In this episode, we dive into a comedic and chaotic world where nothing is quite as it seems. The narrative begins with a humorous take on a wedding scenario, quickly transitioning into a series of absurd and entertaining sketches featuring characters like Judy, who finds herself at the center of a casino-themed escapade. The episode is filled with witty dialogues and slapstick humor, reminiscent of classic comedy duos, as characters navigate through a series of misunderstandings and comedic mishaps.
Listeners are treated to a whirlwind of comedic sketches, including a visit to Costello's house, where Abbott and Costello engage in a hilarious exchange about Costello's mental state and financial affairs. The episode is peppered with humorous interactions involving a variety of quirky characters, including a hypnotist, a lawyer, and a singing star, all contributing to the comedic chaos. This episode is a delightful blend of humor, nostalgia, and classic comedic timing, sure to entertain fans of vintage comedy.
(01:09) Arrival at Costello's House
(02:19) Costello's Mental State
(06:03) Costello's Will and Estate
(09:39) Musical Therapy with Skinny
(14:12) Marilyn Maxwell's Visit
(17:27) Visit to Professor Wilkins
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
[00:00:00]
Unknown:
With Lucky Lane slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom?
[00:00:09] Unknown:
Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:14] Unknown:
No. Lucky Lane Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry.
[00:00:18] Unknown:
In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:21] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for See website for details. Judy was boring. Hello. Then Judy discovered jumbocasino.com.
[00:00:35] Unknown:
It's my little escape. Now Judy's the life of the party. Oh, baby. Mama's bringing home the bacon. Woah. Take it easy, Judy. The Chumba life is for everybody. So go to Chumbacasino.com and play over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary for you. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details.
[00:01:10] Unknown:
Now where is Costello's house? Well, it has 204, it has 205, 2 0 5 and 782059. Here here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Oh, mister Abbott. I never thought you'd get here in time. How's Costello? Oh, I'm so worried, mister Abbott. I've never seen him this way. I'm afraid don't say it. Don't say it, my pal, Costello. Oh, missus Adams. Yes? If anything should happen to Costello, promise me one thing. What? Promise me you won't rent his room until you hear from me, please.
[00:01:46] Unknown:
I promise. Won't you come in? You'll have to excuse the appearance of the place. I haven't had time to pick up any of this junk on the floor. Try not step on my husband. It's his birthday.
[00:01:59] Unknown:
Yes.
[00:02:00] Unknown:
I'll be careful. But I'm so sentimental, mister Abbott. Do you think I ought to stick a candle in his mouth?
[00:02:07] Unknown:
Yes. By all means. Look. Where is Costello's room? Right over there. Thank you. Come in. Mother. Mother? Yeah. Costello, don't you know me? I'm Abbott. Oh, those green slacks fool me. Oh, Abbott. Am I glad to see you? What in the world is the matter with you? I'm afraid there's a screw loose in my mind. Oh, my goodness. You had any word. I thought there was something serious. It is serious. Very serious. My mind is just like a brain to me. Abbott, you gotta help me. But what is the matter with you? Remember that dream I had where the fella said every time I told a lie or did something bad, he blow a horn? No. What about it? Do you know where I can reach Petrillo? Oh, no. No. God. You just imagine it. No. I don't. All day long, night and day, he powers me around blowing that horn.
Now I know how Betty Grable must feel. Oh, they got no. You're you're acting like a child. You you probably haven't had enough sleep. Did you drink anything last night? You know I don't drink. Were you out late with a girl? You know I never have anything to do with girls. Did did someone say Castello? There it goes again. Abbott. It's the guy with the horn. Oh, I didn't hear anything. Yes. Is there anyone in back of me? Callers in back of you is more you. Abbot, there's something wrong with me. I knew it the moment I walked through that door. How did you know? The door was closed.
[00:03:53] Unknown:
Mister Costello, four o'clock. Time for your medicine.
[00:03:56] Unknown:
Wait a minute, Costello. That's a dog biscuit. They work. I haven't howled in two days. Will you stop this foolishness? You need a change of scenery. We'll drive to the beach and give the girls the once of what do you say? Oh, that's the force. Me. Abbott. What now? I heard that music. I didn't hear a thing. I hear the music. Oh, I wish my mother was here. Why? She danced with me. Oh. No, Sally. You're going to drive yourself nuts. Don't say that. Life couldn't be that cruel to me. I'm a nice guy. Look at me. I'm in my prime. Everything to live for. A perfect specimen. Just try here, mate. I'm a perfect specimen.
Two hundred and sixty pounds of bulging muscles. Gliding muscles?
[00:04:47] Unknown:
Painsy wingsy muscles?
[00:04:51] Unknown:
Blubber? Blover? Hey. Who are you talking to? The guy with the horn. He just gave me another argument. Look, Costello. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just as normal as you ever were. That's right. Kick a man when he's down. Oh, how could this happen to me? I'm good for my mother. I got money in the bank. I love anime. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You say you've got money in the bank? About $400. 20 8 bucks.
[00:05:26] Unknown:
20 8 bucks.
[00:05:28] Unknown:
Oh, boy. If I could only get my hands on that. What'd you say? I have, well, I said that that's a lot about to have on your hands. Yeah. Let me look at you. I'm dying. He's cleaning his teeth. I tell you you're not dying. What's happening to you is far worse. I knew it. I knew it last night when the landlady brought up that pot roast. That's why pot roast is very good for you. That's why I think I'm going back. Why? After I ate the pot, I had no appetite for the roast. What am I gonna do, Abbot? Well, Castello, anytime something like this happens to a man, someone has to administer his his estate. Now you don't want to leave all that $28 to the government, do you? Oh, no. No. Some foreign country might hear about it and try to make a loan. Sure.
Besides, I always figured I'd leave it to my aunt Marie. Your aunt Marie? Yeah. She was so good. She was like a mother to me. A father, a sister, a brother, an uncle, a grandmother, and we all live together in one little room. Now, Godzilla, we have to put the money where it'll do the most good. I'd like to leave something to my girl, Gladys. Oh, why worry about her? She's got a good job with the time of old. Yes. I know. One of these nights, someone's gonna throw that baseball straight and knock her head right off. Now let me see. 28 plus.
That's not enough to start a college, is it? No. How about a small college? No. Junior college? No, Costello. You're you're you're thinking all wrong. Who is your best friend? You. Now you're thinking. Hey. If you'll forgive me, I'd like to ask you a silly question. How how do I know you won't spend the money? You're forgiven. Thank you. Okay. Now now now don't forget, we wanna make this all legal and binding. We'll get a lawyer and put everything in writing. Is that okay? Well, if you want a good lawyer, call my husband. Where can I get him? Well, call Peter Hopper Binks, Frank Swagger Binks, and Strandonian Binks. Why so many Binks? It's the same guy. He just like to keep an eye on the others.
Look, which one is your uncle? Jones. Jones? Yes. Of Jones, Spanish, gram, written as the written Maloney. Then why why did you tell me to call Friedelhofer Binks, Munchwager Binks, Imelflacker Binks, and Spondylian Binks? If your uncle is with Jones, Fenestgram, be with Mulrooney. Why did you tell me that? Because Jones, Thinisgram, written DeWitt, Mulrooney's phone is out of order. And, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Fox, will you please repeat that? Are you kidding? I'm lucky I got it out there. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come on. Let me hear what you have to say. I can't. The line is busy. The line is busy. Good. Doctor, I don't think we should engage anyone you know. Let's be impartial about this. Let's get my lawyer. Uh-oh. That's good. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's the matter? What do you mean impartial? If you can get your lawyer, why can't I get my lawyer? Well, now you see my lawyer doesn't know your lawyer. That makes it impartial. Oh, yes. That makes sense. Come in.
Oh, hello, mister Ennis. Hi, Estella. Skinny. Brace yourself. Costella has blown his stuff. Yeah? Yeah. What's new? Oh, okay. Hey. Wait a minute. No. No. No. Costello, don't excite yourself, Skinny. Yeah. The boy is emotionally upset, and I understand that the musical, therapy is prescribed under such conditions. Is that true? Well, therapy in it will be glad to apply. That's well. Alright, Catella. Compose yourself. Skinny is going to play some pretty music for you. Now sit back. Come on. Okay. Sit back there now. Now relax. Now I'll turn your light down low. Okay. Now close your eyes.
I can't. That's wonderful. Now put your head right on my shoulders. Are you comfy? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, that's wonderful. Anything else I can do for you? Uh-huh. Why? Just make a night. Yeah. We don't go lay down. Oh, get a Oh, get up, Costello, please. Oh, I can. Get him up. Come in, counselor. Sorry. I'm late, Abbot. I was detained at court. How did you think I was acquitted? Good. Mother got twenty years. Are you having a party? Oh, what makes you think that? What's that beer barrel on the bed? That's no beer barrel. It's Castello. Oh, ho ho.
Oh. That's the chump you're taking for the $28. What's the deal? Hallucinations. Can't you break his leg? I'm terrific at assault and battery. No. No. No. No. No. We we haven't got time for that. Hey, Costello. Wake up. Wake up. Oh. Oh, okay. Bye. Okay. Goodbye, Gladys. Bye. When you forget, Gladys, Nutella, I want you to meet, counselor O'Toole. Oh, gratinoya, counselor. Will anybody over at Tito Half of Pettisland been threatening to I have. I have. I have. I have. Will you please enough of that? Proceed, councilor. Castello, modify 3 4 80 5 1 12 by six million seven hundred ninety one thousand eight hundred and forty four. And, sorry, time's up. You're hopeless.
I can hope it was fast. Now, in this $28 estate, are there any guests outstanding? Well, I owe the drugstore 30¢ for a quarter perfume I bought for my girl. Wait a minute. Quarter perfume. That's pretty extravagant. Most elves give their girl a gram. Well, I guess I'm one of those fellows who just don't give a dram. Hey. Here's me a picture. Here's a picture. Name is Gladys. Isn't she beautiful? Yes. She is. She's got pretty eyes, hasn't she? Yeah. Her eyes are very pretty. Which do you like better? The brown one or the blue one? I can't decide.
The blue one fascinates me. But then again, the brown one goes nicely with the truck she's driving on. Can you stick to the case, Castello? Are there any other outstanding debts against the estate? Yes, sir. I still don't have it. 10¢ for the tick to get me to see up in Central Park. Damn, Sam. Where did you say? Up in Central Park. Now are there any other provisions you wish to make? Well, listen. If if I am taken away, someone will have to look after my little friend. For instance, for breakfast, Rover must get a bone. Oh, okay. A little a bone for over. Go ahead. Yes. And Tabby, just a little warm milk. Well, okay. Warm milk for Tabby. And for Flossy, just orange juice and toast. Orange juice and toast? Yeah. Flossey's my sister. Oh.
I'll I'll treat her just as if she's human. And she'll appreciate it very much, dear. Now, please sign your name here, Costello. Okay. I'll sign my name down here. I gotta sign Costello. C o s, let me see. He I know as well as I know my own name. C o s. What comes next? Look. What do you have with your crumbles? A bit. I get jelly. I'll open it. Will you please stop stalling and sign that paper? And let me read it first. Take your time. Go ahead. Hey. Come here, rabbits. Yeah. What's a minute? Got everything set, hon? Yeah. I got Harry, the hypnotist from the carnival. I'm giving him a third. He's gonna set up a whole work. We'll call him the professor. Pastel will never know the difference. We'll take him over. We'll take him over there to the exam. You know? Okay. Right in front of him. Well, Pastel, have you signed it? No. And I ain't gonna until I get the candy.
What candy? It says right here, Tasty Mints. Tasty Mints? Where? Thank you. Oh, that's last will and testament. Okay. I'll sign it. Now all we have to do is see the professor.
[00:13:53] Unknown:
Who is it? It's Marilyn. May I come in?
[00:13:57] Unknown:
Oh, Marilyn Maxwell. Gee, fellas, I'm bashful about a girl coming into my room. Would you fellas mind leaving? She's just the person we want to see. Come in.
[00:14:12] Unknown:
Hello, boys. Oh, hello, Louis. Louis.
[00:14:18] Unknown:
Oh, she called me Louis again. I haven't been so close since I took my first bubble bath.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
Lewis, what are you doing in bed? Miss Maxwell, do I look all right to you? No. But then you never did.
[00:14:36] Unknown:
You see, folks? You must be framing me. Miss Maxwell, mister Costello is having a hallucination.
[00:14:42] Unknown:
Oh, Louis. I'm heartbroken. Would it make you feel better if I sang a song for you? Would you, miss Maxwell?
[00:14:50] Unknown:
Uh-huh.
[00:14:51] Unknown:
And just because you are so upset, I wanna do everything I can to make things pleasant to you. I want you to hold my hand. Sure. Yes. Now put your arm around my waist Uh-oh. And snuggle real close to me. Mhmm. Yes. I wanna do everything I can for you just because you are in this condition.
[00:15:12] Unknown:
Oh, brother. The years I wasted in my right line. From Metro Global mayor, producers of Three Wise Fools, comes that lovely singing star, Merlyn Maxwell. The song, It's a pity to say goodnight.
[00:15:37] Unknown:
It's the petticoat. Good night. Because I never saw stars so bright. But if you gotta go home, you gotta go home. Give me a good night kiss. It's a pity to say farewell because the man on the moon won't tell. But if you gotta go home, you gotta go home and give me a good
[00:17:28] Unknown:
Hello? This is the office of professor Wilkins, hypnotist, geologist, archaeologist, and Egyptologist. Office hours twelve to three, which is exactly the score by which Saint Louis beat Boston. You're welcome.
[00:17:43] Unknown:
Bye. Abbot, I don't like the looks of this place. I'll cry. Oh, miss. We have an appointment. Please be seated. Okay. Can't catch me. What was that?
[00:18:05] Unknown:
Oh, nothing. He thinks he's an apartment. He's playing hard to guess.
[00:18:11] Unknown:
He thinks he's an apartment. All he has on is a pair of shorts. Well, he's probably unfurnished. I look at it. I'll give you my $28. Just get me out of here. No. This must be legitimate. I just want you to tell the professor that, you know, that you can't, now don't interrupt. Tell the professor that you can't remember. You can't make it. You're going off your what's that? What do you want? Don't look now. But is that a horse standing over there? Tell me it's a horse. Don't be afraid. Go over and pet him. Okay. Please, sir. Don't touch my horse. You guys be terribly upset. Something wrong? I'll show you.
Darvin, would you care for a lump of sugar? Merci. No. Did you guys not dispute? Well, tell me what you care for the most. No. No. No. No. It was lame bum. You see why I'm worried? That horse has never been to France. Half it. Half it. Half it out, give you $30. Get me out of here. Quiet. Professor Wilkins will see you two gentlemen now. Come on, Costello. Professor Wilkins, are you with you two gentlemen in a moment? Goodbye, mister Snodgrass. Feel better now? I feel 12. I've got better in my life. I feel awful. I'd be glad if I lived through her tonight. What are you doing tonight, mister Snodgrass? I want you to stay home and leave. I'm going out to stick up a bank right now. Fine. Fine. Oh, goodbye, professor. Nice seeing you. You dropped dead.
Hey. What's with that guy? A split personality. Which of you need help? I do. I can't find my way out of here. Hold on, Gustetta. Oh, professor. This is the young man I told you about. You know, the one with the m o n e y. Who's got the mumps? Oh, yes. As I recall. Now just what was your trouble? Anytime I do something wrong or tell a lie, I hear music. Very unusual case. Kindly answer these routine questions. Name? Hastello. Born. Once. Height? Five foot two. Width? Five foot two. Chest? Five foot two. There's no use wasting your time. I'm the same in all directions. You set up, please.
Age? 24. Next? Never. Like an ostrich. Hey. I hear that music again. That's what I was telling you about, professor. He's hopeless, isn't he? Only a further examination will justify a conclusion. Now in your family history, is there anything that you could consider abnormal? Oh, no, sir. What do you mean no, sir? What about that aunt of yours who sits in the street banging the cement with a mallet? Well, that's not her fault. Her husband told her to hit the road. Please, none of this bickering. Now, miss Costello, please lie down here. And now relax. Let yourself go. Tell me everything about yourself. Think back through the years. I'm a little bare faced boy skipping merrily over Smith And Dale to the little red schoolhouse.
I'm hurrying toward it faster, faster. I don't want to be late. I've never been so happy in my life. The school is on fire. Uh-uh. Persecution complex. Continue. I see myself now. I am 16 and coming home from high school. I'm coming home from the third grade. I had a swell day at the reform school, walking down the road as little Poinsettia Fetelhopper whose father's with Fetelhopper. I'm a pluck a retinist in a spin. Oh, no. No more of that. I'm carrying little Poinsettia's books. Suddenly, out of the woods come four bears. They knocked me down. Two sit on my arms and two sit on my legs. And you're terrified? Not at all. They just wanna sit around and chew the fact. Uh-huh. Alright, Shazelle. You set it up for $28. 20 8 dollars? What are you talking about, mister Aberdeus?
I told you over the phone I split at the state with you tonight. Estate? Yeah. You mean we went to all this trouble to convince your best friend, screwy, have a lawyer, draw our papers, have me set up an office, all this for measly $28? Well, you see, here. Mhmm. Schizophrenia Paragoric. What that means, professor? Mister Abbott, you lie down on the couch. Yes. You lie down on the couch. Now tell us, what's your name? What's your sex? What Caucasian are you? What's your
With Lucky Lane slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom?
[00:00:09] Unknown:
Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:14] Unknown:
No. Lucky Lane Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry.
[00:00:18] Unknown:
In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:21] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for See website for details. Judy was boring. Hello. Then Judy discovered jumbocasino.com.
[00:00:35] Unknown:
It's my little escape. Now Judy's the life of the party. Oh, baby. Mama's bringing home the bacon. Woah. Take it easy, Judy. The Chumba life is for everybody. So go to Chumbacasino.com and play over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary for you. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details.
[00:01:10] Unknown:
Now where is Costello's house? Well, it has 204, it has 205, 2 0 5 and 782059. Here here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Oh, mister Abbott. I never thought you'd get here in time. How's Costello? Oh, I'm so worried, mister Abbott. I've never seen him this way. I'm afraid don't say it. Don't say it, my pal, Costello. Oh, missus Adams. Yes? If anything should happen to Costello, promise me one thing. What? Promise me you won't rent his room until you hear from me, please.
[00:01:46] Unknown:
I promise. Won't you come in? You'll have to excuse the appearance of the place. I haven't had time to pick up any of this junk on the floor. Try not step on my husband. It's his birthday.
[00:01:59] Unknown:
Yes.
[00:02:00] Unknown:
I'll be careful. But I'm so sentimental, mister Abbott. Do you think I ought to stick a candle in his mouth?
[00:02:07] Unknown:
Yes. By all means. Look. Where is Costello's room? Right over there. Thank you. Come in. Mother. Mother? Yeah. Costello, don't you know me? I'm Abbott. Oh, those green slacks fool me. Oh, Abbott. Am I glad to see you? What in the world is the matter with you? I'm afraid there's a screw loose in my mind. Oh, my goodness. You had any word. I thought there was something serious. It is serious. Very serious. My mind is just like a brain to me. Abbott, you gotta help me. But what is the matter with you? Remember that dream I had where the fella said every time I told a lie or did something bad, he blow a horn? No. What about it? Do you know where I can reach Petrillo? Oh, no. No. God. You just imagine it. No. I don't. All day long, night and day, he powers me around blowing that horn.
Now I know how Betty Grable must feel. Oh, they got no. You're you're acting like a child. You you probably haven't had enough sleep. Did you drink anything last night? You know I don't drink. Were you out late with a girl? You know I never have anything to do with girls. Did did someone say Castello? There it goes again. Abbott. It's the guy with the horn. Oh, I didn't hear anything. Yes. Is there anyone in back of me? Callers in back of you is more you. Abbot, there's something wrong with me. I knew it the moment I walked through that door. How did you know? The door was closed.
[00:03:53] Unknown:
Mister Costello, four o'clock. Time for your medicine.
[00:03:56] Unknown:
Wait a minute, Costello. That's a dog biscuit. They work. I haven't howled in two days. Will you stop this foolishness? You need a change of scenery. We'll drive to the beach and give the girls the once of what do you say? Oh, that's the force. Me. Abbott. What now? I heard that music. I didn't hear a thing. I hear the music. Oh, I wish my mother was here. Why? She danced with me. Oh. No, Sally. You're going to drive yourself nuts. Don't say that. Life couldn't be that cruel to me. I'm a nice guy. Look at me. I'm in my prime. Everything to live for. A perfect specimen. Just try here, mate. I'm a perfect specimen.
Two hundred and sixty pounds of bulging muscles. Gliding muscles?
[00:04:47] Unknown:
Painsy wingsy muscles?
[00:04:51] Unknown:
Blubber? Blover? Hey. Who are you talking to? The guy with the horn. He just gave me another argument. Look, Costello. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just as normal as you ever were. That's right. Kick a man when he's down. Oh, how could this happen to me? I'm good for my mother. I got money in the bank. I love anime. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You say you've got money in the bank? About $400. 20 8 bucks.
[00:05:26] Unknown:
20 8 bucks.
[00:05:28] Unknown:
Oh, boy. If I could only get my hands on that. What'd you say? I have, well, I said that that's a lot about to have on your hands. Yeah. Let me look at you. I'm dying. He's cleaning his teeth. I tell you you're not dying. What's happening to you is far worse. I knew it. I knew it last night when the landlady brought up that pot roast. That's why pot roast is very good for you. That's why I think I'm going back. Why? After I ate the pot, I had no appetite for the roast. What am I gonna do, Abbot? Well, Castello, anytime something like this happens to a man, someone has to administer his his estate. Now you don't want to leave all that $28 to the government, do you? Oh, no. No. Some foreign country might hear about it and try to make a loan. Sure.
Besides, I always figured I'd leave it to my aunt Marie. Your aunt Marie? Yeah. She was so good. She was like a mother to me. A father, a sister, a brother, an uncle, a grandmother, and we all live together in one little room. Now, Godzilla, we have to put the money where it'll do the most good. I'd like to leave something to my girl, Gladys. Oh, why worry about her? She's got a good job with the time of old. Yes. I know. One of these nights, someone's gonna throw that baseball straight and knock her head right off. Now let me see. 28 plus.
That's not enough to start a college, is it? No. How about a small college? No. Junior college? No, Costello. You're you're you're thinking all wrong. Who is your best friend? You. Now you're thinking. Hey. If you'll forgive me, I'd like to ask you a silly question. How how do I know you won't spend the money? You're forgiven. Thank you. Okay. Now now now don't forget, we wanna make this all legal and binding. We'll get a lawyer and put everything in writing. Is that okay? Well, if you want a good lawyer, call my husband. Where can I get him? Well, call Peter Hopper Binks, Frank Swagger Binks, and Strandonian Binks. Why so many Binks? It's the same guy. He just like to keep an eye on the others.
Look, which one is your uncle? Jones. Jones? Yes. Of Jones, Spanish, gram, written as the written Maloney. Then why why did you tell me to call Friedelhofer Binks, Munchwager Binks, Imelflacker Binks, and Spondylian Binks? If your uncle is with Jones, Fenestgram, be with Mulrooney. Why did you tell me that? Because Jones, Thinisgram, written DeWitt, Mulrooney's phone is out of order. And, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Fox, will you please repeat that? Are you kidding? I'm lucky I got it out there. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come on. Let me hear what you have to say. I can't. The line is busy. The line is busy. Good. Doctor, I don't think we should engage anyone you know. Let's be impartial about this. Let's get my lawyer. Uh-oh. That's good. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's the matter? What do you mean impartial? If you can get your lawyer, why can't I get my lawyer? Well, now you see my lawyer doesn't know your lawyer. That makes it impartial. Oh, yes. That makes sense. Come in.
Oh, hello, mister Ennis. Hi, Estella. Skinny. Brace yourself. Costella has blown his stuff. Yeah? Yeah. What's new? Oh, okay. Hey. Wait a minute. No. No. No. Costello, don't excite yourself, Skinny. Yeah. The boy is emotionally upset, and I understand that the musical, therapy is prescribed under such conditions. Is that true? Well, therapy in it will be glad to apply. That's well. Alright, Catella. Compose yourself. Skinny is going to play some pretty music for you. Now sit back. Come on. Okay. Sit back there now. Now relax. Now I'll turn your light down low. Okay. Now close your eyes.
I can't. That's wonderful. Now put your head right on my shoulders. Are you comfy? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, that's wonderful. Anything else I can do for you? Uh-huh. Why? Just make a night. Yeah. We don't go lay down. Oh, get a Oh, get up, Costello, please. Oh, I can. Get him up. Come in, counselor. Sorry. I'm late, Abbot. I was detained at court. How did you think I was acquitted? Good. Mother got twenty years. Are you having a party? Oh, what makes you think that? What's that beer barrel on the bed? That's no beer barrel. It's Castello. Oh, ho ho.
Oh. That's the chump you're taking for the $28. What's the deal? Hallucinations. Can't you break his leg? I'm terrific at assault and battery. No. No. No. No. No. We we haven't got time for that. Hey, Costello. Wake up. Wake up. Oh. Oh, okay. Bye. Okay. Goodbye, Gladys. Bye. When you forget, Gladys, Nutella, I want you to meet, counselor O'Toole. Oh, gratinoya, counselor. Will anybody over at Tito Half of Pettisland been threatening to I have. I have. I have. I have. Will you please enough of that? Proceed, councilor. Castello, modify 3 4 80 5 1 12 by six million seven hundred ninety one thousand eight hundred and forty four. And, sorry, time's up. You're hopeless.
I can hope it was fast. Now, in this $28 estate, are there any guests outstanding? Well, I owe the drugstore 30¢ for a quarter perfume I bought for my girl. Wait a minute. Quarter perfume. That's pretty extravagant. Most elves give their girl a gram. Well, I guess I'm one of those fellows who just don't give a dram. Hey. Here's me a picture. Here's a picture. Name is Gladys. Isn't she beautiful? Yes. She is. She's got pretty eyes, hasn't she? Yeah. Her eyes are very pretty. Which do you like better? The brown one or the blue one? I can't decide.
The blue one fascinates me. But then again, the brown one goes nicely with the truck she's driving on. Can you stick to the case, Castello? Are there any other outstanding debts against the estate? Yes, sir. I still don't have it. 10¢ for the tick to get me to see up in Central Park. Damn, Sam. Where did you say? Up in Central Park. Now are there any other provisions you wish to make? Well, listen. If if I am taken away, someone will have to look after my little friend. For instance, for breakfast, Rover must get a bone. Oh, okay. A little a bone for over. Go ahead. Yes. And Tabby, just a little warm milk. Well, okay. Warm milk for Tabby. And for Flossy, just orange juice and toast. Orange juice and toast? Yeah. Flossey's my sister. Oh.
I'll I'll treat her just as if she's human. And she'll appreciate it very much, dear. Now, please sign your name here, Costello. Okay. I'll sign my name down here. I gotta sign Costello. C o s, let me see. He I know as well as I know my own name. C o s. What comes next? Look. What do you have with your crumbles? A bit. I get jelly. I'll open it. Will you please stop stalling and sign that paper? And let me read it first. Take your time. Go ahead. Hey. Come here, rabbits. Yeah. What's a minute? Got everything set, hon? Yeah. I got Harry, the hypnotist from the carnival. I'm giving him a third. He's gonna set up a whole work. We'll call him the professor. Pastel will never know the difference. We'll take him over. We'll take him over there to the exam. You know? Okay. Right in front of him. Well, Pastel, have you signed it? No. And I ain't gonna until I get the candy.
What candy? It says right here, Tasty Mints. Tasty Mints? Where? Thank you. Oh, that's last will and testament. Okay. I'll sign it. Now all we have to do is see the professor.
[00:13:53] Unknown:
Who is it? It's Marilyn. May I come in?
[00:13:57] Unknown:
Oh, Marilyn Maxwell. Gee, fellas, I'm bashful about a girl coming into my room. Would you fellas mind leaving? She's just the person we want to see. Come in.
[00:14:12] Unknown:
Hello, boys. Oh, hello, Louis. Louis.
[00:14:18] Unknown:
Oh, she called me Louis again. I haven't been so close since I took my first bubble bath.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
Lewis, what are you doing in bed? Miss Maxwell, do I look all right to you? No. But then you never did.
[00:14:36] Unknown:
You see, folks? You must be framing me. Miss Maxwell, mister Costello is having a hallucination.
[00:14:42] Unknown:
Oh, Louis. I'm heartbroken. Would it make you feel better if I sang a song for you? Would you, miss Maxwell?
[00:14:50] Unknown:
Uh-huh.
[00:14:51] Unknown:
And just because you are so upset, I wanna do everything I can to make things pleasant to you. I want you to hold my hand. Sure. Yes. Now put your arm around my waist Uh-oh. And snuggle real close to me. Mhmm. Yes. I wanna do everything I can for you just because you are in this condition.
[00:15:12] Unknown:
Oh, brother. The years I wasted in my right line. From Metro Global mayor, producers of Three Wise Fools, comes that lovely singing star, Merlyn Maxwell. The song, It's a pity to say goodnight.
[00:15:37] Unknown:
It's the petticoat. Good night. Because I never saw stars so bright. But if you gotta go home, you gotta go home. Give me a good night kiss. It's a pity to say farewell because the man on the moon won't tell. But if you gotta go home, you gotta go home and give me a good
[00:17:28] Unknown:
Hello? This is the office of professor Wilkins, hypnotist, geologist, archaeologist, and Egyptologist. Office hours twelve to three, which is exactly the score by which Saint Louis beat Boston. You're welcome.
[00:17:43] Unknown:
Bye. Abbot, I don't like the looks of this place. I'll cry. Oh, miss. We have an appointment. Please be seated. Okay. Can't catch me. What was that?
[00:18:05] Unknown:
Oh, nothing. He thinks he's an apartment. He's playing hard to guess.
[00:18:11] Unknown:
He thinks he's an apartment. All he has on is a pair of shorts. Well, he's probably unfurnished. I look at it. I'll give you my $28. Just get me out of here. No. This must be legitimate. I just want you to tell the professor that, you know, that you can't, now don't interrupt. Tell the professor that you can't remember. You can't make it. You're going off your what's that? What do you want? Don't look now. But is that a horse standing over there? Tell me it's a horse. Don't be afraid. Go over and pet him. Okay. Please, sir. Don't touch my horse. You guys be terribly upset. Something wrong? I'll show you.
Darvin, would you care for a lump of sugar? Merci. No. Did you guys not dispute? Well, tell me what you care for the most. No. No. No. No. It was lame bum. You see why I'm worried? That horse has never been to France. Half it. Half it. Half it out, give you $30. Get me out of here. Quiet. Professor Wilkins will see you two gentlemen now. Come on, Costello. Professor Wilkins, are you with you two gentlemen in a moment? Goodbye, mister Snodgrass. Feel better now? I feel 12. I've got better in my life. I feel awful. I'd be glad if I lived through her tonight. What are you doing tonight, mister Snodgrass? I want you to stay home and leave. I'm going out to stick up a bank right now. Fine. Fine. Oh, goodbye, professor. Nice seeing you. You dropped dead.
Hey. What's with that guy? A split personality. Which of you need help? I do. I can't find my way out of here. Hold on, Gustetta. Oh, professor. This is the young man I told you about. You know, the one with the m o n e y. Who's got the mumps? Oh, yes. As I recall. Now just what was your trouble? Anytime I do something wrong or tell a lie, I hear music. Very unusual case. Kindly answer these routine questions. Name? Hastello. Born. Once. Height? Five foot two. Width? Five foot two. Chest? Five foot two. There's no use wasting your time. I'm the same in all directions. You set up, please.
Age? 24. Next? Never. Like an ostrich. Hey. I hear that music again. That's what I was telling you about, professor. He's hopeless, isn't he? Only a further examination will justify a conclusion. Now in your family history, is there anything that you could consider abnormal? Oh, no, sir. What do you mean no, sir? What about that aunt of yours who sits in the street banging the cement with a mallet? Well, that's not her fault. Her husband told her to hit the road. Please, none of this bickering. Now, miss Costello, please lie down here. And now relax. Let yourself go. Tell me everything about yourself. Think back through the years. I'm a little bare faced boy skipping merrily over Smith And Dale to the little red schoolhouse.
I'm hurrying toward it faster, faster. I don't want to be late. I've never been so happy in my life. The school is on fire. Uh-uh. Persecution complex. Continue. I see myself now. I am 16 and coming home from high school. I'm coming home from the third grade. I had a swell day at the reform school, walking down the road as little Poinsettia Fetelhopper whose father's with Fetelhopper. I'm a pluck a retinist in a spin. Oh, no. No more of that. I'm carrying little Poinsettia's books. Suddenly, out of the woods come four bears. They knocked me down. Two sit on my arms and two sit on my legs. And you're terrified? Not at all. They just wanna sit around and chew the fact. Uh-huh. Alright, Shazelle. You set it up for $28. 20 8 dollars? What are you talking about, mister Aberdeus?
I told you over the phone I split at the state with you tonight. Estate? Yeah. You mean we went to all this trouble to convince your best friend, screwy, have a lawyer, draw our papers, have me set up an office, all this for measly $28? Well, you see, here. Mhmm. Schizophrenia Paragoric. What that means, professor? Mister Abbott, you lie down on the couch. Yes. You lie down on the couch. Now tell us, what's your name? What's your sex? What Caucasian are you? What's your
