In this lively episode, Ryan brings a touch of humor and light-hearted banter to brighten your day. The episode kicks off with a playful discussion about the mundane aspects of daily life and how games like Chumba Casino can add a spark of joy. The conversation quickly shifts to a comedic exchange reminiscent of classic radio shows, featuring characters like Costello and Abbott, who engage in a series of humorous dialogues about family antics, misunderstandings, and the quirks of everyday life.
The episode is filled with witty exchanges and comedic sketches, including a hilarious take on family dynamics, marriage proposals, and the challenges of renting an apartment. The characters navigate through a series of misunderstandings and playful jabs, all while keeping the audience entertained with their quick wit and comedic timing. Whether it's discussing National Dog Week or the intricacies of renting an apartment, this episode promises to deliver laughs and a delightful escape from the ordinary.
(00:00) Introduction and Lighthearted Banter
(01:32) National Dog Week and Family Antics
(04:00) Family Stories and Misunderstandings
(07:07) Romantic Misadventures and Susan Miller
(10:14) Boarding House Humor and Roommate Troubles
(13:03) Real Estate Shenanigans
(16:23) Landlord Woes and Tenant Encounters
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:01:02] Unknown:
Alright. Alright, Here I am. Well, where have you been? I was sitting in the front row with the front row. Why were you sitting in the front row? What? They wouldn't let me sit down and stay. Well, you know, I was probably down here in the studio, and a fellow was following me with a shotgun. So I run and he run, up one street and down another. Well, he didn't shoot you with a shotgun. No. It turned out alright. He's on his way to a wedding. Enough of this silliness. Do you know that this is at National Dog Week, bro? Oh, sure. I celebrate all those weeks. National Apple Week, I went out and I had a nap. National Dog Week, I went out and I had a donut. National Baby Week, I went out. I didn't celebrate. Now wait a minute. By the way, yes. Didn't I see an ad in the paper this morning where you wanted a secretary to answer your fan mail? Yes. I put it in there. You get any answers?
Mhmm. Yes. A beautiful redhead walked into my patio, and I started interviewing. After a few questions, I didn't waste any time. I started chasing her around the barbecue. Well, that sounds great. Why didn't you hire her? Hire. I couldn't even catch her. Didn't know it didn't mean you say that. Ability. Now, Stella, how can you beat such an idiot? Oh, it's an old recipe that's been in my family for years. Speaking of your family, how is uncle Michael? Oh, boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Aunt May presented him with a baby boy, New Year's. The new baby was such a shock to him that he quit smoking. He used to be a chain smoker. Gave up cigarettes.
He just smoked cigarettes. He smoked chain. Now please, Costello. Wait. Relax and listen a minute. My friend here has has got something interesting to say. Costello, come over here. Where were you all afternoon? When I took a walk down Hollywood Boulevard, Abbot. And this is Abbot's passing Nancy's department store. All the girls in the window winked at me. Those those are not girls in that window. They're dummy. Dummies? They ain't so dumb. They were all wearing me coats. Well, never mind that. Never mind that. Listen. What was your aunt May doing out there? Will you ask my question? Cook. Cook. What was your aunt May doing out on Sunset Boulevard this morning, banging the pavement with a big sledgehammer?
Well, he and my uncle Mike had a fight. He told her to hit the road. Why don't you tell her? How did they ever step in to get married? Well, one night, uncle Mike proposed to her. He didn't have an engagement ring, so he put the cigar band on her finger. Where did he get the cigar band? Aunt May was smoking at the time. Cuttula, why is it none of your family and none of your relatives ever get along? Well, they all get along, haven't. Why my aunt, he was the oldest married woman in Baltimore. He's been married fifty years. Has he ever been separated from my husband? Only once. Fine. How long? Fifty years. Fifty years? If you do talk, Davis, what happened to your uncle Jim? I haven't seen him since New Year's Eve. Oh, uncle Jim is home playing catcall history. How does he play jack o'-lanterns? He just sits in the window and gets lit up.
Oh, he don't have to work. He won $5,000 on the People of Funny Show. And he split with my Aunt Alma. What's your Aunt Alma going to do with her share? What year? I said he flipped with her. He left town with the money. I'll make your aunt Alma feel bad about it, don't you? Yes. It's a couple of damn left. She can't eat. She can't sleep. She can't go to the movies. Why? She ain't got no money. I was right. You and your whole family are morons. What? Tell us what you say about us morons, Abbot. We're organized now.
Hello? Hey, mister. Hello? I wanna thank you for that lovely Christmas gift you sent me. It was the most wonderful game I ever played. Game? I didn't send you any game. That was an autographed picture of myself. How do you like that? All night long, my wife and I set up find a pen of tail on it. This mother is jealous of all the other mothers. Why? They have children. He's a pretty good actor, Catella. Last week, he was on information, please. Yes. And they couldn't guess What? He was. An audience. You don't have to know who tore all the, girl's pictures out of my new Esquire magazine, do you? I just have it, but I did find a mistake. Mistake? Yes. I thought it was Sears Roebuck catalog. I was sending in my order. Hey, Cassell, the only way you can get a girl by mail is to join a lonely hearts club. I did that once. I took my picture in the lonely hearts club and they sent it back with a note. What does the note say? We're not. That's lonely.
Castell, you're our wolf. Do you know what a wolf is? Sure. Wolf is an animal on two legs that cut up their eyes on two other legs. Castell, if you fight a nice girl and get married, I'll go to Washington
[00:06:44] Unknown:
and get Margaret Truman to see. I'll have her sing, oh, promise. It's your wedding. Okay. Well, you're right. Let's see if we can get congress to promise up at two.
[00:06:55] Unknown:
Let me tell you, Scott. Tell her no girl would have you. You're too fat. You'll never get a beautiful girl with your shape. What's a girl with my shape? I want Susan Miller. After the show last week, Susan kissed me. Yes. What kind of a gift did she give you? Was it a sisterly gift, a friendly gift, or or a real sweetheart gift? I don't know. Which is the one where she has to help you down off the channel air when it's all over? Hello, Hey. Susan Miller. Oh, Susan, you look so pretty tonight. What makes you so beautiful? Well, to tell her, you know the okay.
[00:07:48] Unknown:
Girls are made of gizzling, spice, and everything. Nice.
[00:07:51] Unknown:
Once I get my garlic and hash and your pot is almost there. Joseph, no pay any attention to this b o o b. Oh, that's a good one. I bet he doesn't even know what b o o b means. I do so. It's b o spelled forward, backwards, and sideways.
[00:08:13] Unknown:
Okay. Miss Taylor, why don't you stop forcing your attention on Susan? She's not for you. She's of upper crust. And you're the Noah crust. She we put make beautiful pies together.
[00:08:24] Unknown:
Oh, that's Nutella, Susan is not your type. I'd be more suited to to her. I I asked the man. I'm hoity hoity. Abbot, you may be hoity, but you'll never see hoity again. And, well, how did you make video on Gastellus's? Go out to dinner with him tonight. I will not. Last time I went to a restaurant with him, there was some silverware missing, and the cashier wanted to search me. But, Susan, you're not the type to steal silverware. That's what I told the cashier. Said if I would walk out of the restaurant with Costello, I'd walk out with anything. Susan, if you don't call with me tonight, I'll disappear.
[00:09:02] Unknown:
Tomorrow morning, the police will be dragging the Los Angeles River from my body, but they won't find me. Why? I'll be home in bed.
[00:09:16] Unknown:
Don't don't don't don't. Don't tell her. You better be nice to Susan Miller. She's moving in to your boarding house today, and she's, taking the room directly above you. You wanna be in Room 215 and I'm in 115? That's right. Have it. Call the OPA. What's on? I want them to remove my ceiling. I hey. Hey. Don't Susan be in that room all the time? Well, you know Susan. She goes in and out. You know the set too, Evan? Oh, this is wonderful. A woman I love living right upstairs. Oh, stop. Go tell him. You're not in love with Susan. She's just, up there. There. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, she should like the room. She gets bored with it. Well, I'm glad.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
She
[00:10:10] Unknown:
gets bored with the room. She gets bored with the room. Why did she rent it in the first place? Oh, she's not bored with the room. She's very happy. You just said that she gets bored with the room. That's right. Why is she getting all that lumber? I'm not talking about lumber. I'm talking about board. Susan eats her board. Who feeds all these boards? The landlady. The landlady. Of course. Susan made arrangements for the landlady to eat her board three times a day, thirty days a month. Yeah. But I'm moving out of that place. Why? That's just a Miller who's gonna eat me out of house and home. What are you getting so excited about? What business what business is it of yours what she does to her room? I'll make it my business, brother. Her floor happens to be my ceiling.
I don't mind you knocking the fox out from under me every week, but I ain't gonna let that Susan Miller eat the roof from over my head. Settle. There's no sense getting yourself into a frenzy. I got a flaw in my ceiling. How do you like that? I've been living upside down. Now I find out. Costello, you're all mixed up. How do you get so daffy? Because I've been living upside down for six years. What's your excuse? Now wait a minute. How do you like walking around on your head? I'm not walking around on my head. Neither are you. I'm only trying to text you. This room is perfect. It has no flaw. That happens because she gets bored with the room. Here we go again. Oh, the the reason she likes to get bored with the room is because she gets so hungry after a busy day at the studio that she rushes home and eats like a beaver. Now he's gotta eat beaver porn.
He does not eat beaver porn. You just have to eat the boy like a beaver. I said to eat like a beaver. What is he? What does he eat like a beaver? A boy. I expect him again. Alright. Forget about the fever. Susan, he can abort three times a day. Starts with Brexit. I suppose for breakfast, he has a couple of soft boiled shingles. No. No. Let's if you will excuse me, mister Abbott, I got a run over and nail assigned to Susan Miller's store for one of the rumors. What kind of a sign? What kind of a sign, gas? Beware. Susan Miller. Ter termite. Ma'am, Castella. This is Miller moving to that room in your, room in your house. Couldn't have it. Yes. That was over. You rented from a family of 14. None of them are working. 14 people in one room?
How do they pay the rent? They take invoice. I'm gonna move out of there myself, but I'm getting sick. I have in a room with an adjoining. Adjourning what? I don't know. I can never get the other door open. If you had any sense, you'd buy an apartment building. Invest your money now. Who knows? Tomorrow, your dollar may be worth 10¢. Abbott, do you think the value of the dollar is gonna go up? Yeah. That's all. If you own an apartment house, who would you rent?
[00:13:23] Unknown:
Well, let me see.
[00:13:24] Unknown:
Well, I've rent one apartment for a lawyer. Why? That's the case I get in trouble. And I rent one for a gorgeous tenant. Why? That's to make sure I get in trouble. Tell Stella, to be a landlord, you've gotta be tough. The man on the First Floor don't pay his rent. Squeeze it out of him. I can't do that. That's not me. Well, if the man on the Second Floor can't pay his rent, squeeze it out of him. That's not me. If that gorgeous redhead can't pay your rent Not me. Shut up.
[00:13:59] Unknown:
Adam,
[00:14:00] Unknown:
I think I'll rent an apartment in Saultsimoa right across the porch of mine. Yeah. And I can see her morning, noon, and night. What makes you so sure you'll see so much of it? Pop and I rent her won't have any window shades. Come on, Godzilla. Let's go to the real estate broker and see if we can buy you an apartment house.
[00:14:25] Unknown:
So you wanna buy an apartment? I can sell. Well, let me work at my listing.
[00:14:32] Unknown:
Here's a small apartment over a garage. It has a lovely living room, a gorgeous bedroom, and the bathroom is out of this world. Ain't that a Willow in Cleveland? CUSTOMO, how does this sound to you? A Swiss LA, Swiss architecture, Swiss furniture. Sounds pretty cheesy to me. They need to do, CUSTOMO, a new house. Nothing doing. They're making all of them new ones out of tap bricks. What a tap brick? Every time it gets a little dewy, they drop out. My uncle Mike built an apartment next to the dew. He's still nearsighted. He started nailing zebras over the windows. Nailed zebras over the windows? Yes. He thought they were awning. Not telling you. Your uncle Mike knows nothing about building and neither do you. I do so. And what's the first thing you do in building a house? I call up the corset shop. To build a house, you call a closet shop. Oh, where do you think I can get my foundation?
Mister Brokers, don't you have enough apartment houses? That's a real bargain. Oh, I got just the house for you, Gastel. Jane Russell lives on one side of it. Who lives on the other side? Who cares? I'll take it. Oh, come on, Costello. Cut, tell you a dummy. You bought this apartment house to get a place to live, and there isn't a vacancy in the building. You ought to have your brains examined. Get out of it. I had my brains examined at Harvard. What did they say? I don't know. I haven't got the back yet. Hey. Look, Costello. You're the landlord of this billing, and you have a right to an apartment. Now go to that door and tell the tenant
[00:16:31] Unknown:
to move. Act up.
[00:16:35] Unknown:
Real tough? I'll call him out. What do you want? I'm the new landlord, and I'm here to ask you Wait a minute till I finish talking to my wife.
[00:16:47] Unknown:
Emma, I called you a thousand times. I like fuck. You owe my steak. And I get forgotten about it.
[00:16:55] Unknown:
You know what that means. Oh, landlord, what would you gonna ask me? Are you getting enough hot water? I'll tell them to knock on my door.
[00:17:18] Unknown:
I'll talk to that then. Okay. I don't
[00:17:23] Unknown:
Oh, what's your what's that?
[00:17:26] Unknown:
Excuse me. But my partner wants to talk to you. My man,
[00:17:32] Unknown:
you're dealing with blood habits now. I don't wanna ask you to Mom, Mom. Wait a minute. I can't tell I talk tonight. What's the trouble, my dear? You told me I could go out of the house tonight and get some fresh air. Oh, I could. Now, rabbit, what were you gonna ask me? Alright. Are you sure you're getting enough hot water? Do you mind you, rabbit? You're a coward. You're the coward? Stand there and let him talk that way to me. Have it. There's only one reason I didn't let him have it. What's that? I haven't got it. Well, never mind, man. Let's try this next part here. And this time before, make him get out. Please knock on the door.
[00:18:32] Unknown:
Hello?
[00:18:37] Unknown:
Beautiful. Look at the weather. He's wearing. Uh-huh. Godzilla.
[00:18:42] Unknown:
Don't let her pull the wool over your eyes. She's pulling my eyes over the wool.
[00:18:51] Unknown:
Well, well, well, he's too shoo. Now what can I do for you?
[00:18:57] Unknown:
So, what did you have in mind? Pastello. Pastello. Pastello. Remember, you just think of some way to make her move.
[00:19:10] Unknown:
I got it. I'll pickle it.
[00:19:14] Unknown:
From the analyst. Miss, you're, very sweet, but Costello is the landlord, and he needs your apartment, so you'll have to move.
[00:19:23] Unknown:
Beautiful fella. I've been here for five years. Well I decorated this place myself. I'm I'm There's a part of me in every room. There's a part of me in the living room. There's a part of me in the dining room. There's a part of me in the kitchen.
[00:19:38] Unknown:
I hope you didn't misplace anything. Parts like yours are still hard to get. That's how it tell her she's just she's got to abandon the apartment.
[00:19:55] Unknown:
Okay. Gotta have a band in the apartment. What's
[00:20:02] Unknown:
wrong? You've got to abandon
[00:20:05] Unknown:
the apartment. That's
[00:20:07] Unknown:
the lie. You said abandon the apartment. Tell us you gotta get you gotta leave. Well,
[00:20:13] Unknown:
okay. Smith, you'll cut the yard up here in eight hours. Well, alright. Did you say so? And now, think
[00:20:24] Unknown:
right. Now when do I have to
[00:20:29] Unknown:
I'll give you twenty four hours.
[00:20:33] Unknown:
Oh, well then I'll check. Why?
[00:20:43] Unknown:
Remember now. You gotta leave within ten days.
[00:20:53] Unknown:
If you ain't out of here by nineteen sixty three, there's gonna be something. That's still here all week. Be firm. Tell me to get out.
[00:21:04] Unknown:
Okay.
[00:21:06] Unknown:
Yes. There's only one thing I wanna say to you.
[00:21:10] Unknown:
Could you could you wait tonight and goodbye to my brother? Who's your brother? Please stop dining next to partner.
[00:21:19] Unknown:
Are you sure you're getting enough hot water?
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[00:00:52] Unknown:
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[00:01:02] Unknown:
Alright. Alright, Here I am. Well, where have you been? I was sitting in the front row with the front row. Why were you sitting in the front row? What? They wouldn't let me sit down and stay. Well, you know, I was probably down here in the studio, and a fellow was following me with a shotgun. So I run and he run, up one street and down another. Well, he didn't shoot you with a shotgun. No. It turned out alright. He's on his way to a wedding. Enough of this silliness. Do you know that this is at National Dog Week, bro? Oh, sure. I celebrate all those weeks. National Apple Week, I went out and I had a nap. National Dog Week, I went out and I had a donut. National Baby Week, I went out. I didn't celebrate. Now wait a minute. By the way, yes. Didn't I see an ad in the paper this morning where you wanted a secretary to answer your fan mail? Yes. I put it in there. You get any answers?
Mhmm. Yes. A beautiful redhead walked into my patio, and I started interviewing. After a few questions, I didn't waste any time. I started chasing her around the barbecue. Well, that sounds great. Why didn't you hire her? Hire. I couldn't even catch her. Didn't know it didn't mean you say that. Ability. Now, Stella, how can you beat such an idiot? Oh, it's an old recipe that's been in my family for years. Speaking of your family, how is uncle Michael? Oh, boy. Boy. Boy. Boy. Aunt May presented him with a baby boy, New Year's. The new baby was such a shock to him that he quit smoking. He used to be a chain smoker. Gave up cigarettes.
He just smoked cigarettes. He smoked chain. Now please, Costello. Wait. Relax and listen a minute. My friend here has has got something interesting to say. Costello, come over here. Where were you all afternoon? When I took a walk down Hollywood Boulevard, Abbot. And this is Abbot's passing Nancy's department store. All the girls in the window winked at me. Those those are not girls in that window. They're dummy. Dummies? They ain't so dumb. They were all wearing me coats. Well, never mind that. Never mind that. Listen. What was your aunt May doing out there? Will you ask my question? Cook. Cook. What was your aunt May doing out on Sunset Boulevard this morning, banging the pavement with a big sledgehammer?
Well, he and my uncle Mike had a fight. He told her to hit the road. Why don't you tell her? How did they ever step in to get married? Well, one night, uncle Mike proposed to her. He didn't have an engagement ring, so he put the cigar band on her finger. Where did he get the cigar band? Aunt May was smoking at the time. Cuttula, why is it none of your family and none of your relatives ever get along? Well, they all get along, haven't. Why my aunt, he was the oldest married woman in Baltimore. He's been married fifty years. Has he ever been separated from my husband? Only once. Fine. How long? Fifty years. Fifty years? If you do talk, Davis, what happened to your uncle Jim? I haven't seen him since New Year's Eve. Oh, uncle Jim is home playing catcall history. How does he play jack o'-lanterns? He just sits in the window and gets lit up.
Oh, he don't have to work. He won $5,000 on the People of Funny Show. And he split with my Aunt Alma. What's your Aunt Alma going to do with her share? What year? I said he flipped with her. He left town with the money. I'll make your aunt Alma feel bad about it, don't you? Yes. It's a couple of damn left. She can't eat. She can't sleep. She can't go to the movies. Why? She ain't got no money. I was right. You and your whole family are morons. What? Tell us what you say about us morons, Abbot. We're organized now.
Hello? Hey, mister. Hello? I wanna thank you for that lovely Christmas gift you sent me. It was the most wonderful game I ever played. Game? I didn't send you any game. That was an autographed picture of myself. How do you like that? All night long, my wife and I set up find a pen of tail on it. This mother is jealous of all the other mothers. Why? They have children. He's a pretty good actor, Catella. Last week, he was on information, please. Yes. And they couldn't guess What? He was. An audience. You don't have to know who tore all the, girl's pictures out of my new Esquire magazine, do you? I just have it, but I did find a mistake. Mistake? Yes. I thought it was Sears Roebuck catalog. I was sending in my order. Hey, Cassell, the only way you can get a girl by mail is to join a lonely hearts club. I did that once. I took my picture in the lonely hearts club and they sent it back with a note. What does the note say? We're not. That's lonely.
Castell, you're our wolf. Do you know what a wolf is? Sure. Wolf is an animal on two legs that cut up their eyes on two other legs. Castell, if you fight a nice girl and get married, I'll go to Washington
[00:06:44] Unknown:
and get Margaret Truman to see. I'll have her sing, oh, promise. It's your wedding. Okay. Well, you're right. Let's see if we can get congress to promise up at two.
[00:06:55] Unknown:
Let me tell you, Scott. Tell her no girl would have you. You're too fat. You'll never get a beautiful girl with your shape. What's a girl with my shape? I want Susan Miller. After the show last week, Susan kissed me. Yes. What kind of a gift did she give you? Was it a sisterly gift, a friendly gift, or or a real sweetheart gift? I don't know. Which is the one where she has to help you down off the channel air when it's all over? Hello, Hey. Susan Miller. Oh, Susan, you look so pretty tonight. What makes you so beautiful? Well, to tell her, you know the okay.
[00:07:48] Unknown:
Girls are made of gizzling, spice, and everything. Nice.
[00:07:51] Unknown:
Once I get my garlic and hash and your pot is almost there. Joseph, no pay any attention to this b o o b. Oh, that's a good one. I bet he doesn't even know what b o o b means. I do so. It's b o spelled forward, backwards, and sideways.
[00:08:13] Unknown:
Okay. Miss Taylor, why don't you stop forcing your attention on Susan? She's not for you. She's of upper crust. And you're the Noah crust. She we put make beautiful pies together.
[00:08:24] Unknown:
Oh, that's Nutella, Susan is not your type. I'd be more suited to to her. I I asked the man. I'm hoity hoity. Abbot, you may be hoity, but you'll never see hoity again. And, well, how did you make video on Gastellus's? Go out to dinner with him tonight. I will not. Last time I went to a restaurant with him, there was some silverware missing, and the cashier wanted to search me. But, Susan, you're not the type to steal silverware. That's what I told the cashier. Said if I would walk out of the restaurant with Costello, I'd walk out with anything. Susan, if you don't call with me tonight, I'll disappear.
[00:09:02] Unknown:
Tomorrow morning, the police will be dragging the Los Angeles River from my body, but they won't find me. Why? I'll be home in bed.
[00:09:16] Unknown:
Don't don't don't don't. Don't tell her. You better be nice to Susan Miller. She's moving in to your boarding house today, and she's, taking the room directly above you. You wanna be in Room 215 and I'm in 115? That's right. Have it. Call the OPA. What's on? I want them to remove my ceiling. I hey. Hey. Don't Susan be in that room all the time? Well, you know Susan. She goes in and out. You know the set too, Evan? Oh, this is wonderful. A woman I love living right upstairs. Oh, stop. Go tell him. You're not in love with Susan. She's just, up there. There. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, she should like the room. She gets bored with it. Well, I'm glad.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
She
[00:10:10] Unknown:
gets bored with the room. She gets bored with the room. Why did she rent it in the first place? Oh, she's not bored with the room. She's very happy. You just said that she gets bored with the room. That's right. Why is she getting all that lumber? I'm not talking about lumber. I'm talking about board. Susan eats her board. Who feeds all these boards? The landlady. The landlady. Of course. Susan made arrangements for the landlady to eat her board three times a day, thirty days a month. Yeah. But I'm moving out of that place. Why? That's just a Miller who's gonna eat me out of house and home. What are you getting so excited about? What business what business is it of yours what she does to her room? I'll make it my business, brother. Her floor happens to be my ceiling.
I don't mind you knocking the fox out from under me every week, but I ain't gonna let that Susan Miller eat the roof from over my head. Settle. There's no sense getting yourself into a frenzy. I got a flaw in my ceiling. How do you like that? I've been living upside down. Now I find out. Costello, you're all mixed up. How do you get so daffy? Because I've been living upside down for six years. What's your excuse? Now wait a minute. How do you like walking around on your head? I'm not walking around on my head. Neither are you. I'm only trying to text you. This room is perfect. It has no flaw. That happens because she gets bored with the room. Here we go again. Oh, the the reason she likes to get bored with the room is because she gets so hungry after a busy day at the studio that she rushes home and eats like a beaver. Now he's gotta eat beaver porn.
He does not eat beaver porn. You just have to eat the boy like a beaver. I said to eat like a beaver. What is he? What does he eat like a beaver? A boy. I expect him again. Alright. Forget about the fever. Susan, he can abort three times a day. Starts with Brexit. I suppose for breakfast, he has a couple of soft boiled shingles. No. No. Let's if you will excuse me, mister Abbott, I got a run over and nail assigned to Susan Miller's store for one of the rumors. What kind of a sign? What kind of a sign, gas? Beware. Susan Miller. Ter termite. Ma'am, Castella. This is Miller moving to that room in your, room in your house. Couldn't have it. Yes. That was over. You rented from a family of 14. None of them are working. 14 people in one room?
How do they pay the rent? They take invoice. I'm gonna move out of there myself, but I'm getting sick. I have in a room with an adjoining. Adjourning what? I don't know. I can never get the other door open. If you had any sense, you'd buy an apartment building. Invest your money now. Who knows? Tomorrow, your dollar may be worth 10¢. Abbott, do you think the value of the dollar is gonna go up? Yeah. That's all. If you own an apartment house, who would you rent?
[00:13:23] Unknown:
Well, let me see.
[00:13:24] Unknown:
Well, I've rent one apartment for a lawyer. Why? That's the case I get in trouble. And I rent one for a gorgeous tenant. Why? That's to make sure I get in trouble. Tell Stella, to be a landlord, you've gotta be tough. The man on the First Floor don't pay his rent. Squeeze it out of him. I can't do that. That's not me. Well, if the man on the Second Floor can't pay his rent, squeeze it out of him. That's not me. If that gorgeous redhead can't pay your rent Not me. Shut up.
[00:13:59] Unknown:
Adam,
[00:14:00] Unknown:
I think I'll rent an apartment in Saultsimoa right across the porch of mine. Yeah. And I can see her morning, noon, and night. What makes you so sure you'll see so much of it? Pop and I rent her won't have any window shades. Come on, Godzilla. Let's go to the real estate broker and see if we can buy you an apartment house.
[00:14:25] Unknown:
So you wanna buy an apartment? I can sell. Well, let me work at my listing.
[00:14:32] Unknown:
Here's a small apartment over a garage. It has a lovely living room, a gorgeous bedroom, and the bathroom is out of this world. Ain't that a Willow in Cleveland? CUSTOMO, how does this sound to you? A Swiss LA, Swiss architecture, Swiss furniture. Sounds pretty cheesy to me. They need to do, CUSTOMO, a new house. Nothing doing. They're making all of them new ones out of tap bricks. What a tap brick? Every time it gets a little dewy, they drop out. My uncle Mike built an apartment next to the dew. He's still nearsighted. He started nailing zebras over the windows. Nailed zebras over the windows? Yes. He thought they were awning. Not telling you. Your uncle Mike knows nothing about building and neither do you. I do so. And what's the first thing you do in building a house? I call up the corset shop. To build a house, you call a closet shop. Oh, where do you think I can get my foundation?
Mister Brokers, don't you have enough apartment houses? That's a real bargain. Oh, I got just the house for you, Gastel. Jane Russell lives on one side of it. Who lives on the other side? Who cares? I'll take it. Oh, come on, Costello. Cut, tell you a dummy. You bought this apartment house to get a place to live, and there isn't a vacancy in the building. You ought to have your brains examined. Get out of it. I had my brains examined at Harvard. What did they say? I don't know. I haven't got the back yet. Hey. Look, Costello. You're the landlord of this billing, and you have a right to an apartment. Now go to that door and tell the tenant
[00:16:31] Unknown:
to move. Act up.
[00:16:35] Unknown:
Real tough? I'll call him out. What do you want? I'm the new landlord, and I'm here to ask you Wait a minute till I finish talking to my wife.
[00:16:47] Unknown:
Emma, I called you a thousand times. I like fuck. You owe my steak. And I get forgotten about it.
[00:16:55] Unknown:
You know what that means. Oh, landlord, what would you gonna ask me? Are you getting enough hot water? I'll tell them to knock on my door.
[00:17:18] Unknown:
I'll talk to that then. Okay. I don't
[00:17:23] Unknown:
Oh, what's your what's that?
[00:17:26] Unknown:
Excuse me. But my partner wants to talk to you. My man,
[00:17:32] Unknown:
you're dealing with blood habits now. I don't wanna ask you to Mom, Mom. Wait a minute. I can't tell I talk tonight. What's the trouble, my dear? You told me I could go out of the house tonight and get some fresh air. Oh, I could. Now, rabbit, what were you gonna ask me? Alright. Are you sure you're getting enough hot water? Do you mind you, rabbit? You're a coward. You're the coward? Stand there and let him talk that way to me. Have it. There's only one reason I didn't let him have it. What's that? I haven't got it. Well, never mind, man. Let's try this next part here. And this time before, make him get out. Please knock on the door.
[00:18:32] Unknown:
Hello?
[00:18:37] Unknown:
Beautiful. Look at the weather. He's wearing. Uh-huh. Godzilla.
[00:18:42] Unknown:
Don't let her pull the wool over your eyes. She's pulling my eyes over the wool.
[00:18:51] Unknown:
Well, well, well, he's too shoo. Now what can I do for you?
[00:18:57] Unknown:
So, what did you have in mind? Pastello. Pastello. Pastello. Remember, you just think of some way to make her move.
[00:19:10] Unknown:
I got it. I'll pickle it.
[00:19:14] Unknown:
From the analyst. Miss, you're, very sweet, but Costello is the landlord, and he needs your apartment, so you'll have to move.
[00:19:23] Unknown:
Beautiful fella. I've been here for five years. Well I decorated this place myself. I'm I'm There's a part of me in every room. There's a part of me in the living room. There's a part of me in the dining room. There's a part of me in the kitchen.
[00:19:38] Unknown:
I hope you didn't misplace anything. Parts like yours are still hard to get. That's how it tell her she's just she's got to abandon the apartment.
[00:19:55] Unknown:
Okay. Gotta have a band in the apartment. What's
[00:20:02] Unknown:
wrong? You've got to abandon
[00:20:05] Unknown:
the apartment. That's
[00:20:07] Unknown:
the lie. You said abandon the apartment. Tell us you gotta get you gotta leave. Well,
[00:20:13] Unknown:
okay. Smith, you'll cut the yard up here in eight hours. Well, alright. Did you say so? And now, think
[00:20:24] Unknown:
right. Now when do I have to
[00:20:29] Unknown:
I'll give you twenty four hours.
[00:20:33] Unknown:
Oh, well then I'll check. Why?
[00:20:43] Unknown:
Remember now. You gotta leave within ten days.
[00:20:53] Unknown:
If you ain't out of here by nineteen sixty three, there's gonna be something. That's still here all week. Be firm. Tell me to get out.
[00:21:04] Unknown:
Okay.
[00:21:06] Unknown:
Yes. There's only one thing I wanna say to you.
[00:21:10] Unknown:
Could you could you wait tonight and goodbye to my brother? Who's your brother? Please stop dining next to partner.
[00:21:19] Unknown:
Are you sure you're getting enough hot water?
Introduction and Lighthearted Banter
National Dog Week and Family Antics
Family Stories and Misunderstandings
Romantic Misadventures and Susan Miller
Boarding House Humor and Roommate Troubles
Real Estate Shenanigans
Landlord Woes and Tenant Encounters
