In this lively episode, Ryan shares his love for fun and introduces listeners to his favorite pastime, Chamba Casino, where a variety of social casino-style games await. With new games released weekly and daily bonuses up for grabs, Ryan invites everyone to join in the excitement. The conversation takes a humorous turn as Ryan and his co-host engage in a comedic dialogue reminiscent of classic radio shows, filled with witty exchanges and absurd scenarios involving quirky family members and their antics.
The episode continues with a series of comedic sketches, featuring characters like Uncle Mike and Aunt May, who bring laughter with their outlandish inventions and mishaps. From magnetized cheese for catching rats to a horse-fish hybrid experiment, the humor is nonstop. The hosts also explore the challenges of finding the perfect gift for a father, leading to a series of hilarious misunderstandings and wordplay. This episode is a delightful mix of fun, nostalgia, and comedy, sure to entertain listeners of all ages.
(00:00) Introduction and Fun Facts
(01:14) Family Antics and Comedy
(06:00) Shopping Adventures and Mishaps
(13:02) Fashion Advice and Humor
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun, Chamba Casino. They have hundreds of social casino casino style games to choose from with new games released each week. You can play for free anytime, anywhere, and each day brings a new chance to collect daily bonuses. So join me in the fun. Sign up now at chumbacasino.com.
[00:00:31] Unknown:
With Lucky Land Slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom? Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:44] Unknown:
No. Lucky Land Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry.
[00:00:49] Unknown:
In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:52] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for were prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for details.
[00:01:15] Unknown:
Castella, you got my lady. Castella, you could you got the wackiest family I've ever thought. Yesterday, they were all walking around the house, all walking around the house carrying time. So we gotta do that, Abbot. We're picketing the kitchen. Picketing the kitchen floor. Two hour hours between meals and longer spaghetti. And another thing, Fat Phillips, I noticed that you've got three police dogs sleeping in your power. When did you buy them? We didn't. Temp these dogs, they don't belong to us, Abbot. Then what are they doing in your power? The finance company put in there to watch the furniture? Yes.
That's all I got. Oh, I love, please. How can you have all your relatives living with you? We put bleachers in our guest room. Oh, please. What a bunch. I noticed your uncle Arty Stevens has a very bad cold. How does that happen? Well, you see, uncle Arty sleeps with his pet skunk. And at 02:00 in the morning, the skunk got up and opened the window. No. That's great, Dick. That's great, Dick. That's great. Yes. Yes. Yes. I get it. That's ridiculous. Tell me, cottle. Will you listen to me, please? Is your uncle Mike still living with you? I beg your pardon? Is your uncle Mike still living with you? Oh, my uncle Mike. You know, I was lost for a second for you, sir. Yeah. That's great. He and he's very helpful around the house. He is. Last week, he connected the radio up to the washing machine. What good is that? Now every time my mother washes pot bread crannons, Frank Sinatra sings, supersad, supersad, lots of more supersad.
Yeah. Alright. Can you please what's the matter with you? Super soft. Yeah. You said that. We'll get a taste of super soft. Alright. Alright. We'll get it. But that's not the point. Your father should ask him to move. Oh, he will when he finds out that uncle Mike hung the shower curtains in the living room. He hung the shower curtains in the living room. And what happened? What happened? Well, my aunt May went to take a bath. She slipped off her bathrobe, grabbed the soap, pulled back the shower curtains, and stepped right out on the front porch. And she sang, Rock, Cassella. What's your name? What's your name in here, cousin, Tilly? Doesn't she live at your house anymore? Oh, no. We had to get rid of Tilly Abbott. She was she was ruining our front wall. Tilly was ruining your front wall? Yeah. She's so bullied. She scraped all the tape off the wall. Come on. Come on, Godzilla. How did your cousin Tilly get so bullied? That was caused by the trip she took coming from Paterson to Hollywood. Oh, no. No. No. How did Tilly trip from New Jersey to California make her bully? He hitchhiked the ride on a oil truck.
Now, Stella, why did your family ever come to California in the first place? Well, my uncle Mike came out here to sell his invention. He invented magnetized cheese for catching rats. Magnetized cheese for catching rats. Yes. And this cheese is so powerful that any rat will stick to it like glue. Well, why does your uncle Mike saw it? He can't get it out of his hand. All right. That's preposterous. All your uncle Mike does around here is go to the race track. I saw him out there on Saturday. He had to go to the race track habit to work on his new experiment. He's crossing a horse with a fish. Now wait a minute, Costello. That that's impossible. Nobody can cross a horse with a fish. Well, I heard on somebody at Made that he put a fin on a horse's nose. I look Costello, you're a member, so why do you continue insist on showing your ignorance? What's the coolest having ignorance if you can't show it?
You are even dumber than your uncle Mike. Why did your aunt May ever marry him? She married uncle Mike because she reminded her of her first seven husbands. Your aunt May had seven husbands and they were all like your uncle Mike. Who are that gambled she took with love? Yeah. She finally hit the jerk pot for Jersey. Cressida, I sympathize with your father living with that bunch of parasites. What did you say? I said your relative's a parasite. That's a lie. They are not parasites. They're Americans just like you and me. That's what why don't you do something to make your father happy with it? Look, why don't you go out and get a job? Oh, I couldn't do that, Abbot, because I promised my mother I would never hurt anybody's feelings. You're getting a job couldn't hurt anybody's feelings. It could hurt mine.
Besides, I tried to get a job in the air force as a bombardier, but they turned me down. Yeah. I don't believe that. Okay. I'll read you this Saturday, Stephanie. Here it says right here. Dear Lou Costello, we cannot use you in the air force as a bombardier. The general listened to your program last Thursday night and he said Costello may be alright on the radio, but how do we know he can raise those aids from 10,000 feet? Get them out of there. Get them. Well, tell them when there's a taxi, call them. Call the taxi? Yeah. Call them. Go, taxi. Taxi. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Are you okay? I got a script too.
If your father wasn't my landlord, I'd fire you off this show tonight, brother. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. And if I wasn't bigger than you, I'd punch you right in the nose. It so happens that I am bigger than you. That's a better reason. Oh, come on, Cotto. Let's go before the store closes. My goodness, Gusto. This department store is certainly crowded. Oh, this is nothing. You should have been here with me Saturday. They had a sale on men's trousers. What am I? How them women were grabbing the stuff? One little short woman in back of me kept hollering. I gotta get some trousers for my husband. I gotta get some trousers for my husband. Did you get them? You must have. I went home without my pants. Hey. I'm taking your pardon, Patty boy.
Aren't you, Lucas? Hello? Yeah. That's me. Well, I've been following you all around the store. I got a very important message for you. It's a special it's a special special delivery? No. A telegraph. And it's just 50¢ a lot. Okay. Here's the 50¢. Fine. I'll sing them for you. Happy Father's Day to you. Happy Father's Day to you. Hello. Happy Father's Day to you. Hello, No. Who said that to me? I did. You did. Well, in the first place, this is a. And in the second place, you don't even know me. That's right. But can you think of a better way to make a half a buck? Oh, so long you have to tell me a little ass.
That's what you get for talking to strangers, gossett. But come on. We've gotta find a present for your father. Hey. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where's the undies department, and I need some. Hey, clerk. What's on your mind, Ralph, round the mittoskin? I'd like to see someone to wear that would fit me. Who wouldn't? Take up one of your lines, Denise.
[00:08:35] Unknown:
For your information, Calvin, this is the ladies land survey department, and I am a model three. A model t? You smell like a model t.
[00:08:44] Unknown:
I I I I I I. Young man, be careful how you talk to that lady. She may be a woman. Boy, this show is suffering this show is suffering from too much help. Hey, I have to try that guy. We can't for manpower commission. Throws them for this job. Yeah. Well, remind me to defrost them in the morning. Hey, Cutfellow. There's an ocean counter over there. Maybe we could get something there. Oh, look at that girl behind the counter. Would she be beautiful?
[00:09:18] Unknown:
What is it? Have you got any notions? No. And if you all got any, you'd better get rid of them. My father is a store detective, and he's sixty five inches tall. He weighs two hundred and seventy pounds. And yesterday, a fresh guy like you flirted with me and my daddy basked his head in. Now what do you want? Gloves, socks, or Hankerson? I'll take an aspirin.
[00:09:42] Unknown:
Hey, look, Priscilla. Now there's something that would be very nice for your father. A nice soft pillow. Fill up or down. Up or down. Up or down. Up or down. Up or down. You see that pillow up there? That's down. How can it be down if it's up there? You dummy, I'm not talking about where it is. I'm talking about what it is. The pillow is up, but it's down. It's up, but it's down? Evan, are we both looking at the same pillow? Of course. Of course. That pillow up there. Then you admit that the pillow was up. Certainly it's up, but it's down. Yes. I've been watching that pulling an ankle yet. And I've been up there. That's right. You just said it was down. How did it get down? It didn't get down. It is down. It's always been down. That pillow is down even when it's up. One of course is nuts. That pillow is down Catzilla. You get down off a duck's back. That's a lie. I never even got up on a duck's back.
I, I didn't say you got up on a duck's back. I said you get down off a duck's back. How can I get down off a duck's back if I never got on a duck's back? Please. Don't get off a duck's back if you don't get out of it. Yeah. Now listen to you, dummy. When I say the pillow is down, I don't mean down like in the direction down. I mean down like the kind of down you get when you get down off a duck's back. And that kind of down can be up or down and it's still down. Oh, when you say the puller was down, you don't mean down like the direction down. You mean down like the kind of down you get when you get down off a duck's back. Is that kind of down? Can be up or down and it's down. Now you've got it. Oh I got it. Well, Gautela we've been all through the store and you still haven't bought your father's cousin. I don't know what to get him at it. Every time I get him a person he loses it. Last year I bought him a watch. He lost it. You bought him a watch and he lost it. Yeah. How did he lose it? He couldn't keep up the payment.
Hello? Talk to him, Chuck. I'll tell a look. Hey. There's your aunt Eva in the, sporting goods department. Now I wonder what she's shopping for. Oh, she's gonna buy my uncle Tom a shotgun. Did your uncle Tom tell her what kind of a shotgun to get? No. He don't even know she's gonna shoot him. And he was very mean to your uncle Tom. He is not? Three years ago, she made him a sponge cake. A sponge cake? Yep. He still uses every time he takes a bath. Well now that's silly Godzilla. Look, why don't you get your father a book or a game something to amuse himself. I couldn't do that of it. Last Christmas I got an electric train to play with and he had a terrible accident. Oh, now Tom Tom, how did your father have an accident with a toy train? He was running it in the living room and when the train went by he thought he saw an empty seat and he just saw it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I got to figure out the second time. Say it again then. I don't know. He thought he saw an empty seat and he's just for it.
All right. I got an idea. I want to get them something to wear. How about hey. How about a, full dress suit? Oh, you know my father wearing a fancy dresser. Your mother should make him dress up. Dress up. Why my mother has to spickle text around the house to get him to wear shoes. Catella, there must be something that your father needs. I got it. I know exactly what you need. What is it? I'll get him a vest with rubber pocket. What does your father need a vest with rubber pockets for? Because when he eats up he always likes to take home the red tea bags. Alright. Alright. Sorry, Joker. Anything you get anything you get at, Bella. Go ahead. Buy him the vest. And now, Godzilla, if you're going to step out with your father, you should get yourself a new suit. Oh, your clothes look terrible. I can't help it. I wish I had somebody to pick up my clothes for me. Now you know I'm glad you said that, Catello, because right here in this store, they have the world's greatest authority on men's clothes. Ah, greetings, gentlemen. I am the world's greatest authority on men's style, professor Melon Head.
Better known as fashion plate Melon Head. Fashion what Melon Head? Fashion plate. Place. Hey. The head looks more like a soup bowl. Hey. You know what I sound like though? I see more hair on a cut set toothbrush. Hello? Wherever I go, my head arouses admiration. Your head would arouse the mother instinct in an ostrich, And it would get results. Now now I've got to tell you you should not profess this herb. I've not better looking things than that with a cocaine on it. In my head, if you can get two more guys with heads like yours, I can get a silly job. Doing what? Hanging out in front of a pawnshop. With a star like yours, I'll bet you don't get any girls. No. For your information to settle, I get more girls than I can shake a stick at. Yeah. But who wants to go around shaking sticks at girls?
Oh, Oh, calm, calm, Godsello wasting time. Professor Mello, do you think you could make a well dressed man out of Priscilla? Have it? I could make two well dressed men out of him and have enough left over to make an overstuffed midget. Now Priscilla, the problem with you, mister Lucas Gostello, is that you're all in a shape. Look at you. Instead of your shoulders being square, your stomach is square. Well, I can't help that, melon head. That's because I eat Wheaties. Wheaties? Eating Wheaties makes your stomach square. I eat the boxes too. Now, Costello, look. To correct the slope in your shoulders, I will have to pad them up. What are you gonna pad them up with? Down. Up or down? Down or up? Yes. You don't look like that.
Alright. Who talk who talk to buy you? Mister Abbott is right. Mister Abbott is right, Gastel. You look like an embryonic warthress. Now look. What's the idea of wearing I'd like to find my box on what I gotta find it on what rat. Look how you're dressed. What's the idea of wearing that locket around your neck? You shouldn't have mentioned that, Melon Head. I wear this locket as I remember my old girlfriend. Poor Ruby. In here is a lack of her hair. Oh, I'm sorry. Is Ruby gone? Nope. But her hair is. Oh, no. Why are you irritating him, but still if I were your father, I'd give you a Mickey. Melon Head, if you was my father, I'd take it.
Dumb, dumb, professor. All this is not getting Nutella dressed up. You're right, Abbot. So how about your clothes? Do you have flannel? Yes. Do you have gabardine? Yes. Do you have clothes? What? I said do you have grilled? Only when I go out with germs. Alright. Now Cassello, I will repair your entire sore tail and thumb. First, I will put a zipper on your steersucker. I'll cut the braid edges off your cashmere. I will twist your tweed, shorten your shimmyth. I'll take a sharp needle, put a few stitches in your wisted, and then I will run a hot iron over your herringbone. You wouldn't dare.
You haven't got the nerve. Cut cut cut fella. Don't cut cut me, mellow head. This time you have gone too far. I didn't say nothing when you took me for a sucker with that zipper. I kept my last step when you put twisted weeds in my Chevrolet for how long. I didn't feel when you took that sharp needle and put stitches in that innocent cashier when you took that hot iron and deliberately burned that poor hurling phone, you not only impute on my good name, but you have passed a sprain on hot, shutters, and.
Hey, guys. It is Ryan. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a fun fanatic when I can. I like to work, but I like fun too. It's a thing. And now the truth is out there. I can tell you about my favorite place to have fun, Chamba Casino. They have hundreds of social casino casino style games to choose from with new games released each week. You can play for free anytime, anywhere, and each day brings a new chance to collect daily bonuses. So join me in the fun. Sign up now at chumbacasino.com.
[00:00:31] Unknown:
With Lucky Land Slots, you can get lucky just about anywhere. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to has anyone seen the bride and groom? Sorry. Sorry. We're here. We were getting lucky in the limo, and we lost track of time.
[00:00:44] Unknown:
No. Lucky Land Casino with cash prizes that add up quicker than a guest registry.
[00:00:49] Unknown:
In that case, I pronounce you lucky.
[00:00:52] Unknown:
Play for free at luckylandslots.com. Daily bonuses are waiting. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for were prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. See website for details.
[00:01:15] Unknown:
Castella, you got my lady. Castella, you could you got the wackiest family I've ever thought. Yesterday, they were all walking around the house, all walking around the house carrying time. So we gotta do that, Abbot. We're picketing the kitchen. Picketing the kitchen floor. Two hour hours between meals and longer spaghetti. And another thing, Fat Phillips, I noticed that you've got three police dogs sleeping in your power. When did you buy them? We didn't. Temp these dogs, they don't belong to us, Abbot. Then what are they doing in your power? The finance company put in there to watch the furniture? Yes.
That's all I got. Oh, I love, please. How can you have all your relatives living with you? We put bleachers in our guest room. Oh, please. What a bunch. I noticed your uncle Arty Stevens has a very bad cold. How does that happen? Well, you see, uncle Arty sleeps with his pet skunk. And at 02:00 in the morning, the skunk got up and opened the window. No. That's great, Dick. That's great, Dick. That's great. Yes. Yes. Yes. I get it. That's ridiculous. Tell me, cottle. Will you listen to me, please? Is your uncle Mike still living with you? I beg your pardon? Is your uncle Mike still living with you? Oh, my uncle Mike. You know, I was lost for a second for you, sir. Yeah. That's great. He and he's very helpful around the house. He is. Last week, he connected the radio up to the washing machine. What good is that? Now every time my mother washes pot bread crannons, Frank Sinatra sings, supersad, supersad, lots of more supersad.
Yeah. Alright. Can you please what's the matter with you? Super soft. Yeah. You said that. We'll get a taste of super soft. Alright. Alright. We'll get it. But that's not the point. Your father should ask him to move. Oh, he will when he finds out that uncle Mike hung the shower curtains in the living room. He hung the shower curtains in the living room. And what happened? What happened? Well, my aunt May went to take a bath. She slipped off her bathrobe, grabbed the soap, pulled back the shower curtains, and stepped right out on the front porch. And she sang, Rock, Cassella. What's your name? What's your name in here, cousin, Tilly? Doesn't she live at your house anymore? Oh, no. We had to get rid of Tilly Abbott. She was she was ruining our front wall. Tilly was ruining your front wall? Yeah. She's so bullied. She scraped all the tape off the wall. Come on. Come on, Godzilla. How did your cousin Tilly get so bullied? That was caused by the trip she took coming from Paterson to Hollywood. Oh, no. No. No. How did Tilly trip from New Jersey to California make her bully? He hitchhiked the ride on a oil truck.
Now, Stella, why did your family ever come to California in the first place? Well, my uncle Mike came out here to sell his invention. He invented magnetized cheese for catching rats. Magnetized cheese for catching rats. Yes. And this cheese is so powerful that any rat will stick to it like glue. Well, why does your uncle Mike saw it? He can't get it out of his hand. All right. That's preposterous. All your uncle Mike does around here is go to the race track. I saw him out there on Saturday. He had to go to the race track habit to work on his new experiment. He's crossing a horse with a fish. Now wait a minute, Costello. That that's impossible. Nobody can cross a horse with a fish. Well, I heard on somebody at Made that he put a fin on a horse's nose. I look Costello, you're a member, so why do you continue insist on showing your ignorance? What's the coolest having ignorance if you can't show it?
You are even dumber than your uncle Mike. Why did your aunt May ever marry him? She married uncle Mike because she reminded her of her first seven husbands. Your aunt May had seven husbands and they were all like your uncle Mike. Who are that gambled she took with love? Yeah. She finally hit the jerk pot for Jersey. Cressida, I sympathize with your father living with that bunch of parasites. What did you say? I said your relative's a parasite. That's a lie. They are not parasites. They're Americans just like you and me. That's what why don't you do something to make your father happy with it? Look, why don't you go out and get a job? Oh, I couldn't do that, Abbot, because I promised my mother I would never hurt anybody's feelings. You're getting a job couldn't hurt anybody's feelings. It could hurt mine.
Besides, I tried to get a job in the air force as a bombardier, but they turned me down. Yeah. I don't believe that. Okay. I'll read you this Saturday, Stephanie. Here it says right here. Dear Lou Costello, we cannot use you in the air force as a bombardier. The general listened to your program last Thursday night and he said Costello may be alright on the radio, but how do we know he can raise those aids from 10,000 feet? Get them out of there. Get them. Well, tell them when there's a taxi, call them. Call the taxi? Yeah. Call them. Go, taxi. Taxi. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Are you okay? I got a script too.
If your father wasn't my landlord, I'd fire you off this show tonight, brother. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. And if I wasn't bigger than you, I'd punch you right in the nose. It so happens that I am bigger than you. That's a better reason. Oh, come on, Cotto. Let's go before the store closes. My goodness, Gusto. This department store is certainly crowded. Oh, this is nothing. You should have been here with me Saturday. They had a sale on men's trousers. What am I? How them women were grabbing the stuff? One little short woman in back of me kept hollering. I gotta get some trousers for my husband. I gotta get some trousers for my husband. Did you get them? You must have. I went home without my pants. Hey. I'm taking your pardon, Patty boy.
Aren't you, Lucas? Hello? Yeah. That's me. Well, I've been following you all around the store. I got a very important message for you. It's a special it's a special special delivery? No. A telegraph. And it's just 50¢ a lot. Okay. Here's the 50¢. Fine. I'll sing them for you. Happy Father's Day to you. Happy Father's Day to you. Hello. Happy Father's Day to you. Hello, No. Who said that to me? I did. You did. Well, in the first place, this is a. And in the second place, you don't even know me. That's right. But can you think of a better way to make a half a buck? Oh, so long you have to tell me a little ass.
That's what you get for talking to strangers, gossett. But come on. We've gotta find a present for your father. Hey. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where's the undies department, and I need some. Hey, clerk. What's on your mind, Ralph, round the mittoskin? I'd like to see someone to wear that would fit me. Who wouldn't? Take up one of your lines, Denise.
[00:08:35] Unknown:
For your information, Calvin, this is the ladies land survey department, and I am a model three. A model t? You smell like a model t.
[00:08:44] Unknown:
I I I I I I. Young man, be careful how you talk to that lady. She may be a woman. Boy, this show is suffering this show is suffering from too much help. Hey, I have to try that guy. We can't for manpower commission. Throws them for this job. Yeah. Well, remind me to defrost them in the morning. Hey, Cutfellow. There's an ocean counter over there. Maybe we could get something there. Oh, look at that girl behind the counter. Would she be beautiful?
[00:09:18] Unknown:
What is it? Have you got any notions? No. And if you all got any, you'd better get rid of them. My father is a store detective, and he's sixty five inches tall. He weighs two hundred and seventy pounds. And yesterday, a fresh guy like you flirted with me and my daddy basked his head in. Now what do you want? Gloves, socks, or Hankerson? I'll take an aspirin.
[00:09:42] Unknown:
Hey, look, Priscilla. Now there's something that would be very nice for your father. A nice soft pillow. Fill up or down. Up or down. Up or down. Up or down. Up or down. You see that pillow up there? That's down. How can it be down if it's up there? You dummy, I'm not talking about where it is. I'm talking about what it is. The pillow is up, but it's down. It's up, but it's down? Evan, are we both looking at the same pillow? Of course. Of course. That pillow up there. Then you admit that the pillow was up. Certainly it's up, but it's down. Yes. I've been watching that pulling an ankle yet. And I've been up there. That's right. You just said it was down. How did it get down? It didn't get down. It is down. It's always been down. That pillow is down even when it's up. One of course is nuts. That pillow is down Catzilla. You get down off a duck's back. That's a lie. I never even got up on a duck's back.
I, I didn't say you got up on a duck's back. I said you get down off a duck's back. How can I get down off a duck's back if I never got on a duck's back? Please. Don't get off a duck's back if you don't get out of it. Yeah. Now listen to you, dummy. When I say the pillow is down, I don't mean down like in the direction down. I mean down like the kind of down you get when you get down off a duck's back. And that kind of down can be up or down and it's still down. Oh, when you say the puller was down, you don't mean down like the direction down. You mean down like the kind of down you get when you get down off a duck's back. Is that kind of down? Can be up or down and it's down. Now you've got it. Oh I got it. Well, Gautela we've been all through the store and you still haven't bought your father's cousin. I don't know what to get him at it. Every time I get him a person he loses it. Last year I bought him a watch. He lost it. You bought him a watch and he lost it. Yeah. How did he lose it? He couldn't keep up the payment.
Hello? Talk to him, Chuck. I'll tell a look. Hey. There's your aunt Eva in the, sporting goods department. Now I wonder what she's shopping for. Oh, she's gonna buy my uncle Tom a shotgun. Did your uncle Tom tell her what kind of a shotgun to get? No. He don't even know she's gonna shoot him. And he was very mean to your uncle Tom. He is not? Three years ago, she made him a sponge cake. A sponge cake? Yep. He still uses every time he takes a bath. Well now that's silly Godzilla. Look, why don't you get your father a book or a game something to amuse himself. I couldn't do that of it. Last Christmas I got an electric train to play with and he had a terrible accident. Oh, now Tom Tom, how did your father have an accident with a toy train? He was running it in the living room and when the train went by he thought he saw an empty seat and he just saw it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I got to figure out the second time. Say it again then. I don't know. He thought he saw an empty seat and he's just for it.
All right. I got an idea. I want to get them something to wear. How about hey. How about a, full dress suit? Oh, you know my father wearing a fancy dresser. Your mother should make him dress up. Dress up. Why my mother has to spickle text around the house to get him to wear shoes. Catella, there must be something that your father needs. I got it. I know exactly what you need. What is it? I'll get him a vest with rubber pocket. What does your father need a vest with rubber pockets for? Because when he eats up he always likes to take home the red tea bags. Alright. Alright. Sorry, Joker. Anything you get anything you get at, Bella. Go ahead. Buy him the vest. And now, Godzilla, if you're going to step out with your father, you should get yourself a new suit. Oh, your clothes look terrible. I can't help it. I wish I had somebody to pick up my clothes for me. Now you know I'm glad you said that, Catello, because right here in this store, they have the world's greatest authority on men's clothes. Ah, greetings, gentlemen. I am the world's greatest authority on men's style, professor Melon Head.
Better known as fashion plate Melon Head. Fashion what Melon Head? Fashion plate. Place. Hey. The head looks more like a soup bowl. Hey. You know what I sound like though? I see more hair on a cut set toothbrush. Hello? Wherever I go, my head arouses admiration. Your head would arouse the mother instinct in an ostrich, And it would get results. Now now I've got to tell you you should not profess this herb. I've not better looking things than that with a cocaine on it. In my head, if you can get two more guys with heads like yours, I can get a silly job. Doing what? Hanging out in front of a pawnshop. With a star like yours, I'll bet you don't get any girls. No. For your information to settle, I get more girls than I can shake a stick at. Yeah. But who wants to go around shaking sticks at girls?
Oh, Oh, calm, calm, Godsello wasting time. Professor Mello, do you think you could make a well dressed man out of Priscilla? Have it? I could make two well dressed men out of him and have enough left over to make an overstuffed midget. Now Priscilla, the problem with you, mister Lucas Gostello, is that you're all in a shape. Look at you. Instead of your shoulders being square, your stomach is square. Well, I can't help that, melon head. That's because I eat Wheaties. Wheaties? Eating Wheaties makes your stomach square. I eat the boxes too. Now, Costello, look. To correct the slope in your shoulders, I will have to pad them up. What are you gonna pad them up with? Down. Up or down? Down or up? Yes. You don't look like that.
Alright. Who talk who talk to buy you? Mister Abbott is right. Mister Abbott is right, Gastel. You look like an embryonic warthress. Now look. What's the idea of wearing I'd like to find my box on what I gotta find it on what rat. Look how you're dressed. What's the idea of wearing that locket around your neck? You shouldn't have mentioned that, Melon Head. I wear this locket as I remember my old girlfriend. Poor Ruby. In here is a lack of her hair. Oh, I'm sorry. Is Ruby gone? Nope. But her hair is. Oh, no. Why are you irritating him, but still if I were your father, I'd give you a Mickey. Melon Head, if you was my father, I'd take it.
Dumb, dumb, professor. All this is not getting Nutella dressed up. You're right, Abbot. So how about your clothes? Do you have flannel? Yes. Do you have gabardine? Yes. Do you have clothes? What? I said do you have grilled? Only when I go out with germs. Alright. Now Cassello, I will repair your entire sore tail and thumb. First, I will put a zipper on your steersucker. I'll cut the braid edges off your cashmere. I will twist your tweed, shorten your shimmyth. I'll take a sharp needle, put a few stitches in your wisted, and then I will run a hot iron over your herringbone. You wouldn't dare.
You haven't got the nerve. Cut cut cut fella. Don't cut cut me, mellow head. This time you have gone too far. I didn't say nothing when you took me for a sucker with that zipper. I kept my last step when you put twisted weeds in my Chevrolet for how long. I didn't feel when you took that sharp needle and put stitches in that innocent cashier when you took that hot iron and deliberately burned that poor hurling phone, you not only impute on my good name, but you have passed a sprain on hot, shutters, and.
