In this lively episode, we dive into the whimsical world of Judy, who transforms from a mundane life to the vibrant excitement of Chumba Casino. Judy's newfound zest for life is contagious as she explores over a hundred casino-style games, bringing a touch of humor and thrill to her everyday routine. The episode takes a comedic turn with a series of humorous exchanges about meat shortages, hunting, and the antics of a mischievous child named Matilda. The playful banter between characters adds a layer of light-heartedness, making for an entertaining listen.
As the episode unfolds, listeners are treated to a comedic skit involving a hunting trip led by a surprising guide, Claire Trevor. The characters navigate through the woods, encountering various animals and humorous situations, including a talking dog and a misunderstanding with a game warden. The episode is a delightful mix of comedy, adventure, and unexpected twists, keeping listeners engaged with its witty dialogue and charming scenarios.
(00:00) Judy's Casino Adventure
(00:30) The Godfather Slot Experience
(01:06) Meat Shortage Comedy
(05:31) Hunting in the Woods
(10:00) Meeting the Hunting Guide
(14:48) The Hunt for Grizzly
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
Judy was boring. Hello. Then Judy discovered chumbacasino.com.
[00:00:05] Unknown:
It's my little escape.
[00:00:06] Unknown:
Now Judy's the life of the party. Oh, baby. Mama's bringing home the bacon. Woah. Take it easy, Judy. Chumba. The Chumba Life is for everybody. So go to Chumbacasino.com and play over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary for you. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details. Step into the world of power,
[00:00:33] Unknown:
loyalty, and luck I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. With family cannolis, and spins mean everything. Now you wanna get mixed up in the family business? Introducing The God Godfather at champacasino.com. Test your luck in the shadowy world of The Godfather slot. Someday, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play The Godfather now at champacasino.com.
[00:00:59] Unknown:
Welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW group. Boy, we're prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply.
[00:01:06] Unknown:
Hey. Oh, Costello. You're late again as usual. What kept you this time? Well, I got a phone call from my bank, and I had it run down there right away. What was the matter? The butter in my bowl was melting. Oh, Casparo. What do you want the bowl for? Oh, in case I get some meat. Haven't you had any? Haven't you had any meat? Nope. The only way I can get meat is to stand over a gopher hole with a baseball bat. Oh, stop complaining. Things could be a lot worse. Nobody's worrying about getting meat. Oh, no? Yesterday, I went to the market. The butcher put his arm on the counter, and before he knew it, three women bought it. Well, if you're so worried about nourishment, why not take vitamins like I do? Now vitamin a gives me sunshine. Vitamin b gives me energy. Vitamin c gives me calcium. I take vitamin w. What does that give you? Wow.
Good evening, fellas. What's the discussion all about here, bud? Oh, hello, Ken. Hello, Kenneth. I can't worrying about the meat, Sean. Yeah. You know how he is. His eyes are bigger than his stomach. They are? Hello, fat eyes. Of course, I'm not worried about the meat shortage. Why should you with that mutton head? You should talk, fat boy. Who's fat? I got a military figure. That's right. When you wear a belt, your stomach goes over the top. Now, Squaresk, you need why don't you get a pair of snowshoes? What does he need snowshoes for? When he takes a bath, he won't slide down the drain. That's no way to talk. Oh, no. When he gets undressed, it's like unveiling a cow stick. No. No. No. No. No. No. He's so skinny he has to put a bell on his tonsils to prove he's breathing. Just a minute, Costello. You're always making fun of my physique.
You should see my chest expands. Yeah. Go on, Ken. Sean. Take a deep breath. Alright. Attaboy. No more, Ken. Deeper. That's it. Oh, yeah. Well, look. My wife doesn't have to. I'm a vegetarian. I'm crazy about vegetables. You must be to be married to that old tomato.
[00:03:27] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Costello.
[00:03:29] Unknown:
Now don't fret, darling. I'll tell him. Costello, I'll have you know my wife is a striking woman. And you've got the black and blue marks to prove it. Now, Costello, you'll have to admit that missus Niles has a winning smile. Yeah. And a losing face.
[00:03:43] Unknown:
Oh, is that so? I'll have you know my picture has been on many a cover. Magazine or manhole?
[00:03:54] Unknown:
I don't know. You behave yourself. I do.
[00:03:57] Unknown:
How dare you talk that way? Why men throw their hearts at my feet, flow to my feet, gift at my feet. What have your feet got that you haven't got?
[00:04:07] Unknown:
Now wait a minute. This isn't getting the meat problem solved. You see, missus Niles, before you came in, we were discussing the meat shortage.
[00:04:14] Unknown:
That doesn't affect me.
[00:04:16] Unknown:
I get my meat for the pound. Next time you pass the pound, get me some.
[00:04:22] Unknown:
I do not eat dog meat.
[00:04:25] Unknown:
You don't, Here, Queenie. Come on, Queenie. Please. Please. Now stop that. Here, Queenie, come here. Did you stop that right away, alright? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh
[00:05:29] Unknown:
She know the butcher. Tell us, Mr. Boone, are there any restrictions on hunting up in your woods? Well, you can't count shooting all the animals. You see, they have just as much right to live as I. Even more. And now to the rule. Are you Luca Stello going hunting with first Abbot? Yes. Then kindly step forward. Do you both promise to honor and obey the hunting laws the same? I do. I do. And do you both further promise to love and cherish the grandeur of nature? I do. I don't. And in the event of danger, do you solemnly promise to protect each other until death do you part? I don't. I don't. But he wrote that. I now pronounce you man and wife.
The name is Boom. Boom. Man and wife? Well, Abbot, ain't you gonna kiss me? Get out of here. Well, here we are, Castello. The fine tree hunting lot in the heart of the Northwood. How you wanna be able to shoot plenty of meat up here? I don't know, Abbot. There's too cold up here. Let's go back to town. I wanna get my spines across Don't be silly. This is invigorating. It isn't cold. It isn't cold. Certainly not. I just saw a squirrel crawling down the road wearing a silver fox. Oh, come on. That's the matter with your eyesight. That's nonsense. Right behind him was a rabbit wearing earmuffs. Oh, now, little little That was a rabbit. Come on. Rabbit. Rabbit. Somebody else. Never mind that. Oh, six pages. Six pages. Come on.
Now, come on. Let's get our things unpacked. Did you bring my red hunting jacket? I hope no. You tell me I can't go hunting without a red jacket. Now you know that. Don't worry. Don't worry. You'll have a red jacket. I will. Yeah. I brought you pound feet, two, four bottles of ketchup. Well, anyhow, I sent for a guy's biggest hunting. I wish we'd get here. I'm dying for a piece of pennies. Sure. Let's steer me. Wouldn't you like to shoot a buck, dear? Is that a buck, honey? I understand. Look, I'm talking about money. Haven't you ever hunted before? Oh, sure. I caught a mink and shot nine bucks in fifteen minutes. Now that's ridiculous. How could you shoot nine bucks in fifteen minutes? Did you ever go out with a hungry blonde? Sure. I I should say not. Oh, skip it. And get that suitcase unpacked. Hey. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Sounds like a mouse in that suitcase. Open it up.
[00:07:49] Unknown:
It's a mouse alright. And I'm a retriever here at the
[00:07:58] Unknown:
Hey. It's that kid I get in. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hey, Matilda. Now look. There's no place for a little bur girl. A girl. A girl. Whatever it is. There's why don't they make bigger tights? Alright. Never mind that. That'd be nice. There's a lot of wild animals up here. I'm not afraid of animals. My daddy's an elk.
[00:08:16] Unknown:
Elk?
[00:08:17] Unknown:
Matilda, that kind of an elk isn't an animal. You never saw my daddy. Why don't you stick your head in a bear trap and don't let go? Costella, how can you be so unkind to that child? She has a good head on her. Her head in the back would start a softball game.
[00:08:34] Unknown:
Uncle Louie, can I go hunting with you? I know how to hang with animals. Once I grab the cow by the horn. Now, Matilda,
[00:08:42] Unknown:
behave. My cow hasn't any horns. No wonder I got milk. Matilda, how can you be so stupid? Oh, Costella. If Matilda is just a child, her brain is developing.
[00:08:56] Unknown:
Yeah. Too little and too late. Uncle Louie. Uncle Louie. I wanna go happen with you. I wanna pull a bear's tail. No. You don't. You pull a bear's tail, it will bite you. No. It won't. Then why not? Bears don't bite for that end. Yeah.
[00:09:12] Unknown:
And look, Matilda, will you do us a favor, please? Just run along and don't bother us now. The guy that's going to be here is gonna take us home. And Uncle Louie and I have to unpack.
[00:09:21] Unknown:
Well, before I go, uncle Louie, can I do my animal impersonation?
[00:09:25] Unknown:
Okay. Anything at all. What's It goes like this.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Kit, ouch. Kit, ouch. Kit, ouch. Wait a minute. What's that kiss? Ouch. That's two porcupines making.
[00:09:39] Unknown:
Will you get out of here?
[00:09:49] Unknown:
Hey. I'd like to find out who Matilda's rider is. Not bad. What's the matter now? For a minute, that kid I thought I was 103 years old. 103. So wait a minute. That must be the guide now. Come in. Howdy, fellows. I'm your hunting guide. Hey, Abbott. It's her name. Quiet. Certainly. Don't you recognize her? It's Claire Trevor. I waited, miss Trevor. We weren't expecting a girl. We thought a man was gonna lead us. Well, didn't you ever follow a woman before? Well, once I followed a woman, who used to catch me? Papa? No. Another guy speak to her.
[00:10:29] Unknown:
Now don't talk like that, love. Oh, that's alright, mister Abbott. You know, my sister thinks Costello is the best comedian on the air. Oh, gee. Thanks. I'd like to meet her. Well, you can't. We never let her out of the attic.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
What a clever Trevor. Now, miss Trevor. Oh,
[00:10:53] Unknown:
won't you call me, Claire?
[00:10:55] Unknown:
Well, will you call me, bud? Will you call me when this is all over? By the way, Claire, how did you happen to become a guy handling guns and rifles? Well, you see, in pictures, I used to be a gangster's mole. Mole?
[00:11:11] Unknown:
The word is mouth. I know, but I can't get a laugh with mop. Mhmm.
[00:11:16] Unknown:
That takes care of me. Alright. Alright. Now just take it easy. No remarks, Costello. Missy Claire, the reason we came up here in the woods is because of meat shortage. Costello wants to do a little funny. Oh, really? What's your favorite animal? Gross bee. The Costello.
[00:11:31] Unknown:
People don't hunt gross bee. What was that line in front of butchers this morning? Termites? Alright. I'll just let it go with that. Take it easy. Alright, boys. Let's get to the hunting pit. Now you start out at 05:00 in the morning. You're trapped for 15 miles with a pack on your back, a lilt in your voice, a song in your soul. And a blister on my heels.
[00:11:50] Unknown:
We should reach the mountain by noon, don't you think, Clare? Yes. That's about right. And twelve to one, we climb the mountain. Twelve to one, I don't make it.
[00:11:58] Unknown:
It must be musical on top of the mountain, Clare. Oh, it is. And you can listen to your echo. You simply say hello and then the echo says hello. Sociable, ain't it? And then I yell again, how are you? And the echo comes back, how are you? And then I say it's a nice day. Yes. Say clear. Are you?
[00:12:18] Unknown:
You you enjoy that sort of thing?
[00:12:21] Unknown:
Quiet, Godzilla. Quiet.
[00:12:23] Unknown:
Never mind. That's
[00:12:27] Unknown:
No. No. No. Nothing with the kind. There's no echoes. Echoes. Echo. Maybe Claire enjoys them. Maybe you don't. So just be quiet. Go ahead. I like it, Claire. Not a class. Not those things. This is entirely different. Now behave. Oh, great. Got it. Yes. And as you're standing there, suddenly you hear a loud roar and through the brush comes the most ferocious air in the world. Oh, grizzly.
[00:12:48] Unknown:
Crisello, you rush up and grab him with your bare hands. What kind of a fool do you think I am? Why, are there a different time?
[00:13:01] Unknown:
Costello, what would you do in the face of such danger? Why, I'll do what I did once before. What do you mean? A bear was coming at me. No. I picked up my gun. You did? And with one bullet, I shot him in a foot and knocked all his teeth out. Now wait a minute. How could you knock all his teeth out if you shot him in the foot? He was biting his nails. Just tell her what are you shooting at? We haven't started any game yet. It says in my hunting foot, if you get cold, take a couple of shots. Alright.
[00:13:28] Unknown:
Yeah. But you almost hit me. What's the matter? IPad?
[00:13:31] Unknown:
What's where?
[00:13:32] Unknown:
IPad. Is who?
[00:13:36] Unknown:
Oh. Is who a bad girl? No. Is who? Miss Trevor's trying to pick up some animal tracks. Follow her. Okay. Be clear. That's a nice bustle you're wearing. That's no bustle. The knapsack flip.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
Oh, say. My dog must be on the trail or something. Hey. Hey. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[00:13:59] Unknown:
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[00:14:05] Unknown:
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow
[00:14:14] Unknown:
So you should have brought a mussel. Why do you bite two? Here. I'll stop these remarks, Cartel.
[00:14:20] Unknown:
Claire's dog is very intelligent. He certainly is. No proba to you. Roger? Roger, how much is one and one? Good. How much is two and two?
[00:14:31] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. What a smart dog. Hey, Roger. What time is it? Half past five. That ain't a honey dog. That's a what storm. No. Thank you. You're welcome. What about fuck of this dog?
[00:14:48] Unknown:
Well, boys, you better get the gun loaded. We may come across some game any minute. Gun loaded, Costello? Yes. Wait a minute. Look. There's a wild turkey over there. Forever. A turkey. A real turkey. Whoo. I'm fighting good against the sea. Alright. Take it easy now. Site your gun. Now. Ready?
[00:15:05] Unknown:
Aim. Must be scoot the bird when his back is turned. I'm the warden named broom, broom, broom. Just the second warden. I'm the guide. And mister Costello isn't doing anything wrong. Yes. He is. That's too much to come for such a small bird. Naughty naughty name boom boom boom. It's boom boom boom. Wait a minute. Can I use a four arrow? Oh, no. That's my tussock. Tussock. Then can I use a three shot? No. That would bruise the bird. Do you mind if I just give him a dirty look? Stay with me, ma'am. There's a whole flock of ducks getting up out of the morning. Oh, yes. You stand in the middle, Tuxedo. In the middle? Don't you too suit over me? Yes. And I'll take the high bird. Then I'll take the little bird. And I'll be in the hospital before you, daddy. I'll take Claire. You see that bird's ax open air across the stream? Yes. I think so. Go ahead, Cassello.
[00:15:56] Unknown:
Jump across the stream. Okay.
[00:16:14] Unknown:
Three times is the limit. Then I'd just set a new record here. Give me your hand. Here, I'd better carry you across. Alright, dear. But if you try to kiss me, I'll call for mother. Oh, goody. She's getting a girl for me.
[00:16:28] Unknown:
Quiet, boys.
[00:16:30] Unknown:
Look. See how these bears tracks go right into that cave? I think we'll find our grizzly inside. Yes. I see two eyes shining in the dark. Step aside, Abbot, and I'll get them. Come on out there, you old grizzly. I'm gonna shoot. Come on out. Don't shoot. I'm only three and a half here at five. This kid can get to my hair more time. Matilda, what are you doing in this tape? I went in there to catch this little pussycat.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
It's a whip witch's a nap. Oh, no. That'll be all. That's a gun. That's what I said. A witch's a nap.
[00:17:04] Unknown:
Listen, Matilda. You better get out of here. Go on back to the cabin. But what if I meet a very ferocious animal? He'll have to take care of himself. Go out and beat it.
[00:17:12] Unknown:
Hey, boys. Come here. You know, I think the bear has already been in this cave. There's a piece of fur off his coat. Coat? You mean a bear wears a coat? Not yet, dummy. Pelt. Hide. Hide. What should I hide? He means hide. Hide. The bear's outside.
[00:17:26] Unknown:
Well, ma'am, stay outside. We don't want him in here.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Well, come on. Let's get moving. We've got to find our grizzly before it gets dark. You know, there's another cave about 10 miles from here. 10 miles? Yeah. Let's walk fast.
[00:17:39] Unknown:
Well, here we
[00:17:40] Unknown:
are. We surely got here fast, didn't we? Yeah. Well, we had to. This is only a five minute sketch.
[00:17:46] Unknown:
Oh, hey. Listen. There's something over there. Look. It's a rope. Now wait a minute. That's Ken Niles. What's the idea, Niles? You can't be a wolf. Why not? He's from Hollywood. Hey. What's going on here? I thought I was gonna do something.
[00:18:13] Unknown:
Oh, Costello.
[00:18:14] Unknown:
Look. There's a little beaver down in the street. Isn't he cute? I wonder what the little beaver's doing. Probably waiting for Red Ryder. The Red Ryder. Why don't you try some beaver meat, Costello? Okay. Hand me my turn. I'm boom boom boom. Mushing shoot the little beaver for a tax. $50. After all, beaver's boom done. You mean 10. Swearing tax, $40. Better pay, Costello. Forty bucks. Don't make me laugh. Laugh? A newsman tax, $20. Hey, Abbot. Hand me my gun. Oh, don't you remember I'm the game warden? Boom. Boom. Boom. Bro. You were the game warden.
Costello. That was a terrible thing. Yes, Costello. Now you're in real trouble. You said it. I don't know how to cook a game warden.
Judy was boring. Hello. Then Judy discovered chumbacasino.com.
[00:00:05] Unknown:
It's my little escape.
[00:00:06] Unknown:
Now Judy's the life of the party. Oh, baby. Mama's bringing home the bacon. Woah. Take it easy, Judy. Chumba. The Chumba Life is for everybody. So go to Chumbacasino.com and play over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary for you. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details. Step into the world of power,
[00:00:33] Unknown:
loyalty, and luck I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse. With family cannolis, and spins mean everything. Now you wanna get mixed up in the family business? Introducing The God Godfather at champacasino.com. Test your luck in the shadowy world of The Godfather slot. Someday, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Play The Godfather now at champacasino.com.
[00:00:59] Unknown:
Welcome to the family. No purchase necessary. VGW group. Boy, we're prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply.
[00:01:06] Unknown:
Hey. Oh, Costello. You're late again as usual. What kept you this time? Well, I got a phone call from my bank, and I had it run down there right away. What was the matter? The butter in my bowl was melting. Oh, Casparo. What do you want the bowl for? Oh, in case I get some meat. Haven't you had any? Haven't you had any meat? Nope. The only way I can get meat is to stand over a gopher hole with a baseball bat. Oh, stop complaining. Things could be a lot worse. Nobody's worrying about getting meat. Oh, no? Yesterday, I went to the market. The butcher put his arm on the counter, and before he knew it, three women bought it. Well, if you're so worried about nourishment, why not take vitamins like I do? Now vitamin a gives me sunshine. Vitamin b gives me energy. Vitamin c gives me calcium. I take vitamin w. What does that give you? Wow.
Good evening, fellas. What's the discussion all about here, bud? Oh, hello, Ken. Hello, Kenneth. I can't worrying about the meat, Sean. Yeah. You know how he is. His eyes are bigger than his stomach. They are? Hello, fat eyes. Of course, I'm not worried about the meat shortage. Why should you with that mutton head? You should talk, fat boy. Who's fat? I got a military figure. That's right. When you wear a belt, your stomach goes over the top. Now, Squaresk, you need why don't you get a pair of snowshoes? What does he need snowshoes for? When he takes a bath, he won't slide down the drain. That's no way to talk. Oh, no. When he gets undressed, it's like unveiling a cow stick. No. No. No. No. No. No. He's so skinny he has to put a bell on his tonsils to prove he's breathing. Just a minute, Costello. You're always making fun of my physique.
You should see my chest expands. Yeah. Go on, Ken. Sean. Take a deep breath. Alright. Attaboy. No more, Ken. Deeper. That's it. Oh, yeah. Well, look. My wife doesn't have to. I'm a vegetarian. I'm crazy about vegetables. You must be to be married to that old tomato.
[00:03:27] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Costello.
[00:03:29] Unknown:
Now don't fret, darling. I'll tell him. Costello, I'll have you know my wife is a striking woman. And you've got the black and blue marks to prove it. Now, Costello, you'll have to admit that missus Niles has a winning smile. Yeah. And a losing face.
[00:03:43] Unknown:
Oh, is that so? I'll have you know my picture has been on many a cover. Magazine or manhole?
[00:03:54] Unknown:
I don't know. You behave yourself. I do.
[00:03:57] Unknown:
How dare you talk that way? Why men throw their hearts at my feet, flow to my feet, gift at my feet. What have your feet got that you haven't got?
[00:04:07] Unknown:
Now wait a minute. This isn't getting the meat problem solved. You see, missus Niles, before you came in, we were discussing the meat shortage.
[00:04:14] Unknown:
That doesn't affect me.
[00:04:16] Unknown:
I get my meat for the pound. Next time you pass the pound, get me some.
[00:04:22] Unknown:
I do not eat dog meat.
[00:04:25] Unknown:
You don't, Here, Queenie. Come on, Queenie. Please. Please. Now stop that. Here, Queenie, come here. Did you stop that right away, alright? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh
[00:05:29] Unknown:
She know the butcher. Tell us, Mr. Boone, are there any restrictions on hunting up in your woods? Well, you can't count shooting all the animals. You see, they have just as much right to live as I. Even more. And now to the rule. Are you Luca Stello going hunting with first Abbot? Yes. Then kindly step forward. Do you both promise to honor and obey the hunting laws the same? I do. I do. And do you both further promise to love and cherish the grandeur of nature? I do. I don't. And in the event of danger, do you solemnly promise to protect each other until death do you part? I don't. I don't. But he wrote that. I now pronounce you man and wife.
The name is Boom. Boom. Man and wife? Well, Abbot, ain't you gonna kiss me? Get out of here. Well, here we are, Castello. The fine tree hunting lot in the heart of the Northwood. How you wanna be able to shoot plenty of meat up here? I don't know, Abbot. There's too cold up here. Let's go back to town. I wanna get my spines across Don't be silly. This is invigorating. It isn't cold. It isn't cold. Certainly not. I just saw a squirrel crawling down the road wearing a silver fox. Oh, come on. That's the matter with your eyesight. That's nonsense. Right behind him was a rabbit wearing earmuffs. Oh, now, little little That was a rabbit. Come on. Rabbit. Rabbit. Somebody else. Never mind that. Oh, six pages. Six pages. Come on.
Now, come on. Let's get our things unpacked. Did you bring my red hunting jacket? I hope no. You tell me I can't go hunting without a red jacket. Now you know that. Don't worry. Don't worry. You'll have a red jacket. I will. Yeah. I brought you pound feet, two, four bottles of ketchup. Well, anyhow, I sent for a guy's biggest hunting. I wish we'd get here. I'm dying for a piece of pennies. Sure. Let's steer me. Wouldn't you like to shoot a buck, dear? Is that a buck, honey? I understand. Look, I'm talking about money. Haven't you ever hunted before? Oh, sure. I caught a mink and shot nine bucks in fifteen minutes. Now that's ridiculous. How could you shoot nine bucks in fifteen minutes? Did you ever go out with a hungry blonde? Sure. I I should say not. Oh, skip it. And get that suitcase unpacked. Hey. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Sounds like a mouse in that suitcase. Open it up.
[00:07:49] Unknown:
It's a mouse alright. And I'm a retriever here at the
[00:07:58] Unknown:
Hey. It's that kid I get in. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hey, Matilda. Now look. There's no place for a little bur girl. A girl. A girl. Whatever it is. There's why don't they make bigger tights? Alright. Never mind that. That'd be nice. There's a lot of wild animals up here. I'm not afraid of animals. My daddy's an elk.
[00:08:16] Unknown:
Elk?
[00:08:17] Unknown:
Matilda, that kind of an elk isn't an animal. You never saw my daddy. Why don't you stick your head in a bear trap and don't let go? Costella, how can you be so unkind to that child? She has a good head on her. Her head in the back would start a softball game.
[00:08:34] Unknown:
Uncle Louie, can I go hunting with you? I know how to hang with animals. Once I grab the cow by the horn. Now, Matilda,
[00:08:42] Unknown:
behave. My cow hasn't any horns. No wonder I got milk. Matilda, how can you be so stupid? Oh, Costella. If Matilda is just a child, her brain is developing.
[00:08:56] Unknown:
Yeah. Too little and too late. Uncle Louie. Uncle Louie. I wanna go happen with you. I wanna pull a bear's tail. No. You don't. You pull a bear's tail, it will bite you. No. It won't. Then why not? Bears don't bite for that end. Yeah.
[00:09:12] Unknown:
And look, Matilda, will you do us a favor, please? Just run along and don't bother us now. The guy that's going to be here is gonna take us home. And Uncle Louie and I have to unpack.
[00:09:21] Unknown:
Well, before I go, uncle Louie, can I do my animal impersonation?
[00:09:25] Unknown:
Okay. Anything at all. What's It goes like this.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Kit, ouch. Kit, ouch. Kit, ouch. Wait a minute. What's that kiss? Ouch. That's two porcupines making.
[00:09:39] Unknown:
Will you get out of here?
[00:09:49] Unknown:
Hey. I'd like to find out who Matilda's rider is. Not bad. What's the matter now? For a minute, that kid I thought I was 103 years old. 103. So wait a minute. That must be the guide now. Come in. Howdy, fellows. I'm your hunting guide. Hey, Abbott. It's her name. Quiet. Certainly. Don't you recognize her? It's Claire Trevor. I waited, miss Trevor. We weren't expecting a girl. We thought a man was gonna lead us. Well, didn't you ever follow a woman before? Well, once I followed a woman, who used to catch me? Papa? No. Another guy speak to her.
[00:10:29] Unknown:
Now don't talk like that, love. Oh, that's alright, mister Abbott. You know, my sister thinks Costello is the best comedian on the air. Oh, gee. Thanks. I'd like to meet her. Well, you can't. We never let her out of the attic.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
What a clever Trevor. Now, miss Trevor. Oh,
[00:10:53] Unknown:
won't you call me, Claire?
[00:10:55] Unknown:
Well, will you call me, bud? Will you call me when this is all over? By the way, Claire, how did you happen to become a guy handling guns and rifles? Well, you see, in pictures, I used to be a gangster's mole. Mole?
[00:11:11] Unknown:
The word is mouth. I know, but I can't get a laugh with mop. Mhmm.
[00:11:16] Unknown:
That takes care of me. Alright. Alright. Now just take it easy. No remarks, Costello. Missy Claire, the reason we came up here in the woods is because of meat shortage. Costello wants to do a little funny. Oh, really? What's your favorite animal? Gross bee. The Costello.
[00:11:31] Unknown:
People don't hunt gross bee. What was that line in front of butchers this morning? Termites? Alright. I'll just let it go with that. Take it easy. Alright, boys. Let's get to the hunting pit. Now you start out at 05:00 in the morning. You're trapped for 15 miles with a pack on your back, a lilt in your voice, a song in your soul. And a blister on my heels.
[00:11:50] Unknown:
We should reach the mountain by noon, don't you think, Clare? Yes. That's about right. And twelve to one, we climb the mountain. Twelve to one, I don't make it.
[00:11:58] Unknown:
It must be musical on top of the mountain, Clare. Oh, it is. And you can listen to your echo. You simply say hello and then the echo says hello. Sociable, ain't it? And then I yell again, how are you? And the echo comes back, how are you? And then I say it's a nice day. Yes. Say clear. Are you?
[00:12:18] Unknown:
You you enjoy that sort of thing?
[00:12:21] Unknown:
Quiet, Godzilla. Quiet.
[00:12:23] Unknown:
Never mind. That's
[00:12:27] Unknown:
No. No. No. Nothing with the kind. There's no echoes. Echoes. Echo. Maybe Claire enjoys them. Maybe you don't. So just be quiet. Go ahead. I like it, Claire. Not a class. Not those things. This is entirely different. Now behave. Oh, great. Got it. Yes. And as you're standing there, suddenly you hear a loud roar and through the brush comes the most ferocious air in the world. Oh, grizzly.
[00:12:48] Unknown:
Crisello, you rush up and grab him with your bare hands. What kind of a fool do you think I am? Why, are there a different time?
[00:13:01] Unknown:
Costello, what would you do in the face of such danger? Why, I'll do what I did once before. What do you mean? A bear was coming at me. No. I picked up my gun. You did? And with one bullet, I shot him in a foot and knocked all his teeth out. Now wait a minute. How could you knock all his teeth out if you shot him in the foot? He was biting his nails. Just tell her what are you shooting at? We haven't started any game yet. It says in my hunting foot, if you get cold, take a couple of shots. Alright.
[00:13:28] Unknown:
Yeah. But you almost hit me. What's the matter? IPad?
[00:13:31] Unknown:
What's where?
[00:13:32] Unknown:
IPad. Is who?
[00:13:36] Unknown:
Oh. Is who a bad girl? No. Is who? Miss Trevor's trying to pick up some animal tracks. Follow her. Okay. Be clear. That's a nice bustle you're wearing. That's no bustle. The knapsack flip.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
Oh, say. My dog must be on the trail or something. Hey. Hey. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[00:13:59] Unknown:
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
[00:14:05] Unknown:
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow
[00:14:14] Unknown:
So you should have brought a mussel. Why do you bite two? Here. I'll stop these remarks, Cartel.
[00:14:20] Unknown:
Claire's dog is very intelligent. He certainly is. No proba to you. Roger? Roger, how much is one and one? Good. How much is two and two?
[00:14:31] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. What a smart dog. Hey, Roger. What time is it? Half past five. That ain't a honey dog. That's a what storm. No. Thank you. You're welcome. What about fuck of this dog?
[00:14:48] Unknown:
Well, boys, you better get the gun loaded. We may come across some game any minute. Gun loaded, Costello? Yes. Wait a minute. Look. There's a wild turkey over there. Forever. A turkey. A real turkey. Whoo. I'm fighting good against the sea. Alright. Take it easy now. Site your gun. Now. Ready?
[00:15:05] Unknown:
Aim. Must be scoot the bird when his back is turned. I'm the warden named broom, broom, broom. Just the second warden. I'm the guide. And mister Costello isn't doing anything wrong. Yes. He is. That's too much to come for such a small bird. Naughty naughty name boom boom boom. It's boom boom boom. Wait a minute. Can I use a four arrow? Oh, no. That's my tussock. Tussock. Then can I use a three shot? No. That would bruise the bird. Do you mind if I just give him a dirty look? Stay with me, ma'am. There's a whole flock of ducks getting up out of the morning. Oh, yes. You stand in the middle, Tuxedo. In the middle? Don't you too suit over me? Yes. And I'll take the high bird. Then I'll take the little bird. And I'll be in the hospital before you, daddy. I'll take Claire. You see that bird's ax open air across the stream? Yes. I think so. Go ahead, Cassello.
[00:15:56] Unknown:
Jump across the stream. Okay.
[00:16:14] Unknown:
Three times is the limit. Then I'd just set a new record here. Give me your hand. Here, I'd better carry you across. Alright, dear. But if you try to kiss me, I'll call for mother. Oh, goody. She's getting a girl for me.
[00:16:28] Unknown:
Quiet, boys.
[00:16:30] Unknown:
Look. See how these bears tracks go right into that cave? I think we'll find our grizzly inside. Yes. I see two eyes shining in the dark. Step aside, Abbot, and I'll get them. Come on out there, you old grizzly. I'm gonna shoot. Come on out. Don't shoot. I'm only three and a half here at five. This kid can get to my hair more time. Matilda, what are you doing in this tape? I went in there to catch this little pussycat.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
It's a whip witch's a nap. Oh, no. That'll be all. That's a gun. That's what I said. A witch's a nap.
[00:17:04] Unknown:
Listen, Matilda. You better get out of here. Go on back to the cabin. But what if I meet a very ferocious animal? He'll have to take care of himself. Go out and beat it.
[00:17:12] Unknown:
Hey, boys. Come here. You know, I think the bear has already been in this cave. There's a piece of fur off his coat. Coat? You mean a bear wears a coat? Not yet, dummy. Pelt. Hide. Hide. What should I hide? He means hide. Hide. The bear's outside.
[00:17:26] Unknown:
Well, ma'am, stay outside. We don't want him in here.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Well, come on. Let's get moving. We've got to find our grizzly before it gets dark. You know, there's another cave about 10 miles from here. 10 miles? Yeah. Let's walk fast.
[00:17:39] Unknown:
Well, here we
[00:17:40] Unknown:
are. We surely got here fast, didn't we? Yeah. Well, we had to. This is only a five minute sketch.
[00:17:46] Unknown:
Oh, hey. Listen. There's something over there. Look. It's a rope. Now wait a minute. That's Ken Niles. What's the idea, Niles? You can't be a wolf. Why not? He's from Hollywood. Hey. What's going on here? I thought I was gonna do something.
[00:18:13] Unknown:
Oh, Costello.
[00:18:14] Unknown:
Look. There's a little beaver down in the street. Isn't he cute? I wonder what the little beaver's doing. Probably waiting for Red Ryder. The Red Ryder. Why don't you try some beaver meat, Costello? Okay. Hand me my turn. I'm boom boom boom. Mushing shoot the little beaver for a tax. $50. After all, beaver's boom done. You mean 10. Swearing tax, $40. Better pay, Costello. Forty bucks. Don't make me laugh. Laugh? A newsman tax, $20. Hey, Abbot. Hand me my gun. Oh, don't you remember I'm the game warden? Boom. Boom. Boom. Bro. You were the game warden.
Costello. That was a terrible thing. Yes, Costello. Now you're in real trouble. You said it. I don't know how to cook a game warden.
