In this episode, we dive into the fantastical world of Mark Twain's classic, "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court," adapted for the mystery theater by Sam Dan. Our protagonist, a Yankee from Connecticut, finds himself mysteriously transported back in time to the court of King Arthur. As he navigates this strange new world, he must use his wit and knowledge of modern technology to survive and ultimately thrive. The episode explores themes of power, ingenuity, and the clash between modernity and tradition.
As the Yankee attempts to assert his influence in King Arthur's court, he faces skepticism and danger, particularly from the legendary Merlin. With a looming execution, he devises a clever plan to use an impending solar eclipse to his advantage, threatening to plunge the world into darkness unless his demands are met. This thrilling tale of time travel and clever manipulation keeps listeners on the edge of their seats, showcasing Twain's humor and insight into human nature.
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Unknown:
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[00:00:59] Unknown:
And the stories you hear on this program and our own Mark Twain who carried them to the most sublime heights of fantasy and fun. At this time, we propose to give you an exhilarating taste of one of the most exciting stories of fantasy, mystery, and suspense the world has ever known.
[00:01:33] Unknown:
Tell the king that if I am not released from this dungeon immediately, I shall cause a mighty calamity to befall this realm. Oh, please sir, have mercy. Tell the king that I can call forth my magic powers and destroy the sun.
[00:01:50] Unknown:
Destroy the sun but But what? Well, how can a man destroy the sun? It it cannot be done? Clarence, my boy,
[00:01:58] Unknown:
look at me. Do I look stupid? Oh, no, sir. Then if it can't be done, why would I be willing to bet my life I can do it?
[00:02:17] Unknown:
Our mystery drama, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court was adapted from the Mark Twain classic, especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dan and stars Kevin McCarthy. It is sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Luden's medicated cough drops. I'll be back shortly
[00:02:37] Unknown:
with act one. Right now, True Value hardware stores offer you what's missing from almost everybody's life at this time of year, sunlight and warmth. Hi. Pat Summerall to tell you they offer a general electric sunlamp kit and a Titan radiant heater. The GE sun lamp is for fun and relaxation. Its ultraviolet light gives you a healthy natural tan even now when it's too cold for most of us to sit out in the sun. Get the lamp, a clamp on holder and a safety guard and a sun worshiper's guide all for just $13.77. And True Value hardware stores offer the Titan radiant heater for warmth. It's designed for use in barns, garages and chilly basement workshops so you can work in comfort even in the cold. It gives you two fan forced heat ranges controlled by an automatic thermostat.
It's portable and you can mount it overhead too out of the way. It's just $19.88. The GE sunwamp kit and the Titan radiant heater, sunlight and warmth from your participating True Value hardware store. And you can charge it on mastercharge at many stores. Here's a tip from your Better Business Bureau on the metric system. You know use of the metric system as a uniform system of measurement in this country is growing rapidly. But of course, you want to know how it will affect you. Right? Well, take driving your car for example. The kilometer will replace the mile in expressing distances.
Right now one mile is equal to seventeen sixty yards or 5,280 feet. Now isn't it easier to remember that one kilometer is equal to a thousand meters? Your car's speedometer will also change from miles per hour to kilometers per hour. So will speed limit signs on the highways. And again, the standard unit of measure will be the meter. And so when you order a tank full of gas, the liquid measure will be in liters, not gallons. For example, a fill up of 16 gallons is equal to 60 liters. For more information on the metric system,
[00:04:47] Unknown:
Mark Twain begins his story with these words. It was in Warwick Castle that I came across a curious stranger. He attracted me by his candid simplicity, his marvelous familiarity with ancient armor, and the restfulness of his company.
[00:05:05] Unknown:
I thought I would tell you my story, but I've kept a journal. Oh, how long ago that was. Do you know about transmigration of souls? Do you know about transposition of eras and bodies? Ah, well, read and learn.
[00:05:25] Unknown:
He was gone. I examined the sheaf of papers he had left with me. Most of it was parchment, yellow with age, old, old, incredibly old. Carefully, as I feared they would crumble within my fingers, I began to turn the pages. And now begins the stranger's story.
[00:05:49] Unknown:
I'm an American, born and reared in Hartford in the state of Connecticut, a Yankee of the Yankees. My father was a blacksmith. My uncle was a horse doctor, and I was both at first. Then I went over to the great arms factory, and I learned how to make everything, guns, boilers, engine, just about any and every kind of machinery you can imagine. I had a couple of thousand men working for me, but although they were under my jurisdiction, they refused to be under my thumb. You there.
[00:06:21] Unknown:
Shut that machine down. Who says so? I say so. Well, who do you think you are? I'm the boss. Oh, why didn't you go soak your head? I'm giving you an order. I don't take orders from you. How about this, Ronald? Order.
[00:06:38] Unknown:
Now put that machine down. Well, you see, you couldn't explain to him he was doing the wrong thing and wasting company time and material. So I had to develop other methods of communication. Well, that worked out pretty good for a while. But as the good book says, he who lives by the fist. We had a big salty fella named, aptly enough, Hercules, a surly brute he was. Everybody left him strictly alone. I should have left him alone too, but I had to prove who was boss.
[00:07:17] Unknown:
Oh, he laid me out
[00:07:20] Unknown:
with a crusher alongside the head that made everything inside crack. It seemed to spring every joint in my skull. And then suddenly, the world went out in darkness. When I came to, I was sitting under an oak in the midst of a broad and beautiful country landscape. And there was a fellow on a horse looking down at me, a fellow fresh out of a picture book in old time armor from head to heel with a sword and a shield and a prodigious spear. His horse had armor on too with red and green trappings that hung all around him. Oh, it was all gorgeous to look at. And then this this apparition spoke to me.
[00:08:13] Unknown:
Fair, sir. Fair, sir. Will ye joust? Like which? Will ye try a passage of arms? Will I what? For land or lady or knightly honor?
[00:08:28] Unknown:
What are you giving me? Get along back to your circus before I report
[00:08:33] Unknown:
you. Sir, thy incivil, discourteous and unmanly answer shall receive the chastisement it so richly deserved. And don't hurry back.
[00:08:46] Unknown:
As he galloped off, I thought I'd seen the last of him. But wouldn't you know? He suddenly turned around, came a rushing back with his long spear pointed straight at me. I saw he meant business, and so I was up a tree when he arrived. Carve it. Stand and put. No, friend. I don't have any real quarrel with you. Wilt thou tilt with the lads? What makes me think he's from a circus? That's all I thought.
[00:09:12] Unknown:
He has to be from an asylum. Cowardly wretch. Wretch. So I better humor him. Friend. I be not friend of mine. Can't we discuss this reasonably? Dost thou acknowledge thyself captive of my sword and spear? Absolutely.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
And I'll be sure to acknowledge it to your keeper. Part of a surety.
[00:09:33] Unknown:
Thou must this acknowledge to my keeper and thine, his beloved majesty, King Arthur.
[00:09:39] Unknown:
How far are we from Bridgeport?
[00:09:41] Unknown:
Bridgeport?
[00:09:45] Unknown:
I wick not the name. Come. We high toward Camelot. Camelot? You're kidding. Of a surety, Varleste, thou art most free with thy tongue and thou speakest the strangest language.
[00:10:00] Unknown:
Camelot. Camelot. I repeated the word over and over. Camelot was probably the name of the asylum from which this lunatic had escaped. Well, I walked along beside his horse hoping, expecting at any minute to see a familiar sign. And without warning, there stood in front of me a huge castle, flags and banners flying from the towers. I stopped. I was almost petrified with shock because I could see the place was filled with people dressed in the most outlandish costumes. And when they saw me, they were almost struck dumb with fright. Fear not, gentle folk.
[00:10:42] Unknown:
This dark and evil magician can do no further harm. I have vanquished him in terrible combat. Let us now throw him into the dungeon to await the pleasure of the king.
[00:11:00] Unknown:
And they did it into a damp, dark, foul smelling cell, and I didn't know what to think. Yes. I did. This could only be a dream, a dream that I had actually been somehow hurled back in time into King Arthur's court, a place I had hardly ever thought about or to tell the truth cared very much for. And then the cell door was opened and in came a slim young fellow in shrimp colored tights that made him look like a forked carrot. The rest of him was all blue silk and yellow lace.
[00:11:33] Unknown:
He looked at me and he said I have come for you. I'm a page.
[00:11:38] Unknown:
Go along. You ain't more than a paragraph.
[00:11:43] Unknown:
Indeed, thou speakest a foreign tongue. What is thy name? From whence does thou come? And thy raiment, such outlandish clothes. Friend,
[00:11:53] Unknown:
do me a service. Do you belong to the asylum or our Sir, sir, me seem a That'll do. That'll do. You're a patient. Oh, if I could just see the head keeper for a minute. Just for a minute. Head keeper?
[00:12:09] Unknown:
No. But that is a passing strange way to refer to his majesty. Clarence. I am called Amias Lapoulet. Oh, well, I'll call you Clarence for short. You look like a goodhearted fellow. Yes. It is true. And it shall be my undoing. For I was born in an unlucky year. Oh, there's no such thing as an unlucky year. Oh, indeed there is. Thirteen is most unfortunate. And I was born in 05/13.
[00:12:34] Unknown:
Wherefore, it is well known Oh, wait. Clarence, Hold. Stop. Say it again and say it slow. What year was that? 05/13. Five '13. You, don't look it. Now come my boy. I am a stranger and friendless. Be honest and honorable. Are you in your right mind? For soon. Never mind that. Neither I have become a lunatic or something just as awful has happened. Now tell me, honest and true. Now honest and true. Mhmm. Where am I?
[00:13:12] Unknown:
In King Arthur's court and it pleased you.
[00:13:16] Unknown:
And it pleased me. Oh, well, and, according to your notions,
[00:13:24] Unknown:
what year is it now? May, nineteenth day of June.
[00:13:28] Unknown:
No. No. No. No. It can't be. You mean to tell me that I I'll never see my friends again? Never again? Perhaps the divine will shall permit thee too. Well, how? They won't be born for thirteen hundred years. Please, good sir, be of merry countenance. Oh, merry countenance. Do you realize? Wait. Wait. Wait, Clarence. What virtue are we Yankees celebrated for throughout the civilized world?
[00:13:55] Unknown:
Mayhap, I have not heard. Thrift, Clarence.
[00:13:58] Unknown:
Thrift. Now your true Yankee never throws anything away because you can never tell when it'll come in handy. I happen to read one time that the only total eclipse of the sun during the first half of the sixth century occurred on June at exactly three minutes afternoon. Clips? Good, sir. Yes, sir, Clarence.
[00:14:24] Unknown:
Eclipse. Eclipse.
[00:14:26] Unknown:
Is it for adventure something good to eat? Ask me how I intend to use that seemingly insignificant, no account, irrelevant little fact. Ask me. If it plays you, sir. You say this is the 06/19/0538. Well, Clarence, I say it's the 06/19/1879. What magic dost thou speak so? In either case, the day after tomorrow has to be the twenty first. No eclipse is scheduled at all in 1879. Therefore, if we do have one, it's no dream, Clarence. It's no dream.
[00:15:07] Unknown:
Come, sir. It is the signal that the dinner is done at the round table and my master and thine, Sir Kay, desires to show thee before the king and the court. Sir Kay? Yes, sir. And what plans does brother Kay have for me? Oh, sir. Just not no humble monk is he. Sir Kay is foster brother to Aleshe, King Arthur himself. He will have thee kept here till thy friends ransom thee. Clarence, none of my friends have been born yet.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
Sir, speak not such madness. Alright. Let's go. Get the exhibition over with. And what if I am among lunatics? I'm smart enough to become boss of the asylum. Boss?
[00:15:50] Unknown:
Is that thy name? Sir? Boss?
[00:15:59] Unknown:
Jane Arthur's Court. How do I describe it? An immense place filled with loud contrast, a babble of sound, a rainbow of color. The place was a madhouse and at the center, a round table. And around it sat a great company of men dressed in splendid hues. Well, finally, the king raised his hand, and it must have been a signal for silence.
[00:16:24] Unknown:
Sergei, my good brother.
[00:16:26] Unknown:
Yes, our majesty. Is this the sorcerer? It is even true, my liege. Yes. It must be true.
[00:16:33] Unknown:
Who but a sorcerer would wear such outlandish clothing? This should cost $15 secondhand.
[00:16:40] Unknown:
The suit is one of enchantment.
[00:16:43] Unknown:
Who's that? That's, that's Merlin, sir.
[00:16:46] Unknown:
Merlin? Merlin, the mighty magician whom all men fear. The suit is one of enchantment. I behold in him a creature of the devil. A creature of the devil. Your majesty, I see the devil emanate from his body. Burn him. Well, then if it must be done It must be done, your majesty.
[00:17:13] Unknown:
Then let it be done day after tomorrow, the twenty first day of the month
[00:17:18] Unknown:
at high noon. This is not the, the usual manner. They do not kill. They hold for ransom. Well, Clarence, don't worry about it. Well, you say I'm not to worry, but
[00:17:28] Unknown:
they bring me at the stake high noon the day after tomorrow. No, Clarence. They won't be able to swing it.
[00:17:34] Unknown:
Swing? No. You see, I won't be here. Well, I wit not what thou sayest, sir Boss. Where shall thou be? In Hartford, Connecticut. Oh, is is that the place of magic and enchantment where Sir Kay captured thee? Oh, it's a place of magic and enchantment, I guess, in some ways.
[00:17:51] Unknown:
But but dost thou intend to return there? Oh, I don't have to return. I never left. Sir, boss, my poor wits cannot understand. Don't worry about me, Clarence. I'm still there. All this is only a dream.
[00:18:15] Unknown:
And I read on in the stranger's ancient manuscript where he says he was carried off to a dark and narrow cell in a damp and filthy dungeon with some scant remnants for dinner, some moldy straw for a bed and no end of rats for company. And we must leave him there until it is time to return with the second act in just a few moments.
[00:18:40] Unknown:
You can have great taste, lots of great taste and taste with foodie. There are better tatid golf drops with great tasties. Every box wild cherry sweet and savory and both cool and savory. Honey, the way you wish
[00:19:10] Unknown:
Who's just about wiped out smallpox and smallpox vaccinations? Who got the world's pilots and control towers to speak English so you can land safely? Who helps you in dozens of ways? The United Nations. Learn what it's doing for you. Get the free UN booklet. Write United Nations Association, box four seven five, New York one zero zero one seven. There's always been a you in the UN. Presented by this station and the ad council.
[00:19:42] Unknown:
Dreams.
[00:19:45] Unknown:
We all seek to understand the many ways in which god reveals his word. Throughout time, god has spoken to man in dreams. Jehovah said in the Old Testament, listen to my words. If a man be a prophet, I make myself known to him in visions. I speak to him in dreams. So pay attention to your own dreams. They might well reveal flashes of the future, predictions, and warnings of things to come. They may give you a glimpse of God's guidance to lead you back to the peace and security of his way. For your free booklet on dreams, write to the Foundation Church, eleven forty seven First Avenue, New York, New York one double o two one. That's the Foundation Church, eleven forty seven First Avenue, New York, New York one double o two one.
[00:20:51] Unknown:
The Yankee, a two foreman in a Connecticut arms factory, picked a fight with the wrong party one day. When he recovered consciousness, he found himself in a strange place, peopled by folk who claimed to be members of King Arthur's court. Indeed, because of his odd nineteenth century clothes and manner, he has been judged as sorcerer and has been condemned to the stake, the usual fate of such people in those times.
[00:21:27] Unknown:
Well, oh, what a dream. What an astonishing dream. Well, I have wake just in time from being hanged or burned or drowned or something of that sort. Now what I think I'll do is nap again till the factory whistle blows and then go down to the plant and have it out with brother Hercules.
[00:21:54] Unknown:
I give you good morning sir boss. What?
[00:21:58] Unknown:
You still here? Go along with the rest of the dream. Come on scatter.
[00:22:03] Unknown:
Oh thou art indeed most merry sir boss. Thou canst laugh in the face of dire peril.
[00:22:12] Unknown:
Let the dream go on. No, I'm in no hurry.
[00:22:16] Unknown:
Pretty, sir boss, what dream?
[00:22:20] Unknown:
What dream? Why the dream that I'm in right now. The dream that I'm in King Arthur's court, a person who never existed and the dream that I'm talking to you who are nothing but a work of my imagination. Oh, indeed. And is it a dream that thou art to be burned tomorrow noon?
[00:22:37] Unknown:
Answer me that.
[00:22:39] Unknown:
Mhmm. Clarence, I need you. Aye, sir boss. Clarence, the only friend I have. Don't fail me. Help me devise some way to escape this jail. Escape? Yes. Escape. Oh, too but hear thyself, sir boss. Escape?
[00:22:58] Unknown:
The corridors are filled with men at arms.
[00:23:01] Unknown:
No doubt. No doubt. But how many?
[00:23:04] Unknown:
Not too many, I hope. A full score or one may not hope to escape. Besides, there'd be other reasons.
[00:23:13] Unknown:
Weightier reasons. Other reasons? What are they? Well,
[00:23:19] Unknown:
to said Merlin, in his malice, has woven a spell about this dungeon. A spell? And thereby is not the man in this kingdom desperate enough to cross its lines with you. Oh, now god pity me. I've told it. And and you, sir Boss? Yes? Be kind to me. Mhmm. Be merciful to a poor boy who means thee well. For shouldst thou betray me, I'm lost. Sir Boss. Sir Boss, please. Please. Merlin.
[00:23:55] Unknown:
Merlin has brought a spell. Merlin
[00:23:59] Unknown:
forsooth. Oh, I never. Merlin, that cheap old humbug. Sure. That maundering old fool, boss, pure boss, the silliest boss in the world. Beware beware. These are dreadful words. All the childish idiotic, chuckle headed, chicken livers, superstition. If I ever you know why I laugh? No. But for our blessed lady's sake, do it no more. I'll tell you why I laughed. I laughed because I'm a magician myself.
[00:24:30] Unknown:
The Bow? Mhmm.
[00:24:32] Unknown:
Bow? That's absolute sooth, Clarence. Bow? A magician? I've known Merlin seven hundred years. Seven? Don't interrupt. Don't interrupt. He's died and come alive again thirteen times and he always travels under a new name. Smith, Jones, Jackson, Robinson, Peters, Haskins, Merlin. Always has himself a brand new alias. I knew him in Egypt Three Hundred Years ago. Three hundred? In India, Five Hundred Years ago. Ago. And he's always blathering around in my way every place. He makes me tired. He don't amount to shucks as a magician. Know some of the old common tricks, I grant you, but he's never gotten beyond the rudiments and never will. Good, sir. He's well enough well enough for the provinces.
One night stands and all that sort of thing, you know, but dear me, he oughtn't to set up as an expert. But Merle Anyway, not for there's a real artist. Clarence, I'm gonna remain your friend right along and in return, you must be mine. I want you to do me a favor. I Get word Get word to the king that I'm a magician myself and the supreme grand high Yucca Mak and the head of the tribe at that. Tell him that I am just going about quietly arranging a little calamity here that'll make the fur fly in these parts if Merlin's project is carried out and any harm comes to me.
Will you do me that little favor, Clarence?
[00:26:03] Unknown:
Sir, boss, please. I'm frightened. No, Aaron. Promise me poor sinner that I am poor unworthy sinner that thou shall always be my friend sir boss. Sure. And thou shall never turn against me. Never. Never cast any of thine awful enchantments against me. Absolutely. And thou will always protect me. Always. Well then I hasten to do thy bidding.
[00:26:26] Unknown:
Well, I could see how things work in this asylum. People simply take you at your word. So I was feeling good for a while. And then it occurred to me when this boy calms down, he'll wonder why a great magician like me would have to beg a nobody like him for help, and he'll see that I'm a humbug. But then I reasoned, these lunatics can't really think. So I felt better. But then I got frightened again. I had sent the lab to scare his betters with a threat. Suppose they called my bluff. What could I do? Should've thought about my calamity first. Well, maybe the threat itself will be enough.
Maybe. Clarence? Sir, boss? Well, Clarence,
[00:27:18] Unknown:
speak. Tell me, give me the verdict. I hasted the message to Arliej, the king. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He had me led into his presence. He was frightened. He even to the marrow and straight away he said
[00:27:33] Unknown:
I give the order for the instant enlargement of, what name is this mighty enchanter, lad? Sir Boss. Sir Boss. Rescue him at once from the vile dungeon. Clothe him in silks and furs. Lodge him as befits one so great, and let us pray that he will forgive us our foolishness. Yes, your majesty. You're leave to speak. You have our leave, Merlin.
[00:28:00] Unknown:
This threat, this calamity, of what does it consist?
[00:28:05] Unknown:
I know not. Lad, has Saboss described its awful nature?
[00:28:11] Unknown:
No, sire. And wherefore, lad, hath he not named it? Well, mayhap, Merlin.
[00:28:18] Unknown:
It is too awful. And mayhap, It does not exist. It does not exist? He hath not named his brave calamity.
[00:28:28] Unknown:
Verily, it is because he cannot. But, Merlin, it may well be It may well be foolish and idle vapor.
[00:28:36] Unknown:
Do we dare provoke one of such great magic powers, Merlin?
[00:28:41] Unknown:
Let him prove his brave words.
[00:28:45] Unknown:
If thou sayest so, Merlin.
[00:28:48] Unknown:
Lad Your majesty?
[00:28:49] Unknown:
Return to, sir Boss, and in all courtesy, prevail upon him to consider all the factors in this perplexed case. And name the calamity, also the nature of it, and the time of its coming.
[00:29:08] Unknown:
Or sell out. I could have had a sell out if not for Merlin. Oh, sir, boss. Delay not. To delay now were to double and treble the perils that already encompassed thee about. Oh, please
[00:29:19] Unknown:
be thou wise. Be wise. Name the calamity. Is that all? Just name the calamity? Oh yes sir boss. Oh yes.
[00:29:27] Unknown:
Name the calamity. Yes. For one of thy mighty powers, a calamity should be but the work of a moment. Well, you just don't pull a calamity out of thin air, Clarence.
[00:29:38] Unknown:
Now if I could get out of here and collect
[00:29:43] Unknown:
the eclipse. Oh, the thing that thou did speak of, before.
[00:29:48] Unknown:
Clarence, it seems I recall that Columbus or Cortez or one of those people used it as a trump card against some savages. Do you follow all this? No, sir, boss. Why don't I play that trick myself? Sir boss,
[00:30:08] Unknown:
if thou canst arrange for a calamity Then why not?
[00:30:12] Unknown:
Wouldn't be plagiarism because I'd be getting it in nearly a thousand years ahead of those parties. Sir, boss, life hangs upon it. Dost thou have a calamity? Well, just tell me once again, tomorrow is the June, and this is the year May. It is true, sir boss. Well, very well, Clarence. You shall go to the king, and I shall tell you what to say. I await thy words. You shall say to the king that at the noon hour tomorrow, I will smother the whole world in the dead blackness of night. I will blot out the sun, and it shall never shine again. The fruits of the earth shall rot for lack of light and warmth, and the peoples of the earth shall famish and die through the last man.
[00:30:56] Unknown:
Go. Tell this to the King.
[00:31:10] Unknown:
And when the threat was made, when the sought after calamity was described, as the stranger wrote in the faded parchment document, poor Clarence turned pale and collapsed with fright. And the Connecticut Yankee had to carry the boy out of the cell and hand him over to the guards. Well, now I must hand you over to some folk who have some words of wisdom for you. And then we shall all return here for the third act.
[00:31:38] Unknown:
Isn't it nice to know you're free?
[00:31:56] Unknown:
You seem to be in a hurry, sir. Yes. I am. You are in a hurry. Oh, yes. Well, no doubt you're rushing down to buy a Buick Electra because you know the Electra has the kind of ride and comfort Buick's famous for. That's right. And because you know it's America's Second largest selling full size luxury car. You got it. So you're hurrying because you wanna get there there before the Electras are all gone. That's very good. How did you know I was gonna buy a Buick Electra? Well, it was on the shopping list you brought back there. You see? A dozen eggs, quarter milk, Buick Electra. Ton of a gun? I forgot the pistachio nuts. That's not on the list. Well, I forgot them anyhow.
[00:32:47] Unknown:
There is only one hope for tomorrow, the children. Yet there are children in this world right now who have no hope for a brighter today. They're hungry, illiterate, living in misery, and when they grow up, if they grow up, they'll pass on this hopelessness. And it's the world's loss and the world's shame. You can help children to grow up with healthy bodies and educated minds with a zest for life that they'll pass on to their children and to our world. Won't you please send a check to Save the Children Federation, box nine seventy Grand Central Station, New York one zero zero one seven. That's Save the Children, box nine seventy Grand Central Station, New York one zero zero one seven.
Think about tomorrow.
[00:33:46] Unknown:
Well, where is Mr. Mark Twain's misplaced Connecticut Yankee? Is he actually in King Arthur's Court? There's only one way to find out. Wait and see if there's an eclipse. The eclipse, as you probably know by now, shall perform a double duty. It will set the date beyond all shadow of a doubt, and it will also save our hero's life.
[00:34:14] Unknown:
Clarence,
[00:34:15] Unknown:
did you deliver my message? Oh, yes, sir boss. And? Oh,
[00:34:19] Unknown:
all were struck down with fear and dread. I'll let this be a lesson to you. Never lose hope. Do you hear? I hear sir boss. Even when it's darkest. It is even so. Now tomorrow. Tomorrow, I could have submitted meekly given way to fear and terror, but I thought my way out of a tight place instead. And tomorrow noon, they'll conduct me to that state, but I won't be burned on it. No, sir boss. Tomorrow noon, I shall become the most powerful man in the kingdom. I can't wait for tomorrow. And I'll even tell you something else, Clarence. We may not have to wait for tomorrow.
True, sir boss. You see, you see, the calamity that I told you to describe to these people. Oh, do do not say those dread words again. Everyone's terrified. Mhmm. Isn't that true, Clarence? Oh, it's Derelly, sir boss. If I know human nature, they'll come here to see me to try to compromise. And, Clarence, listen even as I mention it. It's the compromise on its way. Listen. They're coming. And if it's a good compromise, I'll accept. But if it isn't, I mean to stand my ground and play my hand for for all it's worth.
Sir Kaye. And to what do I owe the honor of this visit?
[00:35:33] Unknown:
The steak is ready. Come. The what? The steak.
[00:35:39] Unknown:
Oh, but there's been some mistake. The execution's set for tomorrow.
[00:35:44] Unknown:
The order has been changed and set forward a day. Oh,
[00:35:49] Unknown:
but today, I, look,
[00:35:53] Unknown:
No. No. No. No. It has to be tomorrow. It has to be. Come. It is almost noon. Tasty. Lost. I was lost. There was no help for me now. I was done for good. I was dazed. I was stupefied. I had no command over myself. The soldiers took hold of me and pulled me along with them, out of the cell and along the maze of corridors. And finally into the fierce glare of daylight in the upper world. And as we stepped into the vast enclosed courtyard of the castle, I received a shock. The first thing I could see was the stake. We see before us
[00:36:33] Unknown:
one who has threatened to destroy the sun and thus end for all time all life on this earth. I say he speaks falsely.
[00:36:49] Unknown:
Now more gently. Mayhap he does plan something magical? There is no need to placate this, these false magician, sir. Soon,
[00:37:02] Unknown:
we shall see if he can save himself.
[00:37:07] Unknown:
I scarcely heard Merlin's gloating voice. I knew now. I was a man without hope. And with each passing moment, the realization that I was about to die crept inch by inch through my veins and turned the cloud. Sir Boss? Sir Boss? Clarence,
[00:37:26] Unknown:
what are you doing here? I am thy servant, Sir Boss. It is meet that I serve thee to the end. But, but there shall be no end. There shall be no end, you say? We know thou has prepared a calamity.
[00:37:38] Unknown:
I had prepared a calamity, Clarence.
[00:37:42] Unknown:
Has ought gone a miss, sir Boss? They changed the day on me. The calamity was set for tomorrow, not for today. I know. And 'twas through me that the change was wrought. Clarence, what are you telling me? When I spoke thy words to them, when I revealed the calamity in store, oh, how mighty was the terror it did engender. Then also I saw that I could save the sun. Save the sun? Even worse. It would not be necessary to destroy the sun. Yes, sir boss. Thou canst very well destroy the sun and return to thy far off realm. But all here would be dead. That was the idea. Yes. And so I pretended unto this one and that one. The king, sir, came Merlin, sir Lancelot, that thy power against the sun could not reach its full until tomorrow. Lancelot. So if any would save the sun and save the world, thou must be slain today while my enchantments are but, in the making and lack their full potency. Maybe I should have explained it. It was but a foolish lie but you should have seen them seize it and swallow it in the frenzy of their fright.
As if it were, oh, salvation from heaven. And all the while I was laughing in my sleeve to see them so cheaply deceived. See how happy the matter is spread? Happy. For whom? For all of us. Consider, thou wilt not need to do our son a real hurt. Make but a little darkness. A little darkness. Only the littlest little darkness. Seize with that. Sure. Mhmm. Mhmm. When they see that first shadow fall, they will go mad with fear. Now set thee free and make thee great. Have thy triumph, good sir boss. But I, I implore thee. Remember my supplication and do the blessed son no hurt.
For for for my sake. And I am thy true friend. I
[00:39:43] Unknown:
I can promise you this. That the sun shall suffer no hurt from me ever. I guess when we're done in, we're done in more by our friends than by our enemies. Tomorrow, I could have worked a miracle. Today, I can only be fuel for a fire. Poor Clarence. What could I say to him? How could I explain it? I wanted to frighten the King and Merlin and the court, and I did. And I also frightened Clarence as well. I should have thought of that. All Clarence really wanted to do was to save the sun. He actually thought I would have to destroy it to prove my point. Well, well, it should be a lesson to me.
But, unfortunately, I won't be able to learn from it.
[00:40:40] Unknown:
How do I get out of this?
[00:40:42] Unknown:
If it's a dream, I don't seem to be waking up. And here are the soldiers piling up rows of very flammable looking wooden faggots all around me or on my ankles, my knees, my body. And I hear the voice of a monk droning something in Latin. And now now comes a man. His face is masked. The executioner. He carries a blazing torch. He kneels down at my feet. He's ready to apply the torch, and it's no dream. Ye have threatened us with destruction.
[00:41:14] Unknown:
Answer him, sir boss. Remove the smirk from his evil countenance. Thou has threatened all the font of life, the blessed son itself. Well, show us thy power, dear. Do not force your majesty. The man is a liar.
[00:41:33] Unknown:
He has no powers at all. He has lied. Now, Sir Paws. Now. Make them all quake and tremble. Poor Clarence. Poor Clarence. What
[00:41:42] Unknown:
what say is that? Why poor Clarence? Because Sir Boss. Sir Boss, look. Who's the son? Look, everyone. The sun. The sun. The stars become my magic. See the black above the sun. The sun. The stars become my magic. See the black above the sun. Hurry, you cut. It can't be. Sir Boris. Sir Boris, spare the sun. Apply the torch.
[00:42:04] Unknown:
I am Merlin. I forbid it. I am the king. Then I shall apply it myself.
[00:42:10] Unknown:
I am Merlin. I fear no one. Stand back, old man, before thou thou encounters the wrath of Sir Boss. Even now, he destroys
[00:42:20] Unknown:
the sun. Now those are but random clouds. Hand me the torch. It's air clips. Executioner, hand me the torch. I say no.
[00:42:30] Unknown:
Stay where you are. If any man moves even before I give him leave, I will blast him with thunder. I will consume him with lightning, even the king. Now as for you, John w Merlin, sit down.
[00:42:45] Unknown:
Sit down or you're a dead man. That's better. So, boss, be merciful. I will think it over, your majesty. Say no further into this perilous matter,
[00:42:58] Unknown:
best is has to follow. It was reported to us that thy full powers could not attain their
[00:43:04] Unknown:
strength until tomorrow. You think these are my full powers? I am feeling very weak today. Claim any terms fair, sir, even to half of my kingdom.
[00:43:13] Unknown:
Oh, but stop.
[00:43:15] Unknown:
Oh, stop this gallery darkness. I should like to, your majesty. Believe me, I should like to. I should like to. Doom. But once begun, these calamities are difficult to untrack.
[00:43:28] Unknown:
It's best not to start them. We understand full well, but each moment it grows more dark. And see, the people are struck dumb with fear. As they should be. How long? Oh, how long
[00:43:43] Unknown:
shall I anger last? Oh, your majesty, sir Boss, never remains wrathful too long. I implore thee,
[00:43:51] Unknown:
sir Boss. I shall let this darkness grow deeper for a little while longer in order to serve as a lesson.
[00:43:57] Unknown:
Oh, we have learned our lesson. Have you?
[00:44:01] Unknown:
Then let all be silent while I gather my powers
[00:44:05] Unknown:
in order to reverse this terrible darkness and save our glorious son. Clarence, what day is this? The the twenty first. The twenty first? Mhmm. Dang it. You said it was the twentieth. Oh, my my favorite, sir boss. Numbers flow through my head as water through a sieve. Well, and if it's the twenty first, this is the sixth century and this is King Arthur's court. And I might as well make the most of it. Oh, king.
[00:44:35] Unknown:
Mhmm. I have reflected
[00:44:36] Unknown:
whether I blot out the sun for good shall rest with you. These are my terms. You shall remain king over all your dominions. You shall appoint me your perpetual minister and executive. Oh, yes. Pay me pay me 1% of such actual increase of revenue over and above its present amount as I shall succeed in creating for the the state. Anything thou wilt demand. Man, if I can't live on that, I shan't ask anybody to give me a hand. Is it satisfactory?
[00:45:04] Unknown:
Anything. Now please, good sir boss, restore the sun.
[00:45:10] Unknown:
Very well. First, you must untie my hands that I may use them in this business.
[00:45:17] Unknown:
Away with his pawns. Set him free.
[00:45:20] Unknown:
Do him homage. He is the king's right hand. His seat is on the highest step of the throne. And now, good sir, sweep away this creeping knife. Bring us light again, and
[00:45:35] Unknown:
let us bless thee.
[00:45:37] Unknown:
I would say that you have all had just enough. Let all stand. Let all look forward to the heavens.
[00:45:46] Unknown:
And now I declare, let the enchantment dissolve and pass harmlessly away.
[00:45:58] Unknown:
Oh, the silk.
[00:46:00] Unknown:
Look, the silver rim of the sun emerges. The sun returneth. I, the boss, have so commanded. Oh, hail. That boss. Hail the
[00:46:15] Unknown:
boss.
[00:46:17] Unknown:
Hail the boss.
[00:46:20] Unknown:
And so he became the boss. And to a primitive country, he brought the blessings of soap and toothpaste and gunpowder and books and railroads and telephones. And how did it work out? Well, this is only the exciting beginning of the story. Our purpose is to get you to go to the book itself and enjoy Mark Twain's glorious spoof on well, when Mark Twain spoofs, he spoofs just about everything. But before you run to your library or bookstore, wait a few moments for me to return.
[00:46:58] Unknown:
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America.
[00:48:08] Unknown:
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. All we could hope to do in the limited time allotted us was get him there. You, of course, should follow his progress. And in this bicentennial year, what could be a happier celebration than several hours with the most The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now
[00:48:48] Unknown:
a preview of our next tale. Lawyer Wilson, what could he have said? Hay, feed, and grain merchant, Vincent. What could he have said? Go down the list. Robert Titmarsh, Ella Follat Weeks, Archie Bald Wilcox, Ingalls v. Sargent. What could he have said? What could he have
[00:49:06] Unknown:
said?
[00:49:10] Unknown:
It was the only topic of conversation. The 19 incorruptibles, starting with Bank of Pinkerton on top and ending with poor Edward Richards on bottom, walked about with white and drawn faces as if each of them was feverishly figuring out a way to get at that money. A head of steam was building higher and higher and fiercer and fiercer. Sooner or later, it would have to
[00:49:40] Unknown:
bus. Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by True Value Hardware stores and the Greyhound Ameripass. This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time. Pleasant dreams.
[00:50:33] Unknown:
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[00:00:59] Unknown:
And the stories you hear on this program and our own Mark Twain who carried them to the most sublime heights of fantasy and fun. At this time, we propose to give you an exhilarating taste of one of the most exciting stories of fantasy, mystery, and suspense the world has ever known.
[00:01:33] Unknown:
Tell the king that if I am not released from this dungeon immediately, I shall cause a mighty calamity to befall this realm. Oh, please sir, have mercy. Tell the king that I can call forth my magic powers and destroy the sun.
[00:01:50] Unknown:
Destroy the sun but But what? Well, how can a man destroy the sun? It it cannot be done? Clarence, my boy,
[00:01:58] Unknown:
look at me. Do I look stupid? Oh, no, sir. Then if it can't be done, why would I be willing to bet my life I can do it?
[00:02:17] Unknown:
Our mystery drama, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court was adapted from the Mark Twain classic, especially for the mystery theater by Sam Dan and stars Kevin McCarthy. It is sponsored in part by Buick Motor Division and Luden's medicated cough drops. I'll be back shortly
[00:02:37] Unknown:
with act one. Right now, True Value hardware stores offer you what's missing from almost everybody's life at this time of year, sunlight and warmth. Hi. Pat Summerall to tell you they offer a general electric sunlamp kit and a Titan radiant heater. The GE sun lamp is for fun and relaxation. Its ultraviolet light gives you a healthy natural tan even now when it's too cold for most of us to sit out in the sun. Get the lamp, a clamp on holder and a safety guard and a sun worshiper's guide all for just $13.77. And True Value hardware stores offer the Titan radiant heater for warmth. It's designed for use in barns, garages and chilly basement workshops so you can work in comfort even in the cold. It gives you two fan forced heat ranges controlled by an automatic thermostat.
It's portable and you can mount it overhead too out of the way. It's just $19.88. The GE sunwamp kit and the Titan radiant heater, sunlight and warmth from your participating True Value hardware store. And you can charge it on mastercharge at many stores. Here's a tip from your Better Business Bureau on the metric system. You know use of the metric system as a uniform system of measurement in this country is growing rapidly. But of course, you want to know how it will affect you. Right? Well, take driving your car for example. The kilometer will replace the mile in expressing distances.
Right now one mile is equal to seventeen sixty yards or 5,280 feet. Now isn't it easier to remember that one kilometer is equal to a thousand meters? Your car's speedometer will also change from miles per hour to kilometers per hour. So will speed limit signs on the highways. And again, the standard unit of measure will be the meter. And so when you order a tank full of gas, the liquid measure will be in liters, not gallons. For example, a fill up of 16 gallons is equal to 60 liters. For more information on the metric system,
[00:04:47] Unknown:
Mark Twain begins his story with these words. It was in Warwick Castle that I came across a curious stranger. He attracted me by his candid simplicity, his marvelous familiarity with ancient armor, and the restfulness of his company.
[00:05:05] Unknown:
I thought I would tell you my story, but I've kept a journal. Oh, how long ago that was. Do you know about transmigration of souls? Do you know about transposition of eras and bodies? Ah, well, read and learn.
[00:05:25] Unknown:
He was gone. I examined the sheaf of papers he had left with me. Most of it was parchment, yellow with age, old, old, incredibly old. Carefully, as I feared they would crumble within my fingers, I began to turn the pages. And now begins the stranger's story.
[00:05:49] Unknown:
I'm an American, born and reared in Hartford in the state of Connecticut, a Yankee of the Yankees. My father was a blacksmith. My uncle was a horse doctor, and I was both at first. Then I went over to the great arms factory, and I learned how to make everything, guns, boilers, engine, just about any and every kind of machinery you can imagine. I had a couple of thousand men working for me, but although they were under my jurisdiction, they refused to be under my thumb. You there.
[00:06:21] Unknown:
Shut that machine down. Who says so? I say so. Well, who do you think you are? I'm the boss. Oh, why didn't you go soak your head? I'm giving you an order. I don't take orders from you. How about this, Ronald? Order.
[00:06:38] Unknown:
Now put that machine down. Well, you see, you couldn't explain to him he was doing the wrong thing and wasting company time and material. So I had to develop other methods of communication. Well, that worked out pretty good for a while. But as the good book says, he who lives by the fist. We had a big salty fella named, aptly enough, Hercules, a surly brute he was. Everybody left him strictly alone. I should have left him alone too, but I had to prove who was boss.
[00:07:17] Unknown:
Oh, he laid me out
[00:07:20] Unknown:
with a crusher alongside the head that made everything inside crack. It seemed to spring every joint in my skull. And then suddenly, the world went out in darkness. When I came to, I was sitting under an oak in the midst of a broad and beautiful country landscape. And there was a fellow on a horse looking down at me, a fellow fresh out of a picture book in old time armor from head to heel with a sword and a shield and a prodigious spear. His horse had armor on too with red and green trappings that hung all around him. Oh, it was all gorgeous to look at. And then this this apparition spoke to me.
[00:08:13] Unknown:
Fair, sir. Fair, sir. Will ye joust? Like which? Will ye try a passage of arms? Will I what? For land or lady or knightly honor?
[00:08:28] Unknown:
What are you giving me? Get along back to your circus before I report
[00:08:33] Unknown:
you. Sir, thy incivil, discourteous and unmanly answer shall receive the chastisement it so richly deserved. And don't hurry back.
[00:08:46] Unknown:
As he galloped off, I thought I'd seen the last of him. But wouldn't you know? He suddenly turned around, came a rushing back with his long spear pointed straight at me. I saw he meant business, and so I was up a tree when he arrived. Carve it. Stand and put. No, friend. I don't have any real quarrel with you. Wilt thou tilt with the lads? What makes me think he's from a circus? That's all I thought.
[00:09:12] Unknown:
He has to be from an asylum. Cowardly wretch. Wretch. So I better humor him. Friend. I be not friend of mine. Can't we discuss this reasonably? Dost thou acknowledge thyself captive of my sword and spear? Absolutely.
[00:09:28] Unknown:
And I'll be sure to acknowledge it to your keeper. Part of a surety.
[00:09:33] Unknown:
Thou must this acknowledge to my keeper and thine, his beloved majesty, King Arthur.
[00:09:39] Unknown:
How far are we from Bridgeport?
[00:09:41] Unknown:
Bridgeport?
[00:09:45] Unknown:
I wick not the name. Come. We high toward Camelot. Camelot? You're kidding. Of a surety, Varleste, thou art most free with thy tongue and thou speakest the strangest language.
[00:10:00] Unknown:
Camelot. Camelot. I repeated the word over and over. Camelot was probably the name of the asylum from which this lunatic had escaped. Well, I walked along beside his horse hoping, expecting at any minute to see a familiar sign. And without warning, there stood in front of me a huge castle, flags and banners flying from the towers. I stopped. I was almost petrified with shock because I could see the place was filled with people dressed in the most outlandish costumes. And when they saw me, they were almost struck dumb with fright. Fear not, gentle folk.
[00:10:42] Unknown:
This dark and evil magician can do no further harm. I have vanquished him in terrible combat. Let us now throw him into the dungeon to await the pleasure of the king.
[00:11:00] Unknown:
And they did it into a damp, dark, foul smelling cell, and I didn't know what to think. Yes. I did. This could only be a dream, a dream that I had actually been somehow hurled back in time into King Arthur's court, a place I had hardly ever thought about or to tell the truth cared very much for. And then the cell door was opened and in came a slim young fellow in shrimp colored tights that made him look like a forked carrot. The rest of him was all blue silk and yellow lace.
[00:11:33] Unknown:
He looked at me and he said I have come for you. I'm a page.
[00:11:38] Unknown:
Go along. You ain't more than a paragraph.
[00:11:43] Unknown:
Indeed, thou speakest a foreign tongue. What is thy name? From whence does thou come? And thy raiment, such outlandish clothes. Friend,
[00:11:53] Unknown:
do me a service. Do you belong to the asylum or our Sir, sir, me seem a That'll do. That'll do. You're a patient. Oh, if I could just see the head keeper for a minute. Just for a minute. Head keeper?
[00:12:09] Unknown:
No. But that is a passing strange way to refer to his majesty. Clarence. I am called Amias Lapoulet. Oh, well, I'll call you Clarence for short. You look like a goodhearted fellow. Yes. It is true. And it shall be my undoing. For I was born in an unlucky year. Oh, there's no such thing as an unlucky year. Oh, indeed there is. Thirteen is most unfortunate. And I was born in 05/13.
[00:12:34] Unknown:
Wherefore, it is well known Oh, wait. Clarence, Hold. Stop. Say it again and say it slow. What year was that? 05/13. Five '13. You, don't look it. Now come my boy. I am a stranger and friendless. Be honest and honorable. Are you in your right mind? For soon. Never mind that. Neither I have become a lunatic or something just as awful has happened. Now tell me, honest and true. Now honest and true. Mhmm. Where am I?
[00:13:12] Unknown:
In King Arthur's court and it pleased you.
[00:13:16] Unknown:
And it pleased me. Oh, well, and, according to your notions,
[00:13:24] Unknown:
what year is it now? May, nineteenth day of June.
[00:13:28] Unknown:
No. No. No. No. It can't be. You mean to tell me that I I'll never see my friends again? Never again? Perhaps the divine will shall permit thee too. Well, how? They won't be born for thirteen hundred years. Please, good sir, be of merry countenance. Oh, merry countenance. Do you realize? Wait. Wait. Wait, Clarence. What virtue are we Yankees celebrated for throughout the civilized world?
[00:13:55] Unknown:
Mayhap, I have not heard. Thrift, Clarence.
[00:13:58] Unknown:
Thrift. Now your true Yankee never throws anything away because you can never tell when it'll come in handy. I happen to read one time that the only total eclipse of the sun during the first half of the sixth century occurred on June at exactly three minutes afternoon. Clips? Good, sir. Yes, sir, Clarence.
[00:14:24] Unknown:
Eclipse. Eclipse.
[00:14:26] Unknown:
Is it for adventure something good to eat? Ask me how I intend to use that seemingly insignificant, no account, irrelevant little fact. Ask me. If it plays you, sir. You say this is the 06/19/0538. Well, Clarence, I say it's the 06/19/1879. What magic dost thou speak so? In either case, the day after tomorrow has to be the twenty first. No eclipse is scheduled at all in 1879. Therefore, if we do have one, it's no dream, Clarence. It's no dream.
[00:15:07] Unknown:
Come, sir. It is the signal that the dinner is done at the round table and my master and thine, Sir Kay, desires to show thee before the king and the court. Sir Kay? Yes, sir. And what plans does brother Kay have for me? Oh, sir. Just not no humble monk is he. Sir Kay is foster brother to Aleshe, King Arthur himself. He will have thee kept here till thy friends ransom thee. Clarence, none of my friends have been born yet.
[00:15:36] Unknown:
Sir, speak not such madness. Alright. Let's go. Get the exhibition over with. And what if I am among lunatics? I'm smart enough to become boss of the asylum. Boss?
[00:15:50] Unknown:
Is that thy name? Sir? Boss?
[00:15:59] Unknown:
Jane Arthur's Court. How do I describe it? An immense place filled with loud contrast, a babble of sound, a rainbow of color. The place was a madhouse and at the center, a round table. And around it sat a great company of men dressed in splendid hues. Well, finally, the king raised his hand, and it must have been a signal for silence.
[00:16:24] Unknown:
Sergei, my good brother.
[00:16:26] Unknown:
Yes, our majesty. Is this the sorcerer? It is even true, my liege. Yes. It must be true.
[00:16:33] Unknown:
Who but a sorcerer would wear such outlandish clothing? This should cost $15 secondhand.
[00:16:40] Unknown:
The suit is one of enchantment.
[00:16:43] Unknown:
Who's that? That's, that's Merlin, sir.
[00:16:46] Unknown:
Merlin? Merlin, the mighty magician whom all men fear. The suit is one of enchantment. I behold in him a creature of the devil. A creature of the devil. Your majesty, I see the devil emanate from his body. Burn him. Well, then if it must be done It must be done, your majesty.
[00:17:13] Unknown:
Then let it be done day after tomorrow, the twenty first day of the month
[00:17:18] Unknown:
at high noon. This is not the, the usual manner. They do not kill. They hold for ransom. Well, Clarence, don't worry about it. Well, you say I'm not to worry, but
[00:17:28] Unknown:
they bring me at the stake high noon the day after tomorrow. No, Clarence. They won't be able to swing it.
[00:17:34] Unknown:
Swing? No. You see, I won't be here. Well, I wit not what thou sayest, sir Boss. Where shall thou be? In Hartford, Connecticut. Oh, is is that the place of magic and enchantment where Sir Kay captured thee? Oh, it's a place of magic and enchantment, I guess, in some ways.
[00:17:51] Unknown:
But but dost thou intend to return there? Oh, I don't have to return. I never left. Sir, boss, my poor wits cannot understand. Don't worry about me, Clarence. I'm still there. All this is only a dream.
[00:18:15] Unknown:
And I read on in the stranger's ancient manuscript where he says he was carried off to a dark and narrow cell in a damp and filthy dungeon with some scant remnants for dinner, some moldy straw for a bed and no end of rats for company. And we must leave him there until it is time to return with the second act in just a few moments.
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[00:19:42] Unknown:
Dreams.
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We all seek to understand the many ways in which god reveals his word. Throughout time, god has spoken to man in dreams. Jehovah said in the Old Testament, listen to my words. If a man be a prophet, I make myself known to him in visions. I speak to him in dreams. So pay attention to your own dreams. They might well reveal flashes of the future, predictions, and warnings of things to come. They may give you a glimpse of God's guidance to lead you back to the peace and security of his way. For your free booklet on dreams, write to the Foundation Church, eleven forty seven First Avenue, New York, New York one double o two one. That's the Foundation Church, eleven forty seven First Avenue, New York, New York one double o two one.
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The Yankee, a two foreman in a Connecticut arms factory, picked a fight with the wrong party one day. When he recovered consciousness, he found himself in a strange place, peopled by folk who claimed to be members of King Arthur's court. Indeed, because of his odd nineteenth century clothes and manner, he has been judged as sorcerer and has been condemned to the stake, the usual fate of such people in those times.
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Well, oh, what a dream. What an astonishing dream. Well, I have wake just in time from being hanged or burned or drowned or something of that sort. Now what I think I'll do is nap again till the factory whistle blows and then go down to the plant and have it out with brother Hercules.
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I give you good morning sir boss. What?
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You still here? Go along with the rest of the dream. Come on scatter.
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Oh thou art indeed most merry sir boss. Thou canst laugh in the face of dire peril.
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Let the dream go on. No, I'm in no hurry.
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Pretty, sir boss, what dream?
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What dream? Why the dream that I'm in right now. The dream that I'm in King Arthur's court, a person who never existed and the dream that I'm talking to you who are nothing but a work of my imagination. Oh, indeed. And is it a dream that thou art to be burned tomorrow noon?
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Answer me that.
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Mhmm. Clarence, I need you. Aye, sir boss. Clarence, the only friend I have. Don't fail me. Help me devise some way to escape this jail. Escape? Yes. Escape. Oh, too but hear thyself, sir boss. Escape?
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The corridors are filled with men at arms.
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No doubt. No doubt. But how many?
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Not too many, I hope. A full score or one may not hope to escape. Besides, there'd be other reasons.
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Weightier reasons. Other reasons? What are they? Well,
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to said Merlin, in his malice, has woven a spell about this dungeon. A spell? And thereby is not the man in this kingdom desperate enough to cross its lines with you. Oh, now god pity me. I've told it. And and you, sir Boss? Yes? Be kind to me. Mhmm. Be merciful to a poor boy who means thee well. For shouldst thou betray me, I'm lost. Sir Boss. Sir Boss, please. Please. Merlin.
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Merlin has brought a spell. Merlin
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forsooth. Oh, I never. Merlin, that cheap old humbug. Sure. That maundering old fool, boss, pure boss, the silliest boss in the world. Beware beware. These are dreadful words. All the childish idiotic, chuckle headed, chicken livers, superstition. If I ever you know why I laugh? No. But for our blessed lady's sake, do it no more. I'll tell you why I laughed. I laughed because I'm a magician myself.
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The Bow? Mhmm.
[00:24:32] Unknown:
Bow? That's absolute sooth, Clarence. Bow? A magician? I've known Merlin seven hundred years. Seven? Don't interrupt. Don't interrupt. He's died and come alive again thirteen times and he always travels under a new name. Smith, Jones, Jackson, Robinson, Peters, Haskins, Merlin. Always has himself a brand new alias. I knew him in Egypt Three Hundred Years ago. Three hundred? In India, Five Hundred Years ago. Ago. And he's always blathering around in my way every place. He makes me tired. He don't amount to shucks as a magician. Know some of the old common tricks, I grant you, but he's never gotten beyond the rudiments and never will. Good, sir. He's well enough well enough for the provinces.
One night stands and all that sort of thing, you know, but dear me, he oughtn't to set up as an expert. But Merle Anyway, not for there's a real artist. Clarence, I'm gonna remain your friend right along and in return, you must be mine. I want you to do me a favor. I Get word Get word to the king that I'm a magician myself and the supreme grand high Yucca Mak and the head of the tribe at that. Tell him that I am just going about quietly arranging a little calamity here that'll make the fur fly in these parts if Merlin's project is carried out and any harm comes to me.
Will you do me that little favor, Clarence?
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Sir, boss, please. I'm frightened. No, Aaron. Promise me poor sinner that I am poor unworthy sinner that thou shall always be my friend sir boss. Sure. And thou shall never turn against me. Never. Never cast any of thine awful enchantments against me. Absolutely. And thou will always protect me. Always. Well then I hasten to do thy bidding.
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Well, I could see how things work in this asylum. People simply take you at your word. So I was feeling good for a while. And then it occurred to me when this boy calms down, he'll wonder why a great magician like me would have to beg a nobody like him for help, and he'll see that I'm a humbug. But then I reasoned, these lunatics can't really think. So I felt better. But then I got frightened again. I had sent the lab to scare his betters with a threat. Suppose they called my bluff. What could I do? Should've thought about my calamity first. Well, maybe the threat itself will be enough.
Maybe. Clarence? Sir, boss? Well, Clarence,
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speak. Tell me, give me the verdict. I hasted the message to Arliej, the king. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He had me led into his presence. He was frightened. He even to the marrow and straight away he said
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I give the order for the instant enlargement of, what name is this mighty enchanter, lad? Sir Boss. Sir Boss. Rescue him at once from the vile dungeon. Clothe him in silks and furs. Lodge him as befits one so great, and let us pray that he will forgive us our foolishness. Yes, your majesty. You're leave to speak. You have our leave, Merlin.
[00:28:00] Unknown:
This threat, this calamity, of what does it consist?
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I know not. Lad, has Saboss described its awful nature?
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No, sire. And wherefore, lad, hath he not named it? Well, mayhap, Merlin.
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It is too awful. And mayhap, It does not exist. It does not exist? He hath not named his brave calamity.
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Verily, it is because he cannot. But, Merlin, it may well be It may well be foolish and idle vapor.
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Do we dare provoke one of such great magic powers, Merlin?
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Let him prove his brave words.
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If thou sayest so, Merlin.
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Lad Your majesty?
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Return to, sir Boss, and in all courtesy, prevail upon him to consider all the factors in this perplexed case. And name the calamity, also the nature of it, and the time of its coming.
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Or sell out. I could have had a sell out if not for Merlin. Oh, sir, boss. Delay not. To delay now were to double and treble the perils that already encompassed thee about. Oh, please
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be thou wise. Be wise. Name the calamity. Is that all? Just name the calamity? Oh yes sir boss. Oh yes.
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Name the calamity. Yes. For one of thy mighty powers, a calamity should be but the work of a moment. Well, you just don't pull a calamity out of thin air, Clarence.
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Now if I could get out of here and collect
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the eclipse. Oh, the thing that thou did speak of, before.
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Clarence, it seems I recall that Columbus or Cortez or one of those people used it as a trump card against some savages. Do you follow all this? No, sir, boss. Why don't I play that trick myself? Sir boss,
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if thou canst arrange for a calamity Then why not?
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Wouldn't be plagiarism because I'd be getting it in nearly a thousand years ahead of those parties. Sir, boss, life hangs upon it. Dost thou have a calamity? Well, just tell me once again, tomorrow is the June, and this is the year May. It is true, sir boss. Well, very well, Clarence. You shall go to the king, and I shall tell you what to say. I await thy words. You shall say to the king that at the noon hour tomorrow, I will smother the whole world in the dead blackness of night. I will blot out the sun, and it shall never shine again. The fruits of the earth shall rot for lack of light and warmth, and the peoples of the earth shall famish and die through the last man.
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Go. Tell this to the King.
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And when the threat was made, when the sought after calamity was described, as the stranger wrote in the faded parchment document, poor Clarence turned pale and collapsed with fright. And the Connecticut Yankee had to carry the boy out of the cell and hand him over to the guards. Well, now I must hand you over to some folk who have some words of wisdom for you. And then we shall all return here for the third act.
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Isn't it nice to know you're free?
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You seem to be in a hurry, sir. Yes. I am. You are in a hurry. Oh, yes. Well, no doubt you're rushing down to buy a Buick Electra because you know the Electra has the kind of ride and comfort Buick's famous for. That's right. And because you know it's America's Second largest selling full size luxury car. You got it. So you're hurrying because you wanna get there there before the Electras are all gone. That's very good. How did you know I was gonna buy a Buick Electra? Well, it was on the shopping list you brought back there. You see? A dozen eggs, quarter milk, Buick Electra. Ton of a gun? I forgot the pistachio nuts. That's not on the list. Well, I forgot them anyhow.
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There is only one hope for tomorrow, the children. Yet there are children in this world right now who have no hope for a brighter today. They're hungry, illiterate, living in misery, and when they grow up, if they grow up, they'll pass on this hopelessness. And it's the world's loss and the world's shame. You can help children to grow up with healthy bodies and educated minds with a zest for life that they'll pass on to their children and to our world. Won't you please send a check to Save the Children Federation, box nine seventy Grand Central Station, New York one zero zero one seven. That's Save the Children, box nine seventy Grand Central Station, New York one zero zero one seven.
Think about tomorrow.
[00:33:46] Unknown:
Well, where is Mr. Mark Twain's misplaced Connecticut Yankee? Is he actually in King Arthur's Court? There's only one way to find out. Wait and see if there's an eclipse. The eclipse, as you probably know by now, shall perform a double duty. It will set the date beyond all shadow of a doubt, and it will also save our hero's life.
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Clarence,
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did you deliver my message? Oh, yes, sir boss. And? Oh,
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all were struck down with fear and dread. I'll let this be a lesson to you. Never lose hope. Do you hear? I hear sir boss. Even when it's darkest. It is even so. Now tomorrow. Tomorrow, I could have submitted meekly given way to fear and terror, but I thought my way out of a tight place instead. And tomorrow noon, they'll conduct me to that state, but I won't be burned on it. No, sir boss. Tomorrow noon, I shall become the most powerful man in the kingdom. I can't wait for tomorrow. And I'll even tell you something else, Clarence. We may not have to wait for tomorrow.
True, sir boss. You see, you see, the calamity that I told you to describe to these people. Oh, do do not say those dread words again. Everyone's terrified. Mhmm. Isn't that true, Clarence? Oh, it's Derelly, sir boss. If I know human nature, they'll come here to see me to try to compromise. And, Clarence, listen even as I mention it. It's the compromise on its way. Listen. They're coming. And if it's a good compromise, I'll accept. But if it isn't, I mean to stand my ground and play my hand for for all it's worth.
Sir Kaye. And to what do I owe the honor of this visit?
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The steak is ready. Come. The what? The steak.
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Oh, but there's been some mistake. The execution's set for tomorrow.
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The order has been changed and set forward a day. Oh,
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but today, I, look,
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No. No. No. No. It has to be tomorrow. It has to be. Come. It is almost noon. Tasty. Lost. I was lost. There was no help for me now. I was done for good. I was dazed. I was stupefied. I had no command over myself. The soldiers took hold of me and pulled me along with them, out of the cell and along the maze of corridors. And finally into the fierce glare of daylight in the upper world. And as we stepped into the vast enclosed courtyard of the castle, I received a shock. The first thing I could see was the stake. We see before us
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one who has threatened to destroy the sun and thus end for all time all life on this earth. I say he speaks falsely.
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Now more gently. Mayhap he does plan something magical? There is no need to placate this, these false magician, sir. Soon,
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we shall see if he can save himself.
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I scarcely heard Merlin's gloating voice. I knew now. I was a man without hope. And with each passing moment, the realization that I was about to die crept inch by inch through my veins and turned the cloud. Sir Boss? Sir Boss? Clarence,
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what are you doing here? I am thy servant, Sir Boss. It is meet that I serve thee to the end. But, but there shall be no end. There shall be no end, you say? We know thou has prepared a calamity.
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I had prepared a calamity, Clarence.
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Has ought gone a miss, sir Boss? They changed the day on me. The calamity was set for tomorrow, not for today. I know. And 'twas through me that the change was wrought. Clarence, what are you telling me? When I spoke thy words to them, when I revealed the calamity in store, oh, how mighty was the terror it did engender. Then also I saw that I could save the sun. Save the sun? Even worse. It would not be necessary to destroy the sun. Yes, sir boss. Thou canst very well destroy the sun and return to thy far off realm. But all here would be dead. That was the idea. Yes. And so I pretended unto this one and that one. The king, sir, came Merlin, sir Lancelot, that thy power against the sun could not reach its full until tomorrow. Lancelot. So if any would save the sun and save the world, thou must be slain today while my enchantments are but, in the making and lack their full potency. Maybe I should have explained it. It was but a foolish lie but you should have seen them seize it and swallow it in the frenzy of their fright.
As if it were, oh, salvation from heaven. And all the while I was laughing in my sleeve to see them so cheaply deceived. See how happy the matter is spread? Happy. For whom? For all of us. Consider, thou wilt not need to do our son a real hurt. Make but a little darkness. A little darkness. Only the littlest little darkness. Seize with that. Sure. Mhmm. Mhmm. When they see that first shadow fall, they will go mad with fear. Now set thee free and make thee great. Have thy triumph, good sir boss. But I, I implore thee. Remember my supplication and do the blessed son no hurt.
For for for my sake. And I am thy true friend. I
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I can promise you this. That the sun shall suffer no hurt from me ever. I guess when we're done in, we're done in more by our friends than by our enemies. Tomorrow, I could have worked a miracle. Today, I can only be fuel for a fire. Poor Clarence. What could I say to him? How could I explain it? I wanted to frighten the King and Merlin and the court, and I did. And I also frightened Clarence as well. I should have thought of that. All Clarence really wanted to do was to save the sun. He actually thought I would have to destroy it to prove my point. Well, well, it should be a lesson to me.
But, unfortunately, I won't be able to learn from it.
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How do I get out of this?
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If it's a dream, I don't seem to be waking up. And here are the soldiers piling up rows of very flammable looking wooden faggots all around me or on my ankles, my knees, my body. And I hear the voice of a monk droning something in Latin. And now now comes a man. His face is masked. The executioner. He carries a blazing torch. He kneels down at my feet. He's ready to apply the torch, and it's no dream. Ye have threatened us with destruction.
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Answer him, sir boss. Remove the smirk from his evil countenance. Thou has threatened all the font of life, the blessed son itself. Well, show us thy power, dear. Do not force your majesty. The man is a liar.
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He has no powers at all. He has lied. Now, Sir Paws. Now. Make them all quake and tremble. Poor Clarence. Poor Clarence. What
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what say is that? Why poor Clarence? Because Sir Boss. Sir Boss, look. Who's the son? Look, everyone. The sun. The sun. The stars become my magic. See the black above the sun. The sun. The stars become my magic. See the black above the sun. Hurry, you cut. It can't be. Sir Boris. Sir Boris, spare the sun. Apply the torch.
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I am Merlin. I forbid it. I am the king. Then I shall apply it myself.
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I am Merlin. I fear no one. Stand back, old man, before thou thou encounters the wrath of Sir Boss. Even now, he destroys
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the sun. Now those are but random clouds. Hand me the torch. It's air clips. Executioner, hand me the torch. I say no.
[00:42:30] Unknown:
Stay where you are. If any man moves even before I give him leave, I will blast him with thunder. I will consume him with lightning, even the king. Now as for you, John w Merlin, sit down.
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Sit down or you're a dead man. That's better. So, boss, be merciful. I will think it over, your majesty. Say no further into this perilous matter,
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best is has to follow. It was reported to us that thy full powers could not attain their
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strength until tomorrow. You think these are my full powers? I am feeling very weak today. Claim any terms fair, sir, even to half of my kingdom.
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Oh, but stop.
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Oh, stop this gallery darkness. I should like to, your majesty. Believe me, I should like to. I should like to. Doom. But once begun, these calamities are difficult to untrack.
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It's best not to start them. We understand full well, but each moment it grows more dark. And see, the people are struck dumb with fear. As they should be. How long? Oh, how long
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shall I anger last? Oh, your majesty, sir Boss, never remains wrathful too long. I implore thee,
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sir Boss. I shall let this darkness grow deeper for a little while longer in order to serve as a lesson.
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Oh, we have learned our lesson. Have you?
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Then let all be silent while I gather my powers
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in order to reverse this terrible darkness and save our glorious son. Clarence, what day is this? The the twenty first. The twenty first? Mhmm. Dang it. You said it was the twentieth. Oh, my my favorite, sir boss. Numbers flow through my head as water through a sieve. Well, and if it's the twenty first, this is the sixth century and this is King Arthur's court. And I might as well make the most of it. Oh, king.
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Mhmm. I have reflected
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whether I blot out the sun for good shall rest with you. These are my terms. You shall remain king over all your dominions. You shall appoint me your perpetual minister and executive. Oh, yes. Pay me pay me 1% of such actual increase of revenue over and above its present amount as I shall succeed in creating for the the state. Anything thou wilt demand. Man, if I can't live on that, I shan't ask anybody to give me a hand. Is it satisfactory?
[00:45:04] Unknown:
Anything. Now please, good sir boss, restore the sun.
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Very well. First, you must untie my hands that I may use them in this business.
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Away with his pawns. Set him free.
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Do him homage. He is the king's right hand. His seat is on the highest step of the throne. And now, good sir, sweep away this creeping knife. Bring us light again, and
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let us bless thee.
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I would say that you have all had just enough. Let all stand. Let all look forward to the heavens.
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And now I declare, let the enchantment dissolve and pass harmlessly away.
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Oh, the silk.
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Look, the silver rim of the sun emerges. The sun returneth. I, the boss, have so commanded. Oh, hail. That boss. Hail the
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boss.
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Hail the boss.
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And so he became the boss. And to a primitive country, he brought the blessings of soap and toothpaste and gunpowder and books and railroads and telephones. And how did it work out? Well, this is only the exciting beginning of the story. Our purpose is to get you to go to the book itself and enjoy Mark Twain's glorious spoof on well, when Mark Twain spoofs, he spoofs just about everything. But before you run to your library or bookstore, wait a few moments for me to return.
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A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. All we could hope to do in the limited time allotted us was get him there. You, of course, should follow his progress. And in this bicentennial year, what could be a happier celebration than several hours with the most The entire production was under the direction of Hyman Brown. And now
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a preview of our next tale. Lawyer Wilson, what could he have said? Hay, feed, and grain merchant, Vincent. What could he have said? Go down the list. Robert Titmarsh, Ella Follat Weeks, Archie Bald Wilcox, Ingalls v. Sargent. What could he have said? What could he have
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said?
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It was the only topic of conversation. The 19 incorruptibles, starting with Bank of Pinkerton on top and ending with poor Edward Richards on bottom, walked about with white and drawn faces as if each of them was feverishly figuring out a way to get at that money. A head of steam was building higher and higher and fiercer and fiercer. Sooner or later, it would have to
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bus. Radio Mystery Theater was sponsored in part by True Value Hardware stores and the Greyhound Ameripass. This is EG Marshall inviting you to return to our mystery theater for another adventure in the macabre. Until next time. Pleasant dreams.
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Introduction and Setting the Scene
A Taste of Fantasy and Mystery
The Connecticut Yankee's Tale Begins
A Strange Encounter in a New World
The Dungeon and a New Friend
The Eclipse Plan
A Calamity Foretold
The Power of the Eclipse
Triumph and Transformation
