In this lively episode, we dive into the world of entertainment and nostalgia with a humorous twist. Our host, Ryan, shares a personal anecdote about playing social spin slot games on ChumbaCasino.com during a flight, highlighting the widespread appeal of online casino games. The conversation takes a nostalgic turn as we revisit a classic Abbott and Costello radio program, filled with comedic sketches and witty banter. The episode features a playful exchange about telegrams, a humorous misunderstanding about train berths, and a delightful parody of "Romeo and Juliet" performed by Costello's brother, Sebastian.
Listeners are treated to a blend of modern gaming fun and vintage comedy, showcasing the timeless nature of humor. The episode also includes a nod to the historical context of the Abbott and Costello show, with references to wartime efforts and the importance of entertainment for troops. With its mix of personal stories, classic comedy, and a touch of history, this episode offers a delightful escape into the world of laughter and entertainment.
(01:16) Introduction to the Abbott and Costello Program
(02:01) Costello's Telegram from Home
(04:49) Train Ticket Confusion
(10:08) Return to School Days
(19:59) Sebastian's School Play
(27:20) Honoring a Hero
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
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Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
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Unknown:
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law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website
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for details.
[00:01:14] Unknown:
C m e l s. The Abbott and Costello program brought to you by Camel, the cigarette that's first in the service according to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too. Find out for yourself. Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie Rich and his orchestra, the swingy singing of Connie Haines, and that lad whose message loud and clear each Thursday rings into your ear. Hey,
[00:01:55] Unknown:
Arthur. Alright. Costello. Costello, come here. You're all excited. I like me. You're all excited. What what's the thing you've got there? It looks like a telegram. Where did you get it? Oh, a fellow in a long green underwear. Give it to me. A fellow in a long green underwear? Yeah. He was wearing a Western Union suit. Yes, dummy. That was a that was a messenger boy. And And that's a telegram. What does it say? It don't say nothing about it. I can't see a thing. Well, you're dope. You haven't even opened the envelope. Oh, do you have to open it? I thought you were supposed to peek through this little window in the front. Give me that telegram. I'll read it.
Hey. Hey. Look, Costello. What? It's from your hometown. Paterson, New Jersey. Paterson, New Jersey. Oh, boy. Imagine look. It says, dear Louis Costello. Oh, yeah. Abbott. Yeah. What do you mean? L O U S C. That's my hometown. Quiet, trust this telegram is from your old grade school in Paterson. Public School Fifteen.
[00:02:53] Unknown:
Oh, boy. Good old PS fifteen. My old Alma mattress.
[00:02:57] Unknown:
No. No. No. You mean Alma matter. A mattress is something you lie on. I know. I laid around that school for ten years. Well, what do they want with me, Abbot? Well, the telegram goes on to say, let's see now. We are proud of you, Mr. Costello, and the whole school would greatly be honored if you would come to Patterson this Saturday night and appear in our annual school play, signed by the principal, Jay Soiloff wallpaper.
[00:03:23] Unknown:
How do you like that Abbot? Boy, oh boy. I knew my old school would send for me someday. Sure they would. I was always the hero of my school.
[00:03:33] Unknown:
I'll never forget coach Abel Green. What do you mean? And those kids I played with, Michael Varello. What are you doing? Those were the kids. We had a real team in that. I was even the captain of the tug of war team. Wait a minute. What did you do on the tug of war team? I was the second jerk from the end. Yes. Yes. But I can't. I don't get that. I don't either. Look, I can't understand why that school would send for you to appear in a play. What do you know about grammar? About what? Do you understand grammar? No. Not since she got a new false teeth. No. No. Even grandpa can't understand her. No, Castell. Castell, I'm talking about dramatic acting. Did you ever do anything dramatic in school? Oh, did I? I used to get up and I used to excite poetry. You did? Get a load of this little gem which I wrote myself. Let's hear it. Roses are red and violets are purple, Sugar is sweet and so is maple circle.
Well, come on. Maple circle, it rhymes, darn it. Well, what about it? But maple circle, what is that? What is maple circle? What is maple circle? Maple circle is the stuff you put on flannel cakeles. Okay. Look. I'm gonna talk to you now. If you're going to Paterson, New Jersey, we've gotta get down to the railroad station right away. Come on. Okay. Come on.
[00:04:49] Unknown:
Let's have let's have
[00:04:52] Unknown:
Alright now, Costello. Let's get our tickets for Patterson. We've gotta find a comfortable place to sleep on the train. Oh, I never have any trouble, Abbot. I got a system. I eat garlic before I get on a train. What does garlic got to do with finding a place to sleep? I just breathe in the conductor's face and it gives me a wide berth. I oh. I'll be sensible. Well, here's the ticket, Linda.
[00:05:12] Unknown:
I beg your pardon, sir. We're going to Pattison. Could you tell us how the trains run? Oh, yes. There's a big black thing that pulls them and it goes choo choo and woo hoo.
[00:05:24] Unknown:
This guy's been drinking too much of that Traveler's Aid.
[00:05:28] Unknown:
Look.
[00:05:35] Unknown:
Look. You better let let me handle this, Costello. I think I better because I lost my place. Alright. Never mind that. Now look. In order to say say low. Come here. Go ahead. I I got it. Alright. Look. I'll take care of everything. Don't worry about a thing. In order to save money, I think we'd better get a couple of upper births. Oh, but I don't want an upper. I want a lower. But, Costello, do you realize that if you buy a lower, you'll find it's much higher than an upper? Oh, sure. I mean, after all, any what'd you say? I I said that a lower is higher than an upper. A lower is higher than an upper? Why certainly. But what are they doing? Running the trains upside down? Of course not. The lower is a more desirable birth. Therefore, if you want to go lower, you'll have to go higher. If I wanna go lower, I'll have to go higher. Yeah. Why should I go higher when I wanna go lower? Simply because if you want to go lower, you have to go higher because the lower is higher than the upper. And the reason the lower is higher than the upper is because the upper is higher up than the lower.
Oh,
[00:06:33] Unknown:
you mean that the upper is lower than the lower because the lower is higher than the upper. Now you've got it. Now I've got it. I don't even know what I'm talking
[00:06:42] Unknown:
about. Costello, I'm trying to tell you that they sell the upper lower than the lower because when you sleep in an upper, you have to get up to go to bed. I have to get up to go to bed. That's right. Who's paying for my purse? You are. And there ain't gonna be anybody in it but me? No. Then why do I have to get up? Castell, look, I've already explained it. Unless you go higher for a lower, then you're stuck with an upper and you'll have to get up when you go to bed And you'll have to get down when you want to get up. Abbotts what?
Let me smell your breath.
[00:07:28] Unknown:
Friends, would you like to do me a well, I was just about to say do me a favor, but, actually, I should say do yourself a favor or maybe do your throat and your taste a flavor. Let them judge for themselves which cigarette best agrees with them. Let them answer the question you have so often asked yourself about which cigarette is best for you. Let your throat try Campbell's kind cool mildness. Let your taste sample at rich full flavor because your t zone, that's t for taste and t for throat, can tell you more about Camel's in one puff than I can in 10 programs. C a e l s. Camels, a superb blend of costlier tobaccos.
Freddie Rich plays a hit tune of today, but for many of you, it is also a hit of other years. Freddie revives sweet and lovely.
[00:10:08] Unknown:
Well, here you are, Costello, in good old Patterson, New Jersey. Yeah, Abbott. And here's my old school. Hotel. PS 15. As I stand here looking at this whole building, I think of the happy days I spent here as a boy. How long do you go to school, Costello? You mean counting kindergarten? Yes. One year. Well, come on. Let's find the principal's office and see what time we start rehearsing for the school play tonight. Hey. What do you mean? What time we start rehearsing? Not we. Me. This is my old school, not yours, Abba. What do you mean? I'm gonna do this play all by myself. I don't need your help. Oh, how can you say that, Costello? Haven't I always given you the best of everything? Why last last Sunday, when we had a a double date, I gave you the best girl. What a slick little number you had. Slicked number is right. I bent her back in my arms and her hair slid off. Alright. Look. Just just cut that out, Costello. Wait a minute. I think this is the principal's office right here. No. No. No. Not that room. What do you mean? Oh, that room is where they have the art class. What do you mean? That's where I learned to draw, Abbot. You did? I was a wonderful drawer. My kid brother Sebastian is in there now. He's studying to be a drawer too. Well, that'll be nice. Just think of it. The Costello brothers, a pair of drawers.
Look, never mind that. Where is the principal's office? Oh, I don't quite remember Abbott. But look, look. Here's my old first grades room. First grade room? Yeah. Hey. Well, Well, why don't you go in and say hello to your old teacher? Oh, I don't think miss Sashwaite would remember me. I wonder if she's as fat as she used to be. Why was she very fat? Every time she turned around she used to erase the back blackboard.
[00:11:42] Unknown:
I said it. Alright. Alright.
[00:11:44] Unknown:
Well go ahead. Open the door and see if she remembers you after all these years. Okay. Boy, will she be surprised to see me. Miss Ashwaite. Miss Ashwaite. Yes? Don't Don't you remember me? I'm Lou Costello.
[00:11:58] Unknown:
Oh, and where were you all day yesterday?
[00:12:06] Unknown:
Yesterday?
[00:12:07] Unknown:
I haven't been here for fifteen years. If you'll absent one more day, you'll have to bring a note from your mother.
[00:12:14] Unknown:
Just a minute Miss Sashaway. I'm Lou Costello. Don't you remember how fifteen years ago, I always used to pester you by raising my hand? Yes.
[00:12:24] Unknown:
Well? You can go now.
[00:12:33] Unknown:
See, miss Hesswaite. She's she's changed. I remember when she used to keep me after school to spank her erasers. Alright. Look. Come on, Costello. Here's the principal's office right over here. And you'd better let me talk to him. He's a very brilliant man. Go ahead. How do you do, sir? Are you professor Wallpaper, the principal? Yeah. Oh, you can always tell our Harvard, man. Professor, I understand you want Costello to appear in your school play tonight. Yeah. Just a minute. I I got the telephone tangled in my yo yo. Now if you fellas are looking for the rehearsal of the play, it's right in the next room. Oh, alright. Come on, Costello.
[00:13:13] Unknown:
Oh, I love you, Millicent, my darling. I love you too, Rodney.
[00:13:17] Unknown:
Kiss me, my sweet.
[00:13:20] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:13:21] Unknown:
Hey, you two. Cut it out. Wait. No. Don't stop them, Costello. That's wonderful acting. They're not acting. That's the janitor and the fourth grade teacher. Oh,
[00:13:30] Unknown:
this is ridiculous. Can anybody tell us where they're rehearsing the play, please? Yeah. Right to the next room. Just ask for the English teacher. He's in charge. Thanks. Oh, I love you, Millicent, to my darling. I love you too, Rodney.
[00:13:43] Unknown:
Kiss me, my sweet.
[00:13:45] Unknown:
I get it. What? They've been doing that for fifteen years. Why don't they get together? Well, she won't marry him when he's drunk and he won't marry her when he's sober. I think so. Don't tell me that you're teaching in this school too.
[00:14:06] Unknown:
Could be.
[00:14:08] Unknown:
You know I'm devoting my whole life to teaching the little kiddies how to speak perfectly the King's English. Yes. Yes. I went to one of the most famous colleges in England. Eaton? Yeah. Eating and drinking. I had a wonderful time.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
I was in London once. Yeah? I met a beautiful girl on the street one day. Piccadilly? I certainly did.
[00:14:37] Unknown:
You certainly did. I don't get it. Yeah. Love Kitzel, I understand you're directing the school play tonight. Yes, sir. Yeah, my friend. You know, my whole family was dramatic coaches. My grandfather was a coach. My father was a coach. My uncle was a coach. Oh, I come from a long line of coaches.
[00:14:56] Unknown:
And what are you, the caboose?
[00:14:59] Unknown:
Well, well, gentlemen, I'll see you tonight at the play. Now I must get back to my pupil. Just a minute, Kitzel. Just a minute. Is my kid brother Sebastian in your English class? Is that little Sebastian your brother? Woo hoo. Is he a bright little chappy? You know, he is speaking the best angles from the whole school. Just a second, I'll call him. Sebastian.
[00:15:27] Unknown:
Hello, Sebastian. Hello. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. Professor Kittel just told me that you're the best English pupil in this whole class.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
Is that true?
[00:15:39] Unknown:
Yeah. Of course be.
[00:15:57] Unknown:
Lovely Connie Haines and a lovely song together.
[00:16:27] Unknown:
Love's always will be together. You're gone from me, but in my
[00:18:06] Unknown:
You know, radio sure is a wonderful triumph of modern science. But as yet, we haven't found out how to broadcast the flavor of a cigarette over a microphone. Only your own taste can tell you which cigarette you like best. And only your own throat can tell you which cigarette likes you best. So why not give your t zone, that's t for throat and t for taste, a chance to judge the cigarette it likes best. Give your taste a chance to try the rich full flavor of Camel's blend of costlier tobaccos. Give your throat the chance to try Camel's kind cool mildness. Like millions of smokers, you too may find that your cigarette is
[00:18:45] Unknown:
c a m e l s. Camels.
[00:18:48] Unknown:
Let them tell their own story to your own t zone today.
[00:19:00] Unknown:
Good evening, members of the Parents and Teachers Club of Paterson and all you dirty, sincere little kitty. We have a great surprise for you tonight. One of our former pupils, Lou Costello, has consented to present a play for us. Most of you remember Lou Costello. In his school day, he was the head boy along this block. And let us listen to this blockhead.
[00:19:27] Unknown:
Costello, Costello, the audience is waiting for you. You've just been introduced to open this door.
[00:19:33] Unknown:
Here I am, Uncle Bud. Sebastian.
[00:19:35] Unknown:
What are you doing in your brother's makeup and his costume?
[00:19:39] Unknown:
What is the meaning of this? Louis has disappeared. Disappeared? Mhmm. Don't worry, Uncle Butt. What do you mean? I'm going out on the stage and I'm gonna take his place. And the Yoneys will never know the difference. I put on this big, big putty nose that I got and I put on my nose. This big putty nose. But Sebastian,
[00:19:54] Unknown:
you've got the putty down over the end of your nose. How are you going to smell?
[00:19:59] Unknown:
Alright. Unless they turn on to heat.
[00:20:01] Unknown:
Look Sebastian,
[00:20:03] Unknown:
what are you going to do when you get out on that stage? Well, I'm gonna tell them a story about Romeo and Juliet and it was written by William Shakespeare, a very great ether. Ether? Mhmm. You mean author. Ether puts people asleep. That's what the story's gonna do.
[00:20:18] Unknown:
Gale, alright as long as Lou isn't here I I suppose you'll have to do it. Okay? Come on hurry up. The curtains going up. Come on. There you are.
[00:20:28] Unknown:
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm about to tell you the story of Romeo and Juliet. Now, I don't want any interruptions from you, Uncle Abbott. Go ahead. Let me just My big brother told me how you interrupt him. Well, go ahead. But don't interrupt me. Tell that story. Don't tell me that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I lost my place like my big brother. Now, I am I'm not kidding. Once upon a time, there was a fellow named Romeo. Romeo?
[00:20:58] Unknown:
What did this Romeo look like? I got out of that one. Well, alright. What did he look like?
[00:21:03] Unknown:
What did he look like? Well, he he was about how do I know what he looked like? I never met the guy. Then why do you tell stories about people you don't even know? Nobody
[00:21:13] Unknown:
knows Romeo. He's just a guy in the story. He's an imaginary character. Oh, you mean he's just a person in fancy. In fancy? In fancy what? In fancy nothing. That's a good way to catch cool.
[00:21:25] Unknown:
Now look, Uncle Porter, if you just shut up I'll tell a story. Alright. Go ahead. I won't say anymore. Okay. Alright. Go ahead. Once upon a time there was a fellow named Romeo and he was his father's only son. Well that's right. He was his father's heir. His what? His father's heir. His father didn't have any hair. He was bald headed. Alright. Go ahead. Now, don't let me. Alright. Go ahead. Now, there's a girl in the story and her name is Juliet. And her father was given a big party, you know, to kind of, sort of shove her into society. Oh, yeah. You mean she was making her debut? I don't know if it was her debut or her night view.
All I know it was her first party and a lot of people was invited to see her and stuff. I I Kings? Well you see the the folks are coming in, to her coming out party. How can you come in to come out? She was inside already. Naturally. She had to come in to come out. What did she want to come out for? She was inside. This wasn't an outdoor affair. Alright. Alright. This was the inside. I know that. You told me that. Alright. Well, if people are gonna come in to come out, there's no use of going out to come in. Alright then. Why don't they stay home? Look Sebastian. You don't understand. How do you stay home? Look. You don't understand, Sebastian. Stay home. Now listen, please. You want me to tell your big brother on you? Anybody got lozenges? Listen, please.
[00:22:41] Unknown:
Look. The party brings her out.
[00:22:43] Unknown:
The party brings her out? That's right. Why should the party bring her out? What did the little girl do? No. No. No. No. No. No. The party didn't even start. Some guy right away wants to drag her out. No. You don't understand. Why don't they leave the little kid alone? Now now now Sebastian. She wasn't drinking. But because listen, Sebastian. ABC had one pasta. Now Sebastian.
[00:23:03] Unknown:
Then they have to roll to get us. Okay? Alright. Alright. Alright. You lost again. Alright. Go on with the story. Well, look. Look. Wasn't, look. Wasn't Romeo invited to this party? Not longer. Look, wasn't Romeo invited to this party is what I wanna know, wasn't he? Oh, sure. No.
[00:23:20] Unknown:
No. You see, Juliet's father thank you, mister Bernard. Juliet's father I need him. Now come on, Sebastian. Then Juliet's father didn't like Romeo. Yes. So he had to put on a mask and he borrowed another guy's clothes and he went away. Oh, Romeo went in disguise. Yeah. In this guy's clothes. I see. I see. I see. I see. You You see, uncle, but Romeo and Juliette's father was enemies, and they was fighting for fifteen years. They they didn't like each other? Yeah. Which family, brought on the feud? They both brought on the feud, but Romeo wouldn't eat it. He was love shit. He kept getting thin and pale. Oh, I see. He looked one. Oh, yeah.
He what'd you say? I said he looked one. Don't you know what one is? Yeah. One is the number before two. No. No. No. No. One, two, a fart in my shirt. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. One means picket. Romeo was picket. Oh, sure. He was picket through the t hole at Juliet. Now Sebastian. Well, if I was there, I'd have picket. I'd have Hey, Sebastian. Would you please go on with the play? Well, anyway, every night Juliet used to sit on the balcony. Why did she sit in the balcony? Because she couldn't afford a seat in the orchestra. Sure. Alright. Alright. And she liked to sit in the balcony. Alright. Now don't argue. There she could smoke. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. Put her feet on the rails. Yes. Yes. Go on. Go ahead. So far so good. Go ahead. One night I hope I can hold out. One night, Juliet
[00:24:52] Unknown:
dropped her handkerchief and Romeo picked it up and handed it to her. And, what did, Juliet do when Romeo handed her the handkerchief? She's done like anybody else. What? What? What? Just what? Well, you know what I mean. Wait. Do you know the story, don't you? Oh, yes. She Well, what did Juliet do when Romeo handed her the handkerchief? You know, like they always What did she do?
[00:25:09] Unknown:
She wiped her nose. Alright now.
[00:25:12] Unknown:
Geez. Did you have to make me say that? Well, alright. Never mind. I mean, it's your line. Alright. But look Sebastian, as I remember the story, Romeo had a rival and they fought a duel with lances. Now what I can't understand is why did the other fellow kick Romeo when Romeo dropped his lance? Because he caught Romeo with his lance down. Look. That's enough Sebastian. Stop the play. Stop it. I say ladies and gentlemen, the play is over. Bring down the curtain. Hey. Hey. Hey. What's the idea of stopping the play, Uncle Bud? Sebastian, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Not only have you disgraced your brother Lou, but you stand there and make a monkey out of a great masterpiece. You ridicule Romeo and Juliet, the greatest love story of all time, and you deliberately instilled the name of William Shakespeare. Why do you do these wicked things? Oh,
[00:25:59] Unknown:
I'm a bad boy.
[00:26:02] Unknown:
Yeah. I'll say you're a bad boy.
[00:26:04] Unknown:
Oh, I'm the kind of kid my mother won't let me associate with. You certainly are.
[00:26:10] Unknown:
Now come here. Now where is your brother Lou? I think he might be in the fourth grade classroom, uncle Bud. What makes you think that? Because I locked him in there before the show. Sebastian, Unlock that door and let your brother out. He's probably in there crying his eyes out because he missed the play. Go on. Open that door. Okay, Uncle Bud. Go ahead.
[00:26:28] Unknown:
I love you militant, my darling. I love you too, Goddello.
[00:26:32] Unknown:
Kiss me my twink.
[00:26:35] Unknown:
Costello.
[00:26:36] Unknown:
Costello. What are you doing making love with a fourth grade teacher? You know she's the janitor's girl. You're telling me, Abbott. And I'm the new janitor. But you missed the whole play. Oh, don't worry, Abbott. Millicent and I are gonna put on another play tomorrow night. Another play? Yeah. And I'm calling it the girl who eloped with the new janitor or gone with the window cleaner.
[00:26:59] Unknown:
I love you Costello
[00:27:01] Unknown:
my sweet. I love you too, Millicent, my sweet.
[00:27:05] Unknown:
Oh, he's a bad boy.
[00:27:15] Unknown:
Adam and Costello will be back in a moment.
[00:27:21] Unknown:
Thanks to the Yanks of the Week. Tonight, we salute technical sergeant jar James h Logan of Luling, Texas, who is one of only two men in this war to receive both the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Distinguished Service Cross. In your honor, Sergeant James M Logan, the makers of camels are sending to our fighters overseas 400,000 camel cigarettes.
[00:27:45] Unknown:
Each of the three Camel Radio shows honors a yank of the week by sending free 400,000 camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week. In this country, the camel caravans traveling from camp to camp have thanked audiences of more than 4,000,000 yanks with free shows and free camels. Camel broadcast go out to The United States Three times a week, are rebroadcast to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore, Monday to Bob Hawkin, thanks to the yanks, and next Thursday to Abbott and Costello. And before we hear from the boys, I'd like to say the merchant marine needs more men to man the supply lines to victory. And to eligible men, it offers not only a well paid and worthy present, but a splendid future.
In six months time now, you can make the progress it would have taken you three years to make before Pearl Harbor. Get all the facts. Go to any United States Employment Service office or wire collect to the United States Merchant Marine Washington DC.
[00:28:46] Unknown:
Now here are Bud and Lou Costello with the final word. Thanks, Ken. But it's getting a little late, so all we'll have time to say is just good night, folks. And good night to everybody. Good night, please. Bye, Bons. Bye, Bons. Good night, folks. Everybody in part of the new Chevy. Good night, neighbors. Good night, neighbors.
[00:29:09] Unknown:
Be sure to tune in next week for another great Abbott and Costello show. And remember, try Camel's on your throat and your taste. See for yourself how Camel's mildness, coolness, and flavor click with you.
[00:29:27] Unknown:
If you are a hermit living in some lonely cave, don't listen to this because you're one of the few men in the world who can pack his pipe with any old tobacco he pleases and get away with it. But if you want your pipe to make a hit with people around you as well as yourself, then load up with Prince Albert. That wonderful fragrance, that aged in the wood aroma gives your pipe real pipe appeal to other folks as well as yourself. Besides that fragrance, Prince Albert has a rich, full bodied, yet mild flavor. It's no bite treated for tongue gentleness.
It's crimp cut to pack, draw, and burn perfectly. And what a bargain. Just about 50 pipe bowls in one regular two ounce package. More pipes smoke Prince Albert than any other tobacco in the world.
[00:30:14] Unknown:
The Abbott and Costello Show for Camel cigarettes will be back at this very same time next week. Don't miss it. This is Ken Niles in Hollywood wishing you a pleasant good night.
[00:30:26] Unknown:
This is the National Broadcasting Company.
Hello. It is Ryan, and I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on chumbacasino.com. I looked over the person sitting next to me, and you know what they were doing? They were also playing Chumba casino. Coincidence? I think not. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere,
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law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website
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for details.
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C m e l s. The Abbott and Costello program brought to you by Camel, the cigarette that's first in the service according to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too. Find out for yourself. Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie Rich and his orchestra, the swingy singing of Connie Haines, and that lad whose message loud and clear each Thursday rings into your ear. Hey,
[00:01:55] Unknown:
Arthur. Alright. Costello. Costello, come here. You're all excited. I like me. You're all excited. What what's the thing you've got there? It looks like a telegram. Where did you get it? Oh, a fellow in a long green underwear. Give it to me. A fellow in a long green underwear? Yeah. He was wearing a Western Union suit. Yes, dummy. That was a that was a messenger boy. And And that's a telegram. What does it say? It don't say nothing about it. I can't see a thing. Well, you're dope. You haven't even opened the envelope. Oh, do you have to open it? I thought you were supposed to peek through this little window in the front. Give me that telegram. I'll read it.
Hey. Hey. Look, Costello. What? It's from your hometown. Paterson, New Jersey. Paterson, New Jersey. Oh, boy. Imagine look. It says, dear Louis Costello. Oh, yeah. Abbott. Yeah. What do you mean? L O U S C. That's my hometown. Quiet, trust this telegram is from your old grade school in Paterson. Public School Fifteen.
[00:02:53] Unknown:
Oh, boy. Good old PS fifteen. My old Alma mattress.
[00:02:57] Unknown:
No. No. No. You mean Alma matter. A mattress is something you lie on. I know. I laid around that school for ten years. Well, what do they want with me, Abbot? Well, the telegram goes on to say, let's see now. We are proud of you, Mr. Costello, and the whole school would greatly be honored if you would come to Patterson this Saturday night and appear in our annual school play, signed by the principal, Jay Soiloff wallpaper.
[00:03:23] Unknown:
How do you like that Abbot? Boy, oh boy. I knew my old school would send for me someday. Sure they would. I was always the hero of my school.
[00:03:33] Unknown:
I'll never forget coach Abel Green. What do you mean? And those kids I played with, Michael Varello. What are you doing? Those were the kids. We had a real team in that. I was even the captain of the tug of war team. Wait a minute. What did you do on the tug of war team? I was the second jerk from the end. Yes. Yes. But I can't. I don't get that. I don't either. Look, I can't understand why that school would send for you to appear in a play. What do you know about grammar? About what? Do you understand grammar? No. Not since she got a new false teeth. No. No. Even grandpa can't understand her. No, Castell. Castell, I'm talking about dramatic acting. Did you ever do anything dramatic in school? Oh, did I? I used to get up and I used to excite poetry. You did? Get a load of this little gem which I wrote myself. Let's hear it. Roses are red and violets are purple, Sugar is sweet and so is maple circle.
Well, come on. Maple circle, it rhymes, darn it. Well, what about it? But maple circle, what is that? What is maple circle? What is maple circle? Maple circle is the stuff you put on flannel cakeles. Okay. Look. I'm gonna talk to you now. If you're going to Paterson, New Jersey, we've gotta get down to the railroad station right away. Come on. Okay. Come on.
[00:04:49] Unknown:
Let's have let's have
[00:04:52] Unknown:
Alright now, Costello. Let's get our tickets for Patterson. We've gotta find a comfortable place to sleep on the train. Oh, I never have any trouble, Abbot. I got a system. I eat garlic before I get on a train. What does garlic got to do with finding a place to sleep? I just breathe in the conductor's face and it gives me a wide berth. I oh. I'll be sensible. Well, here's the ticket, Linda.
[00:05:12] Unknown:
I beg your pardon, sir. We're going to Pattison. Could you tell us how the trains run? Oh, yes. There's a big black thing that pulls them and it goes choo choo and woo hoo.
[00:05:24] Unknown:
This guy's been drinking too much of that Traveler's Aid.
[00:05:28] Unknown:
Look.
[00:05:35] Unknown:
Look. You better let let me handle this, Costello. I think I better because I lost my place. Alright. Never mind that. Now look. In order to say say low. Come here. Go ahead. I I got it. Alright. Look. I'll take care of everything. Don't worry about a thing. In order to save money, I think we'd better get a couple of upper births. Oh, but I don't want an upper. I want a lower. But, Costello, do you realize that if you buy a lower, you'll find it's much higher than an upper? Oh, sure. I mean, after all, any what'd you say? I I said that a lower is higher than an upper. A lower is higher than an upper? Why certainly. But what are they doing? Running the trains upside down? Of course not. The lower is a more desirable birth. Therefore, if you want to go lower, you'll have to go higher. If I wanna go lower, I'll have to go higher. Yeah. Why should I go higher when I wanna go lower? Simply because if you want to go lower, you have to go higher because the lower is higher than the upper. And the reason the lower is higher than the upper is because the upper is higher up than the lower.
Oh,
[00:06:33] Unknown:
you mean that the upper is lower than the lower because the lower is higher than the upper. Now you've got it. Now I've got it. I don't even know what I'm talking
[00:06:42] Unknown:
about. Costello, I'm trying to tell you that they sell the upper lower than the lower because when you sleep in an upper, you have to get up to go to bed. I have to get up to go to bed. That's right. Who's paying for my purse? You are. And there ain't gonna be anybody in it but me? No. Then why do I have to get up? Castell, look, I've already explained it. Unless you go higher for a lower, then you're stuck with an upper and you'll have to get up when you go to bed And you'll have to get down when you want to get up. Abbotts what?
Let me smell your breath.
[00:07:28] Unknown:
Friends, would you like to do me a well, I was just about to say do me a favor, but, actually, I should say do yourself a favor or maybe do your throat and your taste a flavor. Let them judge for themselves which cigarette best agrees with them. Let them answer the question you have so often asked yourself about which cigarette is best for you. Let your throat try Campbell's kind cool mildness. Let your taste sample at rich full flavor because your t zone, that's t for taste and t for throat, can tell you more about Camel's in one puff than I can in 10 programs. C a e l s. Camels, a superb blend of costlier tobaccos.
Freddie Rich plays a hit tune of today, but for many of you, it is also a hit of other years. Freddie revives sweet and lovely.
[00:10:08] Unknown:
Well, here you are, Costello, in good old Patterson, New Jersey. Yeah, Abbott. And here's my old school. Hotel. PS 15. As I stand here looking at this whole building, I think of the happy days I spent here as a boy. How long do you go to school, Costello? You mean counting kindergarten? Yes. One year. Well, come on. Let's find the principal's office and see what time we start rehearsing for the school play tonight. Hey. What do you mean? What time we start rehearsing? Not we. Me. This is my old school, not yours, Abba. What do you mean? I'm gonna do this play all by myself. I don't need your help. Oh, how can you say that, Costello? Haven't I always given you the best of everything? Why last last Sunday, when we had a a double date, I gave you the best girl. What a slick little number you had. Slicked number is right. I bent her back in my arms and her hair slid off. Alright. Look. Just just cut that out, Costello. Wait a minute. I think this is the principal's office right here. No. No. No. Not that room. What do you mean? Oh, that room is where they have the art class. What do you mean? That's where I learned to draw, Abbot. You did? I was a wonderful drawer. My kid brother Sebastian is in there now. He's studying to be a drawer too. Well, that'll be nice. Just think of it. The Costello brothers, a pair of drawers.
Look, never mind that. Where is the principal's office? Oh, I don't quite remember Abbott. But look, look. Here's my old first grades room. First grade room? Yeah. Hey. Well, Well, why don't you go in and say hello to your old teacher? Oh, I don't think miss Sashwaite would remember me. I wonder if she's as fat as she used to be. Why was she very fat? Every time she turned around she used to erase the back blackboard.
[00:11:42] Unknown:
I said it. Alright. Alright.
[00:11:44] Unknown:
Well go ahead. Open the door and see if she remembers you after all these years. Okay. Boy, will she be surprised to see me. Miss Ashwaite. Miss Ashwaite. Yes? Don't Don't you remember me? I'm Lou Costello.
[00:11:58] Unknown:
Oh, and where were you all day yesterday?
[00:12:06] Unknown:
Yesterday?
[00:12:07] Unknown:
I haven't been here for fifteen years. If you'll absent one more day, you'll have to bring a note from your mother.
[00:12:14] Unknown:
Just a minute Miss Sashaway. I'm Lou Costello. Don't you remember how fifteen years ago, I always used to pester you by raising my hand? Yes.
[00:12:24] Unknown:
Well? You can go now.
[00:12:33] Unknown:
See, miss Hesswaite. She's she's changed. I remember when she used to keep me after school to spank her erasers. Alright. Look. Come on, Costello. Here's the principal's office right over here. And you'd better let me talk to him. He's a very brilliant man. Go ahead. How do you do, sir? Are you professor Wallpaper, the principal? Yeah. Oh, you can always tell our Harvard, man. Professor, I understand you want Costello to appear in your school play tonight. Yeah. Just a minute. I I got the telephone tangled in my yo yo. Now if you fellas are looking for the rehearsal of the play, it's right in the next room. Oh, alright. Come on, Costello.
[00:13:13] Unknown:
Oh, I love you, Millicent, my darling. I love you too, Rodney.
[00:13:17] Unknown:
Kiss me, my sweet.
[00:13:20] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:13:21] Unknown:
Hey, you two. Cut it out. Wait. No. Don't stop them, Costello. That's wonderful acting. They're not acting. That's the janitor and the fourth grade teacher. Oh,
[00:13:30] Unknown:
this is ridiculous. Can anybody tell us where they're rehearsing the play, please? Yeah. Right to the next room. Just ask for the English teacher. He's in charge. Thanks. Oh, I love you, Millicent, to my darling. I love you too, Rodney.
[00:13:43] Unknown:
Kiss me, my sweet.
[00:13:45] Unknown:
I get it. What? They've been doing that for fifteen years. Why don't they get together? Well, she won't marry him when he's drunk and he won't marry her when he's sober. I think so. Don't tell me that you're teaching in this school too.
[00:14:06] Unknown:
Could be.
[00:14:08] Unknown:
You know I'm devoting my whole life to teaching the little kiddies how to speak perfectly the King's English. Yes. Yes. I went to one of the most famous colleges in England. Eaton? Yeah. Eating and drinking. I had a wonderful time.
[00:14:28] Unknown:
I was in London once. Yeah? I met a beautiful girl on the street one day. Piccadilly? I certainly did.
[00:14:37] Unknown:
You certainly did. I don't get it. Yeah. Love Kitzel, I understand you're directing the school play tonight. Yes, sir. Yeah, my friend. You know, my whole family was dramatic coaches. My grandfather was a coach. My father was a coach. My uncle was a coach. Oh, I come from a long line of coaches.
[00:14:56] Unknown:
And what are you, the caboose?
[00:14:59] Unknown:
Well, well, gentlemen, I'll see you tonight at the play. Now I must get back to my pupil. Just a minute, Kitzel. Just a minute. Is my kid brother Sebastian in your English class? Is that little Sebastian your brother? Woo hoo. Is he a bright little chappy? You know, he is speaking the best angles from the whole school. Just a second, I'll call him. Sebastian.
[00:15:27] Unknown:
Hello, Sebastian. Hello. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. Professor Kittel just told me that you're the best English pupil in this whole class.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
Is that true?
[00:15:39] Unknown:
Yeah. Of course be.
[00:15:57] Unknown:
Lovely Connie Haines and a lovely song together.
[00:16:27] Unknown:
Love's always will be together. You're gone from me, but in my
[00:18:06] Unknown:
You know, radio sure is a wonderful triumph of modern science. But as yet, we haven't found out how to broadcast the flavor of a cigarette over a microphone. Only your own taste can tell you which cigarette you like best. And only your own throat can tell you which cigarette likes you best. So why not give your t zone, that's t for throat and t for taste, a chance to judge the cigarette it likes best. Give your taste a chance to try the rich full flavor of Camel's blend of costlier tobaccos. Give your throat the chance to try Camel's kind cool mildness. Like millions of smokers, you too may find that your cigarette is
[00:18:45] Unknown:
c a m e l s. Camels.
[00:18:48] Unknown:
Let them tell their own story to your own t zone today.
[00:19:00] Unknown:
Good evening, members of the Parents and Teachers Club of Paterson and all you dirty, sincere little kitty. We have a great surprise for you tonight. One of our former pupils, Lou Costello, has consented to present a play for us. Most of you remember Lou Costello. In his school day, he was the head boy along this block. And let us listen to this blockhead.
[00:19:27] Unknown:
Costello, Costello, the audience is waiting for you. You've just been introduced to open this door.
[00:19:33] Unknown:
Here I am, Uncle Bud. Sebastian.
[00:19:35] Unknown:
What are you doing in your brother's makeup and his costume?
[00:19:39] Unknown:
What is the meaning of this? Louis has disappeared. Disappeared? Mhmm. Don't worry, Uncle Butt. What do you mean? I'm going out on the stage and I'm gonna take his place. And the Yoneys will never know the difference. I put on this big, big putty nose that I got and I put on my nose. This big putty nose. But Sebastian,
[00:19:54] Unknown:
you've got the putty down over the end of your nose. How are you going to smell?
[00:19:59] Unknown:
Alright. Unless they turn on to heat.
[00:20:01] Unknown:
Look Sebastian,
[00:20:03] Unknown:
what are you going to do when you get out on that stage? Well, I'm gonna tell them a story about Romeo and Juliet and it was written by William Shakespeare, a very great ether. Ether? Mhmm. You mean author. Ether puts people asleep. That's what the story's gonna do.
[00:20:18] Unknown:
Gale, alright as long as Lou isn't here I I suppose you'll have to do it. Okay? Come on hurry up. The curtains going up. Come on. There you are.
[00:20:28] Unknown:
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm about to tell you the story of Romeo and Juliet. Now, I don't want any interruptions from you, Uncle Abbott. Go ahead. Let me just My big brother told me how you interrupt him. Well, go ahead. But don't interrupt me. Tell that story. Don't tell me that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I lost my place like my big brother. Now, I am I'm not kidding. Once upon a time, there was a fellow named Romeo. Romeo?
[00:20:58] Unknown:
What did this Romeo look like? I got out of that one. Well, alright. What did he look like?
[00:21:03] Unknown:
What did he look like? Well, he he was about how do I know what he looked like? I never met the guy. Then why do you tell stories about people you don't even know? Nobody
[00:21:13] Unknown:
knows Romeo. He's just a guy in the story. He's an imaginary character. Oh, you mean he's just a person in fancy. In fancy? In fancy what? In fancy nothing. That's a good way to catch cool.
[00:21:25] Unknown:
Now look, Uncle Porter, if you just shut up I'll tell a story. Alright. Go ahead. I won't say anymore. Okay. Alright. Go ahead. Once upon a time there was a fellow named Romeo and he was his father's only son. Well that's right. He was his father's heir. His what? His father's heir. His father didn't have any hair. He was bald headed. Alright. Go ahead. Now, don't let me. Alright. Go ahead. Now, there's a girl in the story and her name is Juliet. And her father was given a big party, you know, to kind of, sort of shove her into society. Oh, yeah. You mean she was making her debut? I don't know if it was her debut or her night view.
All I know it was her first party and a lot of people was invited to see her and stuff. I I Kings? Well you see the the folks are coming in, to her coming out party. How can you come in to come out? She was inside already. Naturally. She had to come in to come out. What did she want to come out for? She was inside. This wasn't an outdoor affair. Alright. Alright. This was the inside. I know that. You told me that. Alright. Well, if people are gonna come in to come out, there's no use of going out to come in. Alright then. Why don't they stay home? Look Sebastian. You don't understand. How do you stay home? Look. You don't understand, Sebastian. Stay home. Now listen, please. You want me to tell your big brother on you? Anybody got lozenges? Listen, please.
[00:22:41] Unknown:
Look. The party brings her out.
[00:22:43] Unknown:
The party brings her out? That's right. Why should the party bring her out? What did the little girl do? No. No. No. No. No. No. The party didn't even start. Some guy right away wants to drag her out. No. You don't understand. Why don't they leave the little kid alone? Now now now Sebastian. She wasn't drinking. But because listen, Sebastian. ABC had one pasta. Now Sebastian.
[00:23:03] Unknown:
Then they have to roll to get us. Okay? Alright. Alright. Alright. You lost again. Alright. Go on with the story. Well, look. Look. Wasn't, look. Wasn't Romeo invited to this party? Not longer. Look, wasn't Romeo invited to this party is what I wanna know, wasn't he? Oh, sure. No.
[00:23:20] Unknown:
No. You see, Juliet's father thank you, mister Bernard. Juliet's father I need him. Now come on, Sebastian. Then Juliet's father didn't like Romeo. Yes. So he had to put on a mask and he borrowed another guy's clothes and he went away. Oh, Romeo went in disguise. Yeah. In this guy's clothes. I see. I see. I see. I see. You You see, uncle, but Romeo and Juliette's father was enemies, and they was fighting for fifteen years. They they didn't like each other? Yeah. Which family, brought on the feud? They both brought on the feud, but Romeo wouldn't eat it. He was love shit. He kept getting thin and pale. Oh, I see. He looked one. Oh, yeah.
He what'd you say? I said he looked one. Don't you know what one is? Yeah. One is the number before two. No. No. No. No. One, two, a fart in my shirt. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. One means picket. Romeo was picket. Oh, sure. He was picket through the t hole at Juliet. Now Sebastian. Well, if I was there, I'd have picket. I'd have Hey, Sebastian. Would you please go on with the play? Well, anyway, every night Juliet used to sit on the balcony. Why did she sit in the balcony? Because she couldn't afford a seat in the orchestra. Sure. Alright. Alright. And she liked to sit in the balcony. Alright. Now don't argue. There she could smoke. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I understand. Put her feet on the rails. Yes. Yes. Go on. Go ahead. So far so good. Go ahead. One night I hope I can hold out. One night, Juliet
[00:24:52] Unknown:
dropped her handkerchief and Romeo picked it up and handed it to her. And, what did, Juliet do when Romeo handed her the handkerchief? She's done like anybody else. What? What? What? Just what? Well, you know what I mean. Wait. Do you know the story, don't you? Oh, yes. She Well, what did Juliet do when Romeo handed her the handkerchief? You know, like they always What did she do?
[00:25:09] Unknown:
She wiped her nose. Alright now.
[00:25:12] Unknown:
Geez. Did you have to make me say that? Well, alright. Never mind. I mean, it's your line. Alright. But look Sebastian, as I remember the story, Romeo had a rival and they fought a duel with lances. Now what I can't understand is why did the other fellow kick Romeo when Romeo dropped his lance? Because he caught Romeo with his lance down. Look. That's enough Sebastian. Stop the play. Stop it. I say ladies and gentlemen, the play is over. Bring down the curtain. Hey. Hey. Hey. What's the idea of stopping the play, Uncle Bud? Sebastian, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Not only have you disgraced your brother Lou, but you stand there and make a monkey out of a great masterpiece. You ridicule Romeo and Juliet, the greatest love story of all time, and you deliberately instilled the name of William Shakespeare. Why do you do these wicked things? Oh,
[00:25:59] Unknown:
I'm a bad boy.
[00:26:02] Unknown:
Yeah. I'll say you're a bad boy.
[00:26:04] Unknown:
Oh, I'm the kind of kid my mother won't let me associate with. You certainly are.
[00:26:10] Unknown:
Now come here. Now where is your brother Lou? I think he might be in the fourth grade classroom, uncle Bud. What makes you think that? Because I locked him in there before the show. Sebastian, Unlock that door and let your brother out. He's probably in there crying his eyes out because he missed the play. Go on. Open that door. Okay, Uncle Bud. Go ahead.
[00:26:28] Unknown:
I love you militant, my darling. I love you too, Goddello.
[00:26:32] Unknown:
Kiss me my twink.
[00:26:35] Unknown:
Costello.
[00:26:36] Unknown:
Costello. What are you doing making love with a fourth grade teacher? You know she's the janitor's girl. You're telling me, Abbott. And I'm the new janitor. But you missed the whole play. Oh, don't worry, Abbott. Millicent and I are gonna put on another play tomorrow night. Another play? Yeah. And I'm calling it the girl who eloped with the new janitor or gone with the window cleaner.
[00:26:59] Unknown:
I love you Costello
[00:27:01] Unknown:
my sweet. I love you too, Millicent, my sweet.
[00:27:05] Unknown:
Oh, he's a bad boy.
[00:27:15] Unknown:
Adam and Costello will be back in a moment.
[00:27:21] Unknown:
Thanks to the Yanks of the Week. Tonight, we salute technical sergeant jar James h Logan of Luling, Texas, who is one of only two men in this war to receive both the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Distinguished Service Cross. In your honor, Sergeant James M Logan, the makers of camels are sending to our fighters overseas 400,000 camel cigarettes.
[00:27:45] Unknown:
Each of the three Camel Radio shows honors a yank of the week by sending free 400,000 camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week. In this country, the camel caravans traveling from camp to camp have thanked audiences of more than 4,000,000 yanks with free shows and free camels. Camel broadcast go out to The United States Three times a week, are rebroadcast to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore, Monday to Bob Hawkin, thanks to the yanks, and next Thursday to Abbott and Costello. And before we hear from the boys, I'd like to say the merchant marine needs more men to man the supply lines to victory. And to eligible men, it offers not only a well paid and worthy present, but a splendid future.
In six months time now, you can make the progress it would have taken you three years to make before Pearl Harbor. Get all the facts. Go to any United States Employment Service office or wire collect to the United States Merchant Marine Washington DC.
[00:28:46] Unknown:
Now here are Bud and Lou Costello with the final word. Thanks, Ken. But it's getting a little late, so all we'll have time to say is just good night, folks. And good night to everybody. Good night, please. Bye, Bons. Bye, Bons. Good night, folks. Everybody in part of the new Chevy. Good night, neighbors. Good night, neighbors.
[00:29:09] Unknown:
Be sure to tune in next week for another great Abbott and Costello show. And remember, try Camel's on your throat and your taste. See for yourself how Camel's mildness, coolness, and flavor click with you.
[00:29:27] Unknown:
If you are a hermit living in some lonely cave, don't listen to this because you're one of the few men in the world who can pack his pipe with any old tobacco he pleases and get away with it. But if you want your pipe to make a hit with people around you as well as yourself, then load up with Prince Albert. That wonderful fragrance, that aged in the wood aroma gives your pipe real pipe appeal to other folks as well as yourself. Besides that fragrance, Prince Albert has a rich, full bodied, yet mild flavor. It's no bite treated for tongue gentleness.
It's crimp cut to pack, draw, and burn perfectly. And what a bargain. Just about 50 pipe bowls in one regular two ounce package. More pipes smoke Prince Albert than any other tobacco in the world.
[00:30:14] Unknown:
The Abbott and Costello Show for Camel cigarettes will be back at this very same time next week. Don't miss it. This is Ken Niles in Hollywood wishing you a pleasant good night.
[00:30:26] Unknown:
This is the National Broadcasting Company.
