In this lively episode, we dive into a comedic skit featuring the classic duo Abbott and Costello. The conversation takes us through a series of humorous exchanges, including a mix-up about hunting in Griffith Park, a misunderstanding involving Spanish costumes, and a hilarious attempt to attend a Latin American party. The duo's banter is filled with puns and wordplay, showcasing their signature comedic style.
As the episode unfolds, Costello finds himself in a series of misadventures, from a mistaken engagement with a milkman to a duel challenge with a character named John San Francisco. The chaos continues with a mix of slapstick humor and witty dialogue, culminating in a comedic resolution that leaves listeners laughing. This episode is a delightful throwback to the golden age of radio comedy, filled with timeless jokes and classic humor.
(00:30) A Comedic Encounter with Costello
(01:12) The Hunting Misadventure
(02:35) Spanish Costume Dilemma
(05:00) Invitation Misunderstandings
(08:03) Lena's Ultimatum
(12:08) Arrival at the Latin American Embassy
(14:22) A Romantic Interlude with Rosita
(17:06) The Duel Challenge
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
[00:00:00]
Unknown:
With Lucky Lane slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom?
[00:00:09] Unknown:
Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:14] Unknown:
No. Lucky Lane Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry. In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:21] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for See website for details.
[00:00:31] Unknown:
Hello. It is Ryan, and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on Chumbacasino.com. I looked over the person sitting next to me, and you know what they were doing? They're also playing Chumba casino. Coincidence? I think not. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere, even at 30,000 feet. So sign up now at chumbacasino.com to claim your free welcome bonus at chambacasino.com and live the Chumba life. No purchase necessary. HWT, void, wherever, hit by laws. See terms and conditions, 18 plus.
[00:01:13] Unknown:
Well, Costello, I've been waiting to see you. Where were you this morning? You know, you had a date with me to go duck hunting at daybreak. What did you do? Over, please? Oh, no. I got before daybreak, Abbot, but something terrible happened. Something terrible happened? What was it? At 05:30 this morning, I kept going out to the kitchen to cook my breakfast. I put on the main tapering, and I was sending over the stove when the milkman came in. The milkman grabbed me in his arms and kicked me three times. Abbott, you know what? What? I think we're engaged. I will you please talk then? You start doing this great hunting trip this morning. Well, I was too tired anyway at it. I went hunting last night in Griffith Park.
Why can't you tell me there's no hunting in Griffith Park? How long have you been in Hollywood? That's ridiculous. I don't think you know anything about, honey. Oh, no. What time I sat up there on the foot and knocked all the teeth out? Oh, wait a minute. How could you not go bear the teeth out of the if you shot them on the foot? He was fighting a toenail. Oh, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Not, Stella, you should be ashamed. How could you have the nerve to stand up here in front of us and tell a good audience and tell such a horrible joke? Well, I happen to like that joke, David. In fact, I like it so well. I think I'm gonna tell it again. No. No. Not that. Anything like that don't matter, sir. First, I thought the radio was on the bump.
Now I know the bum is on the radio. Now that's a nice boy. I'd like to buy him a ticket on a second shift. Never mind him, Godzilla. Why aren't you wearing your Spanish costume? Do you realize tonight you and I are invited to the Latin American membership? Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. The ambassador asked us to come over to help him, cement friendly relations. Cement friendly relation. Yeah. Not me, Edith. Jack put up my house for Arty Sevens twenty years in Alcatraz. Your uncle Arty Sevens is in Alcatraz for cementing friendly relations. Yeah. He threw his mother on a concrete mixer. Not, miss Costello. You're going to the party. I've always run into you a costume. You're going dressed as a Spanish grandi. Just as a what? Grandi. Grandi. Not me. I ain't gonna go to no party dressing a diaper. No. Yeah. Tommy. A Brandy doesn't wear a diaper. Oh, no. How about my half a Brandy? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You're thinking of candy. Oh, sure. I like candy. Hershey candy with cinazz. Awesome.
You're going to you're going to be dressed as a Spanish Brandy. You have a mustachio and a terrappy. Although I won't. I had that last night at drugstore, and it made me sad. You had a mustachio and a terrappy and a drugstore? Mhmm. What are you talking about? Mustachio ice cream covered with chocolate terrappy? No. Oh, moustachio, Raffi. Yes. I can. And I look what you're talking about, sir. Look. You're going as a Spanish brandy from the Andy. You've heard of the Andy. Oh, sure. I hear them every Tuesday night. The game is the Sandy Andy. Hey. Come on right ahead of that big Spanish program. What Spanish program? Little Mickey and tamales.
You're silly. I'm talking about Andy. The Andy's are sounding silly. Well, I have a son of Mike's chili with cheese. Sometimes a little thistle. I love it. Stop talking like an imbecile, Go home and get dressed. You're going to that party. And I think I am not going. Not after the waiting and stuff. They didn't tell you. Yes. They did. Now get a load of this invitation. Right in the very first line, they ain't tough me by making fun of my shit. Where does it say anything about your shit? Right there. It says it. See your Luca pillow. Here, Cabello.
Wait a minute. Cabello roll. Very nice. Cabello roll. I'm calling it Cappelliro. Yes. A Tavaliro. What? What's the matter with you, ma'am? Can't you read? Cappelliro is a gentleman who takes the girl out for an expensive dinner, buys her flowers and jewelry, takes her to the finest show in town, and then when he takes her home, he doesn't even ask her for a good night kiss. In South America, they call them Caballeros. South America, they call them Caballeros? Yeah. We got the same things back in Titus, New Jersey. Yeah. But we don't call them Caballeros. What do you call them? For the last time, I'm telling you that I'm not gonna go to that Spanish party. I gotta stay with my girl, Lena Jensen.
And if you don't invite her to go with us, then I ain't going either. Or but wait a minute. Lena Lena would be out of place this party. Table manager is too disgraceful. You ever noticed the way she eats? Yes. I think it's cute the way she tried to lower lip on the plate and thanks to Meatball's office again. Gosh. Don't forget about Leland. Come along with me. It's going to be a wonderful party. I am not going. But you're going to have a a wonderful Spanish news. I am not going. But they're going to have real Spanish wine. I am not going. But they're going to have 50 luscious brown eyed Latin American girls. You fucked me into it. Come on. Let's get out of here quick before we even get there. If she finds out I'm going to any place without her, that's gonna be an awful fight. Tatiana, don't tell me that you fight with Lena. Okay. I do. Last night report, tooth and nail. Tooth and nail? Yeah. She nailed me the pussy. Knocked out my tooth.
Well, you better not let her get you in that Spanish costume. Oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I'm gonna die. Oh. Oh, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Don't get excited. Don't get upset. I and bullet covers over you. Come on. Hurry up. I'll I'll tell you. Go ahead. Okay. Hi, Abbot. Where is that lumpy headed large bucket that I engaged to? Here I am, Willie Willie. I'm a lion tear on my bed of pain. We'll have to break our cake tonight, lady. I'm a sick man. I've got a terrible taste of tickle dibble. Sickle dizzle? I never heard of anyone having that. I'm the only one guy in the world that's got a there's nothing screwy going on here. You don't look sick to me. What are you doing in bed with your hat on? Oh, that's a my my my hat? Oh, my hat.
Oh, my hat. I got big glasses. I got big glasses. I always wear my hat in bed because if I happen to dream, I met you on a street. I wanna sip my hat to you. Are you trying to kid me? Come on. Get them out of out of my little covers. I thought so. What are you doing in dealing with that Mexican suit on? When you've got the pimple pimple, you've gotta wear a Mexican suit. The pain comes from half of the border. Yeah. Lea Lina, please. You you better get out of here before Costello gets another attack. Yes. I see what's going on. Yes. There is. Alright.
Hello? I'm beginning to smell a rat. There's no way to talk about mister rat. Both of you guys are sent to static property. Put the fellow. I don't know what you're up to, but I'm taking your car. Oh, yes. Don't do that because I'm not If you so much as poke your if you so much as poke your nose out of this house tonight, I'm gonna come back here and flip your toenails all the way up to your knee. And then I'm gonna pour your ears around the back of your head and fasten them onto your collar butt. That's gonna hurt. And, finally, I will try a sailor's knock me into your nose and hang you for the chandelier.
And if that doesn't work, I'll torture you. Now how are we going to get to the body cut? Well, Lena is taking your car. Come on, Adam. We'll go let the store see my friend, Johnny Brown. See if he can help us. Scotty's home alright. I see a dim light in there. Yeah. That's his sleeping lamp. He's got a fucking full of fireflies. Ring your bell, Godzilla. Take your take your off the bus, and you're Oh, oh, it's you, Larry. I'd invite you in, but I'm afraid you're frightened. I might have got in the dining room. I hate to lose those mice. They save me a lot of money. Scotty, how can a mite save you money? Well, you see, Lottie, my wife is scared to death of them, and she hasn't been downstairs for her meals in three weeks.
Look, Scotty. We've gotta get, get out to the Latin American Embassy for a big party and Castello's car is gone. Now could you drive us there, please? There is car a lot of it, but I only drive the car on Saturday night. Why only on Saturday night? Oh, there's no sense in heating up the water in the radiator unless I can use it in the bathtub. Well, come on, Cartel. I was we gotta get going or we'll be late. Hey. What time is it by your what, Cartel? I take your pardon. How do you like daddy? So sorry. We didn't give it the time. But never mind him, Cartella.
Hey. Hey. Take him to the car cruising down the street. We'll we'll plumber ride. Come on. Yeah. Hey. It looks like a cute Dave driver. Hey. She's gonna stop, Adam. Just clock to me again. Okay. You ask, Paula. Get me out of here. Confidentially, Connie, you're twelve. Hey. Tell me, who is your singing teacher? Teacher? Oh, I've had a number ten, and one of the best was named Experian. Wise words, fair lady. Old man, Hetep, the fable king, said the same thing in ancient Greece way back some three thousand years ago. Tuning in on each if we hear, Experian is the best.
And how that was proved when camels were hard to get. You know, during the war, it was the service first with cattle. And even though production was breaking all records, the the civilian demand just couldn't be met in full. Well, smokers tried more different brands than had ordinarily experienced in a lifetime. Seems kinda like they found that nothing takes the place of the rich, full flavor, and cool mildness of the costlier tobacco found in that cigarette called Three, a, b, a, b, a, b, a, camels. For today, more people want camels than ever before in the history of this famous brand. Costello has outwitted Lina Gensler again. She dropped him off at the hospital, but he sneaked out of the back way with blood damage. And we find the two of them arriving at the party at the Latin American embassy.
The hostess is greeting the cat at the door. Oh, good evening, gentlemen. Come right here. Thank you, Senora. I am John Pasquale Fernandez. Uh-huh. And I have you know that we, Mosquitos, or a piece family in South America. You're even a bigger family in New Jersey. Oh, gentlemen, we are wasting time here in yours. Oh, you know what? I would like to present my lovely meet. Good evening, my handsome Valerie Turner. I am Senorita Rosita Margarita Mosquito. Now here's a Mosquito I'd like to buzz around with. Thank you, senor. I like you too.
I have seen you many times in the movie picture. Oh, you are next to funny. Can you really know who I am? Who could ever forget little farty thing? Pig? That's awful. Tom, senior. Let us go and dance. The orchestra is about to play a groove. No. Thanks, Rosita. The floor is too crowded. But what does the crowded floor to do with it? There's no fun doing a rumba when you can only take your head. Bless your knees. Take a walk on the veranda, Rosita. Please. That's a good idea, Catello. I'll do it. On your way. Have a squeeze of cloud. I wanna talk to Rosita alone. All right. Talk to her. Have a I mean, all alone. Just the two of us. Get out. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me get this right. You you want me to go?
Oh, this kid is really tough. Damn it. Will you get tomorrow? Not you're looking to come here, mister. Isn't this lovely out here, sir? Come isn't it lovely out here to hear? Come, come sit here with me on the bench and see you in Spanish, sir. You speak Spanish, don't you? Oh, oui oui. But why wait time saying? I just wanna sit here with you. Uh-huh. You like See? Yeah. See. See. See. See. See. Yeah. See. See. Well, it's not just some hazy bananas. I I am beginning to like you too, sir. Maybe we were drawn together by fat. Look at your breath, that face. Look at you, that fat.
Please don't talk, Rosita. It's too wonderful sitting here in silence. You are so lovely, so exciting. You smell of roses and magnolia. Thank you, sir. You smell too. I gotta get you some Spanish lighter. Rosita, I have something I would like to ask you, but I I don't know how to say it. Go ahead, senor. Think what is in your heart. Okay, Rosita. What do you do on Saturday night? Oh, I'm nothing. Then can I borrow your soap? The smelly kind. Oh, senior. You're so you you forgot that I am going to give you a nice big kiss. How come I walk in here and find you beating my girl? Because you wear rubber heels, you think?
You have hit my 312 my good name. This stolen piss. I didn't steal a kiss. What is that red stuff on your lips? That is tomato juice. Tomato juice? Yes. From a little South American tomato. That is enough. I will duel you at five. I I will give you the choice of swords of thistle. You stunk. If I was a stunk, I would need swords of thistle. Well, here's the doing field, gatzelo. You've certainly got yourself into a mess this time. John San Francisco is a great pistol, Catello. I can't go through with this field now. Look at me. I'm all nervous and shaking. I can't help it. I walked the floor all last night. I know. And I said, I don't want to die. The last silly cut down. I don't wanna nobody tell me. You do like I do. When I can get to sleep, I just raise my feet in the air and let that blood rush to my head. I'd like that. It's so good. No sleep. No flub.
There you are, gentlemen. We've been waiting for you. I'm the referee of this dueling match. Let me introduce myself. I am senior melon head. I've seen your melon head around here before. Get over that shiny dog. Melon head. You know, she used sitting in your front window at No. I sweat. It looks like a hollow I resent that remark. Hello? I was upset at any clock last night with my head resting on my pillow. You sleep with that bald head on a pillow? Certainly. I'd like to settle. I came here to give you first choice of the dueling pistol. I don't need any pistols. I put my own gun. See? This is a rifle my great grandfather used in the revolutionary war. It uses flint and powder and shoots iron balls. You dummy. That old blunder bus won't work. Yes. It will. Yes. It will. All I do is just strike the flint on the powder. The powder ignites and the iron bolt rolls out at the end of the barrel. Now watch this.
See? This is Lucas Stellall. Alright, mister Stellall. Let's get right out of his revelation. First, I would like to take your temperance. Your temperance. Your temperance. Temperature? No. Don't hold. And now I'd like to have you open your mouth. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. Mouth? No. Sure. I would have to unplug my big fat lips. Well, you look alright to me, kiddo. Let's get out of the door. I gotta get home. You see, there's a chicken cooking on my stove, and I gotta jump into the pot with a chicken. You're gonna jump you're gonna get in the pot with a chicken? Yeah. Well, it never gets stirred together.
Alright. Alright. So let's take your place. The duel is about to start. Just a moment now. How tall are you, Costello? Life's foot two. Oh, thank you. Now I can go ahead and dig the hole. 11. Did you hear that? Now will you please get me out of this? Too late now, Garcello. Here comes John San Francisco's second. Hold everything, gentlemen. I have bad news. Don't San Francisco is unable to duel this morning. Hello. What's that about? He's unable to duel this morning. Why he's looking for a yellow tower. That's leaking. Anyway, I knew he wouldn't come out here and face me. Why, he's looking for a a fair face, a flur a face.
Phony. That is a lie, Cartelo. Don't San Francisco was taken to the hospital this morning with a severe case of people's dibble. People's dibble. Now I know he's a phony because there's one pony to another. There's no such thing as pissle dibble. Oh. So there's no such thing as pissle dibble. I just made it up to cool my girl. Rita. Rita. We'll be back with several cigarettes in just a moment. And now this week's salute in the new series of salutes to the men who won the victory. Tonight, we salute the gallant crew of the aircraft carrier Enterprise, which has traveled more than 275,004 miles and rates 18 out of 22 possible Pacific Theater Stars.
In your honor, men of the Enterprise, the makers of camels are sending to your fellow servicemen overseas 500,000 camel cigarettes.
With Lucky Lane slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom?
[00:00:09] Unknown:
Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:14] Unknown:
No. Lucky Lane Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry. In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:21] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for See website for details.
[00:00:31] Unknown:
Hello. It is Ryan, and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on Chumbacasino.com. I looked over the person sitting next to me, and you know what they were doing? They're also playing Chumba casino. Coincidence? I think not. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere, even at 30,000 feet. So sign up now at chumbacasino.com to claim your free welcome bonus at chambacasino.com and live the Chumba life. No purchase necessary. HWT, void, wherever, hit by laws. See terms and conditions, 18 plus.
[00:01:13] Unknown:
Well, Costello, I've been waiting to see you. Where were you this morning? You know, you had a date with me to go duck hunting at daybreak. What did you do? Over, please? Oh, no. I got before daybreak, Abbot, but something terrible happened. Something terrible happened? What was it? At 05:30 this morning, I kept going out to the kitchen to cook my breakfast. I put on the main tapering, and I was sending over the stove when the milkman came in. The milkman grabbed me in his arms and kicked me three times. Abbott, you know what? What? I think we're engaged. I will you please talk then? You start doing this great hunting trip this morning. Well, I was too tired anyway at it. I went hunting last night in Griffith Park.
Why can't you tell me there's no hunting in Griffith Park? How long have you been in Hollywood? That's ridiculous. I don't think you know anything about, honey. Oh, no. What time I sat up there on the foot and knocked all the teeth out? Oh, wait a minute. How could you not go bear the teeth out of the if you shot them on the foot? He was fighting a toenail. Oh, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Not, Stella, you should be ashamed. How could you have the nerve to stand up here in front of us and tell a good audience and tell such a horrible joke? Well, I happen to like that joke, David. In fact, I like it so well. I think I'm gonna tell it again. No. No. Not that. Anything like that don't matter, sir. First, I thought the radio was on the bump.
Now I know the bum is on the radio. Now that's a nice boy. I'd like to buy him a ticket on a second shift. Never mind him, Godzilla. Why aren't you wearing your Spanish costume? Do you realize tonight you and I are invited to the Latin American membership? Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. The ambassador asked us to come over to help him, cement friendly relations. Cement friendly relation. Yeah. Not me, Edith. Jack put up my house for Arty Sevens twenty years in Alcatraz. Your uncle Arty Sevens is in Alcatraz for cementing friendly relations. Yeah. He threw his mother on a concrete mixer. Not, miss Costello. You're going to the party. I've always run into you a costume. You're going dressed as a Spanish grandi. Just as a what? Grandi. Grandi. Not me. I ain't gonna go to no party dressing a diaper. No. Yeah. Tommy. A Brandy doesn't wear a diaper. Oh, no. How about my half a Brandy? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You're thinking of candy. Oh, sure. I like candy. Hershey candy with cinazz. Awesome.
You're going to you're going to be dressed as a Spanish Brandy. You have a mustachio and a terrappy. Although I won't. I had that last night at drugstore, and it made me sad. You had a mustachio and a terrappy and a drugstore? Mhmm. What are you talking about? Mustachio ice cream covered with chocolate terrappy? No. Oh, moustachio, Raffi. Yes. I can. And I look what you're talking about, sir. Look. You're going as a Spanish brandy from the Andy. You've heard of the Andy. Oh, sure. I hear them every Tuesday night. The game is the Sandy Andy. Hey. Come on right ahead of that big Spanish program. What Spanish program? Little Mickey and tamales.
You're silly. I'm talking about Andy. The Andy's are sounding silly. Well, I have a son of Mike's chili with cheese. Sometimes a little thistle. I love it. Stop talking like an imbecile, Go home and get dressed. You're going to that party. And I think I am not going. Not after the waiting and stuff. They didn't tell you. Yes. They did. Now get a load of this invitation. Right in the very first line, they ain't tough me by making fun of my shit. Where does it say anything about your shit? Right there. It says it. See your Luca pillow. Here, Cabello.
Wait a minute. Cabello roll. Very nice. Cabello roll. I'm calling it Cappelliro. Yes. A Tavaliro. What? What's the matter with you, ma'am? Can't you read? Cappelliro is a gentleman who takes the girl out for an expensive dinner, buys her flowers and jewelry, takes her to the finest show in town, and then when he takes her home, he doesn't even ask her for a good night kiss. In South America, they call them Caballeros. South America, they call them Caballeros? Yeah. We got the same things back in Titus, New Jersey. Yeah. But we don't call them Caballeros. What do you call them? For the last time, I'm telling you that I'm not gonna go to that Spanish party. I gotta stay with my girl, Lena Jensen.
And if you don't invite her to go with us, then I ain't going either. Or but wait a minute. Lena Lena would be out of place this party. Table manager is too disgraceful. You ever noticed the way she eats? Yes. I think it's cute the way she tried to lower lip on the plate and thanks to Meatball's office again. Gosh. Don't forget about Leland. Come along with me. It's going to be a wonderful party. I am not going. But you're going to have a a wonderful Spanish news. I am not going. But they're going to have real Spanish wine. I am not going. But they're going to have 50 luscious brown eyed Latin American girls. You fucked me into it. Come on. Let's get out of here quick before we even get there. If she finds out I'm going to any place without her, that's gonna be an awful fight. Tatiana, don't tell me that you fight with Lena. Okay. I do. Last night report, tooth and nail. Tooth and nail? Yeah. She nailed me the pussy. Knocked out my tooth.
Well, you better not let her get you in that Spanish costume. Oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I'm gonna die. Oh. Oh, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Don't get excited. Don't get upset. I and bullet covers over you. Come on. Hurry up. I'll I'll tell you. Go ahead. Okay. Hi, Abbot. Where is that lumpy headed large bucket that I engaged to? Here I am, Willie Willie. I'm a lion tear on my bed of pain. We'll have to break our cake tonight, lady. I'm a sick man. I've got a terrible taste of tickle dibble. Sickle dizzle? I never heard of anyone having that. I'm the only one guy in the world that's got a there's nothing screwy going on here. You don't look sick to me. What are you doing in bed with your hat on? Oh, that's a my my my hat? Oh, my hat.
Oh, my hat. I got big glasses. I got big glasses. I always wear my hat in bed because if I happen to dream, I met you on a street. I wanna sip my hat to you. Are you trying to kid me? Come on. Get them out of out of my little covers. I thought so. What are you doing in dealing with that Mexican suit on? When you've got the pimple pimple, you've gotta wear a Mexican suit. The pain comes from half of the border. Yeah. Lea Lina, please. You you better get out of here before Costello gets another attack. Yes. I see what's going on. Yes. There is. Alright.
Hello? I'm beginning to smell a rat. There's no way to talk about mister rat. Both of you guys are sent to static property. Put the fellow. I don't know what you're up to, but I'm taking your car. Oh, yes. Don't do that because I'm not If you so much as poke your if you so much as poke your nose out of this house tonight, I'm gonna come back here and flip your toenails all the way up to your knee. And then I'm gonna pour your ears around the back of your head and fasten them onto your collar butt. That's gonna hurt. And, finally, I will try a sailor's knock me into your nose and hang you for the chandelier.
And if that doesn't work, I'll torture you. Now how are we going to get to the body cut? Well, Lena is taking your car. Come on, Adam. We'll go let the store see my friend, Johnny Brown. See if he can help us. Scotty's home alright. I see a dim light in there. Yeah. That's his sleeping lamp. He's got a fucking full of fireflies. Ring your bell, Godzilla. Take your take your off the bus, and you're Oh, oh, it's you, Larry. I'd invite you in, but I'm afraid you're frightened. I might have got in the dining room. I hate to lose those mice. They save me a lot of money. Scotty, how can a mite save you money? Well, you see, Lottie, my wife is scared to death of them, and she hasn't been downstairs for her meals in three weeks.
Look, Scotty. We've gotta get, get out to the Latin American Embassy for a big party and Castello's car is gone. Now could you drive us there, please? There is car a lot of it, but I only drive the car on Saturday night. Why only on Saturday night? Oh, there's no sense in heating up the water in the radiator unless I can use it in the bathtub. Well, come on, Cartel. I was we gotta get going or we'll be late. Hey. What time is it by your what, Cartel? I take your pardon. How do you like daddy? So sorry. We didn't give it the time. But never mind him, Cartella.
Hey. Hey. Take him to the car cruising down the street. We'll we'll plumber ride. Come on. Yeah. Hey. It looks like a cute Dave driver. Hey. She's gonna stop, Adam. Just clock to me again. Okay. You ask, Paula. Get me out of here. Confidentially, Connie, you're twelve. Hey. Tell me, who is your singing teacher? Teacher? Oh, I've had a number ten, and one of the best was named Experian. Wise words, fair lady. Old man, Hetep, the fable king, said the same thing in ancient Greece way back some three thousand years ago. Tuning in on each if we hear, Experian is the best.
And how that was proved when camels were hard to get. You know, during the war, it was the service first with cattle. And even though production was breaking all records, the the civilian demand just couldn't be met in full. Well, smokers tried more different brands than had ordinarily experienced in a lifetime. Seems kinda like they found that nothing takes the place of the rich, full flavor, and cool mildness of the costlier tobacco found in that cigarette called Three, a, b, a, b, a, b, a, camels. For today, more people want camels than ever before in the history of this famous brand. Costello has outwitted Lina Gensler again. She dropped him off at the hospital, but he sneaked out of the back way with blood damage. And we find the two of them arriving at the party at the Latin American embassy.
The hostess is greeting the cat at the door. Oh, good evening, gentlemen. Come right here. Thank you, Senora. I am John Pasquale Fernandez. Uh-huh. And I have you know that we, Mosquitos, or a piece family in South America. You're even a bigger family in New Jersey. Oh, gentlemen, we are wasting time here in yours. Oh, you know what? I would like to present my lovely meet. Good evening, my handsome Valerie Turner. I am Senorita Rosita Margarita Mosquito. Now here's a Mosquito I'd like to buzz around with. Thank you, senor. I like you too.
I have seen you many times in the movie picture. Oh, you are next to funny. Can you really know who I am? Who could ever forget little farty thing? Pig? That's awful. Tom, senior. Let us go and dance. The orchestra is about to play a groove. No. Thanks, Rosita. The floor is too crowded. But what does the crowded floor to do with it? There's no fun doing a rumba when you can only take your head. Bless your knees. Take a walk on the veranda, Rosita. Please. That's a good idea, Catello. I'll do it. On your way. Have a squeeze of cloud. I wanna talk to Rosita alone. All right. Talk to her. Have a I mean, all alone. Just the two of us. Get out. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me get this right. You you want me to go?
Oh, this kid is really tough. Damn it. Will you get tomorrow? Not you're looking to come here, mister. Isn't this lovely out here, sir? Come isn't it lovely out here to hear? Come, come sit here with me on the bench and see you in Spanish, sir. You speak Spanish, don't you? Oh, oui oui. But why wait time saying? I just wanna sit here with you. Uh-huh. You like See? Yeah. See. See. See. See. See. Yeah. See. See. Well, it's not just some hazy bananas. I I am beginning to like you too, sir. Maybe we were drawn together by fat. Look at your breath, that face. Look at you, that fat.
Please don't talk, Rosita. It's too wonderful sitting here in silence. You are so lovely, so exciting. You smell of roses and magnolia. Thank you, sir. You smell too. I gotta get you some Spanish lighter. Rosita, I have something I would like to ask you, but I I don't know how to say it. Go ahead, senor. Think what is in your heart. Okay, Rosita. What do you do on Saturday night? Oh, I'm nothing. Then can I borrow your soap? The smelly kind. Oh, senior. You're so you you forgot that I am going to give you a nice big kiss. How come I walk in here and find you beating my girl? Because you wear rubber heels, you think?
You have hit my 312 my good name. This stolen piss. I didn't steal a kiss. What is that red stuff on your lips? That is tomato juice. Tomato juice? Yes. From a little South American tomato. That is enough. I will duel you at five. I I will give you the choice of swords of thistle. You stunk. If I was a stunk, I would need swords of thistle. Well, here's the doing field, gatzelo. You've certainly got yourself into a mess this time. John San Francisco is a great pistol, Catello. I can't go through with this field now. Look at me. I'm all nervous and shaking. I can't help it. I walked the floor all last night. I know. And I said, I don't want to die. The last silly cut down. I don't wanna nobody tell me. You do like I do. When I can get to sleep, I just raise my feet in the air and let that blood rush to my head. I'd like that. It's so good. No sleep. No flub.
There you are, gentlemen. We've been waiting for you. I'm the referee of this dueling match. Let me introduce myself. I am senior melon head. I've seen your melon head around here before. Get over that shiny dog. Melon head. You know, she used sitting in your front window at No. I sweat. It looks like a hollow I resent that remark. Hello? I was upset at any clock last night with my head resting on my pillow. You sleep with that bald head on a pillow? Certainly. I'd like to settle. I came here to give you first choice of the dueling pistol. I don't need any pistols. I put my own gun. See? This is a rifle my great grandfather used in the revolutionary war. It uses flint and powder and shoots iron balls. You dummy. That old blunder bus won't work. Yes. It will. Yes. It will. All I do is just strike the flint on the powder. The powder ignites and the iron bolt rolls out at the end of the barrel. Now watch this.
See? This is Lucas Stellall. Alright, mister Stellall. Let's get right out of his revelation. First, I would like to take your temperance. Your temperance. Your temperance. Temperature? No. Don't hold. And now I'd like to have you open your mouth. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. Mouth? No. Sure. I would have to unplug my big fat lips. Well, you look alright to me, kiddo. Let's get out of the door. I gotta get home. You see, there's a chicken cooking on my stove, and I gotta jump into the pot with a chicken. You're gonna jump you're gonna get in the pot with a chicken? Yeah. Well, it never gets stirred together.
Alright. Alright. So let's take your place. The duel is about to start. Just a moment now. How tall are you, Costello? Life's foot two. Oh, thank you. Now I can go ahead and dig the hole. 11. Did you hear that? Now will you please get me out of this? Too late now, Garcello. Here comes John San Francisco's second. Hold everything, gentlemen. I have bad news. Don't San Francisco is unable to duel this morning. Hello. What's that about? He's unable to duel this morning. Why he's looking for a yellow tower. That's leaking. Anyway, I knew he wouldn't come out here and face me. Why, he's looking for a a fair face, a flur a face.
Phony. That is a lie, Cartelo. Don't San Francisco was taken to the hospital this morning with a severe case of people's dibble. People's dibble. Now I know he's a phony because there's one pony to another. There's no such thing as pissle dibble. Oh. So there's no such thing as pissle dibble. I just made it up to cool my girl. Rita. Rita. We'll be back with several cigarettes in just a moment. And now this week's salute in the new series of salutes to the men who won the victory. Tonight, we salute the gallant crew of the aircraft carrier Enterprise, which has traveled more than 275,004 miles and rates 18 out of 22 possible Pacific Theater Stars.
In your honor, men of the Enterprise, the makers of camels are sending to your fellow servicemen overseas 500,000 camel cigarettes.
