In this episode, we dive into a comedic adventure with Bud Abbott and Lou Costello as they embark on a quest to invest in a gold mine in Gold Tooth, Nevada. The duo's journey is filled with humorous misunderstandings and wordplay, particularly around the concept of "gold ore" and the process of mining. Costello's reluctance and Abbott's persuasion lead to a series of comedic exchanges, showcasing their classic banter and slapstick humor.
The episode takes a surreal turn as Costello dreams of a wild adventure in the desert, encountering quirky characters like a lifeguard in the middle of nowhere and a phony Indian selling blankets. The dream culminates in a frantic escape from a collapsing mine, only for Costello to wake up and realize it was all a dream. The episode ends with a humorous exchange between Costello and his brother Sebastian, highlighting the timeless comedic style of Abbott and Costello.
(00:30) Introduction and Fun Facts
(01:01) Abbott and Costello's Comedy Skit
(07:16) Journey to the Gold Mine
(12:37) The Red Dog Saloon Encounter
(17:01) Trapped in the Mine
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Yes, sir. Columbus discovered America, and America discovered our camel stars, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
[00:01:22] Unknown:
Here it is. Alright. Go ahead. Here it is. I'm paid one. Alright. I feel awful, I haven't. I really feel awful. I just got some terrible news. What do you mean? Get a load of this letter. What letter? It just came from my cousin, Corporal Hugo Castillo. Yes. He's been thrown into the guardhouse for bringing poison ivory into the camp. Poison ivory? Yes. I think you mean poison ivy? No. This was poison ivory. They caught him with loaded dice. I
[00:01:44] Unknown:
look, Costello. Forget about your cousin. I've got some I've got some important business to discuss with you. Oh, good. You know that $75 you made this summer working on your, Uncle Otte Sevens, farm? What about it? Well, I am going to invest it for you today. I'm going to double your money. You're going to double my money? Yes. No. You don't have it. Give me back my $75.
[00:02:07] Unknown:
What do you mean? I'll double it myself. How? I'll fold it once and put it back into my pocket.
[00:02:15] Unknown:
Cuttela, I'm not going to give you that money. You'll only squander it. Besides, I I, haven't got the money with me. You haven't had? No. What's that lump in your sock? Oh, that's my long underwear. How come your long underwear's got Lincoln's picture on it? Cuttela, there's no use on you. I've
[00:02:32] Unknown:
made our decision. You've made our decision. Exactly. What is our decision that you've made? I'm investing
[00:02:39] Unknown:
your $75 in a gold mine in Gold Tooth, Nevada. I don't want no gold mine. Nonsense, Costello. Do you know of an easier way to make money? Yeah. For Gypsy Rose Lee, beat me to it.
[00:02:52] Unknown:
I'd like to do a take off on Gypsy Rose Lee. Yeah. Alright. Never mind that. Pretty good. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Put that back. Put that back. Costello, I can see that you know nothing about mining. Oh, is that so? Yes. I spent all last night mining in my kitchen. Mining in your kitchen? Yeah. Council mining. Hello? Log test. Council mining. I I got a lot of give you one more try.
[00:03:15] Unknown:
Okay, Stella.
[00:03:16] Unknown:
Do you know where gold comes from? No. But I know where it goes to. Yeah. I know. Now give me back my $75
[00:03:22] Unknown:
Not so fast. For your information, gold comes from, ore. Gold comes from ore. Gold comes from or? Yeah. Or what? That's right. Gold or. Oh, thank you.
[00:03:39] Unknown:
Or what? Or nothing. Just plain or. Look. It's gotta be or something. No. No. No. No. You just can't let the participle dangle. It gets in front of the proposition. No. I tell you, Costello,
[00:03:53] Unknown:
it's just plain just plain or. Gold
[00:03:57] Unknown:
or. Abbot, you shouldn't talk without finishing your sentences. Your grammar is bad. My grammar is bad. Grammar is bad. Grammar is bad. I finished my sentences. How how do you think your grammar is? Well, she hasn't finished her sentence yet.
[00:04:14] Unknown:
Listen, Cartela. Get this through your thick skull. Gold comes from ore. Good. First, you dig the gold, then you smelt it.
[00:04:23] Unknown:
I do what? You smelt the gold. I didn't smelt nothing. I couldn't smelt it. I got a cold. Look. If he talks then, Costello, I mean, you dig up the gold and then you smelt it. Not me, Abbot. I ain't digging it up. Why not? If it's gonna smelt, why dig it up? Let it stay in the ground. But, Costello Not if it's going to smell, piles of dirt on it. Look, but Bury it deeper way, way down.
[00:04:53] Unknown:
Look, will you please be quiet? In order to refine the gold, you've got to smelt it. You smelt the gold ore. Gold ore what?
[00:05:02] Unknown:
Now don't start that again, please. You smelt the gold, and it comes out refined. It comes out refined? That's right. That don't make sense. Well, what do you mean? Well, if the gold is so refined, why does it smell? No.
[00:05:13] Unknown:
You still don't understand, Lou. First, you dig into the ground until you strike a vein of gold. A vein of gold? Certainly. Gold comes in vain. Is that why your veins are so lumpy? Listen. I'm not talking about my veins. Well, I am. But whose veins are you talking about? The veins I'm talking about are in the ground. And as you dig down deeper, you find that the veins get closer and closer together. Oh, just like my my grandfather. Your grandfather? Yes. He's in a very, very close vein. Will you stop talking and stop listening? As you follow the veins down into the ground, you finally come to the main vein, that way you strike your mother load.
[00:05:50] Unknown:
I take your pardon, that's where I strike what load? The mother load. The mother load. You strike the mother vein.
[00:05:58] Unknown:
How dare you?
[00:06:01] Unknown:
However, you and me is going up the alley. You have imbued on my good name. What do you mean? Now I'm a good natured bloke. You know that, Abbot. I know that. Now you can abuse me all you want, and and I've stood a lot from you. Alright. I have taken many, many insults, but I didn't mind because I'm beneath that. But at last, you have hurt and besmirched my honor. What in heaven's name are you talking about? I didn't mind when you told me that gold smelt, and I didn't care when you told me that even my refined gold smelt. I even forgave you, Abbot, when you said gold ore, and you refused to tell me or what. But when you asked me to go down into that mine and strike my mother in the vein while she was carrying a load that did it.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
Well, speaking of veins, whoever have seen a diagrammatic drawing of the human throat, what a wonderful intricate instrument it is, and how important that you Returning to our handsome heroes, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, we find that the convincing Abbott has induced the gullible Costello to invest his $75 in a gold mine called the Little Pauper Mine located in Gold Tooth, Nevada. As we look in on the boys, they are trekking across the burning sands of the Mojave Desert on their way to the mine. Here they are trekking, trekking, trekking.
[00:07:26] Unknown:
Eyes are trekking, the poong daddy, Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Yes. Would you behave yourself? Well, I was attracted. I know, but we've we've gotta get the gold tooth combata before dark.
[00:07:41] Unknown:
You know, I think we're lost now. I don't see any sign of a trail. Yeah.
[00:07:45] Unknown:
Look. There's a big rock over there with some writing on it. What does it say? What does it say? Can't you read?
[00:07:50] Unknown:
No. I can read reading, but I can't read writing.
[00:07:53] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:07:53] Unknown:
Get out of the way. Let's see. Okay. Says,
[00:07:56] Unknown:
under this stone lies Billy the Kid. Well, come on. What are you standing there for? Come on. Help me. Move this stone, Evan. What for? We gotta get that kid out of there. Oh, no. No. No. No. No. How can he breathe? I'm scared. Wait a minute. Yeah. Tell me. It says this rock marks the spot where Billy the Kid fell in 1861. Oh, no wonder the kid fell. I nearly tripped over the darn thing myself. But what's that mean is how did he get under the rock?
[00:08:20] Unknown:
Never mind that. Look. Hey. Wait a minute. Here comes a man across the desert. Maybe you can give us some information, some direction. Get a load of the guy. He's wearing a bathing suit. Yeah. Hey, you, what's the idea of wearing a swimming suit out here in the desert? I'm a lifeguard, a lifeguard, but there isn't any water within 200 miles of here. Yes. Large beast, isn't it?
[00:08:51] Unknown:
Hey, was that guy real or am I seeing a garage? Garage. The word is mirage. Oh, no, Evan. Mirage is what my mother puts on top of her pie. Lemon mirage pie.
[00:09:06] Unknown:
Oh, you don't mean mirage. You mean meringue. Meringue.
[00:09:10] Unknown:
Meringue? Yeah. Oh, no. That's what we use in our house instead of butter. Butter. Butter. You use meringue? Yeah. Holy old Mars, you eat meringue. Oh, the slippery stuff. Alright.
[00:09:22] Unknown:
Get a hold in your hand to to Peter. I know all about that. Come on. Come on, Cartella. We've got a long way to go before we get to the mine. Hey. Look. There's an Indian coming out of that cave over there. Maybe he knows the way. Well, if it's an Indian, Abbot, let's run. And what people probably wants us scallops for dinner.
[00:09:35] Unknown:
Fries scallops with head lettuce.
[00:09:38] Unknown:
Now don't be such a coward. He's just a peaceful Indian selling blankets. I'll speak to him. How much cost them blankets, chief? Of, $15. But, chief, fifteen dollars for that blanket? You make them priced too high. What size are strictly OPA dealing price? Casello, it's Kitzel.
[00:10:00] Unknown:
So it could be
[00:10:01] Unknown:
a house with you, my happy happy? Hey, Kittle. Are you an Indian? Only place in reservation.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
Yes. Oh, wait a minute, Kittle. Those are phony Indian blankets you got there. Why? Look. It says right here, made in Cleveland. Oh, pass. Didn't you ever hear of the Cleveland Indian?
[00:10:24] Unknown:
Look, Kitzel. We're trying to get to Costello's mine in Gold Tooke, Nevada, and we lost our way. Can you tell us where we can get an Indian guide? Why not? I'm just a wappity poppity. I'm an Indian.
[00:10:40] Unknown:
Will you keep quiet a minute?
[00:10:43] Unknown:
All right. Never mind. All
[00:10:46] Unknown:
right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.
[00:10:49] Unknown:
Look. Kittel,
[00:10:50] Unknown:
you're, pretty anemic looking in and You must be a half lead. Half lead? I told me I have
[00:10:58] Unknown:
I don't like it.
[00:11:00] Unknown:
Look, Getzel, I don't like it here either. Now where can I get a drink around here? I'm all for thirsty. Well, now here, just try a little sip of these homemade pectus, dude. Oh, good. Okay. I'll fry it.
[00:11:18] Unknown:
Hey, this stuff is killing me. Well, I wouldn't take I can't understand that that cactus juice was made poisionally by the Blackfeet Indian. Well, they must have left one of their feet in it.
[00:11:30] Unknown:
It's kicking me in the stomach.
[00:11:32] Unknown:
Listen, Costello. I haven't got any tickets you want. All right, keep quiet. Stop drinking that stuff. Costello, I don't think we can get to the Gold Roof tonight. Kitzel, is there any place around here we can stay? Oh, yes, of course. Step by then, gentlemen, welcome to Kitzel's cozy camp for Indians, twelve deputies, retired tourists, and no charge for skilled treatment.
[00:11:52] Unknown:
At it. I'm telling you now. Let's get out of here. Now just a second. Just a second, gentlemen.
[00:11:58] Unknown:
You're pissing off our beautiful place to spend our weekend. Why, we've got your horses, golf courses and gay young divorces, driving, diving and jitterbug diving, peaches, leaches, poison ivy that eaters, hiking, biking or sports to your liking, these trees and a few trains, please.
[00:12:15] Unknown:
Not too many stories. Fishing, wishing a nice day, especially fishing, inspectors, actors, as postal directors, foxholes, rocktolls, and sand in your sock holes, lizards, gizzards, in your winter, there's blizzards. In the winters, there's blizzards.
[00:12:38] Unknown:
Well, here we are at last got double in Goldtooth. Oh, boy. Hey. Are we hearing Goldtooth? Yes. Let's start drilling. Oh, come. Come. Say. There's the Red Dog Slooms, Costello. Let's go in and see if they can direct us to the mines. The Red Dog Slooms. Yes.
[00:13:04] Unknown:
That looks like a den of antiquity. If my scout master saw me going there, he would strike me off my mirrored bag. No. Come on. Come on in. No. No, boys.
[00:13:15] Unknown:
Please, please don't go into the red dog saloon. Every time you go in there, the devil goes in with you. What did he say, Abbot? Every time you go into a saloon, the devil goes in with you. Well, if he does, he buys his own drinks.
[00:13:31] Unknown:
Come on. Let's get in there. Well, hello, boys. Welcome to the Red Dog Saloon. Well, who are you? Who am I? I'm part of the Old West. Why one look at my face and these two guns I'm wearing to tell you who I am. Hey, Abbot, it's Gene Autry.
[00:13:51] Unknown:
What's that package she's carrying on her back? Must be smile for that.
[00:13:56] Unknown:
Quiet, that boy. You're right. Yes, I know it. Madam, we came here to find a No, no, no, no. Business can wait. You boys must have had a long journey. Why don't you relax a while? Come on, fat boy. Let's dance. Will? I'll have the boys play your favorite tune. Will, my favorite song is called The Bed That Wasn't Swept In. The Bed That Wasn't Swept In? Yeah. Holiday for spring. I bounced that one up myself. Let's find over mattress.
[00:14:26] Unknown:
Costello, we're wasting look. We're wasting time. Look, madam, we came here to look for a little pauper mine. I I've convinced mister Costello here to buy the controlling interest. The little pauper mine?
[00:14:42] Unknown:
Be careful where you drop that one, lady. There's 72¢ a dozen.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
Just a minute, madam. What's the matter with the little poppa mine? Isn't there any gold in it? Well, there should be. Nobody's ever taken any out.
[00:14:56] Unknown:
Where is the mine located? Why, it's right under this building, 10,000 feet down. Here, step into the elevator. And if this old cable holds, I'll have you down there in ten minutes. And if the old cable doesn't hold? Well, here we are. Did it come down too fast for you, partner? No. No. No. I'll always wear my underwear rolled up around my neck. Well, if you boys you boys just follow that tunnel there, it'll lead you to the mine. Goodbye. Yeah. But I'm telling you, for the last time, get me out of this place. Uh-huh. I ain't going to no dark tunnel. Costello, you're just scared.
[00:15:42] Unknown:
You're a lily livered yellow coward. You're just saying that because it's true. Did I read that right? Yes. Come on. But fuck up, Costello. Put a smile on your face. Come on. Let's see a laugh. What was that? Somebody else left just like me. Oh, that was nothing but your echo. Go ahead. Laugh again. You see your echo. We'll come right back.
[00:16:25] Unknown:
Yeah. But somebody tickled my echo.
[00:16:34] Unknown:
Never mind that, Cartelo. Hey. I think I see some gold. Gold or what? No, never mind. Give me that tick and I'll stop ticking. Okay. Give me the crowbar and I'll start crowing. I have it. What? I think it's going to rain. Why? Listen, I hear thunder. That isn't rain. That's not rain. It's not thunder, Costello. I think the mine is caving in. Caving in? Yes. Cabot. Look out. I got news for you. Get saved. You're right, Costello. We're trapped here in this tunnel. I'm afraid, Costello. I'm afraid, Costello. I'm afraid, Costello, that you'll never see them again.
[00:17:19] Unknown:
Abbott, you don't mean Yes.
[00:17:21] Unknown:
What? Costello, these are the last moments on earth. We have only a few minutes to live. Have you any last thing you want to say before we go? Anything you want to say before we go?
[00:17:34] Unknown:
Yes, Abbot. Yes. What is it? Just one thing, Abbot. What is it, Lou? Help.
[00:17:46] Unknown:
No use yelling, Gastello.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Nobody can hear us way down here. I don't care if nobody hears us way down here as long as they hear us way up there.
[00:17:55] Unknown:
There is no chance, Costello, we may as well face it. This is the end old pal.
[00:18:00] Unknown:
Yes. I guess you're right, bud. Yes. Costello,
[00:18:03] Unknown:
our friendship has meant a lot to me. I know it has. I appreciate the many things you've done for me. I know it's been a lot. Before the end comes, I'd like I'd like to give you back your $75 You want to give me the $75 now that is the end? Take it, Lou. I don't want anything on my mind. Find time to pay me. Here, invest it in any business you want while we're here.
[00:18:27] Unknown:
Here in the cave, I got invested. Use your own judgment. Use your own judgment. Well, thanks, Ho Pao. I'm almost ashamed to make this to take this money. I mean, after all the things I've done to you, I've done a lot of things to you, Abbot. Well, that's all right. I've done some awful things. That's all right. Abbot, there's one thing I've got to tell you before the end. There's one thing I've got to confess. What is it, Gastel? I knew who was on first base all the time. Come on. Get up off the fly, you big fat loafer. Why? It's Sebastian.
My young little brother Sebastian. What are you doing down here in the coal mine? Rock all my head. You just fell out of bed. Fell out of bed? You mean the coal mine, the desert, you mean everything was all a dream? Yeah. Stupid sweet. You've been getting mad, Susie. If you don't get up, I'll pour a pail of water on you. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You know, this could develop into a very dull conversation. Now look, you better get downstairs right away, Sebastian. Come on. Ma's got your breakfast ready. How do you know?
Come on, ma. I'm mixed up. Now now now too hot. Come on now. Go on, kid. Alright. I'll just have for breakfast. I smelled the bacon. Wait a minute. You can't smell bacon. You can only smell Thor. Or what? Cut that out, Sebastian. I went through all of that with your uncle Bud. I've had a terrible life, and I don't wanna get no arguments with you. You know I love you, Sebastian. Now why are you coming every morning and pick on me? What's the matter with you? Oh, I'm a bad boy.
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Yes, sir. Columbus discovered America, and America discovered our camel stars, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.
[00:01:22] Unknown:
Here it is. Alright. Go ahead. Here it is. I'm paid one. Alright. I feel awful, I haven't. I really feel awful. I just got some terrible news. What do you mean? Get a load of this letter. What letter? It just came from my cousin, Corporal Hugo Castillo. Yes. He's been thrown into the guardhouse for bringing poison ivory into the camp. Poison ivory? Yes. I think you mean poison ivy? No. This was poison ivory. They caught him with loaded dice. I
[00:01:44] Unknown:
look, Costello. Forget about your cousin. I've got some I've got some important business to discuss with you. Oh, good. You know that $75 you made this summer working on your, Uncle Otte Sevens, farm? What about it? Well, I am going to invest it for you today. I'm going to double your money. You're going to double my money? Yes. No. You don't have it. Give me back my $75.
[00:02:07] Unknown:
What do you mean? I'll double it myself. How? I'll fold it once and put it back into my pocket.
[00:02:15] Unknown:
Cuttela, I'm not going to give you that money. You'll only squander it. Besides, I I, haven't got the money with me. You haven't had? No. What's that lump in your sock? Oh, that's my long underwear. How come your long underwear's got Lincoln's picture on it? Cuttela, there's no use on you. I've
[00:02:32] Unknown:
made our decision. You've made our decision. Exactly. What is our decision that you've made? I'm investing
[00:02:39] Unknown:
your $75 in a gold mine in Gold Tooth, Nevada. I don't want no gold mine. Nonsense, Costello. Do you know of an easier way to make money? Yeah. For Gypsy Rose Lee, beat me to it.
[00:02:52] Unknown:
I'd like to do a take off on Gypsy Rose Lee. Yeah. Alright. Never mind that. Pretty good. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Here. Put that back. Put that back. Costello, I can see that you know nothing about mining. Oh, is that so? Yes. I spent all last night mining in my kitchen. Mining in your kitchen? Yeah. Council mining. Hello? Log test. Council mining. I I got a lot of give you one more try.
[00:03:15] Unknown:
Okay, Stella.
[00:03:16] Unknown:
Do you know where gold comes from? No. But I know where it goes to. Yeah. I know. Now give me back my $75
[00:03:22] Unknown:
Not so fast. For your information, gold comes from, ore. Gold comes from ore. Gold comes from or? Yeah. Or what? That's right. Gold or. Oh, thank you.
[00:03:39] Unknown:
Or what? Or nothing. Just plain or. Look. It's gotta be or something. No. No. No. No. You just can't let the participle dangle. It gets in front of the proposition. No. I tell you, Costello,
[00:03:53] Unknown:
it's just plain just plain or. Gold
[00:03:57] Unknown:
or. Abbot, you shouldn't talk without finishing your sentences. Your grammar is bad. My grammar is bad. Grammar is bad. Grammar is bad. I finished my sentences. How how do you think your grammar is? Well, she hasn't finished her sentence yet.
[00:04:14] Unknown:
Listen, Cartela. Get this through your thick skull. Gold comes from ore. Good. First, you dig the gold, then you smelt it.
[00:04:23] Unknown:
I do what? You smelt the gold. I didn't smelt nothing. I couldn't smelt it. I got a cold. Look. If he talks then, Costello, I mean, you dig up the gold and then you smelt it. Not me, Abbot. I ain't digging it up. Why not? If it's gonna smelt, why dig it up? Let it stay in the ground. But, Costello Not if it's going to smell, piles of dirt on it. Look, but Bury it deeper way, way down.
[00:04:53] Unknown:
Look, will you please be quiet? In order to refine the gold, you've got to smelt it. You smelt the gold ore. Gold ore what?
[00:05:02] Unknown:
Now don't start that again, please. You smelt the gold, and it comes out refined. It comes out refined? That's right. That don't make sense. Well, what do you mean? Well, if the gold is so refined, why does it smell? No.
[00:05:13] Unknown:
You still don't understand, Lou. First, you dig into the ground until you strike a vein of gold. A vein of gold? Certainly. Gold comes in vain. Is that why your veins are so lumpy? Listen. I'm not talking about my veins. Well, I am. But whose veins are you talking about? The veins I'm talking about are in the ground. And as you dig down deeper, you find that the veins get closer and closer together. Oh, just like my my grandfather. Your grandfather? Yes. He's in a very, very close vein. Will you stop talking and stop listening? As you follow the veins down into the ground, you finally come to the main vein, that way you strike your mother load.
[00:05:50] Unknown:
I take your pardon, that's where I strike what load? The mother load. The mother load. You strike the mother vein.
[00:05:58] Unknown:
How dare you?
[00:06:01] Unknown:
However, you and me is going up the alley. You have imbued on my good name. What do you mean? Now I'm a good natured bloke. You know that, Abbot. I know that. Now you can abuse me all you want, and and I've stood a lot from you. Alright. I have taken many, many insults, but I didn't mind because I'm beneath that. But at last, you have hurt and besmirched my honor. What in heaven's name are you talking about? I didn't mind when you told me that gold smelt, and I didn't care when you told me that even my refined gold smelt. I even forgave you, Abbot, when you said gold ore, and you refused to tell me or what. But when you asked me to go down into that mine and strike my mother in the vein while she was carrying a load that did it.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
Well, speaking of veins, whoever have seen a diagrammatic drawing of the human throat, what a wonderful intricate instrument it is, and how important that you Returning to our handsome heroes, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, we find that the convincing Abbott has induced the gullible Costello to invest his $75 in a gold mine called the Little Pauper Mine located in Gold Tooth, Nevada. As we look in on the boys, they are trekking across the burning sands of the Mojave Desert on their way to the mine. Here they are trekking, trekking, trekking.
[00:07:26] Unknown:
Eyes are trekking, the poong daddy, Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Castello. Yes. Would you behave yourself? Well, I was attracted. I know, but we've we've gotta get the gold tooth combata before dark.
[00:07:41] Unknown:
You know, I think we're lost now. I don't see any sign of a trail. Yeah.
[00:07:45] Unknown:
Look. There's a big rock over there with some writing on it. What does it say? What does it say? Can't you read?
[00:07:50] Unknown:
No. I can read reading, but I can't read writing.
[00:07:53] Unknown:
Alright.
[00:07:53] Unknown:
Get out of the way. Let's see. Okay. Says,
[00:07:56] Unknown:
under this stone lies Billy the Kid. Well, come on. What are you standing there for? Come on. Help me. Move this stone, Evan. What for? We gotta get that kid out of there. Oh, no. No. No. No. No. How can he breathe? I'm scared. Wait a minute. Yeah. Tell me. It says this rock marks the spot where Billy the Kid fell in 1861. Oh, no wonder the kid fell. I nearly tripped over the darn thing myself. But what's that mean is how did he get under the rock?
[00:08:20] Unknown:
Never mind that. Look. Hey. Wait a minute. Here comes a man across the desert. Maybe you can give us some information, some direction. Get a load of the guy. He's wearing a bathing suit. Yeah. Hey, you, what's the idea of wearing a swimming suit out here in the desert? I'm a lifeguard, a lifeguard, but there isn't any water within 200 miles of here. Yes. Large beast, isn't it?
[00:08:51] Unknown:
Hey, was that guy real or am I seeing a garage? Garage. The word is mirage. Oh, no, Evan. Mirage is what my mother puts on top of her pie. Lemon mirage pie.
[00:09:06] Unknown:
Oh, you don't mean mirage. You mean meringue. Meringue.
[00:09:10] Unknown:
Meringue? Yeah. Oh, no. That's what we use in our house instead of butter. Butter. Butter. You use meringue? Yeah. Holy old Mars, you eat meringue. Oh, the slippery stuff. Alright.
[00:09:22] Unknown:
Get a hold in your hand to to Peter. I know all about that. Come on. Come on, Cartella. We've got a long way to go before we get to the mine. Hey. Look. There's an Indian coming out of that cave over there. Maybe he knows the way. Well, if it's an Indian, Abbot, let's run. And what people probably wants us scallops for dinner.
[00:09:35] Unknown:
Fries scallops with head lettuce.
[00:09:38] Unknown:
Now don't be such a coward. He's just a peaceful Indian selling blankets. I'll speak to him. How much cost them blankets, chief? Of, $15. But, chief, fifteen dollars for that blanket? You make them priced too high. What size are strictly OPA dealing price? Casello, it's Kitzel.
[00:10:00] Unknown:
So it could be
[00:10:01] Unknown:
a house with you, my happy happy? Hey, Kittle. Are you an Indian? Only place in reservation.
[00:10:09] Unknown:
Yes. Oh, wait a minute, Kittle. Those are phony Indian blankets you got there. Why? Look. It says right here, made in Cleveland. Oh, pass. Didn't you ever hear of the Cleveland Indian?
[00:10:24] Unknown:
Look, Kitzel. We're trying to get to Costello's mine in Gold Tooke, Nevada, and we lost our way. Can you tell us where we can get an Indian guide? Why not? I'm just a wappity poppity. I'm an Indian.
[00:10:40] Unknown:
Will you keep quiet a minute?
[00:10:43] Unknown:
All right. Never mind. All
[00:10:46] Unknown:
right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.
[00:10:49] Unknown:
Look. Kittel,
[00:10:50] Unknown:
you're, pretty anemic looking in and You must be a half lead. Half lead? I told me I have
[00:10:58] Unknown:
I don't like it.
[00:11:00] Unknown:
Look, Getzel, I don't like it here either. Now where can I get a drink around here? I'm all for thirsty. Well, now here, just try a little sip of these homemade pectus, dude. Oh, good. Okay. I'll fry it.
[00:11:18] Unknown:
Hey, this stuff is killing me. Well, I wouldn't take I can't understand that that cactus juice was made poisionally by the Blackfeet Indian. Well, they must have left one of their feet in it.
[00:11:30] Unknown:
It's kicking me in the stomach.
[00:11:32] Unknown:
Listen, Costello. I haven't got any tickets you want. All right, keep quiet. Stop drinking that stuff. Costello, I don't think we can get to the Gold Roof tonight. Kitzel, is there any place around here we can stay? Oh, yes, of course. Step by then, gentlemen, welcome to Kitzel's cozy camp for Indians, twelve deputies, retired tourists, and no charge for skilled treatment.
[00:11:52] Unknown:
At it. I'm telling you now. Let's get out of here. Now just a second. Just a second, gentlemen.
[00:11:58] Unknown:
You're pissing off our beautiful place to spend our weekend. Why, we've got your horses, golf courses and gay young divorces, driving, diving and jitterbug diving, peaches, leaches, poison ivy that eaters, hiking, biking or sports to your liking, these trees and a few trains, please.
[00:12:15] Unknown:
Not too many stories. Fishing, wishing a nice day, especially fishing, inspectors, actors, as postal directors, foxholes, rocktolls, and sand in your sock holes, lizards, gizzards, in your winter, there's blizzards. In the winters, there's blizzards.
[00:12:38] Unknown:
Well, here we are at last got double in Goldtooth. Oh, boy. Hey. Are we hearing Goldtooth? Yes. Let's start drilling. Oh, come. Come. Say. There's the Red Dog Slooms, Costello. Let's go in and see if they can direct us to the mines. The Red Dog Slooms. Yes.
[00:13:04] Unknown:
That looks like a den of antiquity. If my scout master saw me going there, he would strike me off my mirrored bag. No. Come on. Come on in. No. No, boys.
[00:13:15] Unknown:
Please, please don't go into the red dog saloon. Every time you go in there, the devil goes in with you. What did he say, Abbot? Every time you go into a saloon, the devil goes in with you. Well, if he does, he buys his own drinks.
[00:13:31] Unknown:
Come on. Let's get in there. Well, hello, boys. Welcome to the Red Dog Saloon. Well, who are you? Who am I? I'm part of the Old West. Why one look at my face and these two guns I'm wearing to tell you who I am. Hey, Abbot, it's Gene Autry.
[00:13:51] Unknown:
What's that package she's carrying on her back? Must be smile for that.
[00:13:56] Unknown:
Quiet, that boy. You're right. Yes, I know it. Madam, we came here to find a No, no, no, no. Business can wait. You boys must have had a long journey. Why don't you relax a while? Come on, fat boy. Let's dance. Will? I'll have the boys play your favorite tune. Will, my favorite song is called The Bed That Wasn't Swept In. The Bed That Wasn't Swept In? Yeah. Holiday for spring. I bounced that one up myself. Let's find over mattress.
[00:14:26] Unknown:
Costello, we're wasting look. We're wasting time. Look, madam, we came here to look for a little pauper mine. I I've convinced mister Costello here to buy the controlling interest. The little pauper mine?
[00:14:42] Unknown:
Be careful where you drop that one, lady. There's 72¢ a dozen.
[00:14:47] Unknown:
Just a minute, madam. What's the matter with the little poppa mine? Isn't there any gold in it? Well, there should be. Nobody's ever taken any out.
[00:14:56] Unknown:
Where is the mine located? Why, it's right under this building, 10,000 feet down. Here, step into the elevator. And if this old cable holds, I'll have you down there in ten minutes. And if the old cable doesn't hold? Well, here we are. Did it come down too fast for you, partner? No. No. No. I'll always wear my underwear rolled up around my neck. Well, if you boys you boys just follow that tunnel there, it'll lead you to the mine. Goodbye. Yeah. But I'm telling you, for the last time, get me out of this place. Uh-huh. I ain't going to no dark tunnel. Costello, you're just scared.
[00:15:42] Unknown:
You're a lily livered yellow coward. You're just saying that because it's true. Did I read that right? Yes. Come on. But fuck up, Costello. Put a smile on your face. Come on. Let's see a laugh. What was that? Somebody else left just like me. Oh, that was nothing but your echo. Go ahead. Laugh again. You see your echo. We'll come right back.
[00:16:25] Unknown:
Yeah. But somebody tickled my echo.
[00:16:34] Unknown:
Never mind that, Cartelo. Hey. I think I see some gold. Gold or what? No, never mind. Give me that tick and I'll stop ticking. Okay. Give me the crowbar and I'll start crowing. I have it. What? I think it's going to rain. Why? Listen, I hear thunder. That isn't rain. That's not rain. It's not thunder, Costello. I think the mine is caving in. Caving in? Yes. Cabot. Look out. I got news for you. Get saved. You're right, Costello. We're trapped here in this tunnel. I'm afraid, Costello. I'm afraid, Costello. I'm afraid, Costello, that you'll never see them again.
[00:17:19] Unknown:
Abbott, you don't mean Yes.
[00:17:21] Unknown:
What? Costello, these are the last moments on earth. We have only a few minutes to live. Have you any last thing you want to say before we go? Anything you want to say before we go?
[00:17:34] Unknown:
Yes, Abbot. Yes. What is it? Just one thing, Abbot. What is it, Lou? Help.
[00:17:46] Unknown:
No use yelling, Gastello.
[00:17:48] Unknown:
Nobody can hear us way down here. I don't care if nobody hears us way down here as long as they hear us way up there.
[00:17:55] Unknown:
There is no chance, Costello, we may as well face it. This is the end old pal.
[00:18:00] Unknown:
Yes. I guess you're right, bud. Yes. Costello,
[00:18:03] Unknown:
our friendship has meant a lot to me. I know it has. I appreciate the many things you've done for me. I know it's been a lot. Before the end comes, I'd like I'd like to give you back your $75 You want to give me the $75 now that is the end? Take it, Lou. I don't want anything on my mind. Find time to pay me. Here, invest it in any business you want while we're here.
[00:18:27] Unknown:
Here in the cave, I got invested. Use your own judgment. Use your own judgment. Well, thanks, Ho Pao. I'm almost ashamed to make this to take this money. I mean, after all the things I've done to you, I've done a lot of things to you, Abbot. Well, that's all right. I've done some awful things. That's all right. Abbot, there's one thing I've got to tell you before the end. There's one thing I've got to confess. What is it, Gastel? I knew who was on first base all the time. Come on. Get up off the fly, you big fat loafer. Why? It's Sebastian.
My young little brother Sebastian. What are you doing down here in the coal mine? Rock all my head. You just fell out of bed. Fell out of bed? You mean the coal mine, the desert, you mean everything was all a dream? Yeah. Stupid sweet. You've been getting mad, Susie. If you don't get up, I'll pour a pail of water on you. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You know, this could develop into a very dull conversation. Now look, you better get downstairs right away, Sebastian. Come on. Ma's got your breakfast ready. How do you know?
Come on, ma. I'm mixed up. Now now now too hot. Come on now. Go on, kid. Alright. I'll just have for breakfast. I smelled the bacon. Wait a minute. You can't smell bacon. You can only smell Thor. Or what? Cut that out, Sebastian. I went through all of that with your uncle Bud. I've had a terrible life, and I don't wanna get no arguments with you. You know I love you, Sebastian. Now why are you coming every morning and pick on me? What's the matter with you? Oh, I'm a bad boy.
