In this intriguing episode, we delve into the world of "Assignments Unlimited," where Aubrey Mason takes on a peculiar task involving Sir Roger Lansbury's daughter, Valerie. Sir Roger, concerned about his daughter's involvement with the "Chelsea set" and a "long-haired layabout of Soho," seeks a chaperone for her. Mason assigns Cameron to the task, setting off a chain of events that reveal the complexities of Valerie's life and her father's expectations. As Cameron navigates the nightlife of London with Valerie, he discovers the challenges of his assignment, including Valerie's rebellious nature and the societal pressures she faces.
The plot thickens as Cameron finds himself entangled in a web of deception and intrigue. Valerie, initially resistant to her father's plans, reveals a deeper connection with Cameron, leading to unexpected confessions and a daring escape plan. However, as the truth unfolds, Cameron realizes the extent of the deception and the true nature of Valerie's intentions. This episode explores themes of love, trust, and betrayal, leaving listeners questioning the motives of each character and the fine line between duty and desire.
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[00:00:01]
Unknown:
But there's an advertisement in the paper here that on inquiring might bear fruit. I'd give them a ring anyway. Grosvenor 5, Double 9, 5 is the number. Assignments unlimited. Yes. Who knows? They may possibly live up to their title. Here's the address. It's in town. 33
[00:00:25] Unknown:
Half Moon Street. Aubrey Mason, at your service. At assignments unlimited, we do anything anywhere at any time. 33
[00:00:34] Unknown:
Half Moon Street.
[00:00:53] Unknown:
Since Maude and my wife passed on some ten years ago, I rather allowed the family discipline to slip. I suppose I should have married again, but, well, the flesh pots of Europe claimed me in my initial sorrow, and somehow they've never lost their grip. However, it's not on my behalf that I'd come to see you. It's my daughter, Valerie. May I ask how old she is, sir Rudra? Valerie? Nineteen. And it isn't parental pride talking when I tell her that she's quite beautiful, intelligent too. But she's had no proper family life. Boarding school from the age of 10, finishing school in Switzerland, and now kicking her heels with a Chelsea set. Has she tried getting a job? No. It's not easy for a girl like Valerie. She never had to work and hasn't trained for anything in particular.
Marriage is the answer, of course, provided there's money. You know, at the moment, her interest centers on the modern beat mania and a long haired layabout of Soho. Can't say that I'm surprised. My fault, really. But I feel that if I let her have a head, she she might get it out of her system and eventually settle down to a pattern of normal behavior and find the right kind of husband.
[00:01:59] Unknown:
Yes. But where do we come in, sir Roger? Well, I, I wanted to try an experiment, Mason.
[00:02:05] Unknown:
Let her have her head, yes, but with a chaperone, another boy from her own class. It's a bit wild. And in London society, gossip ferments in the grapevine via the cocktail party. You know, give a dog a bad name. Or rather in modern day parlance, I suppose I should say give a cat a bad name.
[00:02:25] Unknown:
Most apposite, sir Roger. Yes. Well, what do you suggest, miss? That I supply the young lady with the escort, and we wait and see what happens. Vowing might not take to the idea with pleasure.
[00:02:36] Unknown:
The man will need his wits about him. I regret to say that I know all too much about London nightlife, and many of those who frequent the dint of iniquity that pass themselves off as big clubs are very tough customers. Well, not to their clientele, surely. I wouldn't put it past, Valerie, to drop a quiet hint that our chaperone was not welcome. Do I make myself go? Yes. Yes. But I think I'd I have just the man for you, sir Roger. When would you like him to start? Well, no time like the present. I'll send the galler round this afternoon, if that's all right with you. All good. I'll introduce her personally to our escort. Alright. Thank you. We'll give it a try for a week and see what happens. Oh, I'll, you know, pay whatever fee you require, but but I can't be responsible for any, any unpleasantness that might happen. I'll see that's written into the contract, sir Roger. Right. You can reach me during the day at my office. You have my card.
I'll tell Valerie to be held 04:00.
[00:03:32] Unknown:
Good morning, mister Mason. Thank you. Leave everything to us, sir Roger. My man will look after your daughter well. You need have no fear on that score.
[00:03:41] Unknown:
Paul McCartney. Bye. Goodbye, sir Roger.
[00:03:49] Unknown:
Yes, sir? Miss Fairweather,
[00:03:52] Unknown:
get hold of Cameron. I've got a job for him. An interesting job, mister Mason. For Cameron. Decidedly interesting. Tell him to be here at 04:00. Yes, sir. Better tell him to take his evening suit out of mothballs too. He's going to a party. Lucky him. Yeah. I wonder. You better advise Canon to pick up a large bottle of aspirin. This party's going on for a week. For what I gather, there are no holes barred. I remember Valerie Lansbury because for the first time in my life, she made me regret the passing of my youth. She produced in me a a decided remartheling of my red corpuscles.
If Sir Roger resembled a canvas of Dorian Gray, his daughter was a portrait by Wagner inspired. Her long legs were encased in scarlet tights and delicately balanced on tiny feet, gold charred in sandals. Bur feet features were poised on top of her remaining anatomy, all of which was of copybook proportions. She tossed back her thick raven hair and flashed me a friendly smile. I recovered my breath and motioned her to a seat. Then, Cannon opened the door. 04:00, chief. Oh, well yes. Well well, come in, Cannon.
[00:05:09] Unknown:
You okay, Ching? Yes. Well, of course I'm all right. You've got a sort of,
[00:05:13] Unknown:
moon y look. Are you sure you're okay? Will you stop passing remarks about my parents? I want you to meet someone. Well, a young lady. Miss Valerie Lansbury. Hi. Hello. Is that all you can say hi? What am I supposed to say? Is this gentleman my escort, mister Mason? Yes. The best we could do at short notice, I'm afraid. I
[00:05:34] Unknown:
hope you approve, miss Lansbury. Oh, I do approve.
[00:05:37] Unknown:
I approve very much.
[00:05:39] Unknown:
Well, that's, that's great. This is one week's assignment. I shall attack with zeal and nobility.
[00:05:45] Unknown:
Only one week? We must apply for an extension. If we could finalize the arrangement Say, you got a pad in town? Sorry. Daddy o keeps me on the hook. Oh, that's offbeat.
[00:05:56] Unknown:
There's limbo time on the Broad Walk. I'm in tune. Look, do you mind if I get a word in edgeways? I may be a little old fashioned, but I have the faintest idea what all that jargon's about. The chief is square. I'm sure Miss Lansbury doesn't question my integrity.
[00:06:10] Unknown:
Very square.
[00:06:12] Unknown:
Are you making me an object of ridicule, Cameron? Oh, chief. How can you say a thing like that? Very well then. Let's get down to business. Yeah. The, the sooner, the better. Sir Roger Lansbury, Valerie's father, is engaged due as an escort fellow for a period of one week. You'll go with her to any place she names, accompany her anywhere as the woman takes her. You'll never leave her side. It'll be a pleasure, chief. You will conduct yourself a decorum, Cannon, and protect her from any unsavoury elements in the places of well, enjoyment that she may frequent. He means we have a ball together for one week. Oh, boy. Oh, and don't keep saying old boy. You're kidding, of course. No, Cannon. He's not kidding. That he arranged at all. Brother, you must have a great old man. Sir Roger Lansbury has been most explicit. Verily must be home at midnight every night and never late. Now is that understood?
Cannon, is that understood? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Understood. Well, then I think that's all.
[00:07:12] Unknown:
You know, I love you. Already? No. Not you, doll. The chief. This is the first assignment he's ever given me that I really want to get my teeth out of.
[00:07:26] Unknown:
How was the drive, Gannon? There's some car you got there. What's the time?
[00:07:31] Unknown:
Close on eleven. Hey, sir. I gotta get you back by midnight.
[00:07:35] Unknown:
We're just looking here for a moment. Ever been in here before? No. Looks pretty classy. The stones are here tonight. We might just catch them. Come on. This way. Not a very good table, but it's always packed from their head. Oh, that's great. Enjoying yourself?
[00:07:56] Unknown:
Can a duck swim?
[00:07:58] Unknown:
All is the more champagne.
[00:08:00] Unknown:
Tell me something. Do we beat it up every night like this? That's the general idea. Daddy says I'll get it all out of my system if I give it a full go. Well, maybe he's got something there. After a whole week of this, I'll be calling home with my hands and knees. Hey. Wait a minute. Bring a bottle of champagne, two glasses. Daddy said that,
[00:08:19] Unknown:
you are a very tough gentleman. You did,
[00:08:21] Unknown:
Are you? Could be. I've,
[00:08:26] Unknown:
I've got a confession to make, Ken. Oh, he's the hang on. Thank you.
[00:08:30] Unknown:
Here. Keep the change. Talking a bunch of the winners in these joints, aren't they? Well, say when. Well, after the broom. Well, here's mud in your eye.
[00:08:50] Unknown:
I, I said I have a confession to make. So? I had arranged to go to Johnny's cellar tonight. I purposely avoided it. Well, aren't you interested? I go where you go. That's your assignment. I didn't know that my escort would be so nice.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
Well, that's the best news I've heard this year, and, I'm not exactly complaining. Do you find me attractive?
[00:09:15] Unknown:
Well, you're,
[00:09:17] Unknown:
you're beautiful. I keep pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Oh, canon. Hey. Look at that time we better get moving. Deadline is midnight. Remember?
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Oh, just a few more minutes. The car will get us there in time. Look. If we're late, my dream will come to an abrupt end, and I wouldn't like that. You haven't heard my confession? By Johnny's summer? I wasn't happy with daddy's arrangement. I I didn't want an escort. I arranged for one of Johnny's strong-arm men to Work me over? I'm sorry.
[00:09:48] Unknown:
Johnny's muscle man might have been sorry too. I, I don't work over easy. I'm glad I'm I forgiven. Surely. You just paid me a compliment. I like it.
[00:09:58] Unknown:
Are you are you really afraid of nothing? Not unless it's getting you home late. I don't want to spoil it either. I'm ready,
[00:10:07] Unknown:
darling. And I'm willing and able.
[00:10:29] Unknown:
What's the time? Ten minutes to midnight. Oh, we'll make it easily. Patton closes up at exactly midnight.
[00:10:36] Unknown:
Only another three miles. Well, at this rate, that means three minutes. Or less.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
Oh, no. What's wrong?
[00:10:49] Unknown:
A cannon. I've run out of petrol.
[00:10:54] Unknown:
That's the oldest trick in the world, but it's usually worked by the guy. Okay. I'm at your mercy. I will offer no resistance.
[00:11:01] Unknown:
Cannon. I really have run out of petrol. Are you sure? Quite sure. What
[00:11:08] Unknown:
a lousy break.
[00:11:11] Unknown:
Say, how far are we from the house? About three miles. Two. We cut across country.
[00:11:16] Unknown:
Five minutes to midnight. We can't make it. Well, how about your old man, Sir Roger? You can explain to him, can't you? Oh, no. No. I can't. But you can bring him over here in the morning and see for himself it was an accident. No. Anyway, you will only be half an hour or so late. Look. How about if I Oh, look. You don't understand.
[00:11:33] Unknown:
Patton, he's the butler. He locks the house at exactly midnight. Daddy doesn't allow me a key. If I'm late, I have to knock up Patton, and he never fails to report to daddy. So in the morning, you report to your old man what happened? Daddy's not at home. Well, looks like we're in a fix. You don't know, daddy. He likes the high life, but he's got a will of iron. He was quite definite that I had to be home by midnight, and he won't take any excuses.
[00:11:59] Unknown:
Oh, darn it just when everything was going so well. Hey. Come on. Don't wanna get you. We can work something. Up. Look, couldn't you, sneak in without this, Patton guy knowing? I wish I could. But then he'd know you didn't come home on time. No. He wouldn't.
[00:12:15] Unknown:
If I could sneak in without him knowing and get up to my room, I I could say in the morning that I got home early and went went to my room with a headache.
[00:12:23] Unknown:
Oh, but it's hopeless. Patton locks and bolts the whole house. Well, let's get walking. Before we get up, Hope, I'd like to look at that house of yours.
[00:12:31] Unknown:
Yeah. I mean,
[00:12:33] Unknown:
do you think you might break in without anyone knowing? Well, I've had experience,
[00:12:37] Unknown:
in the line of duty, of course. But what will you do after you've let me in? Walk over to Potters Bar and catch the milk train into town. Do you really think you can do it? Honey, you're looking at the only honest housebreaker in England.
[00:12:55] Unknown:
Ah, but the modern teenager lends itself to a cross country walk. Indeed, the uniform for doing the shake was, perforce, resemble a tracksuit. And so it was that Karen and Valerie approached the rear of the house from across the fields. The house was a large rambling affair, silent as a tomb and wrapped in Stygian darkness. Silent as a shadow with Valerie quiet as a cap beside him, Cameron went to work on a small side window leading into the kitchen. In two minutes, it swung open, and Valerie was lifted inside. A gentle kiss in gratitude and farewell, and Cameron was once more crossing the fields to the road.
[00:13:40] Unknown:
And that ogre pattern don't even know how she got in. Well, I guess I'd make a pretty good cat bear with that. Oh, there's the car. Well, I just better make sure she left nothing in it. That's silly thing. She left the keys in the car. Now what'll I do? Well, better take them out and bring them around here first thing. But But now then, which way do the keys turn? No. That switch is on. Hey. This car is half full of gas. Now why do you suppose she said she'd run out of gas? Maybe, well, maybe a fault in the engine. Starts like a bird.
I just don't care. We could have made the house easy by midnight. I wonder what got into that cat.
[00:15:07] Unknown:
Who is it? Cannon. Oh, sorry. I'm in a call box. I had to put the shilling in.
[00:15:13] Unknown:
Valerie, what's the time? 06:00. Six o'clock?
[00:15:17] Unknown:
What are you doing up at this hour? I thought I'd get the car before Patton started asking questions. It it worked like a dream. He said he knocked on my door and got no answer, but I told him I'd taken a sleeping pill. We fooled him completely. Meaning we can work the trick again. Mm-mm. I don't think we should push our luck to you. Midnight's the next time and no mistakes. But I've got a wonderful idea. Daddy's going down to our house in Cornwall for a week, and I can go with him. Cornwall? We have a house right on the coast. You can come as chaperone.
Sounds great. Oh, there's one thing. I hope you won't take offence. Daddy's a bit of a snob, and he won't have you as a house guest. He looks upon you as an employee. Which I am. Sir, you will have to stay in the hotel at the village. Oh, Canon, please say you'll come. Surely how come? Stay where you are. I'll drive over to your flat and give you all the details. Say, how did you get the car back to the house? Oh, I walked over to the village and and got a bottle of petrol. Just enough to start her and get me to the filling station. And then I filled up and tell her, don't you? Was empty. Dry as a bone. I'll be more careful in future.
Hello. Are you still there? Yeah. Is something wrong, Cameron?
[00:16:26] Unknown:
No. No. No. No. Don't you want me to come over to your flat? Sure. I want you to come over to my flat. I, I want very much for you to come over here. I, I don't wanna let you out of my sight.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
It's been a wonderful day. The drive down with lunch in Redwood. And now this I didn't know you could handle a boat, Kenneth.
[00:17:05] Unknown:
There are a lot of things you've done about me.
[00:17:07] Unknown:
I know all I want to. I I think I'm I'm falling in love with you, Kenneth.
[00:17:17] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, that's not the way daddy planned it. You know? I know.
[00:17:22] Unknown:
If I married out of my social circle, he'd disowned me. He'd settle a fair sized sum of money on me, but he'd never want to see me. Then maybe I'd better go back to London tomorrow. No. No. Oh, no. Please. I hardly ever see my father. My my mother died when I was 10, you see, and he and he took it badly. I've always been alone, and I know daddy doesn't really care for me at all. Not the way a father usually cares for his daughter.
[00:17:47] Unknown:
So that's, that's pretty tough. Canon,
[00:17:51] Unknown:
if it did work out that we fell in love with each other look, Just pretending. I mean, we could go somewhere together, couldn't we? I mean, I'd have enough of my name for Bob Lovers, and we could start a new life in another country.
[00:18:05] Unknown:
Australia, perhaps. Look. Let's not talk about it, Nance. It's getting late, and this time we have to make sure there'll be a tomorrow.
[00:18:12] Unknown:
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Oh, Canon.
[00:18:24] Unknown:
Hey. It's eleven. I have to pilot this boat back to harbor. Aye, Skipper. I'll start the outboard, miss. Okay. And I'll bring him into the swell.
[00:18:37] Unknown:
Cannon.
[00:18:38] Unknown:
Oh, Cannon. I can't get it to start. Hang on. I'll come over there and join you. Okay. Let me have a try.
[00:18:50] Unknown:
What's the matter with it?
[00:18:56] Unknown:
And bring that light closer to me? Uh-huh. Water.
[00:19:02] Unknown:
What?
[00:19:03] Unknown:
Seawater in the car behind it. Oh, can you clean it? Well, not a chance there's water in the gasoline. This baby won't run tonight. We'll have to scull the boat back to the harbor. How long will that take? Best part of an hour and a half. Once a time now? After one. Oh, can I I know? The deadline's midnight. Did Patton come down to Cornwall? Yes. House is locked. The old man still carousing in Redruth. Looks like history's repeated itself. That butler's gonna start thinking you've gotten addicted to sleeping pills. You mean you're gonna break in for me again? That's right. I'm gonna break in for you again.
[00:20:07] Unknown:
Oh, dread.
[00:20:08] Unknown:
You, having trouble, miss Lansbury?
[00:20:11] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:20:12] Unknown:
Don't wear down the battery, baby. I pulled the lead out of the rotor box. Gentlemen, why why did you come here? Maybe I wondered why you kept a car in the village when there's space for six in the house on the bay. I mean, then again, what does a guy do at 02:00 in the morning on a lonely Cornish village? You you knew I was coming here. A guest in? I broke into that house for you at half after midnight, and I figured that if you left the way you got in, you'd be here an hour after that. I reckon it took a little longer to find what you were looking for. Then you know.
I checked on your car last night at Potter's Bar. It was half full of gas. Oh, no. That outboard drove us out into the bay, so there wasn't any water in the tank when we left. We were the only two people on board, and I didn't slip a Tennessee water in the gasoline tank. I can explain. You can. Last night at Potter's Bar, I figured you wanted to test a way that you could get into the house anytime you wanted so that we could stay out half the night despite what your father said. But when I as good as asked you, you said that we shouldn't push our luck. And that had me worried, but I still believed you. On the boat, you had me food all along the line until the outboard was sabotaged. Cameron,
[00:21:26] Unknown:
I meant what I said on the boat. Please believe me. You played me for a sucker. No. I didn't. I meant it, Cannon. I do love you. You're nuts. You were just about to ditch me and drive off to London. That's not true. I I didn't take longer to find what I was looking for. I'm half an hour late because I stuck over at the hotel and left a note with a night porter to be delivered to you at 06:00 with your morning tea. And what did you write on the note? So long, sucker? Please believe me. You can read the note yourself. It tells you to catch the 06:45 to London and meet me at your flat. And you thought I'd do just that.
Would you, Kenneth?
[00:21:58] Unknown:
I guess I might have.
[00:22:00] Unknown:
Oh, darling. Hold on. Hold on.
[00:22:03] Unknown:
You forget I was an unwilling party to your little scheme. You lied to me all along the line. Not when I said I love you. And where's that phony Sir Roger Lansbury?
[00:22:11] Unknown:
In London. Were you gonna ditch him? He would have received his share of the loot. And where's that? In his
[00:22:17] Unknown:
bag. From last night's?
[00:22:19] Unknown:
In the glove box of the car. In glove box of the car.
[00:22:24] Unknown:
Alright. Now give me the bag. Thanks. What will you do, Cannon? All that gripe about your old man and how he didn't need you, how he disowned you but leave you a nice fat legacy that we could both live on, another country to start all over. But you didn't say how you'd get the money, did you? You wouldn't have known, Cannon. We we could have been out of the country in twenty four hours. You'd never have known.
[00:22:47] Unknown:
Oh, it's not too late. No one will ever know. What are you taking me for? A cheap crook? I'll give it all back. Don't worry, baby. I will. Oh, please, Cannon. Please give me another chance. Sure.
[00:23:01] Unknown:
Yeah. I'll give you a chance. There. The lead's back in your rotor box. At 06:00 exactly, I'll walk into the local cop shop and tell him the whole story. That gives you three and a half hours start.
[00:23:16] Unknown:
I'm sorry, Kenneth. Please try and forgive me. I didn't mean to fall in love with you.
[00:23:24] Unknown:
So long, baby. It was too good to be true anyway. I'm just sorry you had to pick on me.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
Well, of course, there never was the sir Roger Lansbury, and there already wasn't his daughter. They were a team of confident tricksters, and they worked out a clever scheme to enlist the aid of a strong young man unwittingly to help them in a series of burglaries. It worked too. Cannon made an excellent cat burglar when he didn't know the real purpose of his nocturnal excursions. In fact, who knows? If it hadn't been for the petrol in that car on the first night, Cannon might now have been dunking his offspring in the warm waters of Bondi Beach while I would be minus my top operator.
So now you know why the file was marked. Cannon and the KG cat.
But there's an advertisement in the paper here that on inquiring might bear fruit. I'd give them a ring anyway. Grosvenor 5, Double 9, 5 is the number. Assignments unlimited. Yes. Who knows? They may possibly live up to their title. Here's the address. It's in town. 33
[00:00:25] Unknown:
Half Moon Street. Aubrey Mason, at your service. At assignments unlimited, we do anything anywhere at any time. 33
[00:00:34] Unknown:
Half Moon Street.
[00:00:53] Unknown:
Since Maude and my wife passed on some ten years ago, I rather allowed the family discipline to slip. I suppose I should have married again, but, well, the flesh pots of Europe claimed me in my initial sorrow, and somehow they've never lost their grip. However, it's not on my behalf that I'd come to see you. It's my daughter, Valerie. May I ask how old she is, sir Rudra? Valerie? Nineteen. And it isn't parental pride talking when I tell her that she's quite beautiful, intelligent too. But she's had no proper family life. Boarding school from the age of 10, finishing school in Switzerland, and now kicking her heels with a Chelsea set. Has she tried getting a job? No. It's not easy for a girl like Valerie. She never had to work and hasn't trained for anything in particular.
Marriage is the answer, of course, provided there's money. You know, at the moment, her interest centers on the modern beat mania and a long haired layabout of Soho. Can't say that I'm surprised. My fault, really. But I feel that if I let her have a head, she she might get it out of her system and eventually settle down to a pattern of normal behavior and find the right kind of husband.
[00:01:59] Unknown:
Yes. But where do we come in, sir Roger? Well, I, I wanted to try an experiment, Mason.
[00:02:05] Unknown:
Let her have her head, yes, but with a chaperone, another boy from her own class. It's a bit wild. And in London society, gossip ferments in the grapevine via the cocktail party. You know, give a dog a bad name. Or rather in modern day parlance, I suppose I should say give a cat a bad name.
[00:02:25] Unknown:
Most apposite, sir Roger. Yes. Well, what do you suggest, miss? That I supply the young lady with the escort, and we wait and see what happens. Vowing might not take to the idea with pleasure.
[00:02:36] Unknown:
The man will need his wits about him. I regret to say that I know all too much about London nightlife, and many of those who frequent the dint of iniquity that pass themselves off as big clubs are very tough customers. Well, not to their clientele, surely. I wouldn't put it past, Valerie, to drop a quiet hint that our chaperone was not welcome. Do I make myself go? Yes. Yes. But I think I'd I have just the man for you, sir Roger. When would you like him to start? Well, no time like the present. I'll send the galler round this afternoon, if that's all right with you. All good. I'll introduce her personally to our escort. Alright. Thank you. We'll give it a try for a week and see what happens. Oh, I'll, you know, pay whatever fee you require, but but I can't be responsible for any, any unpleasantness that might happen. I'll see that's written into the contract, sir Roger. Right. You can reach me during the day at my office. You have my card.
I'll tell Valerie to be held 04:00.
[00:03:32] Unknown:
Good morning, mister Mason. Thank you. Leave everything to us, sir Roger. My man will look after your daughter well. You need have no fear on that score.
[00:03:41] Unknown:
Paul McCartney. Bye. Goodbye, sir Roger.
[00:03:49] Unknown:
Yes, sir? Miss Fairweather,
[00:03:52] Unknown:
get hold of Cameron. I've got a job for him. An interesting job, mister Mason. For Cameron. Decidedly interesting. Tell him to be here at 04:00. Yes, sir. Better tell him to take his evening suit out of mothballs too. He's going to a party. Lucky him. Yeah. I wonder. You better advise Canon to pick up a large bottle of aspirin. This party's going on for a week. For what I gather, there are no holes barred. I remember Valerie Lansbury because for the first time in my life, she made me regret the passing of my youth. She produced in me a a decided remartheling of my red corpuscles.
If Sir Roger resembled a canvas of Dorian Gray, his daughter was a portrait by Wagner inspired. Her long legs were encased in scarlet tights and delicately balanced on tiny feet, gold charred in sandals. Bur feet features were poised on top of her remaining anatomy, all of which was of copybook proportions. She tossed back her thick raven hair and flashed me a friendly smile. I recovered my breath and motioned her to a seat. Then, Cannon opened the door. 04:00, chief. Oh, well yes. Well well, come in, Cannon.
[00:05:09] Unknown:
You okay, Ching? Yes. Well, of course I'm all right. You've got a sort of,
[00:05:13] Unknown:
moon y look. Are you sure you're okay? Will you stop passing remarks about my parents? I want you to meet someone. Well, a young lady. Miss Valerie Lansbury. Hi. Hello. Is that all you can say hi? What am I supposed to say? Is this gentleman my escort, mister Mason? Yes. The best we could do at short notice, I'm afraid. I
[00:05:34] Unknown:
hope you approve, miss Lansbury. Oh, I do approve.
[00:05:37] Unknown:
I approve very much.
[00:05:39] Unknown:
Well, that's, that's great. This is one week's assignment. I shall attack with zeal and nobility.
[00:05:45] Unknown:
Only one week? We must apply for an extension. If we could finalize the arrangement Say, you got a pad in town? Sorry. Daddy o keeps me on the hook. Oh, that's offbeat.
[00:05:56] Unknown:
There's limbo time on the Broad Walk. I'm in tune. Look, do you mind if I get a word in edgeways? I may be a little old fashioned, but I have the faintest idea what all that jargon's about. The chief is square. I'm sure Miss Lansbury doesn't question my integrity.
[00:06:10] Unknown:
Very square.
[00:06:12] Unknown:
Are you making me an object of ridicule, Cameron? Oh, chief. How can you say a thing like that? Very well then. Let's get down to business. Yeah. The, the sooner, the better. Sir Roger Lansbury, Valerie's father, is engaged due as an escort fellow for a period of one week. You'll go with her to any place she names, accompany her anywhere as the woman takes her. You'll never leave her side. It'll be a pleasure, chief. You will conduct yourself a decorum, Cannon, and protect her from any unsavoury elements in the places of well, enjoyment that she may frequent. He means we have a ball together for one week. Oh, boy. Oh, and don't keep saying old boy. You're kidding, of course. No, Cannon. He's not kidding. That he arranged at all. Brother, you must have a great old man. Sir Roger Lansbury has been most explicit. Verily must be home at midnight every night and never late. Now is that understood?
Cannon, is that understood? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Understood. Well, then I think that's all.
[00:07:12] Unknown:
You know, I love you. Already? No. Not you, doll. The chief. This is the first assignment he's ever given me that I really want to get my teeth out of.
[00:07:26] Unknown:
How was the drive, Gannon? There's some car you got there. What's the time?
[00:07:31] Unknown:
Close on eleven. Hey, sir. I gotta get you back by midnight.
[00:07:35] Unknown:
We're just looking here for a moment. Ever been in here before? No. Looks pretty classy. The stones are here tonight. We might just catch them. Come on. This way. Not a very good table, but it's always packed from their head. Oh, that's great. Enjoying yourself?
[00:07:56] Unknown:
Can a duck swim?
[00:07:58] Unknown:
All is the more champagne.
[00:08:00] Unknown:
Tell me something. Do we beat it up every night like this? That's the general idea. Daddy says I'll get it all out of my system if I give it a full go. Well, maybe he's got something there. After a whole week of this, I'll be calling home with my hands and knees. Hey. Wait a minute. Bring a bottle of champagne, two glasses. Daddy said that,
[00:08:19] Unknown:
you are a very tough gentleman. You did,
[00:08:21] Unknown:
Are you? Could be. I've,
[00:08:26] Unknown:
I've got a confession to make, Ken. Oh, he's the hang on. Thank you.
[00:08:30] Unknown:
Here. Keep the change. Talking a bunch of the winners in these joints, aren't they? Well, say when. Well, after the broom. Well, here's mud in your eye.
[00:08:50] Unknown:
I, I said I have a confession to make. So? I had arranged to go to Johnny's cellar tonight. I purposely avoided it. Well, aren't you interested? I go where you go. That's your assignment. I didn't know that my escort would be so nice.
[00:09:08] Unknown:
Well, that's the best news I've heard this year, and, I'm not exactly complaining. Do you find me attractive?
[00:09:15] Unknown:
Well, you're,
[00:09:17] Unknown:
you're beautiful. I keep pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Oh, canon. Hey. Look at that time we better get moving. Deadline is midnight. Remember?
[00:09:28] Unknown:
Oh, just a few more minutes. The car will get us there in time. Look. If we're late, my dream will come to an abrupt end, and I wouldn't like that. You haven't heard my confession? By Johnny's summer? I wasn't happy with daddy's arrangement. I I didn't want an escort. I arranged for one of Johnny's strong-arm men to Work me over? I'm sorry.
[00:09:48] Unknown:
Johnny's muscle man might have been sorry too. I, I don't work over easy. I'm glad I'm I forgiven. Surely. You just paid me a compliment. I like it.
[00:09:58] Unknown:
Are you are you really afraid of nothing? Not unless it's getting you home late. I don't want to spoil it either. I'm ready,
[00:10:07] Unknown:
darling. And I'm willing and able.
[00:10:29] Unknown:
What's the time? Ten minutes to midnight. Oh, we'll make it easily. Patton closes up at exactly midnight.
[00:10:36] Unknown:
Only another three miles. Well, at this rate, that means three minutes. Or less.
[00:10:46] Unknown:
Oh, no. What's wrong?
[00:10:49] Unknown:
A cannon. I've run out of petrol.
[00:10:54] Unknown:
That's the oldest trick in the world, but it's usually worked by the guy. Okay. I'm at your mercy. I will offer no resistance.
[00:11:01] Unknown:
Cannon. I really have run out of petrol. Are you sure? Quite sure. What
[00:11:08] Unknown:
a lousy break.
[00:11:11] Unknown:
Say, how far are we from the house? About three miles. Two. We cut across country.
[00:11:16] Unknown:
Five minutes to midnight. We can't make it. Well, how about your old man, Sir Roger? You can explain to him, can't you? Oh, no. No. I can't. But you can bring him over here in the morning and see for himself it was an accident. No. Anyway, you will only be half an hour or so late. Look. How about if I Oh, look. You don't understand.
[00:11:33] Unknown:
Patton, he's the butler. He locks the house at exactly midnight. Daddy doesn't allow me a key. If I'm late, I have to knock up Patton, and he never fails to report to daddy. So in the morning, you report to your old man what happened? Daddy's not at home. Well, looks like we're in a fix. You don't know, daddy. He likes the high life, but he's got a will of iron. He was quite definite that I had to be home by midnight, and he won't take any excuses.
[00:11:59] Unknown:
Oh, darn it just when everything was going so well. Hey. Come on. Don't wanna get you. We can work something. Up. Look, couldn't you, sneak in without this, Patton guy knowing? I wish I could. But then he'd know you didn't come home on time. No. He wouldn't.
[00:12:15] Unknown:
If I could sneak in without him knowing and get up to my room, I I could say in the morning that I got home early and went went to my room with a headache.
[00:12:23] Unknown:
Oh, but it's hopeless. Patton locks and bolts the whole house. Well, let's get walking. Before we get up, Hope, I'd like to look at that house of yours.
[00:12:31] Unknown:
Yeah. I mean,
[00:12:33] Unknown:
do you think you might break in without anyone knowing? Well, I've had experience,
[00:12:37] Unknown:
in the line of duty, of course. But what will you do after you've let me in? Walk over to Potters Bar and catch the milk train into town. Do you really think you can do it? Honey, you're looking at the only honest housebreaker in England.
[00:12:55] Unknown:
Ah, but the modern teenager lends itself to a cross country walk. Indeed, the uniform for doing the shake was, perforce, resemble a tracksuit. And so it was that Karen and Valerie approached the rear of the house from across the fields. The house was a large rambling affair, silent as a tomb and wrapped in Stygian darkness. Silent as a shadow with Valerie quiet as a cap beside him, Cameron went to work on a small side window leading into the kitchen. In two minutes, it swung open, and Valerie was lifted inside. A gentle kiss in gratitude and farewell, and Cameron was once more crossing the fields to the road.
[00:13:40] Unknown:
And that ogre pattern don't even know how she got in. Well, I guess I'd make a pretty good cat bear with that. Oh, there's the car. Well, I just better make sure she left nothing in it. That's silly thing. She left the keys in the car. Now what'll I do? Well, better take them out and bring them around here first thing. But But now then, which way do the keys turn? No. That switch is on. Hey. This car is half full of gas. Now why do you suppose she said she'd run out of gas? Maybe, well, maybe a fault in the engine. Starts like a bird.
I just don't care. We could have made the house easy by midnight. I wonder what got into that cat.
[00:15:07] Unknown:
Who is it? Cannon. Oh, sorry. I'm in a call box. I had to put the shilling in.
[00:15:13] Unknown:
Valerie, what's the time? 06:00. Six o'clock?
[00:15:17] Unknown:
What are you doing up at this hour? I thought I'd get the car before Patton started asking questions. It it worked like a dream. He said he knocked on my door and got no answer, but I told him I'd taken a sleeping pill. We fooled him completely. Meaning we can work the trick again. Mm-mm. I don't think we should push our luck to you. Midnight's the next time and no mistakes. But I've got a wonderful idea. Daddy's going down to our house in Cornwall for a week, and I can go with him. Cornwall? We have a house right on the coast. You can come as chaperone.
Sounds great. Oh, there's one thing. I hope you won't take offence. Daddy's a bit of a snob, and he won't have you as a house guest. He looks upon you as an employee. Which I am. Sir, you will have to stay in the hotel at the village. Oh, Canon, please say you'll come. Surely how come? Stay where you are. I'll drive over to your flat and give you all the details. Say, how did you get the car back to the house? Oh, I walked over to the village and and got a bottle of petrol. Just enough to start her and get me to the filling station. And then I filled up and tell her, don't you? Was empty. Dry as a bone. I'll be more careful in future.
Hello. Are you still there? Yeah. Is something wrong, Cameron?
[00:16:26] Unknown:
No. No. No. No. Don't you want me to come over to your flat? Sure. I want you to come over to my flat. I, I want very much for you to come over here. I, I don't wanna let you out of my sight.
[00:16:56] Unknown:
It's been a wonderful day. The drive down with lunch in Redwood. And now this I didn't know you could handle a boat, Kenneth.
[00:17:05] Unknown:
There are a lot of things you've done about me.
[00:17:07] Unknown:
I know all I want to. I I think I'm I'm falling in love with you, Kenneth.
[00:17:17] Unknown:
Yeah. Well, that's not the way daddy planned it. You know? I know.
[00:17:22] Unknown:
If I married out of my social circle, he'd disowned me. He'd settle a fair sized sum of money on me, but he'd never want to see me. Then maybe I'd better go back to London tomorrow. No. No. Oh, no. Please. I hardly ever see my father. My my mother died when I was 10, you see, and he and he took it badly. I've always been alone, and I know daddy doesn't really care for me at all. Not the way a father usually cares for his daughter.
[00:17:47] Unknown:
So that's, that's pretty tough. Canon,
[00:17:51] Unknown:
if it did work out that we fell in love with each other look, Just pretending. I mean, we could go somewhere together, couldn't we? I mean, I'd have enough of my name for Bob Lovers, and we could start a new life in another country.
[00:18:05] Unknown:
Australia, perhaps. Look. Let's not talk about it, Nance. It's getting late, and this time we have to make sure there'll be a tomorrow.
[00:18:12] Unknown:
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Oh, Canon.
[00:18:24] Unknown:
Hey. It's eleven. I have to pilot this boat back to harbor. Aye, Skipper. I'll start the outboard, miss. Okay. And I'll bring him into the swell.
[00:18:37] Unknown:
Cannon.
[00:18:38] Unknown:
Oh, Cannon. I can't get it to start. Hang on. I'll come over there and join you. Okay. Let me have a try.
[00:18:50] Unknown:
What's the matter with it?
[00:18:56] Unknown:
And bring that light closer to me? Uh-huh. Water.
[00:19:02] Unknown:
What?
[00:19:03] Unknown:
Seawater in the car behind it. Oh, can you clean it? Well, not a chance there's water in the gasoline. This baby won't run tonight. We'll have to scull the boat back to the harbor. How long will that take? Best part of an hour and a half. Once a time now? After one. Oh, can I I know? The deadline's midnight. Did Patton come down to Cornwall? Yes. House is locked. The old man still carousing in Redruth. Looks like history's repeated itself. That butler's gonna start thinking you've gotten addicted to sleeping pills. You mean you're gonna break in for me again? That's right. I'm gonna break in for you again.
[00:20:07] Unknown:
Oh, dread.
[00:20:08] Unknown:
You, having trouble, miss Lansbury?
[00:20:11] Unknown:
Oh.
[00:20:12] Unknown:
Don't wear down the battery, baby. I pulled the lead out of the rotor box. Gentlemen, why why did you come here? Maybe I wondered why you kept a car in the village when there's space for six in the house on the bay. I mean, then again, what does a guy do at 02:00 in the morning on a lonely Cornish village? You you knew I was coming here. A guest in? I broke into that house for you at half after midnight, and I figured that if you left the way you got in, you'd be here an hour after that. I reckon it took a little longer to find what you were looking for. Then you know.
I checked on your car last night at Potter's Bar. It was half full of gas. Oh, no. That outboard drove us out into the bay, so there wasn't any water in the tank when we left. We were the only two people on board, and I didn't slip a Tennessee water in the gasoline tank. I can explain. You can. Last night at Potter's Bar, I figured you wanted to test a way that you could get into the house anytime you wanted so that we could stay out half the night despite what your father said. But when I as good as asked you, you said that we shouldn't push our luck. And that had me worried, but I still believed you. On the boat, you had me food all along the line until the outboard was sabotaged. Cameron,
[00:21:26] Unknown:
I meant what I said on the boat. Please believe me. You played me for a sucker. No. I didn't. I meant it, Cannon. I do love you. You're nuts. You were just about to ditch me and drive off to London. That's not true. I I didn't take longer to find what I was looking for. I'm half an hour late because I stuck over at the hotel and left a note with a night porter to be delivered to you at 06:00 with your morning tea. And what did you write on the note? So long, sucker? Please believe me. You can read the note yourself. It tells you to catch the 06:45 to London and meet me at your flat. And you thought I'd do just that.
Would you, Kenneth?
[00:21:58] Unknown:
I guess I might have.
[00:22:00] Unknown:
Oh, darling. Hold on. Hold on.
[00:22:03] Unknown:
You forget I was an unwilling party to your little scheme. You lied to me all along the line. Not when I said I love you. And where's that phony Sir Roger Lansbury?
[00:22:11] Unknown:
In London. Were you gonna ditch him? He would have received his share of the loot. And where's that? In his
[00:22:17] Unknown:
bag. From last night's?
[00:22:19] Unknown:
In the glove box of the car. In glove box of the car.
[00:22:24] Unknown:
Alright. Now give me the bag. Thanks. What will you do, Cannon? All that gripe about your old man and how he didn't need you, how he disowned you but leave you a nice fat legacy that we could both live on, another country to start all over. But you didn't say how you'd get the money, did you? You wouldn't have known, Cannon. We we could have been out of the country in twenty four hours. You'd never have known.
[00:22:47] Unknown:
Oh, it's not too late. No one will ever know. What are you taking me for? A cheap crook? I'll give it all back. Don't worry, baby. I will. Oh, please, Cannon. Please give me another chance. Sure.
[00:23:01] Unknown:
Yeah. I'll give you a chance. There. The lead's back in your rotor box. At 06:00 exactly, I'll walk into the local cop shop and tell him the whole story. That gives you three and a half hours start.
[00:23:16] Unknown:
I'm sorry, Kenneth. Please try and forgive me. I didn't mean to fall in love with you.
[00:23:24] Unknown:
So long, baby. It was too good to be true anyway. I'm just sorry you had to pick on me.
[00:23:33] Unknown:
Well, of course, there never was the sir Roger Lansbury, and there already wasn't his daughter. They were a team of confident tricksters, and they worked out a clever scheme to enlist the aid of a strong young man unwittingly to help them in a series of burglaries. It worked too. Cannon made an excellent cat burglar when he didn't know the real purpose of his nocturnal excursions. In fact, who knows? If it hadn't been for the petrol in that car on the first night, Cannon might now have been dunking his offspring in the warm waters of Bondi Beach while I would be minus my top operator.
So now you know why the file was marked. Cannon and the KG cat.
