In this hilarious episode, we dive into a comedic skit featuring the classic duo, Abbott and Costello. The episode kicks off with a series of humorous exchanges about unusual places people have gotten lucky, leading into a chaotic and entertaining storyline involving Costello's newfound canine friend, Hector. As Costello tries to keep Hector, a supposed airplane dog, Abbott insists on getting rid of him, leading to a series of comedic mishaps, including an auction gone awry and a mix-up at a pet shop.
The episode continues with Costello's antics as he attempts to win a dog show with Hector to pay for the dog, resulting in a series of laugh-out-loud moments. From mistaken identities to clever wordplay, the episode is filled with classic slapstick humor and witty banter. The chaos culminates in a pet shop showdown, where Costello's brother Sebastian adds to the hilarity by impersonating a dog, leading to a series of misunderstandings and comedic resolutions. Join us for a delightful romp through Abbott and Costello's world of humor and mischief.
(00:00) Introduction and Game Show Parody
(01:13) Costello's New Dog and Comedy Skit
(06:17) Pet Shop Antics and Dog Auction
(10:20) The Great North Hollywood Dog Show
(15:02) Conclusion and Final Comedy Bits
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[00:00:01]
Unknown:
Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring.
[00:00:05] Unknown:
A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire.
[00:00:12] Unknown:
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[00:01:13] Unknown:
Well, well, Costello, what's going on here?
[00:01:18] Unknown:
Costello. Costello.
[00:01:20] Unknown:
Alright. Alright. Quiet. Hector. Down, Hector. Costello, what's the idea of bringing that dog in here? Where did you get him? Oh, I found him, Abbot. Well, let him lose. Oh, no. No. Not me. I'm not gonna lose him. I'm gonna keep him. He's a genuine airplane dog. An airplane dog? Yeah. Look at his tail spin.
[00:01:34] Unknown:
Oh, no. No.
[00:01:35] Unknown:
That's,
[00:01:36] Unknown:
you're going to take that dog out of here right now. Oh, no, Abbot. Please don't ask me to do that. I said yes. Don't make me chase this little dog away. Now? He's taking the place of my other little dog that died. His name was Girdle. Girdle? Yep. How did you happen to name a dog Girdle? Because we kept him tied up in the daytime, we let him out at night.
[00:01:54] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:01:58] Unknown:
Oh, I remember that dog you had. He was a dachshund,
[00:02:02] Unknown:
one of those long dogs. Yeah. My mother bought that long dog for us kids so we could all pet him at the same time.
[00:02:08] Unknown:
How does he happen to die, Lou? It's a sad tale, Abbott. Well He met his end going around a tree. Alright, Hector. Alright. Quiet. Quiet.
[00:02:19] Unknown:
Listen to him, Abbott. He's got asthma. Costello, will you please get that mud out of here? No. He's a smart dog. I'm not gonna do it. He's a smart dog. I could get him out of here. No. I won't. Look. Hector, how much is one on one? See? Now he's right, ain't he, Abbot? Well, yeah. One on one is I got it here. Yeah. Sure. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. It is. Hector, how much is to it too? Isn't that amazing?
[00:02:44] Unknown:
Yeah. And I had to tell Abbott what time it is.
[00:02:50] Unknown:
Quarter after seven. You know, I think we should've got a real dog for this pot. The producers always put his relatives on the show.
[00:03:01] Unknown:
Just like me and my uncle, Artie Stevens. I love Castello. He gets in. Listen. You've got to get rid of this dog. Now I know what we'll do. We'll take this dog out on the street, and we'll auction them all. We'll probably get 3 or $4 for it. Now come on. Okay. Now let's get started here. Ladies and gentlemen, step right up here. We are about to auction off this beautiful dog. In fact, neighbors, he is one of the most famous dogs in Hollywood. What kind of a dog is he, mister? Lady, do you remember the famous dog, Strongheart? Yes. I remember Strongheart.
[00:03:31] Unknown:
Well, this is his brother, weak liver.
[00:03:35] Unknown:
I think that dog is a flea hound. Look. He's sweating himself. You're wrong, madam. He's a watch dog. He's winding himself up.
[00:03:43] Unknown:
Pastel, will you please step aside? Now madam, would you like to make the first bid for this dog? Well, I didn't intend to bid. You didn't what? In 10? 10 dollars has been fit by the lady. Who make 11?
[00:03:55] Unknown:
No. Just a minute. Don't pull any of those dirty Dirty $6 has been paid.
[00:04:01] Unknown:
Do I hear 37? Just a minute, you crooks. My wife didn't fit for that dog. She certainly did. I'll give you a six to five. 60 five has been fit by this gentleman. Who make it 66?
[00:04:11] Unknown:
Oh, come on, Andy. Eighty dollars has been paid.
[00:04:15] Unknown:
And what?
[00:04:16] Unknown:
And what I'll buy for $80? Why, you can raise $500 on this dog. Oh, yeah. You'd have to be Tarzan to raise 500 on that dog. You'd have to be what? Tarzan. Sold. Sold to this gentleman for a Tarzan dollar. You guys are nothing but fake. Come on, dear. Let's get out of here. Okay. Excuse me. Go ahead. Come here, Costello.
[00:04:36] Unknown:
What? The crowd is breaking up. Hurry up. Get out there among the people and and be a shill. Now if somebody says $1, you say $2. If somebody says $2, you say $3. I get it. I get it. I know what you mean. Yeah. What whatever it is is the bid, I keep raising the price. That's right. Whoo. Alright. Alright. Now now, who will bid $1 to start the sale? I will. Quiet. Cost, Tella, you have no money. I'll bid a dollar. That's fine. Now who'll say $2? Please won't somebody say $2? Will the lady who said a dollar say a dollar again? $2. Yeah. That's better. Thank you. Will any will anybody say 3? 3 dollars. Thank you, sir. Now will anybody say 4? 4 dollars. So this beautiful dog for $4. Now will the winner the winner wait a minute. Where is the winner? By the way, sir please raise your hand, please? Get back. Right. Costello.
Wait. Costello. It was me. Get back in that crowd. Okay. Get back there. You haven't got a dime. Folks, there's been a mistake in the bidding. Will the gentleman who said $3 bid again $3. Would you like to make it 4? No. $3 as far as I go. But this dog is worth at least 4. Won't somebody please say 4, please? Well, very well. Going. Going once for $3. Going for $4. Quiet. Who said $4? I said $4. Thank you. Sold for $4. Who said that $4? Raise your hand again. I did again. Costello, what's the matter with you? That's the second time you've gummed up the auction. Why don't you keep out of this? You haven't got a dime.
[00:06:05] Unknown:
Can I help it if I love dogs? Oh, please.
[00:06:18] Unknown:
Well, well, well, come right in, gentlemen. Welcome to Red Martin's pet shop. See. That looks like my lost dog you have there. Yes, mister Martin. My friend Costello found your dog, and I made him bring him back. Well, that's fine. And here's your $25 reward. Mister Martin, I don't want the reward. I wanna keep the dog. I love that little pooch. Well, young man, the dog is for sale, but I must warn you, he's very valuable. This dog is worth $200.
[00:06:42] Unknown:
He's worth $200?
[00:06:43] Unknown:
How could a little dog save up all that money?
[00:06:47] Unknown:
Costello, mister Morton means you'll have to pay $200
[00:06:50] Unknown:
for the dog. That's right, young man. Have you any idea about what this dog's breed is? His what? His breed.
[00:06:56] Unknown:
He breeds to his nose like anybody else. Costella, we're wasting this man's time now. You can't afford to buy this dog. Wait a minute, Albert. You can't afford it. I gotta have this dog. Mister Martin, why can't I go to work for you in your pet shop? I'll let you keep all my salary to pay for the dog.
[00:07:12] Unknown:
Very well, young man. I'll pay you whatever you'll work. Oh, no. I gotta have some money.
[00:07:19] Unknown:
Mister Martin, Costello will take the job. Now have him here at 08:00 in the morning. Well, Costello, it's our first day in mister Martin's pet shop, so be on your toes. Uh-oh. Here comes a customer.
[00:07:37] Unknown:
Good morning, madam. What can I do for you? I would like $10.10 worth of dog meat. Shall I wrap it up, or will you eat it here? I'll never come in your face again.
[00:07:49] Unknown:
Now see what you did, Costello? She died with thick mac. Yeah. That lady drove away in a huff, and she's fuming. Must be that ration gas we're getting. Now look. Please get busy, Costello, and take care of those puppies. Hey. I forgot to tell you. What? One of these puppies have the sniffles. I I don't know what to do. Well, if the puppy has a cold, just fill a long tube with some cold medicine, then place one end of the tube in the dog's mouth and take a deep breath and blow. That's no good. I tried it. And what happened? The dog flew first. I wait a minute.
Hello? Martin's Pet Shop. Who? Missus Pike? Oh, yes. Yes. I'll send Costello over for it. What kind of a dog have you? A Pekingese. Okay, missus Pike. Costello, I want you to go over and get a peek at missus Pike's.
[00:08:32] Unknown:
Get a peek at missus Pike's? Yes. Why can't I take a good look? Listen, you dummy. I want you to go after Pike's Peak. You want me to go after Pike's Peak? What am I, a mountain climber?
[00:08:47] Unknown:
Look, Crustell, I want you to go to missus Pike's house and you'll see her peek around the yard.
[00:08:52] Unknown:
I'll see her peek around the yard? Yeah. Well, what do you want me to do? Play hide and seek with her? No. No. No. Look at this. Push, push, push. What do you mean? I gotta finish washing a dog. What dog? You know, it's a little white dog that,
[00:09:04] Unknown:
spits.
[00:09:04] Unknown:
No. But it drools a little. Look.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
Never mind that. Now after you come back for missus Pikes, I want you to take care of missus Brown's chow. Her what? Her chow.
[00:09:16] Unknown:
How is missus Brown's chow? What are you asking me for? I never ate at the lady's house.
[00:09:21] Unknown:
Do you realize that mister Martin is going to fight you before you even earn a dollar to pay for that dog? No. He ain't have it because I got a big idea. Do you see that poster on the wall? Yes. It says big dog show tonight. First prize, $200. Dog. I'm gonna take Hector to the dog show. He'll win the money, and I'll pay mister Morton in full. But, Costello, you can't take that dog away from the store. Suppose mister Morton comes back and finds the dog's coop empty. Why, he could have you arrested. Just think of the headline in the papers. Costello takes dog and fleas. Oh, no. I'm just taking a dog. I'm gonna leave a fleas here.
[00:09:51] Unknown:
Anyway, Abbott, you'll never know the dog is missing. I'll get my little brother Sebastian to hide in the coop, and he'll take the dog's place before we get back. Oh, Costello. That's ridiculous. Sebastian could never fool mister Martin into believing he's a dog. Is that so? Certainly. He's fooled plenty of people already. You mean people really mistake Sebastian for a dog? Well, he's only seven years old, and my mother had to find him back from the dog, catches five times. Oh, now, please.
[00:10:21] Unknown:
Quiet, everybody. Quiet. We are about to start the great North Hollywood dog show. Now all you people who have entries will kindly form a line to the right and file your dog past the judges.
[00:10:34] Unknown:
Castello, what are you doing? Well, I the guy told me to file my dog.
[00:10:43] Unknown:
Put put that file down.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
The man wants you to, promenade your dog. I can't do that, Abbot. I left my promenade home. What promenade? The promenade I put on my hair. No. Don't know you dummy. The stuff you put on your hair is pomade. Oh, no. It ain't, Abbot. Pomade is the stuff my father drinks. Your father drinks pomade? Mhmm. Pomade it, and Pa drinks it. Blood. Blood, blood. I must have blood. Gallons of blood. I've got to have blood. Who are you? Oh, just an old bloodhound. Look, Niles, will you get out of here? Look, Niles. You're so skinny if you had any blood, you look like a thermometer
[00:11:25] Unknown:
at low temperature. Gentlemen, come. Come. You're holding up the dog show. I'm anxious to get started. I expect to win the first prize with my dog. You could win it without the dog. Oh, Costello, that's no way to talk to a lady. That's right, young man. I am a great dog fanciest, missus Beacon Van Sorege. I have one of the largest kennels in the country. Why don't you go on a diet? Oh, you think you're so smart, but your dog will never beat my dog. He's a doberman pincher. A doberman what? Pincher. Pincher.
[00:12:01] Unknown:
No. No. Woah.
[00:12:09] Unknown:
Woah. Why I'm so what are you doing? You told me to pinch her. Come on, Crustell. It's time to take the dogs into the judging ring. Yeah. Come on, Hector. Come on, Hector.
[00:12:22] Unknown:
Alright. Alright. Take a look. Hector, will you stop painting? Stop it. Now we gotta go in there and win that $200,
[00:12:28] Unknown:
and then you'll belong all to me. Hi. How are you? At dog shows, I'm up there.
[00:12:35] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, don't tell me it's our old friend, Kitzel.
[00:12:44] Unknown:
You could be.
[00:12:45] Unknown:
Yes. You know, I came here to win the dog show. I got some very oppety properties. Yes. Yeah. Just take a look and just find the come here, Einstein. Hey, Kittel. Yes. Why do you call him Einstein? Well, because nobody can explain his relativity. Oh, my. He's a kind
[00:13:11] Unknown:
of Hey, Kitzel. He looks, more like a pointer setter. I couldn't get sick. What's a pointer setter? He sets in the kitchen and points at the icebox. I don't think you'll ever win a prize with that dog, K
[00:13:26] Unknown:
I know. But wait a minute, Lou. A minute, Lou. A hundred dollars. I'm just saying that. That little dog. But that's no way to talk. Your dog out of here. I know dog that's no way to talk about other dogs, Lou. Mitchell has a fine looking dog there. Yeah. But, Abbot, he don't look healthy to me. What makes his tongue hang way out like that? What makes his tongue hang way out? He was born with a long tail, and he's trying to keep his balance.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
Well, I don't believe it. Yeah. I think he's trying to pick up dimes.
[00:13:55] Unknown:
No. No. It's just okay. It's all too late quick. Oh, he plays a little pinochle.
[00:14:00] Unknown:
Pinochle? You mean your dog plays cards? Uh-huh. Well, he must be plenty smart. Oh, pis pis. He's not so smart.
[00:14:08] Unknown:
Last night, I beat him two games out of three.
[00:14:12] Unknown:
Look. Your dog don't compare to my dog, Kitzel. Now Hector can really do good tricks. Yeah. Would you like to see him climb a ladder? Your dog can climb a ladder. Uh-huh. This I got to see. Well, this you're gonna see. Come here, Hector. Attaboy, Hector. Look, Hector, I want you to start climbing the ladder. There he goes. Now he's on the first rung. The second. The third rung. There you are, Kitsel. He went all the way up to the top. Okay, Hector. Now jump down in my arms. Attaboy.
[00:14:40] Unknown:
That's what I call climbing a ladder. Now just a second. Just stop there.
[00:14:45] Unknown:
I don't see any ladder.
[00:15:03] Unknown:
We are awarding the first prize of $200 to this little fat dog here wearing the brown blanket.
[00:15:10] Unknown:
Now wait a minute, Niles. You're pointing at me, and I ain't no dog.
[00:15:16] Unknown:
My ears are too short.
[00:15:19] Unknown:
What am I saying? Will you be quiet, Costello? You wanna make a liar out of the judges?
[00:15:25] Unknown:
I killed that one, didn't I? Alright. Alright. Look, Costello. Don't argue. You've got the $200. Let's go. We've gotta get back to, Morton's Pet Shop and get your brother Sebastian out of that dog coop.
[00:15:42] Unknown:
Oh ho. So there you are, Costello, you dog thief.
[00:15:46] Unknown:
What's the idea of taking my champion dog out of his coop and putting that little boy in there? Mister Morton, I just borrowed the dog for a little while. Oh, please, mister Morton. I only took him out on the government plan. You took him out on the government plan? Yeah. Lend Leash. No. Just the leash I could do. Alright. Alright.
[00:16:02] Unknown:
Look, mister Martin, Costello hasn't harmed the dog, and he now has the $200 to pay you for him. That's right, mister Martin. Here's the money. Wrap the dog up as a gift. Wrap the dog?
[00:16:11] Unknown:
I've got a good notion to wrap you in the nose. You left your little brother in that coop, and when I went to let him out, he bit me.
[00:16:18] Unknown:
He bit you? Sebastian, come out of that coop. Yes, Sebastian.
[00:16:24] Unknown:
Come here. Did you really bite mister Martin?
[00:16:27] Unknown:
Yes. I did, uncle Bud. I snuck up and bit him while he was feeding his other pets. Now wait a minute, Sebastian. Where did you bite him? I bit them between the bird cage and the fishbowl.
[00:16:42] Unknown:
Sebastian, don't you know it's wrong to bite people? Don't you realize that you can cause a great deal of harm and trouble? I know it's And that eventually, you might even go to jail. That's right. I don't know why. Why why do you do these things so much? I I don't know why I do these things. Well, you must have a reason for it. Oh, I'm a bad
[00:17:00] Unknown:
boy.
[00:17:04] Unknown:
I heard enough of this. I'm not only keeping the dog, but I'm taking the $200 for personal damages, and I'm throwing you three bumps out of here.
[00:17:21] Unknown:
11. 11. Hey, Evan. Hey, Evan. Look what he did. He broke my watch crystal.
[00:17:26] Unknown:
It's all your fault, Sebastian.
[00:17:28] Unknown:
Why did you bite mister Martin? I'll tell you why I put him on the butt. I didn't mind it this morning when he threw me that tickled dog biscuit. I even ate the bones he gave me for lunch. And I didn't mind it when he put my ears and covered me with flea powder. But when the guy hit me on the head because I wouldn't wag my tail, that
[00:17:55] Unknown:
did
[00:17:59] Unknown:
it.
Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring.
[00:00:05] Unknown:
A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire.
[00:00:12] Unknown:
Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. Chumbacasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumbacasino.com. No purchase. Number to the server. Eighteen plus starts, editions apply, see website for details. Luckyland Casino asking people what's the weirdest place you've gotten lucky. Lucky? In line of the deli, I guess? In my dentist's office. More than once, actually. Do I have to say? Yes. You do. In the car before my kids' PTA meeting. Really? Yes. Excuse Excuse me. What's the weirdest place you've gotten lucky? I never win in town. Well, there you have it. You could get lucky anywhere playing at luckylandslots.com. Play for free right now. Are you feeling lucky? No purchase necessary. Void record written by law. 18 plus terms and conditions plus c website for details.
[00:01:13] Unknown:
Well, well, Costello, what's going on here?
[00:01:18] Unknown:
Costello. Costello.
[00:01:20] Unknown:
Alright. Alright. Quiet. Hector. Down, Hector. Costello, what's the idea of bringing that dog in here? Where did you get him? Oh, I found him, Abbot. Well, let him lose. Oh, no. No. Not me. I'm not gonna lose him. I'm gonna keep him. He's a genuine airplane dog. An airplane dog? Yeah. Look at his tail spin.
[00:01:34] Unknown:
Oh, no. No.
[00:01:35] Unknown:
That's,
[00:01:36] Unknown:
you're going to take that dog out of here right now. Oh, no, Abbot. Please don't ask me to do that. I said yes. Don't make me chase this little dog away. Now? He's taking the place of my other little dog that died. His name was Girdle. Girdle? Yep. How did you happen to name a dog Girdle? Because we kept him tied up in the daytime, we let him out at night.
[00:01:54] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:01:58] Unknown:
Oh, I remember that dog you had. He was a dachshund,
[00:02:02] Unknown:
one of those long dogs. Yeah. My mother bought that long dog for us kids so we could all pet him at the same time.
[00:02:08] Unknown:
How does he happen to die, Lou? It's a sad tale, Abbott. Well He met his end going around a tree. Alright, Hector. Alright. Quiet. Quiet.
[00:02:19] Unknown:
Listen to him, Abbott. He's got asthma. Costello, will you please get that mud out of here? No. He's a smart dog. I'm not gonna do it. He's a smart dog. I could get him out of here. No. I won't. Look. Hector, how much is one on one? See? Now he's right, ain't he, Abbot? Well, yeah. One on one is I got it here. Yeah. Sure. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. It is. Hector, how much is to it too? Isn't that amazing?
[00:02:44] Unknown:
Yeah. And I had to tell Abbott what time it is.
[00:02:50] Unknown:
Quarter after seven. You know, I think we should've got a real dog for this pot. The producers always put his relatives on the show.
[00:03:01] Unknown:
Just like me and my uncle, Artie Stevens. I love Castello. He gets in. Listen. You've got to get rid of this dog. Now I know what we'll do. We'll take this dog out on the street, and we'll auction them all. We'll probably get 3 or $4 for it. Now come on. Okay. Now let's get started here. Ladies and gentlemen, step right up here. We are about to auction off this beautiful dog. In fact, neighbors, he is one of the most famous dogs in Hollywood. What kind of a dog is he, mister? Lady, do you remember the famous dog, Strongheart? Yes. I remember Strongheart.
[00:03:31] Unknown:
Well, this is his brother, weak liver.
[00:03:35] Unknown:
I think that dog is a flea hound. Look. He's sweating himself. You're wrong, madam. He's a watch dog. He's winding himself up.
[00:03:43] Unknown:
Pastel, will you please step aside? Now madam, would you like to make the first bid for this dog? Well, I didn't intend to bid. You didn't what? In 10? 10 dollars has been fit by the lady. Who make 11?
[00:03:55] Unknown:
No. Just a minute. Don't pull any of those dirty Dirty $6 has been paid.
[00:04:01] Unknown:
Do I hear 37? Just a minute, you crooks. My wife didn't fit for that dog. She certainly did. I'll give you a six to five. 60 five has been fit by this gentleman. Who make it 66?
[00:04:11] Unknown:
Oh, come on, Andy. Eighty dollars has been paid.
[00:04:15] Unknown:
And what?
[00:04:16] Unknown:
And what I'll buy for $80? Why, you can raise $500 on this dog. Oh, yeah. You'd have to be Tarzan to raise 500 on that dog. You'd have to be what? Tarzan. Sold. Sold to this gentleman for a Tarzan dollar. You guys are nothing but fake. Come on, dear. Let's get out of here. Okay. Excuse me. Go ahead. Come here, Costello.
[00:04:36] Unknown:
What? The crowd is breaking up. Hurry up. Get out there among the people and and be a shill. Now if somebody says $1, you say $2. If somebody says $2, you say $3. I get it. I get it. I know what you mean. Yeah. What whatever it is is the bid, I keep raising the price. That's right. Whoo. Alright. Alright. Now now, who will bid $1 to start the sale? I will. Quiet. Cost, Tella, you have no money. I'll bid a dollar. That's fine. Now who'll say $2? Please won't somebody say $2? Will the lady who said a dollar say a dollar again? $2. Yeah. That's better. Thank you. Will any will anybody say 3? 3 dollars. Thank you, sir. Now will anybody say 4? 4 dollars. So this beautiful dog for $4. Now will the winner the winner wait a minute. Where is the winner? By the way, sir please raise your hand, please? Get back. Right. Costello.
Wait. Costello. It was me. Get back in that crowd. Okay. Get back there. You haven't got a dime. Folks, there's been a mistake in the bidding. Will the gentleman who said $3 bid again $3. Would you like to make it 4? No. $3 as far as I go. But this dog is worth at least 4. Won't somebody please say 4, please? Well, very well. Going. Going once for $3. Going for $4. Quiet. Who said $4? I said $4. Thank you. Sold for $4. Who said that $4? Raise your hand again. I did again. Costello, what's the matter with you? That's the second time you've gummed up the auction. Why don't you keep out of this? You haven't got a dime.
[00:06:05] Unknown:
Can I help it if I love dogs? Oh, please.
[00:06:18] Unknown:
Well, well, well, come right in, gentlemen. Welcome to Red Martin's pet shop. See. That looks like my lost dog you have there. Yes, mister Martin. My friend Costello found your dog, and I made him bring him back. Well, that's fine. And here's your $25 reward. Mister Martin, I don't want the reward. I wanna keep the dog. I love that little pooch. Well, young man, the dog is for sale, but I must warn you, he's very valuable. This dog is worth $200.
[00:06:42] Unknown:
He's worth $200?
[00:06:43] Unknown:
How could a little dog save up all that money?
[00:06:47] Unknown:
Costello, mister Morton means you'll have to pay $200
[00:06:50] Unknown:
for the dog. That's right, young man. Have you any idea about what this dog's breed is? His what? His breed.
[00:06:56] Unknown:
He breeds to his nose like anybody else. Costella, we're wasting this man's time now. You can't afford to buy this dog. Wait a minute, Albert. You can't afford it. I gotta have this dog. Mister Martin, why can't I go to work for you in your pet shop? I'll let you keep all my salary to pay for the dog.
[00:07:12] Unknown:
Very well, young man. I'll pay you whatever you'll work. Oh, no. I gotta have some money.
[00:07:19] Unknown:
Mister Martin, Costello will take the job. Now have him here at 08:00 in the morning. Well, Costello, it's our first day in mister Martin's pet shop, so be on your toes. Uh-oh. Here comes a customer.
[00:07:37] Unknown:
Good morning, madam. What can I do for you? I would like $10.10 worth of dog meat. Shall I wrap it up, or will you eat it here? I'll never come in your face again.
[00:07:49] Unknown:
Now see what you did, Costello? She died with thick mac. Yeah. That lady drove away in a huff, and she's fuming. Must be that ration gas we're getting. Now look. Please get busy, Costello, and take care of those puppies. Hey. I forgot to tell you. What? One of these puppies have the sniffles. I I don't know what to do. Well, if the puppy has a cold, just fill a long tube with some cold medicine, then place one end of the tube in the dog's mouth and take a deep breath and blow. That's no good. I tried it. And what happened? The dog flew first. I wait a minute.
Hello? Martin's Pet Shop. Who? Missus Pike? Oh, yes. Yes. I'll send Costello over for it. What kind of a dog have you? A Pekingese. Okay, missus Pike. Costello, I want you to go over and get a peek at missus Pike's.
[00:08:32] Unknown:
Get a peek at missus Pike's? Yes. Why can't I take a good look? Listen, you dummy. I want you to go after Pike's Peak. You want me to go after Pike's Peak? What am I, a mountain climber?
[00:08:47] Unknown:
Look, Crustell, I want you to go to missus Pike's house and you'll see her peek around the yard.
[00:08:52] Unknown:
I'll see her peek around the yard? Yeah. Well, what do you want me to do? Play hide and seek with her? No. No. No. Look at this. Push, push, push. What do you mean? I gotta finish washing a dog. What dog? You know, it's a little white dog that,
[00:09:04] Unknown:
spits.
[00:09:04] Unknown:
No. But it drools a little. Look.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
Never mind that. Now after you come back for missus Pikes, I want you to take care of missus Brown's chow. Her what? Her chow.
[00:09:16] Unknown:
How is missus Brown's chow? What are you asking me for? I never ate at the lady's house.
[00:09:21] Unknown:
Do you realize that mister Martin is going to fight you before you even earn a dollar to pay for that dog? No. He ain't have it because I got a big idea. Do you see that poster on the wall? Yes. It says big dog show tonight. First prize, $200. Dog. I'm gonna take Hector to the dog show. He'll win the money, and I'll pay mister Morton in full. But, Costello, you can't take that dog away from the store. Suppose mister Morton comes back and finds the dog's coop empty. Why, he could have you arrested. Just think of the headline in the papers. Costello takes dog and fleas. Oh, no. I'm just taking a dog. I'm gonna leave a fleas here.
[00:09:51] Unknown:
Anyway, Abbott, you'll never know the dog is missing. I'll get my little brother Sebastian to hide in the coop, and he'll take the dog's place before we get back. Oh, Costello. That's ridiculous. Sebastian could never fool mister Martin into believing he's a dog. Is that so? Certainly. He's fooled plenty of people already. You mean people really mistake Sebastian for a dog? Well, he's only seven years old, and my mother had to find him back from the dog, catches five times. Oh, now, please.
[00:10:21] Unknown:
Quiet, everybody. Quiet. We are about to start the great North Hollywood dog show. Now all you people who have entries will kindly form a line to the right and file your dog past the judges.
[00:10:34] Unknown:
Castello, what are you doing? Well, I the guy told me to file my dog.
[00:10:43] Unknown:
Put put that file down.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
The man wants you to, promenade your dog. I can't do that, Abbot. I left my promenade home. What promenade? The promenade I put on my hair. No. Don't know you dummy. The stuff you put on your hair is pomade. Oh, no. It ain't, Abbot. Pomade is the stuff my father drinks. Your father drinks pomade? Mhmm. Pomade it, and Pa drinks it. Blood. Blood, blood. I must have blood. Gallons of blood. I've got to have blood. Who are you? Oh, just an old bloodhound. Look, Niles, will you get out of here? Look, Niles. You're so skinny if you had any blood, you look like a thermometer
[00:11:25] Unknown:
at low temperature. Gentlemen, come. Come. You're holding up the dog show. I'm anxious to get started. I expect to win the first prize with my dog. You could win it without the dog. Oh, Costello, that's no way to talk to a lady. That's right, young man. I am a great dog fanciest, missus Beacon Van Sorege. I have one of the largest kennels in the country. Why don't you go on a diet? Oh, you think you're so smart, but your dog will never beat my dog. He's a doberman pincher. A doberman what? Pincher. Pincher.
[00:12:01] Unknown:
No. No. Woah.
[00:12:09] Unknown:
Woah. Why I'm so what are you doing? You told me to pinch her. Come on, Crustell. It's time to take the dogs into the judging ring. Yeah. Come on, Hector. Come on, Hector.
[00:12:22] Unknown:
Alright. Alright. Take a look. Hector, will you stop painting? Stop it. Now we gotta go in there and win that $200,
[00:12:28] Unknown:
and then you'll belong all to me. Hi. How are you? At dog shows, I'm up there.
[00:12:35] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, don't tell me it's our old friend, Kitzel.
[00:12:44] Unknown:
You could be.
[00:12:45] Unknown:
Yes. You know, I came here to win the dog show. I got some very oppety properties. Yes. Yeah. Just take a look and just find the come here, Einstein. Hey, Kittel. Yes. Why do you call him Einstein? Well, because nobody can explain his relativity. Oh, my. He's a kind
[00:13:11] Unknown:
of Hey, Kitzel. He looks, more like a pointer setter. I couldn't get sick. What's a pointer setter? He sets in the kitchen and points at the icebox. I don't think you'll ever win a prize with that dog, K
[00:13:26] Unknown:
I know. But wait a minute, Lou. A minute, Lou. A hundred dollars. I'm just saying that. That little dog. But that's no way to talk. Your dog out of here. I know dog that's no way to talk about other dogs, Lou. Mitchell has a fine looking dog there. Yeah. But, Abbot, he don't look healthy to me. What makes his tongue hang way out like that? What makes his tongue hang way out? He was born with a long tail, and he's trying to keep his balance.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
Well, I don't believe it. Yeah. I think he's trying to pick up dimes.
[00:13:55] Unknown:
No. No. It's just okay. It's all too late quick. Oh, he plays a little pinochle.
[00:14:00] Unknown:
Pinochle? You mean your dog plays cards? Uh-huh. Well, he must be plenty smart. Oh, pis pis. He's not so smart.
[00:14:08] Unknown:
Last night, I beat him two games out of three.
[00:14:12] Unknown:
Look. Your dog don't compare to my dog, Kitzel. Now Hector can really do good tricks. Yeah. Would you like to see him climb a ladder? Your dog can climb a ladder. Uh-huh. This I got to see. Well, this you're gonna see. Come here, Hector. Attaboy, Hector. Look, Hector, I want you to start climbing the ladder. There he goes. Now he's on the first rung. The second. The third rung. There you are, Kitsel. He went all the way up to the top. Okay, Hector. Now jump down in my arms. Attaboy.
[00:14:40] Unknown:
That's what I call climbing a ladder. Now just a second. Just stop there.
[00:14:45] Unknown:
I don't see any ladder.
[00:15:03] Unknown:
We are awarding the first prize of $200 to this little fat dog here wearing the brown blanket.
[00:15:10] Unknown:
Now wait a minute, Niles. You're pointing at me, and I ain't no dog.
[00:15:16] Unknown:
My ears are too short.
[00:15:19] Unknown:
What am I saying? Will you be quiet, Costello? You wanna make a liar out of the judges?
[00:15:25] Unknown:
I killed that one, didn't I? Alright. Alright. Look, Costello. Don't argue. You've got the $200. Let's go. We've gotta get back to, Morton's Pet Shop and get your brother Sebastian out of that dog coop.
[00:15:42] Unknown:
Oh ho. So there you are, Costello, you dog thief.
[00:15:46] Unknown:
What's the idea of taking my champion dog out of his coop and putting that little boy in there? Mister Morton, I just borrowed the dog for a little while. Oh, please, mister Morton. I only took him out on the government plan. You took him out on the government plan? Yeah. Lend Leash. No. Just the leash I could do. Alright. Alright.
[00:16:02] Unknown:
Look, mister Martin, Costello hasn't harmed the dog, and he now has the $200 to pay you for him. That's right, mister Martin. Here's the money. Wrap the dog up as a gift. Wrap the dog?
[00:16:11] Unknown:
I've got a good notion to wrap you in the nose. You left your little brother in that coop, and when I went to let him out, he bit me.
[00:16:18] Unknown:
He bit you? Sebastian, come out of that coop. Yes, Sebastian.
[00:16:24] Unknown:
Come here. Did you really bite mister Martin?
[00:16:27] Unknown:
Yes. I did, uncle Bud. I snuck up and bit him while he was feeding his other pets. Now wait a minute, Sebastian. Where did you bite him? I bit them between the bird cage and the fishbowl.
[00:16:42] Unknown:
Sebastian, don't you know it's wrong to bite people? Don't you realize that you can cause a great deal of harm and trouble? I know it's And that eventually, you might even go to jail. That's right. I don't know why. Why why do you do these things so much? I I don't know why I do these things. Well, you must have a reason for it. Oh, I'm a bad
[00:17:00] Unknown:
boy.
[00:17:04] Unknown:
I heard enough of this. I'm not only keeping the dog, but I'm taking the $200 for personal damages, and I'm throwing you three bumps out of here.
[00:17:21] Unknown:
11. 11. Hey, Evan. Hey, Evan. Look what he did. He broke my watch crystal.
[00:17:26] Unknown:
It's all your fault, Sebastian.
[00:17:28] Unknown:
Why did you bite mister Martin? I'll tell you why I put him on the butt. I didn't mind it this morning when he threw me that tickled dog biscuit. I even ate the bones he gave me for lunch. And I didn't mind it when he put my ears and covered me with flea powder. But when the guy hit me on the head because I wouldn't wag my tail, that
[00:17:55] Unknown:
did
[00:17:59] Unknown:
it.
