00:30:17] Unknown:
Remember, friends, when you asked for Avalon cigarettes? Don't forget your change. Yes. An Avalon cigarettes, dear friends, cost several cents less than others. You too can save this difference like all the Avalon brothers. The pack is wrapped in cellophane. Each pack is union made. No wonder folks Yes, you'd never guess but Avalons cost only 10¢ plus city or state tax.
[00:31:00] Unknown:
Program and I hope that my little little quibs have brought brought a grin to your face. And if you'd like to bring a smile to your face this week, try an Avalon. This is Red Kelton saying good night for Red Bull.
[00:31:12] Unknown:
Be with us next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon time. Del King speaking. Good night, everybody. Avalon Time originated in the studios of the nation station and has reached its new international broadcasting company.
[00:31:42] Unknown:
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It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment, but a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com. It's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba Casino has over a hundred online casino style games, all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus now at chumbacasino.com.
[00:00:23] Unknown:
Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary. PGW Group VoIP. We're prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply.
[00:00:35] Unknown:
A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir.
[00:00:39] Unknown:
Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You never guessed, but Avalon cost you less.
[00:00:59] Unknown:
Good evening friends, good evening. This is Del King saying, welcome to Avalon time with greetings from Red Foley and the entire company. But first tonight we want you to meet a man who's fit as a fiddle, bold legs and everything, red Sheldon.
[00:01:16] Unknown:
Thank you very much, that's great.
[00:01:18] Unknown:
Thank you and good evening ladies and gentlemen. I feel great tonight. I just got back from New York City where I finished my third picture for Warner Brothers. Funny thing, every picture I make, they make me play the part of a simp. That's the trouble with being a type. Yeah. Hello there, microphone. Well, Skeleton, it's about time you spoke to me. Well, I'm sorry. My gee, we just don't know what to say. Say something funny for a change. It's night on saying I have to say funny things to make people laugh. No. Not what I say is like yours. Listen. I am the best looking one in my family. You can imagine what the rest of them look like.
I got one brother that's totally ugly. He's got a job standing in front of a drugstore to make people sing. I don't know why I'm telling you about my family microphone. I came out to tell the folks about my trip to New York. I really had a lot of fun too. I took a ride on the subway. You know what a subway is? It's a sardine can on wheels. But the one I was on wasn't so crowded. I had a strap all to myself. It was a lady got on, and I got up to give her my seat. And just as I got up, I said, would you have my seat? She's painted. When When she came to do, she thanked me, and I fainted.
Then went over to Radio City, over to the RCA Building, over Radio City to see that big building there. And what elevators? They've got elevators that take you 60 stories in three seconds. Sure does Rockefeller Center. Went over to Fifth Avenue and saw the latest spring styles. Oh, boy, are the dresses short this year. Dresses this year are like a barbed wire fence. They protect the property, but they don't obstruct the view. I went down to the railroad station. I walked up to the information desk, and I said, have you got a fast train out here for Cincinnati? He says, no. But we got a fast train out here for Washington, DC. I said, who wants to go to Washington? He says, Thomas Dewey.
Could be. Plainfield. Could be.
[00:05:14] Unknown:
Oh, the flowers that blow them in the spring. Oh, hello, skeleton. Hiya, Peter Grant. What this fall off isn't it? It's spring red. Beautiful.
[00:05:27] Unknown:
I get it. Go ahead and spring it. Yes red.
[00:05:30] Unknown:
In the spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of Avalon cigarette. Very good, Red. Mhmm. I see you too feel the call of spring. Feel that tremendous urge to
[00:05:42] Unknown:
travel on. With their whole lungs. Uh-huh. Let them laugh, let them laugh, let them laugh. You took the words right out of my mouth. Well, I know you Peter. You'll put some more right back in again.
[00:05:54] Unknown:
Right you are red. Avalons are extra smooth, delightfully mild,
[00:05:59] Unknown:
thoroughly enjoyable. Okay. You'll pay little girl. I'll buy your flowers. I mean, give me a pack of Avalons, please. Yes, sir.
[00:06:06] Unknown:
At the moment, mister Skelton, don't forget your change. You never guess, but Avalon's cost you less. Yes. 3 to 5¢ less than other popular priced brands. Keep punching there, Peter. That's why millions are changing to Avalon's, the outstanding cigarette value on the market today. Well, be seeing your ass.
[00:06:25] Unknown:
I know. A little later on in the program. Oh, the power of the former spring. Oh, Peter Grant. An old phone guy was springing his heart.
[00:06:53] Unknown:
Yes, friends. That's the yodel scene that usually introduces the singing star of Avalon time, Red Foley. But we're sorry to say that Red's not with us tonight. He's on the sick list but we expect him back with us next week. And tonight Curt Massey not only takes Red's place but sings the very songs originally scheduled. Kurt, a mighty fine audience would like to hear you sing old folk.
[00:07:28] Unknown:
Everyone knows him as old boy. Like the seasons he'll come and he'll go. Just as free as a bird and as good as his word. That's why everybody loves him both, always leaving his spoon in his hoagie, puts his napkin up under his chin. And that yellow carb pie, it's so mellow it's light. You needn't be ashamed of him. For Lincoln that day. I know that once so well. Don't quite understand about old foe. Did he fight for the blue or the red? For he's for diplomatic and for democratic.
[00:09:06] Unknown:
Hello? This is the Skelton Mail escort service. If a man answers, we hang up. You wanna force for bridge? I know just the dummy. I'll send mister Skelton right over.
[00:09:18] Unknown:
Listen. I may be dumb, but I don't chase water wagons three blocks to tell a man if his wagon was leaking.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Miss Stillwell, how did the male escort, market open today? Cold, dark, and handsome preferred. What's common? Short, slow, and sloppy. Yeah.
[00:09:37] Unknown:
How about that? Me running a one man male escort service all by myself, and the thing my friends used to call me stinky.
[00:09:45] Unknown:
Oh, what's on the books for tonight? Let's see.
[00:09:48] Unknown:
I have calls from five different ladies. Five? I don't think we can handle it. Well, hire more escort. You can't run a mail escort service and take all the dates yourself.
[00:09:58] Unknown:
Oh, no. Well, you don't hear any of the women complaining, do you? Or do you?
[00:10:04] Unknown:
I'll take this. Hello. This is the wrong number.
[00:10:07] Unknown:
Hiya, folks.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
Hey, there you go. Oh, the mustache is here again. Say, what's this male escort service business? Sounds kind of tricky. No, it's not. Women call up and usually want a date in a hurry and we usually send me.
[00:10:23] Unknown:
Well, Red, you might put me down on the list. I don't know. I'm kind of afraid of that mustache though. Oh, now wait a minute. I don't see why there's something romantic about a mustache. Yes. Just think of the good old days when America was fuller brush men.
[00:10:44] Unknown:
Hello, Corn. What are you here for now?
[00:10:48] Unknown:
Nothing. Nothing. But I'm all here.
[00:10:57] Unknown:
Oh, shucks. That ain't in here either. Well, you better not let that mustache grow too long. My grandfather had a mustache. It was so long, one day he was twirling it, and someone yelled contract, and he took off.
[00:11:19] Unknown:
Okay. But listen, it's indecent Okay. But listen, it's indecent for men to go around with their upper lips in the nude. Yeah. Well, I'll see you later, Rhett. Okay, Delt
[00:11:28] Unknown:
King's good looking. Maybe we should give his mustache a try. I don't know. Mustache is pretty ticklish business. Oh, hello, mister Skelton. Oh, hello.
[00:11:41] Unknown:
How are you, Hercules?
[00:11:45] Unknown:
There's nothing to say, Hercules. Call around later. Well, my goodness. Did I do something wrong the last time out? If anybody's got any complaining to do, it's me. That girl just danced me to smither beans. Why, when I got home, I was so tired, I had to wash the dishes and vest. Oh, aren't you the one? Well, if there's no dates, I'll be seeing you. I feel just like my hat was Candace. Just another day wasted away.
[00:12:25] Unknown:
Oh, great fellow, that Hercules. Hiya, Skelton. Well, Phil Davis. Hiya, Mint.
[00:12:32] Unknown:
Hey. Hiya, Phil. Hello, miss Stilwell.
[00:12:36] Unknown:
Phil, have a boy meets girl. Hey, Skelton. I'd prefer it if you would refer to me as a stylish stout. Anyway, I'm starting to reduce. You are Phil? Yeah. And believe me it's time to reduce when a fellas girl says the three's a crowd. Safe sale. Would you like me to put your name down on the date list? Well, I sure would. Hey, maybe we got something here, a one man double date.
[00:13:08] Unknown:
Speaking you dead? Why, yeah. I can rumble. I mean, rumble.
[00:13:17] Unknown:
I bet you're a wizard at Tango too. Well, I'll keep you in mind, Phil. Okay, skinny pants. Nice, isn't he? Yeah. He's a swell fellow. Good musician too. Did you hear his new song, I Surround You Dear?
[00:13:45] Unknown:
Hello? This is a skeleton male escort service. What? You want something well groomed and tailed? Do you want bed skeleton or a horse?
[00:13:57] Unknown:
Oh, that's a good one. What did you say? A horse. A horse. I don't get it. Maybe you're right, miss Stilwell. Maybe we should get some other men. What kind do you prefer? The conceited or the other kind? What other kind?
[00:14:17] Unknown:
Mister Skelton, I believe.
[00:14:34] Unknown:
Yes. What they do? Package. Yeah.
[00:14:38] Unknown:
Are you really an admiral? Yes. Indeed. Here's a picture of me in action. But you're standing in back of everybody. Yeah. You're probably a rear admiral.
[00:14:46] Unknown:
Boy, that's funny. Look at the hat they're wearing. Alright. Right. Yeah. But look at those medals on my chest. Yeah. What'd you get those medals for? For wearing that hat. I got most of those medals for helping Dewey take Manila. Yeah. What'd you do when Dewey took Manila? I did Strawberry. Is
[00:15:07] Unknown:
here. Now,
[00:15:08] Unknown:
I'd like for you to supply me with an escort. Yeah. Some, a killer a dealer who can put me here. Quick to flick. We got a jitterbug in here.
[00:15:19] Unknown:
Now, your secretary.
[00:15:21] Unknown:
You the cute little number. You, you think you could like a guy like me? Yes. He wasn't too much like you.
[00:15:29] Unknown:
Very good.
[00:15:30] Unknown:
But, now I'd like for you to take me where the youngest crowd hangs out. I'm looking for my son. Oh, you are? Yes. Twenty five years ago when I joined up, my wife ran away with my little son. Since that time I saved a half million dollars for the little fellow and I must find you. A half million dollars. Say, did this happen in Brooklyn? Yes. Was the kid light complected? Yes. Crown eyes? Yes. Pearly white teeth? Yes. That hair? Yes.
[00:16:16] Unknown:
Jeanette is here to echo Rob's plate of decoration. When it springs, heaven can wait.
[00:16:25] Unknown:
Heaven can wait. This is paradise. Just being here with you and breathing the air you do. Oh, heaven can wear. Darling, it's cool. This is paradise, gazing at all your charms. It's heavenly in your arm. Heaven can wait. You must be an angel on a visit from the paradise loving the way until I go there with you. Heaven can wait.
[00:18:55] Unknown:
For the Yakisaki, want some seafood, mama. Yes, boys and girls. It's whole time. By the way friends, hold tight was introduced on Avalon time by the Andrews sisters. All right, Peter Grant. Ladies and gentlemen, I've been telling you for many weeks now that Avalon cigarettes are the outstanding cigarette value on the market. Yes, I've been saying it, Avalon's in preference to all other brands because you have found Avolons give them more for their money. Why don't you switch to Avolons and get more for your money. Get finest quality cigarettes for 3 to 5¢ less than other popular priced brands.
You positively have everything to gain. Make no mistake about that because Avalon's are highest quality. In fact, you could want no finer quality cigarettes regardless of price, regardless of brand. They're 100% union made from the very finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos obtainable and give you a thoroughly enjoyable, smooth, mild smoke. That's why you'd never guess they cost you less. What more could you possibly demand in a cigarette. Superior quality tobaccos, a superfine blend, a real saving. The next time ask for 'abalon' and save the difference.
[00:22:20] Unknown:
Say, mister Scalton. Well, it's warm in here tonight. A lot of humility, isn't it?
[00:22:26] Unknown:
Mister Scalton? Yes? Would you take me to the family theater tonight to see that picture of Marco Polo? No. I don't wanna see that picture.
[00:22:46] Unknown:
Gives me $5 to agree with him. So again I'll set the scene so Red can tell the story. Okay don't. Okay Red. The year December, during the dynasty of the great Kupel the Khan, the place outside the walls of the city of Shantu, China. As the scene opens, we find Marco Polo Skelton, the adventurer and his secretary, approaching the Palace Of Kubelikas.
[00:23:21] Unknown:
Marco Polo, I'm so tired.
[00:23:24] Unknown:
Can't I rest for a few minutes? No. Only three more miles, then it's my turn to carry you.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
Well, I'm not gonna carry you any farther. Hey. What's the idea of dropping me? I didn't drop you. I threw you. Yeah. It was strictly Occidental. Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, you're fired. You go back to Venice. Oh, no. You can't fire me. Your father sent me along to see that you don't fall in love with one of those pretty little Chinese girls. Oh, yeah? Well, can I help it if the girls vamp me? Yeah. Well, I've heard you give them the old oil too.
[00:23:58] Unknown:
So what? A little oil for the vamps of China. How about the one you were so crazy about last week? You mean little yum yum? Oh, I gave her, Are you sure? Yep. I left her sitting on her, pagoda. Well, here's Kuplakan's Palace. Beep. Ring that doorbell. Beep. See, I hope they're home. Beep. What's this peep business? Oh, it's not something I had for lunch.
[00:24:26] Unknown:
Well, what was it? I had some bird nest soup. I I forgot to take the birds out. Beep.
[00:24:35] Unknown:
Ah, greetings to the great Kublai Khan. Marco Polo Skelton, I believe.
[00:24:44] Unknown:
And miss Stillwell, well, well, well, my dear, you look like an old flower.
[00:24:50] Unknown:
Yeah? You look a little wilder yourself.
[00:24:53] Unknown:
So how was that last shipment of goods I sent, Hans? Everything satisfactory? Yes. Yes. Yes. The shipment was all right except for those 12 color blind Venetians. Oh, well that was a flight air in the stockroom. That was supposed to be 12 colored Venetian blinds.
[00:25:09] Unknown:
No wonder they objected
[00:25:14] Unknown:
when I hung them at the windows. Hey. Who threw that hatchet?
[00:25:18] Unknown:
Jane Green setting it. I did.
[00:25:20] Unknown:
Did you like my little joke? Yes. It was very funny.
[00:25:24] Unknown:
You threw that hatchet? I thought I'd split.
[00:25:27] Unknown:
Well, I'll leave you folks with my honorable executioner, Oxnard. I must tell my favorite sons that you're here. Which are your favorite sons, Khan? Abu, Abu, Aslu, Agu, and then an.
[00:25:41] Unknown:
Well, hurry up back, god. Yes, Kirill.
[00:25:44] Unknown:
I'd like to marry you and make you the favorite wife in my harem. Do you have a fan a harem like Kubla Khan? Oh, dear. No. Khan has 200 wives. I only have 75.
[00:25:57] Unknown:
Oh, you're practically a bachelor.
[00:26:00] Unknown:
Say, Polo Skelton,
[00:26:02] Unknown:
you make me sick. You don't give me an appetite. Look at me straight in the eye and say that. I can't let you straight in the eye. Why not? You got slants in your gland.
[00:26:17] Unknown:
I'd like to take you over to my torture chamber and spring one of those tap doors for the lion's den. Oh, you would, I'd do it too if you aren't such a friend of the great Khan. Yes? But remember what Confucius said. What?
[00:26:31] Unknown:
Someday the worm will turn. So what? He looks to both same on both ends.
[00:26:40] Unknown:
Who's this Confucius?
[00:26:42] Unknown:
He's the honorable one who gave us proverbs. Yes. One of his books. Wait. I'd like to read that sometime. Yours? Yeah. Well, step over into my torture chamber. The light's much better there. Yes. It is.
[00:26:59] Unknown:
But, no, I don't think I ought to read it today. Oh, come on. Come
[00:27:05] Unknown:
on. Why not? Come on. I'll keep my trap shut.
[00:27:13] Unknown:
Alright. But I don't know. I don't think I should be going in here to read this book. Oh, the trap door.
[00:27:21] Unknown:
There he goes. And good riddance to him. Why, that's the strangest sight I've ever seen.
[00:27:27] Unknown:
The lions are standing on both sides of him while he reads the book. Are you alright, Marco Polo Skelton? Yeah. I'm okay. As long as I got these books, these animals won't bother me.
[00:27:38] Unknown:
I'm reading between the lines.
[00:27:49] Unknown:
And the composer is Billy Hill. When the singers are Kurt Massey in the Avalon Chorus. The result is a musical treat. It's the chapel in the moonlight.
[00:28:06] Unknown:
There's a little ocher that's covered with moss where I held your hand tenderly. I How I'd love to hear the awe in the chapel, in the moonlight,
[00:29:20] Unknown:
eye.
[00:29:42] Unknown:
Oh, I love to hear the choir in the chapel in the moon
[00:30:17] Unknown:
Remember, friends, when you asked for Avalon cigarettes? Don't forget your change. Yes. An Avalon cigarettes, dear friends, cost several cents less than others. You too can save this difference like all the Avalon brothers. The pack is wrapped in cellophane. Each pack is union made. No wonder folks Yes, you'd never guess but Avalons cost only 10¢ plus city or state tax.
[00:31:00] Unknown:
Program and I hope that my little little quibs have brought brought a grin to your face. And if you'd like to bring a smile to your face this week, try an Avalon. This is Red Kelton saying good night for Red Bull.
[00:31:12] Unknown:
Be with us next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon time. Del King speaking. Good night, everybody. Avalon Time originated in the studios of the nation station and has reached its new international broadcasting company.
[00:31:42] Unknown:
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Introduction and Social Media Trends
Welcome to Avalon Time
Springtime and Avalon Cigarettes
Musical Interlude: Old Folks
The Skelton Mail Escort Service
Musical Performance: Heaven Can Wait
The Adventures of Marco Polo Skelton
Musical Finale: Chapel in the Moonlight
Closing Remarks and Farewell
