In this lively episode, we dive into a comedic skit featuring the iconic duo Abbott and Costello, as they prepare for a special guest appearance by the legendary Frank Sinatra. The episode is filled with humorous exchanges, witty banter, and classic misunderstandings, as Costello grapples with his jealousy and admiration for Sinatra. The duo's antics are further amplified by the presence of a fan club president, a nurse, and a special microphone delivery, all adding to the chaos and hilarity of the situation.
As the episode unfolds, listeners are treated to a nostalgic trip back to school days with a playful classroom scene, where Abbott, Costello, and Sinatra engage in a series of comedic routines. The episode culminates in a delightful musical number, "One Meatball," showcasing Costello's desire to sing alongside Sinatra. This episode is a perfect blend of classic comedy, musical interludes, and the timeless charm of Abbott and Costello, making it a must-listen for fans of vintage radio comedy.
(00:00) Introduction and Chumba Casino
(01:12) Costello's Comedic Antics
(08:48) Frank Sinatra Joins the Show
(12:17) School Days Skit
(16:08) Musical Finale with Frank Sinatra
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
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[00:00:29] Unknown:
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[00:00:37] Unknown:
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[00:00:42] Unknown:
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[00:01:13] Unknown:
Costello, where have you been? And who's that fellow standing behind you? Oh, this guy. He works for me, Eric. What does he do for you? Well, I broke my suspended this morning, and he follows me around and holds his hands on my hips. Come. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed of yourself. With you. Come here. Come here, Rastela. You should be ashamed of yourself. Just look at the condition of your clothes. You know we're having Frank Sinatra on our, program, and I do know that, don't you? Yes. Now how can you be so untidy? Who? I'm untidy? You are. Did you ever get a good look at Sinatra? That guy looks like a stand in for a dust mop. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. We'll have no incels. Sinatra is considered a very handsome man. Handsome. He's so skinny. If they wanted to hang him, they'd have to put the rope under his arms. Costello looks aren't everything. Sinatra is very intelligent. He's a college man. He has a sheepskin. Quite anywhere a veil, and nobody will notice him.
You should be very glad that Sinatra is coming here tonight. We may even persuade him to sing for us. Yeah. But if there's gonna be anything in here tonight, I will do it, not Senetra. But, Costello, how can you compare yourself to Frank? Senetra has Alan. I've got tolerance. Senetra appeals to women. I appeal to women. Senetra makes $30,000 a week. I appeal to women. Hey, Abbot. You shouldn't have invited that guy over here. It's dangerous. We're liable to be stampeded by our mama James. Costello, Sinatra's fans are not dangerous. Oh, no? With his last picture played in North Hollywood, Six Ushers got the purple heart. Oh, okay. Talk, Santa. What do you think? Just talk, Santa. It's all I ask of you. Listen. There's been crazy people hanging around the studio all day. One dame came in and she had what did she have? I can't read right. Let's see. Oh, yeah. One thing to do with a pot of geranium. Well, what's crazy about that? They were growing out of her head.
Until I believe you're jealous of Sinatra's person's magnetism. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. You are. I didn't know Sinatra had magnetism. That's terrible. Right. My grandmother has magnetism in the right lane. No. No. No. No. No. You dummy. Your grandmother doesn't have magnetism. She has rheumatism. She gets stiff in the joints. Shame on you, Abbott. My grandmother never took a drink in her life.
[00:03:22] Unknown:
I beg your pardon, gentlemen. Which part of you is Sinatra?
[00:03:25] Unknown:
Abbott. I'll bet this girl was sent here by Tommy Dorsey.
[00:03:30] Unknown:
Just a minute, junior. You are addressing the president of the Peking Avenue branch of the Sam Sinatra fan club.
[00:03:37] Unknown:
Madam, madam, please. The name is Frank Sinatra.
[00:03:40] Unknown:
Not in Brooklyn, it ain't. Do you know that in my branch of the Sam Sinatra fan club, we got over 400 members, not including the group.
[00:03:51] Unknown:
Who who are the groups? Estimate or children.
[00:03:55] Unknown:
How dare you talk that bad about Sinatra?
[00:03:57] Unknown:
His voice really sends the girl. That's nothing, kid. My voice not only sends him, but it wraps him up, plates him, and delivers him right to the door. Oh. And you see that cuttillo? Women are crazy about Frank's house. I can't understand it. When he was born, the stork delivered them to the YMCA. He went for. So they could fill them up a little before showing them to his folks. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Well, I didn't set week. Oh, come on, please. You got you gotta stop making that ragged, Costello. I told you you're not a singer. Oh, is that so? I used to sing in a quartet with another guy. Another guy? Yeah. There are only four people in a quartet. No wonder we sounded so loud. Hey, Costello. Look. You have no business singing on the same program with Sennapar. He has a train voice. He has the heat. He has color. He sings in Technicolor? No. No. No. Nobody knows the finer point, such as breathing. I know breathing too. I've been breathing for years. It's a habit I picked up when I was a kid. Besides, what makes you so sure that Sinatra is breathing?
I hey. Just gotta listen. There's somebody at the door. I wonder who it is. It ain't Sinatra. He can't knock that hard. Come in. Good evening, gentlemen. I have a special microphone for mister Sinatra. What's the matter with the microphone we got here? It's too wide. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What is this? Come here, big boy. I see you want mister Sinatra to be seen. Hey? That guy could hide behind a wire. I wonder what Syneptra does with a straight point. Everybody is allowed a little meat. Well, here's a special microphone, and be careful of it. Now wait a minute, mister. I'd like to ask you a question. Well, what is it? When Syneptra sings, does he stand up? Of course. Alone? Yes. Indeed. I'll be sure not to break the handles off his microphone.
Bye.
[00:05:52] Unknown:
Well, good evening, sir. I'm mister Synaptor's nurse.
[00:06:00] Unknown:
You mean you mean to say he's still got a nurse? Costello, there's nothing unusual about that. Boy, didn't you ever have a nurse, young man? Yeah. But I let her go when I was six weeks old. And if she looked like you, I wouldn't have waited that long.
[00:06:13] Unknown:
Now don't mind, Costello. What can we do for you, miss? Well, you see, we always examine everybody who comes in contact with missus Sinatra. Now this little cat man here looks like he might provide a very good home for germs.
[00:06:28] Unknown:
Keep my relatives out of this. Open your mouth, please. Say,
[00:06:33] Unknown:
Open your mouth. Alright. Open wider.
[00:06:41] Unknown:
Uh-huh. Wider. Wipe your feet off before you come in.
[00:06:47] Unknown:
Now, mister Costello, has anybody taken your pulse late? No. I got it right here with me.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
What's the matter? I think I left it in my other suit. Estello, pull out your wrist and let the nurse feel your pulse. Well, I just met the women. We we we hardly know each other. Oh, don't be silly now. Go ahead. What have you got to lose? Give her your wrist. Alright. Yeah. You got it. My this is great. What's the matter?
[00:07:13] Unknown:
This is the first pulse I ever saw with short ears and a long tail.
[00:07:19] Unknown:
You're looking at my Mickey Mouse wristwatch. Look, kid. Does your face hurt you? No. It's killing me. Telegram, Robin Costello. Telegram. What a what a busy joint this is. I'll take the color telegram. Well yeah. Well, do tell. Do tell. Well, alright. Well, what does it say? I don't know. I can't read. Oh, give me give me that telegram. Let's see. It says, dear rabbit and Costello, the Hasbrooke Heights, Sinatra fans will all be listening to your show tonight. Signed, Roberta stockings. Roberta stockings? Mhmm. That must be a high hat for bobby socks. Bobby socks. Wahoo.
See you. Where is Hasbuk Heights? Go ahead. It's New Jersey, and it's Frank Sinatra's hometown. What? He's from New Jersey? My home state? Well, that's right. Now aren't you ashamed of yourself? All those nasty things you said about Frank, I'm in a terrible fix habit. You should. Oh, whatever you do, don't tell anybody what I said because it's liable to get to Harry James, and Harry James is liable to talk to Betty Goodman, and Betty Goodman is liable to tell it to Spike Jones, and Spike Jones is liable to tell it to Margaret O'Brien, and then she won't play jacks with me anymore just when I'm up to my foursies. I beg your pardon, gentlemen. Frank Sinatra is here. Okay. Just slip him under the door.
Oh, fellas. Frank, we want to welcome you to our program. Well, thanks, boy. Yeah, Frankie. I was just telling Abbott what a nice guy you are. Yeah. I heard you. So you're up to your Fosys, Well, any more crack like that and you'll be up to your necky and muddy. Oh, he was on he was only kidding, Frank. Tesla loves you. He's from New Jersey. Do you know? Yes, sir. I'm from Patterson, New Jersey. Hey, Frank. How far is that from Hatzler Kites? To you, it would be about a twenty minute ride in the patrol wagon. You know, for a thin guy, he's getting some pretty
[00:09:32] Unknown:
fat chew. With your shape, I wouldn't talk, kid.
[00:09:35] Unknown:
Well, I may be a little fogy.
[00:09:39] Unknown:
But remember, even an army travels on the stomach. If you get any bigger, an army will be able to camp on yours.
[00:09:45] Unknown:
And it's New Jersey or no New Jersey. This guy is desperate for it. I'll stop telling it. Cut it out. Cut it out. He's just my size. Mind that. Wife. Alright. Look. You and Frank you and Frank should get along fine. You're both from New Jersey, and you should have a lot of friends in common. He's probably got a lot of common friends. Never mind that. Sure, Costello. You must remember a lot of the boys back home. Did you know Matt Hickey? Matt Hickey? Sure. He sat in the back of me in the second grade. He was a little short kid with a mustache.
[00:10:19] Unknown:
You know, many of the time I played hooky with Hickey to play hockey.
[00:10:24] Unknown:
Now you're getting hooky.
[00:10:27] Unknown:
Hi. Yeah. Fine. Why didn't you tell me Frank Sinatra was coming here? Well, hello, Connie. Yeah. I haven't seen your art since we worked together with Darcy's band. Well, I didn't know that you two knew each other. Of course. Frank and I are old friends. I knew him before he put on all that weight. Watch
[00:10:47] Unknown:
those cracks, Connie, or you'll be up to your next day and munchy.
[00:10:51] Unknown:
Gee, Connie, it's so good to see you. Dave, you're not doing anything after the show. Talking about taking a little walk with me. I'd love to. And see, that's a small idea. The three of us can take a walk, and we could talk about New Jersey. Well, I plan to take Connie for a little drive up to Beverly Hills. Oh, good. Good. That would be cozy. Just the three of us. Then I thought we'd stroll through the park for a while. How romantic. Just the three of us. Then I'm taking Connie to Syrah's for a $20 dinner. Well, you finally got rid of me.
[00:11:26] Unknown:
Oh, that was a swell song you sang, Frankie. Next to Lana Turner, you're my favorite singer.
[00:11:32] Unknown:
Silly. Lana Turner can't sing. You don't have to.
[00:11:37] Unknown:
But I did. I like that dream number you did. You know, Frankie, that brought back memories of the past. Remnants of my school days. Costello, you mean reminiscences of your school days. Remnants are rags. Did you ever see my school clothes? I mean remnants.
[00:11:53] Unknown:
The last time I was in Hasbrouck, I, Lou, I stopped around to see my old schoolhouse. Just an ivy covered old building. Gee, you could've looked beautiful to me. Good. Glad to hear you say that. Because when I went back to Patterson, I visited my old school house tooth making
[00:12:08] Unknown:
a little red building nestled in the woods. What a dump. I'm only kidding, Patterson.
[00:12:17] Unknown:
Sometimes I wish we could turn back to Fox and be kids all over again. Well, wait a minute. We can arrange that for you. Freddie Rich. A little school day music, please.
[00:12:31] Unknown:
Hey. Break it up, kids. Break it up. Hey. Hey. Hey. Break it up, kids. It comes to teach you. Oh, just when the thighs are hot.
[00:12:42] Unknown:
Good morning, children. Good morning, mister. We'll now go to the road. Chauncey Abbott?
[00:12:50] Unknown:
Present. Oh, Chauncey. No wonder we changed his name to fun.
[00:12:54] Unknown:
The Connie Hayes? Present. The Frank Sinatra? Frank Sinatra. Are you here? And now the girl will return to their own seat. Wait a minute. Sit down. Oh.
[00:13:15] Unknown:
Wait a minute. Sit down. I put text on her seat.
[00:13:18] Unknown:
You, Cottrell. You may go to the blackboard and write I am a dope a hundred times. I gotta go to the blackboard and write you are a dope a hundred times? Not you are a dope. I am a dope. That's what I've been saying all along.
[00:13:29] Unknown:
Hey, Pisha. How do you spell dope?
[00:13:31] Unknown:
Frank Sinatra. Spell dope.
[00:13:33] Unknown:
D o a p, dope. Wrong. R o n g, wrong. See, it's a good thing I can sing,
[00:13:44] Unknown:
Lou Costello, go back to your seat and get out your homework. Okay.
[00:13:48] Unknown:
Hey, Abbot. I got a very tough question here in my homework. Who invented the steam engine? No. What invented the steam engine? What? That's correct. What's correct, sir? Do me. Look. All I said was who invented the steam engine, and I'm telling you who didn't invent the steam engine. I don't wanna know who didn't invent it. I wanna know who did. What? Here we go again. Look. I asked you who invented the steam engine. Right? No. Wright invented the airplane. What invented the steam engine? What's that second?
[00:14:18] Unknown:
Evan Costello, what are you two boys doing? We're breaking in a little routine. Well, break it up. Frank Sinatra, name all the evidence of The United States.
[00:14:29] Unknown:
But I don't know them all. When I was your age, I could name them all. When you were my age, there were only three of them.
[00:14:38] Unknown:
There were fours of theirs. Now we'll try arithmetic. You're cutting edge? You have your arithmetic problem ready? Yes, teacher. I'll read it. A buys the barrel of apples from b for $2. P sells them to c for $4. P sells them to d for $8.
[00:14:55] Unknown:
Warriors. H's gonna get stuck.
[00:14:58] Unknown:
That's the wrong answer. And just to that, Frank Sinatra will stay after school. For what? For me.
[00:15:11] Unknown:
Well, I won't do it. Then I insist on speaking to your father. Go ahead. He's sitting in the last row.
[00:15:21] Unknown:
Teacher, can I ask you a question? Go ahead, Cartelo. Yeah. I've been reading this book, and it says that the bees take the pollen from one flower and bring it to another flower. And then they take the pollen from another flower and bring it to another flower. And then after a while, there's lots of flowers. Yeah. Well, what I wanna know is, where's Stitcher Rose Lee playing tonight?
[00:15:39] Unknown:
Lou Costello. You are a disgrace to the entire school. No. He ain't, teacher. We kids are proud of Lou Costello, and we have selected him as the boy in our class with the forehead most likely to receive.
[00:15:55] Unknown:
Children, children,
[00:15:57] Unknown:
Frankston up. I project that both you and your friend, Lou Cartiello, will eventually wind up in the desert. Schools as this.
[00:16:09] Unknown:
Boy, well, you know those school days are mighty happy days. You know something, Frank? I like you. You're a nice guy, and I hope you're not jealous.
[00:16:17] Unknown:
Why would I be jealous of you? Well, on account of I'm a singer too. Well, I'm glad to hear it. There's always room for one more singer on the radio. Frank, I want you to do me a favor.
[00:16:26] Unknown:
My mother is listening in tonight, and unless she wants to hear me singing, also my uncle Artie Stebbins is listening to me. Now if you would sing a song with me, that would be a feather in my cap.
[00:16:37] Unknown:
Okay. Take this piece of music, and I'll make you an Indian tea. Now I'll start the song, and you join in when, I come to your part. Just give me one of the sheets so we're both licked. I have your part marked in red. A little man walked up and down, found an eating place in town. He looked up menu through and through to see what 15¢ could do. One. Meatball.
[00:17:06] Unknown:
One. Meatball.
[00:17:09] Unknown:
He could afford but one. Meatball. He told the waiter nearest hand a simple dinner he had planned. The folks were startled one and all. To hear that waiter loudly call one Meatball.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
One. Meatball.
[00:17:33] Unknown:
Pay this debt once. One.
[00:17:35] Unknown:
Meatball. Meatball.
[00:17:39] Unknown:
One.
[00:17:42] Unknown:
Meatball. This is my line.
[00:17:53] Unknown:
One Meatball. You'll get no breath. Woo hoo. Lost my place again.
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[00:00:29] Unknown:
No purchase necessary. DGW. Avoid prohibited by law. Terms and conditions, 18 plus. Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring. A laundry?
[00:00:37] Unknown:
Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire.
[00:00:42] Unknown:
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[00:01:13] Unknown:
Costello, where have you been? And who's that fellow standing behind you? Oh, this guy. He works for me, Eric. What does he do for you? Well, I broke my suspended this morning, and he follows me around and holds his hands on my hips. Come. You should be ashamed. You should be ashamed of yourself. With you. Come here. Come here, Rastela. You should be ashamed of yourself. Just look at the condition of your clothes. You know we're having Frank Sinatra on our, program, and I do know that, don't you? Yes. Now how can you be so untidy? Who? I'm untidy? You are. Did you ever get a good look at Sinatra? That guy looks like a stand in for a dust mop. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. We'll have no incels. Sinatra is considered a very handsome man. Handsome. He's so skinny. If they wanted to hang him, they'd have to put the rope under his arms. Costello looks aren't everything. Sinatra is very intelligent. He's a college man. He has a sheepskin. Quite anywhere a veil, and nobody will notice him.
You should be very glad that Sinatra is coming here tonight. We may even persuade him to sing for us. Yeah. But if there's gonna be anything in here tonight, I will do it, not Senetra. But, Costello, how can you compare yourself to Frank? Senetra has Alan. I've got tolerance. Senetra appeals to women. I appeal to women. Senetra makes $30,000 a week. I appeal to women. Hey, Abbot. You shouldn't have invited that guy over here. It's dangerous. We're liable to be stampeded by our mama James. Costello, Sinatra's fans are not dangerous. Oh, no? With his last picture played in North Hollywood, Six Ushers got the purple heart. Oh, okay. Talk, Santa. What do you think? Just talk, Santa. It's all I ask of you. Listen. There's been crazy people hanging around the studio all day. One dame came in and she had what did she have? I can't read right. Let's see. Oh, yeah. One thing to do with a pot of geranium. Well, what's crazy about that? They were growing out of her head.
Until I believe you're jealous of Sinatra's person's magnetism. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. You are. I didn't know Sinatra had magnetism. That's terrible. Right. My grandmother has magnetism in the right lane. No. No. No. No. No. You dummy. Your grandmother doesn't have magnetism. She has rheumatism. She gets stiff in the joints. Shame on you, Abbott. My grandmother never took a drink in her life.
[00:03:22] Unknown:
I beg your pardon, gentlemen. Which part of you is Sinatra?
[00:03:25] Unknown:
Abbott. I'll bet this girl was sent here by Tommy Dorsey.
[00:03:30] Unknown:
Just a minute, junior. You are addressing the president of the Peking Avenue branch of the Sam Sinatra fan club.
[00:03:37] Unknown:
Madam, madam, please. The name is Frank Sinatra.
[00:03:40] Unknown:
Not in Brooklyn, it ain't. Do you know that in my branch of the Sam Sinatra fan club, we got over 400 members, not including the group.
[00:03:51] Unknown:
Who who are the groups? Estimate or children.
[00:03:55] Unknown:
How dare you talk that bad about Sinatra?
[00:03:57] Unknown:
His voice really sends the girl. That's nothing, kid. My voice not only sends him, but it wraps him up, plates him, and delivers him right to the door. Oh. And you see that cuttillo? Women are crazy about Frank's house. I can't understand it. When he was born, the stork delivered them to the YMCA. He went for. So they could fill them up a little before showing them to his folks. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Well, I didn't set week. Oh, come on, please. You got you gotta stop making that ragged, Costello. I told you you're not a singer. Oh, is that so? I used to sing in a quartet with another guy. Another guy? Yeah. There are only four people in a quartet. No wonder we sounded so loud. Hey, Costello. Look. You have no business singing on the same program with Sennapar. He has a train voice. He has the heat. He has color. He sings in Technicolor? No. No. No. Nobody knows the finer point, such as breathing. I know breathing too. I've been breathing for years. It's a habit I picked up when I was a kid. Besides, what makes you so sure that Sinatra is breathing?
I hey. Just gotta listen. There's somebody at the door. I wonder who it is. It ain't Sinatra. He can't knock that hard. Come in. Good evening, gentlemen. I have a special microphone for mister Sinatra. What's the matter with the microphone we got here? It's too wide. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What is this? Come here, big boy. I see you want mister Sinatra to be seen. Hey? That guy could hide behind a wire. I wonder what Syneptra does with a straight point. Everybody is allowed a little meat. Well, here's a special microphone, and be careful of it. Now wait a minute, mister. I'd like to ask you a question. Well, what is it? When Syneptra sings, does he stand up? Of course. Alone? Yes. Indeed. I'll be sure not to break the handles off his microphone.
Bye.
[00:05:52] Unknown:
Well, good evening, sir. I'm mister Synaptor's nurse.
[00:06:00] Unknown:
You mean you mean to say he's still got a nurse? Costello, there's nothing unusual about that. Boy, didn't you ever have a nurse, young man? Yeah. But I let her go when I was six weeks old. And if she looked like you, I wouldn't have waited that long.
[00:06:13] Unknown:
Now don't mind, Costello. What can we do for you, miss? Well, you see, we always examine everybody who comes in contact with missus Sinatra. Now this little cat man here looks like he might provide a very good home for germs.
[00:06:28] Unknown:
Keep my relatives out of this. Open your mouth, please. Say,
[00:06:33] Unknown:
Open your mouth. Alright. Open wider.
[00:06:41] Unknown:
Uh-huh. Wider. Wipe your feet off before you come in.
[00:06:47] Unknown:
Now, mister Costello, has anybody taken your pulse late? No. I got it right here with me.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
What's the matter? I think I left it in my other suit. Estello, pull out your wrist and let the nurse feel your pulse. Well, I just met the women. We we we hardly know each other. Oh, don't be silly now. Go ahead. What have you got to lose? Give her your wrist. Alright. Yeah. You got it. My this is great. What's the matter?
[00:07:13] Unknown:
This is the first pulse I ever saw with short ears and a long tail.
[00:07:19] Unknown:
You're looking at my Mickey Mouse wristwatch. Look, kid. Does your face hurt you? No. It's killing me. Telegram, Robin Costello. Telegram. What a what a busy joint this is. I'll take the color telegram. Well yeah. Well, do tell. Do tell. Well, alright. Well, what does it say? I don't know. I can't read. Oh, give me give me that telegram. Let's see. It says, dear rabbit and Costello, the Hasbrooke Heights, Sinatra fans will all be listening to your show tonight. Signed, Roberta stockings. Roberta stockings? Mhmm. That must be a high hat for bobby socks. Bobby socks. Wahoo.
See you. Where is Hasbuk Heights? Go ahead. It's New Jersey, and it's Frank Sinatra's hometown. What? He's from New Jersey? My home state? Well, that's right. Now aren't you ashamed of yourself? All those nasty things you said about Frank, I'm in a terrible fix habit. You should. Oh, whatever you do, don't tell anybody what I said because it's liable to get to Harry James, and Harry James is liable to talk to Betty Goodman, and Betty Goodman is liable to tell it to Spike Jones, and Spike Jones is liable to tell it to Margaret O'Brien, and then she won't play jacks with me anymore just when I'm up to my foursies. I beg your pardon, gentlemen. Frank Sinatra is here. Okay. Just slip him under the door.
Oh, fellas. Frank, we want to welcome you to our program. Well, thanks, boy. Yeah, Frankie. I was just telling Abbott what a nice guy you are. Yeah. I heard you. So you're up to your Fosys, Well, any more crack like that and you'll be up to your necky and muddy. Oh, he was on he was only kidding, Frank. Tesla loves you. He's from New Jersey. Do you know? Yes, sir. I'm from Patterson, New Jersey. Hey, Frank. How far is that from Hatzler Kites? To you, it would be about a twenty minute ride in the patrol wagon. You know, for a thin guy, he's getting some pretty
[00:09:32] Unknown:
fat chew. With your shape, I wouldn't talk, kid.
[00:09:35] Unknown:
Well, I may be a little fogy.
[00:09:39] Unknown:
But remember, even an army travels on the stomach. If you get any bigger, an army will be able to camp on yours.
[00:09:45] Unknown:
And it's New Jersey or no New Jersey. This guy is desperate for it. I'll stop telling it. Cut it out. Cut it out. He's just my size. Mind that. Wife. Alright. Look. You and Frank you and Frank should get along fine. You're both from New Jersey, and you should have a lot of friends in common. He's probably got a lot of common friends. Never mind that. Sure, Costello. You must remember a lot of the boys back home. Did you know Matt Hickey? Matt Hickey? Sure. He sat in the back of me in the second grade. He was a little short kid with a mustache.
[00:10:19] Unknown:
You know, many of the time I played hooky with Hickey to play hockey.
[00:10:24] Unknown:
Now you're getting hooky.
[00:10:27] Unknown:
Hi. Yeah. Fine. Why didn't you tell me Frank Sinatra was coming here? Well, hello, Connie. Yeah. I haven't seen your art since we worked together with Darcy's band. Well, I didn't know that you two knew each other. Of course. Frank and I are old friends. I knew him before he put on all that weight. Watch
[00:10:47] Unknown:
those cracks, Connie, or you'll be up to your next day and munchy.
[00:10:51] Unknown:
Gee, Connie, it's so good to see you. Dave, you're not doing anything after the show. Talking about taking a little walk with me. I'd love to. And see, that's a small idea. The three of us can take a walk, and we could talk about New Jersey. Well, I plan to take Connie for a little drive up to Beverly Hills. Oh, good. Good. That would be cozy. Just the three of us. Then I thought we'd stroll through the park for a while. How romantic. Just the three of us. Then I'm taking Connie to Syrah's for a $20 dinner. Well, you finally got rid of me.
[00:11:26] Unknown:
Oh, that was a swell song you sang, Frankie. Next to Lana Turner, you're my favorite singer.
[00:11:32] Unknown:
Silly. Lana Turner can't sing. You don't have to.
[00:11:37] Unknown:
But I did. I like that dream number you did. You know, Frankie, that brought back memories of the past. Remnants of my school days. Costello, you mean reminiscences of your school days. Remnants are rags. Did you ever see my school clothes? I mean remnants.
[00:11:53] Unknown:
The last time I was in Hasbrouck, I, Lou, I stopped around to see my old schoolhouse. Just an ivy covered old building. Gee, you could've looked beautiful to me. Good. Glad to hear you say that. Because when I went back to Patterson, I visited my old school house tooth making
[00:12:08] Unknown:
a little red building nestled in the woods. What a dump. I'm only kidding, Patterson.
[00:12:17] Unknown:
Sometimes I wish we could turn back to Fox and be kids all over again. Well, wait a minute. We can arrange that for you. Freddie Rich. A little school day music, please.
[00:12:31] Unknown:
Hey. Break it up, kids. Break it up. Hey. Hey. Hey. Break it up, kids. It comes to teach you. Oh, just when the thighs are hot.
[00:12:42] Unknown:
Good morning, children. Good morning, mister. We'll now go to the road. Chauncey Abbott?
[00:12:50] Unknown:
Present. Oh, Chauncey. No wonder we changed his name to fun.
[00:12:54] Unknown:
The Connie Hayes? Present. The Frank Sinatra? Frank Sinatra. Are you here? And now the girl will return to their own seat. Wait a minute. Sit down. Oh.
[00:13:15] Unknown:
Wait a minute. Sit down. I put text on her seat.
[00:13:18] Unknown:
You, Cottrell. You may go to the blackboard and write I am a dope a hundred times. I gotta go to the blackboard and write you are a dope a hundred times? Not you are a dope. I am a dope. That's what I've been saying all along.
[00:13:29] Unknown:
Hey, Pisha. How do you spell dope?
[00:13:31] Unknown:
Frank Sinatra. Spell dope.
[00:13:33] Unknown:
D o a p, dope. Wrong. R o n g, wrong. See, it's a good thing I can sing,
[00:13:44] Unknown:
Lou Costello, go back to your seat and get out your homework. Okay.
[00:13:48] Unknown:
Hey, Abbot. I got a very tough question here in my homework. Who invented the steam engine? No. What invented the steam engine? What? That's correct. What's correct, sir? Do me. Look. All I said was who invented the steam engine, and I'm telling you who didn't invent the steam engine. I don't wanna know who didn't invent it. I wanna know who did. What? Here we go again. Look. I asked you who invented the steam engine. Right? No. Wright invented the airplane. What invented the steam engine? What's that second?
[00:14:18] Unknown:
Evan Costello, what are you two boys doing? We're breaking in a little routine. Well, break it up. Frank Sinatra, name all the evidence of The United States.
[00:14:29] Unknown:
But I don't know them all. When I was your age, I could name them all. When you were my age, there were only three of them.
[00:14:38] Unknown:
There were fours of theirs. Now we'll try arithmetic. You're cutting edge? You have your arithmetic problem ready? Yes, teacher. I'll read it. A buys the barrel of apples from b for $2. P sells them to c for $4. P sells them to d for $8.
[00:14:55] Unknown:
Warriors. H's gonna get stuck.
[00:14:58] Unknown:
That's the wrong answer. And just to that, Frank Sinatra will stay after school. For what? For me.
[00:15:11] Unknown:
Well, I won't do it. Then I insist on speaking to your father. Go ahead. He's sitting in the last row.
[00:15:21] Unknown:
Teacher, can I ask you a question? Go ahead, Cartelo. Yeah. I've been reading this book, and it says that the bees take the pollen from one flower and bring it to another flower. And then they take the pollen from another flower and bring it to another flower. And then after a while, there's lots of flowers. Yeah. Well, what I wanna know is, where's Stitcher Rose Lee playing tonight?
[00:15:39] Unknown:
Lou Costello. You are a disgrace to the entire school. No. He ain't, teacher. We kids are proud of Lou Costello, and we have selected him as the boy in our class with the forehead most likely to receive.
[00:15:55] Unknown:
Children, children,
[00:15:57] Unknown:
Frankston up. I project that both you and your friend, Lou Cartiello, will eventually wind up in the desert. Schools as this.
[00:16:09] Unknown:
Boy, well, you know those school days are mighty happy days. You know something, Frank? I like you. You're a nice guy, and I hope you're not jealous.
[00:16:17] Unknown:
Why would I be jealous of you? Well, on account of I'm a singer too. Well, I'm glad to hear it. There's always room for one more singer on the radio. Frank, I want you to do me a favor.
[00:16:26] Unknown:
My mother is listening in tonight, and unless she wants to hear me singing, also my uncle Artie Stebbins is listening to me. Now if you would sing a song with me, that would be a feather in my cap.
[00:16:37] Unknown:
Okay. Take this piece of music, and I'll make you an Indian tea. Now I'll start the song, and you join in when, I come to your part. Just give me one of the sheets so we're both licked. I have your part marked in red. A little man walked up and down, found an eating place in town. He looked up menu through and through to see what 15¢ could do. One. Meatball.
[00:17:06] Unknown:
One. Meatball.
[00:17:09] Unknown:
He could afford but one. Meatball. He told the waiter nearest hand a simple dinner he had planned. The folks were startled one and all. To hear that waiter loudly call one Meatball.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
One. Meatball.
[00:17:33] Unknown:
Pay this debt once. One.
[00:17:35] Unknown:
Meatball. Meatball.
[00:17:39] Unknown:
One.
[00:17:42] Unknown:
Meatball. This is my line.
[00:17:53] Unknown:
One Meatball. You'll get no breath. Woo hoo. Lost my place again.
