In this lively episode, we delve into the fascinating story of Dave's Killer Bread, a brand that not only revolutionized the bread aisle with its organic, non-GMO offerings but also champions second chance employment. We explore how Dave, after spending fifteen years in prison, returned to his family bakery and transformed it into a leading organic bread company, all while providing opportunities for those with criminal backgrounds. This inspiring tale highlights the power of redemption and the impact of giving people a second chance.
We also dive into a comedic skit featuring a humorous exchange about income taxes, showcasing the classic wit and banter of Abbott and Costello. The skit takes listeners through a series of misunderstandings and playful jabs as Costello attempts to navigate the complexities of filing taxes. This episode blends inspiration with humor, offering both a heartwarming story and a good laugh.
(00:00) The Story of Dave's Killer Bread
(01:01) Comedy Skit: Income Tax Troubles
(09:19) Seeking Financial Help
(15:32) The Loan Company Visit
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[00:00:01]
Unknown:
Attention shoppers. We now have taste in the bread aisle. Dave's Killer Bread. That's right. An organic bread that doesn't need three spoonfuls of Sriracha jam to delight your taste buds. Dave's Killer Bread is a 21 grain salute to the end of boring bread, a brand on a mission to make the most out of every loaf, to rid the world of GMOs and artificial ingredients, and plant the seeds of good in all that they bake. But Dave's Killer Bread has done more than raise the bar on bread. In fact, Dave's Killer Bread was built on the belief that second chances can change lives. When its founder, Dave, the guy with the guitar you see on every loaf, returned to the family bakery after fifteen years in prison, Dave took that chance and ended up creating what would become the country's number one organic bread while never forgetting his not so easy path. That's why at Dave's Killer Bread, they proudly practice second chance employment, hiring the best person for the job regardless of criminal background. And by the taste of it, things have worked out rather well. Dave's Killer Bread, Bread Amplified.
[00:01:01] Unknown:
Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring.
[00:01:06] Unknown:
Laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer Solitaire.
[00:01:12] Unknown:
Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. Chumbacasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem
[00:01:31] Unknown:
I'm my favorite boy.
[00:02:00] Unknown:
What are you doing in those pajamas? Oh, I have it. I've got pajamas?
[00:02:04] Unknown:
Yeah. But I've been a born life figure out my income tax. And boy, am I happy? Why? I'm gonna pay less than I ever paid before. How is that? I put the government down as a dependent.
[00:02:15] Unknown:
Listen, Castello. Why do you ask me to help you with your income tax? Oh, why should I ask you? Well, because I happen to have a business school diploma, and that makes me a certified public account. I beg your pardon? That makes you what? A certified public account. Well, I got electricity in my hair. Does that make me a bridge with it? I know. Talk sense, please. Let me see your income tax blank. Oh, I'm not using a plan this year, Abbot. I'm making out my tax return on my handkerchief. On a handkerchief? What's the idea? This year, I'm paying through the nose. That's ridiculous.
First, tell me.
[00:02:45] Unknown:
Who has to file an income tax? Not the nose. Everybody put baby. Then why not baby? Of course, they can't tell you what they want taken off. Right. Do I have
[00:02:53] Unknown:
Woo. I said, look. Will you be will you be serious?
[00:02:57] Unknown:
What does the blanks say about salary? Well, it says like this. Where do I read it? Read it carefully. Yeah. Salaries are income received from others consisting of wages, fees, commission bonuses, and other compensation for personal services, and if it's accrued and excessive exemption, and anyone around my face is it. How does that get in there? What what does it say What does it say about schedule a? Oh, schedule a. Yes. Schedule a. It says see paragraph five, schedule b. Well, what does that schedule b say? It says run around paragraph b and d toward paragraph seven. Look. Never mind. What does it say in paragraph seven? It says you won't give up,
[00:03:34] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:03:36] Unknown:
Let's go back to schedule let's go back to schedule a. Read it. Go ahead. Alright. Now schedule a says section four says yes. Total net short term capital gains enter as item 10. Count of five, upper six, lower seven, stick them up long range or affect your company. Can you cut out the silliness, Nutella? I'll answer this question. What what is your income? Oh, about 03:00 in the morning. No. No. No.
[00:04:01] Unknown:
I'm talking about your income less withholding tax.
[00:04:04] Unknown:
The answer to that is obvious. Obvious? Okay. I'll write the answer down. Go ahead. No. No. No. No. I better break the question up for you. Okay. What? After that, I've broken up. Will you do me a favor? Why? Throw it away. Look. Well, let's go on with the next question. Are you living with husband and wife? I have no wife, and I'm not living with my husband. Oh. Oh, you left them, Why did you do it? Because she was very mean to me and he'd take me over to heaven one of the tunes. I no. No. Wait. Wait a minute.
[00:04:31] Unknown:
I I shouldn't have got no husband. I'm an old maid. Look, Cartela. If you're if you're single, what are the names of your parents?
[00:04:38] Unknown:
Papa and mama.
[00:04:42] Unknown:
What look. What was your mother's name before she got there? I don't know. I didn't know her then. Okay. We'll come back to that later. Remember, you can't you can't cheat or you'll deprive the government of money they need. What are you need for? Well, for instance, the government needs money to build bridges. Do you know why we have to have more bridges? Sure. To keep the taxpayers coming across. No. No. No. No. No. No. We need the money for public works. Like, for instance, the FHA. Do you know anything about the FHA? Is Is that anything like OB? What what is OB? That's PO spelled backwards. No. No. No. No. That sounds good. The FHA is the Federal Housing Administration.
Now suppose you wanted to build a house for $10,000 and you only had 7,000.
[00:05:21] Unknown:
What would you do? I owe your thing with $3,000 Well, there's no sense talking money with you. You don't even know the difference between capital and labor. Oh, yes. I do. If I owe you $10, that's capital. That's right. But when I try to get it back, that's labor.
[00:05:35] Unknown:
Now there you go again. Look. Here. I'll explain it to you. Capital is the useful expenditure that employs labor. For example, you go into a store and you spend a dollar. What do I buy? Well, now that look. That doesn't make any difference. It makes a difference to me. When I spend a dollar, I wanna know what I'm getting. I'm
[00:05:49] Unknown:
only using I'm your mom. That reminds me.
[00:05:56] Unknown:
Will you listen to me? I'm trying to straighten out your affairs here. I'm only try trying to use that as an example. I'm trying to make a point. Yeah. But you're shooting my money. I should. No. I love it. I'm only trying to show you how money circulate. Suppose you spend a dollar. It it starts to circulate. 30¢ of your dollar might, wind up in the pocket of some man in New Hampshire. What's his name? What what's his name? That guy in New Hampshire just gripped me for 30¢. No. No. No. That's just an illustration. The man could be in Florida. How do you like that? Now he would sell my 30¢. Castello,
[00:06:25] Unknown:
you know so little about money. It's no wonder you are able to pay your taxes at all. Oh, I got all the money I need to pay my taxes. Then then what is worrying? Where I can borrow a couple of bucks to live on. Oh, no. No. Why that's the silliest thing I ever heard of. Listen, Gastel. No matter how much taxes there are, the government always leaves you something. Oh, yeah. You know my girlfriend, Lina Gensler? Yes. Well, she walked in her tax office wearing a hat by Dache, a dress by Scaparrolli, and jewels by Tiffany. And when she got through paying her taxes What happened? She walked out wearing a pair of valuated by slicks.
[00:07:02] Unknown:
What about Costello?
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Costello, will you please listen to me? Tomorrow is the deadline to pay your income tax. Now where are you going to get the money? I don't know, Abbot.
[00:07:11] Unknown:
Will you owe me the money? No. Sorry, Costello. I never loan money. You loan money to a person, you lose his friendship. That's alright, but I got too many friends anyway.
[00:07:22] Unknown:
I need some money. I beg your pardon, Teddy boy. I gotta get a message through to my wife. Could I use your fountain pen? Your fountain pen? Your fountain pen? My fountain pen? No. Your telephone.
[00:07:39] Unknown:
Oh, okay. Could I have the phone over there? Oh, thank you. Thanks.
[00:07:43] Unknown:
Hello, operator. I want to talk to my wife in Glende. In Glende. In Glende. Glende? No, Pasadena. The number is +1 (357) 114-6842.
[00:08:09] Unknown:
Good thing That is not a dial
[00:08:14] Unknown:
telephone. Oh, okay. I've read it. I'll wait. Just tell everybody you had to tell to come in here in the middle of our business and cause all this disturbance. And that now don't get excited, buddy. This is a very important call. My wife has been getting out of line lately, and I gotta tell her off. Oops. That's it. Hello, Emma. Yeah. Yeah. This is me. Oh, is that snow? Well, you can expect me home in fifteen minutes. What? Well, put it back on the stove and keep it hot for me. Goodbye. Oh, you're turning so hard, mister. Do you think you'll do it? Why, sure. She knows I can't wash dishes in cold water. Oh, so long, Patty
[00:09:04] Unknown:
Oh,
[00:09:16] Unknown:
forget about them, Pascal. Now look. You've gotta get the money to pay your tax. Hey. Come on. Let's go across the hall to missus Niles. Now look, talk nice to her, Costello. She might loan you the money.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Hello, mister Rabbit. Oh, you brought back the wash tub you borrowed. What what wash tub? Oh, oh, pardon me. That's Costello. Now I wish you hadn't said that, missus Niles. I was just gonna tell you that you look like a million dollars. Costello, you never saw a million dollars. That's right. You look like something I never saw before.
[00:09:49] Unknown:
I don't talk like that, Costello. I think missus Niles is beautiful,
[00:09:53] Unknown:
has a lovely smile. Oh, thank you, miss Dravitz. I should have a lovely smile. I go to see my business twice every year. Yes, ma'am. Once for each tooth. I wouldn't talk if I were you, Costello. I just saw your latest picture called the little giant. Oh, you did? How'd you like it? Oh, I thought it was very funny. Thank you. But with you with it, they should have called it the oversized wart.
[00:10:24] Unknown:
I heard you tell Costello off, dear. Oh, you're so refreshing, dear.
[00:10:29] Unknown:
You're my little grapefruit. Oh, no. Get it. You're my little grapefruit. Oh, no. I insist that you're my little grapefruit. And I insist that you're my little grapefruit. Ladies and gentlemen, you just heard from a couple of old squirts.
[00:10:44] Unknown:
Costello, remember what you're here for. Oh, yes. Missus Niles,
[00:10:49] Unknown:
I need money to pay my income tax. Could you lend me $500, please? $500? Mhmm. Sir, Costello, I haven't that much money. Didn't you get any money from the accident? I would've been. I never had any accident. Don't tell me you were born with that
[00:11:07] Unknown:
push. Oh,
[00:11:08] Unknown:
no. Don't tell her I refuse to argue with you. You're no gentleman. In my day, men didn't fight with women. In your day, the men were too busy fighting the Indians.
[00:11:20] Unknown:
Well, you certainly fix yourself with missus Miles. What are you gonna do now? Hey. Wait a minute. Why don't you call your aunt May? She has a stocking pole. I gotta call Betty Grable. She's got two stocking poles. Look. You've gotta get the money somewhere, Costello. Let's go around the neighborhood and see see if you can get it from some of your friends. Okay.
[00:11:39] Unknown:
Hello, Gabbard. It's the actress, Pasi Me Mucho. Hello,
[00:11:43] Unknown:
miss Mucho.
[00:11:45] Unknown:
Hello, boys. Aren't you working today, miss Mucho? Well, I was working in a picture at On Giang and they had to postpone it. The meeting lawn had a severe talk of streptococcus.
[00:12:01] Unknown:
Streptococcus?
[00:12:03] Unknown:
Sure, Abby. You know what streptococcus is. That's where you get those little booges in your tootles.
[00:12:10] Unknown:
Listen, Bessie. Castillo is trying to borrow some money to pay his income tax. Well, that's easy. Whenever I need cash, I go to the bank.
[00:12:19] Unknown:
Bong? Yes.
[00:12:22] Unknown:
Didn't you ever get any cash from a bong? No. Every time I go, I ride a jeep. It pushes.
[00:12:35] Unknown:
Well, I will be going now boys. Good luck to you, Mr. Costello and, off we're the same to you. And a half we need sandwich to you too.
[00:12:46] Unknown:
Do you realize that your income tax payment has to be in tomorrow? I could. Here, let's stop in here and see our old friend Scotty Brown will take a chance.
[00:12:55] Unknown:
I wish you would not knock on my door like this. When you come to my house, it's bad. It wakes up the termites, and they start chewing on the foundation.
[00:13:04] Unknown:
It's not open. I'm in trouble, and I need $500
[00:13:08] Unknown:
to pay my income tax. Oh, I'd like to help you, Lottie, but I just suffered a terrible financial setback. Financial setback? What happened? Well, I bought a pound of rice for supper. And when I was counting the colonels to see that I got a full pound, a terrible thing happened. One of the colonels rolled down the drain pipe.
[00:13:29] Unknown:
Well, Costello, this is what you get for waiting until the last minute to pay your taxes. Now what are you going to do? What are you gonna do? Can can you please loan me some money? No. No. I'm sorry, Costello. I paid my taxes last week and I don't ever said that. I'm a pauper. Well, congratulations, Abbot. What was it? A boy or a girl? I know you're a pauper. Will you stop the stencils, please? Now you need money to pay your taxes, don't you? Yeah. Well, why don't you go into this phone booth right here and call up your uncle Audie Stebbins? He's got plenty of money.
[00:13:58] Unknown:
Oh, that's a good idea, rabbit. Let him loosen up. Good old uncle Artie Stebbins. He he wouldn't turn me down. Number, please. Operator, give me my uncle Artie Stebbins. Beverly Hills three one two. Hello? Hello, uncle Artie. This is Louie Castello. How are you, uncle Artie? Just fine. What can I do for you, Louie? Uncle Artie, I have to pay my income tax, and I wanted if you can loan me $500.
[00:14:21] Unknown:
Talk louder. I can't hear you, Louie. I said, could you loan me $500? I can't hear you, Louis.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
Could you loan me $500?
[00:14:32] Unknown:
I can't hear a word, Louis. Pardon me, mister Stevens. This is the operator, and I can hear him very plain. Then you loan him the
[00:14:44] Unknown:
money.
[00:14:48] Unknown:
Well, come on, Costello. Walk faster. I cannot.
[00:14:51] Unknown:
I walked all over town. Nobody will owe me $500 to pay my taxes. Well, it's your own fault.
[00:14:57] Unknown:
What do you do with all your money? Well, it cost me a lot of money to live. Yesterday, I spent over a thousand dollars for car fare. A thousand dollars? Yeah. Oh, now come now. Come. How could you spend a thousand dollars in one day for street car fare? I forgot to ask for transfers. I Costello, why don't you save your money? Do you realize that if you save $10 a week, only $10 a week, in ten years, you'd have $20,000 Just think, Costello. If a depression came along, you'd have $20,000
[00:15:26] Unknown:
Suppose we don't have a depression in ten years? There I am stuck with all that money.
[00:15:32] Unknown:
Castello, there's only one way to raise your tax money. You've got to borrow the money from a loan company. Come on. I think there's one down the street. Pardon me, young man. Do you know how to get to the office of the OPA? No. I don't. Well, you go down the street, turn to the left, and I see
[00:15:46] Unknown:
both three drops to the right hand. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
[00:15:52] Unknown:
You you asked me. I asked you what? How did you get to the office or the OPA? When you go down? Hey. Hey, Evan. I'm still. Hey. Look, Crystal. It's Millerhead.
[00:16:10] Unknown:
Oh, Millerhead. Hey. I'm in a hurry, Millerhead. I gotta go across the street to the loan office to borrow some money. I'll see you later. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where are you gonna be later? I don't know. I might be anywhere. Oh, now I should chase all over town looking for you, I should leave my poor doubting wife sitting alone while I'm running all over town looking for you. No. It's only the wife's. They would've. They were every minute. Oh, twenty four hours a day. I gotta look at her ugly puss, Well, what do you wanna see me about, Costello? I don't wanna see you. Oh, I don't wanna see me, Then why did you say you'd see me later?
[00:16:41] Unknown:
That's just the old expression like, your father's mustache. What's
[00:16:45] Unknown:
wrong? What's wrong with my father's mustay? I mean, nothing. I'd like to see it. Oh, you would. Get this guy. My father's been dead for twenty years. He wants me to dig him up just so he can see what his mustache is.
[00:17:00] Unknown:
Fuck, man. I'm trying to get money to pay my income tax. You come here and you're driving me to the scratch. I gotta drive you, Too proud to walk.
[00:17:07] Unknown:
I love walking. I think everybody should walk. Oh, a fine thing. My brother John sells bicycles. But no. You say everybody should walk. I've got none against bicycles. Thanks, John.
[00:17:22] Unknown:
I don't know how I I hope your brother sells a million bicycles. I I hope
[00:17:26] Unknown:
Sure. His income tax isn't high enough now.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Fuck, Mannerhead. I'll agree with you. Your brother's income tax is too high. He shouldn't pay so much. Oh, he should cheat the government. Look, Mannerhead. Anybody that cheats the government is a no good rat, a heel, a chisler, and a thief.
[00:17:44] Unknown:
Go on. Hint. Go on. Go on. Make my children ashamed of me.
[00:17:52] Unknown:
Well, don't worry. Have your children been ashamed of you? They they've never been ashamed of you. No. Then why didn't they come to see me last summer in Alcatraz?
[00:18:01] Unknown:
Will you wait I hope you're satisfied, Costello. Now you've told everybody in the company I'm a convict. I ought to punch you right in your fat nose. Now you're doing good, mad, mother hen. Put right up to your hands. Alright. My hands are up. And my hands are up. And my hands are up. Alright. Alright. Our hands are up. Well, what are you gonna do about it? Let's play patty cake.
[00:18:25] Unknown:
Come
[00:18:29] Unknown:
on. Come on, Costello. Let's get into the loan office and get that tax point. Hurry up.
[00:18:34] Unknown:
Abbott. What? I don't know whether I want to borrow any money from a loan company or not. Suppose my friends found it out. Oh, nonsense. See that sign up there? Confidential loan company. Wait a minute. Here comes the man now. Good morning. I would like to I was just going to all I want this guy is losing compression.
[00:18:59] Unknown:
I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak in a whisper. This is a confidential loan company. Understand? Everything here is strictly confidential. I am mister I owe Silver. I arrange the loan.
[00:19:09] Unknown:
Oh, I owe Silver, the loan arranger.
[00:19:22] Unknown:
Now I'll have to ask you a few simple questions. Where were you born? I don't know. But you must know. Where was your mother at the time? She was in Chicago.
[00:19:32] Unknown:
When you were born in Chicago?
[00:19:34] Unknown:
No. I wasn't. I was traveling with my uncle Arnie Stebbins at the time.
[00:19:39] Unknown:
Tell me, will you talk sensitive to man? Please. Please. What day of the week were you born on? Thursday. How did you know it was Thursday?
[00:19:46] Unknown:
What's the next date? We had fish. So I told her to cut that out, deny you. Quiet now, Lou. But remember, we must keep this pretty confidential.
[00:19:57] Unknown:
Now are you the only child? No. I was one of triplets. Triplets? What were they all boys?
[00:20:04] Unknown:
No. One was a boy and one was a girl.
[00:20:07] Unknown:
But you said triplets. What was the other one?
[00:20:11] Unknown:
I don't know. The day we were born, the third one flew away, and we never found out.
[00:20:21] Unknown:
No.
[00:20:26] Unknown:
Will you please be serious now? Now listen. What's your name? What's your name and how much money do you wanna borrow?
[00:20:31] Unknown:
Well, my my name is Luke Costello and I'm happy I'll borrow $500 if you'll promise to keep it very confidential.
[00:20:40] Unknown:
My dear boy, that is the name of our company, the confidential company. Now I don't have $500 in the office right now, but I'll call one of my associates right down the block. We'll keep it all very confidential, of course. Okay. Pardon me while I open the window.
[00:20:53] Unknown:
Why don't you try Sam on 50 Ninth Street? Okay.
[00:20:56] Unknown:
Why you're right. Say hello to my young personal
[00:21:01] Unknown:
deputy. Costello, will you keep your voice down? Hey, Sam. Have you got $1,000? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I only need 500. Quiet. I need 500 for myself.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
Come on. Come on, Abbott. Come Come on. I'm getting none of this place. Wait a minute, Costello. The man will get the money. Yeah. But everybody in the world will know that I wanna borrow money. That's ridiculous, young man. Maybe one or two people might hurt me, but they'll forget all about it. Well, if it's just one or two people heard you, then I guess
[00:21:31] Unknown:
it's all right.
[00:21:43] Unknown:
Hello. It is Ryan, and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on chumbacasino.com. I looked over the person sitting next to me, and you know what they were doing? They were also playing Chumba Casino. Coincidence? I think not. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba Casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere, even at 30,000 feet. So sign up now at chumbacasinocasino.com to claim your free welcome bonus at chumbacasino.com and live the chumba life. No purchase necessary. H t w, avoid prohibited by law, see terms and conditions 18 plus. When Cynthia came to TurboTax,
[00:22:15] Unknown:
she just launched her new side gig, a true crime podcast.
[00:22:19] Unknown:
I'm a first rate detective with a golden voice.
[00:22:23] Unknown:
As her TurboTax expert, I made her second income count by guaranteeing 100% accurate filing and her maximum refund.
[00:22:31] Unknown:
What did she do with that refund?
[00:22:34] Unknown:
Find out next week. Switch to Intuit TurboTax and make your moves count. See guarantee details at turbotax.com/guarantees. Experts only available with TurboTax Live.
Attention shoppers. We now have taste in the bread aisle. Dave's Killer Bread. That's right. An organic bread that doesn't need three spoonfuls of Sriracha jam to delight your taste buds. Dave's Killer Bread is a 21 grain salute to the end of boring bread, a brand on a mission to make the most out of every loaf, to rid the world of GMOs and artificial ingredients, and plant the seeds of good in all that they bake. But Dave's Killer Bread has done more than raise the bar on bread. In fact, Dave's Killer Bread was built on the belief that second chances can change lives. When its founder, Dave, the guy with the guitar you see on every loaf, returned to the family bakery after fifteen years in prison, Dave took that chance and ended up creating what would become the country's number one organic bread while never forgetting his not so easy path. That's why at Dave's Killer Bread, they proudly practice second chance employment, hiring the best person for the job regardless of criminal background. And by the taste of it, things have worked out rather well. Dave's Killer Bread, Bread Amplified.
[00:01:01] Unknown:
Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring.
[00:01:06] Unknown:
Laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer Solitaire.
[00:01:12] Unknown:
Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. Chumbacasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem
[00:01:31] Unknown:
I'm my favorite boy.
[00:02:00] Unknown:
What are you doing in those pajamas? Oh, I have it. I've got pajamas?
[00:02:04] Unknown:
Yeah. But I've been a born life figure out my income tax. And boy, am I happy? Why? I'm gonna pay less than I ever paid before. How is that? I put the government down as a dependent.
[00:02:15] Unknown:
Listen, Castello. Why do you ask me to help you with your income tax? Oh, why should I ask you? Well, because I happen to have a business school diploma, and that makes me a certified public account. I beg your pardon? That makes you what? A certified public account. Well, I got electricity in my hair. Does that make me a bridge with it? I know. Talk sense, please. Let me see your income tax blank. Oh, I'm not using a plan this year, Abbot. I'm making out my tax return on my handkerchief. On a handkerchief? What's the idea? This year, I'm paying through the nose. That's ridiculous.
First, tell me.
[00:02:45] Unknown:
Who has to file an income tax? Not the nose. Everybody put baby. Then why not baby? Of course, they can't tell you what they want taken off. Right. Do I have
[00:02:53] Unknown:
Woo. I said, look. Will you be will you be serious?
[00:02:57] Unknown:
What does the blanks say about salary? Well, it says like this. Where do I read it? Read it carefully. Yeah. Salaries are income received from others consisting of wages, fees, commission bonuses, and other compensation for personal services, and if it's accrued and excessive exemption, and anyone around my face is it. How does that get in there? What what does it say What does it say about schedule a? Oh, schedule a. Yes. Schedule a. It says see paragraph five, schedule b. Well, what does that schedule b say? It says run around paragraph b and d toward paragraph seven. Look. Never mind. What does it say in paragraph seven? It says you won't give up,
[00:03:34] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:03:36] Unknown:
Let's go back to schedule let's go back to schedule a. Read it. Go ahead. Alright. Now schedule a says section four says yes. Total net short term capital gains enter as item 10. Count of five, upper six, lower seven, stick them up long range or affect your company. Can you cut out the silliness, Nutella? I'll answer this question. What what is your income? Oh, about 03:00 in the morning. No. No. No.
[00:04:01] Unknown:
I'm talking about your income less withholding tax.
[00:04:04] Unknown:
The answer to that is obvious. Obvious? Okay. I'll write the answer down. Go ahead. No. No. No. No. I better break the question up for you. Okay. What? After that, I've broken up. Will you do me a favor? Why? Throw it away. Look. Well, let's go on with the next question. Are you living with husband and wife? I have no wife, and I'm not living with my husband. Oh. Oh, you left them, Why did you do it? Because she was very mean to me and he'd take me over to heaven one of the tunes. I no. No. Wait. Wait a minute.
[00:04:31] Unknown:
I I shouldn't have got no husband. I'm an old maid. Look, Cartela. If you're if you're single, what are the names of your parents?
[00:04:38] Unknown:
Papa and mama.
[00:04:42] Unknown:
What look. What was your mother's name before she got there? I don't know. I didn't know her then. Okay. We'll come back to that later. Remember, you can't you can't cheat or you'll deprive the government of money they need. What are you need for? Well, for instance, the government needs money to build bridges. Do you know why we have to have more bridges? Sure. To keep the taxpayers coming across. No. No. No. No. No. No. We need the money for public works. Like, for instance, the FHA. Do you know anything about the FHA? Is Is that anything like OB? What what is OB? That's PO spelled backwards. No. No. No. No. That sounds good. The FHA is the Federal Housing Administration.
Now suppose you wanted to build a house for $10,000 and you only had 7,000.
[00:05:21] Unknown:
What would you do? I owe your thing with $3,000 Well, there's no sense talking money with you. You don't even know the difference between capital and labor. Oh, yes. I do. If I owe you $10, that's capital. That's right. But when I try to get it back, that's labor.
[00:05:35] Unknown:
Now there you go again. Look. Here. I'll explain it to you. Capital is the useful expenditure that employs labor. For example, you go into a store and you spend a dollar. What do I buy? Well, now that look. That doesn't make any difference. It makes a difference to me. When I spend a dollar, I wanna know what I'm getting. I'm
[00:05:49] Unknown:
only using I'm your mom. That reminds me.
[00:05:56] Unknown:
Will you listen to me? I'm trying to straighten out your affairs here. I'm only try trying to use that as an example. I'm trying to make a point. Yeah. But you're shooting my money. I should. No. I love it. I'm only trying to show you how money circulate. Suppose you spend a dollar. It it starts to circulate. 30¢ of your dollar might, wind up in the pocket of some man in New Hampshire. What's his name? What what's his name? That guy in New Hampshire just gripped me for 30¢. No. No. No. That's just an illustration. The man could be in Florida. How do you like that? Now he would sell my 30¢. Castello,
[00:06:25] Unknown:
you know so little about money. It's no wonder you are able to pay your taxes at all. Oh, I got all the money I need to pay my taxes. Then then what is worrying? Where I can borrow a couple of bucks to live on. Oh, no. No. Why that's the silliest thing I ever heard of. Listen, Gastel. No matter how much taxes there are, the government always leaves you something. Oh, yeah. You know my girlfriend, Lina Gensler? Yes. Well, she walked in her tax office wearing a hat by Dache, a dress by Scaparrolli, and jewels by Tiffany. And when she got through paying her taxes What happened? She walked out wearing a pair of valuated by slicks.
[00:07:02] Unknown:
What about Costello?
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Costello, will you please listen to me? Tomorrow is the deadline to pay your income tax. Now where are you going to get the money? I don't know, Abbot.
[00:07:11] Unknown:
Will you owe me the money? No. Sorry, Costello. I never loan money. You loan money to a person, you lose his friendship. That's alright, but I got too many friends anyway.
[00:07:22] Unknown:
I need some money. I beg your pardon, Teddy boy. I gotta get a message through to my wife. Could I use your fountain pen? Your fountain pen? Your fountain pen? My fountain pen? No. Your telephone.
[00:07:39] Unknown:
Oh, okay. Could I have the phone over there? Oh, thank you. Thanks.
[00:07:43] Unknown:
Hello, operator. I want to talk to my wife in Glende. In Glende. In Glende. Glende? No, Pasadena. The number is +1 (357) 114-6842.
[00:08:09] Unknown:
Good thing That is not a dial
[00:08:14] Unknown:
telephone. Oh, okay. I've read it. I'll wait. Just tell everybody you had to tell to come in here in the middle of our business and cause all this disturbance. And that now don't get excited, buddy. This is a very important call. My wife has been getting out of line lately, and I gotta tell her off. Oops. That's it. Hello, Emma. Yeah. Yeah. This is me. Oh, is that snow? Well, you can expect me home in fifteen minutes. What? Well, put it back on the stove and keep it hot for me. Goodbye. Oh, you're turning so hard, mister. Do you think you'll do it? Why, sure. She knows I can't wash dishes in cold water. Oh, so long, Patty
[00:09:04] Unknown:
Oh,
[00:09:16] Unknown:
forget about them, Pascal. Now look. You've gotta get the money to pay your tax. Hey. Come on. Let's go across the hall to missus Niles. Now look, talk nice to her, Costello. She might loan you the money.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Hello, mister Rabbit. Oh, you brought back the wash tub you borrowed. What what wash tub? Oh, oh, pardon me. That's Costello. Now I wish you hadn't said that, missus Niles. I was just gonna tell you that you look like a million dollars. Costello, you never saw a million dollars. That's right. You look like something I never saw before.
[00:09:49] Unknown:
I don't talk like that, Costello. I think missus Niles is beautiful,
[00:09:53] Unknown:
has a lovely smile. Oh, thank you, miss Dravitz. I should have a lovely smile. I go to see my business twice every year. Yes, ma'am. Once for each tooth. I wouldn't talk if I were you, Costello. I just saw your latest picture called the little giant. Oh, you did? How'd you like it? Oh, I thought it was very funny. Thank you. But with you with it, they should have called it the oversized wart.
[00:10:24] Unknown:
I heard you tell Costello off, dear. Oh, you're so refreshing, dear.
[00:10:29] Unknown:
You're my little grapefruit. Oh, no. Get it. You're my little grapefruit. Oh, no. I insist that you're my little grapefruit. And I insist that you're my little grapefruit. Ladies and gentlemen, you just heard from a couple of old squirts.
[00:10:44] Unknown:
Costello, remember what you're here for. Oh, yes. Missus Niles,
[00:10:49] Unknown:
I need money to pay my income tax. Could you lend me $500, please? $500? Mhmm. Sir, Costello, I haven't that much money. Didn't you get any money from the accident? I would've been. I never had any accident. Don't tell me you were born with that
[00:11:07] Unknown:
push. Oh,
[00:11:08] Unknown:
no. Don't tell her I refuse to argue with you. You're no gentleman. In my day, men didn't fight with women. In your day, the men were too busy fighting the Indians.
[00:11:20] Unknown:
Well, you certainly fix yourself with missus Miles. What are you gonna do now? Hey. Wait a minute. Why don't you call your aunt May? She has a stocking pole. I gotta call Betty Grable. She's got two stocking poles. Look. You've gotta get the money somewhere, Costello. Let's go around the neighborhood and see see if you can get it from some of your friends. Okay.
[00:11:39] Unknown:
Hello, Gabbard. It's the actress, Pasi Me Mucho. Hello,
[00:11:43] Unknown:
miss Mucho.
[00:11:45] Unknown:
Hello, boys. Aren't you working today, miss Mucho? Well, I was working in a picture at On Giang and they had to postpone it. The meeting lawn had a severe talk of streptococcus.
[00:12:01] Unknown:
Streptococcus?
[00:12:03] Unknown:
Sure, Abby. You know what streptococcus is. That's where you get those little booges in your tootles.
[00:12:10] Unknown:
Listen, Bessie. Castillo is trying to borrow some money to pay his income tax. Well, that's easy. Whenever I need cash, I go to the bank.
[00:12:19] Unknown:
Bong? Yes.
[00:12:22] Unknown:
Didn't you ever get any cash from a bong? No. Every time I go, I ride a jeep. It pushes.
[00:12:35] Unknown:
Well, I will be going now boys. Good luck to you, Mr. Costello and, off we're the same to you. And a half we need sandwich to you too.
[00:12:46] Unknown:
Do you realize that your income tax payment has to be in tomorrow? I could. Here, let's stop in here and see our old friend Scotty Brown will take a chance.
[00:12:55] Unknown:
I wish you would not knock on my door like this. When you come to my house, it's bad. It wakes up the termites, and they start chewing on the foundation.
[00:13:04] Unknown:
It's not open. I'm in trouble, and I need $500
[00:13:08] Unknown:
to pay my income tax. Oh, I'd like to help you, Lottie, but I just suffered a terrible financial setback. Financial setback? What happened? Well, I bought a pound of rice for supper. And when I was counting the colonels to see that I got a full pound, a terrible thing happened. One of the colonels rolled down the drain pipe.
[00:13:29] Unknown:
Well, Costello, this is what you get for waiting until the last minute to pay your taxes. Now what are you going to do? What are you gonna do? Can can you please loan me some money? No. No. I'm sorry, Costello. I paid my taxes last week and I don't ever said that. I'm a pauper. Well, congratulations, Abbot. What was it? A boy or a girl? I know you're a pauper. Will you stop the stencils, please? Now you need money to pay your taxes, don't you? Yeah. Well, why don't you go into this phone booth right here and call up your uncle Audie Stebbins? He's got plenty of money.
[00:13:58] Unknown:
Oh, that's a good idea, rabbit. Let him loosen up. Good old uncle Artie Stebbins. He he wouldn't turn me down. Number, please. Operator, give me my uncle Artie Stebbins. Beverly Hills three one two. Hello? Hello, uncle Artie. This is Louie Castello. How are you, uncle Artie? Just fine. What can I do for you, Louie? Uncle Artie, I have to pay my income tax, and I wanted if you can loan me $500.
[00:14:21] Unknown:
Talk louder. I can't hear you, Louie. I said, could you loan me $500? I can't hear you, Louis.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
Could you loan me $500?
[00:14:32] Unknown:
I can't hear a word, Louis. Pardon me, mister Stevens. This is the operator, and I can hear him very plain. Then you loan him the
[00:14:44] Unknown:
money.
[00:14:48] Unknown:
Well, come on, Costello. Walk faster. I cannot.
[00:14:51] Unknown:
I walked all over town. Nobody will owe me $500 to pay my taxes. Well, it's your own fault.
[00:14:57] Unknown:
What do you do with all your money? Well, it cost me a lot of money to live. Yesterday, I spent over a thousand dollars for car fare. A thousand dollars? Yeah. Oh, now come now. Come. How could you spend a thousand dollars in one day for street car fare? I forgot to ask for transfers. I Costello, why don't you save your money? Do you realize that if you save $10 a week, only $10 a week, in ten years, you'd have $20,000 Just think, Costello. If a depression came along, you'd have $20,000
[00:15:26] Unknown:
Suppose we don't have a depression in ten years? There I am stuck with all that money.
[00:15:32] Unknown:
Castello, there's only one way to raise your tax money. You've got to borrow the money from a loan company. Come on. I think there's one down the street. Pardon me, young man. Do you know how to get to the office of the OPA? No. I don't. Well, you go down the street, turn to the left, and I see
[00:15:46] Unknown:
both three drops to the right hand. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
[00:15:52] Unknown:
You you asked me. I asked you what? How did you get to the office or the OPA? When you go down? Hey. Hey, Evan. I'm still. Hey. Look, Crystal. It's Millerhead.
[00:16:10] Unknown:
Oh, Millerhead. Hey. I'm in a hurry, Millerhead. I gotta go across the street to the loan office to borrow some money. I'll see you later. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where are you gonna be later? I don't know. I might be anywhere. Oh, now I should chase all over town looking for you, I should leave my poor doubting wife sitting alone while I'm running all over town looking for you. No. It's only the wife's. They would've. They were every minute. Oh, twenty four hours a day. I gotta look at her ugly puss, Well, what do you wanna see me about, Costello? I don't wanna see you. Oh, I don't wanna see me, Then why did you say you'd see me later?
[00:16:41] Unknown:
That's just the old expression like, your father's mustache. What's
[00:16:45] Unknown:
wrong? What's wrong with my father's mustay? I mean, nothing. I'd like to see it. Oh, you would. Get this guy. My father's been dead for twenty years. He wants me to dig him up just so he can see what his mustache is.
[00:17:00] Unknown:
Fuck, man. I'm trying to get money to pay my income tax. You come here and you're driving me to the scratch. I gotta drive you, Too proud to walk.
[00:17:07] Unknown:
I love walking. I think everybody should walk. Oh, a fine thing. My brother John sells bicycles. But no. You say everybody should walk. I've got none against bicycles. Thanks, John.
[00:17:22] Unknown:
I don't know how I I hope your brother sells a million bicycles. I I hope
[00:17:26] Unknown:
Sure. His income tax isn't high enough now.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Fuck, Mannerhead. I'll agree with you. Your brother's income tax is too high. He shouldn't pay so much. Oh, he should cheat the government. Look, Mannerhead. Anybody that cheats the government is a no good rat, a heel, a chisler, and a thief.
[00:17:44] Unknown:
Go on. Hint. Go on. Go on. Make my children ashamed of me.
[00:17:52] Unknown:
Well, don't worry. Have your children been ashamed of you? They they've never been ashamed of you. No. Then why didn't they come to see me last summer in Alcatraz?
[00:18:01] Unknown:
Will you wait I hope you're satisfied, Costello. Now you've told everybody in the company I'm a convict. I ought to punch you right in your fat nose. Now you're doing good, mad, mother hen. Put right up to your hands. Alright. My hands are up. And my hands are up. And my hands are up. Alright. Alright. Our hands are up. Well, what are you gonna do about it? Let's play patty cake.
[00:18:25] Unknown:
Come
[00:18:29] Unknown:
on. Come on, Costello. Let's get into the loan office and get that tax point. Hurry up.
[00:18:34] Unknown:
Abbott. What? I don't know whether I want to borrow any money from a loan company or not. Suppose my friends found it out. Oh, nonsense. See that sign up there? Confidential loan company. Wait a minute. Here comes the man now. Good morning. I would like to I was just going to all I want this guy is losing compression.
[00:18:59] Unknown:
I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak in a whisper. This is a confidential loan company. Understand? Everything here is strictly confidential. I am mister I owe Silver. I arrange the loan.
[00:19:09] Unknown:
Oh, I owe Silver, the loan arranger.
[00:19:22] Unknown:
Now I'll have to ask you a few simple questions. Where were you born? I don't know. But you must know. Where was your mother at the time? She was in Chicago.
[00:19:32] Unknown:
When you were born in Chicago?
[00:19:34] Unknown:
No. I wasn't. I was traveling with my uncle Arnie Stebbins at the time.
[00:19:39] Unknown:
Tell me, will you talk sensitive to man? Please. Please. What day of the week were you born on? Thursday. How did you know it was Thursday?
[00:19:46] Unknown:
What's the next date? We had fish. So I told her to cut that out, deny you. Quiet now, Lou. But remember, we must keep this pretty confidential.
[00:19:57] Unknown:
Now are you the only child? No. I was one of triplets. Triplets? What were they all boys?
[00:20:04] Unknown:
No. One was a boy and one was a girl.
[00:20:07] Unknown:
But you said triplets. What was the other one?
[00:20:11] Unknown:
I don't know. The day we were born, the third one flew away, and we never found out.
[00:20:21] Unknown:
No.
[00:20:26] Unknown:
Will you please be serious now? Now listen. What's your name? What's your name and how much money do you wanna borrow?
[00:20:31] Unknown:
Well, my my name is Luke Costello and I'm happy I'll borrow $500 if you'll promise to keep it very confidential.
[00:20:40] Unknown:
My dear boy, that is the name of our company, the confidential company. Now I don't have $500 in the office right now, but I'll call one of my associates right down the block. We'll keep it all very confidential, of course. Okay. Pardon me while I open the window.
[00:20:53] Unknown:
Why don't you try Sam on 50 Ninth Street? Okay.
[00:20:56] Unknown:
Why you're right. Say hello to my young personal
[00:21:01] Unknown:
deputy. Costello, will you keep your voice down? Hey, Sam. Have you got $1,000? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I only need 500. Quiet. I need 500 for myself.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
Come on. Come on, Abbott. Come Come on. I'm getting none of this place. Wait a minute, Costello. The man will get the money. Yeah. But everybody in the world will know that I wanna borrow money. That's ridiculous, young man. Maybe one or two people might hurt me, but they'll forget all about it. Well, if it's just one or two people heard you, then I guess
[00:21:31] Unknown:
it's all right.
[00:21:43] Unknown:
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