In this lively episode, we dive into the world of humor and entertainment with a comedic skit featuring Abbott and Costello. The duo navigates a series of hilarious situations, from dealing with a publicity man named Needle to embarking on a whimsical adventure across the desert to rescue a princess. The episode is filled with quick wit, clever wordplay, and classic comedic timing that showcases why Abbott and Costello remain beloved figures in comedy.
Listeners are treated to a blend of slapstick humor and clever dialogue as the characters find themselves in absurd scenarios, including a farm work routine that spirals into chaos and a desert escapade that involves mistaken identities and playful banter. The episode captures the essence of classic radio comedy, offering a nostalgic yet timeless experience that highlights the enduring appeal of Abbott and Costello's comedic genius.
(00:30) Introduction and Fun with Ryan
(01:18) Surprise Guest and Hollywood Humor
(03:55) Publicity Plans and Farm Adventures
(06:09) Turkish Actors and Language Jokes
(09:25) The Two Bedouins: A Desert Saga
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
[00:00:00]
Unknown:
With Lucky Lane slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom? Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:14] Unknown:
No. Lucky Lane Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry.
[00:00:18] Unknown:
In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:21] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for
[00:00:29] Unknown:
See website for details. Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun, Chamba Casino. They have hundreds of social casino style games to choose from with new games released each week. You can play for free anytime, anywhere, and each day brings a new chance to collect daily bonuses. So join me in the fun. Sign up now at chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary. VW, avoid where prohibited by laws. See terms and conditions 18 plus. I bloom.
[00:01:18] Unknown:
Cassello, I've got a big surprise for you. Who do you think is coming over here tonight? It's a lot of Turner? Nope. Well, it's got it? Nope. Betty Graber? Nope. Then I don't care. Oh, cashed up. I I'm surprised at you. All you think of is women. Don't you realize that here in Hollywood, pretty girls are a dime a dozen. A dime a dozen? Certainly. And I've been spending my money on jellybeans. Oh. And then sometimes I would buy Ciroccle. Ciroccle? That's licorice spelled backwards. Oh, okay. Well, then, Scott, tell look. I've invited the greatest press agent in town to come here and handle your public relations. Not so fast at it. What do you mean? I'll handle my own relations. I couldn't turn poor old aunt Minnie over to a stranger, you know. Before I do that, I'd rather send her back to the kennel. No. No. No. No. I'm not talking about your relatives. I'm talking about public relations. Now you're famous for your funny stories and this man will publicize your anecdotes.
He wouldn't dare. He hasn't got the nerve. What do you mean? I don't mind being amissified. I will. But when you're gonna start with my incident, that's enough. Now wait a minute. Look. No. It's not. He's gonna try to make me famous at some point. Lou, that'll make you famous. I still have my pride, you know. Alright. Listen, Godzilla. My amitrication's gone, but I don't pride. Listen, Costello. This man This man has great contacts with all her picture studios. He knows, Cary Grant from RKO lot, Spencer Tracy from the MGM lot, Humphrey Bogart from the Warner Lot. Does he know cockeyed Louie? Where is he from? The parking lot. Can't be Frank Sinatra. He can't knock that hard. All this at me. He was here last week.
Now that may be the publicity name. Come in.
[00:03:03] Unknown:
I beg your pardon. Which one of you is Mr. Costello? I'm with Costello. Well, I'm so glad I got here in time. I'm Mrs. Crutch, Mr. Costello. And my daughter's very sick. She's off the meat. So Oh, that's too bad. Yes. And she listens to your program every week and I come here to ask you a great favor. What's that? Please don't go on tonight. We want her to get well.
[00:03:32] Unknown:
How do you like that? She gets $40 for that one measly joke. David, that's Frank Sinatra. Although it's awful loud for a knock. That was last week. I gotta get him in. Alright. Come in.
[00:03:55] Unknown:
Good Good evening, mister Abbott. Is this your partner, mister Costello? That's him. I do blame. Certainly is. Now wait a minute, Abbott. Who is this guy? That's the, publicity man. My name is Needle, but that's not the point. I understand you need a man to handle your business and publicity. Could you give me that again, please? I say my name is Needle, but that's not the point. I understand that you need a man to handle your business and your publicity. Well, I thought Alright. I'll take the job. I certainly talked him into that one, didn't I?
Alright. Now let's discuss my salary. Why a man in my standing must receive a weekly stipend commensurate with my ability. Shall we say $500 What? Thank you. I know you'd agree to that. I'll be a trainer. Great plan for you, Costello. I have a campaign mapped out for you that will make you Wait a minute. Wait a minute. $500 a week. How can you afford the work for cheap? I do my own launch. Now that you've signed the contract, we'll get busy with your publicity. Now the first thing I'm going to do is get you a job on a farm so you can get some action pictures of you working on a farm. And what do I have to do? Very simple, Cartel. The first thing you do is you roll out a bit of 04:00 in the morning, milk 20 or 30 cows, punch a few barrels of water from the well, chop it on a cupboard. Feel the chickens, take the goats, clean out the staples, and zingo. You're ready for breakfast. Could I have an extra bowl of Wheaties?
Firstly, sir, to my boy. Now right after breakfast, you over hold the tractor,
[00:05:18] Unknown:
Chocolate soda with no straws. I'll dump it down. I'm fast. Fine. Fine.
[00:05:25] Unknown:
Now right after lunch, you get out your shovel, you dig a drain to ditch around the barn, repair all the fences, clean the saddle, churn the butter, thresh the wheat, and spray the potatoes, prune the trees, trim the hedges, weed the cabbage, brush, fill all the land, and bed down the cows, curl the horses, and, bingo, you're ready for supper. All I do is eat. Right after supper, you hitch up the buggy, you take
[00:06:09] Unknown:
Well, Jesse Costello, this is the man you need. Hey, Evan. Where Where have you been? Where where were you when I was working on that farm?
[00:06:17] Unknown:
I mean, I've never been through so many zingos in my life. Now now, Costello, mister Needle isn't on a fan. He is? Needle, look me in the eye. Yes, sir. You wouldn't stick me, would you? Of course not. Costello, I'm here to build up your program now. Last week, you had Frank Sinatra at your guest. Who did he got on your show this week? Abbott and me. Brother, you're in trouble.
[00:06:42] Unknown:
Did you ever see such a breeze in your life?
[00:06:46] Unknown:
Hey. Isn't that wonderful, Costello? Is that what he said? That's what he said. Oh. Did you hear him? Oh, he'll be here next Thursday. Oh, he'll be here next Thursday? Yeah. Turin Bay. Guy cuts some turkey, don't he? That's right. Well, in that case, he'll have to talk turkey to him. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Oh, go ahead. I'll tell him. Turin Bay is not a turkey. He's a Turkish gentleman, and he speaks English. He's a linguist. He's, familiar with, many tongues. He's familiar with lots of tongues? That's right. He's a linguist. He ain't no English. He's a delicate person. No. No. No. No. Tongues are languages. Tongues are language. That's right. Well, saloon, have it? Where are you going? I'm gonna get a language sandwich on rye bread with mustard. Abbott. Right. You had no business letting that guy need to invite term bay over here next week. Why? I don't know nothing about Turkish actors. Well, what do you have to know? The only Turk I know is he he he's a Turkish civilian. Turkish civilian? What's his name? Hasn't been drafted.
But but, surely, you've seen hello. Surely, you're seeing Torun Bay on the screen and his lovely leading lady the princess Ben Ali. Princess Ben Ali? Yes. His leading lady? Yes. I know a brother, fallen Ali. Oh no. Hi. Hey. What was that?
[00:08:24] Unknown:
I am the princess Ben Ali. Turn based leading lady. Leading lady?
[00:08:31] Unknown:
Get a load of that post. He must lead her around by the nose. Quiet, Custer. Quiet. She may be a she may be a member of a harem. For that sister, she must be the harem's scaring. She why. My master We made a picture called Lost in a Heron. I know. I know. Never mind that. Well, we lost. Alright.
[00:08:55] Unknown:
My master Farid Harambe has instructed me to prepare you gentlemen for his visit. I have written a play of the Far East, which should put you in the mood to receive the master. Come, let us enter my tent so you may study your path.
[00:09:10] Unknown:
Heather, she's been living in the tent so long, she's flat happy. Well, nevertheless, we're going to do as she says, we can't offend for another. Come on. Ladies and gentlemen, through the courtesy of her and say, we now present a soggy, sagging saga of the Sahara starring Evelyn Costello and the princess Ben Ali entitled: The Two Bedouins, or It's Time to Change the Sheep. As the scene opens, we see two foot door and weary Arabs, hudging across the desk. Abbot, I can't take I mean, I can't. I can't take How do you like that English? I can't take another step. This sand is terrible. What are you complaining about? I've got a hole in the side of my shoe and the sand keeps pouring in. Why don't you cut a hole on the other side and let it run out?
Be quiet, Cartelo. Hey, look. Here comes a man staggering toward me. Sand. Sand. Sand everywhere. Sand all around me. And I forgot my bucket. Hey. Who are you? Oh, just an old air raid warden. We should have saved him for a blackout. Well We should have saved him for a blackout. I had Somebody's killed. Alright. Quiet. No place for two blackouts. We must hurry, Catello. The lovely princess Benelli is being held captive by the wicked Sultan, Akbay Elibe. That Akse Elibe is serving on the pot. Shh. Quiet. We're approaching the Sultan's tent. Help.
[00:10:55] Unknown:
Help, baby, baby.
[00:10:58] Unknown:
Castillo. That's the voice of the princess. It's coming from this tent. Hello,
[00:11:03] Unknown:
Nurse. Hello, Nurse, producer. It's me, your friend, the rip. Hello, rip. What do you hear from the rat? Things are pretty rough with the rat. Flip flop. Aye.
[00:11:13] Unknown:
Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. A Hey.
[00:11:18] Unknown:
It's dark in this it's dark in this pen, Princess. I can hardly see. There she is. Have it. Boy, she sure has gotten skinny. You're looking at the tent pole, Susan. I mean, I'm one over here with a turban on my head. My. But that's a pretty turban? Yes. It was designed by Diana. How do you like that? It's a new Diana turban. Come, Princess. We will help you escape from these worthless talking. Shh. Hey. Take a minute. Someone's coming. Listen. The world will always welcome lovers as time goes by. Who's that? That's Humphrey Bogart. He's still walking back from Casablanca.
[00:12:06] Unknown:
Please, please, please, you must get me out of here. This person is going to tell me of this place. Don't worry, Princess. We'll help you escape it. But it's 500 miles across the desert. Do you have a car? No. Do you have a jeep? No. Or do you have a horseman? No. But I got a wagon. So who's going to pull the wagon? My little Pekinese dog. Why how can a little Pekinese dog pull the three of us in a big wagon? We got whipped.
[00:12:33] Unknown:
Somebody's coming. Hey. It's the sultan. At the Elie Bay. So I'd catch you red handed trying to steal the speed of a princess. Oh, it's a procedure. Hey, Abbot. When I give the signal say, I'll stay the ice blade. You get it? Put out the lights. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Come on, Costello. I've got the salt and horses. Let's go. Okay. Get it. Don't look now, but my horse is better than you dummy turn around in your saddle. Horses, stop. Stop. I got those things trained. No. We did it, Castello. We escaped from the Southland and saved the beautiful princess.
Now this is the last scene. You gently lift the princess from her horse. You caress her slowly. Lift her veil. Then what do you do? Single. I'm ready for lunch.
With Lucky Lane slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom? Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:14] Unknown:
No. Lucky Lane Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry.
[00:00:18] Unknown:
In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:21] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for
[00:00:29] Unknown:
See website for details. Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun, Chamba Casino. They have hundreds of social casino style games to choose from with new games released each week. You can play for free anytime, anywhere, and each day brings a new chance to collect daily bonuses. So join me in the fun. Sign up now at chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary. VW, avoid where prohibited by laws. See terms and conditions 18 plus. I bloom.
[00:01:18] Unknown:
Cassello, I've got a big surprise for you. Who do you think is coming over here tonight? It's a lot of Turner? Nope. Well, it's got it? Nope. Betty Graber? Nope. Then I don't care. Oh, cashed up. I I'm surprised at you. All you think of is women. Don't you realize that here in Hollywood, pretty girls are a dime a dozen. A dime a dozen? Certainly. And I've been spending my money on jellybeans. Oh. And then sometimes I would buy Ciroccle. Ciroccle? That's licorice spelled backwards. Oh, okay. Well, then, Scott, tell look. I've invited the greatest press agent in town to come here and handle your public relations. Not so fast at it. What do you mean? I'll handle my own relations. I couldn't turn poor old aunt Minnie over to a stranger, you know. Before I do that, I'd rather send her back to the kennel. No. No. No. No. I'm not talking about your relatives. I'm talking about public relations. Now you're famous for your funny stories and this man will publicize your anecdotes.
He wouldn't dare. He hasn't got the nerve. What do you mean? I don't mind being amissified. I will. But when you're gonna start with my incident, that's enough. Now wait a minute. Look. No. It's not. He's gonna try to make me famous at some point. Lou, that'll make you famous. I still have my pride, you know. Alright. Listen, Godzilla. My amitrication's gone, but I don't pride. Listen, Costello. This man This man has great contacts with all her picture studios. He knows, Cary Grant from RKO lot, Spencer Tracy from the MGM lot, Humphrey Bogart from the Warner Lot. Does he know cockeyed Louie? Where is he from? The parking lot. Can't be Frank Sinatra. He can't knock that hard. All this at me. He was here last week.
Now that may be the publicity name. Come in.
[00:03:03] Unknown:
I beg your pardon. Which one of you is Mr. Costello? I'm with Costello. Well, I'm so glad I got here in time. I'm Mrs. Crutch, Mr. Costello. And my daughter's very sick. She's off the meat. So Oh, that's too bad. Yes. And she listens to your program every week and I come here to ask you a great favor. What's that? Please don't go on tonight. We want her to get well.
[00:03:32] Unknown:
How do you like that? She gets $40 for that one measly joke. David, that's Frank Sinatra. Although it's awful loud for a knock. That was last week. I gotta get him in. Alright. Come in.
[00:03:55] Unknown:
Good Good evening, mister Abbott. Is this your partner, mister Costello? That's him. I do blame. Certainly is. Now wait a minute, Abbott. Who is this guy? That's the, publicity man. My name is Needle, but that's not the point. I understand you need a man to handle your business and publicity. Could you give me that again, please? I say my name is Needle, but that's not the point. I understand that you need a man to handle your business and your publicity. Well, I thought Alright. I'll take the job. I certainly talked him into that one, didn't I?
Alright. Now let's discuss my salary. Why a man in my standing must receive a weekly stipend commensurate with my ability. Shall we say $500 What? Thank you. I know you'd agree to that. I'll be a trainer. Great plan for you, Costello. I have a campaign mapped out for you that will make you Wait a minute. Wait a minute. $500 a week. How can you afford the work for cheap? I do my own launch. Now that you've signed the contract, we'll get busy with your publicity. Now the first thing I'm going to do is get you a job on a farm so you can get some action pictures of you working on a farm. And what do I have to do? Very simple, Cartel. The first thing you do is you roll out a bit of 04:00 in the morning, milk 20 or 30 cows, punch a few barrels of water from the well, chop it on a cupboard. Feel the chickens, take the goats, clean out the staples, and zingo. You're ready for breakfast. Could I have an extra bowl of Wheaties?
Firstly, sir, to my boy. Now right after breakfast, you over hold the tractor,
[00:05:18] Unknown:
Chocolate soda with no straws. I'll dump it down. I'm fast. Fine. Fine.
[00:05:25] Unknown:
Now right after lunch, you get out your shovel, you dig a drain to ditch around the barn, repair all the fences, clean the saddle, churn the butter, thresh the wheat, and spray the potatoes, prune the trees, trim the hedges, weed the cabbage, brush, fill all the land, and bed down the cows, curl the horses, and, bingo, you're ready for supper. All I do is eat. Right after supper, you hitch up the buggy, you take
[00:06:09] Unknown:
Well, Jesse Costello, this is the man you need. Hey, Evan. Where Where have you been? Where where were you when I was working on that farm?
[00:06:17] Unknown:
I mean, I've never been through so many zingos in my life. Now now, Costello, mister Needle isn't on a fan. He is? Needle, look me in the eye. Yes, sir. You wouldn't stick me, would you? Of course not. Costello, I'm here to build up your program now. Last week, you had Frank Sinatra at your guest. Who did he got on your show this week? Abbott and me. Brother, you're in trouble.
[00:06:42] Unknown:
Did you ever see such a breeze in your life?
[00:06:46] Unknown:
Hey. Isn't that wonderful, Costello? Is that what he said? That's what he said. Oh. Did you hear him? Oh, he'll be here next Thursday. Oh, he'll be here next Thursday? Yeah. Turin Bay. Guy cuts some turkey, don't he? That's right. Well, in that case, he'll have to talk turkey to him. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Oh, go ahead. I'll tell him. Turin Bay is not a turkey. He's a Turkish gentleman, and he speaks English. He's a linguist. He's, familiar with, many tongues. He's familiar with lots of tongues? That's right. He's a linguist. He ain't no English. He's a delicate person. No. No. No. No. Tongues are languages. Tongues are language. That's right. Well, saloon, have it? Where are you going? I'm gonna get a language sandwich on rye bread with mustard. Abbott. Right. You had no business letting that guy need to invite term bay over here next week. Why? I don't know nothing about Turkish actors. Well, what do you have to know? The only Turk I know is he he he's a Turkish civilian. Turkish civilian? What's his name? Hasn't been drafted.
But but, surely, you've seen hello. Surely, you're seeing Torun Bay on the screen and his lovely leading lady the princess Ben Ali. Princess Ben Ali? Yes. His leading lady? Yes. I know a brother, fallen Ali. Oh no. Hi. Hey. What was that?
[00:08:24] Unknown:
I am the princess Ben Ali. Turn based leading lady. Leading lady?
[00:08:31] Unknown:
Get a load of that post. He must lead her around by the nose. Quiet, Custer. Quiet. She may be a she may be a member of a harem. For that sister, she must be the harem's scaring. She why. My master We made a picture called Lost in a Heron. I know. I know. Never mind that. Well, we lost. Alright.
[00:08:55] Unknown:
My master Farid Harambe has instructed me to prepare you gentlemen for his visit. I have written a play of the Far East, which should put you in the mood to receive the master. Come, let us enter my tent so you may study your path.
[00:09:10] Unknown:
Heather, she's been living in the tent so long, she's flat happy. Well, nevertheless, we're going to do as she says, we can't offend for another. Come on. Ladies and gentlemen, through the courtesy of her and say, we now present a soggy, sagging saga of the Sahara starring Evelyn Costello and the princess Ben Ali entitled: The Two Bedouins, or It's Time to Change the Sheep. As the scene opens, we see two foot door and weary Arabs, hudging across the desk. Abbot, I can't take I mean, I can't. I can't take How do you like that English? I can't take another step. This sand is terrible. What are you complaining about? I've got a hole in the side of my shoe and the sand keeps pouring in. Why don't you cut a hole on the other side and let it run out?
Be quiet, Cartelo. Hey, look. Here comes a man staggering toward me. Sand. Sand. Sand everywhere. Sand all around me. And I forgot my bucket. Hey. Who are you? Oh, just an old air raid warden. We should have saved him for a blackout. Well We should have saved him for a blackout. I had Somebody's killed. Alright. Quiet. No place for two blackouts. We must hurry, Catello. The lovely princess Benelli is being held captive by the wicked Sultan, Akbay Elibe. That Akse Elibe is serving on the pot. Shh. Quiet. We're approaching the Sultan's tent. Help.
[00:10:55] Unknown:
Help, baby, baby.
[00:10:58] Unknown:
Castillo. That's the voice of the princess. It's coming from this tent. Hello,
[00:11:03] Unknown:
Nurse. Hello, Nurse, producer. It's me, your friend, the rip. Hello, rip. What do you hear from the rat? Things are pretty rough with the rat. Flip flop. Aye.
[00:11:13] Unknown:
Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. A Hey.
[00:11:18] Unknown:
It's dark in this it's dark in this pen, Princess. I can hardly see. There she is. Have it. Boy, she sure has gotten skinny. You're looking at the tent pole, Susan. I mean, I'm one over here with a turban on my head. My. But that's a pretty turban? Yes. It was designed by Diana. How do you like that? It's a new Diana turban. Come, Princess. We will help you escape from these worthless talking. Shh. Hey. Take a minute. Someone's coming. Listen. The world will always welcome lovers as time goes by. Who's that? That's Humphrey Bogart. He's still walking back from Casablanca.
[00:12:06] Unknown:
Please, please, please, you must get me out of here. This person is going to tell me of this place. Don't worry, Princess. We'll help you escape it. But it's 500 miles across the desert. Do you have a car? No. Do you have a jeep? No. Or do you have a horseman? No. But I got a wagon. So who's going to pull the wagon? My little Pekinese dog. Why how can a little Pekinese dog pull the three of us in a big wagon? We got whipped.
[00:12:33] Unknown:
Somebody's coming. Hey. It's the sultan. At the Elie Bay. So I'd catch you red handed trying to steal the speed of a princess. Oh, it's a procedure. Hey, Abbot. When I give the signal say, I'll stay the ice blade. You get it? Put out the lights. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Come on, Costello. I've got the salt and horses. Let's go. Okay. Get it. Don't look now, but my horse is better than you dummy turn around in your saddle. Horses, stop. Stop. I got those things trained. No. We did it, Castello. We escaped from the Southland and saved the beautiful princess.
Now this is the last scene. You gently lift the princess from her horse. You caress her slowly. Lift her veil. Then what do you do? Single. I'm ready for lunch.
