In this lively episode, we dive into a comedic skit featuring the classic duo, Abbott and Costello, as they navigate a series of humorous misunderstandings and wordplay. The episode kicks off with a playful exchange about pruning an orange tree, leading to a series of escalating comedic mishaps involving neighbors, shotguns, and mistaken identities. The dialogue is filled with puns and clever wordplay, showcasing the timeless humor of Abbott and Costello.
As the episode unfolds, Costello finds himself in a courtroom drama after a misunderstanding with his neighbor, Mrs. Beanbag, over some oranges. The courtroom antics are filled with absurdity, as Costello's lawyer, Kitzel, attempts to defend him with questionable legal tactics. The episode concludes with a humorous twist involving a mysterious cellmate and a recurring joke about the word "Poco Moco," leaving listeners in stitches. This episode is a delightful throwback to classic comedy, filled with laughter and nostalgia.
(00:00) Introduction and Game Show Parody
(01:00) Costello's Gardening Misadventures
(03:00) The Orange Tree Dispute
(06:38) Courtroom Chaos
(11:19) Prison Cellmate's Tale
(17:58) Release and Final Thoughts
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[00:00:01]
Unknown:
Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring.
[00:00:05] Unknown:
A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire.
[00:00:12] Unknown:
Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. ChumbaCasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumba Casino dot com. No purchase. It
[00:00:30] Unknown:
It is Ryan here, and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like, are you a fist pumper, a woo hooer, a hand clapper, a high fiver? I kinda like the high five, but if you wanna hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. At chumbacasino.com, choose from hundreds of social casino style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly plus free daily bonuses, so don't wait. Start having the most fun ever at chumbacasino.com.
[00:01:01] Unknown:
Hey, Costello. Where in the world have you been? I've been looking for you all day. Oh, I'm a pretty bitchy man. I spent the whole day in my backyard hanging prunes on my orange tree. Hanging prunes on your orange tree? Who told you to do that? My god. He said the orange tree needed pruning.
[00:01:17] Unknown:
What a dope. Your gardener meant you should, get a ladder and saw the limbs. I don't need no ladder. I saw the limbs from my window. Hold on.
[00:01:25] Unknown:
What kind of limbs can you saw from your window? The limbs have Ruby pooped you. She lives in the store. No. No. My girl, you know. No. No. No. I understand. I'm talking about the limbs on your tree. Did you saw the limbs? Certainly, I saw the limbs. They was hanging right in front of me. No. No. No. No. No. You didn't. I asked. I had a button that you saw them. Just a minute. Did you saw them off? Oh, I just told you I saw them off. No. No, Costello.
[00:01:45] Unknown:
You don't saw them on. You saw them off. It was saw. How could I see them? Because you had to see them when you saw them. I had to see them when I saw them? What kind of English is that? Costello, when I say saw, I don't mean the kind of saw you saw when you see. I mean the kind of saw you saw when you saw. Oh, you don't mean the kind of saw you saw when you see. You mean the kind of see you saw when you see saw. Now you've got it. Now I I don't even know what I'm talking about. Oh, Stella, I'm I'm trying to tell you how to prune a tree. Look, Estella. If you want your tree to grow good oranges, it's got to be trimmed before the sap rises. Before the sap rises. Yes.
[00:02:20] Unknown:
Mhmm. Hell, that's right. What time do you get up? I am. Can you talk sense? Look. What kind of oranges grow on your trees? Oh, the regular kind. Round ones. No. No. No. No. Are they are they Valencia's or naval oranges? Oh, these are naval oranges. How do you know? I saw a sale. I'm picking some. No.
[00:02:37] Unknown:
How can you be so stupid? You can tell the difference between, oranges by the color of the juice. Did you ever squeeze one of your oranges? Oh, yeah. And what came out? Milk. Milk? Yeah. How could your oranges have milk in them? I got the trees from the nursery.
[00:02:52] Unknown:
What's wrong with that? What did I tell you?
[00:02:59] Unknown:
Come on with me, Costello. We're going out in the backyard and look at your tree. Hey, wait a minute. Look out that window. There's a big crow sitting up in your tree. Damn it. That crow's got a lot of nerve. Hand me my sawed off shotgun. Alright. Here it is. Hey. Wait a minute. This gun hasn't got any, handle on it. How do you like that? I sawed off the wrong end.
[00:03:17] Unknown:
What watch what you're doing. You're pointing that gun right at me. Do you wanna shoot me? Don't worry. Don't worry. I got my finger over the hole. Hey. Stand back. Stand back, Adam. Alright. I'm gonna teach that crow not to eat my oranges once we get them. Hey. Was that a crow? Uh-uh. That was the old faucet that lives next door.
[00:03:36] Unknown:
Come on, Costello. Let's see what happened. Costello, that was your neighbor, missus Beanbag. That's the one you shot, and here she comes. Oh,
[00:03:46] Unknown:
there you are, you little fat assassin. How dare you shoot at me when I was up in that tree putting oranges in my bucket?
[00:03:52] Unknown:
That'll teach you to keep your bucket out of my tree. After all, I'm tired of people stealing my oranges. Your orange tree. My orange. It don't happen that your orange tree hangs over into my yard, and the law says that whatever hangs over my fence belongs to me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, look at here, missus Beanbag. You ever see a fat man standing on a bar? Yes. What about it? Does the part that hangs over the bar belong to the bartender? Now now, Costello, apologize to missus Beanbag for knocking her out of the tree. Come on. Apologize to me. What did I do? What? You you fell on my hedge and bent my verbena's. Costello, when you know that, you stamped on my Yeah. Yes. Yes. Listen. Put on the kind of flowers I got there. Never mind. Never mind that. Will you stop fighting with a lady? My Harry Hockinson. Never mind. I'm gonna
[00:04:46] Unknown:
say the word. Alright. Well, just
[00:04:48] Unknown:
just don't fight with a lady, please. Yes, young man. You have very bad manners. In my day, men didn't fight with women. In your day, the men were too busy fighting Indians.
[00:04:58] Unknown:
Oh,
[00:05:01] Unknown:
that did it. I've heard enough. I'm going to call my husband. Homer. Oh, there you are. Homer?
[00:05:07] Unknown:
I've just been insulted. Come here and speak to this, Raphael. Yeah. I'm I'm gonna speak to the to the spot. Speak to the
[00:05:16] Unknown:
yeah. Alright, Homer. We're only on a half hour. Come on.
[00:05:22] Unknown:
I'm I'm gonna speak to the hello,
[00:05:26] Unknown:
Look, mister Beanbag, Costello made a very serious mistake. He shot at your wife. Oh, boy. He he he made a worse mistake than that than that. What could be worse than Costello shooting at your wife? He missed her.
[00:05:38] Unknown:
Oh. Oh, no, beanbag. You made you made a worse mistake than that. Hang on. What's the time? You married her.
[00:05:44] Unknown:
Oh, yeah.
[00:05:45] Unknown:
Oh, Homer, beanbag. Are you going to stand there while this man insults me? No. I'm not gonna stand. Bring me a chair. I've had enough of both of you. Mister Costello, I'm taking you into court. I'll teach you to fire your shotgun at a defenseless woman. All I was doing was picking a few oranges.
[00:06:03] Unknown:
Picking a few oranges? Now look here, missus Beanbag. I've been watching you for weeks. I didn't mind when you reached up and took a few oranges for breakfast. I didn't even mind the times when you cannot fill direct them with my oranges. But today, when you climbed my tree with your bucket and hung from a branch by your nose so you could pick with both hands, you not only impute on my sickness grove, but you have killed my monoline.
[00:06:38] Unknown:
Order in the court. The Court of Common Pleas is now in session the case of Mrs. Bessie Beanbag v. Lou Costello. The prisoner is charged with perforating Mrs. Beanbag's bucket.
[00:06:51] Unknown:
Look, missus Beanbag, why can't we drop this case? I didn't mean to shoot at you. Honestly, I didn't. I'm a nice little fella. Why I even leave my chewing gum under theater seats for other people?
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Please, missus Beanbag. Well, Costello, I'm willing to drop the whole case if you'll pay me just a cents to get a new bucket. Gee. You're a well, woman,
[00:07:11] Unknown:
here's here's your 50¢.
[00:07:12] Unknown:
No. You don't, Costello. Abbot, let me pay the 50¢. You will do nothing of the kind if you I said, sir, in a minute. Let me pay her. I said no. Now listen. If you give that woman that money, it shows you're guilty. We're going to fight this case. I've hired you a lawyer. Hey, Evan.
[00:07:38] Unknown:
Hey, Evan. Now get this guy out of here. I'll get my uncle Arty Stephens to defend me. This Kitzel ain't no lawyer. No, no. Just a second. Just a second, Mr. Canzmelio. Canzmelio? Yes. All right. Well, I have you to know I happen to be one of the greatest legal minds in the world. In my first case, I defended Dreyfus. Alfred Dreyfus of Devil's Island? No. Reckless Dreyfus from Coney Island. Oh, now don't give me that stuff, Kisholm. You don't look like a lawyer to me. You don't look like a lawyer to me, and why don't I look like a lawyer to you? You've got your hands in your own pocket. I got my hands in my own pocket.
What do you know? I'm blue. Look, Abbott, please let me pay Mrs. Beanbag the $0.5 and then I can get out of here. Over my dead habeas corpus, Mr. Castillo. You know? We can't lose this case. Just remember that old saying, a burning hand is worth. Go ahead. There's more.
[00:08:42] Unknown:
Everybody rise. Presenting his honor, Judge Sam Quentin Leavenworth.
[00:08:48] Unknown:
All right, Bailiff. Bring in the first bring in the next bring in the whole case.
[00:09:05] Unknown:
You are now, I am representing the defendant Mr. Castoria. Now it seems that my client took a shot at a poor defenseless woman while she was picking oranges out of a tree. He knocked her to the ground, ruined her bucket, and did her great bodily injury. The defense rest. Kitzel, wait a minute. Whose side are you on? Quiet, Costello. Kitzel knows what he's doing. You understand that you know that George and I are old friends. I call him Morris. Well, Morris will give me the chair. However, will you please give missus Beanbag the 50¢?
Mister Kitsil, you may proceed with your question. Thank you, Johanna. Now, Mr. Kastelanich, now I'm a musician. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I do. Your Honor, we plead insanity.
[00:10:04] Unknown:
Kitzel, what's the idea? Estello, he's taking advantage of the law. He's he's making use of the insanity clause. But I don't believe insanity clause.
[00:10:17] Unknown:
That's the way it's written. The court finds the defendant, Luca Stello, guilty as charged. He will pay missus Beanbag fifty cents or serve thirty days in jail. Abbott, please let me give this woman her $50.00 dollars Oh, no, you don't. And you're sir, because we're going to appeal this case to a higher core. Don't forget the words of that great poet, Stone walls do not have prison make nor iron bars are key. Yes. And don't forget the words of that other great poet, Tom Sisyphus. He says thirty days has September, April, June, and Lou Costello. Abbott, would you mind holding up this 500 pound ball?
Why don't you please let me pay Mrs. Beanbag the $0.5 Your Honor, I would like to ask my client just one question. Request granted. Thank you. Now Mr. Cantelo, tell the jury, where were you on the afternoon of February 4? I was home. Oh, you poor boy. You should have been with me. I had a wonderful time. You know I had two bottles of Sjafening. Sjafening? Yes. What's happening? Nothing much. What's happening with you? Abbott. Abbott. Why? Can you please get me off this rock pile? Costello,
[00:12:08] Unknown:
why are you always complaining? You should be thankful that I got myself a job as God so I could be with you. It's been
[00:12:15] Unknown:
a
[00:12:17] Unknown:
terrible mistake. My husband, Homer, didn't die of lead poisoning. After all, the doctors removed all the buckshot.
[00:12:24] Unknown:
Hank, heavens, Homer got the lead out.
[00:12:34] Unknown:
Yes. Yes, I'm so happy. Tomorrow morning, you could walk out if you're a free man.
[00:12:40] Unknown:
Guard put the prisoner in his cell until morning. Alright. Cassello, in you go.
[00:12:46] Unknown:
Habit. Habit. It's a matter now. I don't wanna spend the night in this cell. The place is full of rats. Don't be afraid. I'm here. I know it put us to little rats I'm afraid of. Abbott. Abbott.
[00:13:01] Unknown:
No. I'm back here now. There's another guy in my cell. Look at the looks of that guy. That's your cellmate. That's your cellmate. What's the matter? He'll be glad to have you for company. See you later, Costello. So long.
[00:13:14] Unknown:
Looks like he's got company already. What a raggedy individual. What are you in here for, partner?
[00:13:21] Unknown:
Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't realize you were talking to me. Thank you for calling me partner. Those are the first kind words I've heard in years. You have a very kind face, little man, sort of an open one. You see, I haven't always been a raggedy, scurvy looking outcast like you. If you have some measure of intelligence,
[00:13:45] Unknown:
my story might interest you. Did you go to school? Yes, sir. I went to school last year. Did you pass your examination? No, sir. But I was first on the list of those that failed.
[00:13:56] Unknown:
Tell you, well, I'll tell you my story. I don't care to hear it. Well, and I will positively tell it to you. When I was a boy, my father gave me the benefit of a very good education. Eight years at preparatory school and college. I would pardon diligently. I soon became a success and sat down in a small and thriving community, and then I met her. We were married. The good gods of fortune smiled down upon us and blessed us with a baby boy.
[00:14:25] Unknown:
A boy, mind you. And I haven't seen my boy since this very day. You haven't seen your little boy from that day until this? No. Wait a minute. Did he have curly black hair? Yes. And did he have little blue eyes? Yes. Yes. And did he have two little teeth in his mouth? Yes. Papa.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
Papa. I worked harder than never for my little family. And then one day, the other man came into my life. He was a poor man, broken in health and spirit. I welcomed him into my home gladly. I said, make my home your home, and he did.
[00:15:08] Unknown:
Oh, you poor man.
[00:15:11] Unknown:
One day, I returned from going to find that home was no longer home. Do you know what it was?
[00:15:17] Unknown:
Third Base? No. George, stop. No. Second base? No.
[00:15:24] Unknown:
My home was an empty shell. My wife, the baby, and the stranger had fled. Then I started a search that lasted years. I followed them around the world, Honolulu, China, Singapore, India. Then one day on the banks of the river Poka Moko, I found him. Him. When I saw him stand there, all the hatred, all the pentamomost of years suffering dwelled up within me. So with murder in my heart, so long. Step by step by step, I have clapped upon him. And when I felt this vile breath upon my cheek, Come
[00:16:20] Unknown:
here, come on, Come here, come on. Come on. Priscilla. What are you doing down there on that floor? Get me out of here. Get off that floor. Get up.
[00:16:31] Unknown:
Maybe the man wants to talk to you.
[00:16:35] Unknown:
Oh, God, dupes. What have I done?
[00:16:39] Unknown:
What haven't you done? What's happening to me? What's happening to me?
[00:16:44] Unknown:
Oh, yes. Yes. I remember you now. You're the little man with a kind face. I didn't mean to hide you, but every time I hear the word Poco Moco,
[00:16:54] Unknown:
I want a skin. That's alright, pal. I know how you feel. I would have done the same thing if I had seen that nasty man in Poco. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. You didn't hear me say it. What did you say? Poco Moco. Poco Moco. I said it.
[00:17:12] Unknown:
I could help myself when I hide the wade. I want to see it's not a limit to what my thing is. So slow. Step by step, step by step, I cut the pollen. And when I saw the spike upon the skeleton edge, I sneered.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Castello, what are you doing on that floor? Oh, fuck. I put you in here to keep the man company. Come on. Get up. Come on. Get up. Here comes the warden. Hello? I have here your release. You've been completely exonerated, and you may be in the jail at once. Well, Costello,
[00:18:06] Unknown:
shake hands with your old cellmate, and let's get going. Not me. I don't think you guys better go near that guy, Abbott. He eats too many Wheaties. Oh, nonsense. He looks like a nice old man. He might have been a nice old man once, but something must have happened to him at Poco Oh, hey. I didn't say it. This guy is trying to get me to say that word epic, and I don't wanna say it. What word? Word. What word is that? Sounds like Pocahontas. Pocahontas. Pocahontas. What word are you worrying about? What is it? It sounds like Pocahontas. So what is it? Poco moco.
Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring.
[00:00:05] Unknown:
A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire.
[00:00:12] Unknown:
Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. ChumbaCasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumba Casino dot com. No purchase. It
[00:00:30] Unknown:
It is Ryan here, and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like, are you a fist pumper, a woo hooer, a hand clapper, a high fiver? I kinda like the high five, but if you wanna hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. At chumbacasino.com, choose from hundreds of social casino style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly plus free daily bonuses, so don't wait. Start having the most fun ever at chumbacasino.com.
[00:01:01] Unknown:
Hey, Costello. Where in the world have you been? I've been looking for you all day. Oh, I'm a pretty bitchy man. I spent the whole day in my backyard hanging prunes on my orange tree. Hanging prunes on your orange tree? Who told you to do that? My god. He said the orange tree needed pruning.
[00:01:17] Unknown:
What a dope. Your gardener meant you should, get a ladder and saw the limbs. I don't need no ladder. I saw the limbs from my window. Hold on.
[00:01:25] Unknown:
What kind of limbs can you saw from your window? The limbs have Ruby pooped you. She lives in the store. No. No. My girl, you know. No. No. No. I understand. I'm talking about the limbs on your tree. Did you saw the limbs? Certainly, I saw the limbs. They was hanging right in front of me. No. No. No. No. No. You didn't. I asked. I had a button that you saw them. Just a minute. Did you saw them off? Oh, I just told you I saw them off. No. No, Costello.
[00:01:45] Unknown:
You don't saw them on. You saw them off. It was saw. How could I see them? Because you had to see them when you saw them. I had to see them when I saw them? What kind of English is that? Costello, when I say saw, I don't mean the kind of saw you saw when you see. I mean the kind of saw you saw when you saw. Oh, you don't mean the kind of saw you saw when you see. You mean the kind of see you saw when you see saw. Now you've got it. Now I I don't even know what I'm talking about. Oh, Stella, I'm I'm trying to tell you how to prune a tree. Look, Estella. If you want your tree to grow good oranges, it's got to be trimmed before the sap rises. Before the sap rises. Yes.
[00:02:20] Unknown:
Mhmm. Hell, that's right. What time do you get up? I am. Can you talk sense? Look. What kind of oranges grow on your trees? Oh, the regular kind. Round ones. No. No. No. No. Are they are they Valencia's or naval oranges? Oh, these are naval oranges. How do you know? I saw a sale. I'm picking some. No.
[00:02:37] Unknown:
How can you be so stupid? You can tell the difference between, oranges by the color of the juice. Did you ever squeeze one of your oranges? Oh, yeah. And what came out? Milk. Milk? Yeah. How could your oranges have milk in them? I got the trees from the nursery.
[00:02:52] Unknown:
What's wrong with that? What did I tell you?
[00:02:59] Unknown:
Come on with me, Costello. We're going out in the backyard and look at your tree. Hey, wait a minute. Look out that window. There's a big crow sitting up in your tree. Damn it. That crow's got a lot of nerve. Hand me my sawed off shotgun. Alright. Here it is. Hey. Wait a minute. This gun hasn't got any, handle on it. How do you like that? I sawed off the wrong end.
[00:03:17] Unknown:
What watch what you're doing. You're pointing that gun right at me. Do you wanna shoot me? Don't worry. Don't worry. I got my finger over the hole. Hey. Stand back. Stand back, Adam. Alright. I'm gonna teach that crow not to eat my oranges once we get them. Hey. Was that a crow? Uh-uh. That was the old faucet that lives next door.
[00:03:36] Unknown:
Come on, Costello. Let's see what happened. Costello, that was your neighbor, missus Beanbag. That's the one you shot, and here she comes. Oh,
[00:03:46] Unknown:
there you are, you little fat assassin. How dare you shoot at me when I was up in that tree putting oranges in my bucket?
[00:03:52] Unknown:
That'll teach you to keep your bucket out of my tree. After all, I'm tired of people stealing my oranges. Your orange tree. My orange. It don't happen that your orange tree hangs over into my yard, and the law says that whatever hangs over my fence belongs to me. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, look at here, missus Beanbag. You ever see a fat man standing on a bar? Yes. What about it? Does the part that hangs over the bar belong to the bartender? Now now, Costello, apologize to missus Beanbag for knocking her out of the tree. Come on. Apologize to me. What did I do? What? You you fell on my hedge and bent my verbena's. Costello, when you know that, you stamped on my Yeah. Yes. Yes. Listen. Put on the kind of flowers I got there. Never mind. Never mind that. Will you stop fighting with a lady? My Harry Hockinson. Never mind. I'm gonna
[00:04:46] Unknown:
say the word. Alright. Well, just
[00:04:48] Unknown:
just don't fight with a lady, please. Yes, young man. You have very bad manners. In my day, men didn't fight with women. In your day, the men were too busy fighting Indians.
[00:04:58] Unknown:
Oh,
[00:05:01] Unknown:
that did it. I've heard enough. I'm going to call my husband. Homer. Oh, there you are. Homer?
[00:05:07] Unknown:
I've just been insulted. Come here and speak to this, Raphael. Yeah. I'm I'm gonna speak to the to the spot. Speak to the
[00:05:16] Unknown:
yeah. Alright, Homer. We're only on a half hour. Come on.
[00:05:22] Unknown:
I'm I'm gonna speak to the hello,
[00:05:26] Unknown:
Look, mister Beanbag, Costello made a very serious mistake. He shot at your wife. Oh, boy. He he he made a worse mistake than that than that. What could be worse than Costello shooting at your wife? He missed her.
[00:05:38] Unknown:
Oh. Oh, no, beanbag. You made you made a worse mistake than that. Hang on. What's the time? You married her.
[00:05:44] Unknown:
Oh, yeah.
[00:05:45] Unknown:
Oh, Homer, beanbag. Are you going to stand there while this man insults me? No. I'm not gonna stand. Bring me a chair. I've had enough of both of you. Mister Costello, I'm taking you into court. I'll teach you to fire your shotgun at a defenseless woman. All I was doing was picking a few oranges.
[00:06:03] Unknown:
Picking a few oranges? Now look here, missus Beanbag. I've been watching you for weeks. I didn't mind when you reached up and took a few oranges for breakfast. I didn't even mind the times when you cannot fill direct them with my oranges. But today, when you climbed my tree with your bucket and hung from a branch by your nose so you could pick with both hands, you not only impute on my sickness grove, but you have killed my monoline.
[00:06:38] Unknown:
Order in the court. The Court of Common Pleas is now in session the case of Mrs. Bessie Beanbag v. Lou Costello. The prisoner is charged with perforating Mrs. Beanbag's bucket.
[00:06:51] Unknown:
Look, missus Beanbag, why can't we drop this case? I didn't mean to shoot at you. Honestly, I didn't. I'm a nice little fella. Why I even leave my chewing gum under theater seats for other people?
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Please, missus Beanbag. Well, Costello, I'm willing to drop the whole case if you'll pay me just a cents to get a new bucket. Gee. You're a well, woman,
[00:07:11] Unknown:
here's here's your 50¢.
[00:07:12] Unknown:
No. You don't, Costello. Abbot, let me pay the 50¢. You will do nothing of the kind if you I said, sir, in a minute. Let me pay her. I said no. Now listen. If you give that woman that money, it shows you're guilty. We're going to fight this case. I've hired you a lawyer. Hey, Evan.
[00:07:38] Unknown:
Hey, Evan. Now get this guy out of here. I'll get my uncle Arty Stephens to defend me. This Kitzel ain't no lawyer. No, no. Just a second. Just a second, Mr. Canzmelio. Canzmelio? Yes. All right. Well, I have you to know I happen to be one of the greatest legal minds in the world. In my first case, I defended Dreyfus. Alfred Dreyfus of Devil's Island? No. Reckless Dreyfus from Coney Island. Oh, now don't give me that stuff, Kisholm. You don't look like a lawyer to me. You don't look like a lawyer to me, and why don't I look like a lawyer to you? You've got your hands in your own pocket. I got my hands in my own pocket.
What do you know? I'm blue. Look, Abbott, please let me pay Mrs. Beanbag the $0.5 and then I can get out of here. Over my dead habeas corpus, Mr. Castillo. You know? We can't lose this case. Just remember that old saying, a burning hand is worth. Go ahead. There's more.
[00:08:42] Unknown:
Everybody rise. Presenting his honor, Judge Sam Quentin Leavenworth.
[00:08:48] Unknown:
All right, Bailiff. Bring in the first bring in the next bring in the whole case.
[00:09:05] Unknown:
You are now, I am representing the defendant Mr. Castoria. Now it seems that my client took a shot at a poor defenseless woman while she was picking oranges out of a tree. He knocked her to the ground, ruined her bucket, and did her great bodily injury. The defense rest. Kitzel, wait a minute. Whose side are you on? Quiet, Costello. Kitzel knows what he's doing. You understand that you know that George and I are old friends. I call him Morris. Well, Morris will give me the chair. However, will you please give missus Beanbag the 50¢?
Mister Kitsil, you may proceed with your question. Thank you, Johanna. Now, Mr. Kastelanich, now I'm a musician. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I do. Your Honor, we plead insanity.
[00:10:04] Unknown:
Kitzel, what's the idea? Estello, he's taking advantage of the law. He's he's making use of the insanity clause. But I don't believe insanity clause.
[00:10:17] Unknown:
That's the way it's written. The court finds the defendant, Luca Stello, guilty as charged. He will pay missus Beanbag fifty cents or serve thirty days in jail. Abbott, please let me give this woman her $50.00 dollars Oh, no, you don't. And you're sir, because we're going to appeal this case to a higher core. Don't forget the words of that great poet, Stone walls do not have prison make nor iron bars are key. Yes. And don't forget the words of that other great poet, Tom Sisyphus. He says thirty days has September, April, June, and Lou Costello. Abbott, would you mind holding up this 500 pound ball?
Why don't you please let me pay Mrs. Beanbag the $0.5 Your Honor, I would like to ask my client just one question. Request granted. Thank you. Now Mr. Cantelo, tell the jury, where were you on the afternoon of February 4? I was home. Oh, you poor boy. You should have been with me. I had a wonderful time. You know I had two bottles of Sjafening. Sjafening? Yes. What's happening? Nothing much. What's happening with you? Abbott. Abbott. Why? Can you please get me off this rock pile? Costello,
[00:12:08] Unknown:
why are you always complaining? You should be thankful that I got myself a job as God so I could be with you. It's been
[00:12:15] Unknown:
a
[00:12:17] Unknown:
terrible mistake. My husband, Homer, didn't die of lead poisoning. After all, the doctors removed all the buckshot.
[00:12:24] Unknown:
Hank, heavens, Homer got the lead out.
[00:12:34] Unknown:
Yes. Yes, I'm so happy. Tomorrow morning, you could walk out if you're a free man.
[00:12:40] Unknown:
Guard put the prisoner in his cell until morning. Alright. Cassello, in you go.
[00:12:46] Unknown:
Habit. Habit. It's a matter now. I don't wanna spend the night in this cell. The place is full of rats. Don't be afraid. I'm here. I know it put us to little rats I'm afraid of. Abbott. Abbott.
[00:13:01] Unknown:
No. I'm back here now. There's another guy in my cell. Look at the looks of that guy. That's your cellmate. That's your cellmate. What's the matter? He'll be glad to have you for company. See you later, Costello. So long.
[00:13:14] Unknown:
Looks like he's got company already. What a raggedy individual. What are you in here for, partner?
[00:13:21] Unknown:
Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't realize you were talking to me. Thank you for calling me partner. Those are the first kind words I've heard in years. You have a very kind face, little man, sort of an open one. You see, I haven't always been a raggedy, scurvy looking outcast like you. If you have some measure of intelligence,
[00:13:45] Unknown:
my story might interest you. Did you go to school? Yes, sir. I went to school last year. Did you pass your examination? No, sir. But I was first on the list of those that failed.
[00:13:56] Unknown:
Tell you, well, I'll tell you my story. I don't care to hear it. Well, and I will positively tell it to you. When I was a boy, my father gave me the benefit of a very good education. Eight years at preparatory school and college. I would pardon diligently. I soon became a success and sat down in a small and thriving community, and then I met her. We were married. The good gods of fortune smiled down upon us and blessed us with a baby boy.
[00:14:25] Unknown:
A boy, mind you. And I haven't seen my boy since this very day. You haven't seen your little boy from that day until this? No. Wait a minute. Did he have curly black hair? Yes. And did he have little blue eyes? Yes. Yes. And did he have two little teeth in his mouth? Yes. Papa.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
Papa. I worked harder than never for my little family. And then one day, the other man came into my life. He was a poor man, broken in health and spirit. I welcomed him into my home gladly. I said, make my home your home, and he did.
[00:15:08] Unknown:
Oh, you poor man.
[00:15:11] Unknown:
One day, I returned from going to find that home was no longer home. Do you know what it was?
[00:15:17] Unknown:
Third Base? No. George, stop. No. Second base? No.
[00:15:24] Unknown:
My home was an empty shell. My wife, the baby, and the stranger had fled. Then I started a search that lasted years. I followed them around the world, Honolulu, China, Singapore, India. Then one day on the banks of the river Poka Moko, I found him. Him. When I saw him stand there, all the hatred, all the pentamomost of years suffering dwelled up within me. So with murder in my heart, so long. Step by step by step, I have clapped upon him. And when I felt this vile breath upon my cheek, Come
[00:16:20] Unknown:
here, come on, Come here, come on. Come on. Priscilla. What are you doing down there on that floor? Get me out of here. Get off that floor. Get up.
[00:16:31] Unknown:
Maybe the man wants to talk to you.
[00:16:35] Unknown:
Oh, God, dupes. What have I done?
[00:16:39] Unknown:
What haven't you done? What's happening to me? What's happening to me?
[00:16:44] Unknown:
Oh, yes. Yes. I remember you now. You're the little man with a kind face. I didn't mean to hide you, but every time I hear the word Poco Moco,
[00:16:54] Unknown:
I want a skin. That's alright, pal. I know how you feel. I would have done the same thing if I had seen that nasty man in Poco. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. You didn't hear me say it. What did you say? Poco Moco. Poco Moco. I said it.
[00:17:12] Unknown:
I could help myself when I hide the wade. I want to see it's not a limit to what my thing is. So slow. Step by step, step by step, I cut the pollen. And when I saw the spike upon the skeleton edge, I sneered.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Castello, what are you doing on that floor? Oh, fuck. I put you in here to keep the man company. Come on. Get up. Come on. Get up. Here comes the warden. Hello? I have here your release. You've been completely exonerated, and you may be in the jail at once. Well, Costello,
[00:18:06] Unknown:
shake hands with your old cellmate, and let's get going. Not me. I don't think you guys better go near that guy, Abbott. He eats too many Wheaties. Oh, nonsense. He looks like a nice old man. He might have been a nice old man once, but something must have happened to him at Poco Oh, hey. I didn't say it. This guy is trying to get me to say that word epic, and I don't wanna say it. What word? Word. What word is that? Sounds like Pocahontas. Pocahontas. Pocahontas. What word are you worrying about? What is it? It sounds like Pocahontas. So what is it? Poco moco.
