In this lively episode, Ryan shares his love for fun and games, particularly highlighting his favorite pastime at Chumba Casino, where he enjoys a variety of social casino-style games. The conversation takes a humorous turn as Ryan and his co-host engage in a comedic skit involving a frantic preparation for a broadcast featuring guest star Lynn Barry. The skit is filled with witty banter, playful misunderstandings, and a series of comedic mishaps, including a colorful discussion about outrageous clothing choices and a chaotic scene at a butcher shop.
The episode continues with a hilarious play set in the Wild West, starring Buffalo Bill Costello and Buckskin Abbott. The play is a comedic take on Western adventures, featuring a mix of slapstick humor and clever wordplay. The characters navigate through a series of absurd situations, including a humorous encounter with an Indian chief and a playful twist on traditional Western themes. The episode wraps up with a surprise twist involving a butcher shop and a playful nod to classic Western films.
(00:00) Introduction and Fun with Chumba Casino
(01:05) Preparing for the Broadcast
(03:00) The Suit Dilemma
(05:20) Meyer's Crisis and Butcher Shop Antics
(10:05) Meeting Lynn Barry
(12:31) The Western Play: Buffalo Bill
(17:02) Conclusion and Meyer's News
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun, Chamba Casino. They have hundreds of social casino casino style games to choose from with new games released each week. You can play for free anytime, anywhere, and each day brings a new chance to collect daily bonuses. So join me in the fun. Sign up now at Chumbacasino.com. Hello. It is Ryan, and we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps, you know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses.
That should brighten your day low. Actually, a lot. So sign up now at Chumbacasino.com. That's Chumba Casino dot com.
[00:01:00] Unknown:
No purchase necessary. DTE w. Avoid prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18 plus. Oh, boy. A boy report.
[00:01:07] Unknown:
Come on.
[00:01:09] Unknown:
Come on. Help me get dressed, please. I gotta get to the broadcast right away. Take it easy. There's lots of time. What's the excitement? Excitement. Tonight, we're having Lynn Berry as our guest star, and I'm gonna make love to her. Boy, oh boy. Alright. See, if I'm late, she might walk out of me. So what? Let her walk out. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Yeah. But who wants to park in the dark with a shark? Please. Never mind. Come on. Get your clothes on and let's go. Okay, now, kid. Hey, this is Nevis. I'm waiting for my new suit. Boy, it's gonna be beautiful. It is? The most gorgeous suit you ever saw. That rhymes. Yeah. The coat is red with green stripes. It's got pink lapels and orange buttons. Wait a minute. A red coat with green stripes, pink lapels, and orange buttons? Yes. I suppose you're going to wear yellow pants. What? And have people stare at me?
What do you think I am? I'm an adult, Yellow pants. Take class with my purple shoes. Your purple shoes? Charlie, I never heard of such thing. Yellow pants. Alright. Alright. Drop the pants. I can't. Why not? My red underwear won't match my leather dress. I are. Now don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't let you meet Lynn Barry in clothes like that. You better wear one of my suits. Here. I'll lend you my, dress suit. That old thing? It's full of moth holes. Oh, there is no single moth in that suit. You said it. They're all married and got children. Now wait a minute. Just a minute. We don't have any moths in our closed closet. No more, Ting. No. Just open that closet door and see. Okay. I will.
No more, Ting. Alright. So there's one. One. That was the mother. Here comes the children. That last one was just hatched. I got it. That's a brand new baby moth. Alright. Forget about the moth. Here, look. I'll lend you one of my other suits. Now let's see. There's the, wizard, a plaid, a tweed, and that dark one is a twill. A twill? Certainly. Didn't you ever have a twill? Oh, sure. I get a big twill when I ride on the wall. It's supposed to nothing. Don't be silly. Priddle, Twilly. Here's just the suit for you. It belongs to my father. It's his dinner suit. There's a little breakfast on it too. No. No. No. No. No. You're dummy. This is his soup and fish. It looks like egg to me. Listen, John Dawson. When you lived at home, didn't your family dress for dinner? Why, certainly we dress. What do you think we did? Come to the table in our underwear? Look. What's the matter with you? Didn't you ever wear dinner clothes? Yeah. I always wear pajamas. Pajamas are not dinner clothes. They are for eating bad. That isn't what I mean. You see, as long as I can remember, the men in our family have always worn their tails to dinner. That's a very pretty picture. Yes. It is. Where I come from, a man with tails is called a gentleman. And where I come from, we call a monkey.
[00:03:59] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:04:02] Unknown:
I mean, after all, that's, what they call him.
[00:04:06] Unknown:
Come in. Oh, it's Ken Niles. Ken. Ken. Castello needs a suit in a hurry. Can he borrow yours? Well, I'll have to go outside and ask a little woman. A little woman. Her neck alone is three feet long.
[00:04:21] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Costello.
[00:04:23] Unknown:
I'll have you know my neck is not long. Oh, no. Last time I saw a neck like that, a jockey was bending over it. Come on.
[00:04:30] Unknown:
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come
[00:04:43] Unknown:
Kenneth, are you going to stand there and that Costello compared me to a horse? Nay. Nay. Well, that was a very snappy part, Costello. With your appearance, you're a fine one to talk about, missus Niles. Certainly. Just look at yourself, fat boy. I'm not fat. Oh, no. I saw you fall down yesterday, and you rocked yourself to sleep trying to get up.
[00:05:03] Unknown:
Oh, no. Look. Now look. Let's stop this fighting. Look, missus Niles. Costello has to borrow us for the broadcast tonight. Yes, dear. May I lend him mine? Tell us Niles. Before I let you do that, I'd lock you up in the attic. But gee, dear, you you just let me out. Oh, come in. Hello, boy. Oh, it's my friend Meyer, the butcher. What's going on, Meyer? Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Am I excited? What is happening to me today shouldn't happen to two dogs. One dog couldn't handle it. Why? What's the matter? Oh, it's my wife, Sophie. After ten years, it's going to happen. Today is the day, and I got to be by her side. So you gotta come over right away, Louie, and take care of my butcher's job. Now wait a minute, Meyer. I can't do that. We're gonna broadcast. I'm gonna do a love scene with with Lynn Berry. Fuck, Lori. Would you rather do a love scene with Lynn Berry than mine mine Butchers' job? Can a duck swim? That's a silly answer. You ask silly questions, you get silly answers.
Because, Bella, come on. We have to get to the studio. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Think of my wife. Lori, you'll never do anything for me. Meyer, you shouldn't say that. Now I do. Now five years ago, I gave you the money to open up the butcher shop. And when you were sick, I paid for the operation. Then when the government was gonna put you in jail, I paid your income tax. And six months ago, when your house was on fire, I ran into the burning building and saved your life. And you say I never do anything for you? Yeah. But what have you done for me lately? Well, Costello, you had to open your big mouth just because you wanna help Meyer. We're stuck here in our butcher shop. But come on. We might as well get the orders out. You dress the chickens. Me dress the chickens? Why should I? Don't roll it up to dress themselves. No. I'll dress the chickens.
You bring me the other pile. What pile? Duck. Why should I duck? I'm not ashamed to help, Meyer. No. I mean duck. Duck in the icebox. Why should I duck in the icebox? You duck in the icebox. You bitch, Tushy. Now here, take it easy. I'm glad to help my friend Meyer and his wonderful little woman. Alright. I know what they're going through. By only last week, a little stranger came to live at our house. Really? Yes. My sister married a midget. Oh, come on. Crastell, you're impossible. Hello? Myers butcher shop. Hello? This is Myers on the wire. Oh, Myers. How's the wife? Anything happen yet? No, Lou. It's a very slow process. I have things by the shop. Oh, listen, Myers. Missus Jones sent back a Christmas turkey you sold. She says it only has one leg. What does she want to do, eat it or dance for that? Oh. Well, did Meyer say when he's coming back? Do you realize that Lynn Barry's probably at the studio now waiting for us? Now, Abbot, this is more important. Let her wait. I got plenty of women waiting for me. Fifty, sixty, 70. 50, 60, 70? Yes. And I wish I could find someone a little younger. Oh, come on. Now, Abbot, women and beautiful women always chase me. See, I don't know why. You think I I don't know.
[00:08:05] Unknown:
At any minute, a gorgeous girl is apt to walk in that door. Oh, there you are, Costello. Oh. Oh. So you wanna borrow my Kenneth's toupee? So you were going to make lots of lindsaye, and now I find you in a butcher
[00:08:18] Unknown:
shop, You're gonna run out of eight coupons. Just tell her for your information, missus Niles is one of Meyer's best customers. Yeah. Now take her order. Yes. I said take her order. Take her order where? Just Did you come in with an order? Never mind that. Take her me to take it? Just take it. Well, somebody is lost. I,
[00:08:37] Unknown:
I
[00:08:40] Unknown:
Mister Costello Yes, dear. I want 20¢ worth of gosli. Shall I wrap it up or do you wanna eat it here?
[00:08:50] Unknown:
No. That oh. Oh, that's the last straw.
[00:08:56] Unknown:
Oh, you see? Now look what you've done.
[00:08:59] Unknown:
Oh, I haven't done done it in all my life. After all these years of praying with my eyes, I've become a new and feel you better.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
It's probably Okay. Okay. Okay. Gustela. Gustela, don't stand there. Apologize. Okay. Come on. Mrs. Niles, if I said anything to offend you, I'm glad of it. Not Stelo. I said apologize. Okay. Mrs. Niles, I'm sorry I suggested that you eat the dog meat here. That better? That's much better. Wait until you get home.
[00:09:33] Unknown:
That's terrible. Oh, that's all. Cancel my order.
[00:09:37] Unknown:
Nyle, you lost missus Nyle's order, Cuss, Devon. You'll have to change your slip. I can't have it. What do you mean you can't change your slip? I'm not wearing any. Oh. Oh, pardon me. Where do I find Lou Costello? That ain't me. That's me.
[00:09:50] Unknown:
Pardon me. Where do I find Lou Costello? Here I am over by the pickle barrel. Well, raise your hand so I'll know which one is you.
[00:09:59] Unknown:
Hey, Abbot. Who is this fresh name? Costello. Don't you recognize her?
[00:10:05] Unknown:
Lynn Barry.
[00:10:10] Unknown:
Gee, miss Barry. How did you ever know, and how did you ever find me in this butcher shop? Where else would I look for a fat meatball?
[00:10:17] Unknown:
Well, see here, Costello. I'm supposed to do a play on your program tonight. Where do you expect to put it on? In this butcher shop? And why not? Lots of plays were done about butcher shops. You ever hear of Hamlet, The Merchant of Venison?
[00:10:31] Unknown:
You ever hear of Amy's Irish Roast? No. Come on. That's ridiculous. Oh, yeah? Ridiculous, How about the story about a hog, Pig Million? That's crazy. Crazy, They even wrote a great picture about cows. What picture? What else can I do? Boy, did I milk that one.
[00:10:57] Unknown:
Come to think of it, how about your last picture? Hit the ice. There was no meat in that one. I don't know. I saw two hands in it.
[00:11:06] Unknown:
Now wait a minute, Layton. Don't pay any attention to Costello. He isn't very b r I g h t. Yes. He does appear to be rather s t u p I d. I heard that. Placing I am, a d o p p? Listen, mister Abbott. What about this play? Well, Lynn, it's an original play, and Costello will be your leading man.
[00:11:28] Unknown:
Costello? He could never play that part. Why not? My leading man must be able to brush me into his arm, sweep me off his off my feet, and carry me away. You don't want a leading man. You want a street cleaner.
[00:11:41] Unknown:
Costello, that's no way to talk to our guest. Can't you be nice? Yes. Miss Barry, if you'll do this plate with me in the butcher shop, I'll take you out after the broadcast. We'll go for a drive. But, Lou, there's no more pleasure driving. Yeah. But there's still pleasure parking.
[00:11:57] Unknown:
Who wants to park in a coupe with a droop?
[00:12:01] Unknown:
Your technique is all wrong, Costello. We've had no pick out a beautiful girl like Lynn Barry, the first thing to do is hire a limousine and chauffeur. A Rolls Royce, of course. Then you buy me flowers. Orchids, naturally. Then cocktails at the Windsor House. Dinner at Romanov. With caviar. And champagne. Then tickets for the theater. First row. After that, you make the rounds of the nightclub. Winding up at the Tracadero. Yeah. Then you get into your limousine again and drive down Wilshire Boulevard. Stop the car. Stop the car. What for?
[00:12:27] Unknown:
I wanna stop at the finance company and make a
[00:12:31] Unknown:
loan. Well, Cartel, we're all ready to do your play. What's it all about? Oh, it's a great story, Abbot. It's about Buffalo Bill and the Wild West. Can you play a western gal, miss Barry?
[00:12:42] Unknown:
Can I play a Western gal? Why, where I come from, they all call me Tex. Where you all come from, Tex? Oklahoma.
[00:12:52] Unknown:
Just a second, Costello. Since when are you a Western character? Are you kidding, partner? What used to call me Six Gun Costello? But I had to change it to two gun. Why? Of course, with Six Gun, every time I took a step, my pants fell down. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. That's another character for you.
[00:13:11] Unknown:
Well, thick gun, I'll agree to play the part. Sounds fawn squaw to me. What's the tip? I said it sounds fawn squaw.
[00:13:20] Unknown:
Oh, fawn squaw. I used to hunt paw down the FBI. Alright. Look. I don't I don't believe all this, Gus. Oh, you're. No. No. No. No. You don't know anything about the West. Oh, no. I was raised on a dud ranch. You mean a dude ranch. I said dud. No women.
[00:13:43] Unknown:
Must have been near No Gals, Arizona. Har har. Lawrence Blois.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
Lou, this is ridiculous. Must be a couple of Southern California. Go ahead, Kim. Set the scene. Go ahead. Set now. Somebody better sit there. And now our play of the evening, a saga of the adventurous West, the life of Buffalo Bill, brought to you direct from Myers Butcher Shop and starring the Abbott and Costello pickle tasting player.
[00:14:13] Unknown:
And as an extra special attraction, Meyer has goose liver at 10¢ a pound. As the seat opens, Buffalo Bill Costello and Buckskin Abbott are on the trail. Suddenly, a shot rings out.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
Hello? Hello? This is Meyer on the wire. Hello there, Meyer. This is Buffalo. What have I got in my store? I'm talking buffalo. No. No, Meyer. This is Buffalo. I'm I'm talking from Indian Heights. Please get him on butcher shop in Boyle Heights. Now Meyer, will you stop bothering me? I gotta go and kill some Indians. What's the matter? We're running out of meat? Oh, never mind that. What's new with Toby? Oh, it's still a very slow process. Look. I can't talk to you now, Meyer. Call me back. This is the craziest play I ever heard. When do I come in? In just a second, Lynn. Costello and I are still on the trail approaching the camp of your father. Read your line, Costello.
Oh, yeah. Buckskin, bud. It's getting dark, and we're gonna run into a heap of trouble. Yes, Buffalo. If we don't reach the Sacae by sundown, the Indians will massacre us in the dark. They'll scap us alive. Well, what are you gonna do? We gotta get word through to Gene Autry. Gene Autry. Buffalo, look. Here comes an Indian chief. He's gonna speak to us. I didn't know you spoke Indian. I thought something went wrong with my typewriter.
[00:15:44] Unknown:
Me
[00:15:48] Unknown:
me welcome you. Me, Chief Flatfoot. Who gave you that name? Great white father? No. Great white drab boy. Chief Flatfoot, I've come to marry your daughter, Moon Eyes, the one over there.
[00:16:03] Unknown:
Moon Eyes could not come. I am her sister, Cross Eyes. Be glad to meet you. Greetings, white fish.
[00:16:12] Unknown:
Not fish, face. Greetings, fish face. I don't think she I don't think she likes you, Buffalo. Now let me handle this. Look here, cross eyed. I want to marry you. Now what do you say, Kyle? No marry you. Me marry the bicarbonate kid. The bicarbonate
[00:16:31] Unknown:
kid? Yes. Wild Bill Hiccup.
[00:16:38] Unknown:
I used to know him as Hopalong acidity. Then everything is settled. White man, you go. What's that? I've been an Indian scout fanatic for a year, and you're the most despicable, obnoxious, incorrigible renegade that I've ever encountered. It's hard words, Buffalo. Hard words? You're right. But I said them.
[00:17:02] Unknown:
Buffalo Bill, you be careful what you say to my father. Be strong. I smell him. Yes. No.
[00:17:13] Unknown:
Be strong. Me not wear shoes. Me not wear clothes. Me sleep in wind, rain, and snow. No roof. Me eat raw corn, raw meat, raw fish. You do all that? Yes. And I'm sick and tired of the whole thing.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Oh, boy. What a play.
[00:17:35] Unknown:
I'm glad you like it.
[00:17:36] Unknown:
Well, and you, girl, I want you to marry me. It's no use. You cannot marry me unless you get my mother's consent. I've taken care of that, Cross Eyes. I married your mother, so now I'm your father. So listen, daughter. You have my consent to marry me as soon as I can get a divorce from your old lady, your mother. Now wait a minute, Buffalo. The Indians are going to attack us. Me afraid, Buffalo. Don't worry, Cross Eyes. Get behind me. If you hear a shot, get in front of me. We're out. Here they come. Run for your line. Hello, Louie. It's me, Meyer. I'm back. Oh, boy. What a play. Costello, Abbott, Ms. Barry, I want to thank you sincerely for watching my butcher shop while my wife's topia is having that crisis. Jean Meyer, well, tell me. What happened?
Such are they. Girls with white uniforms are rushing in and out. I'm walking up and down. I'm biting my nails. I couldn't eat nothing. But everything's fine now wonderful. Sophie is resting up. We are so excited. Crush. What a lucky fellow. Congratulations,
[00:18:43] Unknown:
Meyer. Yeah. What was it, a boy or a girl? The most beautiful playman's name you ever saw.
Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun, Chamba Casino. They have hundreds of social casino casino style games to choose from with new games released each week. You can play for free anytime, anywhere, and each day brings a new chance to collect daily bonuses. So join me in the fun. Sign up now at Chumbacasino.com. Hello. It is Ryan, and we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps, you know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses.
That should brighten your day low. Actually, a lot. So sign up now at Chumbacasino.com. That's Chumba Casino dot com.
[00:01:00] Unknown:
No purchase necessary. DTE w. Avoid prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18 plus. Oh, boy. A boy report.
[00:01:07] Unknown:
Come on.
[00:01:09] Unknown:
Come on. Help me get dressed, please. I gotta get to the broadcast right away. Take it easy. There's lots of time. What's the excitement? Excitement. Tonight, we're having Lynn Berry as our guest star, and I'm gonna make love to her. Boy, oh boy. Alright. See, if I'm late, she might walk out of me. So what? Let her walk out. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Yeah. But who wants to park in the dark with a shark? Please. Never mind. Come on. Get your clothes on and let's go. Okay, now, kid. Hey, this is Nevis. I'm waiting for my new suit. Boy, it's gonna be beautiful. It is? The most gorgeous suit you ever saw. That rhymes. Yeah. The coat is red with green stripes. It's got pink lapels and orange buttons. Wait a minute. A red coat with green stripes, pink lapels, and orange buttons? Yes. I suppose you're going to wear yellow pants. What? And have people stare at me?
What do you think I am? I'm an adult, Yellow pants. Take class with my purple shoes. Your purple shoes? Charlie, I never heard of such thing. Yellow pants. Alright. Alright. Drop the pants. I can't. Why not? My red underwear won't match my leather dress. I are. Now don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't let you meet Lynn Barry in clothes like that. You better wear one of my suits. Here. I'll lend you my, dress suit. That old thing? It's full of moth holes. Oh, there is no single moth in that suit. You said it. They're all married and got children. Now wait a minute. Just a minute. We don't have any moths in our closed closet. No more, Ting. No. Just open that closet door and see. Okay. I will.
No more, Ting. Alright. So there's one. One. That was the mother. Here comes the children. That last one was just hatched. I got it. That's a brand new baby moth. Alright. Forget about the moth. Here, look. I'll lend you one of my other suits. Now let's see. There's the, wizard, a plaid, a tweed, and that dark one is a twill. A twill? Certainly. Didn't you ever have a twill? Oh, sure. I get a big twill when I ride on the wall. It's supposed to nothing. Don't be silly. Priddle, Twilly. Here's just the suit for you. It belongs to my father. It's his dinner suit. There's a little breakfast on it too. No. No. No. No. No. You're dummy. This is his soup and fish. It looks like egg to me. Listen, John Dawson. When you lived at home, didn't your family dress for dinner? Why, certainly we dress. What do you think we did? Come to the table in our underwear? Look. What's the matter with you? Didn't you ever wear dinner clothes? Yeah. I always wear pajamas. Pajamas are not dinner clothes. They are for eating bad. That isn't what I mean. You see, as long as I can remember, the men in our family have always worn their tails to dinner. That's a very pretty picture. Yes. It is. Where I come from, a man with tails is called a gentleman. And where I come from, we call a monkey.
[00:03:59] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:04:02] Unknown:
I mean, after all, that's, what they call him.
[00:04:06] Unknown:
Come in. Oh, it's Ken Niles. Ken. Ken. Castello needs a suit in a hurry. Can he borrow yours? Well, I'll have to go outside and ask a little woman. A little woman. Her neck alone is three feet long.
[00:04:21] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Costello.
[00:04:23] Unknown:
I'll have you know my neck is not long. Oh, no. Last time I saw a neck like that, a jockey was bending over it. Come on.
[00:04:30] Unknown:
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come
[00:04:43] Unknown:
Kenneth, are you going to stand there and that Costello compared me to a horse? Nay. Nay. Well, that was a very snappy part, Costello. With your appearance, you're a fine one to talk about, missus Niles. Certainly. Just look at yourself, fat boy. I'm not fat. Oh, no. I saw you fall down yesterday, and you rocked yourself to sleep trying to get up.
[00:05:03] Unknown:
Oh, no. Look. Now look. Let's stop this fighting. Look, missus Niles. Costello has to borrow us for the broadcast tonight. Yes, dear. May I lend him mine? Tell us Niles. Before I let you do that, I'd lock you up in the attic. But gee, dear, you you just let me out. Oh, come in. Hello, boy. Oh, it's my friend Meyer, the butcher. What's going on, Meyer? Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Am I excited? What is happening to me today shouldn't happen to two dogs. One dog couldn't handle it. Why? What's the matter? Oh, it's my wife, Sophie. After ten years, it's going to happen. Today is the day, and I got to be by her side. So you gotta come over right away, Louie, and take care of my butcher's job. Now wait a minute, Meyer. I can't do that. We're gonna broadcast. I'm gonna do a love scene with with Lynn Berry. Fuck, Lori. Would you rather do a love scene with Lynn Berry than mine mine Butchers' job? Can a duck swim? That's a silly answer. You ask silly questions, you get silly answers.
Because, Bella, come on. We have to get to the studio. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Think of my wife. Lori, you'll never do anything for me. Meyer, you shouldn't say that. Now I do. Now five years ago, I gave you the money to open up the butcher shop. And when you were sick, I paid for the operation. Then when the government was gonna put you in jail, I paid your income tax. And six months ago, when your house was on fire, I ran into the burning building and saved your life. And you say I never do anything for you? Yeah. But what have you done for me lately? Well, Costello, you had to open your big mouth just because you wanna help Meyer. We're stuck here in our butcher shop. But come on. We might as well get the orders out. You dress the chickens. Me dress the chickens? Why should I? Don't roll it up to dress themselves. No. I'll dress the chickens.
You bring me the other pile. What pile? Duck. Why should I duck? I'm not ashamed to help, Meyer. No. I mean duck. Duck in the icebox. Why should I duck in the icebox? You duck in the icebox. You bitch, Tushy. Now here, take it easy. I'm glad to help my friend Meyer and his wonderful little woman. Alright. I know what they're going through. By only last week, a little stranger came to live at our house. Really? Yes. My sister married a midget. Oh, come on. Crastell, you're impossible. Hello? Myers butcher shop. Hello? This is Myers on the wire. Oh, Myers. How's the wife? Anything happen yet? No, Lou. It's a very slow process. I have things by the shop. Oh, listen, Myers. Missus Jones sent back a Christmas turkey you sold. She says it only has one leg. What does she want to do, eat it or dance for that? Oh. Well, did Meyer say when he's coming back? Do you realize that Lynn Barry's probably at the studio now waiting for us? Now, Abbot, this is more important. Let her wait. I got plenty of women waiting for me. Fifty, sixty, 70. 50, 60, 70? Yes. And I wish I could find someone a little younger. Oh, come on. Now, Abbot, women and beautiful women always chase me. See, I don't know why. You think I I don't know.
[00:08:05] Unknown:
At any minute, a gorgeous girl is apt to walk in that door. Oh, there you are, Costello. Oh. Oh. So you wanna borrow my Kenneth's toupee? So you were going to make lots of lindsaye, and now I find you in a butcher
[00:08:18] Unknown:
shop, You're gonna run out of eight coupons. Just tell her for your information, missus Niles is one of Meyer's best customers. Yeah. Now take her order. Yes. I said take her order. Take her order where? Just Did you come in with an order? Never mind that. Take her me to take it? Just take it. Well, somebody is lost. I,
[00:08:37] Unknown:
I
[00:08:40] Unknown:
Mister Costello Yes, dear. I want 20¢ worth of gosli. Shall I wrap it up or do you wanna eat it here?
[00:08:50] Unknown:
No. That oh. Oh, that's the last straw.
[00:08:56] Unknown:
Oh, you see? Now look what you've done.
[00:08:59] Unknown:
Oh, I haven't done done it in all my life. After all these years of praying with my eyes, I've become a new and feel you better.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
It's probably Okay. Okay. Okay. Gustela. Gustela, don't stand there. Apologize. Okay. Come on. Mrs. Niles, if I said anything to offend you, I'm glad of it. Not Stelo. I said apologize. Okay. Mrs. Niles, I'm sorry I suggested that you eat the dog meat here. That better? That's much better. Wait until you get home.
[00:09:33] Unknown:
That's terrible. Oh, that's all. Cancel my order.
[00:09:37] Unknown:
Nyle, you lost missus Nyle's order, Cuss, Devon. You'll have to change your slip. I can't have it. What do you mean you can't change your slip? I'm not wearing any. Oh. Oh, pardon me. Where do I find Lou Costello? That ain't me. That's me.
[00:09:50] Unknown:
Pardon me. Where do I find Lou Costello? Here I am over by the pickle barrel. Well, raise your hand so I'll know which one is you.
[00:09:59] Unknown:
Hey, Abbot. Who is this fresh name? Costello. Don't you recognize her?
[00:10:05] Unknown:
Lynn Barry.
[00:10:10] Unknown:
Gee, miss Barry. How did you ever know, and how did you ever find me in this butcher shop? Where else would I look for a fat meatball?
[00:10:17] Unknown:
Well, see here, Costello. I'm supposed to do a play on your program tonight. Where do you expect to put it on? In this butcher shop? And why not? Lots of plays were done about butcher shops. You ever hear of Hamlet, The Merchant of Venison?
[00:10:31] Unknown:
You ever hear of Amy's Irish Roast? No. Come on. That's ridiculous. Oh, yeah? Ridiculous, How about the story about a hog, Pig Million? That's crazy. Crazy, They even wrote a great picture about cows. What picture? What else can I do? Boy, did I milk that one.
[00:10:57] Unknown:
Come to think of it, how about your last picture? Hit the ice. There was no meat in that one. I don't know. I saw two hands in it.
[00:11:06] Unknown:
Now wait a minute, Layton. Don't pay any attention to Costello. He isn't very b r I g h t. Yes. He does appear to be rather s t u p I d. I heard that. Placing I am, a d o p p? Listen, mister Abbott. What about this play? Well, Lynn, it's an original play, and Costello will be your leading man.
[00:11:28] Unknown:
Costello? He could never play that part. Why not? My leading man must be able to brush me into his arm, sweep me off his off my feet, and carry me away. You don't want a leading man. You want a street cleaner.
[00:11:41] Unknown:
Costello, that's no way to talk to our guest. Can't you be nice? Yes. Miss Barry, if you'll do this plate with me in the butcher shop, I'll take you out after the broadcast. We'll go for a drive. But, Lou, there's no more pleasure driving. Yeah. But there's still pleasure parking.
[00:11:57] Unknown:
Who wants to park in a coupe with a droop?
[00:12:01] Unknown:
Your technique is all wrong, Costello. We've had no pick out a beautiful girl like Lynn Barry, the first thing to do is hire a limousine and chauffeur. A Rolls Royce, of course. Then you buy me flowers. Orchids, naturally. Then cocktails at the Windsor House. Dinner at Romanov. With caviar. And champagne. Then tickets for the theater. First row. After that, you make the rounds of the nightclub. Winding up at the Tracadero. Yeah. Then you get into your limousine again and drive down Wilshire Boulevard. Stop the car. Stop the car. What for?
[00:12:27] Unknown:
I wanna stop at the finance company and make a
[00:12:31] Unknown:
loan. Well, Cartel, we're all ready to do your play. What's it all about? Oh, it's a great story, Abbot. It's about Buffalo Bill and the Wild West. Can you play a western gal, miss Barry?
[00:12:42] Unknown:
Can I play a Western gal? Why, where I come from, they all call me Tex. Where you all come from, Tex? Oklahoma.
[00:12:52] Unknown:
Just a second, Costello. Since when are you a Western character? Are you kidding, partner? What used to call me Six Gun Costello? But I had to change it to two gun. Why? Of course, with Six Gun, every time I took a step, my pants fell down. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. That's another character for you.
[00:13:11] Unknown:
Well, thick gun, I'll agree to play the part. Sounds fawn squaw to me. What's the tip? I said it sounds fawn squaw.
[00:13:20] Unknown:
Oh, fawn squaw. I used to hunt paw down the FBI. Alright. Look. I don't I don't believe all this, Gus. Oh, you're. No. No. No. No. You don't know anything about the West. Oh, no. I was raised on a dud ranch. You mean a dude ranch. I said dud. No women.
[00:13:43] Unknown:
Must have been near No Gals, Arizona. Har har. Lawrence Blois.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
Lou, this is ridiculous. Must be a couple of Southern California. Go ahead, Kim. Set the scene. Go ahead. Set now. Somebody better sit there. And now our play of the evening, a saga of the adventurous West, the life of Buffalo Bill, brought to you direct from Myers Butcher Shop and starring the Abbott and Costello pickle tasting player.
[00:14:13] Unknown:
And as an extra special attraction, Meyer has goose liver at 10¢ a pound. As the seat opens, Buffalo Bill Costello and Buckskin Abbott are on the trail. Suddenly, a shot rings out.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
Hello? Hello? This is Meyer on the wire. Hello there, Meyer. This is Buffalo. What have I got in my store? I'm talking buffalo. No. No, Meyer. This is Buffalo. I'm I'm talking from Indian Heights. Please get him on butcher shop in Boyle Heights. Now Meyer, will you stop bothering me? I gotta go and kill some Indians. What's the matter? We're running out of meat? Oh, never mind that. What's new with Toby? Oh, it's still a very slow process. Look. I can't talk to you now, Meyer. Call me back. This is the craziest play I ever heard. When do I come in? In just a second, Lynn. Costello and I are still on the trail approaching the camp of your father. Read your line, Costello.
Oh, yeah. Buckskin, bud. It's getting dark, and we're gonna run into a heap of trouble. Yes, Buffalo. If we don't reach the Sacae by sundown, the Indians will massacre us in the dark. They'll scap us alive. Well, what are you gonna do? We gotta get word through to Gene Autry. Gene Autry. Buffalo, look. Here comes an Indian chief. He's gonna speak to us. I didn't know you spoke Indian. I thought something went wrong with my typewriter.
[00:15:44] Unknown:
Me
[00:15:48] Unknown:
me welcome you. Me, Chief Flatfoot. Who gave you that name? Great white father? No. Great white drab boy. Chief Flatfoot, I've come to marry your daughter, Moon Eyes, the one over there.
[00:16:03] Unknown:
Moon Eyes could not come. I am her sister, Cross Eyes. Be glad to meet you. Greetings, white fish.
[00:16:12] Unknown:
Not fish, face. Greetings, fish face. I don't think she I don't think she likes you, Buffalo. Now let me handle this. Look here, cross eyed. I want to marry you. Now what do you say, Kyle? No marry you. Me marry the bicarbonate kid. The bicarbonate
[00:16:31] Unknown:
kid? Yes. Wild Bill Hiccup.
[00:16:38] Unknown:
I used to know him as Hopalong acidity. Then everything is settled. White man, you go. What's that? I've been an Indian scout fanatic for a year, and you're the most despicable, obnoxious, incorrigible renegade that I've ever encountered. It's hard words, Buffalo. Hard words? You're right. But I said them.
[00:17:02] Unknown:
Buffalo Bill, you be careful what you say to my father. Be strong. I smell him. Yes. No.
[00:17:13] Unknown:
Be strong. Me not wear shoes. Me not wear clothes. Me sleep in wind, rain, and snow. No roof. Me eat raw corn, raw meat, raw fish. You do all that? Yes. And I'm sick and tired of the whole thing.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Oh, boy. What a play.
[00:17:35] Unknown:
I'm glad you like it.
[00:17:36] Unknown:
Well, and you, girl, I want you to marry me. It's no use. You cannot marry me unless you get my mother's consent. I've taken care of that, Cross Eyes. I married your mother, so now I'm your father. So listen, daughter. You have my consent to marry me as soon as I can get a divorce from your old lady, your mother. Now wait a minute, Buffalo. The Indians are going to attack us. Me afraid, Buffalo. Don't worry, Cross Eyes. Get behind me. If you hear a shot, get in front of me. We're out. Here they come. Run for your line. Hello, Louie. It's me, Meyer. I'm back. Oh, boy. What a play. Costello, Abbott, Ms. Barry, I want to thank you sincerely for watching my butcher shop while my wife's topia is having that crisis. Jean Meyer, well, tell me. What happened?
Such are they. Girls with white uniforms are rushing in and out. I'm walking up and down. I'm biting my nails. I couldn't eat nothing. But everything's fine now wonderful. Sophie is resting up. We are so excited. Crush. What a lucky fellow. Congratulations,
[00:18:43] Unknown:
Meyer. Yeah. What was it, a boy or a girl? The most beautiful playman's name you ever saw.
