In this lively episode, we dive into the comedic world of Abbott and Costello, where misunderstandings and wordplay take center stage. Costello shares his romantic misadventures, including a humorous tale about his new girlfriend, Tessie Tinfoil, and a past engagement with Ruby Poop. The duo's banter is filled with puns and playful exchanges, showcasing their classic comedic style.
Listeners are treated to a series of sketches that highlight Costello's attempts to impress Tessie, including a visit to a barber and a dance lesson gone awry. The episode is a delightful mix of slapstick humor and witty dialogue, capturing the essence of Abbott and Costello's timeless comedy. Tune in for a nostalgic journey filled with laughter and classic comedic antics.
(00:34) Chumba Casino Craze
(01:38) Costello's New Flame
(04:36) A Date Gone Wrong
(08:06) Barbershop Shenanigans
(14:03) Dance Lessons with Madam Uchi Makuchi
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:00:28] Unknown:
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Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. But why are you so happy? Why am I happy at it? Yeah. Good news. Set myself a new girl. Beautiful girl. What do you mean? What a dish. I'd call her my little firecracker. Firecracker? Yeah. She's got red hair and bangs. And let her do have it? Now Not just in a cuddle. You say your new girlfriend has red hair and, is she teaching?
What? Is your girl teaching? What do you think she is? A baby? She grew with teaching. She's got all of teaching. No. No. No. No. No. You tell me I'm talking about teaching hair. Piece and hair is red. Piece and hair is red? Personally. Her hair may be red, but her piece is white. She's precious, have piece every day with a toothbrush, patient. Well, look, I look, I said I'm talking about your girlfriend's hair. Does she wave her hair? That's a very silly question. Now what's silly about it? Did you ever see my wife waving her hair? No. But I saw her shaking it out the window. Yeah.
Alright. Alright. Alright. Let's drop it. I saw her do that too. And her teeth went out with it. Well, look, Costello. By the way, who is this new girlfriend of yours? Where did you meet her? Abbott. Her name is Hesse Tinfoil. Tinfoil? I'm more wrapped up in this kid. Oh, cut it out. Where where did you meet this, Tessie Tinfoil? I met her in a private Tesla store. She works there. She works in a five and ten? Yes. She works at two counters. She sings at the music counter, and she sells perfume at the perfume counter. Hey. I'd like to meet her. Well, just walk in the store anytime. If you hear anything or smell anything, that's her. Hey, Godzilla. Have you had a date with this, Tessie tinfoil? Oh, sure. I had a date with her last night, Abbott. I took it at Griffith Park. I lit a lantern, and we sat there spooning. You lit a lantern to spoon? That's ridiculous. When I was courting my wife, I never used a lantern. I know. And look what you got.
I tell her you you can't talk ugly about my Betty. She's a very beautiful woman. She has eyes as big as soft. Yeah. And underneath, she has cups of match. Hell, you better not let my wife hear you say that. She's a very proud woman. In fact, she's very hoity toity. She may be hoity, but she'll ever see toity again. Thank you. Now, fella, please leave my wife out of this. We were talking about miss tinfoil. Are you serious about this girl or is it just puppy love? I think it's puppy love. How do you know? Of course, her nose is always cold and damp. But, touching tinfoil is the most beautiful girl ever I ever saw. You mean she's really pretty? She's more than pretty. She's different.
You know, how Mel Oberon's eyes have that beautiful oriental slant? Yes. Well, touchy's ears slant the same way. Look, that fella, I can't understand your sudden infatuation for this girl. I thought you were engaged to, Ruby Poop you. I was, but I scratched. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Why? What what's wrong? I I wish I hadn't brought that up. Why not? It's all over. Me and Ruby broke our engagement last Saturday night. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that customer. Washed up. How did it happen? Well, I'll tell you. But first, I need some sad music.
Freddie, sad music, please. I said sad. That's pitiful. I wanna tell you something, Adam. Last Saturday night, me and Ruby went to the backstage club. What a gay time we had. We both sat there smoking slamac. Slamac? What's that? Camel spelled backwards. Then what happened? Suddenly, the yorks have broken into a lovely waltz. I grabbed Ruby. I started whirling around the dance floor. Around and around we went. And each time I twirled her around, she got taller. Each time you twirl her, she got taller? Yeah. Ruby's got a wooden leg, and I was turning her the wrong way. Then what happened? Then Ruby started to cry, and then I escorted her to the bench in the corner. I could see her sitting there now. Little Ruby. She had knuckles in her knees, and when she sat down, her knees made a fist.
But why was she crying? Ruby was leaving town the next day. She didn't know how to break the news to me, but she had to go. She had to go, Abbott. She was leaving for Patterson, New Jersey. She was sort of star on her new job. What new job? Slugger for the Broadway Cat Company. You shouldn't have let her go, Costello. I tried my best to stop her. I pleaded with her on my defensive need. I said, Ruby, don't go away or leave me. You'll never find another guy like me, Ruby. Please, Ruby. After all, I'm not a flow. A flow? Yeah. That's whoop. So backwards. I owe And then I held it handily in my arms, and I bent her head back. What a beautiful girl this movie was. Slowly, she opened her big watery eyes.
And looking at me right next to her, she said, hit the road, you bum. Hey, Adam. Did the phone ring while I was out? I'm expecting to call up and touch the tinfoil, my dear. The phone didn't ring. Where have you been? Oh, I went out and bought miss tinfoil some chocolate. Wait a minute, Cartel. Let me see that candy. Yeah. Wait a minute. Those are the biggest pieces of candy I ever saw. What are they? Truffle and covered bananas. Fire. Hey. Pardon me. I gotta answer the phone. The phone didn't ring. Why wait till the last minute? Hey. Yeah. Saves time.
Hello? Hello, you tar. Tar? Yeah. That's rat spelled backwards. Got the same letters. Who you calling a rat? You. So you try to take my girlfriend, Horstance, away from me, Horstance, Homer? Just a minute. You got the wrong party. Oh, change your voice, Homer? Don't try to get me. Hortense told me everything, you wolf. Look. I don't know any Hortense of my name ain't Homer. I'm Luke Costello. Oh, changed your name, Homer? Now look, buddy. You got the wrong number. This is Hillside 2183. Oh, change your number, Homer? Now just a minute. Flying won't help you, Homer. I'm coming over there and rip your red flannels off and horse whoop you till you scream. I don't wear red flannels. I wear PPT.
Oh, change your underwear, Homer. Hey, Abbott. How do you like that guy? Some guy excused me at changing my underwear. That's that. I'm feeling a foul. Well, it's your own fault, Catella. That's all you think about is girls, girls, girls. Don't you ever think of higher things? Yeah. I think of higher things. What are they? Taller girls. Oh. Just a hey. Wait a minute. Just a minute. Is this this tinfoil a tall girl? She's six feet nine. And what a thrill it is to kiss such a tall girl. How could a little shrimp like you kiss such a tall girl? My friends put me up to it. Well, I gotta be going at it. I'm taking this tinfoil to the dance tonight. A dance? That's fine. Wait a minute. Look at your face. Are you going to a dance with those whiskers? I'm gonna dance with this tinfoil. No. No. No. I mean, you've gotta get yourself fixed up. Oh. There. Get your hat. I'm taking you to my barbershop. It's Here. It's right next door. Come on. Let's go. Come on.
[00:08:44] Unknown:
Welcome to the Effie barbershop, Lloyd. The barber isn't here right now. He's across the street getting a shave. Why? Don't he get a shave in his own barbershop? He can't stand the sight of blood. Papa, send me out in here. Oh, no. No. Don't tell. Sit right down here by me. I'm the manicurist, Myrtle Mangofinger.
[00:09:06] Unknown:
Sit down there, Myrtle Mangofinger. Where is the girl? Now sit down there, You need a manicure. I'll say you do. I've been noticing your cuticle. My what? Your cuticle. You ain't so bad yourself.
[00:09:19] Unknown:
You silly boy. Now give me your hand. My, your fingernails remind me of a famous song.
[00:09:26] Unknown:
Pale hands I love? No. Mississippi
[00:09:28] Unknown:
mud. Why don't you keep your hands nice and soft like mine? I dip my hands in a bowl of milk every morning. Don't you have spoons at your house?
[00:09:38] Unknown:
Be quiet, customer. Let the girl fix your nails. Yeah. I'll begin by filing your nails.
[00:09:46] Unknown:
Wait a minute. Cut it up. Cut it up.
[00:09:49] Unknown:
Listen, lady. You're filing through my ring. Alright, Catella. We're in a hurry. Get the give the girl a tip. Come on. Do what? Hit me. Hit me. Okay. You ask for it. Over you go. Oh. Costello, will you be Oh, look, Costello. A g a g sound. Kit of Scratchy Barber Shop. Shave 25 cans if you smile. If you can't, if you don't. Kid, so what's the difference if you smile or not? Because for a long face, I'm charging double. Well, mister tell her why is it I never saw you before in my barbershop? Because I usually get my haircut around the block. Oh, well, I wake up, blackheads too. Will, come, come, come. Sit down. Your neck.
Well, well, well. Okay. Goodness, Trisha. Just look at your hair, mister Castillo. Getting very thin. So what? What's bad hair? The hell of it. Never mind the haircut, kid. Kissela just wants a shave. Yeah. Kissela make it sappy. Can you give me a fair shave? Can I give you a fair shave? I'll sharpen on the x and let you run past it. See, I'll sharpen on the x and let you run past it. I'm killing myself. I'm going into hysterics myself. Alright. Well, Costello, lie back in the chair and let Kitzel shave you. And be careful, Kitzel. Kitzel has a tough beard. Oh, that's alright. I got a tough razor. Do you, do you notice how my razor is taking hold? Yeah. But it ain't letting go again.
Pardon me. Have, you been eating ketchup? No. Then I'm afraid I caught you.
[00:11:55] Unknown:
Never quit. In that mirror. In it. Look at my face.
[00:11:59] Unknown:
You you're not mad, are you? Oh, no. I always wanted a pug nose. CUSTELO, let me see that cut. Is it very deep? I can't I can't tell. So I pulled the laser out. Kids, you better put a towel on the face and and let him get out of here. What did you see right there, CUSTELO? He Costello. Here is a nice wet towel. I am not dead. Kidzel, what's the idea of dropping that hot towel on his face? So what do you want me to do? Burn my bingo? Oh, come on, Costello. You look alright. Now is there anything else you want before we leave here? Have it. What? I'd like to have a glass of water. Hey. What's the matter? Are you thirsty? No. I just wanna see if my face leaks. The EDO time is 01:48.
Now back to Bud and Lou. Hey. Have it. Have it. Have it. What's the matter? I'm already for my date with miss Tinfoil, and I can't find my full dress suit. Oh, there's your full dress suit right there. Because, devil, your kid brother, Sebastian, is wearing it. Sebastian? Yes. Sebastian? Yes. Yes. What are you doing wearing my clothes? You take them off right now. Come on. Take them off. Louis, you you want me to take these clothes off in front of all these people? That's what I said. Take them off. Okay. But that's gonna last like you have pink lace underwear. Sebastian, why don't you wear your own clothes? I cannot, but the neighbor's dog bit me and tore my suit. Where does the dog bite you? Well, if I'd have been wearing a license plate, he'd have got the last three numbers.
Sebastian, your brother has a date tonight now. Take off that suit. Now come on. Take it right off in the water. No. The suit belongs to me. No. It don't. The suit belongs to me. It belongs to me. It belongs to me. It belongs to me. Split decision. Now look what you've done, Sebastian. You're gonna hesitate with a lovely girl tonight. And what do you do? You tore his best suit. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why do you always do these things? Oh, I'm
[00:13:55] Unknown:
my
[00:14:00] Unknown:
bad boy.
[00:14:04] Unknown:
Love, Costello. Why do you have to have a full dress suit? Because I'm taking mist and foil to a desk. The cockroaches grow. A dance? Yeah. You dummy. Do you wanna lose the girl? You don't know how to dance. I don't know how to dance. You don't. That's all my thought I ever thought he was dance steps. No. No. No. No. How come your father taught you nothing but dance steps? She was my step product. I oh. Look, Costello. What kind of what kind of dancing do you do? Come on. I I do the shimmy. The shimmy. The shimmy. The shimmy is a back number. You said it. I I mean, the shimmy started way back. I can stop mine from any place.
Costello, I am talking about modern dances. Do you remember? Do I what? Do you remember? Only when I eat radishes. I no. No. You see, that bruise you know nothing about, Dan. Oh, yeah. Well, I come from a family of dancers. My aunt Annie, that's my uncle Artie Stepan's wife there, she she was a great balloon dancer on a stage. She used to have them rolling in the aisles. Her audience? No. Her balloons. Listen, Costello. I am not going to let you make a fool of yourself with miss tinfoil tonight. Now there's a dancing teacher right in this building in the apartment across the hall. Come on. Come on with me. I'll take across there. Here's the apartment, Costello. Yeah. There's a sign on the door. Madam Uchi Makuchi, dancing teacher.
[00:15:18] Unknown:
Well, well, well, come on, buddy. You're just in time for the evening dance class. Oh, come on, fat boy. I'm really in the groove.
[00:15:27] Unknown:
You should be covered over. Quiet, Cassello.
[00:15:32] Unknown:
Madam Acucci, how much do you charge for dancing, Les? There are my prices right up there on the wall for all dollars or less. Well, fellas, how do you get your prices so high? I sit on a chair.
[00:15:45] Unknown:
Oh, I'm gonna clip this thing. Never mind that, CUSTOM. You need the lesson. Not as bad as I need the $4.
[00:15:54] Unknown:
Oh, now now, mister Castello, come here. Now you put your arm around me, and I'll put my arm around you. Come out. There. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come
[00:16:05] Unknown:
out. Come out I always wear my tongue hanging over my shoulder.
[00:16:11] Unknown:
Castello, please pay attention. Yes. Now get ready for the lesson. When the music plays, you dance. When the whistle blows, the lesson is over. Oh, I just love to dance. Oh, I was born dancing. And if you don't get off my feet, you're gonna die the same way, lady. Now get out. Catella, would you quit the clowning? Now let's go. Remember when the whistle blows, the lesson is over. Ready? Position.
[00:16:38] Unknown:
Music.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
Madam Acucci, please, play no attention to him. You'd better show him a few more steps. Oh, very well. Let's try it. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run falling down. Please wait. Your pants are falling down. Why are you singing?
[00:17:37] Unknown:
Oh,
[00:17:39] Unknown:
for help. Oh, why did you tell a guy that that but wait a minute. Wait a minute. Maybe you better teach him some fancy dancing. Oh, wonderful.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Splendid.
[00:17:49] Unknown:
How about the ballet dancing? Ballet dancing? Where? How about what? Capsella, haven't you ever tried ballet dancing? No. I was just on my feet. How are you gonna dance on your ass? Quiet, please.
[00:18:00] Unknown:
After all. I I have an aisle to eat cocktail of the Adagio.
[00:18:05] Unknown:
The what? The Adagio. I danced with lullaby, people. Don't
[00:18:10] Unknown:
Don't you know what an audacio dance is?
[00:18:13] Unknown:
A audacio dance? Yes. That's from way back. Further than that, go ahead. Continue. Yes. Thank you ever so much for finding it for me. Yes. That's where a woman do you back your dear, T? Yeah. You don't want to, don't you? Oh, I do. Well, you must know what I'm doing. Of course I do. That's where a woman runs. Stay with me. I'll get it. That's where a woman runs and throws herself at a man, and he catches her by whatever joint happens to be passing at the time.
[00:18:55] Unknown:
That's right. Now I'm going to get back here and run and jump in your arm. Ready? Here I come.
[00:19:14] Unknown:
That fellow, you didn't catch her. Why did you step aside? I know we step aside to let a lady go by. Oh, but she she Oh, I knew you'd be back. How did you know? You forgot your proof. Hello? Yes. Yes. He's here. Cassello. Hey. It's for you. It's miss Tinfoil. Oh, my dreamboat is miss Tinfoil. Give me the phone. Hello, miss Tinfoil? I'm over here taking a dance and a lesson for our date tonight. But Lou, honey, I've got bad news for you. I won't be able to go out with you tonight. Won't be able to go out with me. Why not? I'm getting mad tonight,
[00:20:08] Unknown:
but I'll go out with you tomorrow night. It's okay. Tell her, Lola.
[00:20:17] Unknown:
The night for everybody. Well, cut the hell. It looks like he's lost in tinfoil. But don't feel too badly. Yeah. I guess tinfoil wasn't worth saving. But don't forget, cut the hell. Don't forget, little, true happiness is found in nature. The flowers and the trees, the birds and their young, the bees and their honey. Yeah. And the cats and their honey. Yeah. Costello. Cats don't have honey. Oh, no? Then why does my cat stay up till 04:00 in the morning? Oh, good night, folks.
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[00:00:28] Unknown:
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Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. But why are you so happy? Why am I happy at it? Yeah. Good news. Set myself a new girl. Beautiful girl. What do you mean? What a dish. I'd call her my little firecracker. Firecracker? Yeah. She's got red hair and bangs. And let her do have it? Now Not just in a cuddle. You say your new girlfriend has red hair and, is she teaching?
What? Is your girl teaching? What do you think she is? A baby? She grew with teaching. She's got all of teaching. No. No. No. No. No. You tell me I'm talking about teaching hair. Piece and hair is red. Piece and hair is red? Personally. Her hair may be red, but her piece is white. She's precious, have piece every day with a toothbrush, patient. Well, look, I look, I said I'm talking about your girlfriend's hair. Does she wave her hair? That's a very silly question. Now what's silly about it? Did you ever see my wife waving her hair? No. But I saw her shaking it out the window. Yeah.
Alright. Alright. Alright. Let's drop it. I saw her do that too. And her teeth went out with it. Well, look, Costello. By the way, who is this new girlfriend of yours? Where did you meet her? Abbott. Her name is Hesse Tinfoil. Tinfoil? I'm more wrapped up in this kid. Oh, cut it out. Where where did you meet this, Tessie Tinfoil? I met her in a private Tesla store. She works there. She works in a five and ten? Yes. She works at two counters. She sings at the music counter, and she sells perfume at the perfume counter. Hey. I'd like to meet her. Well, just walk in the store anytime. If you hear anything or smell anything, that's her. Hey, Godzilla. Have you had a date with this, Tessie tinfoil? Oh, sure. I had a date with her last night, Abbott. I took it at Griffith Park. I lit a lantern, and we sat there spooning. You lit a lantern to spoon? That's ridiculous. When I was courting my wife, I never used a lantern. I know. And look what you got.
I tell her you you can't talk ugly about my Betty. She's a very beautiful woman. She has eyes as big as soft. Yeah. And underneath, she has cups of match. Hell, you better not let my wife hear you say that. She's a very proud woman. In fact, she's very hoity toity. She may be hoity, but she'll ever see toity again. Thank you. Now, fella, please leave my wife out of this. We were talking about miss tinfoil. Are you serious about this girl or is it just puppy love? I think it's puppy love. How do you know? Of course, her nose is always cold and damp. But, touching tinfoil is the most beautiful girl ever I ever saw. You mean she's really pretty? She's more than pretty. She's different.
You know, how Mel Oberon's eyes have that beautiful oriental slant? Yes. Well, touchy's ears slant the same way. Look, that fella, I can't understand your sudden infatuation for this girl. I thought you were engaged to, Ruby Poop you. I was, but I scratched. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Why? What what's wrong? I I wish I hadn't brought that up. Why not? It's all over. Me and Ruby broke our engagement last Saturday night. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that customer. Washed up. How did it happen? Well, I'll tell you. But first, I need some sad music.
Freddie, sad music, please. I said sad. That's pitiful. I wanna tell you something, Adam. Last Saturday night, me and Ruby went to the backstage club. What a gay time we had. We both sat there smoking slamac. Slamac? What's that? Camel spelled backwards. Then what happened? Suddenly, the yorks have broken into a lovely waltz. I grabbed Ruby. I started whirling around the dance floor. Around and around we went. And each time I twirled her around, she got taller. Each time you twirl her, she got taller? Yeah. Ruby's got a wooden leg, and I was turning her the wrong way. Then what happened? Then Ruby started to cry, and then I escorted her to the bench in the corner. I could see her sitting there now. Little Ruby. She had knuckles in her knees, and when she sat down, her knees made a fist.
But why was she crying? Ruby was leaving town the next day. She didn't know how to break the news to me, but she had to go. She had to go, Abbott. She was leaving for Patterson, New Jersey. She was sort of star on her new job. What new job? Slugger for the Broadway Cat Company. You shouldn't have let her go, Costello. I tried my best to stop her. I pleaded with her on my defensive need. I said, Ruby, don't go away or leave me. You'll never find another guy like me, Ruby. Please, Ruby. After all, I'm not a flow. A flow? Yeah. That's whoop. So backwards. I owe And then I held it handily in my arms, and I bent her head back. What a beautiful girl this movie was. Slowly, she opened her big watery eyes.
And looking at me right next to her, she said, hit the road, you bum. Hey, Adam. Did the phone ring while I was out? I'm expecting to call up and touch the tinfoil, my dear. The phone didn't ring. Where have you been? Oh, I went out and bought miss tinfoil some chocolate. Wait a minute, Cartel. Let me see that candy. Yeah. Wait a minute. Those are the biggest pieces of candy I ever saw. What are they? Truffle and covered bananas. Fire. Hey. Pardon me. I gotta answer the phone. The phone didn't ring. Why wait till the last minute? Hey. Yeah. Saves time.
Hello? Hello, you tar. Tar? Yeah. That's rat spelled backwards. Got the same letters. Who you calling a rat? You. So you try to take my girlfriend, Horstance, away from me, Horstance, Homer? Just a minute. You got the wrong party. Oh, change your voice, Homer? Don't try to get me. Hortense told me everything, you wolf. Look. I don't know any Hortense of my name ain't Homer. I'm Luke Costello. Oh, changed your name, Homer? Now look, buddy. You got the wrong number. This is Hillside 2183. Oh, change your number, Homer? Now just a minute. Flying won't help you, Homer. I'm coming over there and rip your red flannels off and horse whoop you till you scream. I don't wear red flannels. I wear PPT.
Oh, change your underwear, Homer. Hey, Abbott. How do you like that guy? Some guy excused me at changing my underwear. That's that. I'm feeling a foul. Well, it's your own fault, Catella. That's all you think about is girls, girls, girls. Don't you ever think of higher things? Yeah. I think of higher things. What are they? Taller girls. Oh. Just a hey. Wait a minute. Just a minute. Is this this tinfoil a tall girl? She's six feet nine. And what a thrill it is to kiss such a tall girl. How could a little shrimp like you kiss such a tall girl? My friends put me up to it. Well, I gotta be going at it. I'm taking this tinfoil to the dance tonight. A dance? That's fine. Wait a minute. Look at your face. Are you going to a dance with those whiskers? I'm gonna dance with this tinfoil. No. No. No. I mean, you've gotta get yourself fixed up. Oh. There. Get your hat. I'm taking you to my barbershop. It's Here. It's right next door. Come on. Let's go. Come on.
[00:08:44] Unknown:
Welcome to the Effie barbershop, Lloyd. The barber isn't here right now. He's across the street getting a shave. Why? Don't he get a shave in his own barbershop? He can't stand the sight of blood. Papa, send me out in here. Oh, no. No. Don't tell. Sit right down here by me. I'm the manicurist, Myrtle Mangofinger.
[00:09:06] Unknown:
Sit down there, Myrtle Mangofinger. Where is the girl? Now sit down there, You need a manicure. I'll say you do. I've been noticing your cuticle. My what? Your cuticle. You ain't so bad yourself.
[00:09:19] Unknown:
You silly boy. Now give me your hand. My, your fingernails remind me of a famous song.
[00:09:26] Unknown:
Pale hands I love? No. Mississippi
[00:09:28] Unknown:
mud. Why don't you keep your hands nice and soft like mine? I dip my hands in a bowl of milk every morning. Don't you have spoons at your house?
[00:09:38] Unknown:
Be quiet, customer. Let the girl fix your nails. Yeah. I'll begin by filing your nails.
[00:09:46] Unknown:
Wait a minute. Cut it up. Cut it up.
[00:09:49] Unknown:
Listen, lady. You're filing through my ring. Alright, Catella. We're in a hurry. Get the give the girl a tip. Come on. Do what? Hit me. Hit me. Okay. You ask for it. Over you go. Oh. Costello, will you be Oh, look, Costello. A g a g sound. Kit of Scratchy Barber Shop. Shave 25 cans if you smile. If you can't, if you don't. Kid, so what's the difference if you smile or not? Because for a long face, I'm charging double. Well, mister tell her why is it I never saw you before in my barbershop? Because I usually get my haircut around the block. Oh, well, I wake up, blackheads too. Will, come, come, come. Sit down. Your neck.
Well, well, well. Okay. Goodness, Trisha. Just look at your hair, mister Castillo. Getting very thin. So what? What's bad hair? The hell of it. Never mind the haircut, kid. Kissela just wants a shave. Yeah. Kissela make it sappy. Can you give me a fair shave? Can I give you a fair shave? I'll sharpen on the x and let you run past it. See, I'll sharpen on the x and let you run past it. I'm killing myself. I'm going into hysterics myself. Alright. Well, Costello, lie back in the chair and let Kitzel shave you. And be careful, Kitzel. Kitzel has a tough beard. Oh, that's alright. I got a tough razor. Do you, do you notice how my razor is taking hold? Yeah. But it ain't letting go again.
Pardon me. Have, you been eating ketchup? No. Then I'm afraid I caught you.
[00:11:55] Unknown:
Never quit. In that mirror. In it. Look at my face.
[00:11:59] Unknown:
You you're not mad, are you? Oh, no. I always wanted a pug nose. CUSTELO, let me see that cut. Is it very deep? I can't I can't tell. So I pulled the laser out. Kids, you better put a towel on the face and and let him get out of here. What did you see right there, CUSTELO? He Costello. Here is a nice wet towel. I am not dead. Kidzel, what's the idea of dropping that hot towel on his face? So what do you want me to do? Burn my bingo? Oh, come on, Costello. You look alright. Now is there anything else you want before we leave here? Have it. What? I'd like to have a glass of water. Hey. What's the matter? Are you thirsty? No. I just wanna see if my face leaks. The EDO time is 01:48.
Now back to Bud and Lou. Hey. Have it. Have it. Have it. What's the matter? I'm already for my date with miss Tinfoil, and I can't find my full dress suit. Oh, there's your full dress suit right there. Because, devil, your kid brother, Sebastian, is wearing it. Sebastian? Yes. Sebastian? Yes. Yes. What are you doing wearing my clothes? You take them off right now. Come on. Take them off. Louis, you you want me to take these clothes off in front of all these people? That's what I said. Take them off. Okay. But that's gonna last like you have pink lace underwear. Sebastian, why don't you wear your own clothes? I cannot, but the neighbor's dog bit me and tore my suit. Where does the dog bite you? Well, if I'd have been wearing a license plate, he'd have got the last three numbers.
Sebastian, your brother has a date tonight now. Take off that suit. Now come on. Take it right off in the water. No. The suit belongs to me. No. It don't. The suit belongs to me. It belongs to me. It belongs to me. It belongs to me. Split decision. Now look what you've done, Sebastian. You're gonna hesitate with a lovely girl tonight. And what do you do? You tore his best suit. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why do you always do these things? Oh, I'm
[00:13:55] Unknown:
my
[00:14:00] Unknown:
bad boy.
[00:14:04] Unknown:
Love, Costello. Why do you have to have a full dress suit? Because I'm taking mist and foil to a desk. The cockroaches grow. A dance? Yeah. You dummy. Do you wanna lose the girl? You don't know how to dance. I don't know how to dance. You don't. That's all my thought I ever thought he was dance steps. No. No. No. No. How come your father taught you nothing but dance steps? She was my step product. I oh. Look, Costello. What kind of what kind of dancing do you do? Come on. I I do the shimmy. The shimmy. The shimmy. The shimmy is a back number. You said it. I I mean, the shimmy started way back. I can stop mine from any place.
Costello, I am talking about modern dances. Do you remember? Do I what? Do you remember? Only when I eat radishes. I no. No. You see, that bruise you know nothing about, Dan. Oh, yeah. Well, I come from a family of dancers. My aunt Annie, that's my uncle Artie Stepan's wife there, she she was a great balloon dancer on a stage. She used to have them rolling in the aisles. Her audience? No. Her balloons. Listen, Costello. I am not going to let you make a fool of yourself with miss tinfoil tonight. Now there's a dancing teacher right in this building in the apartment across the hall. Come on. Come on with me. I'll take across there. Here's the apartment, Costello. Yeah. There's a sign on the door. Madam Uchi Makuchi, dancing teacher.
[00:15:18] Unknown:
Well, well, well, come on, buddy. You're just in time for the evening dance class. Oh, come on, fat boy. I'm really in the groove.
[00:15:27] Unknown:
You should be covered over. Quiet, Cassello.
[00:15:32] Unknown:
Madam Acucci, how much do you charge for dancing, Les? There are my prices right up there on the wall for all dollars or less. Well, fellas, how do you get your prices so high? I sit on a chair.
[00:15:45] Unknown:
Oh, I'm gonna clip this thing. Never mind that, CUSTOM. You need the lesson. Not as bad as I need the $4.
[00:15:54] Unknown:
Oh, now now, mister Castello, come here. Now you put your arm around me, and I'll put my arm around you. Come out. There. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come
[00:16:05] Unknown:
out. Come out I always wear my tongue hanging over my shoulder.
[00:16:11] Unknown:
Castello, please pay attention. Yes. Now get ready for the lesson. When the music plays, you dance. When the whistle blows, the lesson is over. Oh, I just love to dance. Oh, I was born dancing. And if you don't get off my feet, you're gonna die the same way, lady. Now get out. Catella, would you quit the clowning? Now let's go. Remember when the whistle blows, the lesson is over. Ready? Position.
[00:16:38] Unknown:
Music.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
Madam Acucci, please, play no attention to him. You'd better show him a few more steps. Oh, very well. Let's try it. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run it out. Run falling down. Please wait. Your pants are falling down. Why are you singing?
[00:17:37] Unknown:
Oh,
[00:17:39] Unknown:
for help. Oh, why did you tell a guy that that but wait a minute. Wait a minute. Maybe you better teach him some fancy dancing. Oh, wonderful.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Splendid.
[00:17:49] Unknown:
How about the ballet dancing? Ballet dancing? Where? How about what? Capsella, haven't you ever tried ballet dancing? No. I was just on my feet. How are you gonna dance on your ass? Quiet, please.
[00:18:00] Unknown:
After all. I I have an aisle to eat cocktail of the Adagio.
[00:18:05] Unknown:
The what? The Adagio. I danced with lullaby, people. Don't
[00:18:10] Unknown:
Don't you know what an audacio dance is?
[00:18:13] Unknown:
A audacio dance? Yes. That's from way back. Further than that, go ahead. Continue. Yes. Thank you ever so much for finding it for me. Yes. That's where a woman do you back your dear, T? Yeah. You don't want to, don't you? Oh, I do. Well, you must know what I'm doing. Of course I do. That's where a woman runs. Stay with me. I'll get it. That's where a woman runs and throws herself at a man, and he catches her by whatever joint happens to be passing at the time.
[00:18:55] Unknown:
That's right. Now I'm going to get back here and run and jump in your arm. Ready? Here I come.
[00:19:14] Unknown:
That fellow, you didn't catch her. Why did you step aside? I know we step aside to let a lady go by. Oh, but she she Oh, I knew you'd be back. How did you know? You forgot your proof. Hello? Yes. Yes. He's here. Cassello. Hey. It's for you. It's miss Tinfoil. Oh, my dreamboat is miss Tinfoil. Give me the phone. Hello, miss Tinfoil? I'm over here taking a dance and a lesson for our date tonight. But Lou, honey, I've got bad news for you. I won't be able to go out with you tonight. Won't be able to go out with me. Why not? I'm getting mad tonight,
[00:20:08] Unknown:
but I'll go out with you tomorrow night. It's okay. Tell her, Lola.
[00:20:17] Unknown:
The night for everybody. Well, cut the hell. It looks like he's lost in tinfoil. But don't feel too badly. Yeah. I guess tinfoil wasn't worth saving. But don't forget, cut the hell. Don't forget, little, true happiness is found in nature. The flowers and the trees, the birds and their young, the bees and their honey. Yeah. And the cats and their honey. Yeah. Costello. Cats don't have honey. Oh, no? Then why does my cat stay up till 04:00 in the morning? Oh, good night, folks.
