In this thrilling episode, we delve into the mysterious world of travel and intrigue. The story begins with a seemingly simple task of obtaining an electronic travel authorization (ETA) for a trip to the UK, but quickly spirals into a complex narrative involving a tourist bus journey through France. Our protagonist, tasked with memorizing passages from a travel book, finds himself embroiled in a web of deception and murder. As the tour progresses, the passengers, including the enigmatic Mrs. Greystone, reveal hidden motives and secrets, leading to unexpected twists and turns.
The plot thickens when a series of murders occur, each linked to the mysterious travel book. As the protagonist navigates through a maze of clues, he uncovers a smuggling operation hidden within the pages of the book. The story reaches a dramatic climax with a deadly explosion, unraveling the sinister plot and revealing the true culprits. Join us as we explore themes of espionage, betrayal, and the lengths people will go to protect their secrets in this captivating tale of suspense and mystery.
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[00:00:00]
Unknown:
Travelling to The UK? You will need an electronic travel authorisation or ETA. It's quick and simple to apply via the ETA app or online. You'll need to apply for your ETA before travelling to The UK. Applicants will usually get a decision in up to three working days. Everyone traveling to The UK without a visa, whether visiting or passing through, will need one. It lasts two years and is valid for multiple trips. To apply now, search UK travel ETA. Exemptions apply.
[00:00:29] Unknown:
Want a man to drive a tourist bus through France. He'll start from here and come back here. So he must have an international heavy vehicle license. You have? Excellent. He doesn't have to be all that intelligent, but he will have to learn certain passages from a travel book called The Tourist Omnibus. It's printed in English. Very well. I'll send a man round with a book and you can have a look at it. Then perhaps you'd ring me back. Pilkins tours in the old Brompton Road, Fremantle 62 Double 1. Thank you.
[00:01:03] Unknown:
And where is my man to come?
[00:01:06] Unknown:
Yes. I've got it. 33 Half Moon
[00:01:16] Unknown:
Street.
[00:01:28] Unknown:
3 for the omnibus. The man who bought the book from Pilking's tours was a mild mannered fellow of Sunless Grey. I got the impression that he'd spent a lifetime clerking in some dingy office, which perhaps he had, but he went under the romantic title of travel consultant. I left him in the anteroom with Crash Carson, and the two of them were soon deep in earnest conversation.
[00:01:59] Unknown:
The whole crux of the business is this book. It's a rather large volume, as you see. Although it's a bit tattered, it would be hard to replace. For that reason you'll have to study in the office in our office. Mister Pilton would be most upset if anything happened to it. What exactly do I have to study? Here you are. Open it up and I'll show you. Oh, yeah. Oh, some of these pages are stuck together. At the back. Yes. They are. I don't know how that happened, but it was quite a few years ago. However, we're only concerned with the front of the book that covers France, and we only conduct tours through France.
The bit that stuck deals with Austria, Germany, Spain, and Italy, so you needn't bother your head with that. Now start at the beginning, and you'll notice several small passages penciled in the margin. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got it. Now the entire narrative is a description of places of interest that you drive past or stop at in in the bus. Now the parts that are penciled in the margin are those that you'll have to describe while the bus is in motion. Now since you're the driver, you obviously can't refer to the book, so you have to learn them off by heart.
[00:03:13] Unknown:
Do do you think you can do it? I once learned the declaration of independence in twenty four hours for graduation day.
[00:03:19] Unknown:
Mind doesn't assimilate things so quickly when you are older. How long do I have? Two days only. Okay. I'll read it in back. You'll have to study in our office. Mister Pilcon was quite adamant about that. As far as we know, it's the only copy of existence. Okay. If that's how you want it. You could start now if you like this morning. And we close at 05:00. Then why are we waiting for it? If you wouldn't mind reading a small passage
[00:03:48] Unknown:
at random. Oh, sure. The road here runs perfectly straight between and,
[00:03:56] Unknown:
the heart of the Champagne Country. Oh, yes. Yes. That will be fine. Your French pronunciation is good. Do you understand the language?
[00:04:04] Unknown:
Yeah. I learned it in France. In school? No. I use a dictionary.
[00:04:09] Unknown:
Remarkable. What was the name of the dictionary?
[00:04:12] Unknown:
Fifi de la Mer.
[00:04:13] Unknown:
No. I see. Yeah. Of course, you realize that on this tour, there will be no fraternization with the passengers. I'll be the sole of discretion. Very well. Then I'll see you at the office a little later. No. We're in the old Brompton Road. Okay. Good morning, mister Carson. Hey. Hey. You forgot your book. Oh, dear. Oh, that wouldn't do at all, would it? Do you know mister Pilkins even had a special place made for it in the dashboard of the bus and a sign saying, do not remove.
[00:04:42] Unknown:
He loves that book like a wife. But then why
[00:04:46] Unknown:
not? A good wife is hard to replace.
[00:05:01] Unknown:
I had to agree with mister Tone's philosophy, except that it did occur to me that the front part of that book could have been replaced by a good copy typist in twenty four hours. But then for all I knew, mister Pelican might have been an eccentric. There must have been something about him. I figured he wouldn't make profit out of this tour, the fees we were charging. I made a study of the book and learned the relevant parts the best I could. The tourist passengers embarked at the office in the old road, and I drove them to the Dover ferry. They were a drab bunch and mostly hung over the taffrail all the way across the channel. And I was glad to be back on the road again, bowling through the French countryside.
The road here runs perfectly straight between and, the heart of the Champagne country. It was first built by,
[00:05:57] Unknown:
by, no. Who the heck did build it? Well, come on young men. What's the use of a guide who doesn't know his topographical features?
[00:06:05] Unknown:
Yes, ma'am. It was first built by the Romans. This is the first autobahn What was the name of the Roman? What was that? The name of the Roman who first built the road. Look, missus Greystone, it's a beautiful day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining. Birds only sing when the sun shines. When it's overcast, they keep quiet. I sure wish it was overcast now. Meaning that you'd like me to keep quiet? Or you're inferring that I'm a bird? Well, you've been hanging over me like a bird of prey ever since we started. Can I help it if I forgot a few of the details in that lousy traveler's omnibus?
[00:06:40] Unknown:
Now don't lose your temper. Hand the book to me, and I'll look it up for you. Then you can shout out the information to the other passengers.
[00:06:48] Unknown:
It's right there, missus Greystoner. Sorry I called you a bird of prey. Oh, that's alright.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
Could have been worse. Yeah? Knowing your disgusting American sense of humor I was half expecting you to say that I was no chicken. Oh no, missus Greystone. No. The, the thought never entered my Only the back pages of this book were all stuck together.
[00:07:09] Unknown:
Yeah. Yeah, I know. It happened a long time ago but, we don't need the back half and old skin fit Pilcon is too mean to have the details copied.
[00:07:17] Unknown:
Very odd. I'd like to examine this book more closely.
[00:07:22] Unknown:
And you're out of luck. Company rules. See the notice? Do not remove. Then I'll read to you and you can shout it out after me. Okay. But just for today, missus Greystone, it's unprofessional and I'm gonna learn those pencil passages if it kills me. I was speaking metaphorically. I found and ushered my charges into the allotted hotel. They retired early, and it occurred to me that I might pass a useful hour or two swelling up on the book. With this purpose in mind, I removed it from its place in the bus cab and took it to my room. But after a few minutes, the words all blurred together.
Acting host of 30 suburban trippers had sapped every ounce of my energy. I yawned, put the book on the small deal table by my bed, and fell fast asleep. I didn't hear the intruder enter my room.
[00:08:44] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. What's that? Who there? Hey. Hey. You. Yeah. Oh,
[00:08:50] Unknown:
blast. Where's that light switch? Missed him. Well, whoever you were, that's not the first time you've been prowling around someone's room. That's a neat trick, putting that chair in my way to fall over in the dark. And I wonder what you were after. Hey. The book's not there. Oh, yeah. There it is on the floor. Must have knocked it off the table. Maybe that's what woke me up. Yeah. Who's that?
[00:09:17] Unknown:
It's only me, Mrs Greystone.
[00:09:20] Unknown:
Oh, hang on.
[00:09:25] Unknown:
I thought I heard a noise coming from your room and a shout. It's 02:00. What are you doing up at this time? I never go to bed until well into the small hours, Mr Carson. When you're old, you don't need the sleep. I read. In fact, I have an insatiable appetite for literature. You certainly must go through a lot of books that way. Oh, I do. And I'm making a special collection of French literature while we're over here. I've got more than a dozen to take back with me already. But you haven't answered my question. Did Did I hear a shout? I, I guess so.
[00:09:59] Unknown:
I, I have nightmares, you know. I I shot in my sleep. Oh. Oh, poor thing. Yeah. Can I bring you some aspirin? No. Thanks. No. I'll wait for a bit too. I think I still have to learn some passages in that guidebook. Oh, now don't you worry your head about that. If you can't remember them, we'll do as we did yesterday.
[00:10:16] Unknown:
I'll read them to you quietly and you can repeat the passage to the tourists. That's kind of you, missus Greystone. Oh, not at all. Anyway, I want to have a good look at that travelers. It holds a strange fascination for me.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
The old lady left, and I made a search of the room and my gear. Nothing had been touched. Nothing was missing. I convinced myself that the interloper had chosen the wrong room. Who wanna go to all that trouble to rob a bus driver? Now the rest of the tour was completed without incident, and I gradually found myself tolerably disposed towards my babbling fluff, so that I bade them farewell in London with a twinge of regret. I handed over the bus and the travel documents to the gray faced Mr. Tones, collected the check and reported back to the office. I'd hardly time to look over the papers on my desk that had accumulated during my absence when the phone rang.
Assignments unlimited.
[00:11:30] Unknown:
Mister Carson. Yeah. Speaking. Tone's here. Now tell me, what did you do with the book?
[00:11:35] Unknown:
Oh, the traveler's omnibus. I left in the cubbyhole by the dashboard. Why? Well, it isn't there. Well, that's where I left it, mister Tones. Are you quite sure you didn't take it with you by accident? I'm certain. That must be there. Take another look. Who'd want a secondhand list of their addresses. Why don't you get in touch and find out? Oh, that will take some time, I'm afraid.
[00:12:08] Unknown:
On the face of it, that's all I can do. Well, thank you, mister Garson. Perhaps I might think of the person most likely to pick it up and strike it lucky first time.
[00:12:29] Unknown:
The phone was barely back on the hook when I remembered old missus Greystone. She'd made quite a collection of books while we were in France, and they'd all been unpacked for customs inspection. It was on the cards that she'd picked up Tone's book together with some of her own. I began to ring him back, and then I remembered how interested she'd been in that battered old travel guide. Could she have taken it deliberately? I replaced the receiver. It might never have occurred to the dear old lady that that was theft. In the course of our journeyings through France, Hampstead.
Nobody home. I should have telephoned first. Yeah. The door
[00:13:43] Unknown:
is open.
[00:13:45] Unknown:
Hi, Mrs. Greystone. Didn't you hear me? Oh, no. She was sitting very still in a high She
[00:13:55] Unknown:
was sitting very still in a highback leather chair. Very still. She was dead.
[00:13:58] Unknown:
'Carson looked down at that serene little face, so still in death, the lank grey hair at the back of her head matted with fresh blood. He picked up the telephone and dialled Whitehall one two one two, asked for Inspector Bottomley, replaced the receiver and sat back in a chair to await the arrival of the chief of the murder squad.
[00:14:21] Unknown:
Now, inspector Barnumley,
[00:14:23] Unknown:
she's in the next room. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, how are you, Carson? Haven't seen you since you left for France. Have a nice trip. It ended in tragedy.
[00:14:31] Unknown:
The deceased. Yeah. Missus Gleeson, I think you said. That's right. She was one of the tourist passengers on the bus. I see. And what brought you around here? The bus was equipped with an old travelogue that she was interested in. Mhmm. It's missing. I thought maybe she'd taken it by mistake, so I came around to check up. Had she taken it? Well, I looked through the flat. It's not here.
[00:14:50] Unknown:
Could she have been murdered for it? Was it a valuable document? No value at all. Not even a scrap paper. And why do you think this happened?
[00:14:57] Unknown:
Mister Pilcon, he runs Pilcon's tours in the old Brompton Road. He's gotta be in his bonnet about that travel book. He may be over the wall. Insane? To do that, he'd have to be as nutty as a fruitcake.
[00:15:09] Unknown:
Cold blooded murder to retrieve from an old lady and even old a book that was his property anyway. Doesn't make much sense, does does it, cousin? No. I guess not.
[00:15:18] Unknown:
Look. Do you mind if I get out of here, Barnaby? No. As long as you let me know where you're going. To the old Brompton Road. I wanna have a word with this broken guy. Well, don't worry, inspector. I won't clear your pitch. Don't worry about me Carson. Just be very careful you don't clear your own pitch. I took a bus to the old Brompton Road, and then I wished I hadn't. The chattering of the passengers, the grind of the gears. I was back in France with that sweet old lady reading quietly in my my ear before I transmitted the information to the others. Why?
Who would do a thing like that? Why? I got off at the corner and walked straight into Pilcon's office. The book was on his desk. It's customary to knock when you enter a private office. Where did you get that?
[00:16:13] Unknown:
The omnibus. Tomes found it on the floor of your bus. You're a careless fellow, Carson, especially considering the money we paid you. Tomes said it was lost. It was until we found it. Now would you mind telling me what you're doing here? I understand your services were terminated. Where's Tones? I hadn't the faintest idea. He went out over two hours ago. Have you been here all the time? Now what is this, Carson? Are you being impertinent?
[00:16:41] Unknown:
Why are you asking me all these questions? One of the passengers on the France trip, Mrs. Greystone, has been murdered.
[00:16:47] Unknown:
Really? Then surely that's a matter for the police.
[00:16:51] Unknown:
You seem very unconcerned.
[00:16:53] Unknown:
Should I be concerned? I hardly knew the woman. In fact, I only set eyes on her once and that to receive her check for the trip. When was she murdered, by the way? Two hours ago. Well, since you've taken it upon yourself to act as a private sleuth, I suggest you get in touch with my club. Two hours ago, I was engaged in a competition game of billiards.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
I knew he spoke the truth, and the truth made me confused. I decided to go to my own flat around the corner in Shaftesbury Avenue to think it all out. Was there any connection between Pilgrim and the murdered old lady? Nothing made sense. I got myself in with my own passkey and walked towards the drinks cabinet. And there, sprawled over the tiny bar, was Tones. At first, I thought he was drunk, passed out, with his head cradled in his arms. I grabbed a handful of air and yanked his head up from the bar. I let it fall back. His face was a mangled mess where the bullet had smashed its way in from point blank range.
I rolled around to a sudden noise behind me. Take it easy, Carson. There's been enough shooting in here for one day. Pardon me. How did you get in here? Through the door. The caretaker let me in. What about him? It's Tones, the man from Filken Stores. I know who it is. I wondered why. He's been shot, murdered in my flat. Why state the obvious? But then you're a bit overwrought.
[00:18:27] Unknown:
Two murders in in one morning. Hey. You don't think I did it? It was possible for you to have killed Mrs Greyston but quite impossible for you to have shot Mr. Tones. I had you followed from the moment you left Mrs Greyston slept. The blazes you have. Yes. In this case, it's just as well. We know you were traveling on a bus towards the West End when this happened. Did you see Pilcon? Yeah.
[00:18:47] Unknown:
He's got a perfect alibi. How did you know about Tones?
[00:18:51] Unknown:
An anonymous call. A man, he said Tones had left for your flat after an argument on the telephone. Something about Tones accusing you of theft. And when he didn't come back, the caller got worried and decided to get in touch with me. Yeah. Very neat. Very embarrassing for you if you hadn't decided to visit the late missus Greyston this morning. Come in. Excuse me, sir. The report on Pilker. Oh, yes. Come in, madam. This is mister Carson, the owner of the flat. Good afternoon, sir. Alright. Let's have it.
[00:19:19] Unknown:
Well,
[00:19:20] Unknown:
ten minutes to 10AM. Polken left his office and proceeded to the Cedars Club in Knightsbridge where he's a member. He played billiards until 10:45AM when he left the table to make a phone call. After that, he left the club and there's no check of his movements until returning to his office at a quarter to twelve. Townes left the office at a quarter to 10AM and returned at 10:30. He received a telephone call at a quarter to 11AM and left the office in a hurry. He's not been back since. He never will go back. That's him draped over the bar.
[00:19:51] Unknown:
What about Tolkien now? When I phoned to him a minute ago, sir, and he left the office with an overnight bag and he drove his car south towards Amherstyn. We'd better get after him. No, no, no. He'll be followed all the way. You suspect Tolkien? Top of the list.
[00:20:04] Unknown:
What I happen to paint his idea of is motive. Why?
[00:20:08] Unknown:
Now, Carson, tourist bureau people usually have an orderly mind. It comes from dealing with schedules all day. Where would you say Pilkin is heading? The Dover ferry. Yeah. You got the time, Vladimir? Oh, well, yes, sir. The next ferry leaves at six. And if it leaves with Pilkin, Carson, you're now the onetwo.
[00:20:32] Unknown:
Pilcon took the ferry. So did we. He sat on the taftful seat, his overnight case next to him. I badly wanted to look inside that case, but, bottomly, had no warrant. The inspector The inspector seemed to read my thoughts. At any rate, he walked over to Pilkin, showed his card, and took him a little way off to ask him a few questions. I took the opportunity to sit down next to the suitcase and open it. The book was inside. I removed it, stuffed the book inside my jacket, closed the case and walked quickly to the stern of the ferry. I was joined later by inspector Barnumley who became immersed in his own thoughts.
He remained that way until he ducked in Calais. Only then did he mention the book.
[00:21:13] Unknown:
How long that book gets stolen has any bearing on this case? Should be.
[00:21:18] Unknown:
Can you see Pelham?
[00:21:19] Unknown:
Yes. There he goes.
[00:21:21] Unknown:
Cross the key towards the cargo shed. Well, and he's got clean away. No. No. No. The surety have been warned.
[00:21:27] Unknown:
We can always extradite him, but I wonder why he's going towards the cargo sheds and not the customs point. He's obviously made this trick many times before. Holy smoke. His suitcase, it blew up in his hand. Come on. Let's get down. No. No. No. No. No. There's nothing we can do. He's dead and that's that. Must have been a time bomb planted by someone in his suitcase while he was on board. That's it. Now it all fits. What does? Why don't you see? His murder solves the whole mystery.
[00:21:53] Unknown:
Let's go in the saloon, Bartolome. I wanna read you a passage from a very interesting book.
[00:22:09] Unknown:
Carson took Inspector Bottomley into the saloon and having borrowed an ice pick from the barman, began to prize open the back of the Traveller's Omnibus.
[00:22:19] Unknown:
There, go on. Now see, pages were stuck together at the back of the book because they are not pages at all. They cover a secret compartment. A compartment that Pilkin used to smuggle stuff out of France and New England. Perfect. Handled every day by a simple bus driver. No customs official would ever suspect.
[00:22:39] Unknown:
So missus graced in curiosity
[00:22:41] Unknown:
led to her death. Yeah. Yeah. She took the book to her flat and found the secret compartment. Tones followed her there and murdered her. But who murdered Tones and why? Pilcon did. Sometime in the past, a time dating from when Tones went to work in Pilcon's office, the reds found out about his smuggling. They blackmailed Pilcon into carrying secret documents in the book on the return journey to France. They planted Tones in his office to keep tabs on him. But Pilcon was getting tired of being blackmailed and saw in missus Greystone's murder a chance of getting rid of his communist agent. Tones saw me arriving at missus Greystone's flat, and he told Pilcon here was his chance.
He phoned Tone from his club and arranged a meeting in my flat where he shot him. And if I hadn't had you tailed, things would have looked bad for you, Carson. You're telling me, but the commies aren't full that easy. They don't like their agents being knocked out, so they had a time bomb planted in Pilcon's suitcase. And now that mess on the wharf makes everything neat and tidy. And that's that. How do we amuse ourselves on the way back to Dover? I don't know, inspector. Read any good books lately?
Travelling to The UK? You will need an electronic travel authorisation or ETA. It's quick and simple to apply via the ETA app or online. You'll need to apply for your ETA before travelling to The UK. Applicants will usually get a decision in up to three working days. Everyone traveling to The UK without a visa, whether visiting or passing through, will need one. It lasts two years and is valid for multiple trips. To apply now, search UK travel ETA. Exemptions apply.
[00:00:29] Unknown:
Want a man to drive a tourist bus through France. He'll start from here and come back here. So he must have an international heavy vehicle license. You have? Excellent. He doesn't have to be all that intelligent, but he will have to learn certain passages from a travel book called The Tourist Omnibus. It's printed in English. Very well. I'll send a man round with a book and you can have a look at it. Then perhaps you'd ring me back. Pilkins tours in the old Brompton Road, Fremantle 62 Double 1. Thank you.
[00:01:03] Unknown:
And where is my man to come?
[00:01:06] Unknown:
Yes. I've got it. 33 Half Moon
[00:01:16] Unknown:
Street.
[00:01:28] Unknown:
3 for the omnibus. The man who bought the book from Pilking's tours was a mild mannered fellow of Sunless Grey. I got the impression that he'd spent a lifetime clerking in some dingy office, which perhaps he had, but he went under the romantic title of travel consultant. I left him in the anteroom with Crash Carson, and the two of them were soon deep in earnest conversation.
[00:01:59] Unknown:
The whole crux of the business is this book. It's a rather large volume, as you see. Although it's a bit tattered, it would be hard to replace. For that reason you'll have to study in the office in our office. Mister Pilton would be most upset if anything happened to it. What exactly do I have to study? Here you are. Open it up and I'll show you. Oh, yeah. Oh, some of these pages are stuck together. At the back. Yes. They are. I don't know how that happened, but it was quite a few years ago. However, we're only concerned with the front of the book that covers France, and we only conduct tours through France.
The bit that stuck deals with Austria, Germany, Spain, and Italy, so you needn't bother your head with that. Now start at the beginning, and you'll notice several small passages penciled in the margin. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got it. Now the entire narrative is a description of places of interest that you drive past or stop at in in the bus. Now the parts that are penciled in the margin are those that you'll have to describe while the bus is in motion. Now since you're the driver, you obviously can't refer to the book, so you have to learn them off by heart.
[00:03:13] Unknown:
Do do you think you can do it? I once learned the declaration of independence in twenty four hours for graduation day.
[00:03:19] Unknown:
Mind doesn't assimilate things so quickly when you are older. How long do I have? Two days only. Okay. I'll read it in back. You'll have to study in our office. Mister Pilcon was quite adamant about that. As far as we know, it's the only copy of existence. Okay. If that's how you want it. You could start now if you like this morning. And we close at 05:00. Then why are we waiting for it? If you wouldn't mind reading a small passage
[00:03:48] Unknown:
at random. Oh, sure. The road here runs perfectly straight between and,
[00:03:56] Unknown:
the heart of the Champagne Country. Oh, yes. Yes. That will be fine. Your French pronunciation is good. Do you understand the language?
[00:04:04] Unknown:
Yeah. I learned it in France. In school? No. I use a dictionary.
[00:04:09] Unknown:
Remarkable. What was the name of the dictionary?
[00:04:12] Unknown:
Fifi de la Mer.
[00:04:13] Unknown:
No. I see. Yeah. Of course, you realize that on this tour, there will be no fraternization with the passengers. I'll be the sole of discretion. Very well. Then I'll see you at the office a little later. No. We're in the old Brompton Road. Okay. Good morning, mister Carson. Hey. Hey. You forgot your book. Oh, dear. Oh, that wouldn't do at all, would it? Do you know mister Pilkins even had a special place made for it in the dashboard of the bus and a sign saying, do not remove.
[00:04:42] Unknown:
He loves that book like a wife. But then why
[00:04:46] Unknown:
not? A good wife is hard to replace.
[00:05:01] Unknown:
I had to agree with mister Tone's philosophy, except that it did occur to me that the front part of that book could have been replaced by a good copy typist in twenty four hours. But then for all I knew, mister Pelican might have been an eccentric. There must have been something about him. I figured he wouldn't make profit out of this tour, the fees we were charging. I made a study of the book and learned the relevant parts the best I could. The tourist passengers embarked at the office in the old road, and I drove them to the Dover ferry. They were a drab bunch and mostly hung over the taffrail all the way across the channel. And I was glad to be back on the road again, bowling through the French countryside.
The road here runs perfectly straight between and, the heart of the Champagne country. It was first built by,
[00:05:57] Unknown:
by, no. Who the heck did build it? Well, come on young men. What's the use of a guide who doesn't know his topographical features?
[00:06:05] Unknown:
Yes, ma'am. It was first built by the Romans. This is the first autobahn What was the name of the Roman? What was that? The name of the Roman who first built the road. Look, missus Greystone, it's a beautiful day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining. Birds only sing when the sun shines. When it's overcast, they keep quiet. I sure wish it was overcast now. Meaning that you'd like me to keep quiet? Or you're inferring that I'm a bird? Well, you've been hanging over me like a bird of prey ever since we started. Can I help it if I forgot a few of the details in that lousy traveler's omnibus?
[00:06:40] Unknown:
Now don't lose your temper. Hand the book to me, and I'll look it up for you. Then you can shout out the information to the other passengers.
[00:06:48] Unknown:
It's right there, missus Greystoner. Sorry I called you a bird of prey. Oh, that's alright.
[00:06:54] Unknown:
Could have been worse. Yeah? Knowing your disgusting American sense of humor I was half expecting you to say that I was no chicken. Oh no, missus Greystone. No. The, the thought never entered my Only the back pages of this book were all stuck together.
[00:07:09] Unknown:
Yeah. Yeah, I know. It happened a long time ago but, we don't need the back half and old skin fit Pilcon is too mean to have the details copied.
[00:07:17] Unknown:
Very odd. I'd like to examine this book more closely.
[00:07:22] Unknown:
And you're out of luck. Company rules. See the notice? Do not remove. Then I'll read to you and you can shout it out after me. Okay. But just for today, missus Greystone, it's unprofessional and I'm gonna learn those pencil passages if it kills me. I was speaking metaphorically. I found and ushered my charges into the allotted hotel. They retired early, and it occurred to me that I might pass a useful hour or two swelling up on the book. With this purpose in mind, I removed it from its place in the bus cab and took it to my room. But after a few minutes, the words all blurred together.
Acting host of 30 suburban trippers had sapped every ounce of my energy. I yawned, put the book on the small deal table by my bed, and fell fast asleep. I didn't hear the intruder enter my room.
[00:08:44] Unknown:
Hey. Hey. What's that? Who there? Hey. Hey. You. Yeah. Oh,
[00:08:50] Unknown:
blast. Where's that light switch? Missed him. Well, whoever you were, that's not the first time you've been prowling around someone's room. That's a neat trick, putting that chair in my way to fall over in the dark. And I wonder what you were after. Hey. The book's not there. Oh, yeah. There it is on the floor. Must have knocked it off the table. Maybe that's what woke me up. Yeah. Who's that?
[00:09:17] Unknown:
It's only me, Mrs Greystone.
[00:09:20] Unknown:
Oh, hang on.
[00:09:25] Unknown:
I thought I heard a noise coming from your room and a shout. It's 02:00. What are you doing up at this time? I never go to bed until well into the small hours, Mr Carson. When you're old, you don't need the sleep. I read. In fact, I have an insatiable appetite for literature. You certainly must go through a lot of books that way. Oh, I do. And I'm making a special collection of French literature while we're over here. I've got more than a dozen to take back with me already. But you haven't answered my question. Did Did I hear a shout? I, I guess so.
[00:09:59] Unknown:
I, I have nightmares, you know. I I shot in my sleep. Oh. Oh, poor thing. Yeah. Can I bring you some aspirin? No. Thanks. No. I'll wait for a bit too. I think I still have to learn some passages in that guidebook. Oh, now don't you worry your head about that. If you can't remember them, we'll do as we did yesterday.
[00:10:16] Unknown:
I'll read them to you quietly and you can repeat the passage to the tourists. That's kind of you, missus Greystone. Oh, not at all. Anyway, I want to have a good look at that travelers. It holds a strange fascination for me.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
The old lady left, and I made a search of the room and my gear. Nothing had been touched. Nothing was missing. I convinced myself that the interloper had chosen the wrong room. Who wanna go to all that trouble to rob a bus driver? Now the rest of the tour was completed without incident, and I gradually found myself tolerably disposed towards my babbling fluff, so that I bade them farewell in London with a twinge of regret. I handed over the bus and the travel documents to the gray faced Mr. Tones, collected the check and reported back to the office. I'd hardly time to look over the papers on my desk that had accumulated during my absence when the phone rang.
Assignments unlimited.
[00:11:30] Unknown:
Mister Carson. Yeah. Speaking. Tone's here. Now tell me, what did you do with the book?
[00:11:35] Unknown:
Oh, the traveler's omnibus. I left in the cubbyhole by the dashboard. Why? Well, it isn't there. Well, that's where I left it, mister Tones. Are you quite sure you didn't take it with you by accident? I'm certain. That must be there. Take another look. Who'd want a secondhand list of their addresses. Why don't you get in touch and find out? Oh, that will take some time, I'm afraid.
[00:12:08] Unknown:
On the face of it, that's all I can do. Well, thank you, mister Garson. Perhaps I might think of the person most likely to pick it up and strike it lucky first time.
[00:12:29] Unknown:
The phone was barely back on the hook when I remembered old missus Greystone. She'd made quite a collection of books while we were in France, and they'd all been unpacked for customs inspection. It was on the cards that she'd picked up Tone's book together with some of her own. I began to ring him back, and then I remembered how interested she'd been in that battered old travel guide. Could she have taken it deliberately? I replaced the receiver. It might never have occurred to the dear old lady that that was theft. In the course of our journeyings through France, Hampstead.
Nobody home. I should have telephoned first. Yeah. The door
[00:13:43] Unknown:
is open.
[00:13:45] Unknown:
Hi, Mrs. Greystone. Didn't you hear me? Oh, no. She was sitting very still in a high She
[00:13:55] Unknown:
was sitting very still in a highback leather chair. Very still. She was dead.
[00:13:58] Unknown:
'Carson looked down at that serene little face, so still in death, the lank grey hair at the back of her head matted with fresh blood. He picked up the telephone and dialled Whitehall one two one two, asked for Inspector Bottomley, replaced the receiver and sat back in a chair to await the arrival of the chief of the murder squad.
[00:14:21] Unknown:
Now, inspector Barnumley,
[00:14:23] Unknown:
she's in the next room. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, how are you, Carson? Haven't seen you since you left for France. Have a nice trip. It ended in tragedy.
[00:14:31] Unknown:
The deceased. Yeah. Missus Gleeson, I think you said. That's right. She was one of the tourist passengers on the bus. I see. And what brought you around here? The bus was equipped with an old travelogue that she was interested in. Mhmm. It's missing. I thought maybe she'd taken it by mistake, so I came around to check up. Had she taken it? Well, I looked through the flat. It's not here.
[00:14:50] Unknown:
Could she have been murdered for it? Was it a valuable document? No value at all. Not even a scrap paper. And why do you think this happened?
[00:14:57] Unknown:
Mister Pilcon, he runs Pilcon's tours in the old Brompton Road. He's gotta be in his bonnet about that travel book. He may be over the wall. Insane? To do that, he'd have to be as nutty as a fruitcake.
[00:15:09] Unknown:
Cold blooded murder to retrieve from an old lady and even old a book that was his property anyway. Doesn't make much sense, does does it, cousin? No. I guess not.
[00:15:18] Unknown:
Look. Do you mind if I get out of here, Barnaby? No. As long as you let me know where you're going. To the old Brompton Road. I wanna have a word with this broken guy. Well, don't worry, inspector. I won't clear your pitch. Don't worry about me Carson. Just be very careful you don't clear your own pitch. I took a bus to the old Brompton Road, and then I wished I hadn't. The chattering of the passengers, the grind of the gears. I was back in France with that sweet old lady reading quietly in my my ear before I transmitted the information to the others. Why?
Who would do a thing like that? Why? I got off at the corner and walked straight into Pilcon's office. The book was on his desk. It's customary to knock when you enter a private office. Where did you get that?
[00:16:13] Unknown:
The omnibus. Tomes found it on the floor of your bus. You're a careless fellow, Carson, especially considering the money we paid you. Tomes said it was lost. It was until we found it. Now would you mind telling me what you're doing here? I understand your services were terminated. Where's Tones? I hadn't the faintest idea. He went out over two hours ago. Have you been here all the time? Now what is this, Carson? Are you being impertinent?
[00:16:41] Unknown:
Why are you asking me all these questions? One of the passengers on the France trip, Mrs. Greystone, has been murdered.
[00:16:47] Unknown:
Really? Then surely that's a matter for the police.
[00:16:51] Unknown:
You seem very unconcerned.
[00:16:53] Unknown:
Should I be concerned? I hardly knew the woman. In fact, I only set eyes on her once and that to receive her check for the trip. When was she murdered, by the way? Two hours ago. Well, since you've taken it upon yourself to act as a private sleuth, I suggest you get in touch with my club. Two hours ago, I was engaged in a competition game of billiards.
[00:17:30] Unknown:
I knew he spoke the truth, and the truth made me confused. I decided to go to my own flat around the corner in Shaftesbury Avenue to think it all out. Was there any connection between Pilgrim and the murdered old lady? Nothing made sense. I got myself in with my own passkey and walked towards the drinks cabinet. And there, sprawled over the tiny bar, was Tones. At first, I thought he was drunk, passed out, with his head cradled in his arms. I grabbed a handful of air and yanked his head up from the bar. I let it fall back. His face was a mangled mess where the bullet had smashed its way in from point blank range.
I rolled around to a sudden noise behind me. Take it easy, Carson. There's been enough shooting in here for one day. Pardon me. How did you get in here? Through the door. The caretaker let me in. What about him? It's Tones, the man from Filken Stores. I know who it is. I wondered why. He's been shot, murdered in my flat. Why state the obvious? But then you're a bit overwrought.
[00:18:27] Unknown:
Two murders in in one morning. Hey. You don't think I did it? It was possible for you to have killed Mrs Greyston but quite impossible for you to have shot Mr. Tones. I had you followed from the moment you left Mrs Greyston slept. The blazes you have. Yes. In this case, it's just as well. We know you were traveling on a bus towards the West End when this happened. Did you see Pilcon? Yeah.
[00:18:47] Unknown:
He's got a perfect alibi. How did you know about Tones?
[00:18:51] Unknown:
An anonymous call. A man, he said Tones had left for your flat after an argument on the telephone. Something about Tones accusing you of theft. And when he didn't come back, the caller got worried and decided to get in touch with me. Yeah. Very neat. Very embarrassing for you if you hadn't decided to visit the late missus Greyston this morning. Come in. Excuse me, sir. The report on Pilker. Oh, yes. Come in, madam. This is mister Carson, the owner of the flat. Good afternoon, sir. Alright. Let's have it.
[00:19:19] Unknown:
Well,
[00:19:20] Unknown:
ten minutes to 10AM. Polken left his office and proceeded to the Cedars Club in Knightsbridge where he's a member. He played billiards until 10:45AM when he left the table to make a phone call. After that, he left the club and there's no check of his movements until returning to his office at a quarter to twelve. Townes left the office at a quarter to 10AM and returned at 10:30. He received a telephone call at a quarter to 11AM and left the office in a hurry. He's not been back since. He never will go back. That's him draped over the bar.
[00:19:51] Unknown:
What about Tolkien now? When I phoned to him a minute ago, sir, and he left the office with an overnight bag and he drove his car south towards Amherstyn. We'd better get after him. No, no, no. He'll be followed all the way. You suspect Tolkien? Top of the list.
[00:20:04] Unknown:
What I happen to paint his idea of is motive. Why?
[00:20:08] Unknown:
Now, Carson, tourist bureau people usually have an orderly mind. It comes from dealing with schedules all day. Where would you say Pilkin is heading? The Dover ferry. Yeah. You got the time, Vladimir? Oh, well, yes, sir. The next ferry leaves at six. And if it leaves with Pilkin, Carson, you're now the onetwo.
[00:20:32] Unknown:
Pilcon took the ferry. So did we. He sat on the taftful seat, his overnight case next to him. I badly wanted to look inside that case, but, bottomly, had no warrant. The inspector The inspector seemed to read my thoughts. At any rate, he walked over to Pilkin, showed his card, and took him a little way off to ask him a few questions. I took the opportunity to sit down next to the suitcase and open it. The book was inside. I removed it, stuffed the book inside my jacket, closed the case and walked quickly to the stern of the ferry. I was joined later by inspector Barnumley who became immersed in his own thoughts.
He remained that way until he ducked in Calais. Only then did he mention the book.
[00:21:13] Unknown:
How long that book gets stolen has any bearing on this case? Should be.
[00:21:18] Unknown:
Can you see Pelham?
[00:21:19] Unknown:
Yes. There he goes.
[00:21:21] Unknown:
Cross the key towards the cargo shed. Well, and he's got clean away. No. No. No. The surety have been warned.
[00:21:27] Unknown:
We can always extradite him, but I wonder why he's going towards the cargo sheds and not the customs point. He's obviously made this trick many times before. Holy smoke. His suitcase, it blew up in his hand. Come on. Let's get down. No. No. No. No. No. There's nothing we can do. He's dead and that's that. Must have been a time bomb planted by someone in his suitcase while he was on board. That's it. Now it all fits. What does? Why don't you see? His murder solves the whole mystery.
[00:21:53] Unknown:
Let's go in the saloon, Bartolome. I wanna read you a passage from a very interesting book.
[00:22:09] Unknown:
Carson took Inspector Bottomley into the saloon and having borrowed an ice pick from the barman, began to prize open the back of the Traveller's Omnibus.
[00:22:19] Unknown:
There, go on. Now see, pages were stuck together at the back of the book because they are not pages at all. They cover a secret compartment. A compartment that Pilkin used to smuggle stuff out of France and New England. Perfect. Handled every day by a simple bus driver. No customs official would ever suspect.
[00:22:39] Unknown:
So missus graced in curiosity
[00:22:41] Unknown:
led to her death. Yeah. Yeah. She took the book to her flat and found the secret compartment. Tones followed her there and murdered her. But who murdered Tones and why? Pilcon did. Sometime in the past, a time dating from when Tones went to work in Pilcon's office, the reds found out about his smuggling. They blackmailed Pilcon into carrying secret documents in the book on the return journey to France. They planted Tones in his office to keep tabs on him. But Pilcon was getting tired of being blackmailed and saw in missus Greystone's murder a chance of getting rid of his communist agent. Tones saw me arriving at missus Greystone's flat, and he told Pilcon here was his chance.
He phoned Tone from his club and arranged a meeting in my flat where he shot him. And if I hadn't had you tailed, things would have looked bad for you, Carson. You're telling me, but the commies aren't full that easy. They don't like their agents being knocked out, so they had a time bomb planted in Pilcon's suitcase. And now that mess on the wharf makes everything neat and tidy. And that's that. How do we amuse ourselves on the way back to Dover? I don't know, inspector. Read any good books lately?
Introduction to UK Travel Requirements
The Tourist Bus Job Offer
The Importance of the Tourist Omnibus Book
The French Tour Begins
A Mysterious Intruder
The Missing Book and Mrs. Greystone's Death
The Murder of Tones
The Explosive Conclusion
