In this festive episode, we dive into a comedic holiday skit featuring the classic duo, Abbott and Costello. The skit revolves around Costello's plans for a Christmas party for his little brother Sebastian, who is about to join the Marines. The comedic banter between Abbott and Costello is filled with misunderstandings about Christmas trees, decorations, and holiday preparations, leading to hilarious exchanges about electric Christmases, reindeer in California, and the peculiarities of Christmas trees.
As the skit unfolds, Costello's antics continue with a humorous take on holiday traditions, including trimming the tree with spaghetti and dealing with unexpected guests. The episode captures the spirit of classic radio comedy, bringing laughter and joy with its witty dialogue and slapstick humor. Listeners are treated to a nostalgic journey back to a time when radio was king, and Abbott and Costello were at the height of their comedic powers.
(01:32) Costello's Christmas Party Preparations
(06:38) Decorating the Christmas Tree
(11:41) Santa Claus Visits Costello
(19:22) Costello's Dream and Surprise Party
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Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
[00:00:00]
Unknown:
Can I give you $30 to lean into your decision to start working out and eating better? I'm Carl, cofounder of Body. That's b o d I. And right now, if you sign up for a one year subscription to Body, I'll give you an instant $30 discount. That's 59% off. Look. I know it's not easy to get fit and lose weight, especially if you're trying to figure it out by yourself, but we make it simple. Just follow a program for twenty to thirty minutes day by day and lose five to 10 pounds a month. We have over a 20 programs that have been tested and proven to work and almost 300,005 star reviews in the app store to prove it. Body also has complete eating plans and thousands of healthy delicious recipes. So stop guessing and start seeing results with Body. And let me give you a $30 instant discount right now so you save big on the app that CNN underscore named best fitness app. So don't wait. Sign up for a year of BODY and get a $30 instant discount to save 59 percent. Just go to body.com.
That's bodywithani.com.
[00:01:00] Unknown:
Judy was boring. Hello. Then Judy discovered chumbacasino.com.
[00:01:05] Unknown:
It's my little escape. Now Judy's the life of the party. Oh, baby. Mama's bringing home the bacon. Woah. Take it easy,
[00:01:13] Unknown:
Judy. Chumba Life is for everybody. So go to Chumbacasino.com and play over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Get to Chumba.Chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary for you. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details. Hey, Costello. Costello, what are you doing here tonight all dressed up like Santa Claus? Oh, I'm putting on a Christmas party tonight, Adam. Yeah. For my little brother Sebastian. I got the Santa Claus suit, a bag full of toys. I even got a sleigh. Now how about the reindeer? The what? Don't you have reindeer? Not in California, honey.
Look. Where are you going to have this party in your suite? My what? You're sweet. You're cute too. Look. Well, James, Christmas doesn't come until next Monday. Why are you having Sebastian's party tonight? I gotta have it tonight, Abbot. What do you mean? I simply gotta have it tonight. Why? Sebastian won't be home, Monday. He's joining the Marines. The Marines? That's ridiculous. How could little Sebastian join the Marines? He's only five years old. He lied about his age. What a party this is gonna be tonight. What a party. What do you mean? My whole family's gonna be there. We're gonna have a whole electric Christmas. And all electric Christmas. What do you mean by that? Well, now let me see. What day? Oh, yes.
Oh, and all electric You said all electric Christmas. What about it? It? Sebastian is getting an electric train? Yes. My mother is gonna get electric washing machine, and my father is getting electric freezer. And what about your uncle, Otter Stevens? He's getting the electric chair. Look, Catzilla, how about the tree? Did you buy a Christmas tree? I bought the biggest Christmas tree ever saw of it. That's right. I just got it through putting it up in the living room. That's fine. Got a tree. Mhmm. It's six feet higher than the ceiling. Woah. It's a shame you have to cut the top off. That's Tad, you cut a hole in the ceiling of our living room? Yep. This will be the first year we ever had a Christmas tree about that one.
Tad, I don't know how to cut it. Alright. Forget it. But look, What kind of a tree did you get? Is it a fir tree? Yeah. It's one of those great big What what'd you say? I said it is a fir tree. Is it a fir tree? Yeah. Whoever heard of a tree made out of fir? I'm only asking you It's made out of wood like any other tree. Of course. Is it a fir A dope. Listen. I'm I'm a dope. Of course. It's made out of wood, you dummy. I'm not talking about fur, f u r. The fur, I mean, has an I in it. The fur, you mean has an I in it? Yeah. Just one eye? It's personally, there is just one eye in fur. Now wait that night. A one eyed fur.
What kind of animals do you run around with? Animals. I'm trying to find out what kind of a Christmas tree you bought. Hey. Look. What kind of bark did it have? What kind of bark? Yeah. Didn't you didn't you notice the trees, bark? Oh, I have my earmuffs on. I couldn't hear a thing. No. No. No. No. Bark bark. The tree's outside. The tree is outside. Certainly. Why you do it outside? So I thought I put it inside the house. Did you put it out of it? Castilla. Castilla. Why you bring that with the tree in the house? Castilla Bean, the bark of a tree is the the outer coat. Did the tree have a rough coat? No. But the girl that sold it to me had on a smooth sweater. Will you listen to me, please? The bark is the coat on the trunk of a bird tree. Now the tree has a trunk. Yeah. Of course. That's probably where he keeps his coat first. Buckle up. Russell, I'm gonna. I'm silly. I know there's nothing silly about it. If you listen, I'm gonna try to explain this to you. Look, all Christmas trees belong to the pine family. Oh, no, they don't. My Christmas tree belongs to me. Let the pine family get the rope.
Nevermind the pine family. I'm talking about the pine tree. We get pitch from pine. We get what? Didn't you ever get pitch from a pine tree? No. I never rode a pine tree, but I got pitched off a horse once. No. No. I'm talking about a pitch. Pitch tar. Didn't you ever hear of pine tar? No. But I heard of a tree tar. Tree tar? Yeah. Clang, clang, clang. What's a tree tar species of pine. Now you can tell the different kinds of pine trees by the shape of the cone. By the shape of the cone? Yeah. Now what shape are the cone? Well, the you know the shape the cones are in. What what are they? Well, my cone, he's short and fat like me and missus cone is skinny like you. No. No. No. No. Look. Never mind that. I'm talking about the cones in your tree. You're talking about the cones in my tree? Yes. Why would the cones be doing in my tree? None. I bought it from eight three. Alright. Never mind that. And you bought it. Cones got nothing to it. Look, Costello for the last time, you bought a Christmas tree, didn't you? Yeah. Alright. Now, well, a Christmas tree is an evergreen tree that belongs to the pine family. Now it's a far tree. It has a rough coat, haubot. If you climb the tree, you'll find a bunch of cones and they will be surrounded by long sharp needles sticking in their limbs. Now just a minute, Albert. This time you have gone too far. Gone too far? That's what I said. What do you mean by that? I didn't mind it when you said that my tree belongs to the pine family. I thought you were only slightly crazy when you said the tree barked and wore a fur coat and that keeps the coat in the trunk. For when you asked me to climb that tree and stick long sharp needle into the lens of my friend, the cone.
Not only have you imbued on my good name, but you have dragged me through the mud with my and missus cone. It's a collectible likeness. Well, Costello, let's get the house all ready for your party. Did you put the tinsel on the Christmas tree? No. I couldn't find any tinsel this year, Abbott. So I trimmed the tree with spaghetti and boy, does it look beautiful. Oh, what's beautiful about trimming a tree with spaghetti? Every time I plug it in, the meatballs light up. Here's all I said. Please, Costello, I hope you've taken care of. Body. Oh, sure. I'm gonna serve ham sandwiches with mustoro. Mustoro is for a cold. Well, this is cold ham. Oh.
Hey. You'll wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Giusevallo? Yeah. You ordered some wood for your fireplace. That's right. I'm here with load. Where do you want me to put it? You'd better put us a bed. Please, please let's not waste any time. Just file the wood there in the corner. And come on, Costello. We better start putting the gifts around the tree. By the way, what kind of a present did you buy for Connie Haines? Oh, but I bought her the most beautiful corsage. That's where no, no, not corsage. You mean corsage? No. No. No. You mean corsage. A g e is pronounced odd as in corsage and garage. Where did you get the corsage? Oh, from the man who comes to collect the garbage.
This is going to be a fine party. I can see. I what what in the world was that? It was me, Uncle Bud. The best. What are you doing with that shotgun? It's a present for you, Uncle Bud. I was hanging it on a Christmas tree and it went off. Well, I hope you didn't break anything. Do you know that mahogany door that leads into your tent? Yes. Well, it's a screen door now. Oh, come on Sebastian. Run along. Say, I wonder where the, the holly berries and the flowers are and all that I ordered. You ordered flowers? Yes. Well, now wait a minute. Can you think of anything nicer than flowers on the table? Yeah. Meat and potatoes. Oh.
Wait a minute. That's probably the flowers. Come in. I don't want any flowers. The last time I smelled that, and that's tertiary bum, I got a big bump on my nose. And that's special bum. And that's special bum. That's nastricium. There is no bee in it. There was a bee in this one. There was a bee. That's Sting. Look, pay no attention, Castello Kinto. By the way, what kind of flowers have you got? Did you bring me any pansies? No, no. I'm sorry. When I went out in the garden this morning, I discovered my pansies were drooping. Why don't you wear suspenders?
Never mind that. What did you bring us kids old? Well, I brought you some of those beautiful brass flowers. Brass flowers? Yeah. Petunia. Gentlemen, how about buying one of these beautiful holly wreath? They come directly from the Capitol Mountain. What's so wonderful about that? What? Hostel, have you ever seen the Catskill Mountains? No, but I've seen the Catskill mice. Have a son joke. Hey? No time for judging. No. No. No. Gentlemen. Fabunas, take your wasting my time and time with me is money. Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like to take a peek at your income. What are you, an income thief? Yeah.
You know, I'm a very busy man. Do you want to buy some flowers or don't you make up your mind? Yes or maybe? No. Cut out. Let's see what Kittel has in that box. Watch where you're walking. You just stepped on my puppy. On your puppy's what? The plants you just broke are puppies. So what? I'll buy puppies from the wounds and I'll buy some mommy I'll tell you what to be a You wanna be a Either way or tell me not. I don't care. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Come over here. Come over here. You know what's wrong with you Lou? Here I get just a great flourish to come here and decorate your house for the Christmas party you deliberately and sell him. Yes. That's right. Costello, if I wasn't a bigger man than you, I, I would punch you right in the nose. Well, it so happens that I'm bigger than you. That's a better reason.
Well, I bid you good night gentlemen. And that's a fine way to talk to Kittel. Don't you know that he's famous all over the world for his flowers? His flowers win prizes everywhere. They do? Oh, certainly. Why next week he's going to exhibit at the Pasadena flower show. No. Yeah. Kissel is going to show his rhododendron. To everybody? Yeah. Well, what do you know? There isn't going to be any party. Now if you'll go to sleep like a good little boy, your brother Louie will tell you a nice bedtime story. Will you tell me the one about the fondest daughter? What? I never heard of such a story. Get the character of my uncle brother. No. No. No. No. Costello, you've gotta get this little boy to sleep. Why why don't you sing him a lullaby? Okay. Go ahead. I'll I'll sing him something. Come here, Sebastian. Now sit down my knee. I'm gonna sing a beautiful song about Christmas. Now listen to me. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
I wish I had a hard day today. Just like you know, Sebastian, I was a little boy like you. Uh-huh. And I was a bad boy too. I remember how my mother my mother oh, Look, uncle Bun. Louie has gone to sleep. Yes. Your brother Louie always gets sleepy after dinner. I wonder if we ought to pick him up and fuck him. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Shh. Don't disturb him. He's dreaming. Oh, dear. Just look at you, Louie. I'm good with you too. How'd you get your clothes so muddy? Ma. I was trying to pull a worm out of the ground. But what happened? The worm pulled first. So I'll see who's at the door. You go wash your dirty tits. Why can't I just cover the third up with powder like you do?
Why it's the little avid boy and the Niles boy. Yes. We we came over to stay with Louie tonight. Kenny now is his teacher's pet. Is your father riding a bird tonight, Kenny? Oh, Kenny father riding a bird. Whoever gave you that idea? I heard his mother say he was out on a flat last night. Shame on you, Louis. Mrs. Castell, I'm no stool pigeon, remember? What happened? There's a snitch. You shut down. You shut down. What happened? There's a dirty snitch. Louis came over off my shoulder. I will ask you. I'll get around to you, Louis. Don't worry.
Louis came over to my house and asked my mother to take off her shoes. Louis. Yeah. Why did you ask miss Eva to take off her shoes? I heard you say she was getting close feet and I wanted to see them. And they never fly to this. Oh, no. Now you shouldn't stop this arguing and get into bed immediately, and I don't wanna hear another word arguing till morning. Now good night. Hey. Let's not go to sleep. Hey. Let's wait up for Santa Claus. What do you guys say? Hey. Hey. Listen to those play bells. You must be Santa Claus. Look. He's parking up there on the top of the roof. Hey. He drives like my old man. Look. He's getting ready to slide down the chimney.
Who built that fire in there? I did. I wanted to see you make a mess of yourself. Please, Santa Claus. I hope you brought us some nice presents. Only the boys who aren't listed in my big black book get presents. Louis Costello, I have a report I got from your school teacher. Wait a minute. Do you do you have to read it now? Yes. It says here that you painted all the blackboards red. You chopped off the legs of the chairs. You put a goat in the cloakroom. Yeah. You fill the inkwells with glue, and you put frogs in all the lunchboxes. Yeah.
What do you say to that? None of us is perfect. I'll get back to you later, Louis. Now, buddy Abbott, what do you want for Christmas? Well, then my mother told me to ask you for a a new slingshot. Well, here it is. But why does your mother want you to have a slingshot? So she can get her cars back. You behave yourself, Louise. Yes, ma'am. What? Yes, sir. That's better. You gotta be one of the others. Now, Kenny Niles, is it your turn? Here's a beautiful present for you. Oh, goody goody. That's just what I always wanted. A nice little tinker toy. That's a great present for you Niles. A little tinker toy for a big tinker. Alright, Kenny. You and Buddy Abbott run along to bed.
I've got something to say to this little Costello boy. Thanks for the president. Good night. Good night. Now Louis Costello, let's see what else I have written in my big black book. Every naughty thing you've done is in this book. If he ever turns to page eight, I'm cooked. Page eight. You hit it right on the head. I see that a few years ago, you flirted with a little girl in school. Is that true? Uh-huh. You give her your class pin? What class pin? I was only two years old. I gave her the only pin I had. Well, let's let the whole thing drop. That's what happened.
That's settled, sir, Louis. I'm afraid there's nothing I can leave you for Christmas. Nothing? You mean just plain nothing? That's right, Louis. A great big nothing? Yes. Maybe someday when you've learned to behave yourself, I may come back again. Good night. Nothing at all. Oh, I'm a bad boy. Nobody likes me anymore. Even Santa Claus can't even stand me. Those two snitches, Buddy Abbott and Ken Niles, they both got presents, but I got nothing. I'm, I'm gonna write a note and I'm gonna run away from home. That's what I'm gonna do. Dear mom and dad, when you read this, I will be a thousand miles away and don't try to find me because I'm not ever gonna come back anymore.
Maybe, maybe when I'm old, about 10 or 11 years old. And then after I make a million dollars, everybody will be sorry that they were so mean to me, especially those two snitches, Abbott, Nat, Niles. Listen, everybody. Please don't forget to feed my little pet scum twice a week. There's a clothespin hanging by his cage. PS, mom, don't forget to let my turtle swim in a bathtub on Saturday night. Please do this for me. Your lovin' son, Louie Costello. Hey. Look, Sebastian. Your brother Louie is still sleeping, the poor guy. He went to sleep thinking that nobody was coming to his party. Yeah. Will he be surprised when he sees all the people? Come on in everybody. Come on, Constella. Wake up. Wake up.
Wait a minute. What what's going on here? We're all here for your party, Lou. Honey's pain. Oh, I'm glad you came. I've been waiting all year for you to sit up. Oh, boy. All year for you. Just to be standing close for you. Come on. Sit on my knee and I'll give you big kiss. But Santa Claus wouldn't do a thing like that. That's the way they do it as a maid company. Boy, am I glad to see all you people. I had a terrible dream. I had a terrible dream that nobody cared about me anymore. Yeah. I was dreaming of a sly Christmas.
I thought my friend had passed ask me by. Why you know, just tell o that you're one fellow that we all take a deny. You are loved by both the kids and old folks, though you have whiskers on your joke. Help me, ma. Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring. A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire. Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. Chumbacasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumba casino dot com.
Can I give you $30 to lean into your decision to start working out and eating better? I'm Carl, cofounder of Body. That's b o d I. And right now, if you sign up for a one year subscription to Body, I'll give you an instant $30 discount. That's 59% off. Look. I know it's not easy to get fit and lose weight, especially if you're trying to figure it out by yourself, but we make it simple. Just follow a program for twenty to thirty minutes day by day and lose five to 10 pounds a month. We have over a 20 programs that have been tested and proven to work and almost 300,005 star reviews in the app store to prove it. Body also has complete eating plans and thousands of healthy delicious recipes. So stop guessing and start seeing results with Body. And let me give you a $30 instant discount right now so you save big on the app that CNN underscore named best fitness app. So don't wait. Sign up for a year of BODY and get a $30 instant discount to save 59 percent. Just go to body.com.
That's bodywithani.com.
[00:01:00] Unknown:
Judy was boring. Hello. Then Judy discovered chumbacasino.com.
[00:01:05] Unknown:
It's my little escape. Now Judy's the life of the party. Oh, baby. Mama's bringing home the bacon. Woah. Take it easy,
[00:01:13] Unknown:
Judy. Chumba Life is for everybody. So go to Chumbacasino.com and play over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Get to Chumba.Chumbacasino.com. No purchase necessary for you. We're prohibited by law. 18 plus terms and conditions apply. See website for details. Hey, Costello. Costello, what are you doing here tonight all dressed up like Santa Claus? Oh, I'm putting on a Christmas party tonight, Adam. Yeah. For my little brother Sebastian. I got the Santa Claus suit, a bag full of toys. I even got a sleigh. Now how about the reindeer? The what? Don't you have reindeer? Not in California, honey.
Look. Where are you going to have this party in your suite? My what? You're sweet. You're cute too. Look. Well, James, Christmas doesn't come until next Monday. Why are you having Sebastian's party tonight? I gotta have it tonight, Abbot. What do you mean? I simply gotta have it tonight. Why? Sebastian won't be home, Monday. He's joining the Marines. The Marines? That's ridiculous. How could little Sebastian join the Marines? He's only five years old. He lied about his age. What a party this is gonna be tonight. What a party. What do you mean? My whole family's gonna be there. We're gonna have a whole electric Christmas. And all electric Christmas. What do you mean by that? Well, now let me see. What day? Oh, yes.
Oh, and all electric You said all electric Christmas. What about it? It? Sebastian is getting an electric train? Yes. My mother is gonna get electric washing machine, and my father is getting electric freezer. And what about your uncle, Otter Stevens? He's getting the electric chair. Look, Catzilla, how about the tree? Did you buy a Christmas tree? I bought the biggest Christmas tree ever saw of it. That's right. I just got it through putting it up in the living room. That's fine. Got a tree. Mhmm. It's six feet higher than the ceiling. Woah. It's a shame you have to cut the top off. That's Tad, you cut a hole in the ceiling of our living room? Yep. This will be the first year we ever had a Christmas tree about that one.
Tad, I don't know how to cut it. Alright. Forget it. But look, What kind of a tree did you get? Is it a fir tree? Yeah. It's one of those great big What what'd you say? I said it is a fir tree. Is it a fir tree? Yeah. Whoever heard of a tree made out of fir? I'm only asking you It's made out of wood like any other tree. Of course. Is it a fir A dope. Listen. I'm I'm a dope. Of course. It's made out of wood, you dummy. I'm not talking about fur, f u r. The fur, I mean, has an I in it. The fur, you mean has an I in it? Yeah. Just one eye? It's personally, there is just one eye in fur. Now wait that night. A one eyed fur.
What kind of animals do you run around with? Animals. I'm trying to find out what kind of a Christmas tree you bought. Hey. Look. What kind of bark did it have? What kind of bark? Yeah. Didn't you didn't you notice the trees, bark? Oh, I have my earmuffs on. I couldn't hear a thing. No. No. No. No. Bark bark. The tree's outside. The tree is outside. Certainly. Why you do it outside? So I thought I put it inside the house. Did you put it out of it? Castilla. Castilla. Why you bring that with the tree in the house? Castilla Bean, the bark of a tree is the the outer coat. Did the tree have a rough coat? No. But the girl that sold it to me had on a smooth sweater. Will you listen to me, please? The bark is the coat on the trunk of a bird tree. Now the tree has a trunk. Yeah. Of course. That's probably where he keeps his coat first. Buckle up. Russell, I'm gonna. I'm silly. I know there's nothing silly about it. If you listen, I'm gonna try to explain this to you. Look, all Christmas trees belong to the pine family. Oh, no, they don't. My Christmas tree belongs to me. Let the pine family get the rope.
Nevermind the pine family. I'm talking about the pine tree. We get pitch from pine. We get what? Didn't you ever get pitch from a pine tree? No. I never rode a pine tree, but I got pitched off a horse once. No. No. I'm talking about a pitch. Pitch tar. Didn't you ever hear of pine tar? No. But I heard of a tree tar. Tree tar? Yeah. Clang, clang, clang. What's a tree tar species of pine. Now you can tell the different kinds of pine trees by the shape of the cone. By the shape of the cone? Yeah. Now what shape are the cone? Well, the you know the shape the cones are in. What what are they? Well, my cone, he's short and fat like me and missus cone is skinny like you. No. No. No. No. Look. Never mind that. I'm talking about the cones in your tree. You're talking about the cones in my tree? Yes. Why would the cones be doing in my tree? None. I bought it from eight three. Alright. Never mind that. And you bought it. Cones got nothing to it. Look, Costello for the last time, you bought a Christmas tree, didn't you? Yeah. Alright. Now, well, a Christmas tree is an evergreen tree that belongs to the pine family. Now it's a far tree. It has a rough coat, haubot. If you climb the tree, you'll find a bunch of cones and they will be surrounded by long sharp needles sticking in their limbs. Now just a minute, Albert. This time you have gone too far. Gone too far? That's what I said. What do you mean by that? I didn't mind it when you said that my tree belongs to the pine family. I thought you were only slightly crazy when you said the tree barked and wore a fur coat and that keeps the coat in the trunk. For when you asked me to climb that tree and stick long sharp needle into the lens of my friend, the cone.
Not only have you imbued on my good name, but you have dragged me through the mud with my and missus cone. It's a collectible likeness. Well, Costello, let's get the house all ready for your party. Did you put the tinsel on the Christmas tree? No. I couldn't find any tinsel this year, Abbott. So I trimmed the tree with spaghetti and boy, does it look beautiful. Oh, what's beautiful about trimming a tree with spaghetti? Every time I plug it in, the meatballs light up. Here's all I said. Please, Costello, I hope you've taken care of. Body. Oh, sure. I'm gonna serve ham sandwiches with mustoro. Mustoro is for a cold. Well, this is cold ham. Oh.
Hey. You'll wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Giusevallo? Yeah. You ordered some wood for your fireplace. That's right. I'm here with load. Where do you want me to put it? You'd better put us a bed. Please, please let's not waste any time. Just file the wood there in the corner. And come on, Costello. We better start putting the gifts around the tree. By the way, what kind of a present did you buy for Connie Haines? Oh, but I bought her the most beautiful corsage. That's where no, no, not corsage. You mean corsage? No. No. No. You mean corsage. A g e is pronounced odd as in corsage and garage. Where did you get the corsage? Oh, from the man who comes to collect the garbage.
This is going to be a fine party. I can see. I what what in the world was that? It was me, Uncle Bud. The best. What are you doing with that shotgun? It's a present for you, Uncle Bud. I was hanging it on a Christmas tree and it went off. Well, I hope you didn't break anything. Do you know that mahogany door that leads into your tent? Yes. Well, it's a screen door now. Oh, come on Sebastian. Run along. Say, I wonder where the, the holly berries and the flowers are and all that I ordered. You ordered flowers? Yes. Well, now wait a minute. Can you think of anything nicer than flowers on the table? Yeah. Meat and potatoes. Oh.
Wait a minute. That's probably the flowers. Come in. I don't want any flowers. The last time I smelled that, and that's tertiary bum, I got a big bump on my nose. And that's special bum. And that's special bum. That's nastricium. There is no bee in it. There was a bee in this one. There was a bee. That's Sting. Look, pay no attention, Castello Kinto. By the way, what kind of flowers have you got? Did you bring me any pansies? No, no. I'm sorry. When I went out in the garden this morning, I discovered my pansies were drooping. Why don't you wear suspenders?
Never mind that. What did you bring us kids old? Well, I brought you some of those beautiful brass flowers. Brass flowers? Yeah. Petunia. Gentlemen, how about buying one of these beautiful holly wreath? They come directly from the Capitol Mountain. What's so wonderful about that? What? Hostel, have you ever seen the Catskill Mountains? No, but I've seen the Catskill mice. Have a son joke. Hey? No time for judging. No. No. No. Gentlemen. Fabunas, take your wasting my time and time with me is money. Oh, yeah? Well, I'd like to take a peek at your income. What are you, an income thief? Yeah.
You know, I'm a very busy man. Do you want to buy some flowers or don't you make up your mind? Yes or maybe? No. Cut out. Let's see what Kittel has in that box. Watch where you're walking. You just stepped on my puppy. On your puppy's what? The plants you just broke are puppies. So what? I'll buy puppies from the wounds and I'll buy some mommy I'll tell you what to be a You wanna be a Either way or tell me not. I don't care. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Come over here. Come over here. You know what's wrong with you Lou? Here I get just a great flourish to come here and decorate your house for the Christmas party you deliberately and sell him. Yes. That's right. Costello, if I wasn't a bigger man than you, I, I would punch you right in the nose. Well, it so happens that I'm bigger than you. That's a better reason.
Well, I bid you good night gentlemen. And that's a fine way to talk to Kittel. Don't you know that he's famous all over the world for his flowers? His flowers win prizes everywhere. They do? Oh, certainly. Why next week he's going to exhibit at the Pasadena flower show. No. Yeah. Kissel is going to show his rhododendron. To everybody? Yeah. Well, what do you know? There isn't going to be any party. Now if you'll go to sleep like a good little boy, your brother Louie will tell you a nice bedtime story. Will you tell me the one about the fondest daughter? What? I never heard of such a story. Get the character of my uncle brother. No. No. No. No. Costello, you've gotta get this little boy to sleep. Why why don't you sing him a lullaby? Okay. Go ahead. I'll I'll sing him something. Come here, Sebastian. Now sit down my knee. I'm gonna sing a beautiful song about Christmas. Now listen to me. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
I wish I had a hard day today. Just like you know, Sebastian, I was a little boy like you. Uh-huh. And I was a bad boy too. I remember how my mother my mother oh, Look, uncle Bun. Louie has gone to sleep. Yes. Your brother Louie always gets sleepy after dinner. I wonder if we ought to pick him up and fuck him. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Shh. Don't disturb him. He's dreaming. Oh, dear. Just look at you, Louie. I'm good with you too. How'd you get your clothes so muddy? Ma. I was trying to pull a worm out of the ground. But what happened? The worm pulled first. So I'll see who's at the door. You go wash your dirty tits. Why can't I just cover the third up with powder like you do?
Why it's the little avid boy and the Niles boy. Yes. We we came over to stay with Louie tonight. Kenny now is his teacher's pet. Is your father riding a bird tonight, Kenny? Oh, Kenny father riding a bird. Whoever gave you that idea? I heard his mother say he was out on a flat last night. Shame on you, Louis. Mrs. Castell, I'm no stool pigeon, remember? What happened? There's a snitch. You shut down. You shut down. What happened? There's a dirty snitch. Louis came over off my shoulder. I will ask you. I'll get around to you, Louis. Don't worry.
Louis came over to my house and asked my mother to take off her shoes. Louis. Yeah. Why did you ask miss Eva to take off her shoes? I heard you say she was getting close feet and I wanted to see them. And they never fly to this. Oh, no. Now you shouldn't stop this arguing and get into bed immediately, and I don't wanna hear another word arguing till morning. Now good night. Hey. Let's not go to sleep. Hey. Let's wait up for Santa Claus. What do you guys say? Hey. Hey. Listen to those play bells. You must be Santa Claus. Look. He's parking up there on the top of the roof. Hey. He drives like my old man. Look. He's getting ready to slide down the chimney.
Who built that fire in there? I did. I wanted to see you make a mess of yourself. Please, Santa Claus. I hope you brought us some nice presents. Only the boys who aren't listed in my big black book get presents. Louis Costello, I have a report I got from your school teacher. Wait a minute. Do you do you have to read it now? Yes. It says here that you painted all the blackboards red. You chopped off the legs of the chairs. You put a goat in the cloakroom. Yeah. You fill the inkwells with glue, and you put frogs in all the lunchboxes. Yeah.
What do you say to that? None of us is perfect. I'll get back to you later, Louis. Now, buddy Abbott, what do you want for Christmas? Well, then my mother told me to ask you for a a new slingshot. Well, here it is. But why does your mother want you to have a slingshot? So she can get her cars back. You behave yourself, Louise. Yes, ma'am. What? Yes, sir. That's better. You gotta be one of the others. Now, Kenny Niles, is it your turn? Here's a beautiful present for you. Oh, goody goody. That's just what I always wanted. A nice little tinker toy. That's a great present for you Niles. A little tinker toy for a big tinker. Alright, Kenny. You and Buddy Abbott run along to bed.
I've got something to say to this little Costello boy. Thanks for the president. Good night. Good night. Now Louis Costello, let's see what else I have written in my big black book. Every naughty thing you've done is in this book. If he ever turns to page eight, I'm cooked. Page eight. You hit it right on the head. I see that a few years ago, you flirted with a little girl in school. Is that true? Uh-huh. You give her your class pin? What class pin? I was only two years old. I gave her the only pin I had. Well, let's let the whole thing drop. That's what happened.
That's settled, sir, Louis. I'm afraid there's nothing I can leave you for Christmas. Nothing? You mean just plain nothing? That's right, Louis. A great big nothing? Yes. Maybe someday when you've learned to behave yourself, I may come back again. Good night. Nothing at all. Oh, I'm a bad boy. Nobody likes me anymore. Even Santa Claus can't even stand me. Those two snitches, Buddy Abbott and Ken Niles, they both got presents, but I got nothing. I'm, I'm gonna write a note and I'm gonna run away from home. That's what I'm gonna do. Dear mom and dad, when you read this, I will be a thousand miles away and don't try to find me because I'm not ever gonna come back anymore.
Maybe, maybe when I'm old, about 10 or 11 years old. And then after I make a million dollars, everybody will be sorry that they were so mean to me, especially those two snitches, Abbott, Nat, Niles. Listen, everybody. Please don't forget to feed my little pet scum twice a week. There's a clothespin hanging by his cage. PS, mom, don't forget to let my turtle swim in a bathtub on Saturday night. Please do this for me. Your lovin' son, Louie Costello. Hey. Look, Sebastian. Your brother Louie is still sleeping, the poor guy. He went to sleep thinking that nobody was coming to his party. Yeah. Will he be surprised when he sees all the people? Come on in everybody. Come on, Constella. Wake up. Wake up.
Wait a minute. What what's going on here? We're all here for your party, Lou. Honey's pain. Oh, I'm glad you came. I've been waiting all year for you to sit up. Oh, boy. All year for you. Just to be standing close for you. Come on. Sit on my knee and I'll give you big kiss. But Santa Claus wouldn't do a thing like that. That's the way they do it as a maid company. Boy, am I glad to see all you people. I had a terrible dream. I had a terrible dream that nobody cared about me anymore. Yeah. I was dreaming of a sly Christmas.
I thought my friend had passed ask me by. Why you know, just tell o that you're one fellow that we all take a deny. You are loved by both the kids and old folks, though you have whiskers on your joke. Help me, ma. Okay. Round two. Name something that's not boring. A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire. Sorry. We were looking for Chumba Casino. Chumba. That's right. Chumbacasino.com has over a hundred casino style games. Join today and play for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Chumba. Chumba casino dot com.
