In this lively episode, Ryan brings a touch of humor and light-hearted banter to brighten your day. He shares his enthusiasm for Chumba Casino, a platform offering free social casino-style games with daily bonuses, perfect for adding a spark to mundane routines. The episode takes a comedic turn with a series of sketches featuring characters like Uncle Mike and Abbott, delivering a mix of witty dialogues and hilarious misunderstandings. From hospital visits to humorous takes on love and marriage, the episode is packed with laughter and entertainment.
The comedic sketches continue with Costello's antics, including a humorous exchange about polygamy and monogamy, and a playful misunderstanding involving mahogany and Miami. The episode also features a comedic storyline with Costello's new girlfriend, honeysuckle Epstein, and a humorous encounter with Lon Chaney. The episode wraps up with a series of funny exchanges and Costello's attempts to navigate his love life, leaving listeners with a smile and a lighter heart.
(00:00) Introduction and Brightening Your Day
(01:10) Hospital Visits and Family Antics
(03:22) Love, Relationships, and Misunderstandings
(06:02) Comedic Banter and Wordplay
(09:01) Costello's New Girl and Romantic Misadventures
(12:02) Confrontation with Lon Chaney
(16:00) Disguises and Deception
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:00:31] Unknown:
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[00:00:35] Unknown:
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[00:01:10] Unknown:
Here I am, Godzilla. Tell me, where have you been? I've been over to see uncle Mike. He's been in the hospital for the last ten days. And Abbot, he's got a nurse with a beautiful blonde hair, blue eyes, and the most gorgeous figure. I've been to the hospital every day. How is uncle Mike? I don't know. I'm gonna see him tomorrow. How can you be such a colossal idiot? On this show, we only want the best. My my grandfather's in the hospital too, Evan. He's a hundred and five years old. He is. Yes. The nurse feeds him bourbon for breakfast, bourbon for lunch, and bourbon for dinner. Jason? Yes. But at his age, he's too old to catch her. Customer, when are you when are you going to stop being an idiot and start demanding to something?
Oh, I think starting tomorrow, I'm gonna train to fight Joe Walcott. Joe Walcott. Don't make me laugh. Joe Walcott. Walcott has muscles. I got muscles. Walcott's got stamina. I got stamina. Walcott's got six kids. I got muscles. I Stop saying, why don't you save your money and get into the stock market? Did you ever buy grain in New York or sell barley in Chicago? No. But I sold some wild oats in Glendale. Oh, that's still I think you'll be a loafer all your life. Nobody would hire you. Oh, I had a job last week at Republic working for Gene Autry, but I got fired. Why? I forgot the tune is guitar and the Indians killed him.
Graciela. I'm happy. Graciela. I'm happy. Graciela. I'm happy. Graciela. I'm happy. I know. I know. I know. I'm kidding you say. How do you feel tonight? Lousy. Right? Boy, you were just saying that you were happy. Oh, yes. I am, Abbot. I just met a very gorgeous girl. I think I'm in love. Love you, darling. You don't even know what love is. Abbot, love is like a poker game. It starts out with a pair. He's got to have Jack or better. She gets a plush. He shows diamond, and they end up with a full house. Yeah. Sometimes with a joker in the middle.
Stella, I don't believe you've got a new girl. No. No girl would have anything to do with it. Oh, but I got plenty of girls. My trouble is get rid of them. When I get rid of one, another will pops up. When I get rid of her, another will pops up. It's like jumping from the frying pan into the arms of Jane Russell. That's that's jumping from the frying pan into the fire, my friend. You jump where you like, and I'll jump where I like. You know, you wanna be careful, Cassello. This is leap year. It's leap year, you know, you may get trapped. Leap year is different. Why? Why? Well, hell, it's the year when a woman proposes to a man. The woman makes up the man's mind for him. That's different. Now wait a minute.
Castell of June is a month for marriage, But, you don't have to worry. Very few girls would marry you. Very few would be enough. One at a time. In parenthesis, mad. How many girls do you think I need, Abbot? Do you want me to get arrested for trigonometry? No. No. No. Not trigonometry. When a man has several wives, it's, polygamy. When he has two wives, that's bigamy. Do you know what it is when a man has one wife? That's my not fat. No. No. Not monotony. Not monotony. Monogamy. Do you know what monogamy is? I got a table made out of that stuff. Solid monogamy. You mean mahogany.
Oh, no. That's the name of the guy that showed me the table. Patrick Mahogany. No. That isn't that isn't mahogany. It's Patrick Mahoney. You understand Mahoney. Mahoney is the name of the song. Mahoney don't tell my mammy. Oh, I've been there, Abbott. You've been where? My mammy, Florida. No. No. No. Miami, Florida. That's Miami. That's what I clean my sink with. You mean, Banamey? Banamey. Who? Vaname. Vaname. Now you're back to the songs again. What song? Vaname. That's why you must have had a tough life. Oh, yes, sir. We live next to the YWCA. In every wash day, my mother would blindfold me. What's what's tough about that? You know, I was 25 years old before I found out that horses weren't the only ones that wore halters. Halters.
Speaking of horses, Abbot, how was your wife?
[00:06:05] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Constell. I said it for you to hear. One more crack like that, and I'll lower your bicycle seat so your rompers get caught in the sprocket.
[00:06:15] Unknown:
How dare you insult my wife, Costello, why she's beautiful? Just just look at her. I am looking at her. Missus Abbott, when I look at your left eye, I keep wondering. Wondering what? Wondering what your left eye has that makes your right eye keep looking at it. Oh, my funny lady.
[00:06:40] Unknown:
Oh, you bloated magpie. Pie. You should talk about my eyes. I'm afraid look at your eyes. Why are you afraid? I'm afraid a baby kangaroo might jump out of one of those pouches. I know.
[00:06:51] Unknown:
Don't get up with that one fast, guys. Don't like Castellavagliani. Feeling a bit spring fever. He met a new girl, and he's thinking of getting married. Getting married? Uh-huh.
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Uh-huh. Oh, what a picture. Beauty and the blimp.
[00:07:15] Unknown:
Oh, goodbye. Oh, goodbye. Goodbye to you, missus Abbott, and 33 Hey, Cassella. That's 23 When you get her age, it takes longer to skidoo. Oh, good Oh, what the fuck? Wait a minute. Hey. Hey. Hey. Who are you whistling at, Costello? That pretty girl in the front row. Well, you can't get a girl by whistling. One time I got two girls that way. You got two girls by whistling? I had a split lip. How did you get the split lip? Two girls were with a cop. I'm surprised your actions, Will. I always thought you were bashful. Well, I used to be bashful at it. When When I was born, I stayed in bed for a whole year. I didn't even talk to my mother. Why do you always act so stupid? Well, I have to because to make you look good.
Well, now wait. And when you came in here tonight, you told me that you had a new girl. Have you been out with her yet? Have I been out with her yet? Mhmm. I, oh, sure. Last night, we sat on our front porch. I wanted to kiss about her father was home. Well, does her father object to kissing? I don't know. I didn't try to kiss her father. Did you take her anywhere? Oh, yes. I took her out to eat. It was a slow restaurant habit. That's where I got us got this jacket. I took it off the hook by mistake. I wish I had a pair of pants to match it. Why did you get some? Nobody hangs up pants in a restaurant.
[00:08:57] Unknown:
Well, well, hello there. How are you?
[00:09:02] Unknown:
Yeah. But get a load of this beautiful girl.
[00:09:05] Unknown:
Honey, child, haven't I seen you somewhere before? Why are you so that high? Weren't you at Seals last Saturday night wearing a strapless low cut evening gown? Uh-huh. And it had a fair midriff? Uh-huh. And the dress didn't have no back to it? Uh-huh.
[00:09:20] Unknown:
I knew I'd seen your face someplace before. Why you silly, silly little old boy? One silly is enough. Don't pass your pot.
[00:09:34] Unknown:
But I'm the girl you were out with last night. Evan, it's my new girl, honeysuckle Epstein.
[00:09:42] Unknown:
I'm very pleased to meet you, honeysuckle. Are you the new girlfriend that Gastel has been talking about? Yes.
[00:09:48] Unknown:
Yeah. Yes. I I sure am. And, Costello, honey, when you didn't call me today to make a date, I I just went all the pieces.
[00:09:57] Unknown:
Well, whoever put you back together again sure did a nice job. Honeysuckle, I'm crazy about you. Everywhere I go, I see your face. All night long, your face is before me. I stand asleep. Why not? I'm ashamed to have you see me in my pajamas.
[00:10:17] Unknown:
Oh, you ought to stoke you. I'm gonna kiss you. Come here. Kiss me again. Alright. Kiss
[00:10:36] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:10:42] Unknown:
Oh. Why are you crying when I kiss you?
[00:10:45] Unknown:
You're standing on my foot.
[00:10:52] Unknown:
Honey, Michael, are you are you and me going out tonight? Well, I know. That that's when I came over to tell you Costello, honey, Tom. Tonight, I have a date with Lam Taney. Lam Kenny? Uh-huh. He can't cut me out. I'll break every bone in his body. I'll tear him the ribbon. I'll feed him for a puff. But but but but I kinda try. Lam Kenny is six foot four. And don't forget, he's a wolf man. What do you say now? Well, have fun.
[00:11:32] Unknown:
Well, Catello, it looks like you're going to lose your new girlfriend, honeysuckle, to Lon Chaney. Step back out with him tonight. Oh, it's that Lon Chaney. Stealing my girl. How tall that guy woulda head in? Oh, you're getting awful tough all of a sudden. Well, I haven't I've been taking those physical cultures from Charles Atlas by mail. You have? Let me see your muscles. Let me see your muscles. I don't get the muscles until next week. But I'm plenty tough. That Lon Chaney don't scare me. I'd like to see that Lon Chaney walk through that door right now. Alright. Tell him where to get off.
[00:12:02] Unknown:
Hello, Alan. I'm Lon Chaney. Listen, Costello. Did I hear you just say that you were gonna tell me where to get off? Yes, Jenny.
[00:12:21] Unknown:
I'm gonna tell you where to get off. Where do you live? Right here in Hollywood. Well, you get off at Hollywood Vine.
[00:12:30] Unknown:
I tell her, don't you get fresh with me. Remember one thing.
[00:12:37] Unknown:
I am the wolf man. Yes, Costello. When the sun goes down, turns into a wolf. Him and 5,000,000 other guys. Him and 5,000,001 other guy. That's you. I know. Kenny, you better your fear. I put a thought through you the hard way. What do you mean? No. Far away. Push it through. I'll cut it out, Gautela. You aren't. Oh, oh, no. Lon Chaney. See my fist? What do you think of it? Dirty, ain't it? Chaney, the last guy I had a fight with is in the hospital, and he'll be there for the next two years. Yeah. Who is? Young doctor Malone. You don't graduate till 1950.
[00:13:34] Unknown:
Listen, you little start off rent. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna bite your head off and chew it up and swallow it. You do. You'll have more brains in your stomach than you got in your skull.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
No. I got brains I haven't used yet. Well, don't let them go to your head, Lou. You shouldn't you shouldn't be you shouldn't be jealous of of Castellan. Oh, I don't know, Abbot. When it comes to women, I'm a little stiff competition.
[00:14:12] Unknown:
You may be a little stiff, but you ain't no competition.
[00:14:18] Unknown:
He's got better writers than me. I don't like your altitude. What? Your attitude. Yeah. I was higher up on the other one, wasn't I? I don't like your attitude, Cheney. You keep away from honeysuckle Epstein. I'm warning you to withdraw.
[00:14:36] Unknown:
And suppose I don't wanna withdraw? Then I withdraw my warning.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
I don't fight, boy. Let's settle this thing peacefully.
[00:14:50] Unknown:
I just wanna say one thing, Abbot. Listen, Costello. Be smart, fat boy. Stay away from honeysuckle.
[00:14:59] Unknown:
What's the matter, Cheney? Aren't there any other girls in your life? Yeah.
[00:15:03] Unknown:
But there ain't any life in my other girl.
[00:15:13] Unknown:
There wasn't any life in that joke either.
[00:15:19] Unknown:
I can't stand anymore of you. Mister Abbott, will you do me a favor, sir? Lon, anything for you, mister Jamie? Well, drop by Honeystalker's house. Here's her address. Tell her that I won't be able to keep my date tonight. I've got to work with you too. You bet I will, Jamie.
[00:15:32] Unknown:
Hey. Yeah. You got a pretty fancy name. What do people call you, Lan or Chaney?
[00:15:38] Unknown:
Well, some people call me Lon, other people call me Chaney. But my friend called me Junior.
[00:15:56] Unknown:
Oh, I'm on my way, Abbot. I'm off to see honeysuckle Epstein. We need you can't go on that day tonight. You got no money. Well, I'll stop at my uncle Mike's house to borrow some. He's loaded. He just sold us some. What did he invent? A cake of soap, eight feet long and six feet wide. A cake of soap a cake of soap, eight feet long and six feet wide. Yes. How can you pick it up to lather yourself? You don't pick it up. You just sit on it and slide up and down. Well, I've got her address as long as you insist on seeing her. Let's go over to the house. Got here fast, didn't we?
Come on, Gastel. Here's Hudson's Suckers apart. My name is right on the door.
[00:16:38] Unknown:
Well, it's my little old honey child boyfriend, Costello. Would you all tell me?
[00:16:45] Unknown:
Honeysuckle, honey child, little old. You look lovely tonight. That's a goshiest dress you're wearing. Oh, it's just no mother Hubbard. Mother Hubbard? Yeah. Yeah. Don't look now, but your cupboard is bad.
[00:17:00] Unknown:
Kinda, Carccella. You all is gonna leave now. I got a date with Lon Chaney, and he's very, very jealous of me. If he catches you here, he's gonna be awful mad. Oh, no. Honeysuckle, mister Chaney stopped off at the studio and asked me to come over and tell you that he can't keep his date. He has to work tonight. Oh, well, in that case, what do you think we ought to do this evening?
[00:17:21] Unknown:
Let's neck. Wait a minute, Costello. You you you forget that I'm here. Yeah. But I only neck with curls. I
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Oh, there's somebody at the door. Who is it?
[00:17:33] Unknown:
Honey, sucker. It's me. I didn't have to work tonight. After all, may I
[00:17:41] Unknown:
Uh-huh. Honey, sucker, we've gotta do something. If I'm seeing any fines costella here, he'll he'll murder him. I know what to do.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Just a minute, Lauren, honey. I'm baking a cake.
[00:17:51] Unknown:
I'm the cake, and if he gets in here, he'll crack my frosting.
[00:17:56] Unknown:
Now now, Costella, here's what we're gonna do. You go in my bedroom, pull on one of my dresses, and I'll introduce you as miss Abbot's girlfriend.
[00:18:06] Unknown:
Come on, Costello. Into the bedroom. I'll help you get dressed. Hurry up. Alright. Take it easy. Alright, Costello. Get into these things here. Quick. What's this thing? Put this on first. What is it? Looks like a slingshot. That's a girdle. That's a girdle. It's a two way stretch. No. Good for me. I stretch four weeks. Oh, stop now. Flip the stretch over your head. That's it. Alright. Now let's go.
[00:18:27] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:18:28] Unknown:
Hello, bud? What are you doing over there? I just brought my girlfriend over the line. I'd like to I'd like you to meet her. Her name is miss,
[00:18:37] Unknown:
my name is Lula Castellano.
[00:18:39] Unknown:
Oh, yes. Yes.
[00:18:41] Unknown:
Well, shut my mouth. I all from South Patterson, New Jersey. Shut my mouth. You all.
[00:18:51] Unknown:
Yes, sir. Well, I'm just glad to meet you. Say, honey, Taco, put on some of that music on the Victorian. We have a dance. Get out some of that romantic stuff like hold that tiger.
[00:19:03] Unknown:
But hold that tiger isn't romantic. It is to another tiger.
[00:19:08] Unknown:
I thought I'd dance with miss Abbott, and and you guys with Lou. Oh, no. Now wait a minute.
[00:19:15] Unknown:
Okay. Come into my arm, be proud. You see?
[00:19:20] Unknown:
Oh, I'm not so proud.
[00:19:26] Unknown:
Ain't no beauty either.
[00:19:32] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:19:34] Unknown:
How about go ahead, loud, honey. Now now you just dance with Lulu, and I'll go out and see how my cake is coming along. But I think I'd I I'd better cancel mister Abbott. He's the man that brought me.
[00:19:46] Unknown:
Oh, oh, curse nurse. That's alright, Lulu. I'm not jealous. Go ahead and dance with us, mister Danny. Go ahead. It's alright. You rat. You rat rabbit.
[00:19:56] Unknown:
Rat? Come on, Lula. Let's cut a rug. Lula, dear. What was that noise?
[00:20:07] Unknown:
That was my daughter. It's a long pull from my girdle to my body top. Well, you two seem to be getting along fine. I think I'll go out in the kitchen with honeysuckle. Yeah. I'm back here. Come here.
[00:20:27] Unknown:
Lulu, at last, we're alone. Let me crush you in my arm.
[00:20:33] Unknown:
Mother told me that'd be nice like this.
[00:20:37] Unknown:
What is the matter with you, Lulu? Have you no warmth? What do you think this is?
[00:20:43] Unknown:
Puppy love? It must be your nose is cold.
[00:20:51] Unknown:
Please, Lulu. Please. Please, Lulu. Can't you see the light of love burning in my eyes? As I draw you to me, don't you feel a spark of fire?
[00:21:01] Unknown:
Yes. I do feel a spark in the fire. Is it love? No. Yes. Cigar was picking in my ear.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
You can't deny me any longer, Lulu. Let me kiss you. No. No. Not today, Lon. Please, Lulu. Just one little kiss. No. No. Not today. Lulu, why do you keep saying
[00:21:24] Unknown:
not today? Because today, I am a man.
[00:21:31] Unknown:
Wait a minute. By your cost, Stella,
[00:21:34] Unknown:
I'm gonna kill you. If you do, I'll never speak to you again. That's it. Give me a Should we make plans for our anniversary?
[00:21:43] Unknown:
Let's just pick something up from BJ's Wholesale Club. From BJ's?
[00:21:47] Unknown:
How romantic. Well, I was thinking Vault sized mozzarella sticks?
[00:21:52] Unknown:
No. A vacation package to The Caribbean. Woah. Can we afford that? BJ's Travel offers even better value than those discount travel websites. Plus a 10% best price guarantee. So, yeah, we can. Visit travel.bj's.com
[00:22:06] Unknown:
to book cruises, vacation packages, car rentals, hotels, and more. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details.
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[00:00:31] Unknown:
With the Lucky Land Slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere.
[00:00:35] Unknown:
This is your captain speaking. We've got clear runway, and the weather's fine. But we're just gonna circle up here a while and, get lucky. No. No. Nothing like that. It's just these cash prizes add up quick. So I suggest you sit back, keep your tray table upright, and start getting lucky.
[00:00:50] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Are you feeling lucky? No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details.
[00:01:10] Unknown:
Here I am, Godzilla. Tell me, where have you been? I've been over to see uncle Mike. He's been in the hospital for the last ten days. And Abbot, he's got a nurse with a beautiful blonde hair, blue eyes, and the most gorgeous figure. I've been to the hospital every day. How is uncle Mike? I don't know. I'm gonna see him tomorrow. How can you be such a colossal idiot? On this show, we only want the best. My my grandfather's in the hospital too, Evan. He's a hundred and five years old. He is. Yes. The nurse feeds him bourbon for breakfast, bourbon for lunch, and bourbon for dinner. Jason? Yes. But at his age, he's too old to catch her. Customer, when are you when are you going to stop being an idiot and start demanding to something?
Oh, I think starting tomorrow, I'm gonna train to fight Joe Walcott. Joe Walcott. Don't make me laugh. Joe Walcott. Walcott has muscles. I got muscles. Walcott's got stamina. I got stamina. Walcott's got six kids. I got muscles. I Stop saying, why don't you save your money and get into the stock market? Did you ever buy grain in New York or sell barley in Chicago? No. But I sold some wild oats in Glendale. Oh, that's still I think you'll be a loafer all your life. Nobody would hire you. Oh, I had a job last week at Republic working for Gene Autry, but I got fired. Why? I forgot the tune is guitar and the Indians killed him.
Graciela. I'm happy. Graciela. I'm happy. Graciela. I'm happy. Graciela. I'm happy. I know. I know. I know. I'm kidding you say. How do you feel tonight? Lousy. Right? Boy, you were just saying that you were happy. Oh, yes. I am, Abbot. I just met a very gorgeous girl. I think I'm in love. Love you, darling. You don't even know what love is. Abbot, love is like a poker game. It starts out with a pair. He's got to have Jack or better. She gets a plush. He shows diamond, and they end up with a full house. Yeah. Sometimes with a joker in the middle.
Stella, I don't believe you've got a new girl. No. No girl would have anything to do with it. Oh, but I got plenty of girls. My trouble is get rid of them. When I get rid of one, another will pops up. When I get rid of her, another will pops up. It's like jumping from the frying pan into the arms of Jane Russell. That's that's jumping from the frying pan into the fire, my friend. You jump where you like, and I'll jump where I like. You know, you wanna be careful, Cassello. This is leap year. It's leap year, you know, you may get trapped. Leap year is different. Why? Why? Well, hell, it's the year when a woman proposes to a man. The woman makes up the man's mind for him. That's different. Now wait a minute.
Castell of June is a month for marriage, But, you don't have to worry. Very few girls would marry you. Very few would be enough. One at a time. In parenthesis, mad. How many girls do you think I need, Abbot? Do you want me to get arrested for trigonometry? No. No. No. Not trigonometry. When a man has several wives, it's, polygamy. When he has two wives, that's bigamy. Do you know what it is when a man has one wife? That's my not fat. No. No. Not monotony. Not monotony. Monogamy. Do you know what monogamy is? I got a table made out of that stuff. Solid monogamy. You mean mahogany.
Oh, no. That's the name of the guy that showed me the table. Patrick Mahogany. No. That isn't that isn't mahogany. It's Patrick Mahoney. You understand Mahoney. Mahoney is the name of the song. Mahoney don't tell my mammy. Oh, I've been there, Abbott. You've been where? My mammy, Florida. No. No. No. Miami, Florida. That's Miami. That's what I clean my sink with. You mean, Banamey? Banamey. Who? Vaname. Vaname. Now you're back to the songs again. What song? Vaname. That's why you must have had a tough life. Oh, yes, sir. We live next to the YWCA. In every wash day, my mother would blindfold me. What's what's tough about that? You know, I was 25 years old before I found out that horses weren't the only ones that wore halters. Halters.
Speaking of horses, Abbot, how was your wife?
[00:06:05] Unknown:
I heard that remark, Constell. I said it for you to hear. One more crack like that, and I'll lower your bicycle seat so your rompers get caught in the sprocket.
[00:06:15] Unknown:
How dare you insult my wife, Costello, why she's beautiful? Just just look at her. I am looking at her. Missus Abbott, when I look at your left eye, I keep wondering. Wondering what? Wondering what your left eye has that makes your right eye keep looking at it. Oh, my funny lady.
[00:06:40] Unknown:
Oh, you bloated magpie. Pie. You should talk about my eyes. I'm afraid look at your eyes. Why are you afraid? I'm afraid a baby kangaroo might jump out of one of those pouches. I know.
[00:06:51] Unknown:
Don't get up with that one fast, guys. Don't like Castellavagliani. Feeling a bit spring fever. He met a new girl, and he's thinking of getting married. Getting married? Uh-huh.
[00:07:03] Unknown:
Uh-huh. Oh, what a picture. Beauty and the blimp.
[00:07:15] Unknown:
Oh, goodbye. Oh, goodbye. Goodbye to you, missus Abbott, and 33 Hey, Cassella. That's 23 When you get her age, it takes longer to skidoo. Oh, good Oh, what the fuck? Wait a minute. Hey. Hey. Hey. Who are you whistling at, Costello? That pretty girl in the front row. Well, you can't get a girl by whistling. One time I got two girls that way. You got two girls by whistling? I had a split lip. How did you get the split lip? Two girls were with a cop. I'm surprised your actions, Will. I always thought you were bashful. Well, I used to be bashful at it. When When I was born, I stayed in bed for a whole year. I didn't even talk to my mother. Why do you always act so stupid? Well, I have to because to make you look good.
Well, now wait. And when you came in here tonight, you told me that you had a new girl. Have you been out with her yet? Have I been out with her yet? Mhmm. I, oh, sure. Last night, we sat on our front porch. I wanted to kiss about her father was home. Well, does her father object to kissing? I don't know. I didn't try to kiss her father. Did you take her anywhere? Oh, yes. I took her out to eat. It was a slow restaurant habit. That's where I got us got this jacket. I took it off the hook by mistake. I wish I had a pair of pants to match it. Why did you get some? Nobody hangs up pants in a restaurant.
[00:08:57] Unknown:
Well, well, hello there. How are you?
[00:09:02] Unknown:
Yeah. But get a load of this beautiful girl.
[00:09:05] Unknown:
Honey, child, haven't I seen you somewhere before? Why are you so that high? Weren't you at Seals last Saturday night wearing a strapless low cut evening gown? Uh-huh. And it had a fair midriff? Uh-huh. And the dress didn't have no back to it? Uh-huh.
[00:09:20] Unknown:
I knew I'd seen your face someplace before. Why you silly, silly little old boy? One silly is enough. Don't pass your pot.
[00:09:34] Unknown:
But I'm the girl you were out with last night. Evan, it's my new girl, honeysuckle Epstein.
[00:09:42] Unknown:
I'm very pleased to meet you, honeysuckle. Are you the new girlfriend that Gastel has been talking about? Yes.
[00:09:48] Unknown:
Yeah. Yes. I I sure am. And, Costello, honey, when you didn't call me today to make a date, I I just went all the pieces.
[00:09:57] Unknown:
Well, whoever put you back together again sure did a nice job. Honeysuckle, I'm crazy about you. Everywhere I go, I see your face. All night long, your face is before me. I stand asleep. Why not? I'm ashamed to have you see me in my pajamas.
[00:10:17] Unknown:
Oh, you ought to stoke you. I'm gonna kiss you. Come here. Kiss me again. Alright. Kiss
[00:10:36] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:10:42] Unknown:
Oh. Why are you crying when I kiss you?
[00:10:45] Unknown:
You're standing on my foot.
[00:10:52] Unknown:
Honey, Michael, are you are you and me going out tonight? Well, I know. That that's when I came over to tell you Costello, honey, Tom. Tonight, I have a date with Lam Taney. Lam Kenny? Uh-huh. He can't cut me out. I'll break every bone in his body. I'll tear him the ribbon. I'll feed him for a puff. But but but but I kinda try. Lam Kenny is six foot four. And don't forget, he's a wolf man. What do you say now? Well, have fun.
[00:11:32] Unknown:
Well, Catello, it looks like you're going to lose your new girlfriend, honeysuckle, to Lon Chaney. Step back out with him tonight. Oh, it's that Lon Chaney. Stealing my girl. How tall that guy woulda head in? Oh, you're getting awful tough all of a sudden. Well, I haven't I've been taking those physical cultures from Charles Atlas by mail. You have? Let me see your muscles. Let me see your muscles. I don't get the muscles until next week. But I'm plenty tough. That Lon Chaney don't scare me. I'd like to see that Lon Chaney walk through that door right now. Alright. Tell him where to get off.
[00:12:02] Unknown:
Hello, Alan. I'm Lon Chaney. Listen, Costello. Did I hear you just say that you were gonna tell me where to get off? Yes, Jenny.
[00:12:21] Unknown:
I'm gonna tell you where to get off. Where do you live? Right here in Hollywood. Well, you get off at Hollywood Vine.
[00:12:30] Unknown:
I tell her, don't you get fresh with me. Remember one thing.
[00:12:37] Unknown:
I am the wolf man. Yes, Costello. When the sun goes down, turns into a wolf. Him and 5,000,000 other guys. Him and 5,000,001 other guy. That's you. I know. Kenny, you better your fear. I put a thought through you the hard way. What do you mean? No. Far away. Push it through. I'll cut it out, Gautela. You aren't. Oh, oh, no. Lon Chaney. See my fist? What do you think of it? Dirty, ain't it? Chaney, the last guy I had a fight with is in the hospital, and he'll be there for the next two years. Yeah. Who is? Young doctor Malone. You don't graduate till 1950.
[00:13:34] Unknown:
Listen, you little start off rent. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna bite your head off and chew it up and swallow it. You do. You'll have more brains in your stomach than you got in your skull.
[00:13:50] Unknown:
No. I got brains I haven't used yet. Well, don't let them go to your head, Lou. You shouldn't you shouldn't be you shouldn't be jealous of of Castellan. Oh, I don't know, Abbot. When it comes to women, I'm a little stiff competition.
[00:14:12] Unknown:
You may be a little stiff, but you ain't no competition.
[00:14:18] Unknown:
He's got better writers than me. I don't like your altitude. What? Your attitude. Yeah. I was higher up on the other one, wasn't I? I don't like your attitude, Cheney. You keep away from honeysuckle Epstein. I'm warning you to withdraw.
[00:14:36] Unknown:
And suppose I don't wanna withdraw? Then I withdraw my warning.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
I don't fight, boy. Let's settle this thing peacefully.
[00:14:50] Unknown:
I just wanna say one thing, Abbot. Listen, Costello. Be smart, fat boy. Stay away from honeysuckle.
[00:14:59] Unknown:
What's the matter, Cheney? Aren't there any other girls in your life? Yeah.
[00:15:03] Unknown:
But there ain't any life in my other girl.
[00:15:13] Unknown:
There wasn't any life in that joke either.
[00:15:19] Unknown:
I can't stand anymore of you. Mister Abbott, will you do me a favor, sir? Lon, anything for you, mister Jamie? Well, drop by Honeystalker's house. Here's her address. Tell her that I won't be able to keep my date tonight. I've got to work with you too. You bet I will, Jamie.
[00:15:32] Unknown:
Hey. Yeah. You got a pretty fancy name. What do people call you, Lan or Chaney?
[00:15:38] Unknown:
Well, some people call me Lon, other people call me Chaney. But my friend called me Junior.
[00:15:56] Unknown:
Oh, I'm on my way, Abbot. I'm off to see honeysuckle Epstein. We need you can't go on that day tonight. You got no money. Well, I'll stop at my uncle Mike's house to borrow some. He's loaded. He just sold us some. What did he invent? A cake of soap, eight feet long and six feet wide. A cake of soap a cake of soap, eight feet long and six feet wide. Yes. How can you pick it up to lather yourself? You don't pick it up. You just sit on it and slide up and down. Well, I've got her address as long as you insist on seeing her. Let's go over to the house. Got here fast, didn't we?
Come on, Gastel. Here's Hudson's Suckers apart. My name is right on the door.
[00:16:38] Unknown:
Well, it's my little old honey child boyfriend, Costello. Would you all tell me?
[00:16:45] Unknown:
Honeysuckle, honey child, little old. You look lovely tonight. That's a goshiest dress you're wearing. Oh, it's just no mother Hubbard. Mother Hubbard? Yeah. Yeah. Don't look now, but your cupboard is bad.
[00:17:00] Unknown:
Kinda, Carccella. You all is gonna leave now. I got a date with Lon Chaney, and he's very, very jealous of me. If he catches you here, he's gonna be awful mad. Oh, no. Honeysuckle, mister Chaney stopped off at the studio and asked me to come over and tell you that he can't keep his date. He has to work tonight. Oh, well, in that case, what do you think we ought to do this evening?
[00:17:21] Unknown:
Let's neck. Wait a minute, Costello. You you you forget that I'm here. Yeah. But I only neck with curls. I
[00:17:30] Unknown:
Oh, there's somebody at the door. Who is it?
[00:17:33] Unknown:
Honey, sucker. It's me. I didn't have to work tonight. After all, may I
[00:17:41] Unknown:
Uh-huh. Honey, sucker, we've gotta do something. If I'm seeing any fines costella here, he'll he'll murder him. I know what to do.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Just a minute, Lauren, honey. I'm baking a cake.
[00:17:51] Unknown:
I'm the cake, and if he gets in here, he'll crack my frosting.
[00:17:56] Unknown:
Now now, Costella, here's what we're gonna do. You go in my bedroom, pull on one of my dresses, and I'll introduce you as miss Abbot's girlfriend.
[00:18:06] Unknown:
Come on, Costello. Into the bedroom. I'll help you get dressed. Hurry up. Alright. Take it easy. Alright, Costello. Get into these things here. Quick. What's this thing? Put this on first. What is it? Looks like a slingshot. That's a girdle. That's a girdle. It's a two way stretch. No. Good for me. I stretch four weeks. Oh, stop now. Flip the stretch over your head. That's it. Alright. Now let's go.
[00:18:27] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:18:28] Unknown:
Hello, bud? What are you doing over there? I just brought my girlfriend over the line. I'd like to I'd like you to meet her. Her name is miss,
[00:18:37] Unknown:
my name is Lula Castellano.
[00:18:39] Unknown:
Oh, yes. Yes.
[00:18:41] Unknown:
Well, shut my mouth. I all from South Patterson, New Jersey. Shut my mouth. You all.
[00:18:51] Unknown:
Yes, sir. Well, I'm just glad to meet you. Say, honey, Taco, put on some of that music on the Victorian. We have a dance. Get out some of that romantic stuff like hold that tiger.
[00:19:03] Unknown:
But hold that tiger isn't romantic. It is to another tiger.
[00:19:08] Unknown:
I thought I'd dance with miss Abbott, and and you guys with Lou. Oh, no. Now wait a minute.
[00:19:15] Unknown:
Okay. Come into my arm, be proud. You see?
[00:19:20] Unknown:
Oh, I'm not so proud.
[00:19:26] Unknown:
Ain't no beauty either.
[00:19:32] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:19:34] Unknown:
How about go ahead, loud, honey. Now now you just dance with Lulu, and I'll go out and see how my cake is coming along. But I think I'd I I'd better cancel mister Abbott. He's the man that brought me.
[00:19:46] Unknown:
Oh, oh, curse nurse. That's alright, Lulu. I'm not jealous. Go ahead and dance with us, mister Danny. Go ahead. It's alright. You rat. You rat rabbit.
[00:19:56] Unknown:
Rat? Come on, Lula. Let's cut a rug. Lula, dear. What was that noise?
[00:20:07] Unknown:
That was my daughter. It's a long pull from my girdle to my body top. Well, you two seem to be getting along fine. I think I'll go out in the kitchen with honeysuckle. Yeah. I'm back here. Come here.
[00:20:27] Unknown:
Lulu, at last, we're alone. Let me crush you in my arm.
[00:20:33] Unknown:
Mother told me that'd be nice like this.
[00:20:37] Unknown:
What is the matter with you, Lulu? Have you no warmth? What do you think this is?
[00:20:43] Unknown:
Puppy love? It must be your nose is cold.
[00:20:51] Unknown:
Please, Lulu. Please. Please, Lulu. Can't you see the light of love burning in my eyes? As I draw you to me, don't you feel a spark of fire?
[00:21:01] Unknown:
Yes. I do feel a spark in the fire. Is it love? No. Yes. Cigar was picking in my ear.
[00:21:11] Unknown:
You can't deny me any longer, Lulu. Let me kiss you. No. No. Not today, Lon. Please, Lulu. Just one little kiss. No. No. Not today. Lulu, why do you keep saying
[00:21:24] Unknown:
not today? Because today, I am a man.
[00:21:31] Unknown:
Wait a minute. By your cost, Stella,
[00:21:34] Unknown:
I'm gonna kill you. If you do, I'll never speak to you again. That's it. Give me a Should we make plans for our anniversary?
[00:21:43] Unknown:
Let's just pick something up from BJ's Wholesale Club. From BJ's?
[00:21:47] Unknown:
How romantic. Well, I was thinking Vault sized mozzarella sticks?
[00:21:52] Unknown:
No. A vacation package to The Caribbean. Woah. Can we afford that? BJ's Travel offers even better value than those discount travel websites. Plus a 10% best price guarantee. So, yeah, we can. Visit travel.bj's.com
[00:22:06] Unknown:
to book cruises, vacation packages, car rentals, hotels, and more. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details.
Introduction and Brightening Your Day
Hospital Visits and Family Antics
Love, Relationships, and Misunderstandings
Comedic Banter and Wordplay
Costello's New Girl and Romantic Misadventures
Confrontation with Lon Chaney
Disguises and Deception
