In this lively episode, Ryan brings a touch of humor and entertainment as he discusses the mundane aspects of daily life and how to brighten them up with a bit of fun. He shares his enthusiasm for Chumba Casino, a platform offering a variety of social casino-style games that can be played for free, providing a delightful escape from routine tasks like sitting in traffic or doing the dishes. Ryan's lighthearted approach sets the tone for a fun-filled episode designed to lift spirits and add a little joy to the day.
The episode takes a comedic turn as it features a classic skit with Abbott and Costello, filled with witty banter and humorous exchanges about hunting, meat shortages, and the quirks of daily life. The skit is a delightful throwback to old-time radio comedy, complete with clever wordplay and slapstick humor. Listeners are treated to a series of amusing scenarios, including a mock wedding ceremony, a hunting expedition gone awry, and a series of playful jabs between characters. This episode is sure to entertain and bring a smile to your face.
(00:00) Introduction and Brightening Your Day
(01:15) Abbott and Costello Comedy Skit
(08:49) Camel Cigarettes Advertisement
(11:03) Hunting Adventure Begins
(18:12) Musical Interlude
(20:35) Hunting Mishaps and Comedy
(26:28) Camel Cigarettes and Military Support
(28:01) Nursing Shortage Announcement and Closing Remarks
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
Hello. It is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps, you know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses. That should brighten your day low. Actually, a lot. So sign up now at chumbacasino.com. That's chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary. DTEW, avoid prohibited by law. See terms and conditions, 18 plus. Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun. Chamba Casino. They have hundreds No
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purchase necessary. DGW. C
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a m p l
[00:01:15] Unknown:
Camel, the cigarette that's first in the service presents the Abbott and Costello program. With the music of Freddie Rich in his orchestra, the songs of Connie Haines and the Campbell five. Tonight's guest, miss Claire Trevor, and starring Budd Abbott and Lou Costello.
[00:01:43] Unknown:
Oh, Costello. You're late again as usual. What kept you this time? Well, I got a phone call from my bank and I had it run down there right away. What was the matter? The butter in my vault was melting. Oh, that's terrible. What do you want the bowl for? Oh, in case I get some meat. Haven't you had any? Haven't you had any meat? No. The only way I can get meat is to stand over a gopher hole with a baseball bat. Oh, stop complaining. Things could be a lot worse. Nobody's worrying about getting meat. Oh, no? Yesterday, I went to the market. The butcher put his arm on the counter and before he knew it, three women bought it. Well, if you're so worried about nourishment, why not take vitamins like I do? Now vitamin a gives me sunshine. Vitamin b gives me energy. Vitamin c gives me calcium. I take vitamin w. What does that give you? Wow.
[00:02:37] Unknown:
Good evening, fellas. What's the discussion all about here, bud? Oh, hello, Ken. Hello, Kenneth.
[00:02:42] Unknown:
Kevin. Is worrying about the meat, Sean. Yeah. You know how he is. His eyes are bigger than his stomach. They are? Hello, fat eyes.
[00:02:54] Unknown:
Of course, I'm not worried about the meat shortage. Why should you? With that mutton head. You should talk, fat boy. Who's that? I got a military figure. That's right. When you wear a belt, your stomach goes over the top.
[00:03:09] Unknown:
I'm quiet, skinny. Why don't you get a pair of snow shoes? What does he need snow shoes for? When he takes a bath, he won't slide down the green. No. That's no way to talk. Oh, no. When he gets undressed, it's like unveiling a golf stick. No. No. No. No. No. No. He's so skinny he has to put a bell on his tonsils to prove he's breathing.
[00:03:26] Unknown:
Just a minute, Costello. You're always making fun of my physique.
[00:03:30] Unknown:
You should see my chest expand. Yeah. Go on, Ken. Sure. Take a deep breath. All right. Attaboy. No more, Ken. Deeper. That's it. Deeper. More air.
[00:03:46] Unknown:
See it? Guess I breathe too deep.
[00:03:49] Unknown:
Look, Niles. If that wife of yours only fetches for meat, you wouldn't wanna talk about that.
[00:03:55] Unknown:
Oh, yeah. Well, look. My wife doesn't have to. I'm a vegetarian. I'm crazy about vegetables. You must be to be married to that old tomato.
[00:04:03] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Costello.
[00:04:05] Unknown:
Now don't fret, darling. I'll tell him. Costello, I'll have you know my wife is a striking woman, and you've got the black and blue marks to prove it.
[00:04:13] Unknown:
Now, Costello, you'll have to admit that Mrs. Niles has a winning smile. Yeah. And a losing face.
[00:04:19] Unknown:
Oh, is that so? I'll have you know my picture has been on many a cover. Magazine or mail hole? How old will you behave yourself? I ain't doing nothing. I'll be nice. How dare you talk that way? Why men throw their hearts at my feet, floors at my feet, gifts at my feet. What have your feet got that you haven't got?
[00:04:43] Unknown:
Now wait a minute. This isn't getting the meat problem solved. You see, missus Niles, before you came in, we were discussing the meat shortage. Oh, that doesn't affect me. I get my meat for the pound. Next time you pass the pound, get me some.
[00:04:58] Unknown:
If so, I do not eat dog meat.
[00:05:02] Unknown:
You don't, Here, Queenie. Come on, Queenie. Please. Please. Now stop that. Here, Queenie. Come here. Did you stop that right away, Roy? Oh, Gusto, please. Will you behave yourself? Leave missus Niles alone. Now don't tell me what to do, Abbot. I'm gonna get some meat if I have to go out and hunt it myself. Come in. Hello, Costello. I just overheard that you were going hunting, and I thought I'd drop in and say hello. I'm Jane Wharton up in the woods. My name's Boone, mister Boone. That's it. Boone. Boom. Bye, Boone. I know your sister. Beth.
It's a very good idea because honey, believe everybody dared to meet even all mother others. All mother till she ate it. My name's Bone Bone. Bone. Was your mother ever fighting by a broken record? I know a poem too, Bone. This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy got low speed. She know the bush. Tell us, mister Boone, are there any restrictions on hunting up in your woods? Well, you can't go shooting all the animals. You see, they have just as much light to live as I. Even more. And now to the rules. Are you, Luca Stello, going hunting with Bert Abbot? Yes. Then kindly step forward. Do you both promise to honor and obey the hunting laws of the state? I do. I do. And do you both further promise to love and cherish the grandeur of nature? I do. I do. And in the event of danger, do you solemnly promise to protect each other until death do you part? I do. I do. Very well then. I now pronounce you man and wife.
The name is Boom. Boom. Boom. Man and wife? Well, Abbot, ain't you gonna kiss me? Get out of here.
[00:07:00] Unknown:
Hey, bud. Hey. But have it. Boom. Don't go away. Yes, then. But, look, do you know anything about flying?
[00:07:07] Unknown:
Sure. I do. I was flying even when I was a little kid. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I jumped off the roof with an umbrella and I stayed in the air for three hours. Oh, wait a minute. How could you stay in the air for three hours? My pants got caught on the drain pipe.
[00:07:21] Unknown:
A ripping joke. But no. But look. I'm talking about real fly. Like trying to tear the wings off an experimental ship in a power dive. Stuff like that is just meat and potatoes for Red Hults, the Curtiss test pilot who tried out the Navy's amazing new dive bomber. And whether it's planes or cigarettes, Red Hults likes to test things out for himself. He said quote, I picked Camels after I smoked them long enough to know that they were the only brand that suited me best on all accounts. They're really easy on my throat, and they give me that full rich taste I like. Unquote. Yes. With men in all the services, Camel is the favorite according to actual sales records in post exchanges and canteens. You're in good company when you smoke Camel. You're joining thousands of men and women who have been smoking them for more than twenty five years. Smoking Camel, the cigarette we believe more people have been smoking longer than any other. Loyalty like that proves Camel's character. The thing that makes you like Camel's more with every pack you smoke. You can find out about character for yourself in your t zone. T for taste and t for throat. Your own proving ground for flavor and mildness. You'll find that camels have more flavor and it's extra flavor that helps them to wear well, pack after pack. Camels are extra mild too because they're slow burning and cool smoking.
For steady smoking, stick to Camel, the cigarette that's expertly blended of costlier tobaccos.
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C a m e l
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s. Campbell, get a pack tonight. You'll wanna buy a carton tomorrow. Randy Ricks's orchestra, the Camel five, introduced the title song from Dick Powell's new picture, Happy No
[00:11:04] Unknown:
Well, here we are, Crastello, the fine tree hunting lodge in the heart of the Northwoods. Now you wanna be able to shoot plenty of meat up here. I don't know, Abbot. It's too cold up here. Let's go back to town. I wanna get my spine to frost it. Don't be silly. This is invigorating. It isn't cold. It isn't cold. Certainly not. I just saw a squirrel going down the road wearing a silver fox.
[00:11:24] Unknown:
Oh, come on.
[00:11:26] Unknown:
The matter with your eyesight. That's nonsense. Right behind him was a rabbit wearing earmuffs. Oh, now, Lou Lou. That was an oven. Come on. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Somebody. Never mind, Diane.
[00:11:37] Unknown:
Oh, next page.
[00:11:41] Unknown:
Now, come on. Let's get our things unpacked. Did you bring my red hunting jacket? I hope no. You tell me I can't go hunting without a red jacket. Now you know that. Don't worry. Don't worry. You'll have a red jacket. I will. Yeah. I brought you a pound piece suit and four bottles of ketchup. Well, anyhow, I sent it for a guy to take a plumbing. I wish he'd get here. I'm dying for a piece of venison. Venison? Sure. That's dear me. Wouldn't you like to shoot a buck, dear? I haven't got a buck, honey. Look, I'm talking about honey. Haven't you ever hunted before? Oh, sure. I caught a mink and shot $9 in fifteen minutes. Now that's ridiculous. How could you shoot nine bucks in fifteen minutes? Did you ever go out with a hungry blonde? Sure. I I should say 9.
Oh, skip it. And get that suitcase untied. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Sounds like a mouse in that suitcase. Open it up.
[00:12:36] Unknown:
It's a mouse, all right? And I'm a retriever here after you've lost.
[00:12:45] Unknown:
Hey. It's that kid again, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hey, Matilda. Now, look, there's no place for a little bur girl. A girl. A burrow. Whatever it is. There's why don't we make bigger tykes? Alright. Never mind that. That'd be nice. There's a lot of wild animals up here. I'm not afraid of animals. My daddy's an elk.
[00:13:03] Unknown:
Elk?
[00:13:04] Unknown:
Matilda. That kind of an elk isn't an animal. You never saw my daddy. Why don't you stick your head in a bear trap and don't let go? Costello, how can you be so unkind to that child? She has a good head on her. Her head in the back would start a softball game.
[00:13:22] Unknown:
Uncle Louie, can I go hunting with you? I know how to handle animals once I grab the cow by the horn. Now, Matilda,
[00:13:29] Unknown:
behave. A cow hasn't any horns.
[00:13:32] Unknown:
No wonder I got now.
[00:13:38] Unknown:
Matilda, how can you be so stupid? Oh, Costello. Matilda is just a child. Her brain is developing.
[00:13:43] Unknown:
Yeah. Too little. Too late. Uncle Louie. Uncle Louie, I wanna go hunting with you. I wanna pull a bear's tail. No. You don't. You pull a bear's tail, it will bite you. No. It won't. Then why not? Bears don't bite when that ends.
[00:13:59] Unknown:
Yes. And look, Matilda, will you do us a favor, please? Just run along and don't bother us now. The guy that's going to be here is gonna take us home. And uncle Louie and I have to unpack. Well, before I go, uncle Louie, can I do my animal impersonation? Okay. Anything at all? What's it? It goes like this. Kid. Ouch. Kid. Ouch. Kid. Ouch. Wait a minute. What's that kiss? Ouch. That's two porcupines making.
[00:14:27] Unknown:
Will you get
[00:14:29] Unknown:
out of here? Hey. I'd like to find out who Matilda's rider is. Not a Hey. What's the matter now? For a minute, that kid I thought I was a hundred and three and a half years old. A hundred and three and a half. So wait a minute. That must be the guide now. Come in.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
Howdy, fellows. I'm your hunting guide. Hey, Abbott. It's a name. Quiet. Certainly.
[00:14:52] Unknown:
Don't you recognize her? It's Claire Trevor. How landed, miss Trevor? We weren't a expecting girl. We thought a man was gonna lead us. Well, didn't you ever follow a woman before? Well, once I followed a woman who used to catch me. Papa? No. Another guy beat you to her.
[00:15:16] Unknown:
Now don't talk like that, love. Oh, that's alright, mister Abbott. You know, my sister thinks Costello is the best comedian on the air. Oh, gee. Thanks. I'd like to meet her. Well, you can. We never let her out of the attic.
[00:15:33] Unknown:
What a clever Trevor. Now, miss Trevor Oh,
[00:15:39] Unknown:
won't you call me Claire?
[00:15:42] Unknown:
Well, will you call me, bud? Will you call me when this is all over? By the way, Claire, how did you happen to become a guy handling guns and rifles? Well, you see, in pictures, I used to be a gangster mole. Mole? The word is mouth. I know, but I can't get a laugh with mop. Mhmm. That takes service. Seriously. Alright. Alright. Now just take it easy. No remarks, Costello. You see, Claire, the reason we came up here in the woods is because of the meat shortage. Costello wants to do a little honey. Oh, really? What's your favorite animal? Rose meat. There, Costello.
[00:16:18] Unknown:
People don't hunt roast speed. What was that line in front of the butchers this morning? Termites? Alright. I'll just let it go with that. Take it easy. Alright, boys. Let's get to the hunting trip. Now you start out at 05:00 in the morning. You're trapped for 15 miles with a pack on your back, a lilt in your voice, a song in your soul. And a blister on my heels.
[00:16:37] Unknown:
We should reach the mountain by noon, don't you think, Clare? Yes. That's about right. And twelve to one, we climb the mountain. Twelve to one, I don't make it.
[00:16:45] Unknown:
It must be beautiful on top of a mountain player. Oh, it is. And you can listen to your echo. You simply say hello, and then the echo says hello. Sociable, ain't it? And then I yell again, how are you? And the echo comes back, how are you? And
[00:17:03] Unknown:
Say Claire. Yes, sir. Do you you enjoy that sort of thing? Quiet, Cutter. Go ahead, sir. Never mind. Happy Christmas. No. No. No. No. Nothing with the kind. No echoes. Echoes. Echoes. Maybe Claire enjoys them. Maybe you don't. So just keep quiet. Go ahead. I like it, Claire. It's not Claire. It's not those things. This is entirely different. I'll behave. Oh, great. Excited. Yes. And as you're standing there, suddenly you hear a loud roar and through the brush comes the most ferocious air in the world. Oh, grizzly.
[00:17:34] Unknown:
Good fellow. You rush up and grab them with your bare hands. What kind of a fool do you think I am? Why? Are there a different kind?
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Costello, what would you do in the face of such danger? Why, I'll do what I did once before. What do you mean? A bear was coming at me. No. I picked up my gun. He did. And with one bullet, l shot him in the foot and knocked all his teeth out. Now, wait a minute. How could you knock all his teeth out if you shot him in the foot? He was biting his nails.
[00:18:13] Unknown:
Here's Connie Haynes of the Campbell five with a sparkling tune from parallel star spangled rhythm doing it for defense.
[00:18:26] Unknown:
Mister phone gets it right. I'm your date for tonight. But when I hold you tight, I'm doing it for this damn month and month. You've been through. Now it's time you work through. Start from here, then we build. I'm doing it for a defense. If you kiss my lips and you feel me respond, it's because I just can't afford a farm. If you sing to Carrie Grant, brother relax. You're still sleeping on my income tax. Don't be hurt. Don't get so. I'm a pal. I'm loving more. This ain't love. This is war. I'm doing it for this band. Don't be heard.
Don't guess
[00:20:36] Unknown:
Costello, what are you shooting at? We haven't sighted any game yet. It says in my hunting book, if you get cold, take a couple of shots. Alright.
[00:20:45] Unknown:
Yeah. But you almost hit me. What's the matter? A iPad? What, Claire? IPad.
[00:20:51] Unknown:
Is who? Oh.
[00:20:53] Unknown:
Is who a pet, girl? No. Is who? No.
[00:20:56] Unknown:
Miss Trevor's trying to pick up some animal tracks. Follow her. Okay. Hey, Claire. That's a nice bustle you're wearing. That's no bustle. A knapsack slip.
[00:21:07] Unknown:
Oh, it's a
[00:21:09] Unknown:
my dog must be on the trail or something.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. Howard. Go ahead. Get away for a minute.
[00:21:15] Unknown:
Be careful of that dog, Costello. It's an Airedale. I know. I can feel the air.
[00:21:21] Unknown:
Oh, dear. I suppose I should have bought a mussel. A mussel? Mhmm. Muzzle.
[00:21:31] Unknown:
So you should have brought a muzzle. Why? Do you bite two? Oh, yeah. Oh, stop these remarks, Cartel.
[00:21:37] Unknown:
Claire's dog is very intelligent. He certainly is, and I'll prove it to you. Roger? Roger, how much is one and one? Good. How much is two and two? Hey. What a smart dog. Hey, Roger. What time is it?
[00:21:52] Unknown:
Half half five.
[00:21:59] Unknown:
That ain't a hot dog. That's a watch dog. No. Thank you. You're welcome. What am I talking about? Well, boys, you better get your guns loaded. We may come across some game any minute. Gun loaded, Castello? Yes. Wait a minute. Look. There's a wild turkey over there. The other, a turkey. A real turkey. Whoo.
[00:22:17] Unknown:
Alright. Finally, I'm gonna get something. Alright. Take it easy now. Site your gun. Now ready? Aim. Not miss Duke the third when it's not your turn. I'm the warden named Boom Boom. Boom Boom.
[00:22:30] Unknown:
That's the second warden. I'm the guide. And mister Costello isn't doing anything wrong. Yes, he is. That's too large a gun for such a small bird.
[00:22:38] Unknown:
Naughty, naughty thing. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Wait a minute. Can I use a four now? Oh, no. That's much too sharp too sharp. Then can I use a swing shot? No. That would bruise the bird. Do you mind if I just give him a dirty look? Hey. Wait a minute. There's a whole flock of ducks getting up out of the morning. Oh, yes. You stand in the middle, tuck fellow. In the middle? And let you two shoot over me? Yes. And I'll take the high bird. And I'll take the low bird. And I'll be in the hospital before you, daddy.
[00:23:08] Unknown:
Saint Claire. You seen that bird tracks over the air across the stream? Yes. I think so. Go ahead, cuss. They'll jump across the stream. Okay.
[00:23:18] Unknown:
Hey. Help. Help. The lion's followed. It's my fault. My hands are freezing. Put them in your pocket. Okay. That's no good. I think so. And now
[00:23:28] Unknown:
will you help me out balance? I've gone down for a fifth time. Three times is the limit. Then I just set a new record a hand. Give me your hand. I better carry you across. Alright, dear. But if you try to kiss me, I'll call for mother. Oh, goody. She's getting a girl for me. Quiet, boys. Look. See how these bears tracks go right into that cave? I think we'll find our grizzly inside. Yes. I see two eyes shining in the dark. Step aside, Abbot. I'll get him. Come on in there, you old grizzly. I'm gonna shoot. Come on out. Don't shoot. I'm on a three and a half here at Val. Please get get in my hair more time. Matilda, what are you doing in this cave? I went in there to catch this little pussycat.
[00:24:13] Unknown:
It's a whip whips the map. Oh, no. Little girl. That's a skunk. That's what I said. It whips the map.
[00:24:21] Unknown:
Listen, Matilda. You better get out of here. Go on back to the cabin. But what if I meet a very ferocious animal? He'll have to take care of himself. Go on, beat it.
[00:24:29] Unknown:
Hey, boys. Come here. You know, I think the bear has already been in this cave. Here's a piece of fur off his coat. Coat? You mean a bear wears a coat? Now you dummy pelt. Hide. Hide. What should I hide? He means hide. Hide. The bear's outside. Well, ma'am, stay outside. We don't want him in here. Well, come on. Let's get moving. We've got to find our grizzly before it gets dark. You know, there's another cave about 10 miles from here. 10 miles? Yeah. Let's walk fast. Well, here we are. We surely got here fast, didn't we? Yeah. Well, we had to. This is only a five minute sketch.
[00:25:03] Unknown:
Oh, see. Listen. There's something over there. Look. It's a rope.
[00:25:15] Unknown:
Now wait a minute. That's Ken Niles. What's the idea, Niles? You can't be a wolf. Why not? He's from Hollywood.
[00:25:27] Unknown:
Hey. What's going on here? I thought I was gonna do something.
[00:25:30] Unknown:
Oh, Costello.
[00:25:31] Unknown:
Look. There's a little beaver down in the street. Isn't he cute? I wonder what the little beaver's doing. Probably waiting for Red Ryder. Red Ryder. Why don't you try some beaver meat, Costello? Okay. Hand me my turn. I'm broom, broom, broom. Mushin' shoot the little beaver. Vertex, fifty dollars. After all, beavers dooms dance. You mean dance. Swearing tax, $40. You better pay, Costello. Forty bucks. Don't make me laugh. Laugh? Amusement tax, $20. Hey, Abbott. Hand me my gun. Oh, don't you remember I'm the game warden. Boom, boom, boom. Woah. You were the game warden.
Costello. That was a terrible thing you did. Yes, Costello. Now you're in real trouble. You said it. I don't know how to cook a game warden. Land and
[00:26:29] Unknown:
sea and in the air, it's camels. Camels, first for the men in the army. Camels, first for the men in the navy. Camels, first for the men in the marine corps. Camels, first for the men in the coast guard. Yes, with men in all the services, Camel is the favorite according to actual male records in post exchanges and campaigns. Remember that whether you're buying cigarettes to send to men in the service or to smoke yourself, Camels have the flavor, extra flavor that helps them to hold up pack after pack no matter how many you smoke. And camels have the extra mildness, slow burning and cruel smoking that go with costlier tobaccos expertly blended.
For steady smoking, stick to camel. Your throat and your taste will tell you. C a m t l s. Camel, get a pack tonight. Send the carton to that fellow in the service. And remember, you can still send camels to army personnel in The United States and to men in the navy, marines, or coast guard wherever they are. The post office rule against mailing packages applies only to those sent to the overseas army. Before we hear from Abbott and Costello again, here is an important announcement from our government for every young woman between the ages of 18 and 35. Your country is facing a shortage of nurses.
A shortage so serious that the safety of our war wounded and the health of our civilians are in great danger. Mid year classes for student nurses are being formed now. Every student nurse will immediately help to free train nurses for overseas duty because students start hospital work right away. Women who are unable to afford tuition may apply for scholarships. Here's what you do. If you are a citizen between 18 and 35, graduated from high school and in good health, right today through student nurses, box eighty eight, New York City. And now here's Bud Abbott and Lou Costello again.
[00:28:46] Unknown:
Thanks, Ken. Ladies and gentlemen, next Thursday night, our program will be broadcast from the Navy Receiving Station at San Pedro, California. So to captain Feynman and his staff and to my fine friends, chaplain Bennett and lieutenant commander Myers, thanks for the invitation, and we'll all be seeing you next week. And our guest will be Betty Hutton. So good night, everybody.
[00:29:09] Unknown:
Good night.
[00:29:20] Unknown:
Blair Trampleau appeared with us this evening. The Susie scene in Columbia Pictures forthcoming Technicolor film, The Desperado. And now this is Ken Niles, reminding you to hear the Campbell caravan tomorrow night and wishing you all a pleasant good night from Hollywood. Say, mister pipe smoker. How does your tongue feel after smoking a couple of good long pipe pulls? If it feels uncomfortable, why not switch to Prince Albert, the pipe tobacco that's no bite treated for cool tongue happy smoking comfort. PA is crimp cut too, and that means it's easy to pack, easy to keep lit, and easy to draw.
And remember, there are around 50 mild, rich tasting pipe folds to every handy pocket package of Prince Albert. Try PA or pipe appeal. It's the National Joy Smoke. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
Hello. It is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps, you know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses. That should brighten your day low. Actually, a lot. So sign up now at chumbacasino.com. That's chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary. DTEW, avoid prohibited by law. See terms and conditions, 18 plus. Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun. Chamba Casino. They have hundreds No
[00:01:04] Unknown:
purchase necessary. DGW. C
[00:01:13] Unknown:
a m p l
[00:01:15] Unknown:
Camel, the cigarette that's first in the service presents the Abbott and Costello program. With the music of Freddie Rich in his orchestra, the songs of Connie Haines and the Campbell five. Tonight's guest, miss Claire Trevor, and starring Budd Abbott and Lou Costello.
[00:01:43] Unknown:
Oh, Costello. You're late again as usual. What kept you this time? Well, I got a phone call from my bank and I had it run down there right away. What was the matter? The butter in my vault was melting. Oh, that's terrible. What do you want the bowl for? Oh, in case I get some meat. Haven't you had any? Haven't you had any meat? No. The only way I can get meat is to stand over a gopher hole with a baseball bat. Oh, stop complaining. Things could be a lot worse. Nobody's worrying about getting meat. Oh, no? Yesterday, I went to the market. The butcher put his arm on the counter and before he knew it, three women bought it. Well, if you're so worried about nourishment, why not take vitamins like I do? Now vitamin a gives me sunshine. Vitamin b gives me energy. Vitamin c gives me calcium. I take vitamin w. What does that give you? Wow.
[00:02:37] Unknown:
Good evening, fellas. What's the discussion all about here, bud? Oh, hello, Ken. Hello, Kenneth.
[00:02:42] Unknown:
Kevin. Is worrying about the meat, Sean. Yeah. You know how he is. His eyes are bigger than his stomach. They are? Hello, fat eyes.
[00:02:54] Unknown:
Of course, I'm not worried about the meat shortage. Why should you? With that mutton head. You should talk, fat boy. Who's that? I got a military figure. That's right. When you wear a belt, your stomach goes over the top.
[00:03:09] Unknown:
I'm quiet, skinny. Why don't you get a pair of snow shoes? What does he need snow shoes for? When he takes a bath, he won't slide down the green. No. That's no way to talk. Oh, no. When he gets undressed, it's like unveiling a golf stick. No. No. No. No. No. No. He's so skinny he has to put a bell on his tonsils to prove he's breathing.
[00:03:26] Unknown:
Just a minute, Costello. You're always making fun of my physique.
[00:03:30] Unknown:
You should see my chest expand. Yeah. Go on, Ken. Sure. Take a deep breath. All right. Attaboy. No more, Ken. Deeper. That's it. Deeper. More air.
[00:03:46] Unknown:
See it? Guess I breathe too deep.
[00:03:49] Unknown:
Look, Niles. If that wife of yours only fetches for meat, you wouldn't wanna talk about that.
[00:03:55] Unknown:
Oh, yeah. Well, look. My wife doesn't have to. I'm a vegetarian. I'm crazy about vegetables. You must be to be married to that old tomato.
[00:04:03] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Costello.
[00:04:05] Unknown:
Now don't fret, darling. I'll tell him. Costello, I'll have you know my wife is a striking woman, and you've got the black and blue marks to prove it.
[00:04:13] Unknown:
Now, Costello, you'll have to admit that Mrs. Niles has a winning smile. Yeah. And a losing face.
[00:04:19] Unknown:
Oh, is that so? I'll have you know my picture has been on many a cover. Magazine or mail hole? How old will you behave yourself? I ain't doing nothing. I'll be nice. How dare you talk that way? Why men throw their hearts at my feet, floors at my feet, gifts at my feet. What have your feet got that you haven't got?
[00:04:43] Unknown:
Now wait a minute. This isn't getting the meat problem solved. You see, missus Niles, before you came in, we were discussing the meat shortage. Oh, that doesn't affect me. I get my meat for the pound. Next time you pass the pound, get me some.
[00:04:58] Unknown:
If so, I do not eat dog meat.
[00:05:02] Unknown:
You don't, Here, Queenie. Come on, Queenie. Please. Please. Now stop that. Here, Queenie. Come here. Did you stop that right away, Roy? Oh, Gusto, please. Will you behave yourself? Leave missus Niles alone. Now don't tell me what to do, Abbot. I'm gonna get some meat if I have to go out and hunt it myself. Come in. Hello, Costello. I just overheard that you were going hunting, and I thought I'd drop in and say hello. I'm Jane Wharton up in the woods. My name's Boone, mister Boone. That's it. Boone. Boom. Bye, Boone. I know your sister. Beth.
It's a very good idea because honey, believe everybody dared to meet even all mother others. All mother till she ate it. My name's Bone Bone. Bone. Was your mother ever fighting by a broken record? I know a poem too, Bone. This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy got low speed. She know the bush. Tell us, mister Boone, are there any restrictions on hunting up in your woods? Well, you can't go shooting all the animals. You see, they have just as much light to live as I. Even more. And now to the rules. Are you, Luca Stello, going hunting with Bert Abbot? Yes. Then kindly step forward. Do you both promise to honor and obey the hunting laws of the state? I do. I do. And do you both further promise to love and cherish the grandeur of nature? I do. I do. And in the event of danger, do you solemnly promise to protect each other until death do you part? I do. I do. Very well then. I now pronounce you man and wife.
The name is Boom. Boom. Boom. Man and wife? Well, Abbot, ain't you gonna kiss me? Get out of here.
[00:07:00] Unknown:
Hey, bud. Hey. But have it. Boom. Don't go away. Yes, then. But, look, do you know anything about flying?
[00:07:07] Unknown:
Sure. I do. I was flying even when I was a little kid. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I jumped off the roof with an umbrella and I stayed in the air for three hours. Oh, wait a minute. How could you stay in the air for three hours? My pants got caught on the drain pipe.
[00:07:21] Unknown:
A ripping joke. But no. But look. I'm talking about real fly. Like trying to tear the wings off an experimental ship in a power dive. Stuff like that is just meat and potatoes for Red Hults, the Curtiss test pilot who tried out the Navy's amazing new dive bomber. And whether it's planes or cigarettes, Red Hults likes to test things out for himself. He said quote, I picked Camels after I smoked them long enough to know that they were the only brand that suited me best on all accounts. They're really easy on my throat, and they give me that full rich taste I like. Unquote. Yes. With men in all the services, Camel is the favorite according to actual sales records in post exchanges and canteens. You're in good company when you smoke Camel. You're joining thousands of men and women who have been smoking them for more than twenty five years. Smoking Camel, the cigarette we believe more people have been smoking longer than any other. Loyalty like that proves Camel's character. The thing that makes you like Camel's more with every pack you smoke. You can find out about character for yourself in your t zone. T for taste and t for throat. Your own proving ground for flavor and mildness. You'll find that camels have more flavor and it's extra flavor that helps them to wear well, pack after pack. Camels are extra mild too because they're slow burning and cool smoking.
For steady smoking, stick to Camel, the cigarette that's expertly blended of costlier tobaccos.
[00:08:49] Unknown:
C a m e l
[00:08:52] Unknown:
s. Campbell, get a pack tonight. You'll wanna buy a carton tomorrow. Randy Ricks's orchestra, the Camel five, introduced the title song from Dick Powell's new picture, Happy No
[00:11:04] Unknown:
Well, here we are, Crastello, the fine tree hunting lodge in the heart of the Northwoods. Now you wanna be able to shoot plenty of meat up here. I don't know, Abbot. It's too cold up here. Let's go back to town. I wanna get my spine to frost it. Don't be silly. This is invigorating. It isn't cold. It isn't cold. Certainly not. I just saw a squirrel going down the road wearing a silver fox.
[00:11:24] Unknown:
Oh, come on.
[00:11:26] Unknown:
The matter with your eyesight. That's nonsense. Right behind him was a rabbit wearing earmuffs. Oh, now, Lou Lou. That was an oven. Come on. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Somebody. Never mind, Diane.
[00:11:37] Unknown:
Oh, next page.
[00:11:41] Unknown:
Now, come on. Let's get our things unpacked. Did you bring my red hunting jacket? I hope no. You tell me I can't go hunting without a red jacket. Now you know that. Don't worry. Don't worry. You'll have a red jacket. I will. Yeah. I brought you a pound piece suit and four bottles of ketchup. Well, anyhow, I sent it for a guy to take a plumbing. I wish he'd get here. I'm dying for a piece of venison. Venison? Sure. That's dear me. Wouldn't you like to shoot a buck, dear? I haven't got a buck, honey. Look, I'm talking about honey. Haven't you ever hunted before? Oh, sure. I caught a mink and shot $9 in fifteen minutes. Now that's ridiculous. How could you shoot nine bucks in fifteen minutes? Did you ever go out with a hungry blonde? Sure. I I should say 9.
Oh, skip it. And get that suitcase untied. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Sounds like a mouse in that suitcase. Open it up.
[00:12:36] Unknown:
It's a mouse, all right? And I'm a retriever here after you've lost.
[00:12:45] Unknown:
Hey. It's that kid again, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hey, Matilda. Now, look, there's no place for a little bur girl. A girl. A burrow. Whatever it is. There's why don't we make bigger tykes? Alright. Never mind that. That'd be nice. There's a lot of wild animals up here. I'm not afraid of animals. My daddy's an elk.
[00:13:03] Unknown:
Elk?
[00:13:04] Unknown:
Matilda. That kind of an elk isn't an animal. You never saw my daddy. Why don't you stick your head in a bear trap and don't let go? Costello, how can you be so unkind to that child? She has a good head on her. Her head in the back would start a softball game.
[00:13:22] Unknown:
Uncle Louie, can I go hunting with you? I know how to handle animals once I grab the cow by the horn. Now, Matilda,
[00:13:29] Unknown:
behave. A cow hasn't any horns.
[00:13:32] Unknown:
No wonder I got now.
[00:13:38] Unknown:
Matilda, how can you be so stupid? Oh, Costello. Matilda is just a child. Her brain is developing.
[00:13:43] Unknown:
Yeah. Too little. Too late. Uncle Louie. Uncle Louie, I wanna go hunting with you. I wanna pull a bear's tail. No. You don't. You pull a bear's tail, it will bite you. No. It won't. Then why not? Bears don't bite when that ends.
[00:13:59] Unknown:
Yes. And look, Matilda, will you do us a favor, please? Just run along and don't bother us now. The guy that's going to be here is gonna take us home. And uncle Louie and I have to unpack. Well, before I go, uncle Louie, can I do my animal impersonation? Okay. Anything at all? What's it? It goes like this. Kid. Ouch. Kid. Ouch. Kid. Ouch. Wait a minute. What's that kiss? Ouch. That's two porcupines making.
[00:14:27] Unknown:
Will you get
[00:14:29] Unknown:
out of here? Hey. I'd like to find out who Matilda's rider is. Not a Hey. What's the matter now? For a minute, that kid I thought I was a hundred and three and a half years old. A hundred and three and a half. So wait a minute. That must be the guide now. Come in.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
Howdy, fellows. I'm your hunting guide. Hey, Abbott. It's a name. Quiet. Certainly.
[00:14:52] Unknown:
Don't you recognize her? It's Claire Trevor. How landed, miss Trevor? We weren't a expecting girl. We thought a man was gonna lead us. Well, didn't you ever follow a woman before? Well, once I followed a woman who used to catch me. Papa? No. Another guy beat you to her.
[00:15:16] Unknown:
Now don't talk like that, love. Oh, that's alright, mister Abbott. You know, my sister thinks Costello is the best comedian on the air. Oh, gee. Thanks. I'd like to meet her. Well, you can. We never let her out of the attic.
[00:15:33] Unknown:
What a clever Trevor. Now, miss Trevor Oh,
[00:15:39] Unknown:
won't you call me Claire?
[00:15:42] Unknown:
Well, will you call me, bud? Will you call me when this is all over? By the way, Claire, how did you happen to become a guy handling guns and rifles? Well, you see, in pictures, I used to be a gangster mole. Mole? The word is mouth. I know, but I can't get a laugh with mop. Mhmm. That takes service. Seriously. Alright. Alright. Now just take it easy. No remarks, Costello. You see, Claire, the reason we came up here in the woods is because of the meat shortage. Costello wants to do a little honey. Oh, really? What's your favorite animal? Rose meat. There, Costello.
[00:16:18] Unknown:
People don't hunt roast speed. What was that line in front of the butchers this morning? Termites? Alright. I'll just let it go with that. Take it easy. Alright, boys. Let's get to the hunting trip. Now you start out at 05:00 in the morning. You're trapped for 15 miles with a pack on your back, a lilt in your voice, a song in your soul. And a blister on my heels.
[00:16:37] Unknown:
We should reach the mountain by noon, don't you think, Clare? Yes. That's about right. And twelve to one, we climb the mountain. Twelve to one, I don't make it.
[00:16:45] Unknown:
It must be beautiful on top of a mountain player. Oh, it is. And you can listen to your echo. You simply say hello, and then the echo says hello. Sociable, ain't it? And then I yell again, how are you? And the echo comes back, how are you? And
[00:17:03] Unknown:
Say Claire. Yes, sir. Do you you enjoy that sort of thing? Quiet, Cutter. Go ahead, sir. Never mind. Happy Christmas. No. No. No. No. Nothing with the kind. No echoes. Echoes. Echoes. Maybe Claire enjoys them. Maybe you don't. So just keep quiet. Go ahead. I like it, Claire. It's not Claire. It's not those things. This is entirely different. I'll behave. Oh, great. Excited. Yes. And as you're standing there, suddenly you hear a loud roar and through the brush comes the most ferocious air in the world. Oh, grizzly.
[00:17:34] Unknown:
Good fellow. You rush up and grab them with your bare hands. What kind of a fool do you think I am? Why? Are there a different kind?
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Costello, what would you do in the face of such danger? Why, I'll do what I did once before. What do you mean? A bear was coming at me. No. I picked up my gun. He did. And with one bullet, l shot him in the foot and knocked all his teeth out. Now, wait a minute. How could you knock all his teeth out if you shot him in the foot? He was biting his nails.
[00:18:13] Unknown:
Here's Connie Haynes of the Campbell five with a sparkling tune from parallel star spangled rhythm doing it for defense.
[00:18:26] Unknown:
Mister phone gets it right. I'm your date for tonight. But when I hold you tight, I'm doing it for this damn month and month. You've been through. Now it's time you work through. Start from here, then we build. I'm doing it for a defense. If you kiss my lips and you feel me respond, it's because I just can't afford a farm. If you sing to Carrie Grant, brother relax. You're still sleeping on my income tax. Don't be hurt. Don't get so. I'm a pal. I'm loving more. This ain't love. This is war. I'm doing it for this band. Don't be heard.
Don't guess
[00:20:36] Unknown:
Costello, what are you shooting at? We haven't sighted any game yet. It says in my hunting book, if you get cold, take a couple of shots. Alright.
[00:20:45] Unknown:
Yeah. But you almost hit me. What's the matter? A iPad? What, Claire? IPad.
[00:20:51] Unknown:
Is who? Oh.
[00:20:53] Unknown:
Is who a pet, girl? No. Is who? No.
[00:20:56] Unknown:
Miss Trevor's trying to pick up some animal tracks. Follow her. Okay. Hey, Claire. That's a nice bustle you're wearing. That's no bustle. A knapsack slip.
[00:21:07] Unknown:
Oh, it's a
[00:21:09] Unknown:
my dog must be on the trail or something.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. Howard. Go ahead. Get away for a minute.
[00:21:15] Unknown:
Be careful of that dog, Costello. It's an Airedale. I know. I can feel the air.
[00:21:21] Unknown:
Oh, dear. I suppose I should have bought a mussel. A mussel? Mhmm. Muzzle.
[00:21:31] Unknown:
So you should have brought a muzzle. Why? Do you bite two? Oh, yeah. Oh, stop these remarks, Cartel.
[00:21:37] Unknown:
Claire's dog is very intelligent. He certainly is, and I'll prove it to you. Roger? Roger, how much is one and one? Good. How much is two and two? Hey. What a smart dog. Hey, Roger. What time is it?
[00:21:52] Unknown:
Half half five.
[00:21:59] Unknown:
That ain't a hot dog. That's a watch dog. No. Thank you. You're welcome. What am I talking about? Well, boys, you better get your guns loaded. We may come across some game any minute. Gun loaded, Castello? Yes. Wait a minute. Look. There's a wild turkey over there. The other, a turkey. A real turkey. Whoo.
[00:22:17] Unknown:
Alright. Finally, I'm gonna get something. Alright. Take it easy now. Site your gun. Now ready? Aim. Not miss Duke the third when it's not your turn. I'm the warden named Boom Boom. Boom Boom.
[00:22:30] Unknown:
That's the second warden. I'm the guide. And mister Costello isn't doing anything wrong. Yes, he is. That's too large a gun for such a small bird.
[00:22:38] Unknown:
Naughty, naughty thing. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Wait a minute. Can I use a four now? Oh, no. That's much too sharp too sharp. Then can I use a swing shot? No. That would bruise the bird. Do you mind if I just give him a dirty look? Hey. Wait a minute. There's a whole flock of ducks getting up out of the morning. Oh, yes. You stand in the middle, tuck fellow. In the middle? And let you two shoot over me? Yes. And I'll take the high bird. And I'll take the low bird. And I'll be in the hospital before you, daddy.
[00:23:08] Unknown:
Saint Claire. You seen that bird tracks over the air across the stream? Yes. I think so. Go ahead, cuss. They'll jump across the stream. Okay.
[00:23:18] Unknown:
Hey. Help. Help. The lion's followed. It's my fault. My hands are freezing. Put them in your pocket. Okay. That's no good. I think so. And now
[00:23:28] Unknown:
will you help me out balance? I've gone down for a fifth time. Three times is the limit. Then I just set a new record a hand. Give me your hand. I better carry you across. Alright, dear. But if you try to kiss me, I'll call for mother. Oh, goody. She's getting a girl for me. Quiet, boys. Look. See how these bears tracks go right into that cave? I think we'll find our grizzly inside. Yes. I see two eyes shining in the dark. Step aside, Abbot. I'll get him. Come on in there, you old grizzly. I'm gonna shoot. Come on out. Don't shoot. I'm on a three and a half here at Val. Please get get in my hair more time. Matilda, what are you doing in this cave? I went in there to catch this little pussycat.
[00:24:13] Unknown:
It's a whip whips the map. Oh, no. Little girl. That's a skunk. That's what I said. It whips the map.
[00:24:21] Unknown:
Listen, Matilda. You better get out of here. Go on back to the cabin. But what if I meet a very ferocious animal? He'll have to take care of himself. Go on, beat it.
[00:24:29] Unknown:
Hey, boys. Come here. You know, I think the bear has already been in this cave. Here's a piece of fur off his coat. Coat? You mean a bear wears a coat? Now you dummy pelt. Hide. Hide. What should I hide? He means hide. Hide. The bear's outside. Well, ma'am, stay outside. We don't want him in here. Well, come on. Let's get moving. We've got to find our grizzly before it gets dark. You know, there's another cave about 10 miles from here. 10 miles? Yeah. Let's walk fast. Well, here we are. We surely got here fast, didn't we? Yeah. Well, we had to. This is only a five minute sketch.
[00:25:03] Unknown:
Oh, see. Listen. There's something over there. Look. It's a rope.
[00:25:15] Unknown:
Now wait a minute. That's Ken Niles. What's the idea, Niles? You can't be a wolf. Why not? He's from Hollywood.
[00:25:27] Unknown:
Hey. What's going on here? I thought I was gonna do something.
[00:25:30] Unknown:
Oh, Costello.
[00:25:31] Unknown:
Look. There's a little beaver down in the street. Isn't he cute? I wonder what the little beaver's doing. Probably waiting for Red Ryder. Red Ryder. Why don't you try some beaver meat, Costello? Okay. Hand me my turn. I'm broom, broom, broom. Mushin' shoot the little beaver. Vertex, fifty dollars. After all, beavers dooms dance. You mean dance. Swearing tax, $40. You better pay, Costello. Forty bucks. Don't make me laugh. Laugh? Amusement tax, $20. Hey, Abbott. Hand me my gun. Oh, don't you remember I'm the game warden. Boom, boom, boom. Woah. You were the game warden.
Costello. That was a terrible thing you did. Yes, Costello. Now you're in real trouble. You said it. I don't know how to cook a game warden. Land and
[00:26:29] Unknown:
sea and in the air, it's camels. Camels, first for the men in the army. Camels, first for the men in the navy. Camels, first for the men in the marine corps. Camels, first for the men in the coast guard. Yes, with men in all the services, Camel is the favorite according to actual male records in post exchanges and campaigns. Remember that whether you're buying cigarettes to send to men in the service or to smoke yourself, Camels have the flavor, extra flavor that helps them to hold up pack after pack no matter how many you smoke. And camels have the extra mildness, slow burning and cruel smoking that go with costlier tobaccos expertly blended.
For steady smoking, stick to camel. Your throat and your taste will tell you. C a m t l s. Camel, get a pack tonight. Send the carton to that fellow in the service. And remember, you can still send camels to army personnel in The United States and to men in the navy, marines, or coast guard wherever they are. The post office rule against mailing packages applies only to those sent to the overseas army. Before we hear from Abbott and Costello again, here is an important announcement from our government for every young woman between the ages of 18 and 35. Your country is facing a shortage of nurses.
A shortage so serious that the safety of our war wounded and the health of our civilians are in great danger. Mid year classes for student nurses are being formed now. Every student nurse will immediately help to free train nurses for overseas duty because students start hospital work right away. Women who are unable to afford tuition may apply for scholarships. Here's what you do. If you are a citizen between 18 and 35, graduated from high school and in good health, right today through student nurses, box eighty eight, New York City. And now here's Bud Abbott and Lou Costello again.
[00:28:46] Unknown:
Thanks, Ken. Ladies and gentlemen, next Thursday night, our program will be broadcast from the Navy Receiving Station at San Pedro, California. So to captain Feynman and his staff and to my fine friends, chaplain Bennett and lieutenant commander Myers, thanks for the invitation, and we'll all be seeing you next week. And our guest will be Betty Hutton. So good night, everybody.
[00:29:09] Unknown:
Good night.
[00:29:20] Unknown:
Blair Trampleau appeared with us this evening. The Susie scene in Columbia Pictures forthcoming Technicolor film, The Desperado. And now this is Ken Niles, reminding you to hear the Campbell caravan tomorrow night and wishing you all a pleasant good night from Hollywood. Say, mister pipe smoker. How does your tongue feel after smoking a couple of good long pipe pulls? If it feels uncomfortable, why not switch to Prince Albert, the pipe tobacco that's no bite treated for cool tongue happy smoking comfort. PA is crimp cut too, and that means it's easy to pack, easy to keep lit, and easy to draw.
And remember, there are around 50 mild, rich tasting pipe folds to every handy pocket package of Prince Albert. Try PA or pipe appeal. It's the National Joy Smoke. This is the National Broadcasting Company.
Introduction and Brightening Your Day
Abbott and Costello Comedy Skit
Camel Cigarettes Advertisement
Hunting Adventure Begins
Musical Interlude
Hunting Mishaps and Comedy
Camel Cigarettes and Military Support
Nursing Shortage Announcement and Closing Remarks
